"Tadaima" chapter 4: Icha Icha Paradise

[ethereal-moonrain]

I had thought about dreaming—to relinquish all the pain and doubts. To let the madness of life take over me. But her heart is just wavering at this moment. And soon she'll disappear.

Ephemeral . . .


A feeling that is supposed to disappear. She had always been like the swift wind. To be felt, to be known that it is real, and yet---



It's a love that never was.


She'll be there, but never for him. A spring flower who belongs in winter's coldness—with solitude. There might be a long distance between those two seasons . . . but somehow he knows . . . that one point in time--- they'll still found each other . . . In a never-ending cycle of seasons.




--In each other's arms.



And he just hopes that before that time comes, he'll be able to contain himself. –Into loneliness once again . . . behind his mask, behind sharingan eye, behind his book, behind false paradise . . .


Copy-ninja-Kakashi.



He was on the verge of his sanity, as he sits on a chair in his apartment, his table in front, his book waiting to be open, and her wandering emerald eyes.


"Am I bothering you?" he could feel her movements on his bed, he knows her gaze passing through the two photos above the headboard of his bed.


"No"


"Are you mad at me? You know I didn't mean to break your window" she paused, thinking of a better explanation. "It's just that man downstairs who mention himself as the owner of this apartment, kept on bothering me with his stupid date offers so I—ugh thought I'll use the window but then when I knock-- I kind of hit it too hard and so—it's broken already the time you came. Don't worry I'll try fixing it, I think I have a spare glass window in my backyard I'll--"


"Don't worry I'll be able to do it on my own, its quite old anyway."


"But I--" He laid his hand down onto the top of the book, his back still facing her.




It had actually been a year already since she came back.


"Like I said, don't worry about it. After all, you're my favorite kunoichi (female ninja) student"


--Come back after searching for that Uchiha, A year since she became a mother.

"I'm the only female student you have." Sakura retorted. She sadly looks at the two picture inside two frames located on the headboard of his bed. One in which his former teammates are together with his younger self added by their own sensei, the fourth hokage.


. . .And the other one? It was a picture of them--- the four of them. She was smiling so beautifully back then, she tried to imitate the little girl's smile that was on the photo and found out she couldn't.


Suddenly, the atmosphere between them changes into a dreary, uncomfortable way.


"Look at me" she demanded, delicately removing the photo from its frame and chose to look at it a little more closely, wondering if the girl in the picture was still the same as the one who is holding it right now. "Look-at-me!" she demanded him once more.


Damn! Sakura and her mood swings.


But Kakashi remained seated quietly now beginning to open his precious book. He re-read the title of the first chapter and asked himself 'does Jiraya-sama has his new source of inspiration to write except peeking through ladies public bath?'


"Is that perverted book much more interesting than me?" her hair was slowly caressing her cheeks as the tingling afternoon air came in through the wide-open window. It was actually irritating to talk to a person who doesn't seem to listen, it appears like Kakashi has his own battle in mind as he further read the first chapter of his book—and hope Jiraya-sama didn't start to get inspiration through his number one reader which was actually him.


"Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!" she chanted continuously still not able to gain his attention.


For the first time he wanted to hate his favorite book. For the first time he found it saying the truths in his life . . .


-A girl student stuck in a woman's life- he read.

Even being called as one of the courageous and strong ninja of the village, Copy-ninja-Kakashi was scared on this very battle, and didn't dare to look at her.


But for so many experiences he had in combat, he knew and would always remember the treacherous smell of blood. Finally, for the first time in this unusual day he turns around and faces his own battle.


Her right hand was holding a piece of the broken glass window stained with her own blood, he stares at her left wrist bleeding continuously down, and down slowly pouring into the poor photograph, it streaked towards the girl's red dress in the picture, she was smiling so beautifully . . .


"What-is-wrong-with-you?" he asked as he grabbed her bleeding wrist only to wrapped it with a white handkerchief. And unfortunately for the photograph, the two was transported into their worlds leaving it to fly, and fly, carried by the wind outside, a poor forgotten photograph.


But if flesh would cease to wither

"Why don't you just look at me?" he had wrapped her around his large arms, burying her head into his chest. "Stop it" he mumbled, his chin on top of her head. "—of what I've become?"


And if beauty would not fade

He looked down at her face, his self-control slipping away. Slowly, even when he's still wearing his mask, he leaned down to make contact with her pink lips. Somehow, he cursed the cloth separating the dimensions of their lips. Somehow, he cursed --- the fourteen years of gap between them.


