[FMA - PG-13, Ed/Winry, angst] Grace Unhearing

[Leia Avenrose]

Disclaimer: I don?t own Fullmetal Alchemist. And sadly, I do not own Edward Elric or Maes Hughes, or even Roy Mustang. *sighs, looking away from the glare Mellie shoots her way at the mention of Roy?s name* Shame I can?t own human Alphonse Elric either, damn he?s a cutie. Story is mine, however, and please ... there are some ... "implicated" spoilers, ahem.
Dedication: Mellie, and Ice Princess





Grace Unhearing
By: Leia Avenrose
Rating: PG-13


When she entered the room, she found him sitting up in the hospital bed. The room was white; the walls bare, the floor spotless. Transparent curtains rippled softly in the morning breeze streaming in through the semi-open windows, the birdsong light and cheerful. Beside the bed a small table sat, a tray of untouched food and milk still in place. She stood in the doorway, watching him. His hair had grown and hung far down his back, faint stubble shadowing the length of his jaw. He wore a white bandage around his head, and a gauze pad pressed against the side of his neck, his bangs splayed down along his brow and the sides of his face. She forced herself to remain calm and to not lecture him about what happened when he didn?t drink his milk or eat; his appearance was haggard, and there was a slouch in his shoulders.

Closing the door quietly behind her, she approached the bedside hesitantly, hands clasped behind her back. Still he continued to stare out the window, dark bags under his eyes, the once rich golden depths now pale and listless. She longed to hold him, longed to ask what had happened. Lucky for her, the trains had been running all through the night, and as soon as she had gotten the call, she had hopped the earliest one and headed into the city.

And here she was, standing at his bedside, in the quiet hospital.

?Edward, are you ? all right?? Winry Rockbell bit the inside of her cheek. He looked exactly like his father; the same coloring, the same facial-bone structure, everything.

Edward pretended he hadn?t heard her, while he had heard her soft knock, had even heard the nurse enter his room just minutes before her announcing the girl?s arrival. His hands twitched on the bed sheets resting on his lap. Winry furrowed her brow, her eyes searching the side of his face. She was afraid he?d push her away if she tried to draw him into her arms and hold him. She wished desperately that she could take away his grief and bad thoughts, all the bad memories of his childhood. Looking around the small room, she found only a small dresser across from the end of the bed.

?I came as soon as I heard,? she said in a soft voice, disappointed that there were no chairs in sight, and settled for sitting on the edge of the bed. She shifted to look at him, and followed his gaze to the window. The birds hopped from branch to branch, chirping prettily.

?Go away,? he bit out gruffly.

Winry bit her bottom lip to stop her chin from trembling. ?You know I won?t. Edward, I?m here to help you; I want to help you. Please, just ? just let me.?

?I said go away!?

She flinched, tears burning her eyes. She set her jaw hard, determined to get him to open to her no matter what, and pushed back her tears, calming herself before speaking. ?You?re going to learn the hard way, Edward Elric, that I?m not as easy as you think I am to get rid of. And I don?t care if we argue about it well into the night, I?m staying here, in this room, with you, and you have no say about it, do you hear me?? Her voice trembled, but she ignored it, breathing heavily through her nose, lips pressed tightly together.

Slowly his eyes closed, and Winry felt a spark of hope.

Edward looked to her, silent, just watching her. Then, without speaking, he looked back to the window, his fingers gripping the sheets. Why couldn?t she just do what she was told? Why couldn?t she just leave him alone? He didn?t want to be there, no matter how much he had wished it; this was just not someplace he wanted to be. The memories were there; everywhere he went, every corner he turned, and even in every glass surface he peered into. They would just not leave him alone; the nightmares continuously tormented him, all through the night, and well into the morning. He hadn?t slept a wink last night, and that was the reason for the bags surrounding his eyes. Tossing and turning, he ended up training within the confined space, using the moonlight as his light.

Winry felt her heart sink.

Had she not been firm enough? Had she not gotten through to him?

Reaching out, she gently touched his arm. His torso was bare, and she knew he had been stripped down to his boxers. His body wore faint scars, markings of his childhood, of a pre-mature birth into adulthood. Her heart ached for him. Winry climbed further onto the bed, pushing the pillow back into the metal headboard, and sat close to his back. She folded her right leg in, pressed the front of her calve into his lower back lightly, while stretching out her left leg alongside him. She stroked a hand over his shoulder, feeling a ghost of a smile grace her lips. His shoulders and back were broad, toned from all the training he used to do; how she longed to wrap her arms around him and comfort him.

