Autumn Leaving 2/?
Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2002 8:45 pm
I hope this continues to puzzle you!
For the girls of the Heero and Relena Mailing List! I love you!
?Heero??
It wasn?t his name but he felt the immediate need to respond to it, to find the owner of the musical voice that reached out to him, searching. He didn?t even know where he was but he was certain the answers would come if he could just find <i>her</i>.
?Here,? he replied, his voice coming out scratchy and hoarse. The moment the word left him, it echoed away on unseen wings and he found himself standing on a beach, staring out over the ocean. He frowned, trying to figure out what was happening to him. Where was he? He looked around, his cobalt eyes taking in every detail. He was barefoot, that simple fact throwing him off-balance. He never went anywhere barefoot. He was wearing different clothes, too. A pair of jeans and a white shirt, his Preventer uniform nowhere to be seen.
A wave reached his toes and he took a step back, the water cold. He couldn?t understand what was going on. He had been on his way home and then?
Then what?
He couldn?t remember. Something about a voice.
He swallowed, a bit unnerved and turned around to better get his bearings. And there it was. His house. Her house. The old Peacecraft mansion stood there regally, looking as if it had just been built. There was no condemned sign on the front door, no shattered windows. It was whole. It was perfect.
It was scaring him.
He wasn?t a man to be easily scared but the sight of it there, beautiful and pristine, sent chills up his spine. Something was wrong, very wrong. His house was old and this one was new. He shouldn?t be there. It shouldn?t be there. Something was wrong.
And he had to go in.
He wasn?t quite sure how he knew this, he just did. Just like he knew it belonged to her when he didn?t even know who <i>she</i> was. Someone was waiting for him inside and if he didn?t go in, something bad would happen. It was not anything that would affect the world, but it would affect his life. He would never learn the truth if he didn?t go in.
So, taking a deep breath, he walked up the hillside to the mansion, wishing for his shoes as he crossed the hot pavement of the road. He climbed the steps and stopped briefly to look up, his eyes taking in a sight that should have been impossible. As he did so, something flashed in one of the first floor windows, a pale face that was gone before he got an impression of anything else. He was being watched.
Clenching his jaw, he continued up to the front door, frowning again upon discovering that it was already open though it hadn?t been just a minute ago. He closed his eyes.
Everything seemed so unreal, as if he were caught in the moment between waking and dreaming. Things changed before his eyes, aligning themselves to his desires. He had wanted to go inside and the door lay waiting for him, welcoming him. It was beyond imagination.
He opened his eyes and went in.
The moment his bare foot stepped onto the lush carpet of the mansion, the floor disappeared. Everything went dark except for him. He was standing in the middle of a void, the white shirt he wore seemingly impossibly bright in the blackness. It was not cold there, though he thought it should be. There was nothing to hear, see, smell, taste or touch. He was utterly alone.
No.
There, only a few yards away. A woman.
She was blurry at first, like the hazy memories of childhood. As calm as a spring breeze, she moved towards him, the void rippling with her every step. The nearer she got to him, the more focused her image became until she stopped only four feet away, perfectly clear.
She was beautiful.
He didn?t think he had ever seen a woman as beautiful as she was.
Yes, you have.
No, he hadn?t, he was sure of it. Long, honey gold hair drifting around her shoulders in an unfelt wind, azure eyes like two pools of summer ocean water. A face so pure it almost hurt to look at it. A slim body clothed in a filmy white dress, her face as bare as his. There was only one word to describe a vision such as her.
Perfect.
?You came,? she said, and her voice tingled along his skin like kisses from songbirds. A melody for his ears alone. Her head tilted, waiting.
?Yes,? he replied, not knowing exactly how to respond. Her expression grew almost melancholy.
?It is good to see you again, Heero.? There was something in her tone this time, as if she expected something from him other than what he had given her. It hurt him, that he had unknowingly hurt her, and he didn?t know why.
?My name?s not Heero,? he said after a moment, watching her face. Realization seemed to fill her eyes and she turned to the side, showing him her profile, her head bowed. He had caused her pain again and he cursed himself, all the while questioning why he should care. He didn?t know what was happening or where he was, or who she was. He didn?t know anything, except he didn?t want to see her cry. Anything but that.