And if passion's fire would not burn out

Unconsciously, at the back of his mind he repeated the title of the first chapter---


"My sensei's in love with me"

My sensei—is in love with—me . . .


I would give my soul in trade . . .


I'd give my soul . . .



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"Tadaima"

by: ethereal-moonrain


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Chapter 4: Icha Icha Paradise (Come Come Paradise)

There is love that will last you forever

Love that will last you for your life

Love you should instantly sever

Love you should cling to with all your might

And love that fades away

Love that festers day by day

To a wretched state of decay


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There was no comfort now. Not here. Not like this.

"Why are you so--- annoying?" he whispered through hurting throat. His skin so much paler than ever, insomnia and constant skips of meal has finally taken its toll on him. "Sakura---if one time you had gathered all your wits to be strong just to search for me . . . then please be strong again, even for this time only, be strong and fight whatever you are to fight. Just—please—I want you to find me again, now that I'm sure I'll be able to let myself be found."

She said nothing in response. Anyone who had known her before all of this ordeal happened, anyone who had seen her open eyes, heard her voice, witnessed her beautiful smile would be miserable now. Like he was. Like her parents, like her best friend, like some annoying teammate, like her teacher, her friends, her animated suitors, her daughter, and Konohagure as a whole.

"Sakura, I'm sorry--"

It was late morning. There was nothing but thick clouds, no rain but gloomy. It had rained hard yesterday, and for the past few days too. He felt her fingers moved in the most slightly way between his large ones. The remaining shards of hope were beginning to rise up again, telling him it'll be all right after this.

But the next words between constant breathing of her struggling lungs said otherwise.

"Itachi . . ."

Sasuke stood from his sitting position, despite his wobbling legs. He felt so much like a fool. Sitting there miserably day and night, not being able to contain himself from staying beside her. No—he was more than a fool. Of every single time in a day since he found her there on the hospital bed did he not give himself a time to eat or even drink, even sleep was abandoned, just for her then – just this?

But then, when you look back at those years when they were all still younger, she had suffered more than he did even if he and Naruto or even Kakashi are always the one who received greater damage after battle, in a sense she was lonelier than them. Her wounds, much deeper, killing her inside out


Because he remembered all of the things she said to him. She does know what true loneliness is.


Sasuke, do you plan on being alone again?

Silence.

You were—the one who told me about the pain of loneliness.


It's alright if yesterday's gone



Right now, I feel that loneliness too.




It's okay it's all right





Even though I have family and friends,




There's no yesterday




But without Sasuke-kun in my life—


There's no promise back then





--to me—




There's nothing in there




To me . . .




Lets just find it here



I'll still be lonely as you are!




There's no yesterday. No promise. No paradise. But only you and me—and maybe it's enough . . .


Those were her words before. And he had been a fool not to acknowledge that back then. For he understood now somehow, about the loneliness she felt.

It is the pain that you feel when you are just beside the one you love and yet feel loneliness all the same.





With close eyes and clenched fist, he went outside the unfavorable hospital room. Not able to hear her next words clearly.

". . . I'll never forgive you . . ."


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She had always thought of herself being good at flower arrangement and or flower language. She felt angered not knowing which is best suited to her ever-so-hated best friend. For even rivalry could never take away something so precious, off course, rivalry could never take their friendship away.


The bells suddenly rang signaling someone entering the shop. She quickly turns to look at the direction of the door and faked a welcoming smile "Welcome to Yamanaka's—Oh! Shikamaru." The young man nodded, his shoulder slumped lazily with hands on his pockets.


"Been to the memorial again?" she asked trying to make herself busy arranging a new flower set. "Yeah—thanks for those flowers." He replied leaning his elbows into the counter looking down at the busy girl. Ino still notice the weary in his voice up until now. "If you'll ask me I still think junk food is better than flowers--"


"Well no one ask you!" Shikamaru retorted quickly, but then she was always use on being pampered and all, and it was so unusual of Shikamaru to shout at her, knowing HER, INO as in Ino. "Why I'm just stating my opinion here!" he shrugged and sighed dejectedly. He's too lazy to even bother starting a conversation let alone an argument. Especially her—


"A single field of daisies . . . do you know what it means?" she sighed changing the topic, as she leans her back into the chair to look at him, not really expecting an answer. "It means—I'll be thinking of you." He answered nonchalantly closing his hazy eyes.


"She used to give daisies to Sasuke-kun when he's at the hospital. I remember back then, we are planning to visit Sasuke-kun at the hospital after the elimination during the chuunin exam. I had chosen a rose and she daisies." She paused and smiled longingly at him. "That time I admitted to her that she's getting good at it . . . she use to know so little about it before." He furrowed his eyebrows and opens his eyes to gaze at hers.