Edward closed his eyes, shivering involuntarily. ?Don?t, Winry,? he warned in a quiet voice, turning his face towards her slightly. She felt him tense under the hand she had rested on his shoulder, and sighed heavily.

?Your hair needs to be brushed.?

?Leave it alone, in fact, go home. Just ? leave me alone.? Edward looked back to the window.

Winry flinched. ?Don?t be like that.?

?I mean it. I don?t need you; I need to be alone.?

?Please,? she breathed, feeling the lump of tears in her throat, ?don?t say that.?

Edward felt the mattress shift under her weight. He heard her shuffling around in her bag, and then heard her sniffle. His shoulders fell slightly, and he bit his tongue, bit off the apology. I?m sorry, Winry, he thought sadly, I don?t know where to begin; you?re better off without me around. Everyone near me, everyone I love; I end up hurting them in the end, or they end up leaving me?I don?t want neither to happen to you. It?s for your own good.

Winry gently eased the string that had been holding his hair in its ponytail at the back of his head off, dropping it in her lap. She absently stroked a hand down the long golden strands, smoothing them down the length of his back. Her voice was soft, and held a slightly noticeable tremble to it, as she spoke.

?I was always jealous of your hair.? Her fingers paused on a thick strand and she brought her brush to it, gently stroking the bristles through the golden silk. ?I even used to secretly hate you for it. I always wondered how you managed to keep it so long and never get frustrated whenever it tangled up.?

Edward sat in silence, gritting his teeth against the urge to break down. Twenty-two years old and he wanted to turn around, bury his face into her breast and cry. He nearly scowled in disbelief at the mere thought of it. Winry sighed to herself, reaching up to wipe away the tear that had fallen down her cheek with the back of her hand. She sniffled, and continued to stroke the brush through his hair, her hand following to smooth the strands out some more.

?I ? I realized that??

Her voice caught in her throat as the bed shifted beneath her. Edward turned to face her, traces of tears in his eyes. His auto-mail arm came up, and his hand cupped her cheek. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and took a shuddering breath. Winry choked back a broken sob, the brush slipping from her fingers as she brought her hands up to cup his face.

?I didn?t mean what I said,? he whispered, brushing his nose against hers. Winry sniffled and, weeping quietly, couldn?t find the proper words. Edward continued, ?I don?t want anything bad to happen to you. Please, Winry, try to understand.?

Winry shook her head furiously. She jerked away, feeling the coolness of the auto-mail brush along her cheek, stroking her tears away.

?Don?t?don?t do that! You?re going to rust up!? She moved to grab her purse. Edward reached for her, and his hand slipped behind her neck, cupping it. He pulled her back to him immediately, capturing her lips against his and muffling the startled squeak.

Winry froze, eyes wide, her hands gripping his shoulders. Pulling away hastily, she stared at him in shock, lips trembling. ?Edward??

?I?m sorry, I shouldn?t have done that.? Edward licked his lips, feeling his pulse race. Winry shook her head slowly.

?No. No?I mean, yes! Wait, I mean?damn it.? She exhaled heavily, shoulders slumping forward. Bringing her hands to her face, she buried her face into them, rubbing her eyes. Her eyes still stung from her tears earlier, and she winced into her hands.

Edward reached out, brushing his real hand over the top of her head, trailing his fingers through her hair. ?Look at me, Winry.? He slipped his fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at him. ?I need you to understand something: I can?t stay here anymore. I don?t even know how they found me. You have no idea how long I?ve waited to return here, but I just can?t stay.?

?Don?t, Ed, please,? Winry begged, pulling away.

?I have to go, if not back there, then to just leave here.?

Winry shook her head. She shifted around to slide off the bed, but Edward grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back against him into his lap. She kicked her legs, trying desperately to get out of his arms, but to fight against auto-mail with your bare hands was a no-win situation.

?Listen to me!? he said sternly against her ear. ?Al is dead. I succeeded in bringing him back twice; first his soul, and then resurrecting his body, all right? But this time, there?s nothing I can do. It?s out of my hands, Winry, do you understand? Equivalent trade; a life for a life. That?s why I have to go back, there?s nothing for me here anymore.?

