Where I Can Say Chapter 5: In My Dreams We're Happy
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 2:27 pm
Where I Can Say
By: Lazi n Lonely Rei
Author?s Notes: Sorry I haven?t updated in a while. But this is told from Heero?s POV.
**
Heero?s POV
I was awoken with a loud bang. I was tossed to the floor and landed hard, the bitter coldness rushed to me without the warmth of the blankets I had been previously wrapped in. Than before I could even peel my eyes open, I was punched hard in the jaw. I opened my eyes angrily to see Duo glaring down at me and gritting his teeth. I also noticed I was naked.
I looked around, shocked to see Sylvia. Why was she here? She was also naked. ?Shut the hell up, I don?t want to hear your excuses. But you better get dressed quick and outside the hall in two seconds?? He didn?t leave a threat but the tone of his voice made me wonder what was going on. I dressed quickly into a new set of clothes.
When I stepped outside of my bedroom door confused, shivers wracked into my body. I breathed and fog came out. And the air I drank in was horrible. My eyes directed to someone?
My wife.
Relena was lying there on the ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood and snow. Her skin was pale with dried blood everywhere. Her clothes took a dark red color and the entire house smelled of her blood and something else?something poisonous. It was freezing cold and I noticed that one of the grand windows were knocked open and at night it had snowed. Relena was dusted with glitter of broken glass and the large pieces lodged itself into her lungs, legs, arm, and stomach.
My eyes burned and I took a step towards her until the paramedics pushed me out of the way as they tried to figure out how to get her onto the stretcher. ?Oh my god, she?s still awake!?
I could feel my heart breaking, I felt a hard stab inside to know that she was awake, feeling the pain, struggling to keep herself from dying and had stayed awake feeling the pain for many hours without anyone finding her till now on the verge of falling into death. Her lips were a pale blue and her eyelids matched them. She looked dead even though once in a while her eyes moved and blinked.
She was rushed to the hospital and immediately hooked onto a monitor. However the moment that happened, her heart stopped beating. It felt like a million men had punched me all over my body, I felt numb and so sad. My mind and my heart broke and I screamed her name.
I was lead to the hospital in a car with my father, Sylvia whom I haven?t figured out why she was in my bed with me?I could figure that out but there were pieces missing, Duo and Hilde.
It was quiet but I could feel the tension through my limp body. I could feel glares directed at me and her, the women I probably slept with and betrayed Relena with. And I could feel the anger from my father, Duo, and Hilde directed at me and also disappointment.
The doctors said that if Relena hadn?t been wearing her winter clothing from wherever she had gone before, she would?ve had frostbite and had certainly died around midnight. There had been a gas thrown and that was why the window was broken. But they were very surprised that she had been awake throughout the whole time.
The doctors also said they might not be able to repair the damage from the pieces of large glass lodged into her organs.
I heard everyone crying, except for me who had kept a fist into the wall and my head down. I got more punches from Duo and a beating from Hilde as she sobbed. I wanted to cry too.
I looked up when a doctor came out, covered in Relena?s blood and pulling off rubber gloves stained a sickly red. He swallowed hard and said, ?Miss. Yuy is fine?we were able to repair all the damage, thankfully. However?the shock and her struggle while being awake through the whole time might cause her mind to be very fragile. As of now, her body had shut itself down into a coma. We?re not sure when she?s going to be awake?.and if she?s ever going to wake up again. We did the best we could and now it?s all up to her.?
She was in a coma?..
I ran that thought into my mind over and over again and in the distance I could hear more sobs. If I hadn?t been so caught up in my thoughts I would?ve known that Sylvia had left and Relena?s band members came. They were crying, demanding information about Relena?s condition.
Duo choked it out and I got hard hits. I could feel nothing but the heartbreak. I even heard the explanation. I had slept with Slyiva, and from the security monitors in the mansion, Relena had seen us. When she walked further down to the hall at least ten feet away from the bedroom door that?s when it happened. She had been flung back with a great force from the window breaking and her body arched, almost as if it was pleasure, when the large pieces of glass stabbed into her. Her mouth opened but there didn?t seem to be a scream. Her hand moved and she had tired to stand up and get help but she fell quickly. The gas that had been thrown into the hall contained a sleeping gas, and with the wounds she had received, if she had slept, she would?ve died. She had fought off the drug and the pain to stay alive.
She was so strong?.
And throughout the entire time while I was watching this video at the station, she looked like a fallen angel. An angel that had fallen into hell. There were no cameras at that place outside to see who had thrown the gas.
It seemed like it had been planned.
And while I was watching the video, I somehow felt that Relena had saw who the person was.
A week later I drowned myself in my work but I never went back to the mansion, the image of Relena?s figure when I first saw her that day paralyzed me. I drowned myself at work during the day and when I was let off during the evening I went to the hospital.
Eventually weeks turned to months and soon it was three months. I ate but the food lost it?s taste. Duo, Hilde, and my father moved into the original estate and they visited during the day, sobbing and bent across Relena?s sleeping body. They were still upset with me and angry. Relena?s band members were there the most though, they were there all the time. But whenever I was there, they left immediately and came back when they thought I was gone.
Her hospital room was littered with flowers, some from her fans and her band members, some of them were from me and the others were Hilde and them.
But slowly all those flowers died and Relena still showed no sign of waking up. It had been a month, a long dreadful month.
I was working tiredly feeling so old and broken when my cell phone rang. My cell phone didn?t ring unless it was private, it was a private number I gave only to a certain number of people.
It was the hospital.
?Mr. Yuy, you?re wife has woken up.? We talked for at least a minute, describing her condition on how she woke up and so on.
I dropped everything immediately and rushed to her side.
She was there, with her sea blue eyes bright against her sheet white skin. Her lips were dry and tinted with blue, just a little but she was still beautiful. Her hair had lost its beautiful shine and her eyes wondered endlessly around.
Nothing about her looks changed from when she was sleeping at that bed except the fact that her eyes were open.
?Relena?? I spoke her name as if it would bring the color back into her cheeks, I spoke the name as if the feelings that raged in her eyes would come back, I spoke her name as if it would stop her heart from freezing up and being swallowed in pain.
She looked at me quickly and even though I got lost in her eyes I could see the emptiness in the depth. I sat down next to her never once breaking eye contact with her. I slowly reached for her hand and ran my thumb against her cold but smooth skin. My lips turned upward into a small weak smile. ?Hey.?
?Hey.? Her voice was a little broken up considering the fact that she had spoken for two months. I felt like crying, I felt like I had failed to protect her, failed to be the husband.
Even though the marriage wasn?t perfect, I could?ve still been the perfect husband. The caring husband, the LOYAL husband. I could?ve been that still even though I had been recorded and written down as a playboy, I could?ve showed some care to her even though I was never home.
I could?ve understood her and how different she was from all the other girls I knew if I hadn?t jumped to conclusions about her wanting me only for my money. So far, she had proved me wrong each time with her personality, with just being who she was best at being, herself.
Relena suddenly went into a coughing fit that small thin tears ran down her eyes and the pain she seemed to show made me very tense. When she stopped she looked away at the window. Previously a bunch of vases full of vibrant flowers were on the table and everywhere but now that they had died, they left the room with nothing but a void of white.
I had once thought that white was a pure color, and that?s what most people believe. But when you visit someone who looked like they were on the edge of death in the hospital, the color of black and white seems to switch.
I ran my thumb in long strokes against her hand. We made a small conversation but she acted like I was a stranger, someone she had to keep her guard around. Which was true because after all the things she had seen?she has a right to. And the marriage between us, well we are strangers to each other. Though she knows more about me than I do her because of the constant news about me in the newspapers and magazines.
?Relena?I?m so sorry?. But I can explain. I was drugged, I swear. I had a business meeting and I ended up having it with her. I don?t know what happened but one thing lead to another, but Relena I swear to god I didn?t know what I was doing?and I?I hope?..?
?Please just stop.? By now tears streamed through her eyes. ?Just stop!? Her voice was bitter and loud. ?I don?t want to hear anymore excuses!? She ripped her hand away from mines and I just stared at her in shock. ?All my life, people have given me excuses. For all the things they?ve done to me. MY FATHER had set me up in an arranged marriage because he said he loved me. When it was really just a DEAL he had that was unfinished.?
?You don?t love me, I know that. I hadn?t expected anything from you. So please just stop making up an excuse! If you want to be with Sylvia, just go with her than! But don?t make up an excuse in my face about it! All I wanted?.all I wanted was to prove people wrong! Live up to my dream, the dream you RIPPED away from me! I had it, I had my dream in my hand. I had my fans, I had my band, I had concerts, but right when I was about to grasp my true dream, I HAD TO GET MARRIED TO YOU! Someone I don?t even know! Someone I don?t love! And yet I was FINE with it because it was what would?ve made my father happy if he had been alive.?
?I expected nothing from you, so please just stop visiting me! Stop caring about me just because your father expects that from you! Just leave me alone! Pretend I never walked into your life!?
After her speech, she turned away from me and her body shook with sobs. Shocked, I left just as she had screamed at me to do.
I went back home, the home I had been living in for two months. I lived in an apartment downtown, far away from my family. My family didn?t want anything to do with me and as I closed the door, the apartment felt so empty. I felt so lonely?.over these months, being with Relena had someone?brought happiness, she brought comfort.
I expected her to be home everyday, yell at me as I made fun of her. But when she was in that bed?.the feelings were gone. I wished they came back.
?Relena?? I whispered. I closed my eyes tightly, doing the same thing I?ve been doing when I first saw Relena on the ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood. Hoping that it was all just a dream. Somewhere in a parallel universe, I?m still single. But somehow, I would end up meeting Relena and we would both fall in love and get married.
?I think I love you??
By: Lazi n Lonely Rei
Author?s Notes: Sorry I haven?t updated in a while. But this is told from Heero?s POV.
**
Heero?s POV
I was awoken with a loud bang. I was tossed to the floor and landed hard, the bitter coldness rushed to me without the warmth of the blankets I had been previously wrapped in. Than before I could even peel my eyes open, I was punched hard in the jaw. I opened my eyes angrily to see Duo glaring down at me and gritting his teeth. I also noticed I was naked.
I looked around, shocked to see Sylvia. Why was she here? She was also naked. ?Shut the hell up, I don?t want to hear your excuses. But you better get dressed quick and outside the hall in two seconds?? He didn?t leave a threat but the tone of his voice made me wonder what was going on. I dressed quickly into a new set of clothes.
When I stepped outside of my bedroom door confused, shivers wracked into my body. I breathed and fog came out. And the air I drank in was horrible. My eyes directed to someone?
My wife.
Relena was lying there on the ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood and snow. Her skin was pale with dried blood everywhere. Her clothes took a dark red color and the entire house smelled of her blood and something else?something poisonous. It was freezing cold and I noticed that one of the grand windows were knocked open and at night it had snowed. Relena was dusted with glitter of broken glass and the large pieces lodged itself into her lungs, legs, arm, and stomach.
My eyes burned and I took a step towards her until the paramedics pushed me out of the way as they tried to figure out how to get her onto the stretcher. ?Oh my god, she?s still awake!?
I could feel my heart breaking, I felt a hard stab inside to know that she was awake, feeling the pain, struggling to keep herself from dying and had stayed awake feeling the pain for many hours without anyone finding her till now on the verge of falling into death. Her lips were a pale blue and her eyelids matched them. She looked dead even though once in a while her eyes moved and blinked.
She was rushed to the hospital and immediately hooked onto a monitor. However the moment that happened, her heart stopped beating. It felt like a million men had punched me all over my body, I felt numb and so sad. My mind and my heart broke and I screamed her name.
