past destruction, future rebirth chp 6 part 1
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:46 pm
Past Destruction, Future Rebirth
By Valkyrie Skye
Act 1: El soldado eternal: Heero Yuy story
Chapter 6: Growing Pains, part 1
May 14, AC 189
ESC1019 colony cluster of L1
8:35 PM
Pilot 01 walked out from sick-bay and into the cold gray hallways of the hangar. There was no destination in mind for him, just a need to walk away. He knew they were behind him, somehow, in a way, ready to jump him, to do it again. It was his third time in the sick bay. Empty blue eyes ahead, he walked like he was the dead. The first time was in the middle of the main hanger?s floor, fists falling on him like hard rain. He dreamt of this in the hospital bed as he healed his broken bones the first time. When he healed, they fed him the most delicious food, bathed him, and clothed him. He felt like the light was just ahead of him. That entire day went along fine, until he went to bed.
They showed him his room, a cold sterile area with a small bed across from him. He looked to the man who showed him the room, a tall fellow in a gray shirt and dirty blue jeans. He was one of the men who had participated in his beating. The man just looked down and his small, thin lips turned upward in a smirk. ?Night? he said before turning out and shutting the door behind him leaving Pilot 01 in the darkness. He turned ahead of him slowly, hands outward until he bumped into the solid hardness that is the bed. He turned back the stiff white sheets and crawled in, looking up at the darkness until his eyes fell asleep?
Footsteps?
Many? all coming in.
In his sleep, he heard footsteps fall against the hard ground within his subconscious. It was then that he felt cold iron clamp down on his small ankles and within a measure of a heartbeat, he woke and felt himself being harshly pulled out of the bed and onto the floor. In the midst of his grogginess, he sees light pouring in from the open door. The light cast some shape to the figures in the room. He looked at the figures in a startled alarm until his gaze fell upon the man who brought him here.
He was still sporting the same smirk.
In the natural Japanese tongue, one of the men spoke ?Get up, shithead.?
?Wha? what?? his voice was so small in the intimidating presence of the men, ?what??
One of them chuckled ?Look, it?s the big pilot.? He said in a mocking voice, ?Our fucking savior.?
?Yeah. On the floor, like a little animal.?
?Hey, what the hell are you talking about? He is an animal, aren?t you, you little fucker?? questioned the other men.
Pilot 01 crawled on his hands and knees, trying hard to see through his sleep-gummed eyes. The man who brought him here, shoved him down to the floor by his shoulders with his foot and kept him pinned there ?Come on, shithead, Hiedo-san asked you a question. Are you an animal??
The pilot struggled underneath his boot. His small little body writhed and wiggled and then he heard his own voice let forth a guttural yelp. The man pressed harder on his shoulders. The pilot managed to open his eyes a little and could see his dark hair falling over his slanted eyes ?well, half breed? Answer the goddamn question.?
Pilot 01 didn?t know what to say. At this point, he figured that if you were wise enough, you would appease your attackers and manage to stay conscious and not face any more punishment. Under the pain and stress, his voice shrunk but was still audible ?y-yes??
?Yes, what?? when the pilot wasn?t responding, he pressing harder ?What? Say it. Say the whole goddamn thing.?
?I?m an animal.?
?Louder, asshole.?
?I?m an animal.? He said a little loudly
?No! louder! I want the fucking alliance back at Earth to hear you!?
?I?M AN ANIMAL!!!?
?Now, get the fuck up.? The man lifted off his foot from Pilot 01 shoulder allowing him to get up. He struggled to get up on weak knees and although he wasn?t aware, he was trembling.
The men snickered and the man known as Hiedo spoke up ?Look, he?s shaking.? Then his hand shot out and slapped the 8 year old in the head ?stop shaking, dickhead. Face your punishment like a man.?
And he did try, he really did, to stop the shaking but doing so only caused him to shake even more. He faced the man whom he met earlier and received a harsh punch in the face. The pilot fell to the floor and the nightmare was beginning again.
?Come on fuck face, cry! Cry for your mommy!? one said as he felt his fist on his chest. The darkness, combined with blinding fear and pain caused all the images, all the voices to become so indistinct from the pilot?s perspective, that he couldn?t tell which fist was which. Which slur was which.
?Smash it! Smash his goddamn half-breed face in!?
?Take it like a man!?
Soon enough, Pilot 01 didn?t felt the pain anymore. Didn?t hear the slurs. All he could feel now, is the sweet familiar oblivion that comforted him during his first healing from the first beating.
Oblivion, at this point, never seemed more appealing to the Pilot before as it did now.
The most recent beating occurred when he was walking out in the hallway a month and half ago. They just came out and cornered him and beated him once again. And now here he is walking, knowing they?re there. Knowing, somehow, they?ll just re-appear here, or in his room, or the bathroom, or somewhere anywhere, and do it again. There was a voice in his head that he was not aware of, speaking like a recording, only off beat. He focused his attention towards the voice, trying to hear its words.
?They?ll beat me, and I don?t care, they?ll beat me and kill me and I don?t care. I don?t care, I don?t care!, I DON?T CARE! I?M AN ANIMAL, AN ANIMAL, A GODDAMN ANIMAL!?
?Pilot 01.?
He turned quickly, his eyes, like wild blue orbs taking in everything all at once. It was Dr. J. He stood a couple of feet away from the young pilot, his mechanical arm holding the walking stick firmly upon the ground. The old man studied the pilot from his distance and after awhile, said, ?come here.?
Never hesitating, the pilot walked over to the old man and stood no more that two feet away from him. Pilot 01 eyed the Doctor with his dead blue eyes. Dr. J, for his part, reached to touch his face and looked closely into his eyes. ?I like how they?re looking so far. But I feel like there?s one more thing that has to go through.? Placing his hand to his side again, he asked, ?Do you understand why this punishment has to occur??
Pilot 01 shook his head ?No.?
Dr. J smirked ?No. I didn?t think so.?
Footsteps. His inside froze with fear. He turn to face a tall thin man, whom he remembered as Dr. J?s assistant armed with a needle and the next thing he knew, His eyes were being pulled down in sleep and then, Darkness.
*~*~*~*
There was a droll pain in his head when he finally woke. Tightness around his wrist and ankles made him tremble in an uncontrollable fear. Had he ever been this scared before? He can?t remember. Pilot 01 felt himself lying against a hard bed in a dimly lighted room. His wild blue eyes rolled rapidly all around trying to take in everything. Over by his side was a machine and by it was Dr. J?s assistant. The machine had wires coming out of it and was attached to parts of his head and parts of his body. And next to him, seated on a chair, watching the pilot was Dr. J himself armed with two guards on each side. Dr. J smirked when the Pilot?s eyes fell on him and then he stood up.
