In the Arms of Another - Chapter 4
Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2002 3:37 am
In the Arms of Another
By the Black Rose
AN: The last chapter. Thank you so much for reading. ~Rose
Chapter 4
It was a long flight to L1. A long, silent flight in which Relena?s mind raced the entire time, trying to figure out what Heero was up to. It just didn?t make sense. He should have gone back to Earth to be with his?to see Kara, and yet here he was ? kidnapping her and taking her back to his home colony for some unfathomable reason. The shuttle docked and Heero gave up the controls. He led the way down the stairs and to the waiting car.
She followed him without a word.
They pulled up outside a large, rundown, brick and cinderblock warehouse. Heero turned off the engine and got out to open the door for Relena. She stood up and got her first good look at the building. She had been here before ? this was where her father had died. This was where she met Dr. J, who had told her not to get in the way of Heero?s mission.
But why would he bring me here? She wondered as he started to walk towards the structure. She stared at it for a moment, lost in thought, until Heero apparently realized she wasn?t with him and turned around to see why she had stopped.
He called out to her, interrupting her reverie. ?Relena.? Out of habit, she shook her head, met his eyes and smiled. Then she remembered herself and quickly dropped her gaze. She hurried to catch up with him on the sidewalk.
Heero waited for her to catch up then led the way to the door. He placed his thumb on a metal strip jetting out from one of the concrete bricks. Instantly, a control panel at eye level came to life. ?Welcome,? a computerized voice announced. The steel door panel opened, allowing them access to the building. She wondered briefly about such a rundown old warehouse having a state-of-the-art security system as she followed him inside.
They walked down a long corridor that ended at a large laboratory surrounded by glass. There was a door leading inside, but the hallway continued in either direction around the main room. Her palms sweating, Relena reached out to open the door and walked into the lab. She turned this way and that, trying to take in her surroundings, but she still had no clue why they were here. Relena was intrigued. The interior was so different, so much more modern than the outside, it was beyond strange.
She glanced briefly at the contents of the room. There was a hospital bed in the back right corner, dust covered and the once white sheets slightly yellowed with age. A variety of cobwebbed machinery was set up nearby, seemingly innocuous and not wholly out of place. She recognized a defibulator and an EKG meter.
Her eyes fell on the last piece and she frowned. There was a projector set up to the far right, on a pedestal next to the bed, and its screen on the opposite wall. She crossed the room, and ran a finger over the reel still in place on the projector. On a whim, she flicked the switch to turn it on.
Sound warbled as it came to life; the light bulb was dim but the images still managed to seem crisp on the dusty screen. Haunting music played in time with pictures of an old battlefield. Bodies of soldiers lie helplessly in bloodstained grass, graphic pictures of the wounded flashed by in quick succession. An explosion sounded and pitiful cries from the dying men rang out, filling every corner of her mind. Her blood turned to hard ice in her veins at the horrific images and the bone-chilling screams that were the threads of nightmares. She wanted to cover her ears and close her eyes, to turn the projector off, but she couldn?t move.
Then, thankfully, it stopped, seeming of its own accord.
?You shouldn?t watch that.? Heero?s voice filtered in through the panicked sound of her racing heart.
?It?s a level four. You?ll lose your lunch if you?ve never seen something like that before.?
?Level four?? She swallowed against the lump in her throat before turning to look at him. He held the reel in his hand, and he turned it towards her to reveal a large four in yellow tape on the side. She blinked, not comprehending what he was trying to say, when she caught sight of a journal lying open on the hospital bed. She reached over and picked it up. The cover was labeled ?Desensitization Training.? Frowning, she opened it to the first page and began to read:
Subject?s age: eight years old.
Name: unknown.
Day 1.
I started with a collection of depictions of graphic violence as displayed in mainstream movies, what I will refer to as Level 1. Subject does not appear to be disturbed by these images, unless there is violence against women or children. Rape scenes caused an increase in his heart rate, and the violent death of a child, though not real, caused an alteration in brain wave patterns indicating rejection of such behavior. Will continue on to level two with next treatment.
