What Ever Makes You Happy - Chapter Nine
Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2002 5:24 am
What Ever Makes You Happy
Nope… don’t own it… What? You’re surprised?
Chapter Nine
The steady hum of the janitor’s vacuum cleaner echoed through the semi-deserted boarding lounge, drowning out the steady babble of voices coming from the video screens. Shuttle port staff came and went as some began shifts and others finished them. A large display board flicked periodically through arrival and departure times. And in the middle of it all, oblivious to all that was happening around them, two people sat side by side, poised as if in standoff.
“What are you doing here Heero?”
He blinked at her, surprised by the hollow inflection of her tone.
“I could ask the same of you.”
Hilde glared at him, before turning in her seat slightly in an attempt to dismiss him. Retrieving the magazine on her lap she began to flip through it, almost tearing the pages as she tried to pretend Heero wasn’t there. Heero sighed. Well, he hadn’t exactly expected this to be easy. Reaching across, he grabbed the crumpling magazine and yanked it from her grasp.
“Hilde, I’m here to take you home.”
A lesser man would have yielded under the look of pure revulsion that Hilde bestowed. Fortunately, however, Heero was not a lesser man.
“Really,” Hilde spat, as she reached across to snatch back the tattered tabloid “And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”
Heero merely raised an eyebrow at her, watching her silently. Duo’s cap was still pulled down firmly over her brow and her complexion was pale and shadowed.
“You’re being a coward.”
He couldn’t possibly have chosen a better way to gain her attention. She exhaled sharply, her expression indignant and angry as she turned her flashing blue eyes on him.
“A coward! You, Heero Yuy, are hardly the one to talk. Or do I have to completely rehash your own relationship screw ups?”
Her heated words all but died on her lips as Heero simply stared back at her, his face impassive. She swallowed back against the tears she could feel building, desperate not to cry in front of him, anyone but him. She brushed a trembling hand across her face, frantically trying to collect herself.
“What are you doing here,” she croaked “He promised… he promised he would let me go.”
“He said he’d let you go, and he did. You never said anything about the rest of us.” Heero sighed, looking away from her. “He doesn’t know I’m here.”
Hilde blinked at him, confused by Heero’s admission.
“So Relena sent you?”
He shook his head slightly.
“I’m simply trying to return a favour.”
“A favour?” Hilde arched an eyebrow, her expression sceptical. “A favour to who?”
Heero shrugged slightly.
“I’m still making my mind up about that.”
They settled back into an uneasy silence. Scanning the surrounding area, Heero noticed a cafeteria, its’ garish menu boards boasting steaming coffee and home cooked pie. He glanced at Hilde’s brooding figure from the corner of his eye and weighed up his options. He wasn’t going to get anywhere just sitting like this. He needed to get her to less hostile grounds if these peace talks were going to succeed.
“Coffee.”
She looked at him as if he had grown another head. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat a little and indicating towards the coffee shop with a nod of his head. Hilde shrugged slightly, allowing herself to follow him, as he strode across the square, quietly astounded by the apparent surrealism of the encounter.
******
The young cashier’s eyelashes fluttered flirtatiously at Heero, as he placed his order, though her connotation was lost on him as he barely noticed her presence. He silently handed her payment, before moving towards their table, leaving behind a disappointed admirer. Hilde couldn’t help but grin. He was completely oblivious to his affect on the women around him, since in his mind none held a candle to Relena.
He slid into the seat opposite her, resting his elbows on the tabletop as he ran his hand through his tousled fringe. Hilde’s eyes widened as she watched him. Oh My God, she thought, the Infamous Heero Yuy is nervous. She gave her head a shake, wondering if perhaps her lack of sleep was causing hallucinations. About to say something, she paused as the aforementioned teenager delivered their coffee. A slice of apple pie was set before Hilde, and she shot Heero a questioning look. He shrugged.
“I figured you hadn’t eaten for a while.”
His tone was even, matter of fact, and matched the tenor she had come to expect from him. But there was an underlying concern, a kindness that she had heard Duo and Relena speak of often, but had yet to experience herself. She returned the gesture with a small smile, at a loss for words.
The air became thick with their silence, each seeming lost in their own thoughts. Hilde began to add milk and sugar to her drink with sharp, uneasy gestures. She swirled her spoon around the mug, mesmerised by the hollow clink of the metal as it clipped the ceramic edges. Once bored with this action, she laid the spoon across her saucer, and gazed restlessly at her unforeseen companion.
