Kites Without Strings - Part Four: Ease My Mind

[Gundam Girl]

Warnings: Depressing thoughts, violent instincts.

Note: Chapter title is from ?Call Me, Call Me,? by Yoko Kanno.

Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop and do not claim the characters, setting, or anything else of relevance as my own.

--- Kites Without Strings --- Part Four: Ease My Mind

Julia couldn?t stop shaking. And she hated that she couldn?t, that she couldn?t seem to get any kind of control over herself. As she sat in a table chair by the small window in her kitchen, she looked out at the Martian afternoon with eyes that were dull and sullen. With a mug of steaming coffee in her hand, clothed in a faded black sweat-suit, and hair tumbling in snarling tangles around her shoulders, it would seem to anyone that she wasn?t quite awake yet. But Julia was as alert as could be.

She couldn?t get it out of her mind. It had been three days since she?d seen Spike; three days since he had kissed her, since she had let him, and the taste of him was still terrorizing her, the scent of cigarette smoke and gun powder that he carried with him was still haunting her. It was like being a child and smelling your mother?s perfume or your father?s cologne, knowing you could wallow, dreamlike, in that smell and you would be forever pleased.

But, Julia reflected, she was all grown up. And her parents, now long dead, could never fill the void she felt every living instant. What she had felt kissing Spike?it was like a fire, alternating between blazing flames and peaceful embers. Heat and warmth in the same feel, desire and contentment in the same beat. But it had also felt like invisible restraints had snaked their way up and coiled around her, pulling her back; keeping her from what would finally make her happy.

Julia wrenched her eyes from the window and drank from her mug, not sorry when the coffee scalded her tongue. Easy, she told herself. That?s too deep.

When a cool hand pressed against her neck and contrasted with the burning in her throat, she had to force herself not to tighten up. The smell of clean soap and wet man signaled that Vicious had finished with his shower in her bathroom. Yesterday had been, as he had called it, a convenience, and he?d been able to stay the night.

He bent over and wrapped her arms around her and the chair. ?Someone?s thinking about serious matters,? said the diamond-scratcher voice.

Julia quickly pulled herself back into her daily charade, the role of the indifferent and amused syndicate princess. ?Serious matters?? She laughed and turned in his embrace, lips upturned. ?Me??

?Mm.? He kissed her and his lips were so cold it would seem as though he had bathed in ice. His fingers slipped into her matted hair. ?There?s a first time for everything.?

She kissed him back for an accurate three seconds, then stood up and moved the chair back to the table. Draining her coffee, she set the mug in the sink. ?You?ll be late,? she told him.

Vicious smirked. ?I?m never late.?

He never was, by whatever force he possessed. If he wanted to, he could find a way to spend at least thirty more minutes with her. Julia made herself smile. ?You will be today if you don?t head over there. I?ll be right behind you. I just need to make myself look some kind of presentable.?

?You look beautiful now. Maybe if you lost the sweatshirt.? He grinned at her responsive expression, teeth bared in a way that looked fierce rather than amused. ?Anyway, there?s a banquet tonight. You should come.?

Translated correctly, he was saying, I need you there to be the damsel next to the knight. Make me look good. Vicious thought no one could see his intention of rising even further up in the Red Dragon syndicate. Julia poked her hands in her pockets so he wouldn?t see her clench them. ?Of course I will. Only fools pass up free food.? And only fools ate it even though it was poisoned, Julia thought.

?Good. It?s at Cobra. I escort you there at nine.? Vicious stepped up to her and took her hands, reveled in the warmth of them. She was the only person, he thought, who had ever fully accepted a cold man like him. ?I?ll see you at work.? Leaning over, he kissed her forehead.

He made it sound so casual. Julia locked the door behind him and leaned against it. Like they were a pair of normal people, rather than members of the most dangerous syndicate in space. But they were far from normal.

And Julia was far from ready for the day. She glanced at her clock, registering that she needed to be out the door in about forty minutes so she would make the meeting today. Fortunately, it would just be a quick instruction enforcement for newer members, and Spike most likely wouldn?t be there. That saved her a lot of stress.

Stripping down and stepping into the shower, Julia wondered how Spike was doing. A calm, cool guy like that couldn?t possibly be as flustered as he?d seemed three nights ago.

---

Oh, yes he could. That?s what Spike would have said if a close buddy like Lin had voiced Julia?s thought.

