Morning Epiphanies

[Jooles]

Title:Morning Epiphanies
Author: Jooles
Rating: PG-13...maybe?
Quick Summary: Short one-shot attempt at describing a morning with Heero and Relena. They may have each other, but that doesn't make life perfect, and that doesn't mean they won't worry about the future or their relationship.
Dedication: For Stefy, for Pout and especially for Zap.
Feedback: Give it to me baby. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Give it to me baby, uh-huh, uh huh!

Morning Epiphanies - by Jooles

It’s always been like this in the mornings. For Heero, he would later remember this period of their down time as being a little bubble of peace that they managed to slip through the gap in the many nets which bound them together, while at the same time kept them emblematically apart.
Heero would later think of this period of time as a little bubble of peace that for some reason managed to slip through a gap in the many nets which bound them together, and at the same time kept them apart. In the early days they would lie against each other without fear of what the future for them held, remaining entangled across the quiescent cotton sheets.

The brief period of time between dawn and rising was always spent like this. They indulged one another with the small flirtations of fingers, for them at this stage a far superior act than sex. The simplicity that was bound up in touching one another was a marvel. It was new and it was different; it was strange and yet familiar; it was learning how to trust and trying to forget about the fear; it was consolidating and the synthesizing of the two; it was egregious, resplendent; it was heaven entwined in unfamiliar limbs yet similarly beating souls.

The calamities that both were aware were coming could be dealt with at some later, unspecified date. At that precise and treasured instant of time, they belonged solely to each other. Nothing else existed beyond the weft of their hands.

As the night faded into the dawn they ate breakfast together, the many maids and servants not being needed after Heero’s filching the rudiments of a meal were done while she slept peacefully unaware. Marmalades, butters, jams, bread were laden in his arms as he climbed between the cotton sheets one more. She would wake then, and in the interim that followed crumbs would trickle down, into the creases of the coverlet while they spread the bread with their fingertips; laughing quietly and chewing; their conversation always interspersed with lengthy and contemplative silences. In these long quiet stretches Heero would remark upon the way in which Relena’s thigh emerged from the coil of blankets; a pale and smooth contrast to the navy cotton of the sheets. He would contemplate the way in which his hand sloped across the inner surface of her arm, comfortably exerting a small amount of pressure, an acknowledgment, a remembrance.

Once Relena had commented: "You don’t talk much, do you," regarding Heero with the quirk of an eyebrow. "I feel as though I talk all the time, and you just sit there, and think. Isn’t it funny that I can’t remember a time when you’ve had plenty more to say to me than I to say to you..."

"I’ve said all I can possibly say," said Heero. "You expected more from me?"

"Not precisely," Relena countered, searching vainly for the right words she as a diplomat was meant to have up her sleeves. "What I’m trying to say, Heero, is that it isn’t meant to end when you say I love you. It’s supposed to be the beginning."

That, Heero thought privately, was debatable -- but he wisely chose not to argue the point. In a way, he understood what Relena was hinting at: the very fact of their relationship promised a
cornucopia of new, shared experiences, and a chance to unravel each others' pasts, in the manner of a story teller spinning a yarn. But what was there he didn't already know about Relena Peacecraft? Relena’s life had been documented in more newspapers, Time magazines and Sixty-Minute documentaries than Heero could count. The New York Times had a column dedicated to her exploits, and Relena herself had revealed what little escaped the journalist's beady eyes in the course of their first few days together. Dead parents, a legacy of fame and pain, a coterie of adoring people, and a talent at being diplomatic, not to mention lips that expertly pressed themselves over Heero’s own... If there was anything else that there was to know about Relena, Heero didn't intend to find out about it. Relena’s simplicity was the root of his charm; she was stoically unravelable. In the quietude of the morning room it was this fact that kept Heero enrapt, this thread of constancy in a world so filled with doubt.

This breed of unchangeability was, as Heero had so recently discovered, an intrinsic part of Relena. A less open minded observer might have put this staunch refusal to back down as a
mere display of childish obstinacy on Relena’s part, but Heero, his eyes rose-tinted, saw it as reliability, and, in a more immediate sense, security. He could not change Relena. He was unable to refute Relena’s convictions: he was powerless to stop Relena from loving him. No crime he could commit could stand against the tide of Relena’s absolute and unconditional faith in him.

"Do you think they know?" Relena often asked, perhaps recalling the intensity of the looks Heero would send her across the crowded parties. These glances would have been inscrutable to anyone else, but Relena, conscious of the subtext, became uncomfortable during and after them. A smirk in a meeting would have him fumbling with his silencer; a pursing of the lips at one of Relena’s many business dinners nearly sent her tripping over her feet. Don't look, her expression insisted at these times; Don't look, if you won't say it. (After their bubble of peace finally burst, Relena immediately had Heero transferred to another area of ‘guarding duty’, where meaningful glances and casual touches would be kept to a minimum.) In fact the clandestine nature of their relationship as a whole seemed to unnerve her; he might have felt safer, Heero sometimes thought, if the whole affair was out in the open. "Do you think they know?" she’d ask, the sigh in her voice betraying her request, and each time Heero shook his head.

"If they knew," he replied calmly, "we wouldn't be here."

"Surely you want to tell people, too," Relena murmured frankly. "Don't you get tired of the secrecy?"

"No. If I got tired of the secrecy, I'd stand to lose you." Heero took Relena’s chin in the palm of his hand, and leveled their eyes. "The world isn't a rose garden. Dogs eat dogs and history suggests that I’m not good with things being out in the open. Relena, -- there's a world out there waiting for you to fix its problems. It's bigger than you, and it's bigger than me, and if I'm pressed, I'm going to leave. Not because I'm a coward, but because there is no other way."