She noticed the way he now cradled his cup in his large hands, and it made her think of Duo. Heero’s fingers were longer, thinner, than Duo’s but they both had the same calloused pads. To look at Duo’s hands, it would be hard to imagine the tenderness they could bestow, to imagine that the same hands that could grip a weapon could also impart the gentlest caress. The heaviness in her heart returned tenfold, and she swallowed against the lump that was rising in her throat.
Struggling to contain herself, she glared at Heero, needing to vent her grief on someone.
“God Dammit Heero!” she sobbed, “What the Hell are you doing here?”
If she had expected any major response from him, she was to be sadly disappointed. He didn’t even blink, and simply took a long swallow of his black, unsweetened coffee. From the corner of her eye, she could see the curious cashier glancing in their direction as she hovered nearby, pretending to wipe down the already spotless bench tops.
“Running away isn’t going to help you, you know. The emptiness will just follow you, wherever you go.” He paused slightly, setting the mug back down before continuing softly, “I should know.”
Hilde blinked at him, stunned by his unexpected candour. She frowned, turning her gaze to the tabletop, as she found herself unable to bear Heero’s scrutiny.
“I’m not running away,” she protested softly, “I’m just doing what’s best for Duo.”
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
She gasped slightly, and her mind raced to think of some form of counter, despite the nagging realization that, deep down, she agreed with him. She clenched her jaw and glared at him, chastising her own weakness, determined not to back down. Her eyes narrowed, as she sought some stinging barb, some inflection that would make him go away.
“As stupid as sleeping with someone, telling them you love them and then leaving them for five years due to your own selfishness?”
He flinched slightly, and for a moment his even, controlled mask slipped.
“Yeah,” he replied, “Not quite that stupid, but pretty damned close.”
Hilde flushed, feeling foolish. Timidly, she picked up her fork and began to cut at the cooling pie. She wasn’t really hungry, but the action allowed her to turn her attention away from the sombre features of the man opposite her. Stabbing a square of crust, she dipped it in the melting ice cream that had been placed decoratively to the side of the dessert, before putting it into her mouth.
“Duo doesn’t deserve this, Hilde. You can’t just walk out of his life without giving him some form of explanation. He may come across as the loud mouthed, happy go lucky optimist but we both know he’s more complex than that. During and after the war, he could have very easily succumbed to his own darkness. But he met you, and you were his light. If you leave him, Hilde, it will destroy him.”
Hilde swallowed hard, the sweet tasting pastry leaving a sickly taste in her mouth. She chewed her lip, her expression sullen, as she processed Heero’s words.
“Duo’s strong, Heero. Stronger than you think. And you overestimate his feelings. He just needs time to move on, that’s all. In time, when he meets someone else and he has a family of his own, he’ll look back and thank me. I can’t let him give up what he truly wishes for in life for me. I could never forgive myself.”
Heero’s cynical stare bored into her, apparently unimpressed with her line of reasoning. She pursed her lips, glaring at him.
“Okay then, Heero. Tell me this. Why did you come back? You did a damned good disappearing act for a while there, and you could have remained that way… so why did you come back? If Trowa hadn’t started to get just a little close for comfort to Relena, would you have stayed away?”
Heero blinked at her, disconcerted as she turned the tables on him. He was quick to recover himself, however, and he gave her a level glare.
“Don’t try to change the subject, Hilde. What happened between Relena and myself has nothing to do with this.”
She frowned at him.
“Yes. Yes, it does. It has everything to do with it. Why should I listen to you, after what you did to her? How you hurt her? You’re being a hypocrite.”
“You should listen to me BECAUSE of how I hurt her. You’ve seen for yourself what can happen when you selfishly make choices for other people. I was lucky. I got to go back, repair the damage I had done. You need to do the same Hilde. While you still can.”
She dropped her fork onto her plate with a clatter, before pushing the food away with an expression of distaste. Her stomach clenched painfully and she felt a dull ache in her chest. Her throat felt tight with the effort of trying not to cry, and the next words to cross her lips came out in an almost feeble squeak.
“How can I go back, Heero? He will never forgive me.”
“He’ll forgive you. He loves you.” He gave an almost imperceptible grin, “Besides, if he doesn’t, I’ll just have to kill him.”
Hilde gave a short, gasping laugh at the somewhat glib remark. Her expression became serious again, however, at Heero’s soft proclamation.