He had always hated to see her cry.
?What is your name then?? she questioned, her chime-like voice so quiet he could barely hear her. He breathed in deeply.
?Adin.?
A small smile curved her full lips and she looked over at him, a sweet look in her eyes, as if something had just been proven to her, unknowingly to him. He frowned slightly.
?Adin,? she repeated, and he felt an odd sort of sensation at the way she said his name. The touch of the void. ?It?s a beautiful name, it suits you, but then again, you?ve worn it before.?
His frown deepened. ?Before??
She turned fully towards him and took a step in his direction, the ripples spreading outward and gliding under his own feet. He couldn?t feel them. In seconds she was standing so close to him his muscles tensed, her breath mingling with his. She smelled like wind. Her turquoise eyes looked up into his, something jumping inside him as they did.
?Our lives stretch out behind us like so many paving stones on the way to self-discovery.? Her head tilted again, sunshine hair brushing his arm. Her voice wrapped around him. ?Each one leaving its mark on the soul.? Delicate fingers brushed over his chest, above his heart. His lungs could not contain enough air. ?I can read your soul, Adin. In this place, I can do many things.?
He almost couldn?t form the words. ?What do you see??
She leaned upward, standing slowly on tiptoe, her eyes closing even as she spoke. ?I see the other half of me.?
He didn?t realize he had shut his own eyes until her lips met his in gentle kiss and the world lurched around him. When he opened them again, the woman was standing yards away, as if she had never been near him, and he was standing on the beach again, the waves breaking close by, the mansion behind him. He blinked, trying to orient himself.
?You want to know why you?re here,? the woman said, her eyes locked on the waves. He looked over at her but she would not meet his intense gaze. Before he could answer her, she went on, ?We met on a beach like this once, not our first meeting, nor our last, but a good one. At least, it was looking back on it. You didn?t think so at first, that?s how it works sometimes, but I knew. I knew when I looked at you.?
He swallowed the obvious question. He wasn?t sure he was ready to know the answer. ?Why am I here??
She finally turned her head and met his gaze, her eyes no longer soft but strong and clear. ?I don?t know.? She paused, studying him. ?It?s not the right time yet, it?s why you don?t remember anything, but nothing happens without a reason. Everything will reveal itself.? She looked away again, suddenly.
?What?? he asked, more sharply than he intended.
?I missed you.?
He looked away. ?I don?t know you.?
Her eyes shut in pain. ?We were separated the last time, it happens to all soul mates at least once. You were born without me.? Tears glinted at the corners of her closed eyelids. ?It?s why you?re unhappy, Adin, why your life seems so meaningless.? She whirled suddenly, looking at him with eyes bright with sorrow. ?I would take your pain if I could, my love, in an instant, but I can?t! I?m here and you?re there, alive.? She trembled and he reined in the desire to run to her and hold her and tell her everything was alright.
Everything was not alright.
His voice was hoarse when he spoke. ?Who are you??
She sniffed, looking down at the sand beneath her feet. ?I?ve donned many names, as everyone does, but the last name I wore was Relena.? She looked up. ?Relena Peacecraft.?
It couldn?t be.
He struggled not to look back at the mansion. Her mansion, and briefly?
?his.
He shook the thought away. It wasn?t true. She was lying. He was having a dream, a hallucination brought on by stress. In moments, Lydia would shake him awake and tell him to get ready for work. He would have his life back, even if he didn?t want it. Anything was better than this?this?pain?
It captured him in a torrent, forcing him to his knees, hands clutching his head, eyes unseeing. The woman, Relena, screamed his name. No! It wasn?t his name, it was a dead man?s name, not his. Never his. And she was lying. Lying!
It stopped.
One moment he was in complete agony, the next it was gone as if he had only imagined it. And he was no longer on the beach. His blurry eyes showed him a field, a meadow, dotted with rainbow colored flowers. The breeze that tangled his hair was filled with petals.
?Hello, Heero.?
He jerked upright from his pain-induced crouch, his gaze settling on the only person who could have spoken. A man with platinum blonde hair and kind sea-green eyes, a small smile on his boyish face. Adin frowned. That name again.
?Who are you?? He seemed to be asking that a lot lately.
The man?s smile grew, lighting his whole face.
