Blissful Ignorance

VERSUS:



Heero Yuy VS. Sam Fisher (from Splinter Cell)!


It seems that the famed characters from the X-Box Continent on Planet Microsoft are waging a war against the Anime Planet's Gundam Continent!

Once respected allies back in the Vietnam Re-Enactment Club, the two planets are now mortal enemies... and Heero's own private war is the first fight.

It's going to be a rough ride. Heero has been assaulted once by the feared Master Chief and had bested him in combat. His Gundam in pieces, he walks back home... but he is not alone.

Someone stalks him, someone quiet, someone unseen... someone who is used to the art of stealth and concealment... but Heero is not a new face in the field, either. Indeed, he knows that he is being tailed, and intends to do something about it.



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After defragmenting Cortana's hard drive and removing her from the Master Chief's corpse (storing her computer chip safely into his pocket), Heero is tasked with walking home.

But in order to do so, he had to walk over land previously unwalked... or so it would seem.

Heero noticed light footsteps in the sand along the dark night shore. He stopped, and sniffed the air. His keen, sharpened military senses warned him of something imminent, something dangerous... and he smelled aftershave.

He did a full 180 degree turn as he pulled his handgun, and aimed it straight at the approaching man behind him. The man wore equiped tri-tipped night vision goggles.

"Dammit!" the man screamed, as he raised his hands. "How did you know?"

Heero laughed. "Smelled your aftershave. Dumbass, if you're going to go on a sneaking op, don't be scenting yourself... Sam Fisher."

The almost invisible stealth trooper almost choked as he heard his own name. "So you know me?"

Heero smiled. "I'd better know you a lot more than you'd know me... I only played Splinter Cell the whole way through on X-Box like fourteen times."

Fisher moaned. "I thought I told Lambert it was a bad idea to publish every little detail about my missions!"

"You know, I told Sunrise the same thing," Heero began. "Little bastards gave my entire anthology out, and now I'm the subject of almost every other Gundam Wing fansite out there..."

"Hah, you got it worse out than I do, then," Fisher laughed. Heero shot him in the arm, and Fisher made a pre-recorded gasp sound. He didn't flinch. Heero shot him again, in the same spot. Fisher made the same exact sound and still didn't flinch.

"What the hell?" Heero said. "You should be writhing in pain, not just standing there with a blank expression."

"Sorry, I wasn't coded to flinch. And I think out of everyone I've heard about, you have no right talking about blank expressions..." Fisher then moaned, and said, "Ahh, that's better."

"Uh," Heero began. "What the eff?"

Fisher sighed in relief. "Medpack..." He then rushed Heero and knocked his pistol out of his hand. The beach picked it up and lifted it away into the darkness.

"You bitch, that was my favorite pistol!" Heero tried to make a punch at the night-visioned man; Heero couldn't see very much except what the moon had illuminated.

Fisher laughed as he dodged the misaimed punch with ease. "It looks like a spraypainted NES Duckhunt blaster, why the hell do you use the thing?"

Heero screamed in anger as he threw another punch. Miss. Another. A miss. Another. A hit, but it hurt.

Fisher stopped, and then ran off into the darkness. Heero lost sight of the man... if only for a moment. As he scanned the dark brush just past the beach, he noticed three little lights from the man's night vision. Heero pulled another pistol from his spandex shorts and fired at the source of light. Another gasp of pain, using the same sound as before.

"How the hell did you see me!?" The Splinter Cell screamed from the darkness.

"I can see your night vision goggles. Damn, if you can sneak through dark hallways and streets wearing those things, the guards you fight must be pretty damned stupid. Those lights stick out."

Fisher scowled. "I tried to tell that to Ubisoft but they won't listen. And now I don't have any more medpacks." He rushed at Heero, who unloaded his second pistol. More gasps of pain, again in the same fashion as earlier. Fisher roll-ducked at Heero, and stopped just short of him. As he looked up, another Nintendo Duckhunt Blaster seeming handgun stared him down.