?Welcome back, boy. Good to have you with us. We can?t very well do this without you, now can we?? he stopped as if the pilot was going to answer. When he didn?t, he went on. ?Well then, first off, how are you feeling??
Pilot 01 didn?t answer.
Dr. J just stared, then turned to his assistant and nodded his head. Pilot 01?s body felt, instantly, the flow of burning pain throughout his body in sharp currents. He yelled out in a loud guttural cry until the currents died down. He had 20 CC?s of electricity flow right through him. He looked at Dr. J with wide eyes and as if answering his glance, Dr. J said, ?For every question not answered, you?ll get a shock of electricity flowed through you. Mind you, boy, that 20 is the lowest in this machine. It can go higher.? Dr. J walked closer to the Pilot and leaned in. Pilot 01 can smell the tea in his breath, ?I know myself that you are not stupid, far from it. So lets not pretend that you are dense and answer my goddamn questions, hm??
Pilot 01 nodded.
Dr. J smiled ?Now that?s acceptable. Shall we begin?? he walked back to his place with an air of a Teacher speaking to his student, he began ?Now, then. How are you feeling??
?I. I feel??
?You can be honest with me boy. If you feel like shit, you can say so.?
Pilot 01 searched for the words, ?I? I feel like? I feel fine.?
?Fine??
?I suppose. I suppose I feel? fine. Miserable. I feel like shit.? The words came forth like a dribble of water.
?Now that?s more like it. Don?t get me wrong, it?s not like I get off seeing you in pain, its just I detest liars. If there?s nothing that I hate more, it?s a liar. And you?re not a liar, are you??
?No.?
?Good.? He paced the length of the room considering what to ask next. Pilot 01 saw that the old man was getting frail and slow; his back was growing a hump causing his posture to become poorer. He turned to look at the pilot strapped to the bed like a wild beast and continued, ?Do you have any idea as to what you are doing here, with me, with my little project??
?To pilot Wing, to- AGHHH? He yelled out in close to a shriek.
?No.? Dr. J said, ?No, that was not it at all. Haven?t you been paying attention to anything I said back when we first met? It was more than the Gundam. I wanted a perfect solider. The machine, in truth does not matter cause the machine breaks.? And then in voice like reverence, he continued, ?It?s the person inside. It?s in here? and he jabbed a finger on his temple as if to prove his point ?that matters. When they piled on you, my boys, when they piled on you and beated the life out of you, did you know you went down in no more than 10 seconds??
Pilot 01 shook his head.
?Of course not. In a time like that, you aren?t really thinking about it aren?t you?? he smiled as he said that. ?But it?s important that I notice something like that. Imagine, if you will, that you were in Wing right now. Picture yourself in the middle of the battlefield surrounded by the enemy. You?re being shot left and right by mobile suits and sure, its Gundanium, but what if the Alliance has something similar or better? Believe me as I say this. Never, I repeat, never underestimate the Alliance.? He waited until Pilot 01 was about to speak. And sure enough, his lips moved to speak.
?Permission to speak?? Pilot 01 asked. Dr. J nodded, ?You use to work for them. Didn?t you??
Dr. J didn?t respond. Instead he went on as if the Pilot never asked anything ?The point is that in a situation like this, endurance is the key to your survival and the survival of this mission. Endurance is a mental thing, boy. If you can?t survive 10 seconds of a beating, what makes you think you can survive in a battlefield??
?I? I don?t know.?
?Right. You don?t. You know that all this, this treatment. The training. It?s for your own good, you know that??
The pilot nodded.
?Tell me something. Would you believe anything I say??
?Yes.?
?Really? What is the color of my hair??
?White.?
?And if I said Black, what is it then??
The pilot hesitated. He didn?t know what to say, ?White. UGHHH? blinding shock went through him. The meter went up to 35.
?You?re not following through. What color is it??
?White. AGGHHHH!!? tears seep through his eyes and down his temples.
?If I say it?s black, what color is it??
?BLACK!? he screamed again. The meter went up to 45.
?No. That?s not enough, you?re saying that because you figured that it will stop the pain, yes??
The pilot nodded.
Dr. J considered his words. He carefully examined the body on the bed. ?Over two hundred years ago, Russia was a communist country. Did you know that? It was once called The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics or the USSR. But you wouldn?t know that. No one in this day in age would. It?s a forgotten piece of history than managed to get itself forgotten in the human subconscious. In those times, they were the leaders in torture and fear. They would take prisoners both innocent and guilty and torture them for a crime that did or did not existed. Their ?confessions? were why the government stayed in power. The lies made their torture legitimate; ?For the good of Russian Republic?. It was that sense of nationalism that kept the communist in power for close to a century. But in time they failed, and did you know why??
He shook his head.
?They fail to make their prisoners believe their crimes. They failed to make their people believe in them. The Russians knew, each and every backward farmer, peasant, comrade knew that the only way to stay alive, the only way to survive and not get taken away by the secret police was to pretend to swallow the propaganda bullshit Lenin and then Stalin was spewing. The communist government had them and at the same time, they didn?t. They had them because on the outside, everyone was a good comrade, true in word and deed. But at the same time, they didn?t because they weren?t a good comrade in here.? And once again he pointed at his temple. ?As I said before, it?s in here that matters. Do you understand??
Pilot 01 managed to gather spit in a swollen mouth and painfully swallowed, ?You. You want to get inside my head.? He said in a low, tired voice.
The doctor looked at the young boy on the bed and smiled ?I want you to believe in me, no matter what. That?s what a perfect solider does. Never questioning, always believing. When I said to you that I intend to empty you of the unnecessary emotions and fill you with hate and war and death, I meant it. Ignorance can take you a long way. Now, lets try again. If I say my hair color is Black, do you really see Black? Honestly. I will not shock you for your honest answer.?
He paused ?I see White. I can?t help it. I can?t stop believing what my eyes see.?
?Alright then, very good. Which then would you prefer, to really see Black? Or to convince you to see Black??
?To really see Black.?
And then the world dissolved before his eyes. In a growing burning ball of pain, electricity flowed through him again. Growing along with the meter, the boy strain in his restraints. 45 then 55 then 65 and beyond. His brain started to go through overdrive. He thought, for some reason, of Odin and his graceful presence. He thought of Frieda and of her kindness. Her cooking was always so good and the chocolate cake was always a taste that lingered. He could have sworn the taste of chocolate was on his tongue, so savory, so sweet. However, as the electricity mounted, his senses were out of whack. The taste on his tongue was not Chocolate, but his own blood.
