Reminiscent 5
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 7:31 pm
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Reminiscent
Part 1
Chapter 5
I hate the fact that I?ve grown soft, after all those years I convinced myself that I was alone, independent?
Maybe it?s because that?s the belief of the stubborn and childish. I can?t help but feel like I need a companion now. I can?t change the way I feel anymore or maybe I?m just rushing things. Changing takes years; it doesn?t happen overnight.
So when was it that I lost the ability to hide happiness, anger, and pain? I mean, I still can, but it would take a professional to crack me before. Now? I can?t even hide the fact that I was hurt when Heero brushed me off. It was possible I deserved it, but it still hurt. Understanding has nothing to do with how you feel, not in the short run, anyways.
Catherine knew; she was quiet on the walk home. It was nice out, so she had let Trowa, who had just gotten his license, drive home with the car. I didn?t have any extra classes today, so I walked with her.
And now she?s worried about me.
?Something wrong Catherine?? That wouldn?t stop me from feigning innocence.
?Oh shut up Relena,? she said with a kind smile, ?you know very well why I?m worried.?
?What do you mean?? If there was one thing the world hadn?t taken from me, it was my own stubbornness. ?I didn?t hear anything about anyone today? is your ex being a bother??
She rolled her eyes and made to push me in the icy snow. I carefully stepped sideways so she would slip on the ice and fall into the snow bank. ?Brat.? She spat at me, playfully. I smiled and helped her up, managing to find some good grip on the icy walkways.
?Maybe if you didn?t wear those ridiculous boots you wouldn?t be having so much trouble.? I teased. Her boots had quite the heel on them, making them impractical for the ice. ?It?s one thing to be crazy enough to make boots that aren?t very useful during the winter, but it?s another thing to actually buy them.?
She laughed and pulled at my hand, making me fall into the snow beside her. It was freezing cold and going down my neck? ?But they?re pretty!?
Catherine?s rather vain when it comes to her looks, but really, she?s a great person. She?s sweet, and just looking for something good in her life? although growing up in modern society? she?s too normal for my tastes. At least she isn?t screaming whenever they play a corny song during gym, like Hilde and Sylvia?
?Now, don?t think you?ve gotten away from our earlier conversation.? She smiled and pushed my arm lightly as I got up. I smiled and resisted. Maybe I was smaller than her, and a couple months younger, but I?ll be damned if I?m weaker.
?About what?s bothering you?? I was still feigning innocence, hoping she would forget about it and leave the matter alone. Unfortunately, my friends know me too well.
?Yeah, right. More like what?s bothering you.? She responded curtly. ?It?s pretty obvious you and Heero are in a fight; you don?t talk or go out of your way to say hello anymore. In fact, he doesn?t say hi.?
A pang went through my chest; she just had to bring that up.
?So, what about it? It?s not like we were that close. I go out of my way to meet all you guys.?
?Maybe so?? she paused, thinking about how to word her next words. I know exactly what my relationship to Heero appears to be to the casual eye, and what it is to my friends. Even so, I like to be stubborn.
?But??
?But??
?But, the way you two talk is different somehow?? I could see her thinking hard about this, analyzing everything she could remember between us, ?like when we meet up for lunch. You stay a bit farther away cause you don?t really know some of the people there, and Heero, he stands beside you, but away from us.?
?How does that make a difference?? You might wonder what the point of this is? well, to be honest, I like to see what others think, and I?m certainly not going to outright ask.
?Well, usually, if he stood towards us, it would seem like the two of you are part of the group, but the way he does it, it makes it look like he tries to isolate you both from everyone else??
?It?s all in your head.? I denied her, again. But, being Catherine, she insisted.
?Well, that?s just one example. You always know things about him we don?t, like a couple years ago when you told us he was tired of giving away things, and he seems to know things about you too.?
?Yes, but I pick up on things like that a little faster than you guys. Remember when Boris didn?t like Hilde? No one noticed for about two weeks after I realized it??
?That still doesn?t explain him.? I froze. What could I say that didn?t put Heero in a compromising position? I didn?t really want to imply he might like me?
But then again, why would I want to help that bastard? He?s been ignoring me these last two weeks.
?Then maybe it?s a one-sided thing.? I couldn?t believe I said that. I mean, I would, but never seriously like that. Was I really that mad at him? No, it was just an outbreak of emotion, but it was too late to take it back now. She might realize he?s affecting the way I think?
?Well, he feels pretty damn strong about you if that?s the case. Poor guy?s going to have a hard time getting you.? She joked. I paused, frowning. Catherine looked at me questionably.
?I think I would have noticed.?