Relena brought a hand up to her mouth, her stomach churning at what this journal suggested ? that someone had attempted to desensitize an eight year old boy to all sorts of violent acts. She couldn?t believe it?.No one could be this cruel, could they? What sort of a man?What sort of a world would allow such a thing as the corruption, the purposeful hardening of an innocent child? It?s a joke, it has to be? She flipped a few pages and read another entry:
Day 12.
Still stuck on level two treatment. Subject reacts violently to the death of innocents, but seems to have become immune to the deaths of soldiers, and even the computer generated enactment of his own death. His brain wave patterns do not alter significantly when faced with acts of violence against men or soldiers?.
Her heart sunk further in her chest. Her fingers fumbled as she turned a few more pages.
Day 36.
Subject has finally passed to level three film, but still experiences a significant reaction to violence against women, children, and the infirm. When he came to the choice portion of the treatment, subject chose his own death instead of killing his enemy. This will not do. I wonder if we have made a mistake in our choice?
Relena looked up from the book. The laboratory wavered for a moment until she blinked. The movement cooled hot tears in her eyes. ?Was this you?? She couldn?t get her voice to rise above a whisper.
?Yes.?
She wished she could see him, but he had melted back into the shadowy corner of the room. She choked back a sob, and with trembling fingers, placed the journal back on the bed. She couldn?t read any more?.
Relena stumbled away from that corner of the room, her feet moving too quickly for the rest of her to keep her balance. Her mind raced, desperate to forget the horrible images she had experienced for a brief moment. She didn?t want to think about how Heero had been forced to watch such images as part of his training.
She moved towards the desk that was pushed against the wall only a few feet away, papers stacked in disorderly piles; there was another journal lying open. She stared, unable to make her hand reach out to it.
She glanced over her shoulder, asking him with her eyes ? for permission, for absolution from this nightmare?. He nodded and a wave of nausea crashed against her body. With shaking hands, she picked up the book and read the cover: ?Genetic enhancement therapies on a live subject.?
She almost dropped it. The weight was too heavy in her palm. She didn?t want to know?.
But Heero had brought her here for this, she was sure of it. He needed her to see these things, but why? Whatever his reason was, she owed him at least this much. She had to be strong. She took a deep breath, and opened the cover.
Subject age: eight years old.
Name: unknown.
Week 1, Day 1.
Will attempt genetic enhancements to speed up regenerative process, and stimulate growth. Subject?s age is exactly what our research indicates is key to surviving the therapies, as anesthesia could corrupt the chemicals, and significant amounts of pain will be involved. It is likely the intense pain will cause some memory loss, but we will attempt to stimulate the growth of synapses essential to learning and memory, so it will be interesting to see how much he will remember at the end of the treatments.
?Oh God?? A tear escaped from the corner of her eye and her whole body began to quake. Though her vision continued to swim, she turned the page with cold fingers that seemed to belong to someone else.
Week 17, Day 1.
Subject?s body seems to have finally stabilized after the week 12 treatment. It?s unexplained why he survived at all. The error in calculation could not be reversed and I feared all progress might have been lost. He does not remember me, or any of the things he told me of what happened to him prior to the time I found him. It is unknown whether this memory loss will be permanent.
We will begin the tests on how quickly his body will regenerate bone tissue in the next phase. I will compare the notes on blood flow and control recovery time pre-therapy for the broken right radius induced in week 1, with the post-therapy fracture he will endure tomorrow.
The book tumbled from her hands. ?How could they?? She murmured. Her breath came in gasps as the walls seemed to grow closer, suffocating her. She didn?t want to think that these people, these monsters, had treated a child, any child - but especially the one that she had come to know and love with all her heart - like nothing more than a guinea pig or lab rat.
Relena caught her breath as anger stormed into her heart, pushing aside guilt and sorrow in its path. ?How dare they?? Tears coursed down her cheeks as rage shook her spine and clenched her fists. ?How dare anyone play God like that!?