"Damn it. Where the hell did you get that?"

"I was drawn by my creators to always have a gun and ammo on me."

"You n00b, I have to find all my ammo the hard way."

"Yeah?" Heero said, slyly. "Well that must mean you suck. Let me guess, you're playing on the easiest skill level?"

"Yes..."

Fisher rushed Heero again, and he dodged. Sam stepped into water... and both of their visions turned red.

Heero was confused. "Uh... what the hell?"

The redness in his vision soon flashed the words, "Mission Failure." Heero and Sam screamed out to the stars, the moon, the heavens, at the same time; they both had failed!

Sam moaned. "Oops... I hate that s**t, when I step in water the mission fails."

Heero tried to move, but couldn't. He frowned. "I just have to kill you so bad, you know that right?" Sam Fisher ignored him.

And then the light shone in their faces; the sweet, sweet words of redemption: Press "A" to Restart Mission. They immediately thought of an A button and imagined pressing it...

And they both began right where they started: Heero with a gun to Sam Fisher's head. Heero didn't hesitate to unload his entire magazine into the Splinter Cell's head... to no avail. It only took 1/2 off the health bar.

"WHAT DAH FACK!?" Heero exclaimed, surprised.

"Another perk of being developed by Ubisoft... you're invincible to anything short of 100 rounds of automatic fire from an assault rifle at point blank."

Heero scowled again, as he reloaded. Fisher stood there, saying nothing. A menu popped up, and Heero saw Fisher selecting his F2000 and a sticky shocker; the bastard was going to shock him!

Heero jumped out of the way as the superspy pulled his rifle and fired his grenade launcher; the shocker slammed into the water and a whole school of fish floated to the surface. Heero turned to Fisher and displayed a quizzical look. Fisher shrugged and smiled nervously, just before firing fully automatic rifle fire at Heero. Heero willed himself into Manga form... he turned black-and-white, turned sideways, and disappeared.

Now it was Fisher's turn to use the F word. As he screamed the expletive, Heero shuffled sideways across the sand in his paper form, digging a small trail in the sand. He turned normal just behind Fisher, pulled the knife from the spy's backholster, and put it to his neck.

"Hey!" Fisher yelled. "That's my line in the script!"

0mikr0n: Heero, stick to the script, please.

"Ah, damn you, I hate you."

0mikr0n: Who don't you hate? Keep in mind that I'm letting you win this fight.

"... I don't hate Relena," he mumbled, as he let go of Fisher and handed the spy his M9 knife. He allowed himself into a headlock reluctantly and felt the cool steel of a knife touch his neck, not penetrating the skin.

Heero then elbow-jammed the man in the stomach, causing the spy to fling the knife into the air. As Fisher doubled over in pain, he fell to the ground... only to have Heero catch the knife just seconds before it hit his face. He took the knife, twirled it, and threw it into Fisher's rifle.

The knife nailed the trigger guard, and it began spinning wildly as it fired. A surprised look appeared on both of their faces as they glanced at each other and then back at the rifle!

"RUN!" they both screamed! They headed full speed at the beach... and Fisher again found himself in water. "DAMMIT!"

Heero, however, had a ping of 1337 on the server, and therefore it did not fail him. As he stood there in disbelief, he noticed that Fisher's computer had crashed; he had lagged out of the Anime Planet Game Server. Fisher stood there, twitching wildly.

"Hm," Heero hummed. "Another kill for me." He picked up Fisher's F2000, slung it over his shoulder, and continued his walk home on the shoreline.






Author's Note: If you don't play videogames online, this ending may confuse you. Basically, Sam Fisher's computer crashed because his rifle wasn't coded to be on the ground, a knife stuck in it, it firing wildly, and him failing the mission all at the same time. So, his computer crashed, and his ingame character glitched up! Heero had "lagged", or had bad connection problems for a fleeting moment, and luckily wasn't affected by the glitch. He took the rifle as a trophy and tool he could use in the future! So a computer glitch had PWNT Sam Fisher, Splinter Cell! Royally...