Missing by a Mile chapter 24

[blackrose]

<P><b><center>Missing by a Mile</b></p><P>By the Black Rose</p></center><P>AN: Rated PG-13/R for references to prophylactics (and birth control) and S-E-X. Please be aware that this is adult humor, but nothing worse than what you would find in a PG-13 movie. Thanks so much for reading! Rose</p><P>Supplementary Author's Note: In order to complete a chapter 24 and have it to post, I cut the original content in half. I was faced with making you all wait probably another month or however long it took for me to complete the remaining scenes or find an end point and post what I had. I chose B. Thanks for understanding, even if I know sometimes many of you think I take way too long to get chapters out. And you're probably right. But I'm not going to give up on this story. I promise you all that much. Love, Rose</p><P>Chapter 24</p><P>While still on the business end of Pagan's gun, Heero stepped into the butler's personal quarters. The room was sparsely furnished but gave the impression that money wasn't the objection. A mahogany armoire stood along one wall, the intricate woodwork at least suggesting it was expensive. A matching table inlaid with gold lingered nearby. On its surface, lay a manila folder. The jacket was slim and to someone else - someone less suspicious by nature, or not 'invited' into the room at gunpoint - might have passed for innocuous.</p><P>"Have a seat, Master Yuy."</p><P>Heero hesitated. He glanced at the butler in the doorway out of the corner of his eye. <I>What kind of a shot is he from this distance?</I></p><P>"Now. If you please."</p><P>The Preventer remained standing.</p><P>"I may be old, Master Yuy, but I'm an excellent shot from only twenty paces. I had to protect Miss Relena during the war."</p><P>Heero sat and placed both hands on the surface, waiting for Pagan's next move.</p><P>The old man closed the door behind him and ventured into the room. He sat at the end of his bed; the gun trained on Heero never wavered.</p><P>"If you would be so kind as to open it."</p><P>Heero grit his teeth, but did as 'requested'. He peeled back the cover of the manila folder to reveal about half a dozen printed sheets of paper. A report of some kind. <I>Looks like a Preventer dossier.</I></p><P>It was. And its subject was the former Gundam pilot known as Heero Yuy. Behind the report were several photographs. Taken? He paused at the one of a blond woman draped over him in a manner that was far, far too friendly. Heero grimaced. He kept trying to forget that night.</p><P>"Find anything of interest, Master Yuy?"</p><P>He shut the folder. "Whoever took these and wrote up this report--"</p><P>"Did a good job, didn't they?" The old man's mouth twisted into a smirk. He actually had the nerve to smirk.</p><P>Heero shut his eyes and crossed his arms. "Hn."</p><P>"The young woman tells an interesting, if a bit tasteless story."</p><P>The Preventer's head snapped up.</p><P>The butler glanced at the ceiling "She's not one who, how shall I put it?" His eyes darted back down to match Yuy's stare. "Ah yes. She doesn't exactly answer to a higher moral purpose."</p><P>"As fascinating as this is, Relena and I had no relationship at the time. I don't see--"</p><P>"But of course you didn't." Pagan inhaled a deep breath. "And of course it's none of my business whether you've informed the future Misses Yuy of your past affairs."</p><P><I>Would she be angry? I assume she would?be?hurt.</I></p><P>The butler narrowed his gaze.</p><P>"You're right." Heero looked away. "It's none of your business."</p><P>Pagan chuckled. "As I thought."</p><P>Yuy traced the wood grain of the table with his eyes. <I>What would Relena say, if she knew? Has she ever--</I></p><P>"I'm sure it will come as no surprise to find out that Ms. Clarke has had several lovers."</p><P><I>How long is this going to go on? </I>Heero closed his eyes and clenched both fists on the table. He heard the click of the hammer being cocked on the revolver. The Preventer grit his teeth. In all of this, there was something Pagan wanted. He could humor the old man ? for Relena's sake ? but the clock was ticking.</p><P>"No. It doesn't."</p><P>"She's not always the most stringent about, ahem, contraceptives, either, I'm afraid."</p><P>Heero's blood froze in his veins. He opened his eyes and stared at the wall. The Preventer could have sworn the oak paneling moved. "Tell me this is a sick joke."</p><P>"I'm afraid it's not."</p><P>The bodyguard snarled at the old man. "There's no way?"</p><P>Pagan waved the gun. "Isn't there?"</p><P>"No." Heero gripped the edge of the table, and tried to remain in his seat. <I>I can kill him, hide the body. Relena would be sad for a while, but he's old. He can't live forever.</I></p><P>"Testing proved it wasn't yours, but she did have an abortion within a few months of your little?indiscretion."</p><P><I>The young, blond woman wrapped an arm around his shoulder and leaned close. The alcohol seemed to dull everything, which is why he drank it in the first place.</I></p><P><I>"I like you." Her voice sounded low and soft in his ear. "Don't you like me?" </I></p><P><I>No. This?was a mistake.</I></p><P>"If you were to suddenly become of public interest, she might be convinced to say it was your child."</p><P>Heero growled.</p><P>"We could, of course, pay her to keep quiet. But that makes you look all the more guilty if someone were to go digging."</p><P>Yuy pounded his fist on the table. "What do you want?"</p><P>"I want Miss Relena to be happy." The old butler relaxed the hammer and un-cocked the gun. "I want her happy and settled with a man worthy of her and who will take care of her until long after I'm gone."</p><P>"And I'm not capable of that?"</p><P>Pagan's eyes narrowed sharply. "You're capable, Master Yuy. But I'm not terribly interested in aptitude without application. You have done nothing to prove you would even try to do what I'm requesting." The butler waved the nose of the gun back and forth. "Your marriage proposals have been ill-conceived and poorly delivered."</p><P>Heero began to rise from his seat. Pagan quickly re-cocked the weapon and motioned him down.</p><P>"I'm not finished."</p><P>Yuy glowered at his captor.</p><P>"You disappeared completely for the better part of five years in which, by all accounts, you lived in glorified squalor. You have ten thousand dollars to your name in an account held and invested by Winner Corporation. No past. No present, save for your recent occupation of protection, and certainly, no future."</p><P>The pronouncement sat on Yuy's chest like a ten ton boulder squashing the life out of him.</p><P><I>No future?</I></p><P>He stood up.</p><P><I>No future?</I></p><P>Again, Pagan raised the gun.</p><P><I>"Heero, what do you see yourself doing in the future?"</I></p><P><I>He shrugged. </I></p><P><I>The moonlight gleamed in her eyes as she looked up at him. "Once you don't have to be my guard, I mean."</I></p><P><I>He didn't reply.</I></p><P><I>"You could do?so much. So much more than being a soldier or a bodyguard. I believe that."</I></p><P><I>"Hn."</I></p><P><I>"It's okay." She rose forward onto her knees and placed both hands on his lower thighs. "I don't exactly know whether I want to be in politics for the rest of my life, either."</I></p><P><I>That was a surprise. He glanced up and met her gaze. "You?don't?"</I></p><P><I>She shook her head. "No. I don't know what I want to do." She moved closer. "So, we can figure out our future together." </I></p><P>Heero leaned over the table and stared Pagan straight in the eye.</p><P><I>I have a future. </I></p><P><I>"We can figure it out together."</I></p><P>"The girl doesn't matter. You kept a copy of the blood tests proving it wasn't mine." Yuy straightened his stance. "Relena doesn't need to know about it, unless you think she would be interested in finding out her butler knew where I was those five years she was searching for me." He watched Pagan turn pale. Heero swallowed before continuing.</p><P>"I may not have a past, a present, or even a name to call my own. But I have a future -with Relena. I believe that."</p><P>Pagan stood from the bed, still aiming the gun. Heero smirked and pushed the tip aside.</p><P>"As for the gun, I suggest next time, you at least fill the chamber with blanks if you want your captive to believe it's loaded."</P><hr size=1 width=100%></p><P>Heero strode through the door and into the hallway to head back to Relena's room. Twenty minutes was definitely a delay, but shouldn't be long enough to jeopardize their night together. Of course, that was twenty minutes on top of the ten in the kitchen conversing with Zechs. But still, a half hour?</p><P>He took the steps two at a time. His destination grew closer with every breath. Relena was waiting for him behind that door. Relena, wearing something short and silky. Something that beckoned his hands to touch and?</p><P><I>"She's not always the most stringent about, ahem, contraceptives?"</I></p><P>The Preventer came to a screeching halt. SHIT. <I>I didn't even think about?about? </I></p><P>An image of a pregnant Relena supplanted the one of sexy, scantily clad Relena. Her bodyguard grimaced. <I>Maybe she's on the pill.</I> Heero put his foot up on the next step. <I>No, I'd know about it.</I> He stopped again.</p><P><I>Would she have condoms?</I> Her bodyguard frowned. <I>For WHOM?</I> He shook his head. <I>This is not within mission parameters.</I></p><P>He placed the other shoe up on the same step to lift himself closer to his goal. <I>Target in? </I></p><P><I>"If you were to suddenly become of public interest, she might be convinced to say it was your child?"</I></p><P><I>Child. Father.</I></p><P>Heero's foot slipped and he caught himself on the banister before he went completely backwards.</p><P><I>Who would have a condom? </I></p><P><I>Trowa. Not within immediate proximity.</I></p><P><I>Duo, maybe. Also, not within immediate proximity.</I></p><P><I>Pagan's out. He probably hasn't had sex in?Disengage train of thought.</I></p><P><I>Zechs. He's within efficient proximity. Could be sympathetic.</I></p><P>He turned and started back down the steps. Heero paused about three up from the bottom.</p><P><I>Knock knock.</I></p><P><I>Zechs answered the door. "What do you want, Yuy?"</I></p><P><I>"A condom so I don't knock up your sister."</I></p><P>Heero blinked at the image of death that appeared after that pronouncement. He couldn't help but wince as the make-believe Zechs delivered a vicious blow to the back of Heero's imaginary head.</p><P><I>Mission</I><I> failed.</I></p><P>The Preventer sat down at the foot of the stairs. <I>Relena</I><I>?</I> He glanced over his shoulder and up at the door to her room. Heero couldn't help remembering the feel of her body against his, the way she said his name when he kissed her neck? His body throbbed and he could feel some force beyond his control pulling him up to his feet and towards her room again.</p><P><I>Child.</I></p><P><I>Father.</I></p><P>The force let go and he sat down again with a thud. <I>Dammit</I><I>! How could I have been so careless? </I>The Preventer growled and shot to his feet. He would just go in there and tell her that they couldn't sleep together unless they had protection. There was no point in keeping her up all ni?</p><P>An unhealthy image of other ways he could keep her up all night did the tango in his mind. <I>"Heero?I want you."</I></p><P><I>Mmmmm, Releeeeena.</I></p><P>He quashed the thought.</p><P><I>I can't be irresponsible. Even if we're getting married. I'm not interested in being a father.</I></p><P>Heero continued to stomp up the stairs to her room. It would be another dozen or so cold showers, another mocking from Trowa, another scolding from Duo.</p><P><I>"I want to?Tonight. Please don't take long, but no matter what, if I fall asleep, wake me up. Promise me?"</I></p><P>Another broken promise to Relena. Heero sighed. He was going to go to a convenience store first thing in the morning, before their wedding, so nothing could stop?</p><P>He paused mid-stride. Despite the fact that he seemed to have been climbing for hours, he was only about halfway to the second floor. <I>Convenience store.</I></p><P><I>Now.</I></p><P>He whirled around and charged down the half flight of stairs. The bodyguard rounded the corner and sprinted for the door.</p><P><I>Mission</I><I> acknowledged.</I></P><hr size=1 width=100%></p><P>Noin sat on the edge of the cultured marble tub and spoke quietly into her cell phone. Her long nightgown hung to her ankles, but she held the edge around her knees. Her left hand toyed with the hem. "I've cleared her schedule for this weekend. It took some doing, but?"</p><P>"So we should begin our plan." Dorothy's voice sounded equally muffled and a little strained.</p><P>"I'm not sure." Noin glanced up at the door leading into the master bedroom. No sound came from the other side. "Zechs came in looking a little green." She shifted to where her back was against the cabinet wall. "He grumbled something about Heero, the foyer, and sex. I think Heero may have actually pulled this off."</p><P>Dorothy's high pitched laughter sounded and Noin held the phone away from her ear.</p><P>"My my, well, I suppose miracles do happen. Even to unworthy Gundam pilots."</p><P>Noin took a deep breath and turned back to stare at the bedroom door. "I think we should call it off, or at least wait to hear from Heero."</p><P>"Why don't you just ask your husband?"</p><P>Noin shook her head, then answered into the phone: "He's asleep."</p><P>"You could wake him up." Dorothy's voice held more than a hint of teasing.</p><P>She grimaced. "Would you want to wake up the man that probably just caught his former enemy seducing his sister?" Noin glanced down at nightgown; it had gotten twisted around her body when she changed positions, and now it was a bit tight on her neck. "I'm amazed that I'm not on the phone with the hospital, or being asked to donate blood for a transfusion." She lifted her butt off the marble and tried to fix her nightgown one-handed.</p><P>"Can they bleed to death from the loss of such a small appendage?"</p><P>Noin plopped back down at the edge of the tub. "When all the blood's already down there. Yes."</p><P>A peal of laughter echoed through the receiver. "Ah, that is true. Who knew the former masters of the universe could be brought down so easily?"</p><P>"Noin."</p><P>The sound of her name caused her heart to stop.</p><P>"Noin?" Her husband's voice sounded muffled through the door.</p><P>"I haveta go." Noin's heart decided to start beating again, and make up for the beats it lost by going straight to a gallop. <I>If he catches me on the phone, he's going to think I'm up to something. And it won't take him long to figure out what.</I></p><P>"Noin?" Zechs's voice grew louder.</p><P>Her hand shook; she opened her mouth to tell Dorothy goodbye, but her voice stuck in her throat.</p><P>"I understand. I'll inform the others they can take the weekend off. Pilot 01 was saved in the ta-da nick of time."</p><P>"Noin!"</p><P>She clicked the phone shut and managed to tuck it into the corner where the edge of the tub met with the carpet; not even a half second later, Zechs threw open the bathroom door.</p><P>"There you are." Her husband wore a sheepish expression; he reached up to rub his right eye with the back of his hand. It reminded Noin of a little boy waking from a nap.</p><P>She smiled. "You woke up."</p><P>"Yes." He scowled. "I was having a nightmare."</p><P>Noin's smile fell. She gained her feet in less than an instant and took a step towards him. "Not again. I thought?"</p><P>Zechs held up a hand. "It wasn't about the war. Those nightmares are over."</p><P>She let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. Noin moved across the room to embrace her husband. "I'm so glad, Zechs."</p><P>He tightened his arms around her. "Me, too, Noin." The former Oz lieutenant leaned down to give his wife a kiss. It was just a brief peck at first. Then his eyes darkened and he fit his mouth over hers in a way that made her forget how to breathe.</p><P>Noin melted into his embrace.</p><P>When the kiss ended, she got the rare pleasure of seeing his face break out in a wide grin. "That's better. Why can't I dream about that?"</p><P>She ran her hands over his pajama collar, and up to lock behind his head. "What did you dream about?"</p><P>Her husband's face darkened again. "I don't want to remember."</p><P>"Too late."</p><P>"Hn." Zechs growled.</p><P>"Oh come on, it was just a silly dream."</p><P>Zechs continued growling.</p><P>She stepped back and pushed on his shoulder. "Oh stop. Why did you come in here if you weren't going to tell me?"</p><P>It was there ? small, but unmistakable. His bottom lip protruded a fraction of an inch.</p><P>"You're pouting."</p><P>He pulled away, huffed, and crossed his arms. Noin was reminded of a third grader throwing a tantrum.</p><P>"I hate it. I hate him."</p><P>She rolled her eyes. "Heero again, dear?"</p><P>"Yes. That-that?"</p><P>Noin shook her head. "Future brother-in-law?"</p><P>Her husband turned and shot her a black look from over his shoulder. "I had the perfect opportunity to wring his neck?"</p><P>"Let it go, Zechs." She felt like shaking him. "She's been in love with him for so long. Be happy for her."</p><P>He turned to face his wife. "I was trying. I really was, Noin. But then?" He screwed up his face and looked away.</p><P>"Don't tell me, that was your nightmare?"</p><P>His eyes darted back to meet her gaze.</p><P>"The two of them getting married?"</p><P>Zechs glared at the floor. She could almost picture third grade Zechs scuffing his toe on the carpet after he got in a fight with his classmate ? a miniature version of Heero.</p><P>"Zechs?"</p><P>"It wasn't?" His voice came out sounding like a mumble.</p><P>"I didn't hear that." Noin stepped closer and cocked her head to try to hear.</p><P>"It wasn't that." Zechs's voice was still low and she was barely able to make out the words.</p><P>"What?"</p><P>"It wasn't that - them getting married."</p><P>Noin stood up straight and crossed her arms. "Oh?"</p><P>"No." He shook his head. "That would have been welcome."</p><P>"So?"</p><P>His complexion turned a dark red color and he squeezed his eyes shut like he was trying to block out a horrible image.</p><P>"I dreamt he got her pregnant."</p><P>Noin couldn't help it. She laughed.</p><P>"Not just pregnant. But?I had to listen to him get her pregnant. Like they were in the next room!"</p><P>That just made her laugh harder.</p><P>"I should never have to hear my sister?" He swallowed. "?moaning?especially?his name."</p><P>Noin tried to compose herself.</p><P>"It's not funny."</p><P>A giggle escaped her lips. "No. It's not." She finally won over the laughter. "It's absurd. She's old enough to make those choices."</p><P>Zechs threw his hands up in the air. "You don't understand."</p><P>"Okay. What don't I understand?"</p><P>"He?" Zechs's face drained of all its color.</p><P>"Heero."</p><P>Her husband shuddered and gave her a look. "Yes. Heero Yuy. Knocked on my door?"</p><P>Noin let out a heavy sigh. "Remember, this was a dream. He didn't actually?"</p><P>"KNOCKED on MY door and asked me?"</P><hr size=1 width=100%></p><P>Tires shrieked against the pavement. Heero steered the car into the parking lot of the E-Z Mart; smoke hissed from where the rubber attacked and was beaten by asphalt. The Preventer threw open the car door and practically leapt from the driver's seat. He marched up the sidewalk and into the fairly respectable looking E-Z Mart convenience store.</p><P>"Can I help you sir?" A teenaged punk from behind the counter asked. Dark curly hair covered his forehead and hung down over both ears. Heero didn't like the little smirk on the clerk's face. He ignored him and swept the room with his eyes.</p><P>A preliminary search came up empty.</p><P>"Condoms." He turned to glare at the clerk.</p><P>"We're outta them."</p><P>Heero spun on his heel and ran out the door. He wrenched open the car door and ducked inside. The Preventer started the vehicle and peeled out. He gunned the motor and flew into the street.</p><P><I>Next target in sight.</I></p><P>The Quick and Stick wasn't even a whole block away. Heero steered the car into a handicapped spot at the front of the store, and didn't even turn off the engine. He dashed into the building.</p><P>A pale, mousy-looking clerk with thick glasses glanced up from the register. He was thin with light colored hair and a stick-straight nose. "H-hello, sir, can I help?"</p><P>"Condoms. Now."</p><P>The little guy turned a dark shade of purple. "I-I-I.."</p><P>"Where are they?"</p><P>"I-I-I'm sorry. I c-can't help you." The mousy guy looked like he was shaking.</p><P>Heero growled. "Why not?"</p><P>"B-because we're out of them, sir." His hands shook on the top of the counter and he backed up a couple of steps. The kid looked terrified of something.</p><P>"W-we should h-have s-s-some more in on--"</p><P>The Preventer didn't wait to hear the rest of the clerk's babbling. He turned and rushed out to the waiting car. He jumped in and slammed the gear shift into reverse, then darted out into traffic.</p><P><I>Which store is next? The 24/7 is approximately three miles further down the road. It's on the left side of the street in a high traffic area.</I></p><P>The yellow stoplight caught his attention and Heero stomped on the accelerator. He soared through the light just as it turned red.</p><P><I>The Quick'n EZ is 11.2 miles in the same direction. </I></p><P>A car turned from a side street into Heero's lane. The Preventer swerved into the left-most lane and floored the accelerator pedal.</p><P><I>Do that many people need condoms on a Monday night? </I></p><P>He was coming up fast on a white pickup truck with no tailgate. The Preventer looked over his right shoulder before moving into the center lane. <I>Did they run out over the weekend?</I></p><P>He checked the clock. He'd been gone another seventeen minutes.</p><P>"Dammit!"</p><P>The 24/7 was just up ahead, but there was a full stack of oncoming cars waiting at the light. He jerked the wheel into the left-hand turn lane just as the traffic light turned red.</p><P>Eighteen minutes.</p><P>He didn't stop. There was a slight delay before the oncoming light changed, then the average amount of time it took a human to process the information and act. Heero stamped down on the gas. The light changed. Cars lurched off the white line painted on the concrete. Rubber screamed as he soared through the light, skidding across three lanes, and narrowly avoiding the far-side curb.</p><P>Horns blared from the oncoming traffic. He yanked the wheel to turn into the 24/7 parking lot; the car slid around the corner, kicking up gravel and a cloud of dust.</p><P>Heero said a small but silent prayer that this time?</p><P>He wouldn't come back empty-handed.</P>

[melrose_stormhaven]

AHAHAHA! Heero looking for condoms! And actually asking zechs for them! XD

Gods, that was fun. XD

[Morrighan]

I agree with melrose.... This whole thing is just priceless. So very Heero, yet extremely hilarious at the same time. At least he has the right idea this time....

[AngelOfDeath]

Oh man....

AOD: :evil: Why weren't you prepared for this eventuality? Weren't you thinking about having sex?

Heero: . . .

AOD: I see, you were thinking a little too much about having sex, and not much else. THAT was the problem. . .

Heero: -_____-

[Lei]

very nice. Poor Heero, being tortured so bad :3

Can't wait to see the next chapter!

[APerfectSoldier87]

Very nice, In fact I loved it. Just the conversation's alone were hilarious, but it went over the top of the imaginable funny line with asking Zechs.

It was funny, Perfect as usual.

[sweet_me_beajai]

oooooooooooh!!!!

*dances the-Black-Rose-posted-a-fic dance*


wow!!!! i'll be off to read this!!! just sooooo excited!!

oh, and please dont try and imagine that dance. *points up* it ain't pretty, trust me.

[Beer-monster]

Oh man that sucks, and he'd probably have to wait inb line at the shop with a bunch of stoners with the munchie trying to by 40 packs of doritoes but only one dip.




Not that I would know anything about that sort of situation or anything. Um.....

*runs away*

[Caliborn]

Oh my goodness! @.@ You posted! *Bounces happily* And what a chapter!

Poor Heero. ^_^ He has no idea how funny he is, does he? I hope he doesn't get in an accident! O.O

And Zech's nightmare . . .*Cracking up* Far, far too amusing. ^_^ And I loved the imagery of the lightening count being a three-year old boy . . . I can so picture that . . .

Anyway, great job, and now I'm impatient for the next installment!

[Stellar-Soldier]

Talkin' about a desparate Heero Yuy here... then again, he has been working so hard to get to this one point. *Sigh* Looks like the perfect soldier forgot an important tool for his mission.

"There's a 7-11 5 blocks down the road! Go Heero Go!"

-Stellar Soldier :o