She tore from the room; one question kept repeating in her mind: ?Why?? But nothing seemed to hold the answer. She ran, wanting to escape, but took a wrong turn down one of the hallways. She slowed as she came to a smaller lab room, but couldn?t force herself to enter. A glass window peered inside, most likely by design.
It was empty, save for a lone hospital bed with restraints. An image appeared before her eyes - of Heero at eight years old struggling against those chains, crying for help, but with no one around to hear his pleas. It sapped the last of her strength. She wasn?t strong enough; she could have never endured all that he had. Her heart bled, and she wiped at her tears, stumbling blindly further down the hall.
She finally came to a small room with no door. It was bare except for a mattress on the ground in the far corner. She stepped inside, but tripped over a dim lump in her path. She turned and found a dingy old teddy bear staring up at her with chewed black eyes. She knelt down to pick it up and as she stood, she could feel his presence behind her. ?Was this your room?? She asked, and tried to keep her voice from shaking. She tightened her hold on the worn, brown bear.
?One of them. I didn?t have a room.?
She turned to face him then, cradling the stuffed animal in her arms. He stood in the hallway, leaning back against the wall, half hidden in darkness. ?You didn?t have a room?? She opened her mouth to ask a thousand other questions, but they stuck in her throat.
?I spent each night in a different room. Some of them had a bed. Sometimes, I slept on the floor. They didn?t want me to have any semblance of belonging, as a soldier is always transient during a war.?
?But you were just a child!?
He didn?t respond.
Relena held the teddy bear out to him. ?Was he yours??
?Yes. I brought it back from a mission, and had to hide it to keep it from being taken away. I wasn?t allowed to own anything. Even my clothes were handed back to Dr. J at the end of the day.?
?But Heero, why? Why would they do this to you? Why would you let them??
There was a long pause, and Relena was afraid for a moment that she had said something wrong.
?Why? They trained me to fight so that others wouldn?t have to. I let them because it was better for me to suffer than someone else whose life was worth more than mine.? His voice was even, calm, a deep contrast to her own emotionally-charged outburst. She felt like a child being chided by her father, and turned away to hide her feelings of shame.
Heero, she cried out in her mind, but kept silent as she stepped back into the hallway. She wanted desperately to reach out to him, to take away all the hurt and the pain of his past, but it wasn?t her place. He had chosen another to give his heart to, and perhaps she had already eased his restless soul.
She walked on jelly legs down the corridor towards the main laboratory. She was ready to leave, but Heero took the lead and opened the door, holding it for her to enter. She noticed that there was a large pile of papers on the floor, the desk cleared off, and some rolls of what looked like blueprints. Several movie reels lay on top of the pile, marked with the same yellow tape as the one she had seen.
?Stay here,? he commanded and left the room. When Heero returned, he was carrying a metal trash barrel. He set it down next to the outside window. Strong fingers unlatched the glass and lifted the pane, then pushed aside the outside shutters covering the opening. He walked over to the pile of papers and threw a large stack into the container. A lighter appeared from his pocket, and he held its flame to a lone sheet. Once the paper had caught, he dropped it in with the others. They instantly lit, but quickly died. Heero frowned, and moved over to a far cabinet against the wall. He threw open the doors and rummaged around, searching for something. He came back with lighter fluid, a few pieces of kindling and several strips of newsprint.
At once comprehending his intention, Relena stirred from her place near the door to help him start the fire. Before long, orange flames were crackling; it was growing dark outside, and the only light in the room besides what trickled in from the front of the building was the fire flickering in the trash bin and casting long, deep shadows against the concrete walls.
Heero picked up one of the rolls of blueprints, lit the ammonia-soaked paper and tossed it into the blaze. He stared after it, as if mesmerized by the intensity and glow of the tongues of fire as they consumed his offering.
Relena watched him, trying to decipher the dangerous mystery of who he really was. She had been given a glimpse of a past she had known existed in the back of her mind, but denied for what she had to admit were her own selfish reasons. She hadn?t wanted to know....