In his eyes, the colors seemed to swirl and the number of people in the room blurred and wavered. He looked at Dr. J and the colors just seem to eddy and spin. It was and it wasn?t white. It was blue and black and purple and orange. When the electricity was turned off, his head and body was beyond numb. He heard a voice and was then aware that it was Dr. J
?Pilot 01.?
He eyed him
?Pilot 01, can you answer me? What is my hair color??
He tried to speak clearly but managed to form his words in a gargle of words ?Black. Blue. Purple, I don?t know. I really don?t know but if you keep on doing that, you?ll kill me? You?ll kill me? Stop.?
Dr. J smiled ?Very good.? He then lifted a needle and injected him with a flourishing wave or relief. All the pain was soothed away, all forgiving and all comforting. He breathed normally and Dr. J checked for his heart rate. He then asked for his guards to unstrap him from the bed and place him on a stretcher. He knew he was being transported somewhere, but it didn?t matter. The pain stopped. That?s really all the mattered. Soothed by the painkiller flowing in his blood, he fell asleep hoping somehow, the sleep would just last forever.
Thinking about that, he fell asleep with a small smile on his lips.
*~*~*~*
It possibly could have been days, weeks, or months since he been in this little 8 by 10 cell. There was one light coming in from the square shaft above the ceiling. The shaft was no bigger than his own hand. He woke up one day in here and since then, he didn?t know what to do when it came to hunger cause there was no food given to him save for water and no place to urinate and extricate his waste except to release himself in the cell. The stench was overwhelming in a short amount of time. Sitting now in his own squalor, his thoughts led him to Wing. Dismembered when he first saw it, it was still as memorable and ominous as the darkness of space. Powerful. Very much the opposite of Pilot 01 now, helpless. When Dr. J said that he would pilot Wing, he believed him at that time and now Pilot 01 is considering the possibility that he is the brunt of the old man?s perverted joke. Possibly laughing at him in the hanger as he sits here waiting to die. The men and the doctor; eating, laughing like mad.
Pilot 01 felt like laughing like mad because at this point, he knew that he probably was.
He was still in his hospital gown the day he came out of sick bay for the third time. How long ago was that? Being in this cell made him forgetful of time. Time, being here, really didn?t mattered. Nothing mattered.
?In here mattered? he would say. Endurance was in the mind. Was he right about that? Was he right about everything? Did Dr. J have his mind? He shivered at the thought. ?No? he said to himself, ?No, he can?t, he can?t have my mind. Odin said to live by my emotions. If Dr. J wants to eradicate that away from me, what, then, will I have left?? He shifted his seating position and thought on this further ?How can he stamp out my emotions away from me? Is that possible? Emotions are in the mind. It?s not like something you can amputate like a leg or a hand.? But then, he thought back to the bed, and the electric shock treatment. When Dr. J shocked him to the point of death and asked about his hair color for the umpteenth time, he really did see all sorts of colors on his hair and the room. Dr. J, at that time, had his mind. Pilot 01 shivered again. ?He? He can?t. He couldn?t. Can he??
At that point, the cell door opened. Before him was two stalwart guards and the small familiar silhouette of Dr. J. With the opening of the door, light from the outside poured in and for Pilot 01, of which he himself hadn?t seen any vast amount of light for an indeterminate amount of time, he blocked his eyes. ?Long time no see, Pilot 01.?
?Just how long?? He asked in a voice barely above a strong whisper.
?Close to two months. I?m sorry if I was disturbing you, you seem to be in the middle of a conversation.?
Pilot 01 grew surprised ?How did you know that??
?You were talking to yourself out loud, didn?t you know that??
The pilot stayed silent in the waste strewn cell. Dr. J, breathing through his mouth finally huffed and turned to his guards, ?Enough, I can?t stand being here. This boy?s piss and shit is getting to me. Take him to room 209.?
?Why? What?s in room 209? Haven?t you proven your point? I?ll believe in you, I?ll take orders from you, what more do you want from me?? pilot 01 croaked.
Dr. J turned to look at the mess that is pilot 01 at his feet with an expressionless face. No one could tell what hid behind those spectacles of his but for Pilot 01?s worth, he could probably give a guess that its anything but sympathy. Thin lips fashioned into a smirk for only an instant and said, ?No. You?re not ready to do that yet. And you?ll see why in Room 209.? Then he walked off with the guards in tow carrying the pilot out onto the outside.
*~*~*~*
The room was nothing like the others. It was very much like a normal room with a chair on one side and a table on another. On the further opposite to where he is standing, was a full-length mirror. After the guards closed the door, Pilot 01 looked at Dr. J standing before him who gave off nothing to show what will occur in this room. Pilot 01 didn?t know if that?s something to give horror to. The hunched old man eyed the child with such stillness and composure like a master craftsman beginning his masterpiece. When everyone was now in their place, Dr. J finally began, ?Let me first say that Dr Freud, as insane and wrong in some theories as he is, never believed in the slip of the tongue. When one says something ?accidentally? in their sleep or otherwise, its believed that whatever is said, they meant it.? He walked over to the chair and slowly sat down and continued again, ?I knew that in the electro shock treatment, you were willing believe, but you didn?t quite made it through. Putting you in that cell proved my point.
?When a person is in solitude for a long period of time, things start to slip. Confessions, ridiculous babbling, prayers, etc.? He slipped his hand into the coat pocket and pulled out a small hand held recorder, ?Things of this nature applies to what I previously said? He pressed the play button and as the words filtered into Pilot 01?s ears, the child felt his bowels dropped inside. In and all around, he felt a cold chill and froze in movement. The recording captured every clear word he said:
? ?No, he can?t, he can?t have my mind. Odin said to live by my emotions. If Dr. J wants to eradicate that away from me, what, then, will I have left?? ?
? ?How can he stamp out my emotions away from me???
? ?He? He can?t. He couldn?t. Can he?? ?
He stopped the recording and filled the short silence by saying ?Yes, I can.?
The pilot shook, what was next? Why can?t the old man just let him die?! Dr. J stood up again and walked closer to the trembling boy ?I will show you the extent of emotions. I will show you just how powerless and faulty they really are. Remove your clothes.?