I was lead to the hospital in a car with my father, Sylvia whom I haven?t figured out why she was in my bed with me?I could figure that out but there were pieces missing, Duo and Hilde.
It was quiet but I could feel the tension through my limp body. I could feel glares directed at me and her, the women I probably slept with and betrayed Relena with. And I could feel the anger from my father, Duo, and Hilde directed at me and also disappointment.
The doctors said that if Relena hadn?t been wearing her winter clothing from wherever she had gone before, she would?ve had frostbite and had certainly died around midnight. There had been a gas thrown and that was why the window was broken. But they were very surprised that she had been awake throughout the whole time.
The doctors also said they might not be able to repair the damage from the pieces of large glass lodged into her organs.
I heard everyone crying, except for me who had kept a fist into the wall and my head down. I got more punches from Duo and a beating from Hilde as she sobbed. I wanted to cry too.
I looked up when a doctor came out, covered in Relena?s blood and pulling off rubber gloves stained a sickly red. He swallowed hard and said, ?Miss. Yuy is fine?we were able to repair all the damage, thankfully. However?the shock and her struggle while being awake through the whole time might cause her mind to be very fragile. As of now, her body had shut itself down into a coma. We?re not sure when she?s going to be awake?.and if she?s ever going to wake up again. We did the best we could and now it?s all up to her.?
She was in a coma?..
I ran that thought into my mind over and over again and in the distance I could hear more sobs. If I hadn?t been so caught up in my thoughts I would?ve known that Sylvia had left and Relena?s band members came. They were crying, demanding information about Relena?s condition.
Duo choked it out and I got hard hits. I could feel nothing but the heartbreak. I even heard the explanation. I had slept with Slyiva, and from the security monitors in the mansion, Relena had seen us. When she walked further down to the hall at least ten feet away from the bedroom door that?s when it happened. She had been flung back with a great force from the window breaking and her body arched, almost as if it was pleasure, when the large pieces of glass stabbed into her. Her mouth opened but there didn?t seem to be a scream. Her hand moved and she had tired to stand up and get help but she fell quickly. The gas that had been thrown into the hall contained a sleeping gas, and with the wounds she had received, if she had slept, she would?ve died. She had fought off the drug and the pain to stay alive.
She was so strong?.
And throughout the entire time while I was watching this video at the station, she looked like a fallen angel. An angel that had fallen into hell. There were no cameras at that place outside to see who had thrown the gas.
It seemed like it had been planned.
And while I was watching the video, I somehow felt that Relena had saw who the person was.
A week later I drowned myself in my work but I never went back to the mansion, the image of Relena?s figure when I first saw her that day paralyzed me. I drowned myself at work during the day and when I was let off during the evening I went to the hospital.
Eventually weeks turned to months and soon it was three months. I ate but the food lost it?s taste. Duo, Hilde, and my father moved into the original estate and they visited during the day, sobbing and bent across Relena?s sleeping body. They were still upset with me and angry. Relena?s band members were there the most though, they were there all the time. But whenever I was there, they left immediately and came back when they thought I was gone.
Her hospital room was littered with flowers, some from her fans and her band members, some of them were from me and the others were Hilde and them.
But slowly all those flowers died and Relena still showed no sign of waking up. It had been a month, a long dreadful month.
I was working tiredly feeling so old and broken when my cell phone rang. My cell phone didn?t ring unless it was private, it was a private number I gave only to a certain number of people.
It was the hospital.
?Mr. Yuy, you?re wife has woken up.? We talked for at least a minute, describing her condition on how she woke up and so on.
I dropped everything immediately and rushed to her side.
She was there, with her sea blue eyes bright against her sheet white skin. Her lips were dry and tinted with blue, just a little but she was still beautiful. Her hair had lost its beautiful shine and her eyes wondered endlessly around.
Nothing about her looks changed from when she was sleeping at that bed except the fact that her eyes were open.
