Blissful Ignorance

Ah, we?ve hit 10, and there?s still a few more chapters to go. I want to thank everyone who?s stuck with me on this; of course, the bigger, more heartfelt gratitude will come at the end of the fic.

Disclaimer: I don?t own Gundam Wing or Miss Saigon.

Love Beyond All Fear ? Chapter 10

By Gundam Girl

The ship Howard had found going to Morocco wasn?t old, but it was inexpensive; made of wood, it jostled horribly on every other wave. At least, that was what it felt like to Relena as she sat below deck, pressed up against one cold, rough wall with Derek sleeping in her arms. Many of the people on board were people who had fled the surrounding areas of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which had been bombed last year. She could remember the horror of the American planes scoring the sky with their white lines of smoke.

Her son had a fever. He had been ill for the past month and a half, since the day after they had gotten on this godforsaken boat. And though Howard said that they would arrive in Morocco in less than a week, Relena worried. Derek would probably be all right ? a doctor on the ship had inspected him. But there was not enough fresh water to dampen a cloth and cool his head with, so Relena had resorted to stealing it every night and once in the afternoon. She just went to the barrels on deck and dipped the cloth in, then returned to Derek below. It rained much, too, and she used that as well.

She didn?t sleep much. She only got about four hours a day, unlike Howard. The only thing he did was sleep. No one on the ship had been able to take a bath since before embarking, and the stench was overwhelming.

Her only comfort was that, while they waited for another ship at Morocco, there would be work for her. Howard had admitted that it would be the same work as she had taken under him three years ago, but Morocco had methods of preventing pregnancy. Relena couldn?t have been more grateful for that. There was no way, she thought, that she would put another innocent child in a hellish situation like this.

She looked down into Derek?s resting face, and her heart clenched. He really did look so much like Heero. And because he did, it gave her dreams. She dreamt of her husband, and the visions were so real that sometimes she woke up, reaching for him.

But he wasn?t there. He hadn?t been there for three years. When the dream cleared, she wasn?t in Heero?s arms. She wasn?t feeling Heero?s kisses. She was alone, with no one but her love?s son to care for, instead of being cared for herself.

However, Relena reminded herself with a smile, Heero would be there. It didn?t matter if it was a week or months before she saw him, simply knowing that she would definitely be reunited with him spirited her and made her strong. And she had to be strong.

If she weren?t strong, then Derek would die.

And Derek was not going to die.

Sometimes she wondered if Heero had been a dream, if all the pleasure and laughter he had brought her wasn?t just a warped fantasy of an equally warped mind. They had been torn apart such a long time ago that small bits of memories were beginning to slip, like how his deep chuckle had stirred her heart and how his promises of seeing New York City had excited her. Or how easily he had rendered her helpless with just the lightest of touches.

But she knew, of course, that had hadn?t been a dream. With Derek sturdy and real in her arms, her son acted as soon that Heero Yuy had loved her. Still loved her.

And that?s why he would live, no matter what measures were necessary. Her son was going to know his father, the same love Heero had given her. Even if she had to give her own life?it would happen.

Relena closed her eyes. Seeing Heero in her mind?s eye, she fell into the little sleep she was able to get.

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Three weeks later.

New York City?s town hall was crowded with many lawyers, politicians, and military representatives. Rumors and whispers buzzed like so many flies through the hall, making Quatre feel more nervous than he?d thought he would.

?Today?s the day,? he said to Trowa and Wufei, he stood with him on the small stage in front of the crowd. He glanced over the guests and saw that Heero and Catherine were in the front row. He smiled and nodded to them.

Trowa saw them too and frowned. ?Was he supposed to be here??

?I don?t think he?d miss it,? Wufei told him. He then added in a lower voice, making sure Quatre couldn?t hear. ?Perhaps it?s for the better. I think I?ll meet with him after the presentation. Are the slides ready?? he asked Quatre, louder now.

?Of course.? He flipped on a projector next to him, lighting up a large white sheet that spread over the wall behind him. The crowd began to settle down.

Trowa stepped up to the podium in the middle of the stage, Quatre near him, operating the projector, and Wufei on his other side, observing the guests. ?Ladies and gentlemen,? he said into the microphone on the podium. ?You have come here today to witness what Mr. Winner, Mr. Chang, and myself feel is a very important issue in today?s society.

It is 1946, and our country is in the process of recovering from a war, and many immigrants and flowing into the States; most of them are even from the countries we attacked. Yes, the topic I wish to breach today is the heartlessness, necessary or unnecessary, we used against Hiroshima and Nagasaki.?

Many of the people rose from their chairs, began shouting protests, but Trowa and Wufei raised their hands and asked to be allowed to finish before any statements were made. Out of the corner of his eye, Trowa saw Heero?s face tense up. Though Relena had not been in either of the two placed that had been bombed, he knew that Heero was considering the possibility of her having been killed in a U.S. attack.

?What I am going to say,? Trowa went on, ?is not about the actions of the bombings, but the results of them. In Japan, many soldiers were ordered to lay low near the oceans and work on investigation. Mr. Winner, Mr. Chang, and myself were a few of those soldiers. While there, we, and men like us took advantage of the lower-degree country and the people. We threw dollars at them, and the Japanese grabbed them up, eager for money whether they could use it or not. We eagerly succumbed to what they offered us, a special feature being the masses of Asian and European prostitutes settled there.

?And, as you all know, we were forced to make a quick getaway in helicopters out of Japan because the government considered these hosting villages as traitors and liars. But what choice did we give them? Were they to simply refuse us, the higher-class soldier, whatever it was we wanted? No, they couldn?t do that,? Trowa said, his tone firm. ?Because they are scrambling for a living out there. They are desperate to go on in the world in whatever way they can. So, whether these women wished to or not ? and I dare say that many didn?t wish to ? they coupled with us. And, as you may have guessed, they have had our children.? He nodded to Quatre.

Behind them, a slide covered the white screen, and the massive image of a little girl no more than four or five stared at the guests. Some gasped. The girl was half-starved, her eyes big and dark. Her hair was strawberry blond, and her face wasn?t the least bit Asian with the exception of the color of her skin.

Another slide appeared; two children this time, two boys, were sitting on the rocky ground, gathering water from mud puddles into bottles for themselves. The next slide showed another boy, shirtless, his ribs countable from the picture that had been taken ten feet away.

There was another buzz of conversation in the crowds, many bursting out with rage and insistence that the photographs were inappropriate for discussing a war bravely fought.

?We are not discussing the war,? Trowa said loudly into the microphone and the group began to settle again. ?We are discussing what the soldiers fighting the war brought. We created these helpless children, gentlemen, and we are doing absolutely nothing for them. Consider these Asian-American children mistakes if you think that?s what they are, but even mistakes need to be rectified. We cannot simply walk around pretending that what happened with women in Japan was not real.

?Something must be done. Like it or not,? said Trowa, his eyes meeting as many of the guests as they could, ?these are all our children. And we are leaving them to die. I?m like you; out in that foreign land, I thought that once I got home, I would forget everything I saw there. I didn?t think I?d give a damn. But I do. I have to.? He gestured toward the pictures, more slides being shown, all of them horrifying to the privileged citizens of the U.S.A. ?Help me help them. Help me try to.?

With that, the projector shut off, and the haunting, American faces disappeared. Trowa stood with Wufei and Quatre on stage, staring down the crowd. There was silence in the town hall.

But then someone began to clap. It wasn?t Heero, because Quatre checked. Heero was sitting there, staring at the now-blank screen. His eyes were wide and glassy. Quatre returned his gaze to the others and saw that the one clapping was their attorney, Vente. Others soon began to join in the applause, and then the whole hall was ringing to the claps and murmurs of appreciative men, and one or two women.

Wufei?s eyes caught movement at the front. Heero and Catherine were going. Leaving the recognition and offers of help from the crowd to Trowa and Quatre, he quickly left the stage and followed the pair outside.

Once on the street, Wufei saw that Heero was standing by himself.

?Your presentation was?great,? Heero said, faltering slightly in his resolve.

?Where?s Catherine?? he asked, looking around.

?I sent her home. I needed to talk to you privately, or so you said on the phone.? Heero eyed his friend with some mistrust. ?What was it you said you could only tell me??

Wufei winced slightly. Now that he was standing here, he hadn?t exactly thought about how to tell Heero what he wanted to say. ?When Trowa, Quatre, and I were putting this thing together, we did a lot of research on where immigrants were going if it wasn?t America. There have been several groups sailing to Morocco. They get there by ship first, and then they get on another ship and sail here. In fact, we have a small volunteer staff in Morocco. Reports are sent to our office.?

Heero remained silent, so Wufei continued.

?We process problems on their behalf. Heero?? He took a deep breath. ?We received a letter about??

?Relena.? Heero stared straight into Wufei?s shocked, almond-shaped eyes. ?Well, isn?t that right??

Wufei stuffed his hands in his pockets. ?A week ago, it came in. Trowa and I?d have told you earlier, but we wanted to clear this presentation first before we would start worrying for you. Quatre doesn?t know; we didn?t think he?d be able to keep it from you.?

Heero stared past Wufei at a tree planted at the end of the sidewalk. ?You know what I went through, Wufei. Every day for a whole year, I tried to get word.? His eyes snapped to the Chinese man?s. ?First, tell me this, before anything else. Tell me?did she survive?? His fists were closed and near his sides.

?You really should read the report, Heero.? Wufei sighed. ?But yes. Relena is alive.?

The news hit Heero like a blow to the face. He even staggered backwards a few steps. ?This is?real?? At Wufei?s grim nod, he inhaled shakily. ?You can?t imagine, Wufei, the nightmares I?ve had about her. I run through streets, over and around people. I can hear her screaming, screaming out my name, but I can?t find her. Then I run into Fair View, and she?s there, she?s?she?s dead. Her face is burned off, like those who got bombed in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. And the guy holding the torch is usually with the Japanese, but sometimes?? He whispered, ?Sometimes it?s me.?

Wufei?s eyes narrowed. ?Stop it, Yuy. That?s your mind making a fool out of you.?

?Maybe,? he said. He saw the trepidation in Wufei?s eyes. ?What is it?? His own gaze firmed. ?What else, Wufei? There?s more. I can tell that there?s more to this than just Relena?s survival.?

?Yes.? Wufei glanced away, but just for a moment. ?Relena?just a little over three years ago. She??

?She what?? Heero demanded. ?Tell me about Relena!?

?She has a child,? Wufei told him hastily, his voice stiff. ?Heero?it?s yours. You have a son.?

He didn?t move. He couldn?t even breathe. Heero just stood there, staring at his war comrade as though he had vanished into thin air. Heero wished he could vanish. As affected as he was by Wufei?s words, the surprise wasn?t as great as it would have been if?

If not for those nightmares.

?I don?t think you?ll believe me, let alone understand me, Wufei, but?I knew it. I knew about him.? Heero exhaled a great, shuddering sigh. He ran a trembling hand through his thick hair. ?I dreamed of him. He?s in the nightmare of Relena, just after I die, too.?

Heero turned, paced away, then came back to see Wufei standing stock still, watching him. The other man no doubt thought that he was going crazy. ?Jesus, Wufei! I got married!? In denial, he asked quietly, ?Can what you?re saying be actually real??

Wufei shook his head, feeling sorry for his friend. ?I?m only telling you what we were told. Our reports haven?t proved false yet, Heero. Relena?s a bar girl in Morocco. She?s working with a Hidaki Tomoya. I think that may be the guy who called himself Howard, who you paid for Relena.? He paused, seeing the anguish in Heero?s eyes. ?Look, I can imagine how you?re feeling but??

?You cannot!? exclaimed Heero, backing away from Wufei. ?This is?this whole thing? I should never have left her! And now?? He shook his head violently. ?It?s too late. I have this life in American now. I loved Relena, I was so in love with her, Wufei!? His voice held so much passion, but in it was a tinge of reality. ?But now, there?s Catherine. My wife, Catherine,? he murmured.

?Listen, Heero. I understand that this whole revelation is a huge shock,? Wufei told him honestly. ?But we?ve dealt with cases like this before. You remember Jonathan Picket? Same case, and he?s got this half-Japanese girl living with him now. See? There are solutions here.? He added encouragingly, ?It isn?t always bad.?

?Wufei,? he groaned, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. ?God! I never told her!?

?Told her? Told her what? Relena??

?Not Relena,? said Heero. ?Relena heard everything that I ever felt about at the time. I?m talking about Cathy. She doesn?t know much of anything about when I was in Japan. She doesn?t even know that I talked to any woman there, let alone fell in love with Relena!? His voice held a tone of panic. ?How the hell could I tell her now, after we?ve been married for three years?? He put a fist to his mouth, bit down on the knuckle. ?A child,? he muttered, more to himself than to the Chinese man. ?What can I do?? He met Wufei?s eyes again. ?What I did to Relena? It must have shattered her, Wufei. I can?t possibly do the same thing to Cathy.?

Wufei watched as Heero paced around, turning circles, straining at the bit. ?We?ve watched couples work through this,? he said, attempting to be careful. ?The three of us are learning good methods of coping. I think,? he said slowly, ?that you should both come to Morocco with me. Catherine too.?

Heero stopped and looked at Wufei in surprise. ?Us both? Is that really a good idea??

Wufei nodded his confirmation. ?Yes. You both should go. Trust me, it?s for the best. You have to understand each other?s feelings in this matter.?

Heero stood still for a second, then he, too, nodded. ?I guess you?re right. But first?? His shoulders sagged, and he inhaled another ragged breath. ?I can?t leave her in the dark anymore. Before we leave, Catherine has to know.?

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