She traced the taut lines of his face with her eyes, hoping to find some clue. But even with these new pieces of the puzzle, she could not figure out what it was he was trying to tell her. It was like he was opening himself in a way he never had before, stripping the last of the walls away and asking her acceptance. But why me? Why bring me here, instead of her? She wondered. Her fingers itched to touch him, but his rigid form and clenched jaw kept her hands at her side.
?Why did you bring me here, Heero??
She saw him stiffen and square his shoulders. ?I wanted to end this.? His voice sounded low and harsh.
Her heart drowned. Had she lost even his friendship? ?End what?? Her voice trembled with the question. She held her breath waiting for his reply, but there was only silence as she stared at the floor.
And suddenly, he was standing before her - so close she could smell the faint scent of his cologne. The urge to reach out to him was so strong, it was almost tangible. Then she felt his hand under her chin, forcing her to look up at him in the faint light. His eyes glittered strangely in the orange glow cast by the flickering flames. ?Don?t push me away,? he breathed and leaned forward to brush his lips against hers.
The slight touch set off a chain reaction through her body. Tiny shivers threaded through her muscles and rippled her skin like a pebble skimming the surface of a pond. She pulled away.
?Heero, I?we can?t. It isn?t right.? Relena turned from him to try and hide the heartache he caused with the brief kiss. She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue with what she had been longing to tell him for so many years.
?Heero, I have wanted to tell you this for, well, awhile now, but it was never the right time. And even now...I know it's not, but I just have to tell you how much I love you. I have always loved you, and I want you to be happy.? Every breath felt like she was fighting an iron band around her lungs. She willed herself to go on. ?Even if it means letting you go.?
There was silence for what seemed to be a long moment. His hand grabbed her shoulder and he pulled her body around to face him. She glanced up and met his gaze in the strange, wavering light.
He stared down at her, his eyes demanding what he had once been so bold as to ask for ? her faith.
Believe in me, Relena.
Her eyes widened; she knew that look and could hear his voice in her mind. ?But?.? She protested, unable to resolve the unspoken message with her reality. ?But you?re engaged...?
He moved his head from side to side, a slight smile of what seemed like amusement playing on his lips as he conveyed the message that she was mistaken.
Relena?s breath caught and this time she let her body relax into his arms when he pulled her into his embrace.
?I?m so sorry, Heero. Duo told me you were getting married, and I?. Please forgive me, I didn?t mean to hurt you,? she said hugging him back and burying her face into his neck. He sighed and closed his eyes.
They continued holding each other for several minutes before he finally released her and stepped away. He moved back to the assortment lying on the ground, and threw the last of the pile, including the film reels, into the fire, rejuvenating the blaze. His eyes flickered in the firelight, just watching his past disintegrate into so many ashes ? the way the bodies of the soldiers he killed burned to ashes in the path of his gundam?s buster rifle.
A slight draft wafted by, and he realized she had moved away. His heart quickened and he sought her with his eyes across the floor. The artificial moon had turned on and was pouring its silvery light into the room from the window. He could just make out her form, walking towards him, the two journals she had found earlier in her arms.
She came to a halt in front of the barrel. He stepped forward, unsure he could allow her to dispose of them. Heero took the books from her, staring at each one for a moment. Scientific research and data that could be useful was contained in those journals. But useful for what? For creating another human weapon?
He looked up at her, their shadows moving about wildly on the far wall as the fire continued to burn brightly in anticipation of more sustenance. Her blue eyes shone with life and love, as if she held the future in her very hands. It almost made him smile. The world didn?t need another gundam pilot 01; Relena would make sure of that.
Having made his decision, Heero tossed the only remnants of his childhood into the hungry flames, then leaned down to capture her lips in a tender kiss.
And as the night wore on, hungry flames dwindled into cooling embers. The dark shadows of the past seemed to melt into one, then slowly fade away.