“He loves you Hilde. Children, even marriage, are only one element of a relationship. And you’re both still young. You shouldn’t be so quick to give up hope.”
A refined voice resonated from the loud speakers, announcing that shuttle number 257 would be departing from dock 7 in one hour and that all passengers were advised to make their way through customs. Hilde froze, glanced nervously at Heero, fingers clutching the edge of her bag. He arched his eyebrow at her, his gaze questioning.
“Well?”
******
Quatre sighed slightly as he set another stack of paperwork aside. The files were the bane of his existence, but at least they were helping to pass the time. Looking across the room, he watched as Duo muttered in his sleep, one arm flung across his face while the other hung towards the floor. The couch did not appear the most comfortable of beds, but at least he had finally fallen asleep. Quatre frowned slightly however, as he doubted his friends’ dreams were permitting a great deal of rest.
A slight chiming from the ancient clock face indicated the turning of the hour. Quatre’s heart sank. The shuttle was scheduled to depart well over an hour ago, and there had still been no word from Heero. Sighing, he stood, stretching slightly as he moved to the kitchen for more tea. It was then that he heard the click of the front door, and a slight creak as it swung open.
Heero appeared weary, shoulders slumped and his face, as always, impassive. Quickly glancing to see that Duo had not yet woken, Quatre’s inquiry was whisper soft.
“What happened? Where is she?”
******
The soft caress had no place in such a miserable and haunting dream. It seemed to chase the darkness away, so feather-light, so loving. It drew him from his fitful slumber, and he teetered between sleep and wake, unsure from which realm the touch resided. His subconscious feared the loss of it.
It brushed against his forehead, smoothing his bangs, slow and reverent. The shadows and mist shrank back, vanished, and he allowed himself to be drawn to consciousness by an embrace only one individual could bestow.
He blinked slightly, his mind still hazy as he squinted against the artificial light of the room. Her expression was melancholy and apprehensive as she traced the lines of his face with her fingertips. Still half asleep, he wondered slightly at what could have made the apparition so unhappy.
“Hey Hil,” he mumbled, his throat dry “I had the worst dream.”
She nodded slightly; as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. His voice shook as he continued.
“I had a dream that you left me.”
******
Nope… don’t own it… What? You’re surprised?
Chapter Nine
The steady hum of the janitor’s vacuum cleaner echoed through the semi-deserted boarding lounge, drowning out the steady babble of voices coming from the video screens. Shuttle port staff came and went as some began shifts and others finished them. A large display board flicked periodically through arrival and departure times. And in the middle of it all, oblivious to all that was happening around them, two people sat side by side, poised as if in standoff.
“What are you doing here Heero?”
He blinked at her, surprised by the hollow inflection of her tone.
“I could ask the same of you.”
Hilde glared at him, before turning in her seat slightly in an attempt to dismiss him. Retrieving the magazine on her lap she began to flip through it, almost tearing the pages as she tried to pretend Heero wasn’t there. Heero sighed. Well, he hadn’t exactly expected this to be easy. Reaching across, he grabbed the crumpling magazine and yanked it from her grasp.
“Hilde, I’m here to take you home.”
A lesser man would have yielded under the look of pure revulsion that Hilde bestowed. Fortunately, however, Heero was not a lesser man.
“Really,” Hilde spat, as she reached across to snatch back the tattered tabloid “And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”
Heero merely raised an eyebrow at her, watching her silently. Duo’s cap was still pulled down firmly over her brow and her complexion was pale and shadowed.
“You’re being a coward.”
He couldn’t possibly have chosen a better way to gain her attention. She exhaled sharply, her expression indignant and angry as she turned her flashing blue eyes on him.
“A coward! You, Heero Yuy, are hardly the one to talk. Or do I have to completely rehash your own relationship screw ups?”
Her heated words all but died on her lips as Heero simply stared back at her, his face impassive. She swallowed back against the tears she could feel building, desperate not to cry in front of him, anyone but him. She brushed a trembling hand across her face, frantically trying to collect herself.
“What are you doing here,” she croaked “He promised… he promised he would let me go.”
“He said he’d let you go, and he did. You never said anything about the rest of us.” Heero sighed, looking away from her. “He doesn’t know I’m here.”
Hilde blinked at him, confused by Heero’s admission.
“So Relena sent you?”
He shook his head slightly.