If he hadn?t been able to get Julia completely off of his mind before, he couldn?t get her off at all now. Hormones, libido, temper, and ego all swirled through Spike like a badly-mixed cocktail. However, this was something he couldn?t just spit out and wash the taste of away with water.

If Spike haunted her, then Julia possessed him. He?d never felt this way about a woman before. In the past, a quick bout of sex or a long make-out session and heavy petting could usually fix the problem. And though Spike hadn?t gotten the chance to try either of those tactics on Julia, he was fairly certain that it wouldn?t help.

He wanted to know her. Badly. He wanted to know how her mind worked, what she thought about?anything?how she lived, how she wanted to live. What could have forced her to join the Red Dragons? And if she did it willingly what kind of woman did that?

Questions tackled him from all sides. Many, he knew, would never get answers to them. He could always ask, sometime when he and Julia were alone. But when the woman you were so fascinated with was the serious girlfriend of your best friend, you tended to naturally stay away from anything that could even risk leading to confrontation.

That was another thing. What drew Julia to Vicious? Spike winced as he continued to walk down the red-tinted sidewalks of Tharsus. That particularly phrasing didn?t sound very nice; many women were attracted to Vicious, of course. But just as many had seemed to be repelled by him. Vicious? nature was not that of a very warm, welcoming man. So how to Julia react to that? Was she one of those simple girls who thought she wanted a dangerous man? Or was she the kind that required a mean look to whoever she got involved with, playing off past experiences?

Those were definitely questions he had no right to be querying about. Why shouldn?t Julia enjoy Vicious? company? Why shouldn?t she even maybe fall in love with Vicious?

Spike kicked at a chunk of loose cement. Because she had been as needy for him and he had been for her three nights ago, that was why. Damn it.

Women like her; women that were different from other women were impossible to get away from. They intrigue, they inspire, and then they crush you. At least that?s how all the sob stories Spike heard at bars described their actions. And Julia was definitely a woman that was different from others.

She had this quality to her, Spike decided as he walked into the conference room to fulfill the order he?d been given the night before. A quality that had his curiosity blazing.

His stomach dropped when his eyes landed automatically on her. Why, oh why, he thought dramatically, did Shin ask me to do this for him? And a better question was why did he accept? He?d known very well that Julia would be here. She?d only been a syndicate member for a week and a half.

It was because Spike Spiegel could face his problems head on. He was no coward.

Julia turned her head from where she was sitting at the table. Her afternoon-blue eyes widened and stared at him as her face paled subtly.

Correction, Spike thought. He was definitely a coward. Deliberately forcing his garnet eyes away from hers, he took a seat that was far from hers. As soon as he had, the light chatter died and young, eager faced all were in his direction.

Not one for liking to be thought of as particularly important, Spike cleared his throat. ?Normally,? he said on a whim, ?people in this position are gonna tell you the gist of the Red Dragons in a very intricate, elegant way, and then they?re gonna tell you the same thing, except the second time they say it bluntly. If any of you end up working under me, Spike Spiegel, you?ll probably realize that I enjoy doing things somewhat differently from everyone else.? His eyes were drawn to Julia?s again. ?So here?s the blunt way first.? He looked at the young man beside him, then down the row of people across from him. ?If you betray this group, or if you give up on this group?? His eyebrows lowered seriously. ?We kill you.? He tried very hard to ignore the sharp gasps and ashen faces, but he knew he?d recall all of it for years to come. He never forgot any of the terror he saw in those who thought they were rising to the top of the city.

Taking a deep breath, he forced his mouth to smile. ?Now,? he said, chuckling to lighten the mood, ?here?s the intricate way.? He began the routine speech for newcomers, hating every syllable.

---

Popular talk was that Spike was always in control of every situation he was in. Not so, he had to admit when Julia followed him outside of the small building the Red Dragons kept as an all-purpose conference area. She had decided as well that she was no coward.

?Impressive? was all she said.

He smirked because he felt it would help his confidence level. ?It?s a rehearsed thing.?

?But of course, that doesn?t mean that the syndicate doesn?t mean every word.? She smiled, hoping it made her look more coolheaded than she felt. ?It?s not too hard to understand how organizations like this worked.?

?And you joined anyway.?

She wondered at his neutral tone. ?I did. Aren?t you going to ask me how come??

?That isn?t my business.? He jammed his hands into the pockets of his trench coat. It would be a cool night. ?It?s never anyone else?s business but your own for why you?d join a crime syndicate to live with bad-doers.?

