Waves had always reminded Van of Hitomi.
That was why, even six years after their separation, he visited Asturia?s beaches every year and stayed a week each time. There was a celebration, a large ball to commemorate the end of the Great War, a celebration in honor of the Green Eyed Seeress.
Van would join the festivities on the beach, Merle at his side as he held conversation with everyone necessary, and then as he settled to speak with his and Hitomi?s comrades.
They would chat, remember and smile. Every word was covering up something, something intangible and hard to place. Though Van had a feeling their troubles were all coming from on source; even Chid, now the king of Fried at eleven year of age, had abandoned his normally cheery disposition for the time being.
Where was she? Was she happy? Healthy? Did she remember them?
Had she moved on?
The sound of waves crashing against the rocks bellow, it glowed as the water rippled on the sand at night. And, if he thought about it, it was no wonder they were all wondering about their only absent friend.
The ocean was green, the color of Hitomi?s eyes, though the water was nowhere near as pretty. The waves were both gentle and frightening and so was she.
Hitomi had been alien and familiar all at the same time, having the same appearance but different manners, customs and abilities.
The water was deceptively powerless, nothing but a large amount of liquid that in good circumstances was peaceful and giving. She was like that, beautiful and odd: always shy and gentle.
But when upset, she had quite a temper. Van had experienced her wrath a few times, and had felt the sting of her palm as cinsiquence.
Normally, he discouraged these kinds of melancholy comparisons. They reminded him of her and brought him down. Sadness made him seem weak, and Van had been taught that a weak king could only lead a weak country.
But today was different. Today was his last chance to morn and pine for his lost heart.
His council and people had been demanding his marriage, needing the comfort of having an heir ready for the throne. Many had started rumors of the Green Eyed Seeress returning to her lover.
Van wished he could believe them.
Their small, not-yet-bloomed relationship had inspired many stories, even a large book funded by Dryden.
They had supposedly stopped the war with their undying love and devotion.
Van snorted. Nothing could be farther then the truth.
They had been fifteen, barely old enough to know themselves, let alone understand undying love for another.
But, as Van sat alone on the beach, out of site from the party, they had been very close to at least understanding the beginning of love. If given the chance, they might have found what they were rumored to have already conquered.
The sounds of the festivities could still be heard, the celebration reaching its peak as the night settled.
Today, he would have to say goodbye to the ocean. Van wouldn?t be able to return for a very long while. By this time next year, he would be married and most likely a soon to be father.
How odd. Van had once thought of these things as inevitable, but mildly attractive ways of living. Why not? He would be a father and husband, the ruler of Fanelia. Many would kill for his future.
But now that ever pressing inevitability was smothering.
That was why he was down at the beaches, instead of up on the cliffs where the party was held. Van would have to seal away his heart and follow his duty.
Maybe, after Hitomi?s memory had faded to a shadow, Van would be able to revive his heart and welcome his wife. But not quite yet, not until he was sure Hitomi had moved on as well. He remembered her promise, and refused to not do the same.
?I?ll never forget you, even when I?m old.?
Such careless words.
She was fifteen when she said that, and now they were twenty-one. They would both need to move on, and Van didn?t want to hold her down with his memory.
Having all the memories in the world, and nothing to hold seemed worse then having nothing to begin with, having nothing to morn or miss; Van had heard the opposite from Allen, but he knew better.
No, not really. Van was glad he had met Hitomi, that they had been able to work side by side.
She had saved him from himself, allowing him to open up and breath. Hitomi had given him life.
Much like what the ocean did for Asturia.
Merle?s voice was discernible from the crowd, loud and rich as she laughed. Others followed, some known and others not. Allen had promised to watch over the young cat woman, to make sure she did not drink too much or leave with the wrong person.
They all knew what today meant for Van.
Even Dryden, the normally fun loving, teasing King of Asturia had given him a sad smile and strong pat on the shoulder.
The waves were rising, coming closer to his feet as the tide rose. The sound was intoxicating, and Van found himself leaning back to look up at the sky.
The mystic moon was bright and blue, casting down light that made everything easy to see. The planet?s own moon was white and uneven with large dips and bumps.
The two were beautiful in all of their imperfection.
And Van was jealous.
Though he couldn?t-wouldn?t-blame her.
Hitomi had had a life before Gaea, before dragons and before war.
