A Nameless Hope Ch. 1 (PG-13)

[Aeris_Eithne]

A Nameless Hope
Chapter One: Flight of Fantasy

Am I supposed to be happy?
All I ever wanted comes with a price
You said that you would die for me;
You must live for me, too.

- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Cat and Mouse


?Heero?? Relena?s hand was still on his shoulder. He raised his eyes to hers, slightly surprised. Then he realized he?d never answered her question.

He cleared his throat. ?I, uh? it was nothing, Relena.? He tried to look past her, out the window again, but she tilted her head and blocked his view. The motion caused her long, honey-colored her to tumble over her right shoulder. It was unnerving, how much he paid attention to this. Her pink lips were pressed into a frown.

?You can talk to me, you know,? she murmured. He tried to look away again, but her blue eyes caught his and them in place. She studied him for another long, silent moment. At last, she sighed. ?All right, then. I guess it really was nothing.?

He felt bad that Relena was frustrated, but Heero saw no reason to disclose his dream to her. What was he going to say? Help me, Relena, I have a major inferiority complex? I know you love me, but I?m not going to do a damn thing about it? He shook his head. These issues were his to wrestle with?no need to drag Relena into his problems.

He prayed she wouldn?t ask him any more about his dream, hoping they could spend the last half of their trip in silence. He seemed to get his wish as Relena slipped on a pair of earphones and reclined her seat. She stretched and settled back, her eyes drifting closed to whatever music she had chosen. Knowing her, it was probably something classical.

With her eyes closed, it was safe for Heero to stare at her. His eyes traced the blonde hair that hung in wisps around her face, cascading down her back. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, probably from her frustration with him. Relena?s porcelain skin turned red quite easily; Heero used to think she was easily embarrassed, but over the years he came to realize that she blushed when she was angry, too. And she was more often angry than she was embarrassed. Heero suppressed a chuckle. Her moods were a source of fascination for him; for a pacifist diplomat, she sometimes had a pretty short temper. And that was one of the many things he?d grown to love about her.

Relena certainly had her share of admirable qualities. Heero?s eyes followed the curves of her petite, slender figure. Her gray business suit fit her perfectly?modest but alluring, much like the school girl uniforms she used to wear. Remembering her as the beautiful, seemingly unattainable teenage girl he?d fallen for, Heero felt something stir deep within him. Sometimes, he didn?t know what the hell he was waiting for. She was always right in front of him, ready and willing, but he always held back.

Heero wasn?t a total idiot; in the past, he?d tried to tell her how he felt. Even when he was sixteen, still a reluctant soldier, he?d had the guts to grab her and kiss her. And the kissing didn?t stop right away. He was fond of learning to be close to someone, and she was fond of teaching him how. After the war?s brief resurgence, referred to as the Mariemaia Incident, Heero stuck more closely by Relena than he?d planned. For their past few years of high school, he even acted as a boyfriend of sorts. They spent two years commuting between earth and the colonies to make their relationship work. However, Heero could tell it was a strain on Relena?s time ? she was trying to finish high school and work as the Vice Foreign Minister ? so he broke it off before either of them started college.

Relena had been distraught, which worried Heero. He?d never realized just how dependent she?d become. This only fueled his decision to break up with her even more; he thought it would make her stronger. After all, he reasoned, if people depended on her to keep the world in peace, it wouldn?t do for her to depend so much on him. His Gundam was destroyed?he could no longer fight all her battles.

And so, using these excuses, Heero walked away from the only girl he?d ever loved? only to return three years later. Without a girl in his life, he?d been extremely motivated to complete his computer science degree in three years instead of four. He?d told himself he was better off without Relena, that he could accomplish more on his own, but even then he knew the truth: he was rushing through school so he could be with her.