Edward knew the mistake he had made long before making it. Winry turned swiftly, and her open palm cracked against his cheek. He was helpless to stop the second well-deserved slap.

?Knock it off!? he shouted, trying to deflect her third hit, but failed miserably. Her fingers poked his left eye, and he cried out in pain, taken by surprise. Winry squirmed in his lap, but he kept his auto-mail arm firmly wrapped around her waist, while nursing his wounded eye with his other. ?Damn it, Winry! Stop acting like a child!?

?How dare you?!? She tried to turn some more to fully hit him in the face, but Edward had had enough and without wasting another second, he had her pinned down into the mattress, his legs straddling her hips, his hands forcing her shoulders down. Winry twisted, breaking free, and Edward caught himself quickly by putting his hands on each side of her head before he could fall into her. Winry began to beat her fists against his chest, shouting out, ?I?m not good enough, is that it? I?m not what you want? You don?t like what you see, Edward Elric?? With each question, her fists hit harder, emphasizing her anger, while her eyes betrayed the hurt she felt.

Suddenly, before he had a chance to even utter a reply, her hand connected with the side of his face, then again, and again and again, over and over. She was sobbing loudly, crystal tears streaming out from the corners of her eyes. Edward didn?t move, not once did he even flinch beneath her blows. He continued to lean over her, his weight supported on his hands. He kept his eyes closed, not bothering to stop the tears from escaping out from beneath his lashes. He knew he deserved every slap and every punch she was hitting him with. He had hurt her in the past, and he was only hurting her now by being with her. There was one way to end it and that was to just go back ? for both their sakes.

Seeing that this was getting nowhere, Winry slapped him weakly once more before giving into her tears and broke down loudly. She had come all this way for nothing; he had finally returned to her, after all these years, and now that he had come home, he was leaving again. Edward slowly opened his eyes. He watched her bring her hands to her face, covering it and muffling her sobs slightly. His heart went out to her; he had never seen her so distraught before, perhaps once ? but that had been when ? her grandmother had received the letter containing the message of her parents? death during the Ishbal War.

Mere memories, memories that twisted the knife she had stabbed into his heart, made his stomach turn.

Gradually he eased off of her, and sat on the edge of the bed. The linoleum tiles were cool beneath his feet. Winry turned her back to him, curling into a ball. Edward swallowed back the tears threatening to fall, getting off the bed. He wiped furiously at his eyes, making his way to the window, and stood leaning against the windowsill in his boxers, arms folded over his chest.

?You have every right to be upset with me,? he murmured after a moment of silence. He kept his back to her.

?You?re damned right I do.? Winry slowly uncurled, sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to him. She grabbed her brush from the sheets, shoving it into her bag and, snapping it shut, headed for the door. She tried not to pause; she needed to think, she needed to be away from him. He was distracting, damn was he ever; just dressed in a pair of boxers, standing in front of the window, his nearly naked body bathed in the sunlight.

She cursed herself as she paused before the door.

?You?re heartless, Edward Elric. You?re as cold as the auto-mail I personally attached to your body.? Her voice was bitter; she had every right to be. Her fingers touched the doorknob, clutched and twisted slowly. ?You have no feelings, and you?re totally insensitive to mine, if not everyone else?s! You shouldn?t have come back. Maybe ? m-maybe it would be best if you did go back to wherever the hell you had come from.? Again she paused, the door opened somewhat. The inner-battle she fought with herself was making her nauseous; she wanted to walk away, but ? she couldn?t, not from him, never from him. ?You were right ? something bad did happen to me; you came back. And that was enough.?

She pulled the door open, stepping through the doorway. There was a sharp sound of skin slapping against something. The ground trembled and shifted, rippling as a surge of energy shot forward like a worm digging through dirt. The moment she went to step out into the hallway, the floor opened up under her feet. For the briefest of moments, as she panicked, dropping her bags, she thought it was going to swallow her, but that fear was erased as it seemed to bubble, thick mutated tendrils shooting up before her eyes to then wrap around her waist and legs. She was lifted her off the ground completely and dragged back into the room. Winry squirmed, using her nails to claw at the thick bands around her waist, but it was useless. Edward strode forward; now he wanted to hit her, regardless of whether he deserved her stark remarks or not.

He slammed the door shut, the doorknob rattling in the wood. Winry almost shrank away from the dark, dangerous look burning deep in his golden eyes as he whirled on her. ?Let?s get one thing straight: I had no intention on returning.?