Catherine laughed. ?No, Relena, you really wouldn?t have.?
I only wish.
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Mother was away that day, at the hospital. She was on duty, and Dad was cooking. Oh joy. I would offer to, but I?m horrible at cooking. I have to read the instructions every time I make instant noodles. Even though I?m pretty talented at preparing if there?s someone who can tell me what to do. I learned how to cut pretty quickly?
I greeted my dad and walked into my room to work on my homework. Setting up my books, my eyes caught sight of something small and brown. It was in between my desk and the wall, a bit poking out the bottom where my desk didn?t reach the ground.
I pulled out my chair and leaned down. Tugging at it a little bit, I realized it was the arm of a stuffed animal? so I tugged and pulled at it, bonking my head on my desk along the way. Zechs came in once, asking me what I was doing when I glared at him and he left in a hurry.
It finally fell out, and I realized it was a teddy bear I used to own as a little kid. In fact, it was the teddy bear which I could never remember it?s origin. I?ve had it as long as I can remember, but it must?ve fallen back there a couple of years ago. Why hadn?t I ever noticed? I was so attached to this little thing, and despite it?s slightly dirty appearance and the hole in it?s left leg (from my former pet, the gerbil, who chewed through it when it fell into the cage) it was in practically the same shape as it was when I was six.
?So, what?d you find?? Zechs leaned against the doorway, making me jump.
?I told you I was busy!? I snapped at him. He rolled his eyes in his usually cocky manner, the way that made me want to choke the boy.
?Since the head banging and grunting stopped, I figured you?d found whatever it was you were looking for. That or you gave up.? I sighed and showed him the bear. He called me pathetic for trying so hard to get that out and so I kicked him out of my room.
I turned back to the bear. This thing had seen and soaked up every tear I?d cried since I realized its worth, every silent scream, every giggle of glee I was too ?macho? to express in front of others.
I brought back those old memories and smiled. I can?t believe I didn?t notice it go missing?
So I placed it on the little shelf beside my bed, and not remembering what I had named the little guy before, I called him Reminiscent; for the moment of dazed memories I received after finding him again.
My first teddy bear. He was pretty plain, which makes the fact I never lost him all the more amazing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After finding Reminiscent, I did my homework, which took me straight to dinner. After that, I began to look over all the things I had kept in that little shelf from my past; all the stories I?ve read, the drawings from Kindergarten, and one of my journals as a kid.
I flipped through the book, smiling at my much more messy writing and odd descriptions. It improved through the years, and soon enough I was immersed in memories.
January 20th,
I met a friend on the bus today. Her name is Rika. She?s two years younger than me, although she?s nice. She talks a lot, but at least I understand what she?s saying. She introduced me to her brother too, although we only looked at him for a little while. I think he?s my age. I was surprised. I thought she was talking about a little brother, like Zechs. I?m so used to the idea, since Milliardo locks himself in his room most of the time, and I don?t get to talk to him.
I paused. Rika? Heero?s little sister? This was when I met her, wasn?t it? How the years swept away the memories? I didn?t realize I had forgotten so much. I skimmed through the next few pages and settled on another entry;
March 3rd,
Rika was sitting with her other friends today, and Zechs was sick, so I couldn?t find any seats. I saw Heero?s seat, but I didn?t really want to sit beside him. He saw me though, and offered, so I had to sit down. We talked the whole time, but I was careful not to get too close. Meiran had told me that he looked like he might like me, like like-like me, so I stayed away. I?m going to start walking next year, thank goodness. Hopefully I don?t ever have to do things like this again. I was so embarrassed, I hope I don?t have to talk to Heero Yuy for a while. He scares me.
Wow? how things changed. The years have been rather difficult to us all? some one must be getting a kick out of the turn of events.
And then I realized I was blushing; seven years ago I was afraid Heero might like me. Now? now how must he think of me? I wonder if he knows? he must know? I?m obvious, aren?t I?
It plagued my mind all night. I had insomnia until about seven in the morning, when I would get about an hour?s sleep anyways?
But after I woke up, I still had to wonder. Does Heero remember, does he know? If he does, he?ll probably be having a grand time with this. Joking about it, making fun of it?
Laughing about how, ten years ago, I was afraid of the very thing I feel right now.
How ten years ago, I was afraid he loved me.
How ten years ago, I had no idea I was going to love him.
Oh god I?m hopeless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Hey!! It's been a while, ne? Sorry, sorry, but I took a while to write the newest chapters in the first place... and this chapter was lost in the mail ^^; But thanks again Lady Casper for editing for me! ^_^ And sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out to the viewing public ^^; I hope everyone's enjoying this story so far though ^_^
First Chapter
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
Reminiscent
Part 1
Chapter 5
I hate the fact that I?ve grown soft, after all those years I convinced myself that I was alone, independent?