"I heard she's awake now."

"Yeah—will you come too?"

"I have no choice anyway, you'll make me come no matter what."

A smile.

"I'm glad you know."


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He always says that he didn't want her in his life

"Are you feeling better now?" worried single eye. His hands were inside his pocket while standing at the side of her hospital bed.

He said he didn't care

"I had this dream---" unfocused emerald eyes glaring at the white ceiling. "That he was just beside me the whole time. He said he was sorry, he said that--- I was precious to him . . . He said things that I longed to hear before."

He said she was nothing to him


She smiled at the ceiling. Bittersweet love.


He said she was only blocking his way.


"I felt--- happiness." She averted her gaze from the ceiling to look at her side, to see him with his mask covering half of his face, with his konoha headband slanted covering his other eye. "—but he's not here. But somehow—but somehow—I felt glad." And tears. Bittersweet love.


He said . . . he promise---


"Kakashi-sensei . . . do you hate me?" he looked at her questioningly. She seated herself, looking so miserable. "Why would I be? You're my—favorite kunoichi student." He smiled. A lost paradise. Bittersweet love.


He'll protect her with all his life.


Uchiha Sasuke let himself slide down outside the door of the hospital room. Hearing all her soft whispers, and Kakashi's warm comforting voice. He knows well that the jounin inside that room is fully aware of his presence, of his weary soul.


And it was only this time did Kakashi understands it so well . . . That when Sasuke says he'll protect her, he actually meant it. Right now he really had confirmed that Uchiha Sasuke is a man who kept his words not that he had doubted it before. But only for that lone reason, for that one promise, he knows the boy couldn't stop hurting himself. That is why he let it become just a dream forever. For him, for her—for everyone else.


Because he said he'll protect her.


With all his life.



Because if the god of truth would be asked of whoever gives her most pain . . . It was no doubt--- him. The Uchiha survivor.

And if Haruno Sakura herself would be asked of whoever gives her most happiness . . . It was no doubt—him. The Uchiha prodigy.

And if Haruno Sakura would be asked again of whoever gives her most comfort . . . it was no doubt---him. The Konoha's infamous copy-ninja Kakashi.


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I heard she loved you, I heard she actually cared.

Tsunade couldn't help but to stare dumbly at the broken glasses on the floor drowned in water. Like a broken aquarium, with its fish gone.

Dan—what have I done?




"You revived a monster . . ." startled by the unknown deep voice, Tsunade readied herself, a kunai on her hand. "What's with the surprise face? Tsunade-san---I think you're getting old . . . way too old." The unidentified man chuckled lowly, his figure slowly appearing from the shadows.

"H-how did--"

"Come on Tsunade, it was you who resurrected me!"

"Oh my god . . . Sakura—so you're the one who attacked her!" she exclaimed already knowing who the man is. "Tsunade, Tsunade . . . this was your doing right? You were the one who resurrected me, and now you're acting 'clueless' what the hell is wrong with you?"


Yesterday's gone there's no return.


"This is not what I wanted. God—how can I go this far with my selfishness?" hands limply falling to her sides.


And she cries all night.


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[csmlee]

So many new information in this chapter...

Poor Kakashi-sensei. Methinks he needs to set his eyes on someone else other than Sakura. Falling for Sakura is like suicide because her life is so messed up already and he shouldn't be added on top of the mess.

And Sakura hates Itachi? Though of course, she has to hate Itachi, or at least not love him so Sasuke and Sakura can live their happily ever after!!!

Ethereal-Moonrain: *whacks Cheryl*
Cheryl: Oww! What was that for?
Ethereal-Moonrain: I'm just waking you up from your delusional dream.
Cheryl: What? What dream?
Ethereal-Moonrain: Didn't you READ this chapter? Sasuke and Sakura are going to get anything BUT a happily ever after ending now that he thinks she is pining after Itachi.
Cheryl: Things are going to work out in the end. Some higher being up there is going to fix everything.
Ethereal-Moonrain: You do realize I am the author of this fic.
Cheryl: *blinks* Are you trying to tell me you get to decide their fate?
Ethereal-Moonrain: *bangs head against monitor repeatedly*

And is that Orochimaru at the end talking to Tsunade? Oh wait, OMG OMG OMG! That's Itachi, isn't it? Tsunade revived Itachi and he attacked Sakura??? Ack! What happened? I thought he likes her!!! Where did the gentle Itachi-kun from chapter 1 go??? Or was he toying around with Sakura all along???

Wah!!! Next chapter please! *is dying to read more*