?Yet here you are,? she retorted angrily.

?Drop the bullshit, Winry,? he practically snarled, frustrated. Edward ran his fingers through his hair, shoving it back over his shoulders and sighed heavily.

She looked away.

?I?ll say it again: I had no intention on returning. It wasn?t by choice regardless of how much hoping I had done for the past five years.?

Her voice was quiet. ?Have you forgotten??

Edward almost scowled, looking at her. ?Forgotten what??

?What you do have here, Ed.?

?I know what I have her??

?But it?s not what you want ? is it??

It was his turn to look away. Winry sighed, looking down. ?Let me down,? she said, her heart in her throat. ?I know when I?m not wanted. Or needed,? she added, trying to keep the bitter tone out of her voice as it shook.

Edward shook his head. ?I ? I don?t want to let you go.?

?Well it?s just a little too late for that, isn?t it, Edward Elric?? The anger was back, and she wanted nothing more then to lash out physically once again until he understood the hurt that consumed her. She continued, feeling somewhat satisfied as he flinched visibly. ?You let me go the moment you said you had nothing left here; you were right, you don?t. Let me down and I?ll leave. And then you can back to ? to there, where obviously you do have something.?

Without a word he moved to the window. The birds had gone and the sun had risen past noon point. Furiously, in the back of his mind, he damned his father. It had been his fault; if Hohenhiem had not decided to use alchemy as a means to transfer his soul to all those past bodies, he?d never have met his mother, and none of this mess would?ve happened in the first place. He clenched his right hand into a fist, but held back the urge to punch the window frame. Winry struggled, trying to move her legs against the thick tendrils wrapped around them, her hands clawing at the linoleum wrapped around her waist.

?It?s useless, so you might as well stop before you get ahead of yourself,? he called over, gazing out onto the hospital grounds. He watched as a nurse crouched in front of an old woman sitting in a wheelchair, a thick blanket draped over her legs. From what he was able to see, the nurse had picked something up off the ground that the old woman had dropped; he closed his eyes against the assaulting memories, flexing his left hand at his side.

Winry renewed her efforts, pushing against the linoleum while trying to pull herself out of it, but it was all in vain. She sucked in sharply at the pain that stabbed through her stomach as her hand slipped off and she lost her balance, falling forward into the linoleum. Edward turned to look over and frowned. Quickly he moved to her, sighing inwardly as she began to cry, her hand pressed to her stomach. Standing in front of her, he quietly tapped his hands together and then touched them to the linoleum. The mutated tiles slowly slid off her like water, dropping back into the floor, lowering her until her feet touched. He gathered her in his arms, pulling her into him. Winry bit back a sob, pushing away the moment his arms encircled her, but he held on tight.

?Don?t fight me, please,? he asked softly into her hair.

?You don?t want me,? she sobbed into his chest, sliding her arms around him as best as she could. Edward tightened his hold on her, burying his face further into her hair in an attempt to hold in his tears. Bringing up a hand, he thread his fingers through the hair at the back of her neck, fisting it, holding her face to his chest.

?I?m sorry,? he whispered in a broken voice. ?I?m so sorry.?

Winry lifted her head, but kept her eyes downcast.

?I ? didn?t want to come back; I didn?t want to hurt yo??

Winry reached up, lifting her face at the same time. Her fingers wove through the strands hanging around his cheeks and she roughly pulled his head down. Her lips met his, the rest of his sentence stifled, and she felt his fingers tighten in her hair, his arm pulling her closer. She felt the warm velvet touch of his tongue stroke along her bottom lip, and her lips parted in admittance, as she uncurled her fingers from his hair, smoothing it away from his face. Edward deepened the kiss slowly, taking his fingers out of her hair. His hands stroked up and down the sides of her body, and she shivered, pressing herself closer.

Seconds turned into minutes and before long, the two broke apart, fighting to catch their breath, their faces flushed, their bodies humming and eager for one another.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but Winry shook her head, pressing a finger to his lips. Stepping away slowly, her chin trembling, she moved back towards the door. ?If it has to be this way, then so be it. This is ? this is goodbye, Edward ? Elric. I hope that ? you are able to return to wherever it is you long to go. I?m sorry it had to be this way.? Her voice broke with the last words.

Kicking aside her fallen bag and purse, she whirled and ran from the room, a hand to her mouth.