?Don?t you remember me, Heero? My name is Quatre.?
For the girls of the Heero and Relena Mailing List! I love you!
?Heero??
It wasn?t his name but he felt the immediate need to respond to it, to find the owner of the musical voice that reached out to him, searching. He didn?t even know where he was but he was certain the answers would come if he could just find <i>her</i>.
?Here,? he replied, his voice coming out scratchy and hoarse. The moment the word left him, it echoed away on unseen wings and he found himself standing on a beach, staring out over the ocean. He frowned, trying to figure out what was happening to him. Where was he? He looked around, his cobalt eyes taking in every detail. He was barefoot, that simple fact throwing him off-balance. He never went anywhere barefoot. He was wearing different clothes, too. A pair of jeans and a white shirt, his Preventer uniform nowhere to be seen.
A wave reached his toes and he took a step back, the water cold. He couldn?t understand what was going on. He had been on his way home and then?
Then what?
He couldn?t remember. Something about a voice.
He swallowed, a bit unnerved and turned around to better get his bearings. And there it was. His house. Her house. The old Peacecraft mansion stood there regally, looking as if it had just been built. There was no condemned sign on the front door, no shattered windows. It was whole. It was perfect.
It was scaring him.
He wasn?t a man to be easily scared but the sight of it there, beautiful and pristine, sent chills up his spine. Something was wrong, very wrong. His house was old and this one was new. He shouldn?t be there. It shouldn?t be there. Something was wrong.
And he had to go in.
He wasn?t quite sure how he knew this, he just did. Just like he knew it belonged to her when he didn?t even know who <i>she</i> was. Someone was waiting for him inside and if he didn?t go in, something bad would happen. It was not anything that would affect the world, but it would affect his life. He would never learn the truth if he didn?t go in.
So, taking a deep breath, he walked up the hillside to the mansion, wishing for his shoes as he crossed the hot pavement of the road. He climbed the steps and stopped briefly to look up, his eyes taking in a sight that should have been impossible. As he did so, something flashed in one of the first floor windows, a pale face that was gone before he got an impression of anything else. He was being watched.
Clenching his jaw, he continued up to the front door, frowning again upon discovering that it was already open though it hadn?t been just a minute ago. He closed his eyes.
Everything seemed so unreal, as if he were caught in the moment between waking and dreaming. Things changed before his eyes, aligning themselves to his desires. He had wanted to go inside and the door lay waiting for him, welcoming him. It was beyond imagination.
He opened his eyes and went in.
The moment his bare foot stepped onto the lush carpet of the mansion, the floor disappeared. Everything went dark except for him. He was standing in the middle of a void, the white shirt he wore seemingly impossibly bright in the blackness. It was not cold there, though he thought it should be. There was nothing to hear, see, smell, taste or touch. He was utterly alone.
No.
There, only a few yards away. A woman.
She was blurry at first, like the hazy memories of childhood. As calm as a spring breeze, she moved towards him, the void rippling with her every step. The nearer she got to him, the more focused her image became until she stopped only four feet away, perfectly clear.
She was beautiful.
He didn?t think he had ever seen a woman as beautiful as she was.
Yes, you have.
No, he hadn?t, he was sure of it. Long, honey gold hair drifting around her shoulders in an unfelt wind, azure eyes like two pools of summer ocean water. A face so pure it almost hurt to look at it. A slim body clothed in a filmy white dress, her face as bare as his. There was only one word to describe a vision such as her.
Perfect.
?You came,? she said, and her voice tingled along his skin like kisses from songbirds. A melody for his ears alone. Her head tilted, waiting.
?Yes,? he replied, not knowing exactly how to respond. Her expression grew almost melancholy.
?It is good to see you again, Heero.? There was something in her tone this time, as if she expected something from him other than what he had given her. It hurt him, that he had unknowingly hurt her, and he didn?t know why.
?My name?s not Heero,? he said after a moment, watching her face. Realization seemed to fill her eyes and she turned to the side, showing him her profile, her head bowed. He had caused her pain again and he cursed himself, all the while questioning why he should care. He didn?t know what was happening or where he was, or who she was. He didn?t know anything, except he didn?t want to see her cry. Anything but that.
He had always hated to see her cry.