Now, he?d spent the past year as her live-in bodyguard. The job was not without its challenges, but he found himself settling comfortably in her home. And Relena loved his company. She loved having someone in the otherwise empty house (Pagan had long since retired, and Zechs and Noin were never around), loved prattling to him about nothing, sharing a newspaper or book with him, drinking coffee with him in the mornings even though she hated the taste, and, sometimes, just sitting on the sofa with him, doing absolutely nothing. Heero could tell she cherished their closeness, and he did, too, but he was no closer to telling her than he?d been years ago. Technically, they were still broken up; when he?d returned from college, her attachment to him had significantly cooled. She?d been willing to hire him as a bodyguard, but she?d resisted getting to close to him, or acting like she wanted to. After a few months of living together, however, Heero saw her true feelings seep through her actions. The coffee drinking was a big tip-off.

Even now, Relena tried to keep to herself. Heero continued to stare at her as she continued to ignore him. Or pretend to. Suddenly, her eyes flashed open. In spite of his quicker-than-human reflexes, Heero was startled. She glared at him warily.

?Heero,? Relena said hotly, ?it would be a lot easier for me if you wouldn?t stare so much.?

?Relena, I?? Heero had no way to defend himself when her accusation was true. In this case, evasion was a good tactic. ?What makes you think I was staring??

?I can tell,? she said simply. She peered at him more closely. ?I just wish I could tell what you?re thinking about?? Her eyes searched his for several seconds, trying to see past the dark curtain he?d drawn between them. Just like earlier, she sighed and gave up. ?Sometimes, you?re impossible to read,? she muttered.

?Huh,? Heero grunted. ?That?s funny. I can always tell what you?re thinking.?

?What?? Relena looked even more frustrated. ?No way. I don?t believe you.? She stuck out her lower lip, a habit from a pampered childhood. She quickly realized she was pouting and composed herself. ?All right, then.? She smiled sweetly at Heero, but her eyes sparked with a challenge. ?Tell me what I?m thinking about right now.?

Heero chuckled under his breath. ?I know what it is, but I can?t say.?

Relena?s face scrunched in confusion. ?What on earth do you think it is? And why can?t you tell me??

?Because,? Heero answered slowly. ?It involves you and me? in a compromising position.?

Relena?s mouth dropped in shock. Now her face was red with embarrassment, not anger. Heero wanted to laugh, but she began to cough and sputter. He placed his hand on her back and rubbed in a circular motion.

?Calm down,? he murmured. But she did not find this comforting. Her light eyes were smoldering somewhere between blue fire and ice.

?I was not,? she gasped, ?thinking about anything like that, Heero.?

He smirked. ?But you are now.?

She smacked his arm, and this time, he actually laughed. It was clear, even to him, that he was growing more and more comfortable with her. Still, he knew better than to tease her like this; it would only further complicate their strange relationship. If Heero was too friendly, Relena might even ask him to ?take back? breaking up with her. For reasons he could hardly explain, he couldn?t let that happen. He still felt like he had to protect her from something. Most likely, that something was himself.

He knew it would be all too easy to make her his. But then what? They would behave even more like a married couple than they already did. And he couldn?t marry her; not now. The old argument raged in his head. He had nothing to offer her?not even a name.

At least his teasing had eased the tension between them. Instead of putting on earphones, Relena began to chatter breezily with him. He did his best to dialogue with her but eventually started to feel lost. Staring into her eyes for too long usually did that to him. And once again, his head swirled with doubt. What am I even doing here with her? He couldn?t fathom why she?d want to pay him even a shred of her attention.

?Heero.? Her voice cut through the nagging one in his head.

?Hmm??

She began to trace her lean, beautiful fingers over his arm. His skin prickled.

?Won?t you tell me what you?re thinking about?? She titled her head as she looked at him, blue eyes swirling with concern. ?Please. Where does your mind keep wandering to??

He gazed at this beautiful creature, still trying to figure out why she cared so much.

?Relena?? He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, the way he usually did if she was crying and he was trying to comfort her. The softness of her skin tantalized him. He forced himself to focus.

?I?m thinking of a million things,? he answered, still touching her face. He gave her a small smile. ?And yet, nothing at all.?

She smiled back, dazzling him as usual. ?We have that in common, you know. Sometimes there?s just so much going on, I can hardly tell where my mind?s leading me.?

He reached his hand up to brush her hair back. ?I know where it?s leading you?right back to that compromising position??

