Sanctified (NC-17)

Post by **blackrose** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 10:09 pm

Sanctified
by the Black Rose
AN: My belated post of my entry to this year's Church of Lemons. This is rated NC-17 for containing graphic sexual intercourse and for coarse language (Heero says the F word).

Thank you to those who will read it. Love, Rose

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

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His room held no shadows. There wasn't enough light, enough life to cast them in the room. Heero had no idea how long he'd even been there?how many minutes or hours had passed since he noticed the dingy color of the floor. It was the same as the walls.
He refused to count the cracks in the concrete. He wouldn't allow anything to distract. All he wanted was to concentrate on the pain. The pain of the restraints on his wrists, how they chafed until he bled?the nerves in his skin exposed and raw. It was the pain that reminded him he was still alive.

And when his flesh went numb, he'd force himself to remember the ache of something else.
"I don't love you anymore."

He growled as those words racked his body. "Relena." He said the name out loud. No one could hear him in this place. Pain continued to race through every fiber of his every muscle. He was still alive?.

And as long as he was alive, he could fight. 
He lay on the floor and lost track of when his eyes were open or closed. The ceiling looked as grey as the world beneath his eyelids. The room, he knew it by heart ? with his eyes closed or open. He knew every crevice?Every inch of its dishonesty. 
It didn't have bars like it should. His cell had bars, but solitary confinement was a small, dingy room without the pleasure of variation or truth. 
He felt the numbness seep into his brain, and for a second, he couldn't breathe. Heero opened his eyes and began his recitation from his position lying on the floor: "Name: Heero Yuy. Rank: Lieutenant Colonel."
He heard something like metal clinking and fell silent. Hinges creaked. The door opened. Heero peeled back his eyelids to see shadows thrown across the wall. 
"Stand up." A familiar female voice. One he hadn't heard in?? 
He blinked but didn't move.
"Get up, soldier."
Heero remained where he was. Damned place. He wasn't even sure she was here. How many times had he caught ghosts of faces he thought he knew, only to look again and they were gone? 
But there were shadows. Which meant, there was light?
"Lancaster."
His codename. Heero grunted and righted himself. He stared at his commanding officer, or her silhouette in the brighter light of the prison corridor. The Preventer vaguely remembered thinking how dark the prison was compared to the outside world?.
Une stepped into the room and kneeled down in front of him. He stared at her. She wasn't in uniform. Her light-colored hair was down around her shoulders. A blue suit. Brown eyes. So many colors. "Come on. We're getting you out of here." Her voice sounded softer than it had?seconds ago?
She stood up. He watched her move towards the door and half expected her to walk right through it. Instead, it opened and someone - a faceless person in a guard's uniform - stepped inside his room for the first time in days. The man hauled Heero to his feet. Metal jangling. A key inserted into the restraints. His arms moved in directions they hadn't been allowed in so long. He stretched and rolled his shoulders, trying to work out some of the stiffness.
"Une." His voice razed the back of his throat. Pain?
"Yes, Lieutenant." She walked in front of him and didn't bother to turn around to respond.
"Tell me something?" 
She stopped and gave him a sharp look. "Now?"
"Prove you're not part of my imagination."
"Lancaster, you've never had a God-damned imagination and you're not about to start."
He felt like laughing.
"I was given the green light first thing this morning to get you out. You're going home."
Home. The feeling evaporated. Home was with Relena, but she?
"I don't love you anymore."

Something bitter filled his mouth. The metallic taste of blood.

Home. 
Relena?
But Relena was the one who'd sent him to this God-forsaken place. 
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Could you surrender the love of the person you want most?


Heero unlocked the door to his apartment and shoved it aside. The smell of dust and stale air rushed out to meet its missing occupant. He flicked the light switch. Pale yellow light shone in the small entryway that looked the same as it had the last time he'd seen it. Six months ago.
He kicked the door shut and turned the key to lock the deadbolt back into place. Someone had to have paid the bill for his apartment to still be here, untouched.

Could it have been her?
Heero shook the thought from his head. Relena wouldn't have been the one responsible. She'd thrown him out of her life and found someone else.
He growled. And now she even thought she could hide from him? 
The blond secretary stood up and followed him as fast as her heels and short legs would carry her. "You can't go in there, sir."
He didn't slow his pace. "That's Lieutenant Colonel," Heero snapped at the woman. She darted under his left arm to stand in front of the Foreign Minister's door. "And I have authorization." He stepped around the secretary, wrenching his arm away when she reached out to grab it. The door wasn't locked. He turned the knob and threw it open.
But her office was empty.
"She's not there, uh?Lieutenant Colonel Yuy. She hasn't been in all day."
He snarled and slammed his fist into the wall next to the door. "Where the hell?"
"I'm actually?not positive where she is, Lieutenant. Her schedule was booked to?"
He stormed out of the reception area and back to the main hallway. He'd already been to her residence, thinking she'd know he was being released today and would want to remain in her most heavily-guarded location. 
But, she wasn't there, either.

He removed his Preventer jacket and threw it across the sofa in his cramped living room. The air was warm, and he figured the air conditioning had been turned off since no one was living here. He found the thermostat and nudged it down several degrees. Cool air began to hiss through the ventilation system. The lieutenant couldn't help the bit of a smile that tugged on his lips.