Maybe it?s because that?s the belief of the stubborn and childish. I can?t help but feel like I need a companion now. I can?t change the way I feel anymore or maybe I?m just rushing things. Changing takes years; it doesn?t happen overnight.
So when was it that I lost the ability to hide happiness, anger, and pain? I mean, I still can, but it would take a professional to crack me before. Now? I can?t even hide the fact that I was hurt when Heero brushed me off. It was possible I deserved it, but it still hurt. Understanding has nothing to do with how you feel, not in the short run, anyways.
Catherine knew; she was quiet on the walk home. It was nice out, so she had let Trowa, who had just gotten his license, drive home with the car. I didn?t have any extra classes today, so I walked with her.
And now she?s worried about me.
?Something wrong Catherine?? That wouldn?t stop me from feigning innocence.
?Oh shut up Relena,? she said with a kind smile, ?you know very well why I?m worried.?
?What do you mean?? If there was one thing the world hadn?t taken from me, it was my own stubbornness. ?I didn?t hear anything about anyone today? is your ex being a bother??
She rolled her eyes and made to push me in the icy snow. I carefully stepped sideways so she would slip on the ice and fall into the snow bank. ?Brat.? She spat at me, playfully. I smiled and helped her up, managing to find some good grip on the icy walkways.
?Maybe if you didn?t wear those ridiculous boots you wouldn?t be having so much trouble.? I teased. Her boots had quite the heel on them, making them impractical for the ice. ?It?s one thing to be crazy enough to make boots that aren?t very useful during the winter, but it?s another thing to actually buy them.?
She laughed and pulled at my hand, making me fall into the snow beside her. It was freezing cold and going down my neck? ?But they?re pretty!?
Catherine?s rather vain when it comes to her looks, but really, she?s a great person. She?s sweet, and just looking for something good in her life? although growing up in modern society? she?s too normal for my tastes. At least she isn?t screaming whenever they play a corny song during gym, like Hilde and Sylvia?
?Now, don?t think you?ve gotten away from our earlier conversation.? She smiled and pushed my arm lightly as I got up. I smiled and resisted. Maybe I was smaller than her, and a couple months younger, but I?ll be damned if I?m weaker.
?About what?s bothering you?? I was still feigning innocence, hoping she would forget about it and leave the matter alone. Unfortunately, my friends know me too well.
?Yeah, right. More like what?s bothering you.? She responded curtly. ?It?s pretty obvious you and Heero are in a fight; you don?t talk or go out of your way to say hello anymore. In fact, he doesn?t say hi.?
A pang went through my chest; she just had to bring that up.
?So, what about it? It?s not like we were that close. I go out of my way to meet all you guys.?
?Maybe so?? she paused, thinking about how to word her next words. I know exactly what my relationship to Heero appears to be to the casual eye, and what it is to my friends. Even so, I like to be stubborn.
?But??
?But??
?But, the way you two talk is different somehow?? I could see her thinking hard about this, analyzing everything she could remember between us, ?like when we meet up for lunch. You stay a bit farther away cause you don?t really know some of the people there, and Heero, he stands beside you, but away from us.?
?How does that make a difference?? You might wonder what the point of this is? well, to be honest, I like to see what others think, and I?m certainly not going to outright ask.
?Well, usually, if he stood towards us, it would seem like the two of you are part of the group, but the way he does it, it makes it look like he tries to isolate you both from everyone else??
?It?s all in your head.? I denied her, again. But, being Catherine, she insisted.
?Well, that?s just one example. You always know things about him we don?t, like a couple years ago when you told us he was tired of giving away things, and he seems to know things about you too.?
?Yes, but I pick up on things like that a little faster than you guys. Remember when Boris didn?t like Hilde? No one noticed for about two weeks after I realized it??
?That still doesn?t explain him.? I froze. What could I say that didn?t put Heero in a compromising position? I didn?t really want to imply he might like me?
But then again, why would I want to help that bastard? He?s been ignoring me these last two weeks.
?Then maybe it?s a one-sided thing.? I couldn?t believe I said that. I mean, I would, but never seriously like that. Was I really that mad at him? No, it was just an outbreak of emotion, but it was too late to take it back now. She might realize he?s affecting the way I think?
?Well, he feels pretty damn strong about you if that?s the case. Poor guy?s going to have a hard time getting you.? She joked. I paused, frowning. Catherine looked at me questionably.
?I think I would have noticed.?
Catherine laughed. ?No, Relena, you really wouldn?t have.?
