There are a couple of holes.
Dorothy: that just didn't make any sense. She's so broken and torn up and ashamed that she wouldn't even extend the information she housed to help [Quatre] the good guys even when she knows enemy activity is going down?
You make it sound like she's not an accessory of the enemies, so it's not a farce, is it? Sure she's a whelp emotionally, but she would have more sense and reason than to just sit back paralyzed while all that happens to people [Quatre] who are obviously important to her, and surely she'd take action to help out in a situation like this.
When did Noin [and Milliardo] "meet up" with Relena, or whatever, and why wasn't there an interval concerning Zechs and Relena 'reuniting' or facing one another/greeting/acknowledging each other again after so long? I mean, it just jumped to Relena's home and poof Noin and Zechs are there, automatically? Are we supposed to fill that in ourselves, cuz I would have thought that Relena and Zechs meeting one another again would be a rather significant event worth covering in this story.
Leaving WuFei where he was in the story, with the unidentified spacecraft incoming...was alittle premature...some sort of action like, it's hostile and WuFei's in for it....or whoever it is lands, and is deplaning, and WuFei's shocked by who it is etc, etc, etc...where it left off in the story I thought was a bit of a premature cliffhanger, if that was the purpose.
And which PV agent--anyone we know?--met the "Heero" and where in the building. Same building that Relena was inspecting right? But it was 'that guys' who I'm guessing planted the explosives in the building --same building-- that Relena had just finished inspecting? That part was a bit obscure as well.
Maybe I'm not reading it right and I need glasses, but I just think that some spots need a bit more detail or description is all. But make no mistake; your story's great. I'm eager to read more.