Pilots 01 widen his eyes. What perversity did the doctor have in mind? Pilot 01 heard the slow heavy footsteps of the guards and rather to endure another horrible beating, he quickly divested of his hospital gown. He reached behind to untie the string that held the filthy gown in place and let it fall in a heap around his feet. He wore no underwear or any other clothing beneath the gown. Before the eyes of the doctor and the guards, Pilot 01 was naked. Dr. J stepped aside and gestured an arm towards the mirror ?Go. Go to the mirror. See what emotions have done for you. See yourself for what you are.?
Numbly, he slowly walked over to the mirror as if approaching a dangerous animal. He breath caught at his throat as he saw a skeletal figure coming towards him in the mirror. It was pale. It was dirty. It was sickly.
It was him.
His blue eyes were glassy and yellow around the whites as he stared at his emaciated figure. Ribs popped out of his side that were so visible, a person could count each one from far off. His joints were like balls and his legs and arms were like fragile little twigs. His brown hair was limp and hanged from his head and his skin was pale beyond imagination. He felt warm tears coming forth from his eyes the longer he stared at himself. Finally, the child broke into choking tears and fell to his knees not noticing the clicking of the walking stick coming closer to him. When Pilot 01 opened his eyes, he saw through the blur of his tears Dr. J?s shoes. He then looked up with an agonizing look across his face to the old man standing before him. The pilot then quickly seized the doctor with his bony hands and managed to clutched on to the doctor?s crisp white lab coat screaming in agony ?YOU!!!! You did this to me!!!?
Dr. J wrapped his arms around the boy and said very calmly ?No. You did this to yourself.?
?HOW?!? he sobbed against his coat
?Simply by denying me, you cause yourself to be in this state. Don?t you see that by holding on to your emotions, you are only fighting against what I?m trying to give you??
?What??
?Endurance. Did I not tell you that endurance is in the mind??
?Yes.?
?And did you not figure out that I was trying to get into your mind??
?Yes.?
?Well don?t be stupid boy, put two and two together. I am endurance. I could be your endurance. Let me in, and I promise, you?ll never be in this helpless state again. Believe in me and anything I say, and I promise that your ignorance will take you to such great heights.? He took Pilot 01 out of his arms and looked directly at his eyes, ?Wing is only a representation of what you could be. Take that extra step and let me in.?
The pilot shivering in his arms stayed silent to his request. The doctor tired of his hesitance and dropped him on the floor ?Get up.? He said harshly. Pilot 01 obeyed and slowly pushed himself up from the cold ground. The doctor paced back and forth eyeing the boy the whole time with eyes of distain ?Look at you. In the course of two months, you lost 30 pounds of body fat. You once weighted in at 78 pounds and now you?re 48 pounds. You?re severely underweight, you?ve been tortured repeatedly, and do you know you smell like shit? Well you do. And all this happened needlessly because you refuse to give in.?
?I can?t help it!? he yelled out in anguish, ?I can?t help what my mind does. I wish I could believe you, I wish I could ignore what my eyes are telling me, I wish I could just stop feeling my emotions, but I can?t!?
At that, Dr. J laughed ?Emotions? My boy, what do you know about emotions? You have no family, no name, no past. What could you possibly know of emotions? Tell me one person in your life that has ever taught you emotions.?
He didn?t meet much people in his life. At least those he actually knew. The people he saw or talked to were clients of Odin who wanted someone wiped out or the victim themselves. The only person he knew well was Odin, a man of very little emotion. As he felt the draining power of defeat, a memory of someone flashed through his mind. A memory of love, warmth, and heartfelt caring. Pilot 01 turned to Dr. J and said ?Frieda.?
?Frieda? And who, may I ask, is Frieda??
He gathered up his courage to speak which came out in the form a whisper ?She was my guardian?s girlfriend. A man named Odin raised me and he had a girlfriend for two years. She loved me and cared for me. She cooked and hugged me and kissed me when I felt? down.?
Dr. J nodded ?Alright. So Odin was your Guardian but not your biological parent??
?Yes.?
?And he had a girlfriend named Frieda??
?Yes.?
?Mm-hm. So tell me, what did they do??
Pilot 01 paused. He really didn?t know how to say this, but he felt that if he didn?t answer soon, there would be an unpleasant consequence coming shortly ?Odin was a hit man and Frieda took her clothes off for money.?
The doctor paused before chuckling ?A killer and his stripper girlfriend, how romantic. So tell me, if she loved you so much, why are you here??
?She? She doesn?t know where I am. Odin and I were in L3 when he passed away. After that, I met you.?
Dr. J nodded again ?Allow me to tell you something about women. Women are good for one thing and that is to get them on their backs. Women are fuck-worthy and nothing more. Is a killer capable of love? He left her cause he got bored; such is the case with many men. In the end, she probably got hurt. The cost of living by your emotions. Women are faulty cause they are far too susceptible to emotions and are more likely to get hurt. This Frieda, if she were in the battlefield, she would be most likely to die first. Pain, heartbreak, emotions can only hurt you in the end. Love is, by far, the worst human trait.?
The child stayed silent. His eyes were red from all the sobbing and his body felt the ravage of fatigue and defeat. Pilot 01?s heart leap to his throat when he felt the harsh grip of the doctor?s hand around his arm ?Do you see the price of emotions for you? I?m 67 years old. I can?t lift anything more than 4 pounds and I walk at the pace of a snail and yet, I?m strong enough to break your arm in half!? He removed his hands and paced furiously again ?I bet I could tear out your teeth with my fingers alone as well as your hair. Your legs are as thick as carrots and your head; I could smash it in with my shoe. Pathetic. You are a pathetic piece of shit. All this, and you know it yourself that it does not have to be this way.?
Pilot 01 nodded ?No. It doesn?t.?
Dr. J turned to the boy. He had his head down and his arms limp to the sides. After sometime, he raised his head and had the wrenching look of someone who lost someone or something close. He raised his arms and had them outstretched to him ?Help me. Help me stop the pain. Help me become the Perfect Soldier.?
The doctor came around and wrapped his arm around the boy?s bony shoulders. He walked towards the door in silence and when he reached the threshold between the guards, the doctor said, ?That?s a start. Is there anything you would like to say before we move on??
Pilot 01 thought of this before asking ?What day is it today??
?July 17, AC 189.?
?Oh. My birthday passed. I?m 9 years old now.?
?Oh really? Well then, Happy belated birthday.?
And then Pilot 01 felt the pierce of something sharp in his arm and felt darkness clouding his eyes. That wonderful feeling of sleep rushed through him and felt his body going limp. After that, it was darkness again and nothing else.