By the Black Rose
AN: The last chapter. Thank you so much for reading. ~Rose
Chapter 4
It was a long flight to L1. A long, silent flight in which Relena?s mind raced the entire time, trying to figure out what Heero was up to. It just didn?t make sense. He should have gone back to Earth to be with his?to see Kara, and yet here he was ? kidnapping her and taking her back to his home colony for some unfathomable reason. The shuttle docked and Heero gave up the controls. He led the way down the stairs and to the waiting car.
She followed him without a word.
They pulled up outside a large, rundown, brick and cinderblock warehouse. Heero turned off the engine and got out to open the door for Relena. She stood up and got her first good look at the building. She had been here before ? this was where her father had died. This was where she met Dr. J, who had told her not to get in the way of Heero?s mission.
But why would he bring me here? She wondered as he started to walk towards the structure. She stared at it for a moment, lost in thought, until Heero apparently realized she wasn?t with him and turned around to see why she had stopped.
He called out to her, interrupting her reverie. ?Relena.? Out of habit, she shook her head, met his eyes and smiled. Then she remembered herself and quickly dropped her gaze. She hurried to catch up with him on the sidewalk.
Heero waited for her to catch up then led the way to the door. He placed his thumb on a metal strip jetting out from one of the concrete bricks. Instantly, a control panel at eye level came to life. ?Welcome,? a computerized voice announced. The steel door panel opened, allowing them access to the building. She wondered briefly about such a rundown old warehouse having a state-of-the-art security system as she followed him inside.
They walked down a long corridor that ended at a large laboratory surrounded by glass. There was a door leading inside, but the hallway continued in either direction around the main room. Her palms sweating, Relena reached out to open the door and walked into the lab. She turned this way and that, trying to take in her surroundings, but she still had no clue why they were here. Relena was intrigued. The interior was so different, so much more modern than the outside, it was beyond strange.
She glanced briefly at the contents of the room. There was a hospital bed in the back right corner, dust covered and the once white sheets slightly yellowed with age. A variety of cobwebbed machinery was set up nearby, seemingly innocuous and not wholly out of place. She recognized a defibulator and an EKG meter.
Her eyes fell on the last piece and she frowned. There was a projector set up to the far right, on a pedestal next to the bed, and its screen on the opposite wall. She crossed the room, and ran a finger over the reel still in place on the projector. On a whim, she flicked the switch to turn it on.
Sound warbled as it came to life; the light bulb was dim but the images still managed to seem crisp on the dusty screen. Haunting music played in time with pictures of an old battlefield. Bodies of soldiers lie helplessly in bloodstained grass, graphic pictures of the wounded flashed by in quick succession. An explosion sounded and pitiful cries from the dying men rang out, filling every corner of her mind. Her blood turned to hard ice in her veins at the horrific images and the bone-chilling screams that were the threads of nightmares. She wanted to cover her ears and close her eyes, to turn the projector off, but she couldn?t move.
Then, thankfully, it stopped, seeming of its own accord.
?You shouldn?t watch that.? Heero?s voice filtered in through the panicked sound of her racing heart.
?It?s a level four. You?ll lose your lunch if you?ve never seen something like that before.?
?Level four?? She swallowed against the lump in her throat before turning to look at him. He held the reel in his hand, and he turned it towards her to reveal a large four in yellow tape on the side. She blinked, not comprehending what he was trying to say, when she caught sight of a journal lying open on the hospital bed. She reached over and picked it up. The cover was labeled ?Desensitization Training.? Frowning, she opened it to the first page and began to read:
Subject?s age: eight years old.
Name: unknown.
Day 1.
I started with a collection of depictions of graphic violence as displayed in mainstream movies, what I will refer to as Level 1. Subject does not appear to be disturbed by these images, unless there is violence against women or children. Rape scenes caused an increase in his heart rate, and the violent death of a child, though not real, caused an alteration in brain wave patterns indicating rejection of such behavior. Will continue on to level two with next treatment.