Before himself.
And Van had willingly given her up knowing this, actually forcing her departure because he had seen her dawdle with indecision.
The waves fit his foot once again before bubbling away playfully, rushing back to its larger body. Van smiled at the sound.
If she was happy, wherever she was, then he was happy for her. They had had their brief time together, and had used it saving his world.
That was time well wasted, if he did say so himself.
Grinning sadly, he starred at the constellations that had been there his entire life. Van could have one pointed out to him and know its name. Learning the stars and their rotation had been part of his survival training for the dragon hunt, and Balgus had been sure to make him proficient at the skill.
Hitomi had once mentioned that the stars were different from her planet. She had run through names and shapes; she had even been able to recite some of the stories that went along with them.
It seemed that their worlds weren?t that different after all.
Their shapes and stories were similar, though the names were different. The two bears that she had described looked much like the two dragons that were visible during the winter months.
Van searched the sky, comparing and contrasting the two skies by what he remembered of her description.
He became absorbed, trying to recall all of her words and trying to picture what they described. Van didn?t hear the chatter from the celebration any longer, didn?t feel the soft bubble of waves as they reached for his ankles and he didn?t notice his own eyelids begin to droop as he settled more firmly into the sand.
All he knew was that for a brief moment, Hitomi was with him. She was smiling and happy as she recalled her home planet, pointing things out to him and asking questions.
Though, soon, the conversation changed, along with the setting. They were on a beach that he did not recognize, talking about things he had no memory of talking about with her.
They were talking about the past six years, where they had been and what had happened. She told him of her graduation from school and her friends moving away to get married. Van told her about the others and his demanded marriage.
There was no way this was real. He was hallucinating, and Van found that he really didn?t care. He wanted to get lost in this almost-dream like he had never aloud himself to, even if it was for this one night.
She was beautiful, with her hair now reaching her shoulders. The brown pleated skirt she wore was longer-almost knee length-and the sweater she wore was thick, made of intermingling blues and greens.
It was Hitomi, and yet not. She was more mature looking, with fuller curves and a softer voice. Her eyes were the same color, but had lost a lot of their naivet?.
She was calming and disheartening all at the same time.
They talked for what felt like forever, their topic wavering from their health to the weather and then to friends.
Soon his conversation with dream-Hitomi changed from light- hearted chatter to something darker. She wanted to return to Gaea, wanted to be with him once again.
And Van knew that this truly was a dream.
?I?ve tried so many times, Van. I just don?t think it?s possible anymore. I think I need the pendant, but what if that doesn?t work??
Then they wouldn?t be able to see each other again, plain and simple. And Van, if he gave her the pendant, would have just that less of Hitomi to remember her by.
But, if Van thought this through clearly, his was in a dream. This was his way of dealing with what he couldn?t handle while conscious. He could give her the pendant without any actual risk, allow himself to indulge in this little fantasy.
Why not make his last memory a happy one? Would he even remember this?
?You know, I think we should take that chance.?
As he pulled the thin golden chain from his neck, Van could already feel the odd lack of its weight affecting him. He had been wearing the pendant for six years, and his dream-body was acutely aware of its absence.
Van leaned into her, slipping the golden chain over her head and onto her prominent collar- bones.
She smelled like fruit and honey; cool and warming.
The dream-Hitomi gave him a smile that would melt the coldest of ices, her eyes crinkling as he moved away.
?Alright, let?s try.?
And she began to fade.
It was as though his dream had turned into a nightmare of sorts. Watching her slowly become translucent, her smile never vanishing. Van had to remind himself that she wasn?t real.
But, as the last of his dream-Hitomi began to vanish, she leaned forward to whisper something into his ear before giving his lips a quick peck. It really was nothing, but Van?s face warmed to a light pink.
?This is the part where you wake up, Van.?
And all he was aware of was the sound of the sea.
~~~
Two months later, and Van was recovering from meeting the third of a long list of suitors. He had been told of her beauty and intelligence, her kind manner and caring ways.
She was olive skinned, with long, thick black hair that curled at the ends and large, dark blue eyes. Her face was heart-shaped and she was built slightly wider then the other two girls. This was a relief, because it made her seem sturdier.
Her name was Malla de Gahvin, a princess from the country of Gahvina, a very rich country that Fanelian trade flourished in.
Their conversation was interesting, and she appeared very sensible and worldly. She dressed well, but not extravagantly, like the others had.
Van passed on to the council tat she would be one of the top choices.
Though, during their conversations and his own mental observations of her, Van couldn?t help but allow the voice in the back of his skull speak up.
She hasn?t done any real work in her life.
Hitomi has.
Malla doesn?t like the outdoors.
Hitomi never had a problem being outside.
She doesn?t like caring for children, though she likes them.
Hitomi loved taking care of kids, she loves to help others.
By the end of their meeting, Van had come to one obvious conclusion.
Malla wasn?t Hitomi.
None of them had been even close, and it was unfair of him to compare.
But he still did it. Even though he had promised to bury her memory, it kept coming back to life like some kind of demented undead.
Sitting alone in his room, chair pulled to the window so that he could see the setting sun, Van began to remember his dream.
The pendant had been missing since the trip, and a royal sum had been placed out for the person to return it.
No one had, though there had been a few imposters. And Merle had said he had smelled different for weeks.
?Kind of sweet and tangy, it makes my nose tickle.? As she had said, screwing up her face in a way that made him laugh at her.
But they were all coincidences, and Van doubted that they were anything more then that.
?Hitomi, I wish that it really had been you. I don?t want to deal with these girls anymore. They?re all spoiled and chatty. I don?t want replace you, but I can?t marry one of them without doing so. They want a throne that should be yours, and I wish you were here to stop them.?
He really did want Hitomi back.
He wanted his dream to be a reality. Van wanted Hitomi back on Gaea.
Period.
Van didn?t want Hitomi to visit every year, to see him in dreams, to pop up in the nick of time to save Gaea once gain.
No.
Van wanted Hitomi on Gaea, with him, in Fanelia as queen. There was no half-assing, no ?Well maybe??
He wanted Hitomi on Gaea so strongly that he need surpassed his goodwill towards her family or friends. Of course he cared what Hitomi thought, but even that was beginning to ebb away.
It was scary. Van was terrified of his own will.
To want something so desperately, so selfishly, was not in his nature at all. He had met this girl when he was fifteen, had known her for far less then a year; for Gods? sake, he didn?t even know her well.
They had been two angsty teens tossed into a war zone and told to save the world while they were separated from both family and friends.
Yeah, there had really been a lot of time for deep, meaningful conversation between the two.
The young King realized that he missed the ocean. He was able to picture her more clearly there. He could also remember his family when there.
They had taken many vacations to a country near Asturia, and sometimes to the grand country it?s self. He and Folken had played in the water while his mother and father had found a place on the fabrics and large parasol they had brought along.
He had a feeling that Hitomi would love the ocean, too. They would be able to do that with their own kids, one day.
Van growled to himself. The sun was completely gone by now, and was replaced by the ever moving constellations. He shifted his sight to the right as a shooting star came down towards earth.
?Make a wish!?
Hitomi had said that one night as they traveled in the airship, starring out one of the main windows. He had laughed at the time, but there was no harm in trying.
Shutting his eyes tightly, as he remembered her doing, Van gave a quick, inward plea.
?Please, please let Hitomi come back to Fanelia.?
He opened his eyes and waited.
And waited.
And waited just a little bit longer.
Nothing.
Van let out a curse. Had he done that right? Maybe whishing on a star only worked on the Mystic Moon. After a few more minutes of starring at the sky, Van knew that nothing was going to happen.
The young king shut the window shutters and dressed for bed: a loose black night- shirt and forest green sleeping pants. Washing his face at the basin and then blowing out the few candles that lit his room, Van settled into bed and quickly fell asleep.
He never noticed the beam of light that hit the edge of the Fanelian capital?s gates, and didn?t hear the mysterious giggle of sea foam that woke a few of the castle?s occupants, the sound dancing around his room in playful tumbles.
~~~
Well, I?m very sorry for such a long break. Summer has been really hectic, and I?m dealing with some writers block. There are a few new stories in the works, though they need to be played around with for a little bit longer.
I hope this story isn?t too rushed or off my normal style. If it is, feel free to tell me. This one was almost shoved through the writing process, so I expect it to be slightly lacking. As always, reviews and comments are appreciated whole-heartedly!
Thank you all so much!
Squee
Sometimes Wishes Need a Little Help (PG
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