Dear Jane Doe [Rated G, angst, character death, redemption]

[hhryah]

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I regret nothing.
Notes: This was an attempt to convey Heero?s confusion while living life after the war, being haunted by his past, and how to have a relationship with Relena. Ends on a hopeful note, but contains angst and a character death. Feedback is greeted with big hugs and thanks!

Dear Jane Doe

I never knew her name.

I never knew it because I never tried to find it out.

I never knew it because it was enough for me to know her dog was Mary.

I never knew it because then somehow maybe she would find out her name and hate me for it.

Once, Duo told me about her.

About how he killed Sister Helen using whatever curse he had on his head.

Once, he spoke in hushed tones, for less than three minutes, with no wavering in his voice.

I really knew then I would never know her name because Death did not know her name and did not care to.

BUT.

I dreamt her names.

Once, I lay next to her in bed.

It was not romantic, and I woke up screaming her name, calling for her, cursing her away from me.

She did not know her and vice versa.

Once, I realized it did not matter if she had a name, because she would always be with me no matter what.

BUT.

I knew her name.

I knew it before she knew that I knew her name.

I knew her name before I knew she wanted to tell me her name more than she wanted to ever breathe again.

I knew her name before I knew I could know a name like that and before I knew that sometimes knowing a name isn?t the same as having a name.

Once, I knew her name.

I did not know I had a name then.

BUT.

Once, the most beautiful woman in the galaxy died and left me in her will nothing but a small, white envelope which had never been opened by anyone else.

I did not dream of what was inside.

Once, onto a Spartan coffee table at Preventer Headquarters, at the age of fifty-six, a troubled man stared photos of a young girl playing on the beach with her dog.

She had known her name all along.

BUT.

The message was clear.

It was still not too late to learn my name after all.

[lilac310]

seems poetic and has great potential but I'm actually a bit confused...so, the first girl Heero was referring to is the girl with her puppy...the "her" in italics is actually Relena?