By Valkyrie Skye
Act 1: El soldado eternal: Heero Yuy story
Chapter 6: Growing Pains, part 1
May 14, AC 189
ESC1019 colony cluster of L1
8:35 PM
Pilot 01 walked out from sick-bay and into the cold gray hallways of the hangar. There was no destination in mind for him, just a need to walk away. He knew they were behind him, somehow, in a way, ready to jump him, to do it again. It was his third time in the sick bay. Empty blue eyes ahead, he walked like he was the dead. The first time was in the middle of the main hanger?s floor, fists falling on him like hard rain. He dreamt of this in the hospital bed as he healed his broken bones the first time. When he healed, they fed him the most delicious food, bathed him, and clothed him. He felt like the light was just ahead of him. That entire day went along fine, until he went to bed.
They showed him his room, a cold sterile area with a small bed across from him. He looked to the man who showed him the room, a tall fellow in a gray shirt and dirty blue jeans. He was one of the men who had participated in his beating. The man just looked down and his small, thin lips turned upward in a smirk. ?Night? he said before turning out and shutting the door behind him leaving Pilot 01 in the darkness. He turned ahead of him slowly, hands outward until he bumped into the solid hardness that is the bed. He turned back the stiff white sheets and crawled in, looking up at the darkness until his eyes fell asleep?
Footsteps?
Many? all coming in.
In his sleep, he heard footsteps fall against the hard ground within his subconscious. It was then that he felt cold iron clamp down on his small ankles and within a measure of a heartbeat, he woke and felt himself being harshly pulled out of the bed and onto the floor. In the midst of his grogginess, he sees light pouring in from the open door. The light cast some shape to the figures in the room. He looked at the figures in a startled alarm until his gaze fell upon the man who brought him here.
He was still sporting the same smirk.
In the natural Japanese tongue, one of the men spoke ?Get up, shithead.?
?Wha? what?? his voice was so small in the intimidating presence of the men, ?what??
One of them chuckled ?Look, it?s the big pilot.? He said in a mocking voice, ?Our fucking savior.?
?Yeah. On the floor, like a little animal.?
?Hey, what the hell are you talking about? He is an animal, aren?t you, you little fucker?? questioned the other men.
Pilot 01 crawled on his hands and knees, trying hard to see through his sleep-gummed eyes. The man who brought him here, shoved him down to the floor by his shoulders with his foot and kept him pinned there ?Come on, shithead, Hiedo-san asked you a question. Are you an animal??
The pilot struggled underneath his boot. His small little body writhed and wiggled and then he heard his own voice let forth a guttural yelp. The man pressed harder on his shoulders. The pilot managed to open his eyes a little and could see his dark hair falling over his slanted eyes ?well, half breed? Answer the goddamn question.?
Pilot 01 didn?t know what to say. At this point, he figured that if you were wise enough, you would appease your attackers and manage to stay conscious and not face any more punishment. Under the pain and stress, his voice shrunk but was still audible ?y-yes??
?Yes, what?? when the pilot wasn?t responding, he pressing harder ?What? Say it. Say the whole goddamn thing.?
?I?m an animal.?
?Louder, asshole.?
?I?m an animal.? He said a little loudly
?No! louder! I want the fucking alliance back at Earth to hear you!?
?I?M AN ANIMAL!!!?
?Now, get the fuck up.? The man lifted off his foot from Pilot 01 shoulder allowing him to get up. He struggled to get up on weak knees and although he wasn?t aware, he was trembling.
The men snickered and the man known as Hiedo spoke up ?Look, he?s shaking.? Then his hand shot out and slapped the 8 year old in the head ?stop shaking, dickhead. Face your punishment like a man.?
And he did try, he really did, to stop the shaking but doing so only caused him to shake even more. He faced the man whom he met earlier and received a harsh punch in the face. The pilot fell to the floor and the nightmare was beginning again.
?Come on fuck face, cry! Cry for your mommy!? one said as he felt his fist on his chest. The darkness, combined with blinding fear and pain caused all the images, all the voices to become so indistinct from the pilot?s perspective, that he couldn?t tell which fist was which. Which slur was which.
?Smash it! Smash his goddamn half-breed face in!?
?Take it like a man!?
Soon enough, Pilot 01 didn?t felt the pain anymore. Didn?t hear the slurs. All he could feel now, is the sweet familiar oblivion that comforted him during his first healing from the first beating.
Oblivion, at this point, never seemed more appealing to the Pilot before as it did now.
The most recent beating occurred when he was walking out in the hallway a month and half ago. They just came out and cornered him and beated him once again. And now here he is walking, knowing they?re there. Knowing, somehow, they?ll just re-appear here, or in his room, or the bathroom, or somewhere anywhere, and do it again. There was a voice in his head that he was not aware of, speaking like a recording, only off beat. He focused his attention towards the voice, trying to hear its words.
?They?ll beat me, and I don?t care, they?ll beat me and kill me and I don?t care. I don?t care, I don?t care!, I DON?T CARE! I?M AN ANIMAL, AN ANIMAL, A GODDAMN ANIMAL!?
?Pilot 01.?
He turned quickly, his eyes, like wild blue orbs taking in everything all at once. It was Dr. J. He stood a couple of feet away from the young pilot, his mechanical arm holding the walking stick firmly upon the ground. The old man studied the pilot from his distance and after awhile, said, ?come here.?
Never hesitating, the pilot walked over to the old man and stood no more that two feet away from him. Pilot 01 eyed the Doctor with his dead blue eyes. Dr. J, for his part, reached to touch his face and looked closely into his eyes. ?I like how they?re looking so far. But I feel like there?s one more thing that has to go through.? Placing his hand to his side again, he asked, ?Do you understand why this punishment has to occur??
Pilot 01 shook his head ?No.?
Dr. J smirked ?No. I didn?t think so.?
Footsteps. His inside froze with fear. He turn to face a tall thin man, whom he remembered as Dr. J?s assistant armed with a needle and the next thing he knew, His eyes were being pulled down in sleep and then, Darkness.
*~*~*~*
There was a droll pain in his head when he finally woke. Tightness around his wrist and ankles made him tremble in an uncontrollable fear. Had he ever been this scared before? He can?t remember. Pilot 01 felt himself lying against a hard bed in a dimly lighted room. His wild blue eyes rolled rapidly all around trying to take in everything. Over by his side was a machine and by it was Dr. J?s assistant. The machine had wires coming out of it and was attached to parts of his head and parts of his body. And next to him, seated on a chair, watching the pilot was Dr. J himself armed with two guards on each side. Dr. J smirked when the Pilot?s eyes fell on him and then he stood up.