His home. Freedom. He stretched his arms out in front of him, eyeing the red, chafed flesh of his wrists. He'd had worse. The lieutenant moved from his living room to the kitchen. He stepped around the countertop to open the refrigerator, grimacing in anticipation of the smell of spoiled and moldy food. 
It was empty.
Who? The only person he could think of was Relena. But she didn't?she couldn't?
<a name="OLE_LINK1">"I'm sorry, Heero." She wrung her hands and wouldn't look at him. Someone had come in and stolen the person he knew. The one with the courage to look him in the eye when she told him to get the hell out of her life. "I just realized that I?Well, I just?I don't love you anymore."</a>
"You're sorry."
"Yes?I hope." She hung her head. "I hope you can forgive me."

He snarled at the image. Forgive her? Oh yeah, he'd forgive her all right. Forgive her for making him hope, for telling him lies?For making him believe she could love someone like him.

Then shutting him out, finding someone else, and finally?Finally. Locking him away. 
Oh yes, he'd forgive her all right. He'd forgive her with a 22 caliber? No. No, he couldn't physically harm her. 
Although images of hurting her had definitely been some of his favorites when he was in jail. But. He was out of that hell hole, now. And he had his life back.
He could have a shower in his own apartment, sleep in his own bed. He could hunt her down using his laptop to break into her private network, give her a piece of his mind on his own time? And maybe. Just maybe, find a way to hurt her the way she'd been hurting him.
Heero grinned. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor next to the laundry room. He pried his shoes off, and left them in the hallway, then headed down the corridor to his bedroom. 
The Preventer pushed the door aside, stepped into his room, then turned to click the panel shut behind him. He'd never liked open doors? A scent, like flowers and baby powder? Her perfume saturated the air of this place. And even six months away from it, from her, hadn't erased her presence.
Hadn't erased the evidence of their secret.
"Heero?" Relena whispered next to his ear as he kissed his way down her sternum to her chest. "Uhn." She gasped as he unclasped her bra and ran his tongue over the curve of her breast. Her fingertips danced across the skin of his shoulders.
He growled and pushed away, tugging at the button on his jeans so he could kick them off his legs and over the side of the bed. "Relena?" 

Hairs bristled on the back of his neck. He yanked the gun from the waistband of his jeans and whirled around.

She sat on the edge of his bed, like she had a hundred times before. And for a moment, he felt like laughing again. He'd been searching for her, no one could find her. And all along? 
Her blond hair reached the down to the middle of her upper arm ? longer than the last time he'd seen her. She wore a suit, or what was left of it. Her jacket was off and lying on his dresser. Her white blouse was the kind she wore to work in. And her skirt, though not short by design, hiked up to mid-thigh the way she was sitting. Her blue eyes rose to meet his gaze. He kept his gun trained on her as he watched her glossy lips rub together and then slowly part?
"Heero."-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Could you make the person you love?could you make them hate you? 

Heero grabbed her bare arm and spun her around. Relena's eyes widened for just a fraction of a second before they changed. Light blue eyes narrowed to mere slits. "You shouldn't be here," she hissed.

He gestured at the tuxedoed monkey next to her. Blond hair, square jaw. He was busy socializing with another faceless person at this 'elite' cocktail party. "This?" He wanted to say more, but words wouldn't come out. 
"Get out." Relena grabbed his elbow and tried to pull him in some direction. He didn't feel like moving.
"You already said that."
"You've been drinking." Her nose scrunched up like the thought was distasteful. Her and her proper upbringing ? fancy parties, well-dressed idiots. And he could kill them all. "You never drink?" Her voice sounded softer this time.
Heero snarled. "Who cares?"
Relena turned to her suited monkey ? the one he'd seen with an arm around her waist. Red. Relena was wearing a tight, red dress with a short skirt. She grabbed his wrist and jerked him towards the side door. He stumbled after her, watching the room swirl by in one nauseous blur. 
And then they were outside. Cool air slapping his face, tingling the skin of his cheek. The alcoholic fog began to lift from his mind, and he remembered?
"I told you not to come here."
He snorted.
"Heero, you have to?"
"I don't have to do a God-damned thing, Relena."
She took a step back. Her eyes widened from that hateful glare. She glanced around before letting her gaze settle on him once again.
He leaned forward, caging her between his body and the balcony railing. "Don't tell me you're just catching on."
"Catching on to what, Heero?"
"That I'm dangerous."
"I suppose?" She frowned. "You've always been. But not?" Her hands moved like they meant to settle on his shoulders. But she returned them to her sides. 
That's right. Because she didn't want to touch him anymore.
"Never to me. Heero?Please. Go home." She turned her head. "I don't want to see you like this."
"You don't want to see me at all, remember? You told me to get out of your life. That you don't?"
"Heero, please?" She pressed her eyes closed.
He ripped the gun from the back of his jeans. "I'll?I can still kill you, Relena." The world swirled around him and started to close up. "I could have?killed you." Something pricked the side of his neck. It seemed a bit cool for mosquitoes. "Any of the nights?" He blinked as the balcony seemed unsteady underneath his feet. "We were. Together?"
He felt the gun slip against the fingers of his hand. And the darkness swallowed him whole.
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Could you bear to hurt them?

