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Part3:The Devil Reborn

Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 12:26 am
by SHADOW
Four weeks have past since the operation in South East Asia and things have not gone that well. The Martion Colonial Goverment declared independence from the Earth Sphere Unified Nation.

Quatra just got out of the hospital and was just fine as Duo came in with his CAR-15 (M-4 Carbine) "Hey Quatra...How was the hospital food?" asked Duo "Not bad...Though Dorathy had some nice ways to help me pass the time." said Quatra "So sex in the hospital was grate?" asked Duo as Quatra replied "Yeah...I should get shot more offen but that would freak Dorathy out too much...but other wise we liked it."

Heero, Wu Fai, Trowa and Zechs walked in with weapons in hand as they heared what Quatra said "I did not need to hear that" said Wu Fai as he took off his assult vest and tosed it on the couch of the barraks. "You guys should try to have some fun wile your still young especialy you two ." said Duo as he looked over to Heero and Zechs "My love life is nice and normal...plus I'm not really in to the kinki shit like you and Quatra are" said Heero "Buddy...sleeping with a diplomat who is also the sister of your commanding officer...that's kini and a bit suicidel" replied Duo Zechs put his arm around Heeros neck and said "I trust Heero with her and that's all that counts...but if he herts her...he'll anser to us." "Us?" asked Trowa "Hekler, Koch and me" replied Zechs as he put his hand on the HK mark23 SOCOM pistol straped to his leg. Just then and explosen was heared and the alarms sounded about a sudden attack as the six men moved to the area of the explosion, four armed men ran out of the old mobile suit hanger and begain to open fire on them.

Heero pulled two Israili made Desert Eagles from a twin shoulder holster (like how Colin Farell did in American Outlaws) and fired off a round of 50.AE (Action Express)and took the arm off of the first gunman as the other three were cut down by Quatra and his Israili made Galial, Heero took the guy he shot prisoner as the others secure the area and to there horror the Tallgeess that was stashed there was destroyed. The gunmen was a young punk who was in a state of shock as he saw Heero wearing black BDU's weilding his Desert Eagles as can only say "The Devil"

Heero was in no mood for bullshit as he drove the muzzle of a Desert Eagle in to the prisoners wound and asked "Why did you do this?" In excutiating pain the prisoner ansered " We were sent here to take out the Tallgeess and you guys because our commander didn't want any wedding crashers." "Who's the lucky bride?" asked Heero the prisoner ansered "Relena Peacecraft" as a very pissed off Zechs walked over to and kicked the man down as Heero was going to drag him up and said " Who's your boss?" as he drew a K-Bar and placed it to the guys throwt. "Cornel Derek Dormay" replied the prisoner as Quatra got on the radio to confirm Heero sat in the Humvee just staring as his Desert Eagles he thought " Relena...I'll be there for you" as he remembered the first night they made love on a beach

Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:17 am
by RelenaDorlinYuy1
Hmmm nice plot but am a little bit confuse with the format and there are a few miss spell word and you need to work on your grammer , but overall its a nice plot i really like it


You should re-read your story or ask someone to beta read your fanfic , i am not being mean and all , other then that i wish you luck and welcome to the website , if you need any help feel free to ask we are willing to help you in anyway


Aloha
Sommer aka RelenaDorlinyuy1

Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 3:18 am
by takisha16
I agree.
The plot line is great, but there is alot of misspelled words and this definitely needs
to be arranged in concise paragraphs or divide the talking from the story line.
If you need an editor I can be willing to beta read some of your work.
This is a great site and people here are really helpful and give great advice! :wink:

Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 5:12 pm
by amulak
"I did not need to hear that" said Wu Fai
That made me laugh ^^

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 9:28 pm
by WingZero2118
very different from most other fics ive read but none the less its very good. try and work on the spelling though.