?Welcome back, boy. Good to have you with us. We can?t very well do this without you, now can we?? he stopped as if the pilot was going to answer. When he didn?t, he went on. ?Well then, first off, how are you feeling??
Pilot 01 didn?t answer.
Dr. J just stared, then turned to his assistant and nodded his head. Pilot 01?s body felt, instantly, the flow of burning pain throughout his body in sharp currents. He yelled out in a loud guttural cry until the currents died down. He had 20 CC?s of electricity flow right through him. He looked at Dr. J with wide eyes and as if answering his glance, Dr. J said, ?For every question not answered, you?ll get a shock of electricity flowed through you. Mind you, boy, that 20 is the lowest in this machine. It can go higher.? Dr. J walked closer to the Pilot and leaned in. Pilot 01 can smell the tea in his breath, ?I know myself that you are not stupid, far from it. So lets not pretend that you are dense and answer my goddamn questions, hm??
Pilot 01 nodded.
Dr. J smiled ?Now that?s acceptable. Shall we begin?? he walked back to his place with an air of a Teacher speaking to his student, he began ?Now, then. How are you feeling??
?I. I feel??
?You can be honest with me boy. If you feel like shit, you can say so.?
Pilot 01 searched for the words, ?I? I feel like? I feel fine.?
?Fine??
?I suppose. I suppose I feel? fine. Miserable. I feel like shit.? The words came forth like a dribble of water.
?Now that?s more like it. Don?t get me wrong, it?s not like I get off seeing you in pain, its just I detest liars. If there?s nothing that I hate more, it?s a liar. And you?re not a liar, are you??
?No.?
?Good.? He paced the length of the room considering what to ask next. Pilot 01 saw that the old man was getting frail and slow; his back was growing a hump causing his posture to become poorer. He turned to look at the pilot strapped to the bed like a wild beast and continued, ?Do you have any idea as to what you are doing here, with me, with my little project??
?To pilot Wing, to- AGHHH? He yelled out in close to a shriek.
?No.? Dr. J said, ?No, that was not it at all. Haven?t you been paying attention to anything I said back when we first met? It was more than the Gundam. I wanted a perfect solider. The machine, in truth does not matter cause the machine breaks.? And then in voice like reverence, he continued, ?It?s the person inside. It?s in here? and he jabbed a finger on his temple as if to prove his point ?that matters. When they piled on you, my boys, when they piled on you and beated the life out of you, did you know you went down in no more than 10 seconds??
Pilot 01 shook his head.
?Of course not. In a time like that, you aren?t really thinking about it aren?t you?? he smiled as he said that. ?But it?s important that I notice something like that. Imagine, if you will, that you were in Wing right now. Picture yourself in the middle of the battlefield surrounded by the enemy. You?re being shot left and right by mobile suits and sure, its Gundanium, but what if the Alliance has something similar or better? Believe me as I say this. Never, I repeat, never underestimate the Alliance.? He waited until Pilot 01 was about to speak. And sure enough, his lips moved to speak.
?Permission to speak?? Pilot 01 asked. Dr. J nodded, ?You use to work for them. Didn?t you??
Dr. J didn?t respond. Instead he went on as if the Pilot never asked anything ?The point is that in a situation like this, endurance is the key to your survival and the survival of this mission. Endurance is a mental thing, boy. If you can?t survive 10 seconds of a beating, what makes you think you can survive in a battlefield??
?I? I don?t know.?
?Right. You don?t. You know that all this, this treatment. The training. It?s for your own good, you know that??
The pilot nodded.
?Tell me something. Would you believe anything I say??
?Yes.?
?Really? What is the color of my hair??
?White.?
?And if I said Black, what is it then??
The pilot hesitated. He didn?t know what to say, ?White. UGHHH? blinding shock went through him. The meter went up to 35.
?You?re not following through. What color is it??
?White. AGGHHHH!!? tears seep through his eyes and down his temples.
?If I say it?s black, what color is it??
?BLACK!? he screamed again. The meter went up to 45.
?No. That?s not enough, you?re saying that because you figured that it will stop the pain, yes??
The pilot nodded.
Dr. J considered his words. He carefully examined the body on the bed. ?Over two hundred years ago, Russia was a communist country. Did you know that? It was once called The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics or the USSR. But you wouldn?t know that. No one in this day in age would. It?s a forgotten piece of history than managed to get itself forgotten in the human subconscious. In those times, they were the leaders in torture and fear. They would take prisoners both innocent and guilty and torture them for a crime that did or did not existed. Their ?confessions? were why the government stayed in power. The lies made their torture legitimate; ?For the good of Russian Republic?. It was that sense of nationalism that kept the communist in power for close to a century. But in time they failed, and did you know why??
He shook his head.
?They fail to make their prisoners believe their crimes. They failed to make their people believe in them. The Russians knew, each and every backward farmer, peasant, comrade knew that the only way to stay alive, the only way to survive and not get taken away by the secret police was to pretend to swallow the propaganda bullshit Lenin and then Stalin was spewing. The communist government had them and at the same time, they didn?t. They had them because on the outside, everyone was a good comrade, true in word and deed. But at the same time, they didn?t because they weren?t a good comrade in here.? And once again he pointed at his temple. ?As I said before, it?s in here that matters. Do you understand??
Pilot 01 managed to gather spit in a swollen mouth and painfully swallowed, ?You. You want to get inside my head.? He said in a low, tired voice.
The doctor looked at the young boy on the bed and smiled ?I want you to believe in me, no matter what. That?s what a perfect solider does. Never questioning, always believing. When I said to you that I intend to empty you of the unnecessary emotions and fill you with hate and war and death, I meant it. Ignorance can take you a long way. Now, lets try again. If I say my hair color is Black, do you really see Black? Honestly. I will not shock you for your honest answer.?
He paused ?I see White. I can?t help it. I can?t stop believing what my eyes see.?
?Alright then, very good. Which then would you prefer, to really see Black? Or to convince you to see Black??
?To really see Black.?
And then the world dissolved before his eyes. In a growing burning ball of pain, electricity flowed through him again. Growing along with the meter, the boy strain in his restraints. 45 then 55 then 65 and beyond. His brain started to go through overdrive. He thought, for some reason, of Odin and his graceful presence. He thought of Frieda and of her kindness. Her cooking was always so good and the chocolate cake was always a taste that lingered. He could have sworn the taste of chocolate was on his tongue, so savory, so sweet. However, as the electricity mounted, his senses were out of whack. The taste on his tongue was not Chocolate, but his own blood.