Edward stared blankly at where she had last been standing. His eyes slowly lowered to the ground, and before turning back to the window, he whispered,? So am I, Winry. So am I??

[Mellie]

*gasphorrorshock!!*

My hand flew to my mouth as I finished this amazing story! It was so angst filled that it broke my heart at times to read the pain. And the teases or romance you had in there was just wonderful! It made the pain even worse when it did come! I absolutely loved the ending. For some odd reason, it was the best ending this story could have and it made me squee all the more!

And Winry was very well portrayed. I haven't read many fics from her pov (maybe I should go to ff.net...*shudders*). It was an excellent read and I love how you assimilated alchemy into it. Wonderfully constructed, onee-chan! It was absolutely splendid in all its emotions! You do so well with the interactions of them and tie them into the workings of the emotions!


And you mentioned ROY! :evil: Mine! *grabs him and drags him off to...somewhere*

[bookworm]

Very angsty. Yes, it was.

I was thinking: does Ed had a girl in the other world? It could be construed like that or something. And of course, the ending...makes me hesitant that it might be true. Nothing against it, but I want FMA to have a better ending, even if the hints of Ed/Winry is subtle.

But damn, I feel bad for the two of them. Very bad for them.

[LilTrix]

I cried alittle at the end of this. Ed and Winry are so tragic and my heart aches for the both of them. I haven't seen all of FMA, but I have read some of the episode summaries so I have an idea of how it ends. *cries harder* I...really loved this fic. Thanks Leia

If anyone can tell me where I can find the complete anime of FMA I'd be grateful.

[Leia Avenrose]

First off, thank you both for your review.

So then, bookworm ... how do you mean Ed HAD a girl in the other world? Had ... well, if you mean in my story, WHICH is quite connected with the original series, but still. If you're talking about my story ... and you mean Ed being a girl in this other world, then no.. although if you mean he has a baby girl in the other world; I won't say a thing.

And the ending of FMA was quite good; it left so many things open. That's where the movie comes in and fills in all those holes that were left behind. So excited I am!

Shame FMA was rated for ages 14-16 and higher... shame there wasn't any ... mmm, kissing.

*fades away with a naughty cackling*

[ice princess]

I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea about this "other world" thing. I am utterly confused as to where this is supposed to be taking place. Strangely, that didn't stop me from becoming enraptured with this emotional story. For what it was - in my oblivious world, it's pure fiction until I see more of the series - it was breathtaking!

Now that I'm both flabbergasted and enthralled, I...NeEd more FmA!!!!

~ice princess

[Leia Avenrose]

Ice Princess, LilTrix: I have FMA on DVD and on cd. I know of another who has it! *gestures Mellie with a smile* If either of you has MSN messenger? *ahem...*

Box Torrents is another place I know of which supply ... MANY things. All anime and the such. mwuahahah!

Thank you all for your reviews. I'm really glad you all enjoyed it! I'm rather amazed neither of you screamed "MORE MORE MORE MORE SEQUEL!" IF there is a sequel, my lips are zipped shut!

[bookworm]

Read my previous response, and I was like this --> :x

What I meant was did Ed have a girlfriend/wife/etc. at the other world in your fic. Now I don't know about the anime or manga, but your fic brought that in mind. Since you are not saying, I'm not going to mull (if that is the spelling of that word) over it. Don't want to get depressed enough about the anime/manga ending as it is. The wait is excrutiating.

Ah, spelling sucks.

[Caliborn]

But . . .But you can't leave it like that! That's just too sad!

Well, the ending fits really well with the story, even though it is heartbreaking . . . The whole thing was so filled with emotion and angst it almost made me want to cry. Poor Winry . . . And -why- can't Ed just get over it and be with her, anyway?

...I have a feeling the answer to that question lies in future episodes of FMA. *pause.* Man, I wish I had someway to see the whole series sooner, but all I have is CN. I'm absolutely obsessed, though . . .

And even though I was a little lost at times . . . this fic was really good. Your portrayal of an older Ed seemed perfect, especially considering his brother died . . . the whole thing was just heartbreaking. I kept holding my breath, hoping that something would break and things could get healed between those two, but . . . in the end, she left him, and he let her go.

Did I see hints of a sequel, though? *Raises eyebrows* I hope so! But, I love happy endings . . . or at least some sense of closure for both parties . . . please do continue, though, if you intend to!

[Kuroi Ruy]

O.o Loved it!