Blissful Ignorance

Title: Worry beyond Control

Author: Omnicat

Rating: G (K)

Genre: General, and if it wasn?t as dry as the Sahara, I?d say Romance.

Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge: All or nothing. Pick one.

Warnings: None.

Pairings: Faint Heero Yuy x Relena Peacecraft.

Soundtrack: None that I know of. Suggestions are welcome.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize as belonging to someone else is not mine.

Summary: One of the manifestations of love between Heero and Relena. Rather dry, as it is from our ever so poetic (har har) Heero?s point of view. ...?My worry for you is beyond my control.?...

Author?s Note: I wanted to try out this particular writing style... At first I didn?t really like the effect it had, but I discovered that it worked really well for Heero, so I continued it.

The Love is... series which this fic is a part of currently consists of:

More Than This
Worry beyond Control
Taking Risks
A Sentinel
Stronger than Duty

In this order. So if you like this fic, do read those too.



<center>II--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--O--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--II

Worry beyond Control

II--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--O--o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--II </center>



?Mr Yuy, there is a woman here to see you.?

I don?t lift my head from where I lay on the uncomfortable hospital bed. Adrenaline sweeps through me like the crack of a whip at the possible implications of ?woman?, unleashing my carefully curbed imagination. It?s probably her - the clacking of heels on linoleum, her unique rhythm, proves it before doubt can check in. Maybe I really should develop my imagination, because it always proves to be right when it comes to her.

?Mr Yuy,? the nurse clarifies, ?would you like to receive this guest??

?Hm.? Why bother answering, she?ll know exactly what I want, even if I were to lie.

?I?ll take that as a yes.?

And even when I don?t know the answer myself.

She dismisses the nurse, pulls up a chair and sits down beside my bed. Her perfume wafts my way, momentarily drowning out the sterile stench, and suddenly I feel genuinely guilty. This ceiling will only be able to hold my attention for so long. Will I be capable of resisting this torture as well as all those others?

She sighs, giving me an excuse to finally look at her. To check her up, look for signs on the state of her well being. Shower, meal, little to no rest, and if any, most likely drugged. She hasn?t cried, but from the way she says my name as she takes my hand - I hardly feel it - I can tell that she must have screamed quite a lot. The guilt acquires an intensity that wrenches my gut, manifesting as a physical pain in my wounded body that even the antiseptics cannot nullify. Good. It feels like just punishment.

Now she?s the one looking away. Tears glisten between her downcast lashes, but she bites her lip and refuses to let them fall. Oh Relena...

?Oh Heero... I was afraid you?d die.?

The hoarseness of her voice makes me flinch almost visibly. ?You shouldn?t worry so much about me.? It is a plea, but will she hear it? Please, Relena, I don?t want you to suffer because of me.

?It has gone beyond my control whether or not to worry about you, Heero.? I want to shut my eyes tightly and make all the barriers, all the restraints go away. To make it stop, to make it start. You heard me, as you always do, and this is your confession. ?I care too much about you to be able to decide to stop worrying about you. I?m sorry.?

You look away. Panicky fear takes hold of me and chills me from the inside out. Why?d you apologise? Was it something I did? I don?t want you to feel guilty, I want -

?I should be the one to apologize.? Did I actually say that? The way you look at me, wide-eyed with surprise, would suggest I?d spoken Swahili. Maybe Duo was right, maybe I should think out loud more often if I want people to understand me. I thought you?d know by now that I worry about you too. I want you to be happy.

My hand is still encased in your trembling fingers. At a loss for words, I squeeze back, hoping the action will make it clear to you. Hope returns to your eyes. While it?s a start, it?s not enough.

?I...? Finding the right words for the right moment has never been important to me, but ever since I met you, I?ve been wishing I was more apt at phrasing abstract matters. It does not happen often that I do not immediately take steps to rectify situations such as these, that I feel the deficiencies of my training as restricting. Do you realise that, Relena? Of course you do. You read me like you would read a book. I still need to finish that sentence, though. I owe you as much clarification as I can provide.

?I don?t want you to have to worry about me. So I?ll be more careful in the future.? It was the thing that came to mind, but it feels right. Your expression shifts from surprise to wonder - how messed up I must be if the one that knows me best, maybe better than I know myself, is so stunned when I voice my thoughts to her - to delight. I like that smile in your eyes, Relena, and everything it means. I want to keep it there.

aaaahhhhh.....its so cute and yet so a little depressing but in a good way....i don't know how thats a good thing but it is...very cool fan fic.... cant wait to read more of ur fics....

The story explained very beautifully what was happening and what was being thought. Unfortunately so short! Heero sounded perfect in his disregard for himself, but distressed over someone else fretting for him-- I think that hit the mark.

I liked it a lot~ meaningful, but muted on the mushy side--perfect; and it leaves a lot of potential if you were to continue it.

Your characterizations are <i>excellent</i>. In other words, I agree with Aristale Wolf and AA. ^_^

I don't think it was dry at all, you did a good job showing Heero's and Relena's emotions; if you ask me, sometimes the truth is better than an eloquently told lie.
I would like to know if you have read the manga Gundam Wing: Blind Target, because a conversation Heero and Relena share in it really fits with this fic. If you haven't read it I suggest you do, that goes for the other readers as well, it helps to better understand your point.
All in all I think it was a good fic, and you shouldn't give up in this type of writting style.

*nods* I agree with what everyone else has said.

*grins* Wouldn't it be nice to hear what Heero thinks in his head when he's with Relena?

LS

Yea...that seems like Heero..only if he would actually voice out his thoughts rather than keeping Relena guessing...or rather, US guessing all the time....lol...

The story is simple as far as structure goes but there's something about the way you phrased it and delivered the content that made it so endearing...You were able to capture an almost ignorable moment yet at the same time meaningful and special to their relationship.

Good job! Cheers!

The sheer eloquence of my reviewers/replyers humbles me.

Thank you.

HiFreak: Yes, I have read Blind Target. At the moment I can't remember what part you are referring to, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

Well, you know when Relena tells Heero that she worries about him because she wants to, right before the almost kiss part. Yeah, this fic reminded me of that.

I looked it up! Yeah, it does make one think about that line in Blind Target, doesn't it? I can't remember if I was thinking about that when I wrote this fic... probably not.... It had more to do with my conviction that during the anime and manga, if Relena thought that it would make Heero happier if she didn't care about him, she could stop caring about him. Or pretend to, at least. In the sense of 'I love you enough to let you go', you know?

EDIT: No wait, I did think of that line from Blind Target when I wrote this. *scratches head* My memory is beginning to look suspiciously like my class schedule. (I.e.: like Swiss cheese.)