In his eyes, the colors seemed to swirl and the number of people in the room blurred and wavered. He looked at Dr. J and the colors just seem to eddy and spin. It was and it wasn?t white. It was blue and black and purple and orange. When the electricity was turned off, his head and body was beyond numb. He heard a voice and was then aware that it was Dr. J
?Pilot 01.?
He eyed him
?Pilot 01, can you answer me? What is my hair color??
He tried to speak clearly but managed to form his words in a gargle of words ?Black. Blue. Purple, I don?t know. I really don?t know but if you keep on doing that, you?ll kill me? You?ll kill me? Stop.?
Dr. J smiled ?Very good.? He then lifted a needle and injected him with a flourishing wave or relief. All the pain was soothed away, all forgiving and all comforting. He breathed normally and Dr. J checked for his heart rate. He then asked for his guards to unstrap him from the bed and place him on a stretcher. He knew he was being transported somewhere, but it didn?t matter. The pain stopped. That?s really all the mattered. Soothed by the painkiller flowing in his blood, he fell asleep hoping somehow, the sleep would just last forever.
Thinking about that, he fell asleep with a small smile on his lips.
*~*~*~*
It possibly could have been days, weeks, or months since he been in this little 8 by 10 cell. There was one light coming in from the square shaft above the ceiling. The shaft was no bigger than his own hand. He woke up one day in here and since then, he didn?t know what to do when it came to hunger cause there was no food given to him save for water and no place to urinate and extricate his waste except to release himself in the cell. The stench was overwhelming in a short amount of time. Sitting now in his own squalor, his thoughts led him to Wing. Dismembered when he first saw it, it was still as memorable and ominous as the darkness of space. Powerful. Very much the opposite of Pilot 01 now, helpless. When Dr. J said that he would pilot Wing, he believed him at that time and now Pilot 01 is considering the possibility that he is the brunt of the old man?s perverted joke. Possibly laughing at him in the hanger as he sits here waiting to die. The men and the doctor; eating, laughing like mad.
Pilot 01 felt like laughing like mad because at this point, he knew that he probably was.
He was still in his hospital gown the day he came out of sick bay for the third time. How long ago was that? Being in this cell made him forgetful of time. Time, being here, really didn?t mattered. Nothing mattered.
?In here mattered? he would say. Endurance was in the mind. Was he right about that? Was he right about everything? Did Dr. J have his mind? He shivered at the thought. ?No? he said to himself, ?No, he can?t, he can?t have my mind. Odin said to live by my emotions. If Dr. J wants to eradicate that away from me, what, then, will I have left?? He shifted his seating position and thought on this further ?How can he stamp out my emotions away from me? Is that possible? Emotions are in the mind. It?s not like something you can amputate like a leg or a hand.? But then, he thought back to the bed, and the electric shock treatment. When Dr. J shocked him to the point of death and asked about his hair color for the umpteenth time, he really did see all sorts of colors on his hair and the room. Dr. J, at that time, had his mind. Pilot 01 shivered again. ?He? He can?t. He couldn?t. Can he??
At that point, the cell door opened. Before him was two stalwart guards and the small familiar silhouette of Dr. J. With the opening of the door, light from the outside poured in and for Pilot 01, of which he himself hadn?t seen any vast amount of light for an indeterminate amount of time, he blocked his eyes. ?Long time no see, Pilot 01.?
?Just how long?? He asked in a voice barely above a strong whisper.
?Close to two months. I?m sorry if I was disturbing you, you seem to be in the middle of a conversation.?
Pilot 01 grew surprised ?How did you know that??
?You were talking to yourself out loud, didn?t you know that??
The pilot stayed silent in the waste strewn cell. Dr. J, breathing through his mouth finally huffed and turned to his guards, ?Enough, I can?t stand being here. This boy?s piss and shit is getting to me. Take him to room 209.?
?Why? What?s in room 209? Haven?t you proven your point? I?ll believe in you, I?ll take orders from you, what more do you want from me?? pilot 01 croaked.
Dr. J turned to look at the mess that is pilot 01 at his feet with an expressionless face. No one could tell what hid behind those spectacles of his but for Pilot 01?s worth, he could probably give a guess that its anything but sympathy. Thin lips fashioned into a smirk for only an instant and said, ?No. You?re not ready to do that yet. And you?ll see why in Room 209.? Then he walked off with the guards in tow carrying the pilot out onto the outside.
*~*~*~*
The room was nothing like the others. It was very much like a normal room with a chair on one side and a table on another. On the further opposite to where he is standing, was a full-length mirror. After the guards closed the door, Pilot 01 looked at Dr. J standing before him who gave off nothing to show what will occur in this room. Pilot 01 didn?t know if that?s something to give horror to. The hunched old man eyed the child with such stillness and composure like a master craftsman beginning his masterpiece. When everyone was now in their place, Dr. J finally began, ?Let me first say that Dr Freud, as insane and wrong in some theories as he is, never believed in the slip of the tongue. When one says something ?accidentally? in their sleep or otherwise, its believed that whatever is said, they meant it.? He walked over to the chair and slowly sat down and continued again, ?I knew that in the electro shock treatment, you were willing believe, but you didn?t quite made it through. Putting you in that cell proved my point.
?When a person is in solitude for a long period of time, things start to slip. Confessions, ridiculous babbling, prayers, etc.? He slipped his hand into the coat pocket and pulled out a small hand held recorder, ?Things of this nature applies to what I previously said? He pressed the play button and as the words filtered into Pilot 01?s ears, the child felt his bowels dropped inside. In and all around, he felt a cold chill and froze in movement. The recording captured every clear word he said:
? ?No, he can?t, he can?t have my mind. Odin said to live by my emotions. If Dr. J wants to eradicate that away from me, what, then, will I have left?? ?
? ?How can he stamp out my emotions away from me???
? ?He? He can?t. He couldn?t. Can he?? ?
He stopped the recording and filled the short silence by saying ?Yes, I can.?
The pilot shook, what was next? Why can?t the old man just let him die?! Dr. J stood up again and walked closer to the trembling boy ?I will show you the extent of emotions. I will show you just how powerless and faulty they really are. Remove your clothes.?