“I’m simply trying to return a favour.”
“A favour?” Hilde arched an eyebrow, her expression sceptical. “A favour to who?”
Heero shrugged slightly.
“I’m still making my mind up about that.”
They settled back into an uneasy silence. Scanning the surrounding area, Heero noticed a cafeteria, its’ garish menu boards boasting steaming coffee and home cooked pie. He glanced at Hilde’s brooding figure from the corner of his eye and weighed up his options. He wasn’t going to get anywhere just sitting like this. He needed to get her to less hostile grounds if these peace talks were going to succeed.
“Coffee.”
She looked at him as if he had grown another head. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat a little and indicating towards the coffee shop with a nod of his head. Hilde shrugged slightly, allowing herself to follow him, as he strode across the square, quietly astounded by the apparent surrealism of the encounter.
******
The young cashier’s eyelashes fluttered flirtatiously at Heero, as he placed his order, though her connotation was lost on him as he barely noticed her presence. He silently handed her payment, before moving towards their table, leaving behind a disappointed admirer. Hilde couldn’t help but grin. He was completely oblivious to his affect on the women around him, since in his mind none held a candle to Relena.
He slid into the seat opposite her, resting his elbows on the tabletop as he ran his hand through his tousled fringe. Hilde’s eyes widened as she watched him. Oh My God, she thought, the Infamous Heero Yuy is nervous. She gave her head a shake, wondering if perhaps her lack of sleep was causing hallucinations. About to say something, she paused as the aforementioned teenager delivered their coffee. A slice of apple pie was set before Hilde, and she shot Heero a questioning look. He shrugged.
“I figured you hadn’t eaten for a while.”
His tone was even, matter of fact, and matched the tenor she had come to expect from him. But there was an underlying concern, a kindness that she had heard Duo and Relena speak of often, but had yet to experience herself. She returned the gesture with a small smile, at a loss for words.
The air became thick with their silence, each seeming lost in their own thoughts. Hilde began to add milk and sugar to her drink with sharp, uneasy gestures. She swirled her spoon around the mug, mesmerised by the hollow clink of the metal as it clipped the ceramic edges. Once bored with this action, she laid the spoon across her saucer, and gazed restlessly at her unforeseen companion.
She noticed the way he now cradled his cup in his large hands, and it made her think of Duo. Heero’s fingers were longer, thinner, than Duo’s but they both had the same calloused pads. To look at Duo’s hands, it would be hard to imagine the tenderness they could bestow, to imagine that the same hands that could grip a weapon could also impart the gentlest caress. The heaviness in her heart returned tenfold, and she swallowed against the lump that was rising in her throat.
Struggling to contain herself, she glared at Heero, needing to vent her grief on someone.
“God Dammit Heero!” she sobbed, “What the Hell are you doing here?”
If she had expected any major response from him, she was to be sadly disappointed. He didn’t even blink, and simply took a long swallow of his black, unsweetened coffee. From the corner of her eye, she could see the curious cashier glancing in their direction as she hovered nearby, pretending to wipe down the already spotless bench tops.
“Running away isn’t going to help you, you know. The emptiness will just follow you, wherever you go.” He paused slightly, setting the mug back down before continuing softly, “I should know.”
Hilde blinked at him, stunned by his unexpected candour. She frowned, turning her gaze to the tabletop, as she found herself unable to bear Heero’s scrutiny.
“I’m not running away,” she protested softly, “I’m just doing what’s best for Duo.”
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
She gasped slightly, and her mind raced to think of some form of counter, despite the nagging realization that, deep down, she agreed with him. She clenched her jaw and glared at him, chastising her own weakness, determined not to back down. Her eyes narrowed, as she sought some stinging barb, some inflection that would make him go away.
“As stupid as sleeping with someone, telling them you love them and then leaving them for five years due to your own selfishness?”
He flinched slightly, and for a moment his even, controlled mask slipped.
“Yeah,” he replied, “Not quite that stupid, but pretty damned close.”
Hilde flushed, feeling foolish. Timidly, she picked up her fork and began to cut at the cooling pie. She wasn’t really hungry, but the action allowed her to turn her attention away from the sombre features of the man opposite her. Stabbing a square of crust, she dipped it in the melting ice cream that had been placed decoratively to the side of the dessert, before putting it into her mouth.