?Relena?? I spoke her name as if it would bring the color back into her cheeks, I spoke the name as if the feelings that raged in her eyes would come back, I spoke her name as if it would stop her heart from freezing up and being swallowed in pain.
She looked at me quickly and even though I got lost in her eyes I could see the emptiness in the depth. I sat down next to her never once breaking eye contact with her. I slowly reached for her hand and ran my thumb against her cold but smooth skin. My lips turned upward into a small weak smile. ?Hey.?
?Hey.? Her voice was a little broken up considering the fact that she had spoken for two months. I felt like crying, I felt like I had failed to protect her, failed to be the husband.
Even though the marriage wasn?t perfect, I could?ve still been the perfect husband. The caring husband, the LOYAL husband. I could?ve been that still even though I had been recorded and written down as a playboy, I could?ve showed some care to her even though I was never home.
I could?ve understood her and how different she was from all the other girls I knew if I hadn?t jumped to conclusions about her wanting me only for my money. So far, she had proved me wrong each time with her personality, with just being who she was best at being, herself.
Relena suddenly went into a coughing fit that small thin tears ran down her eyes and the pain she seemed to show made me very tense. When she stopped she looked away at the window. Previously a bunch of vases full of vibrant flowers were on the table and everywhere but now that they had died, they left the room with nothing but a void of white.
I had once thought that white was a pure color, and that?s what most people believe. But when you visit someone who looked like they were on the edge of death in the hospital, the color of black and white seems to switch.
I ran my thumb in long strokes against her hand. We made a small conversation but she acted like I was a stranger, someone she had to keep her guard around. Which was true because after all the things she had seen?she has a right to. And the marriage between us, well we are strangers to each other. Though she knows more about me than I do her because of the constant news about me in the newspapers and magazines.
?Relena?I?m so sorry?. But I can explain. I was drugged, I swear. I had a business meeting and I ended up having it with her. I don?t know what happened but one thing lead to another, but Relena I swear to god I didn?t know what I was doing?and I?I hope?..?
?Please just stop.? By now tears streamed through her eyes. ?Just stop!? Her voice was bitter and loud. ?I don?t want to hear anymore excuses!? She ripped her hand away from mines and I just stared at her in shock. ?All my life, people have given me excuses. For all the things they?ve done to me. MY FATHER had set me up in an arranged marriage because he said he loved me. When it was really just a DEAL he had that was unfinished.?
?You don?t love me, I know that. I hadn?t expected anything from you. So please just stop making up an excuse! If you want to be with Sylvia, just go with her than! But don?t make up an excuse in my face about it! All I wanted?.all I wanted was to prove people wrong! Live up to my dream, the dream you RIPPED away from me! I had it, I had my dream in my hand. I had my fans, I had my band, I had concerts, but right when I was about to grasp my true dream, I HAD TO GET MARRIED TO YOU! Someone I don?t even know! Someone I don?t love! And yet I was FINE with it because it was what would?ve made my father happy if he had been alive.?
?I expected nothing from you, so please just stop visiting me! Stop caring about me just because your father expects that from you! Just leave me alone! Pretend I never walked into your life!?
After her speech, she turned away from me and her body shook with sobs. Shocked, I left just as she had screamed at me to do.
I went back home, the home I had been living in for two months. I lived in an apartment downtown, far away from my family. My family didn?t want anything to do with me and as I closed the door, the apartment felt so empty. I felt so lonely?.over these months, being with Relena had someone?brought happiness, she brought comfort.
I expected her to be home everyday, yell at me as I made fun of her. But when she was in that bed?.the feelings were gone. I wished they came back.
?Relena?? I whispered. I closed my eyes tightly, doing the same thing I?ve been doing when I first saw Relena on the ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood. Hoping that it was all just a dream. Somewhere in a parallel universe, I?m still single. But somehow, I would end up meeting Relena and we would both fall in love and get married.
?I think I love you??