?What is your name then?? she questioned, her chime-like voice so quiet he could barely hear her. He breathed in deeply.
?Adin.?
A small smile curved her full lips and she looked over at him, a sweet look in her eyes, as if something had just been proven to her, unknowingly to him. He frowned slightly.
?Adin,? she repeated, and he felt an odd sort of sensation at the way she said his name. The touch of the void. ?It?s a beautiful name, it suits you, but then again, you?ve worn it before.?
His frown deepened. ?Before??
She turned fully towards him and took a step in his direction, the ripples spreading outward and gliding under his own feet. He couldn?t feel them. In seconds she was standing so close to him his muscles tensed, her breath mingling with his. She smelled like wind. Her turquoise eyes looked up into his, something jumping inside him as they did.
?Our lives stretch out behind us like so many paving stones on the way to self-discovery.? Her head tilted again, sunshine hair brushing his arm. Her voice wrapped around him. ?Each one leaving its mark on the soul.? Delicate fingers brushed over his chest, above his heart. His lungs could not contain enough air. ?I can read your soul, Adin. In this place, I can do many things.?
He almost couldn?t form the words. ?What do you see??
She leaned upward, standing slowly on tiptoe, her eyes closing even as she spoke. ?I see the other half of me.?
He didn?t realize he had shut his own eyes until her lips met his in gentle kiss and the world lurched around him. When he opened them again, the woman was standing yards away, as if she had never been near him, and he was standing on the beach again, the waves breaking close by, the mansion behind him. He blinked, trying to orient himself.
?You want to know why you?re here,? the woman said, her eyes locked on the waves. He looked over at her but she would not meet his intense gaze. Before he could answer her, she went on, ?We met on a beach like this once, not our first meeting, nor our last, but a good one. At least, it was looking back on it. You didn?t think so at first, that?s how it works sometimes, but I knew. I knew when I looked at you.?
He swallowed the obvious question. He wasn?t sure he was ready to know the answer. ?Why am I here??
She finally turned her head and met his gaze, her eyes no longer soft but strong and clear. ?I don?t know.? She paused, studying him. ?It?s not the right time yet, it?s why you don?t remember anything, but nothing happens without a reason. Everything will reveal itself.? She looked away again, suddenly.
?What?? he asked, more sharply than he intended.
?I missed you.?
He looked away. ?I don?t know you.?
Her eyes shut in pain. ?We were separated the last time, it happens to all soul mates at least once. You were born without me.? Tears glinted at the corners of her closed eyelids. ?It?s why you?re unhappy, Adin, why your life seems so meaningless.? She whirled suddenly, looking at him with eyes bright with sorrow. ?I would take your pain if I could, my love, in an instant, but I can?t! I?m here and you?re there, alive.? She trembled and he reined in the desire to run to her and hold her and tell her everything was alright.
Everything was not alright.
His voice was hoarse when he spoke. ?Who are you??
She sniffed, looking down at the sand beneath her feet. ?I?ve donned many names, as everyone does, but the last name I wore was Relena.? She looked up. ?Relena Peacecraft.?
It couldn?t be.
He struggled not to look back at the mansion. Her mansion, and briefly?
?his.
He shook the thought away. It wasn?t true. She was lying. He was having a dream, a hallucination brought on by stress. In moments, Lydia would shake him awake and tell him to get ready for work. He would have his life back, even if he didn?t want it. Anything was better than this?this?pain?
It captured him in a torrent, forcing him to his knees, hands clutching his head, eyes unseeing. The woman, Relena, screamed his name. No! It wasn?t his name, it was a dead man?s name, not his. Never his. And she was lying. Lying!
It stopped.
One moment he was in complete agony, the next it was gone as if he had only imagined it. And he was no longer on the beach. His blurry eyes showed him a field, a meadow, dotted with rainbow colored flowers. The breeze that tangled his hair was filled with petals.
?Hello, Heero.?
He jerked upright from his pain-induced crouch, his gaze settling on the only person who could have spoken. A man with platinum blonde hair and kind sea-green eyes, a small smile on his boyish face. Adin frowned. That name again.
?Who are you?? He seemed to be asking that a lot lately.
The man?s smile grew, lighting his whole face.
?Don?t you remember me, Heero? My name is Quatre.?