“Duo doesn’t deserve this, Hilde. You can’t just walk out of his life without giving him some form of explanation. He may come across as the loud mouthed, happy go lucky optimist but we both know he’s more complex than that. During and after the war, he could have very easily succumbed to his own darkness. But he met you, and you were his light. If you leave him, Hilde, it will destroy him.”
Hilde swallowed hard, the sweet tasting pastry leaving a sickly taste in her mouth. She chewed her lip, her expression sullen, as she processed Heero’s words.
“Duo’s strong, Heero. Stronger than you think. And you overestimate his feelings. He just needs time to move on, that’s all. In time, when he meets someone else and he has a family of his own, he’ll look back and thank me. I can’t let him give up what he truly wishes for in life for me. I could never forgive myself.”
Heero’s cynical stare bored into her, apparently unimpressed with her line of reasoning. She pursed her lips, glaring at him.
“Okay then, Heero. Tell me this. Why did you come back? You did a damned good disappearing act for a while there, and you could have remained that way… so why did you come back? If Trowa hadn’t started to get just a little close for comfort to Relena, would you have stayed away?”
Heero blinked at her, disconcerted as she turned the tables on him. He was quick to recover himself, however, and he gave her a level glare.
“Don’t try to change the subject, Hilde. What happened between Relena and myself has nothing to do with this.”
She frowned at him.
“Yes. Yes, it does. It has everything to do with it. Why should I listen to you, after what you did to her? How you hurt her? You’re being a hypocrite.”
“You should listen to me BECAUSE of how I hurt her. You’ve seen for yourself what can happen when you selfishly make choices for other people. I was lucky. I got to go back, repair the damage I had done. You need to do the same Hilde. While you still can.”
She dropped her fork onto her plate with a clatter, before pushing the food away with an expression of distaste. Her stomach clenched painfully and she felt a dull ache in her chest. Her throat felt tight with the effort of trying not to cry, and the next words to cross her lips came out in an almost feeble squeak.
“How can I go back, Heero? He will never forgive me.”
“He’ll forgive you. He loves you.” He gave an almost imperceptible grin, “Besides, if he doesn’t, I’ll just have to kill him.”
Hilde gave a short, gasping laugh at the somewhat glib remark. Her expression became serious again, however, at Heero’s soft proclamation.
“He loves you Hilde. Children, even marriage, are only one element of a relationship. And you’re both still young. You shouldn’t be so quick to give up hope.”
A refined voice resonated from the loud speakers, announcing that shuttle number 257 would be departing from dock 7 in one hour and that all passengers were advised to make their way through customs. Hilde froze, glanced nervously at Heero, fingers clutching the edge of her bag. He arched his eyebrow at her, his gaze questioning.
“Well?”
******
Quatre sighed slightly as he set another stack of paperwork aside. The files were the bane of his existence, but at least they were helping to pass the time. Looking across the room, he watched as Duo muttered in his sleep, one arm flung across his face while the other hung towards the floor. The couch did not appear the most comfortable of beds, but at least he had finally fallen asleep. Quatre frowned slightly however, as he doubted his friends’ dreams were permitting a great deal of rest.
A slight chiming from the ancient clock face indicated the turning of the hour. Quatre’s heart sank. The shuttle was scheduled to depart well over an hour ago, and there had still been no word from Heero. Sighing, he stood, stretching slightly as he moved to the kitchen for more tea. It was then that he heard the click of the front door, and a slight creak as it swung open.
Heero appeared weary, shoulders slumped and his face, as always, impassive. Quickly glancing to see that Duo had not yet woken, Quatre’s inquiry was whisper soft.
“What happened? Where is she?”
******
The soft caress had no place in such a miserable and haunting dream. It seemed to chase the darkness away, so feather-light, so loving. It drew him from his fitful slumber, and he teetered between sleep and wake, unsure from which realm the touch resided. His subconscious feared the loss of it.
It brushed against his forehead, smoothing his bangs, slow and reverent. The shadows and mist shrank back, vanished, and he allowed himself to be drawn to consciousness by an embrace only one individual could bestow.
He blinked slightly, his mind still hazy as he squinted against the artificial light of the room. Her expression was melancholy and apprehensive as she traced the lines of his face with her fingertips. Still half asleep, he wondered slightly at what could have made the apparition so unhappy.
“Hey Hil,” he mumbled, his throat dry “I had the worst dream.”
She nodded slightly; as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. His voice shook as he continued.
“I had a dream that you left me.”
******