Relena brought a hand up to her mouth, her stomach churning at what this journal suggested ? that someone had attempted to desensitize an eight year old boy to all sorts of violent acts. She couldn?t believe it?.No one could be this cruel, could they? What sort of a man?What sort of a world would allow such a thing as the corruption, the purposeful hardening of an innocent child? It?s a joke, it has to be? She flipped a few pages and read another entry:
Day 12.
Still stuck on level two treatment. Subject reacts violently to the death of innocents, but seems to have become immune to the deaths of soldiers, and even the computer generated enactment of his own death. His brain wave patterns do not alter significantly when faced with acts of violence against men or soldiers?.
Her heart sunk further in her chest. Her fingers fumbled as she turned a few more pages.
Day 36.
Subject has finally passed to level three film, but still experiences a significant reaction to violence against women, children, and the infirm. When he came to the choice portion of the treatment, subject chose his own death instead of killing his enemy. This will not do. I wonder if we have made a mistake in our choice?
Relena looked up from the book. The laboratory wavered for a moment until she blinked. The movement cooled hot tears in her eyes. ?Was this you?? She couldn?t get her voice to rise above a whisper.
?Yes.?
She wished she could see him, but he had melted back into the shadowy corner of the room. She choked back a sob, and with trembling fingers, placed the journal back on the bed. She couldn?t read any more?.
Relena stumbled away from that corner of the room, her feet moving too quickly for the rest of her to keep her balance. Her mind raced, desperate to forget the horrible images she had experienced for a brief moment. She didn?t want to think about how Heero had been forced to watch such images as part of his training.
She moved towards the desk that was pushed against the wall only a few feet away, papers stacked in disorderly piles; there was another journal lying open. She stared, unable to make her hand reach out to it.
She glanced over her shoulder, asking him with her eyes ? for permission, for absolution from this nightmare?. He nodded and a wave of nausea crashed against her body. With shaking hands, she picked up the book and read the cover: ?Genetic enhancement therapies on a live subject.?
She almost dropped it. The weight was too heavy in her palm. She didn?t want to know?.
But Heero had brought her here for this, she was sure of it. He needed her to see these things, but why? Whatever his reason was, she owed him at least this much. She had to be strong. She took a deep breath, and opened the cover.
Subject age: eight years old.
Name: unknown.
Week 1, Day 1.
Will attempt genetic enhancements to speed up regenerative process, and stimulate growth. Subject?s age is exactly what our research indicates is key to surviving the therapies, as anesthesia could corrupt the chemicals, and significant amounts of pain will be involved. It is likely the intense pain will cause some memory loss, but we will attempt to stimulate the growth of synapses essential to learning and memory, so it will be interesting to see how much he will remember at the end of the treatments.
?Oh God?? A tear escaped from the corner of her eye and her whole body began to quake. Though her vision continued to swim, she turned the page with cold fingers that seemed to belong to someone else.
Week 17, Day 1.
Subject?s body seems to have finally stabilized after the week 12 treatment. It?s unexplained why he survived at all. The error in calculation could not be reversed and I feared all progress might have been lost. He does not remember me, or any of the things he told me of what happened to him prior to the time I found him. It is unknown whether this memory loss will be permanent.
We will begin the tests on how quickly his body will regenerate bone tissue in the next phase. I will compare the notes on blood flow and control recovery time pre-therapy for the broken right radius induced in week 1, with the post-therapy fracture he will endure tomorrow.
The book tumbled from her hands. ?How could they?? She murmured. Her breath came in gasps as the walls seemed to grow closer, suffocating her. She didn?t want to think that these people, these monsters, had treated a child, any child - but especially the one that she had come to know and love with all her heart - like nothing more than a guinea pig or lab rat.
Relena caught her breath as anger stormed into her heart, pushing aside guilt and sorrow in its path. ?How dare they?? Tears coursed down her cheeks as rage shook her spine and clenched her fists. ?How dare anyone play God like that!?