I only wish.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother was away that day, at the hospital. She was on duty, and Dad was cooking. Oh joy. I would offer to, but I?m horrible at cooking. I have to read the instructions every time I make instant noodles. Even though I?m pretty talented at preparing if there?s someone who can tell me what to do. I learned how to cut pretty quickly?
I greeted my dad and walked into my room to work on my homework. Setting up my books, my eyes caught sight of something small and brown. It was in between my desk and the wall, a bit poking out the bottom where my desk didn?t reach the ground.
I pulled out my chair and leaned down. Tugging at it a little bit, I realized it was the arm of a stuffed animal? so I tugged and pulled at it, bonking my head on my desk along the way. Zechs came in once, asking me what I was doing when I glared at him and he left in a hurry.
It finally fell out, and I realized it was a teddy bear I used to own as a little kid. In fact, it was the teddy bear which I could never remember it?s origin. I?ve had it as long as I can remember, but it must?ve fallen back there a couple of years ago. Why hadn?t I ever noticed? I was so attached to this little thing, and despite it?s slightly dirty appearance and the hole in it?s left leg (from my former pet, the gerbil, who chewed through it when it fell into the cage) it was in practically the same shape as it was when I was six.
?So, what?d you find?? Zechs leaned against the doorway, making me jump.
?I told you I was busy!? I snapped at him. He rolled his eyes in his usually cocky manner, the way that made me want to choke the boy.
?Since the head banging and grunting stopped, I figured you?d found whatever it was you were looking for. That or you gave up.? I sighed and showed him the bear. He called me pathetic for trying so hard to get that out and so I kicked him out of my room.
I turned back to the bear. This thing had seen and soaked up every tear I?d cried since I realized its worth, every silent scream, every giggle of glee I was too ?macho? to express in front of others.
I brought back those old memories and smiled. I can?t believe I didn?t notice it go missing?
So I placed it on the little shelf beside my bed, and not remembering what I had named the little guy before, I called him Reminiscent; for the moment of dazed memories I received after finding him again.
My first teddy bear. He was pretty plain, which makes the fact I never lost him all the more amazing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After finding Reminiscent, I did my homework, which took me straight to dinner. After that, I began to look over all the things I had kept in that little shelf from my past; all the stories I?ve read, the drawings from Kindergarten, and one of my journals as a kid.
I flipped through the book, smiling at my much more messy writing and odd descriptions. It improved through the years, and soon enough I was immersed in memories.
January 20th,
I met a friend on the bus today. Her name is Rika. She?s two years younger than me, although she?s nice. She talks a lot, but at least I understand what she?s saying. She introduced me to her brother too, although we only looked at him for a little while. I think he?s my age. I was surprised. I thought she was talking about a little brother, like Zechs. I?m so used to the idea, since Milliardo locks himself in his room most of the time, and I don?t get to talk to him.
I paused. Rika? Heero?s little sister? This was when I met her, wasn?t it? How the years swept away the memories? I didn?t realize I had forgotten so much. I skimmed through the next few pages and settled on another entry;
March 3rd,
Rika was sitting with her other friends today, and Zechs was sick, so I couldn?t find any seats. I saw Heero?s seat, but I didn?t really want to sit beside him. He saw me though, and offered, so I had to sit down. We talked the whole time, but I was careful not to get too close. Meiran had told me that he looked like he might like me, like like-like me, so I stayed away. I?m going to start walking next year, thank goodness. Hopefully I don?t ever have to do things like this again. I was so embarrassed, I hope I don?t have to talk to Heero Yuy for a while. He scares me.
Wow? how things changed. The years have been rather difficult to us all? some one must be getting a kick out of the turn of events.
And then I realized I was blushing; seven years ago I was afraid Heero might like me. Now? now how must he think of me? I wonder if he knows? he must know? I?m obvious, aren?t I?
It plagued my mind all night. I had insomnia until about seven in the morning, when I would get about an hour?s sleep anyways?
But after I woke up, I still had to wonder. Does Heero remember, does he know? If he does, he?ll probably be having a grand time with this. Joking about it, making fun of it?
Laughing about how, ten years ago, I was afraid of the very thing I feel right now.
How ten years ago, I was afraid he loved me.
How ten years ago, I had no idea I was going to love him.
Oh god I?m hopeless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Hey!! It's been a while, ne? Sorry, sorry, but I took a while to write the newest chapters in the first place... and this chapter was lost in the mail ^^; But thanks again Lady Casper for editing for me! ^_^ And sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out to the viewing public ^^; I hope everyone's enjoying this story so far though ^_^
First Chapter
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter