Purpose

[APerfectSoldier87]

AN: Another fic, I don?t know why I wrote this, Inspired by a simple plan song for some reason, as well as my own need for a sense of purpose.
Standard Disclaimer: Don?t own, don?t care if you sue, don?t own anything anyway.

These are my thought?s written down, before my wedding:

My life before her was that of a nomad, a wandering man moving from place to place. I had no one to care for, and vice versa, I never got to experience love until her, which is most likely why it took my till I was 26 to ask her to marry me. The years before Relena we?re my suicidal years, I never knew if I would survive a mission, or the after mission, when I took that gun in my hand, and checked the hollow point in the chamber. I could never do it, I wasn?t strong enough, not able to stop the killing by staying my own hand.

My training hadn?t instilled the greatest sense of security in me either. The constant loneliness even when surrounded by either a father figure of dozens of people, just waiting for you to make a mistake. Even sabotaging your every move to have an excuse to increase the difficulty of your life. I don?t know how I survived, maybe the drugs that were administered into my genes kept me alive. Death would have been a welcomed out at the time.

I?m so lucky, so incredibly thankful for whatever controls our life, because only fate could let me have her. Let me survive failed mission time and time again, just to be with her in the end. To survive the thousands that had died at my hand, others who actually deserved to live. Others whose lives were already made, with family and friends. I took it away, all of it, How can I deserve to live? What makes me holier than thou, in her eyes? How can she live with my sins? If not for her, I would have killed myself.

It seems a bit drastic, but she gave me a purpose. She gave me a reason to live, and she is my reason to live. Without her I would be an empty shell. The need to live for something other then one?s self is so strong, so powerful.

Chaos was what ruled my life. Even when I knew her I was consumed by it. Only when I was 18 did I realize that being around her caused my life to settle down, even if only for a moment. However before I had this realization I was consumed by the chaos of my own life. The after effects of the stimulants used to create a perfect soldier, as well as the pain of being useless and alone. Even Trowa knew of that pain, which is why he had chosen to stay with Cathy rather then be a Preventer. Loneliness killed.

Upon finding, guarding, and wooing her my life settled. Thankfully life is calm now, it is how it should be. I no longer have to kill, my purpose has changed, mission, love her till I die.

[simmer]

Great job with this!

I bet introspective pieces are really hard to write, but you covered a lot about Heero's life and why he feels for Relena so much. I think love is one of the best reasons to live, especially when the feeling is returned. Isnt that why most of us like this site? closure/happy endings?
I sure do. So good job. Heero's definitely in the right frame of mind to get married

simmer

[Lady Casper]

Alright joe i must take the time and say this was pretty good. It had every bit of piece of heero like simmer said. Even with the cold hard exterior it still showed some feelings in a lonely way.

Nice job dough boy

[APerfectSoldier87]

why'd you call me dough boy, add that to the list of words you can't say to me.

List:
Joey
Kerry
Dough boy

[Egg Drop Soup]

Love it! Love it! Love it!

[Lady Casper]

why'd you call me dough boy, add that to the list of words you can't say to me.

List:
Joey
Kerry
Dough boy

Kerry? oh no your not...ugh joe. NO you can't be. Don't tell me your a pro-bush. Oy... :x

[APerfectSoldier87]

How could I not be Pro-Bush, I'm going to be a soldier, Why would I go with a guy who ran away from combat and who want's to ruin Special Operations, the very field I am going into.