She tore from the room; one question kept repeating in her mind: ?Why?? But nothing seemed to hold the answer. She ran, wanting to escape, but took a wrong turn down one of the hallways. She slowed as she came to a smaller lab room, but couldn?t force herself to enter. A glass window peered inside, most likely by design.
It was empty, save for a lone hospital bed with restraints. An image appeared before her eyes - of Heero at eight years old struggling against those chains, crying for help, but with no one around to hear his pleas. It sapped the last of her strength. She wasn?t strong enough; she could have never endured all that he had. Her heart bled, and she wiped at her tears, stumbling blindly further down the hall.
She finally came to a small room with no door. It was bare except for a mattress on the ground in the far corner. She stepped inside, but tripped over a dim lump in her path. She turned and found a dingy old teddy bear staring up at her with chewed black eyes. She knelt down to pick it up and as she stood, she could feel his presence behind her. ?Was this your room?? She asked, and tried to keep her voice from shaking. She tightened her hold on the worn, brown bear.
?One of them. I didn?t have a room.?
She turned to face him then, cradling the stuffed animal in her arms. He stood in the hallway, leaning back against the wall, half hidden in darkness. ?You didn?t have a room?? She opened her mouth to ask a thousand other questions, but they stuck in her throat.
?I spent each night in a different room. Some of them had a bed. Sometimes, I slept on the floor. They didn?t want me to have any semblance of belonging, as a soldier is always transient during a war.?
?But you were just a child!?
He didn?t respond.
Relena held the teddy bear out to him. ?Was he yours??
?Yes. I brought it back from a mission, and had to hide it to keep it from being taken away. I wasn?t allowed to own anything. Even my clothes were handed back to Dr. J at the end of the day.?
?But Heero, why? Why would they do this to you? Why would you let them??
There was a long pause, and Relena was afraid for a moment that she had said something wrong.
?Why? They trained me to fight so that others wouldn?t have to. I let them because it was better for me to suffer than someone else whose life was worth more than mine.? His voice was even, calm, a deep contrast to her own emotionally-charged outburst. She felt like a child being chided by her father, and turned away to hide her feelings of shame.
Heero, she cried out in her mind, but kept silent as she stepped back into the hallway. She wanted desperately to reach out to him, to take away all the hurt and the pain of his past, but it wasn?t her place. He had chosen another to give his heart to, and perhaps she had already eased his restless soul.
She walked on jelly legs down the corridor towards the main laboratory. She was ready to leave, but Heero took the lead and opened the door, holding it for her to enter. She noticed that there was a large pile of papers on the floor, the desk cleared off, and some rolls of what looked like blueprints. Several movie reels lay on top of the pile, marked with the same yellow tape as the one she had seen.
?Stay here,? he commanded and left the room. When Heero returned, he was carrying a metal trash barrel. He set it down next to the outside window. Strong fingers unlatched the glass and lifted the pane, then pushed aside the outside shutters covering the opening. He walked over to the pile of papers and threw a large stack into the container. A lighter appeared from his pocket, and he held its flame to a lone sheet. Once the paper had caught, he dropped it in with the others. They instantly lit, but quickly died. Heero frowned, and moved over to a far cabinet against the wall. He threw open the doors and rummaged around, searching for something. He came back with lighter fluid, a few pieces of kindling and several strips of newsprint.
At once comprehending his intention, Relena stirred from her place near the door to help him start the fire. Before long, orange flames were crackling; it was growing dark outside, and the only light in the room besides what trickled in from the front of the building was the fire flickering in the trash bin and casting long, deep shadows against the concrete walls.
Heero picked up one of the rolls of blueprints, lit the ammonia-soaked paper and tossed it into the blaze. He stared after it, as if mesmerized by the intensity and glow of the tongues of fire as they consumed his offering.
Relena watched him, trying to decipher the dangerous mystery of who he really was. She had been given a glimpse of a past she had known existed in the back of her mind, but denied for what she had to admit were her own selfish reasons. She hadn?t wanted to know....