Relena made some thick disgruntled noise in the back of her throat, and detached herself; sunk deeper into the sheets. "So this is why you don't talk," she said shortly.

Heero shrugged. "I'm a realist," he said. "I'm not prey to your fantasies. Delightful as they may be."

"Delightful." Relena sounded unconvinced.

"Delightful," Heero echoed smartly, "but irrational. This, I'm afraid, is as good as it gets."

This was a debate they never tired of replaying: Relena offering new angles on the same situation, Heero easily countering them with all the stolid reason of a born fatalist. One morning,
however, as they argued across the sun-crossed sheets, Relena leant suddenly over and kissed Heero’s mouth closed before he could protest, captured both of Heero’s wrists between her
hands. "Don't struggle," she whispered into Heero’s ear. "You can have it your way. You nearly always do. But I want to hear you talk about it my way."

By chance or by design, Relena had latched onto the perfect way to allow Heero to safely indulge his fantasies. Almost immediately afterwards the dynamic of the morning room changed. Instead of trading guilty kisses and suffering Relena’s awkward, one-sided mongolism, they lay together and spoke of the lives they wished to lead, the worlds they dreamed of inhabiting. Castles rose from the earth of their imaginations; four poster beds lay at the edge of tropical lagoons; empty city streets, strung with Chinese lanterns, rung with the sound of their footsteps and laughter. On the deck of an ocean liner Relena fished while Heero sunned himself with the comics section of the local news; in a great banquet hall they drank fine wine and laughed at the
prospect of swing dancing; in a seedy dive on the outskirts of a crooked town Relena played cards while Heero sipped a beer, nails tapping to a soundtrack of unadulterated jazz.

One morning they visited a jungle and made soft and quiet love on a bed of palm leaves, then flew toward the strains of sunlight which slid through the canopy. They spent hours emulating the sounds of native birds and the lean, muscular menace of tigers; Heero ineffectively hiding his mirth as Relena crawled over his body, a deep purr resonating in the heaving movement of her chest. They did as they pleased, ate and drank what they desired, and returned to the comforting circle of each others' arms at the finish, breathless to begin again. In these magical, surreal realms, Heero was not a Yuy, and Relena was not a Peacecraft; instead they were two nameless lovers: they were I and You, Self and Self, Lover and Beloved.

It was during one such dreamy escapade that a realisation struck Heero. They had both been mistaken, he knew now. Love was neither end or a beginning, but instead a form of shared
perspective.

****

End

[blackrose]

This was sweet and sad and cute and angsty all at the same time. I thought it was remarkably well-done and realistic in a cynical way. Thanks for sharing this!

Love,
Rose

Who still feels sad for them, but at least Heero's getting nookie time.

[DefiantLover_Lyn]

Beautifully written. The right mix of romance, angst and drama.

[Melville's Best Friend]

That was insanely good. Wow. I just...don't even have words for this. Mayhaps I'll steal all that Rose said...she seems to be right on par.
That was probably the best fic I've ever read. Thank you so much for writing it. It was very beautiful.

Your *touched* friend,
Melville's Best Friend

[criminal wreckchords]

::huggles fic before slipping it into her pocket and casually trying to walk away::

jooles: ::glare of death:: and what do you think you're doing, missy?

criminal: eh heh heh ::sweatdrop:: well, you see...the thing about that is...::runs as fast as she can into the distance::

jooles: ::shakes her head:: Heero, take care of her.

Heero: ::head perks up:: you mean she's trying to steal a fic where both relena and i stay in character, and i get some? after all the angst she puts us through, she's trying to steal your great fic? she. must. pay.

criminal: ...

anyhoo, as you can tell, not only do i need to start drinking decaf before beddy bye time, but i really loved this fic. i'm usually pretty lazy when it comes to reviews, so the fact that i got off my bum to write this one is a reflection of what i think of your writing (moving past my lazyness that is, not my bum in general, btw).
hope to read more from you soon!

Criminal Wreckchords

[Kiyoko]

AW, I wanna cry! That was so touching! I loved the jungle part. I can't wait to read more fics like this. great job and please keep going.

[Kaili Charmer]

Wow...that was excellent. Deep, intriguing, and leaving the viewer breathless and content, the perfect type of short fic to read before bed.
~kai

[zapenstap]

Hey Jooles!

I know you're not in the fandom anymore, but I saw that you had posted this here (I think I R/R on the 1xR ML, didn't I?) and I read it again. T_T Heero! You fatalist!! I really like this one shot. I like the emotions that roll under the conversation in the detail. The way Heero looks at Relena's leg and arm and the way they think about things in particulars. And I'm so please that it was dedicated to me! T_T How touching! I'm immediately exposed to adore it! Jooles...! Come back to the fandom! And anyway, I'm taking a class in Australian Literature and Film and I could use your help, but that's not why i want you back. I just miss you! *cries*. Okay okay. Enough whining. I know you're busy. You might not even get this. But if you do, girl, just know that I love you ficlet and I miss your talent (and personality)! Just wanted to say so. ^^

-Zap

[Bella]

I love this story. It's really deep and something that you have to think when you read it. Not that you don't with others but this just shows it. Great job. I wish you would write more. I loved it.

[rina_craft]

instead they were two nameless lovers

nice touch. its makes both heero and relena seem extemely close to one another. its good they found a way to move on to the next level - hehehe... geat fic!