Pilots 01 widen his eyes. What perversity did the doctor have in mind? Pilot 01 heard the slow heavy footsteps of the guards and rather to endure another horrible beating, he quickly divested of his hospital gown. He reached behind to untie the string that held the filthy gown in place and let it fall in a heap around his feet. He wore no underwear or any other clothing beneath the gown. Before the eyes of the doctor and the guards, Pilot 01 was naked. Dr. J stepped aside and gestured an arm towards the mirror ?Go. Go to the mirror. See what emotions have done for you. See yourself for what you are.?
Numbly, he slowly walked over to the mirror as if approaching a dangerous animal. He breath caught at his throat as he saw a skeletal figure coming towards him in the mirror. It was pale. It was dirty. It was sickly.
It was him.
His blue eyes were glassy and yellow around the whites as he stared at his emaciated figure. Ribs popped out of his side that were so visible, a person could count each one from far off. His joints were like balls and his legs and arms were like fragile little twigs. His brown hair was limp and hanged from his head and his skin was pale beyond imagination. He felt warm tears coming forth from his eyes the longer he stared at himself. Finally, the child broke into choking tears and fell to his knees not noticing the clicking of the walking stick coming closer to him. When Pilot 01 opened his eyes, he saw through the blur of his tears Dr. J?s shoes. He then looked up with an agonizing look across his face to the old man standing before him. The pilot then quickly seized the doctor with his bony hands and managed to clutched on to the doctor?s crisp white lab coat screaming in agony ?YOU!!!! You did this to me!!!?
Dr. J wrapped his arms around the boy and said very calmly ?No. You did this to yourself.?
?HOW?!? he sobbed against his coat
?Simply by denying me, you cause yourself to be in this state. Don?t you see that by holding on to your emotions, you are only fighting against what I?m trying to give you??
?What??
?Endurance. Did I not tell you that endurance is in the mind??
?Yes.?
?And did you not figure out that I was trying to get into your mind??
?Yes.?
?Well don?t be stupid boy, put two and two together. I am endurance. I could be your endurance. Let me in, and I promise, you?ll never be in this helpless state again. Believe in me and anything I say, and I promise that your ignorance will take you to such great heights.? He took Pilot 01 out of his arms and looked directly at his eyes, ?Wing is only a representation of what you could be. Take that extra step and let me in.?
The pilot shivering in his arms stayed silent to his request. The doctor tired of his hesitance and dropped him on the floor ?Get up.? He said harshly. Pilot 01 obeyed and slowly pushed himself up from the cold ground. The doctor paced back and forth eyeing the boy the whole time with eyes of distain ?Look at you. In the course of two months, you lost 30 pounds of body fat. You once weighted in at 78 pounds and now you?re 48 pounds. You?re severely underweight, you?ve been tortured repeatedly, and do you know you smell like shit? Well you do. And all this happened needlessly because you refuse to give in.?
?I can?t help it!? he yelled out in anguish, ?I can?t help what my mind does. I wish I could believe you, I wish I could ignore what my eyes are telling me, I wish I could just stop feeling my emotions, but I can?t!?
At that, Dr. J laughed ?Emotions? My boy, what do you know about emotions? You have no family, no name, no past. What could you possibly know of emotions? Tell me one person in your life that has ever taught you emotions.?
He didn?t meet much people in his life. At least those he actually knew. The people he saw or talked to were clients of Odin who wanted someone wiped out or the victim themselves. The only person he knew well was Odin, a man of very little emotion. As he felt the draining power of defeat, a memory of someone flashed through his mind. A memory of love, warmth, and heartfelt caring. Pilot 01 turned to Dr. J and said ?Frieda.?
?Frieda? And who, may I ask, is Frieda??
He gathered up his courage to speak which came out in the form a whisper ?She was my guardian?s girlfriend. A man named Odin raised me and he had a girlfriend for two years. She loved me and cared for me. She cooked and hugged me and kissed me when I felt? down.?
Dr. J nodded ?Alright. So Odin was your Guardian but not your biological parent??
?Yes.?
?And he had a girlfriend named Frieda??
?Yes.?
?Mm-hm. So tell me, what did they do??
Pilot 01 paused. He really didn?t know how to say this, but he felt that if he didn?t answer soon, there would be an unpleasant consequence coming shortly ?Odin was a hit man and Frieda took her clothes off for money.?
The doctor paused before chuckling ?A killer and his stripper girlfriend, how romantic. So tell me, if she loved you so much, why are you here??
?She? She doesn?t know where I am. Odin and I were in L3 when he passed away. After that, I met you.?
Dr. J nodded again ?Allow me to tell you something about women. Women are good for one thing and that is to get them on their backs. Women are fuck-worthy and nothing more. Is a killer capable of love? He left her cause he got bored; such is the case with many men. In the end, she probably got hurt. The cost of living by your emotions. Women are faulty cause they are far too susceptible to emotions and are more likely to get hurt. This Frieda, if she were in the battlefield, she would be most likely to die first. Pain, heartbreak, emotions can only hurt you in the end. Love is, by far, the worst human trait.?
The child stayed silent. His eyes were red from all the sobbing and his body felt the ravage of fatigue and defeat. Pilot 01?s heart leap to his throat when he felt the harsh grip of the doctor?s hand around his arm ?Do you see the price of emotions for you? I?m 67 years old. I can?t lift anything more than 4 pounds and I walk at the pace of a snail and yet, I?m strong enough to break your arm in half!? He removed his hands and paced furiously again ?I bet I could tear out your teeth with my fingers alone as well as your hair. Your legs are as thick as carrots and your head; I could smash it in with my shoe. Pathetic. You are a pathetic piece of shit. All this, and you know it yourself that it does not have to be this way.?
Pilot 01 nodded ?No. It doesn?t.?
Dr. J turned to the boy. He had his head down and his arms limp to the sides. After sometime, he raised his head and had the wrenching look of someone who lost someone or something close. He raised his arms and had them outstretched to him ?Help me. Help me stop the pain. Help me become the Perfect Soldier.?
The doctor came around and wrapped his arm around the boy?s bony shoulders. He walked towards the door in silence and when he reached the threshold between the guards, the doctor said, ?That?s a start. Is there anything you would like to say before we move on??
Pilot 01 thought of this before asking ?What day is it today??
?July 17, AC 189.?
?Oh. My birthday passed. I?m 9 years old now.?
?Oh really? Well then, Happy belated birthday.?
And then Pilot 01 felt the pierce of something sharp in his arm and felt darkness clouding his eyes. That wonderful feeling of sleep rushed through him and felt his body going limp. After that, it was darkness again and nothing else.