She traced the taut lines of his face with her eyes, hoping to find some clue. But even with these new pieces of the puzzle, she could not figure out what it was he was trying to tell her. It was like he was opening himself in a way he never had before, stripping the last of the walls away and asking her acceptance. But why me? Why bring me here, instead of her? She wondered. Her fingers itched to touch him, but his rigid form and clenched jaw kept her hands at her side.
?Why did you bring me here, Heero??
She saw him stiffen and square his shoulders. ?I wanted to end this.? His voice sounded low and harsh.
Her heart drowned. Had she lost even his friendship? ?End what?? Her voice trembled with the question. She held her breath waiting for his reply, but there was only silence as she stared at the floor.
And suddenly, he was standing before her - so close she could smell the faint scent of his cologne. The urge to reach out to him was so strong, it was almost tangible. Then she felt his hand under her chin, forcing her to look up at him in the faint light. His eyes glittered strangely in the orange glow cast by the flickering flames. ?Don?t push me away,? he breathed and leaned forward to brush his lips against hers.
The slight touch set off a chain reaction through her body. Tiny shivers threaded through her muscles and rippled her skin like a pebble skimming the surface of a pond. She pulled away.
?Heero, I?we can?t. It isn?t right.? Relena turned from him to try and hide the heartache he caused with the brief kiss. She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue with what she had been longing to tell him for so many years.
?Heero, I have wanted to tell you this for, well, awhile now, but it was never the right time. And even now...I know it's not, but I just have to tell you how much I love you. I have always loved you, and I want you to be happy.? Every breath felt like she was fighting an iron band around her lungs. She willed herself to go on. ?Even if it means letting you go.?
There was silence for what seemed to be a long moment. His hand grabbed her shoulder and he pulled her body around to face him. She glanced up and met his gaze in the strange, wavering light.
He stared down at her, his eyes demanding what he had once been so bold as to ask for ? her faith.
Believe in me, Relena.
Her eyes widened; she knew that look and could hear his voice in her mind. ?But?.? She protested, unable to resolve the unspoken message with her reality. ?But you?re engaged...?
He moved his head from side to side, a slight smile of what seemed like amusement playing on his lips as he conveyed the message that she was mistaken.
Relena?s breath caught and this time she let her body relax into his arms when he pulled her into his embrace.
?I?m so sorry, Heero. Duo told me you were getting married, and I?. Please forgive me, I didn?t mean to hurt you,? she said hugging him back and burying her face into his neck. He sighed and closed his eyes.
They continued holding each other for several minutes before he finally released her and stepped away. He moved back to the assortment lying on the ground, and threw the last of the pile, including the film reels, into the fire, rejuvenating the blaze. His eyes flickered in the firelight, just watching his past disintegrate into so many ashes ? the way the bodies of the soldiers he killed burned to ashes in the path of his gundam?s buster rifle.
A slight draft wafted by, and he realized she had moved away. His heart quickened and he sought her with his eyes across the floor. The artificial moon had turned on and was pouring its silvery light into the room from the window. He could just make out her form, walking towards him, the two journals she had found earlier in her arms.
She came to a halt in front of the barrel. He stepped forward, unsure he could allow her to dispose of them. Heero took the books from her, staring at each one for a moment. Scientific research and data that could be useful was contained in those journals. But useful for what? For creating another human weapon?
He looked up at her, their shadows moving about wildly on the far wall as the fire continued to burn brightly in anticipation of more sustenance. Her blue eyes shone with life and love, as if she held the future in her very hands. It almost made him smile. The world didn?t need another gundam pilot 01; Relena would make sure of that.
Having made his decision, Heero tossed the only remnants of his childhood into the hungry flames, then leaned down to capture her lips in a tender kiss.
And as the night wore on, hungry flames dwindled into cooling embers. The dark shadows of the past seemed to melt into one, then slowly fade away.
) The ending felt a little abrupt; I would have loved to seen Relena confront Duo of his misrepresentation of Heero's availability. Still, I loved it 
Its going to be one of those stories that stays in my mind for a long time.