"What are you doing here?" Heero removed the safety on his pistol.
Relena stood from the bed, her hair tumbling from its perch on her shoulders. "The truth?"

"No." He half-wished he could burn her with a glare. "Lie to me. The way you've been lying for the last eight months."
"All right." She folded her hands together and let them fall to rest at her waist. "I figured you'd be looking for me."
"Now, the truth."
She raised her chin and met his gaze. "I was afraid you wouldn't have anything to say to me."
He tightened his grip on the gun. "God damn it, Relena. God damn you."
"Heero, please." She took a step towards him. "I'm here to listen to what you have to say. But?when you're finished, will you listen?"
"No!" He retreated a step ? towards the corner where the door jamb met the wall. He kept his pistol trained on the ESUN Foreign Minister. "I'm done listening to a God damned thing you have to say. I was done the day you told me to get the hell out of your life. You lie. You've done nothing but lie?"
"You're right." She squared her shoulders and shifted her hands behind her back. "That was a lie."
"What?" His voice bounced off the walls, echoing through the room.
"I don't want you out of my life, Heero. I?I never did."
Focus on the pain? "And is the ring you're wearing on your finger ? from the man you were seeing behind my back?"
"It's gone." She held up her left hand. It was naked. The room felt like it was tilting, shifting beneath his feet. "I?I never wanted it to begin with."
"You're a liar." He gasped for air. "You promised me?"
"I know. I did." She moved closer. Her ringless left hand rested against her chest. "And I meant it. But sometimes?sometimes things happen, and we have to make choices. Choices that result in suffering?" She stretched her left arm towards him - as if she wanted to touch the man she'd thrown away. 
Focus on the pain? 
"For both of us." Her fingers soothed over the top of his hand, then met the raw skin at his wrists. 
Heero jerked away. Something shook loose inside him, something with heated breath and sharpened claws. "You've been suffering." His whole body began to tremble. He felt hot liquid fill his abdomen.
Relena backed away. "I don't expect you to believe?"
"I've spent the last six months in maximum security prison, Relena." He stepped towards her, but she shrunk away. "Because YOU fuckin put me there." White haze sparked in front of his eyes. "Because YOU couldn't afford to let people know we were involved, you sent me away to fuckin prison. But YOU've been suffering." Every breath felt like he had to lift a hundred pounds off his chest with just the muscles of his ribcage.
Relena lowered her head. Her right arm hugged her body where she stood and stared at the floor. "I don't expect you to believe me."
"You're God damned right I don't! You promised me if I'd just wait, there'd be a right time. There was a right time. A right time when you were sneaking around behind my back! God damn?Do you know how much that hurt?"
Her shoulders shook. Her hands came up to cup her face. But the white haze was gone. Heero lowered his gun.
"What did I do that made you give up on me, Relena? You wouldn't even tell me that!"
"I didn't hate you. I know it's hard to believe, but I never meant those things?." She moved closer again. Why? Her fingers danced up the skin of his arms.
"I had to?Please. I know I don't have the right, to ask you?if we could try again." Her hand found the right side of his neck and then brushed the side of his cheek. He wouldn't look at her. He didn't want to see? "If you still?"
He tried to remember, to focus, but? "Relena?" Some part of him willed her away. But the other part wanted to keep her?right where she was. 
"But I don't think," her breath whispered against his chin. "I can live?"
His words. He felt the attempt to pull his head down to look at her, and gave in ? schooling his features into the hardest scowl he could muster. 
"?knowing that you hate me." She pressed her lips against his, and for a moment, he couldn't think. His mind swirled and ached, but whenever he'd grasp for some thought, it went blank. Nothing in the world made any sense?. 
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Would you have the strength to push them away?
Heero didn't glance up when someone entered his office. The step was silent, the movement stealthy, calculated. He knew who it was without having to look, and grunted something in greeting to Trowa. Heero continued to flip through the pages of Nicklaus Franchesco's dossier he'd retrieved from Military Intelligence's database. Classified. They marked the damned thing Classified. And this was the man?
"You're under arrest." Something, someone snagged his wrist before Heero could move. His fellow Preventer agent wrenched the lieutenant's arm behind his back. Through the fog, he could see the determined glint in the other man's eyes. The hard set of his jaw.

"What the hell for?" He roared. 
"For the attempted murder of Foreign Minister Darlian." Another voice spoke from the doorway. He jerked his head in that direction to see General Une standing just inside his office. The door shut. 
They could have breathed on him and he would have fallen to the floor.
She traced a pattern on his bare chest and nestled her head on his shoulder. He felt her ankle bone slide down the length of his calf. Her skin felt soft like feathers compared to his. Everything about her was softer?
"I?I don't like having to keep this a secret. To keep us a secret," she whispered. His heart clenched. Her fingers felt like they were drilling into his flesh. He trapped her hand against his chest. "Tell me?You don't like it either."
"You should get some sleep. I'll have to get you back early?"
"Do you think?we can put up with it a little longer?"

Heero seethed. "I didn't hurt her."

"You have the right to remain silent." His comrade's voice sounded just like his step ? quiet, measured.
"Dammit, Trowa!" He used his right leg to push off the floor. Heero threw his weight against the other man, breaking the Preventer's hold and sending him staggering backwards.
"Take my advice and don't resist." Une remained fixed in front of the door. "This isn't a joke and our orders come from the highest?"
"You know I would never?"
"Officially, you are on record as a former assassin and quite capable of killing anyone," the General of the Preventers said like she was reciting something she'd already said a thousand times. 
Heero growled. 
"You were also seen pointing a gun at her in a public setting."
"My campaign managers just think this is a bad time to?" She finished smoothing the towel over her stomach and raised it up to catch the wet shower of hair. Her naked rear wiggled with the movement, and he sat where he could enjoy the view from the end of his bed. "Tell people?"
"What, that you're involved with a former assassin and Gundam pilot?"
She stopped and turned around. Her arms dropped, still holding the towel. "I hate it when you put it like that?"
He arched an eyebrow and let his gaze wander over the curve of her hip up to her chest. "It's the truth."

"You have the right to remain silent." Trowa regained his feet. He seized Heero's elbow where it was trapped at his side. His wrists locked behind his back in a pair of handcuffs. "Anything you say?"

"Not her!" His breath came faster. His heart raced. He wrenched out of Trowa's grip. "You know I couldn't?"
"Can and will be used against you?"
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Is the ultimate sacrifice to give up your life for someone else?

Heero broke the kiss. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. "Don't." He could feel the warmth of her skin beneath the fabric of her blouse.

Prison had been so cold?
"Heero?" Relena's voice was soft. So were her eyes?
"You can't do this to me." He looked away.
"Isn't there any way," her hand was on his cheek again, "you could forgive me?"
"Relena!" He pulled her hand away. "How can you even ask me?"
"Because I love you, Heero." She moved closer again. Relentless. "How many times," she pushed pieces of hair from his face. But he still wouldn't look at her. "Do I have to tell you before you?"
"Maybe I'd know that if you hadn't already told me that you didn't." He caught her arm at the wrist. Hers were perfect?
"I didn't mean it," she said in a whisper. 
"How the hell do I know that you mean this, now?"
"Because I?" She strained against his grip. Was he hurting her?
"If there's some?" He gritted his teeth and released her hand. Heero turned away. "Explanation." He stepped towards the door. "That makes any of this rational?"
"There is."
He stopped. "Then tell me what?"
"If I woke up blindfolded and bound in a moving vehicle ? by your orders. I?I have the kind of faith in you that I wouldn't believe I was in any danger. Are you saying you have no such faith in me?"
He whirled around. "This was a test?"
"No." She shook her head. "But, I had hoped that you'd at least?" She moved towards him again. "Let me explain." 
She was close, now. Closer than she'd been?. Her eyes looking at him - the way they used to. Her hand came up to lie flat against his chest. The contact burned. Was he really so weak?
"I love you, Heero," she whispered. Dousing gasoline on a fire?.
His arms found her waist and folded her against his body at the same time he leaned forward to settle his mouth over hers. She returned his kiss, lips opening and moving, pressing into his. He felt her hands soothing over his chest, like salve on angry open wounds. Her tongue darted into his mouth, stroking his. Her arms around his neck pulled him closer?
How long had it been? His body ached everywhere she wasn't touching. His hands felt ice cold as they snuck under her blouse to touch the skin of her stomach. They continued upwards, stroking over her ribcage.
"Heero?" She broke the kiss to whisper against his ear. Her tongue traced a line down his neck. Relena's hands grasped the hair at the base of his neck and pulled his head down to kiss him again.
Her open mouth met his again and again, hard, hungry?desperate. He felt her fingers working at the button on his jeans. And then the fabric was sliding down his thighs, over the curve of his knee. Relena broke their kiss, her breasts slipping out from under his palms, her warmth following his pants to kneel on the floor. He felt her nails scrape against his stomach before darting underneath the waistband of his briefs. She tugged them down his legs to join his jeans on the floor.
Her hands returned to his body; her left hand slid around his waist while the other gripped his length and began to stroke up and down. Heero gritted his teeth to keep from groaning. Relena's warm breath puffed against his organ a second before he felt her tongue touch its tip. His knees locked to keep his body from falling over. She pulled him deeper into her mouth, her teeth scraping gently against the top of his shaft. He couldn't stop himself from pushing further inside?
Relena's hand continued to coax him at the base as her tongue swept and swirled over the tip and teased the underside. Liquid heat shot through his length to roil in the pit of his stomach. There was something?He should. There was some reason this wasn't right? But all he could think of was how much he wanted to pick her up and throw her down on his bed. And even that thought became hazy as she continued to kiss and suck.
His eyes slipped closed to concentrate on the raw, electrical surges powering through his system. Her breath on his tip, she pulled him out from between her lips and licked all the way down. She dragged her tongue up his length. And then he was back?feeling the warmth of her mouth, pumping, sliding against a thousand tiny nubs. "Relena?"
The heat in his groin boiled over. He was dangerously close? Relena released him, her hands pressing into his skin, moving up his body as she stood. He opened his eyes to look at her. She was going to be flat on her back in his bed, screaming his name in less than two seconds. 
Except she was completely clothed. Heero growled. He grabbed both sides of her blouse and yanked. He heard buttons hit the floor then scatter. They could be found later. Or never. He unclasped her bra and leaned forward to sample the flesh of her chest. The Preventer wrapped his right arm around her back, pulling her against him. He lifted her off the floor as his left hand moved to work at the button on the rear of her skirt. Relena's fingers slid over the muscles of his shoulders, and toyed with the short hairs at the base of his neck. She tilted her head backwards as he bit and sucked at the peaks of her breasts. The button loose, her skirt fell to the floor. Heero stepped forward and deposited a mostly undressed Relena on top of his bed. 
He moved over the curves of her body until his face was a breath away from hers. Her blue eyes glittered from beneath long, dark lashes. He could see the dark skin she'd tried to hide with her makeup. And the indention beneath her cheekbones was more pronounced than he remembered.
She hadn't been sleeping. Or eating?.
The skin around her eyes contracted at the same time the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile. She brought her right hand up to brush pieces of his hair out of his face. 
"I love you, Heero." She stood somewhere between the end of his sofa and the edge of his living room.
"Hm." He frowned at his computer screen. Blinked. He looked up and found her, her back turned to him, her shoulders straight and stiff-looking. Her hands clasped behind her back. "Relena?" He moved his laptop to the coffee table.
"I know, "her fingers twisted together, "what we said before." She pivoted halfway around and glanced at him over her left shoulder. "And that some people wouldn't understand. But." She lowered her head. "None of that matters to me." She spun to face him and moved to place her hands on the arm of his sofa. "I want to be with you, only you. Do you?"
The air felt thin, like there wasn't enough oxygen anymore. She stepped around the edge of the piece of furniture between them. She rested the knuckles of her left hand on the edge of her collarbone ? a sign that she was nervous. "Will you, will you have me, Heero?" She took another step towards him. Heero leapt from his seat.
"What are you asking me?" Her eyes remained on the floor. But he needed her to look at him ? needed to know? "If I'll sleep with you?"
"There's not a word for it, I don't think." She shook her head. "At least, not one that doesn't sound trite?" She raised her eyes to stare at him, then. Filled with?something he wanted to touch, but was afraid he'd break. "I want to have a mutually exclusive, completely private and very serious relationship. With you." She was in his arms. But he didn't know how she got there. Or how long she'd stay?
"And yes, that includes me sleeping over?" she gave him a sly smile that he'd never seen before. It was one that made another part of his body stand up to admire. "Sometimes."
He swallowed against the lump that was his heart beating in the back of his throat. "But you want to get married. And you know that's not?"
"I want to get married someday. But if I have to give that up to be with you, I will."
He pushed her away. Gently. His heart twisted and leaked acid down the back of his throat. "I don't think it's a good idea." He busied himself with picking up his laptop, yanking the power cord from?
"You're afraid. Aren't you?"
"You should go." He tossed the words over his shoulder.
Her hands on his arm tried to pull him towards her. He shook her off. "What are you afraid of? I won't leave until you tell me."
"The same thing I've always been afraid of." He knelt down to stare at the computer screen. "Since the beginning." He closed the open windows onscreen and told the machine to shut down. "Since we met."
"That I'd give away your secrets?"
He snapped the laptop shut and stood up. He caught a glimpse of the hurt in her eyes. He had to turn away. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. But at least, if she believed? The words slipped out anyway. "Of losing you."

Her lips brushed against his, coaxing him closer, pulling him into the cradle of her body. He kissed her back, the pressure from her mouth firm like before, but lingering. Her breath warm against his cheek as she left tiny kisses up his jaw.

"I want to?make love to you. Heero?."

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Wouldn't you rather die than see the look of hatred in their eyes?

Une moved quickly through the checkout process at the administration office. Heero had never been in an official prison before, so the flurry of pen strokes, shuffling, and stamping that accompanied throwing him his t-shirt and jeans, running shoes, wallet, and keys ? all in large plastic bags ? was dizzying. And then he was being led out the exit door into the glaring sunlight just peeking over the horizon.
"I could really go for a cup of coffee." Une grumbled as she held open the door for Heero to climb into the back of a black sedan. He ducked his head and sat down in the leather seat. Sunk into it was more like it. The upholstered fabric was the softest thing he'd felt in?

"Six months." Une sat next to him and tapped on the glass separator between the front and back cabins. "You've been gone six months."
He stared at his hands. "Why did you call me by my codename? I was?"
"This isn't going on your record. Officially, you were on a mission." Her voice held no note of apology, just stating facts. His lips pressed together. "All your records will reflect that?"
"The foreign ministry department has forgiven my," Heero snarled, "transgressions?"
"The foreign ministry department has recently been involved with a far-reaching investigation that resulted in the discovery of a huge cache of nuclear missiles that have been 'unaccounted for' and 'missing' from Russian territories for several years."
Heero glanced out the window and watched the shapes and colors of the outside world warp into a grey blur as they sped down the highway.
"I don't know what happened between you and the foreign minister?"
Heero could see the ghost of his reflection in the glass. He schooled his face into something blank, expressionless. "Nothing."
"I never understood your relationship, before. But I think I do, now." He turned away from the window. Une folded her hands in her lap as she moved her head to stare out the opposite window. "And if I'm not overstepping your bounds?"
"I didn't think I had any bounds."
She winced. "You're bitter. I'm?hoping that will change?with time. We can't use you?"
"I didn't ask." He turned to stare at the back of the seat in front of him. Grey leather. He was so damned sick of grey.
"Heero."
"Yeah."
"I'm sure it's small consolation, right now, that you can have it all back. You, unlike most people who leave this place, you can have your entire life back. Your job, your rank, your apartment, your office ? they're all exactly the way you left them."
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "You're right. It's small consolation."
"You'll be paid for the six months you've been 'away'. The drafts weren't made to your account, but I can write you a check once we get to the office. If you find?there's anything else?" She straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. "You need?"
"You can write a check." Light flooded his senses. He wanted to punch and beat the hell out of something, someone, anyone.
"Yes."
He inched the palms of his hands against one another, first in one direction and then the other. "Is it a check that gives someone back six months of their life?"
"No."
Heero nodded and continued to rub his hands together for another moment. Then he turned to face her, hoping his eyes betrayed his hate. "Is it a fucking check that gives me back the one person who swore to me that she'd never leave, that she'd stand by me and?" He took a shaking breath and turned away. "Forget it."
"I don't have the full details of the situation. What I do know is that Relena was breaking down my door at four this morning with your release paperwork, tears in her eyes and begging me to get you out immediately."
That makes no sense. "Yeah. Sure."
"If I could offer some advice."
He shot her a scathing look from the side of his eye. "I didn't ask?"
"If you love her. You'll have to learn to forgive."-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How far would you go to protect the person you love?

Relena's lips brushed against his, coaxing him closer, pulling him into the cradle of her body. He kissed her back, the pressure from her mouth firm like before, but lingering. Her breath warm against his cheek as she left tiny kisses up his jaw.
"I want to?make love to you. Heero?." Her head dropped back to rest on the pillow, eyelids peeling open to stare at him. Eyes saturated with emotion, her hair dripping across the white pillowcase to pool on top of the sheets. Her fingers traced paths over his shoulder blades, down his back. Something nagged at his brain. The voice in the back of his mind called him weak, again.

But how many nights had he dreamed of having her beneath him - just like this?
He growled and gave in to her kiss again. The lower half of his body was well-trained in seeking out her warmth. Heero abandoned her mouth to enjoy the rest of her body. He bit his way down her sternum, then over the swell of her breast to lick and suck at its center. Her nipple hardened. Relena hissed. Her arms tightened around his back and she lifted the top half of her body off the bed. The junction between her legs slicked against his organ.
"Heero." Relena whimpered his name at the same time she relaxed into the mattress. Her hand left his back to slip between their bodies. His entire body stiffened when he felt her grab his shaft. "I want?" She whispered. "Please." She stroked him then pushed the head against her heated folds. 
He lifted off her just enough to grip her hand and pull it away. Heero repositioned his organ at her entrance. He pushed his tip into her at the same time her legs came up to wrap around his waist. 
He continued his descent into her body?Her scorching heat transferring in an instant - lighting a fire that blazed beneath his skin. He braced himself above her, gliding in and out. Pushing into her only to stop at the point where he might lose himself - forget where he ended and she began. A chill worked its way up his spine, mixing with the heat, clashing. Lightning flashed and pressure began to build, atom by atom inside his abdomen.
Her fire raged through his system, burning his chest and lungs. He gritted his teeth against the thrill of her?Resisting. He didn't want to love her. He wanted to fuck her, hard and raw ? penetrate her until she screamed and cried and begged him not to hurt her anymore.
He leaned his head down on the pillow above her shoulder, dug his hands under her hips to lift them off the bed. He heaved her against him ? once, twice? Her back arched. Her breasts teased against his chest, her body seducing him to come into her?deeper. Forget the struggle, forget the pain, forget everything?. 
He grunted, feeling the release of air scrape against the inside of his throat. Heero thrust against her again, and Relena tightened around him. Her arms at his back, her channel quivering, enticing? Sweat dripped down his cheek. He drove himself into her again. This time, she clamped down hard, her hands clutching at his skin. Breath left her body in a cry that sounded like his name.
And then her fingers were combing through the back of his hair, tracing paths over the sensitive skin of his neck. Her voice whispered that she loved him, her breath teasing at his earlobe that she wanted him to let go?
But he couldn't.
His body burned and screamed as he thrust hard, furious against her. Her insides still trembling every time she rose to meet him. The mounting pressure robbed him of air, robbed him of the ability to think. He shouldn't give in, but?the pain was stimulating, electrifying! Every cell alive?and he hadn't felt alive in so long.
It was too much. Too much to hold onto. Her body was soft, thrilling?her voice filled with words of devotion. He wanted?
Wanted to hurt her.
Wanted to give in?
He drove his shaft deep inside, feeling her thrash beneath him, her channel coaxing, milking him towards release? 
He felt his organ lengthen, shudder, and the pressure inside him sharpened! His body gave out. The pain became excruciating, clashing with pleasure, losing, winning? His orgasm roiled through every cell as he tightened, released into her. 
Fell. 
Felt her catch him.
"Heero?"
He snarled. 
"God, I've missed you." She nuzzled her head into the hollow between his neck and shoulder. Her arms strengthening her hold on him - like she didn't want to let go. "I missed being with you like this?God, it hurt, Heero."
He labored to breathe, feeling the overworked muscles of his body protesting every movement.
Why?why did she do this to him?
Why?
Why did he feel so damned weak?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heero untangled himself from her embrace. Feeling her warmth recede. The heat was too much? He sat up and placed his feet on the floor next to the bed. Pain, sharp, punched him in the stomach. He doubled over, catching his forehead with the hand he propped up on his thigh. He choked. "Why?"
He heard the sound of rustling. His sheets sang as her soft skin slid against them. He felt the pause that hung in the air. Then, finally. "In all the time we've been together, Heero. I never believed that you loved me."

He whipped around. "You knew how I?"
"No." She hugged her knees against her chest and stared at something near her toes. "I didn't. You never told me. And you never seemed bothered by things?" Relena shrugged her shoulders together at the same time a tremor racked her body. "I believed should bother you if you?" She took a deep breath. "If you loved me. Keeping our relationship a secret?Going weeks at a time without seeing each other. Those things?" She closed her eyes. The makeup was gone. She looked?tired. "Well."
Heero grasped for words, but came up with nothing.
Her eyes opened again. She wasn't staring at her toes, rather at something straight in front of her. Shadows played on her face. "So when this?" She swallowed. "Situation occurred. I thought it would be enough to push you away. That it was time?" She tilted up her chin. The muscles in her neck tightened all the way down to her shoulders. "It was time to let you go. I figured you?" She released her legs and let them slide beneath the sheets in front of her. "Would be a little hurt, but. Eventually, you'd be better off."
"What situation?"
She turned her head away. "When you showed up?"
"What situation, Relena?" He dove forward, catching himself with his right hand on the mattress positioned on the other side of her body. His left hand grabbed her shoulder.
"When you showed up, in uniform, at Nicklaus's chateau ? asking for me. Acting like you knew me?"
He released her and sat back on his knees. That was her 'situation'? "I got drunk and showed up at one of your parties acting like I knew you. Of course you had to?"
"You interfered with a highly classified investigation." Her voice rose. "Nicklaus Franchesco had ties to Russian arms smugglers." Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. "I was wearing a wire that night. You could have compromised everything."
Heero opened his mouth, but?.
Relena flung the sheets off her body and climbed out of the bed. She ran both hands through her hair. "Intelligence went on a rampage, they were going to have you arrested, and thrown into prison in some third world country. Where I might not be able to find you. At least not for some time."
"It was?an investigation."
"I wasn't seeing Nicklaus behind your back, Heero. I was trying to gain his confidence. Intelligence had been watching him for some time, but they couldn't pin him to any of the weapons they'd seized. Somehow, they found out he?had a thing for me. So. They asked me to do them a favor."
He closed his eyes. "And get close to him."
"Yes." Her voice was a whisper.
"How close, Relena?"
"I never slept with him. I couldn't. I just?couldn't. You're the only one, and I?I did what I did because I didn't have a choice. I had to protect you. They wouldn't let me explain things or they threatened?they said that if Nicklaus found out, you'd be in danger. I had to be careful?but I'd check in on you whenever I could. Preventer even sent in agents to watch over you. When things were at their worst, we had to?We had to confine you to solitary. I couldn't afford for someone to get to you." 
He opened his eyes. She was leaning back against the wall opposite him, a shirt ? one of his, draped over her shoulders. Her blue eyes glimmered in the light. "Heero?"
"You could have told me." He rubbed a hand over his forehead. "I'm not helpless."
"No. You're not. But what would you have done?" She knelt in front of him. Her hand sliding over his leg. "Gone up against Nicklaus? His syndicate?" She gripped his arm as he tried to turn away and held him in place. "ESUN's Military Intelligence? Been on the run?"
"I would have?" He scowled. He'd been trained?never to get attached. To keep moving. Dammit. "I would have thought of something." He jerked his arm from her grip. 
She stood up. "And what if I couldn't risk it? What if I didn't want to have you taken away from me?"
"So you sent me to jail?" He leapt to his feet and stormed towards her. "Without trial? Without a word? Let me believe that you?" He caught himself, tried to reel himself back in. "Do you know how often I thought of ending?" He turned his back to her.
"I believed?" Her hands smoothed from his back, over his ribcage. "I knew you were strong enough."
"Not to keep me from hating you. Wanting to hurt you?"
"Do you still?" She leaned her forehead against the back of his shoulder. "Hate me?"
"Yeah. Part of me does. But part of me?" He pulled from her embrace. "You mix up my head and I don't know what to feel." He sat back down on the edge of his bed.
"I understand. If you need time?"
"Time?" He shot her a glare. "I've had nothing but time, Relena. Nothing but time to think and try to figure out?" He raked a hand through his hair. "What I did wrong. And you're telling me, I didn't do anything wrong. So, that means you?"
"I hurt you. I have reasons why I did what I did. But, I still hurt you."
Heero turned away.
"But Heero?" She sat behind him. "Love isn't only about happiness. It's a strong emotion for a reason. I believe?" She held his shoulders as she leaned in to speak next to his ear. "I believe that we can pick up the pieces and put them back together."
He set his jaw and frowned as she climbed around him to sit into his lap. "If it's broken, it's weak."
"Forgiving someone isn't weak."
He turned his head further to his left. "I don't know how?"
"The heart that's strong enough to love, is strong enough to forgive." She nestled her head beneath his chin.
"I don't?" He took a deep breath and winced. His chest felt like something was burning inside his ribcage. "It hurts?"
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Please. Forgive me."
He wrapped his arms around her. "Relena?" He choked. Tightened his hold on her. Leaned his forehead on her shoulder?
And let go.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How far would you go to protect the person you love?
Is the ultimate sacrifice to give up your life for someone else?
Could you surrender the love of the person you want most?
Could you bear to hurt them?
Would you have the strength to push them away?
Could you make the person you love?could you make them hate you? 
Wouldn't you rather die than see the look of hatred in their eyes?
The hatred they have for you.

Note: Lancaster is Heero's Preventer codename in the video game: Another Century's Episode 2. This is presumably a reference to the Avro Lancaster bomber plane from World War II.
-From Answers.com

Morrighan · Post by **Morrighan** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 11:49 pm

*sniffles* And I am now reminded why this story is so darn angsty...

*glomps Rose*

perfectpeach · Post by **perfectpeach** » Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:46 pm

ah, i love it when they're both in the wrong, eh? gives it some equilibrium.

yay!

Nice one rose.

HiFreak · Post by **HiFreak** » Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:11 pm

Oh man angts galore. I coudn't tear my ayes from this. Really like the poem at the end and throughout. Another great fic from the blackrose.

matisleonhart · Post by **matisleonhart** » Sun Apr 08, 2007 4:17 pm

Secrets, Betrayl, and Hot Sex. *Ding* and the Chicken done

So awsome, great job (as usal) Rose.

whimsy007 · Post by **whimsy007** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:03 pm

Yet another well written story from blackrose that successfully balances strong emotions and the erotic (continues waving hand to help cool down). The style you chose for this story could easily have caused confusion, but you pulled it off.

I stand in awe and envy of your writing talents and I hope that you are working on more fics.

It's scary how easily this situation could have served as a setup for a tragedy or a major angstfic. How could they be certain that Heero wouldn't make a (probably successful) escape attempt? What would have happened if others had been seriously injured or even killed? What if Heero had been badly injured or killed? Why did Une go along with a plan that could have blown up (literally) badly? What if he did end up on the run from ESUN military intelligence and the Preventers?

If Intelligence had sent him to some third world country prison then a breakout would practically have been guaranteed, and given the way prisoners are often treated in such facilities, Heero probably would not have been especially careful to avoid casualties.

Have you considered doing a regular story, i.e. not written for a particular contest, using the same setup, but taking it in a more serious direction?

hhryah · Post by **hhryah** » Sat Apr 21, 2007 1:03 pm

*melts and dies from wonder that is this fic* So....good... I loved it. I loved how the timeline was slightly confusing and you didn't know exactly what was going on until the very end, and how he just couldn't keep his hands off her!!! <3

Post by **blackrose** » Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:16 pm

Morrighan wrote:*sniffles* And I am now reminded why this story is so darn angsty...

*glomps Rose*

I know, terrible. How did that happen?!?!? But they still wuvs each other.

*glomps Morri back*

Thanks sweetie!

Love, Rose

perfectpeach wrote:ah, i love it when they're both in the wrong, eh? gives it some equilibrium.

True! Hadn't thought of it that way. Just more or less had to dredge through what it would take for Relena to put him in jail. O_o

yay! Nice one rose.

*hugs* Thanks a ton, Peach.

Love,
Rose

Post by **blackrose** » Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:18 pm

HiFreak wrote:Oh man angts galore. I coudn't tear my ayes from this. Really like the poem at the end and throughout. Another great fic from the blackrose.

It was rather angsty, although I meant for the end to be at least somewhat positive.

Thanks for the comment about the poen. It apparently wasn't for everyone, someone commented it was distracting. *shrugs*

Thank you!!!

Love,
Rose

Post by **blackrose** » Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:23 pm

matisleonhart wrote:Secrets, Betrayl, and Hot Sex. *Ding* and the Chicken done

Wow, ok. Didn't think about it in THAT light, but it's fairly accurate...if reminiscent of something they'd say to advertise an episode of Desperate Housewives...

*giggles*

So awsome, great job (as usal) Rose.

I wish I could go into it with that attitude. Yeah, I'll get this done and it'll be good, as usual. Ha. It's a struggle. Every flipping word of every scene...

So, anyway, thank you for saying so. *GLOMPS*

Much love,
Rose

Blissful Ignorance

A Heero and Relena Dedication site

Sanctified (NC-17)

the Black Rose's fanfiction.

Sanctified (NC-17)