She swatted his arm again. ?No, Heero, but clearly it?s still on your mind.?

?So you admit that you thought about it.? He smirked. For some reason, he was enjoying this.

Relena was blushing furiously. ?What am I going to do with you, Heero? It?s a good thing we?ll be staying in separate rooms; you?re awfully dangerous tonight.?

?Huh?? Once again, she had succeeded in catching him off-guard. He hated when she did that.

?What? You weren?t under the impression we?d be staying together, were you?? She giggled.

Now it was his turn to sputter. ?No, I?? He squeezed his eyes shut, his mind spinning with hundreds of images, possible scenarios of the two of them? Stop! He hit himself mentally. ?I? it?s just not something we usually discuss.?

Relena beamed. ?I know. But you are the one who brought it up.? She laughed again, her eyes dancing.

Heero could think of nothing to say in reply; he could only try to control the heat creeping up his neck. He refused to come undone in front of Relena.

?Oh, well, I suppose I don?t have to worry about you making a move on me anytime soon,? she was saying.

Heero snapped his head up. ?What? I??

?After all,? she continued, ?we broke up a long time ago? remember?? She flashed him her beautiful smile, then went back to her earphones. Once again, she settled back in her seat, closing her eyes and turning her attention from him. Heero gaped at her.

Apparently, Heero realized, Relena knew a lot more than she let on. She must have known that he never wanted to end their relationship in the first place, that he?d become her bodyguard as a poor guise to be close to her again. Somehow, she could sense his feelings, despite being unable to discern his thoughts.

She knew how he felt about her. And she was using that to torture him.

Heero muttered a low oath. He refused to let Relena get the best of him. No matter what, he was going to end up back in the control seat; after all, he was the one with piloting experience.

Relena, though her eyes were still closed, started singing softly to her music. She acted nonchalant, but Heero knew the words were directed at him.

?You give me this and leave me alone here,? she sang with honey-like sweetness. ?Do you presume the battle?s won??

Hardly, Heero thought wickedly. We?re just getting started?

[Morrighan]

*snicker* Yup, he sure likes thinkin' 'bout those compromising positions... XDXD

Glad you're posting this here too!

[The Angry Angel]

I like the bantering/dancing around one another that's going on. Tee hee

Will the chapters keep coming out this quickly?
This is good stuff!

[Aeris_Eithne]

Will the chapters keep coming out this quickly?

Ha! Probably not. I have some major story deadlines in the next two days. You see, I temporarily abandoned my original characters to revisit Heero, Relena and Wuffy, and that probably wasn't the best idea. But at least my BI buddies are happy, right?

This is good stuff!

Thank you, dear! I wrote this chapter 'specially for you! Now you can see Heero's not a total moron.

[HiFreak]

My god! I love the flirting.
Just have to say this chapter confirms what a big idiot Heero is.
Can't wait to see the next chap.

[PeaceWing]

Another wonderful chapter!
Oh Heero! hehe

[The Angry Angel]

Tee hee, did not, Aeris! M'lady yee honor me too much I regret my first post on this story was so perturbed. I think the ficcy's plot is proving really versatile~ So maybe their feelings and certainties are going to be up in the air a lot? I'm down with that-- that kind of drama is yummy, and'll send us for a jerky, unpredictable ride. Hope so! Looking forward to it

Is this ficcy going to be strictly exploratory of emotions and centered on their relationship, or will there be some action to spice up the drama and intensity?

[Aeris_Eithne]

Is this ficcy going to be strictly exploratory of emotions and centered on their relationship, or will there be some action to spice up the drama and intensity?

When I started writing this, it was designed to be a character study. So far there's not much in the way of plot, but things will start accelerating in the next chapter... There's a twist a-comin'! However, you'll have to be a bit patient with me as we get there... Heero and Relena still have a lot of things to discuss before they have this mighty revelation that stirs the proverbial pot. Oh! But I can't tell you anymore.

[RelenaDorlinYuy1]

oooo i still have my iron skeelet frying pan muhahahaha

anyway this is getting good i cant wait for later chapeter : )

[lilac310]

I like the bittersweet humour in this! I can't wait for Chapter 2!