?Hm.? It wasn?t an amused sound, just an acknowledging one. ?It is very personal, I suppose.?

Spike gave her a sideways glance. She looked too beautiful, and with her lips painted dark red, it was too easy to remember the?er?indulged weakness of three nights before. ?Are you going to the banquet at Cobra? I know lower officers don?t have to come.?

She nodded. ?Vicious has to be there. And I?? She fought not to frown as she pushed the words out. ?I want to be there with him.? When neither of them said anything, she asked back, ?So you will be there??

?I have to be there, too.?

?Right.? She bit her lip. ?Where are we walking, Spike??

Both of them stopped.

?Um,? Spike said. ?I?m not sure.? He looked around. They were on Marx street, about two blocks down from Annie?s shop. He grinned at the sordid scenario. ?We just kinda?walked.? Feeling suddenly lighter, he snorted lightly, then continued into a chuckle, then let out a full blown laugh.

Julia smiled as well and couldn?t stop her giggles. Even as they laughed together, it gave her a startling jolt that this man could so easily help her relax ? by doing nothing!

?Why don?t we go to Annie?s,? he suggested. ?We?ve got time to kill, right? You?re not meeting Vicious??

?Not until later. And I?d love to go to Annie?s.?

?Well then.? Pleased that they could breathe the same air without choking, he out an arm. She took it and off they went. ?You?ve never met her, have you??

?No, but I?ve heard a lot.? She grinned.

?Hearing isn?t good enough.? Several minutes later, the bell above the shop door jingled and Annie looked up from her small TV.

?Spike!? she exclaimed, rounding out from behind the counter. ?Come see me.?

Spike walked to her and wrapped his thin, long arms around her slightly bulky waist. ?Hi, Annie.?

?God, you look thinner every time I see you, kid.? Annie set her fists against her hips. ?Eating right, Spike??

?Have I ever skipped a meal?? Spike joked, his grin wide and tantalizing.

Julia mentally berated herself. Tantalizing? Oh, for God?s sake!

?Never in your life,? Annie agreed, giving out a full-bellied laugh. Her knowing eyes, with only a few wrinkles on the sides of them, moved past him to Julia. ?Hi,? she said bluntly.

Julia smiled. Though, as she?d seen, Annie?s shop carried everything from candy to porn to .44 shotguns, (and more, as a syndicate operative) the woman herself was likeable in an instant. ?Hello,? she said softly.

?Oh, that?s nothing,? Annie declared, pushing Spike out of the way and enfolding Julia in a hug just short of bear-like. ?When I welcome someone, I welcome them, honey.?

Julia didn?t know if the pressure on her spine forced her to or not, but she found herself hugging the elder lady back. ?I see,? she chuckled. They stepped back. ?I?m Julia Mandir.?

?Ahhhh,? Annie said wisely. ?Vicious?.?

Spike?s smile, which had grown impossibly bigger upon seeing Annie embrace Julia, faltered. It was a little awakening to hear Annie say it like that. Not ?Vicious? girlfriend? or even ?Vicious? friend,? just ?Vicious?.? As though Julia was something Vicious lawfully possessed.

Julia nodded, a bit disconcerted by the description herself. ?Yes, I? You know Vicious??

?More to say, Vicious knows me,? Annie told her. She tightened the brown bun at the back of her head. ?Everyone knows me.?

?I have to say,? Julia admitted. ?I?m glad I do. You?re a?? She stopped when Annie set a hand on her arm. A man and a little boy, father and son obviously, were just leaving the store.

?Come again!? Annie called as the bell jingled them out. She waited a beat while they walked away then turned back to the only two visitors in the otherwise empty store. ?Yes, dear,? she said, ?I supply the Red Dragons with whatever weapons they want. Much like Doohan supplies them with vehicles.?

?Doohan??

?She?s new,? Spike smiled. ?Great guy, Doohan.?

?I?ll say.? Annie grinned. ?Crazy loon, but great. Anyway, what?re you kids doing around here?? Her eyes were amused as she arched her brows at Spike. ??Causing trouble in my place of business??

?I?ve come to convince you to come away with me and have a mad affair.? Spike kissed her cheek.

?You don?t need an old lady for that,? she laughed. ?You could have enough with better-looking girls. Use that lyin? tongue o? yours on ?em.?

?So it?s working then??

?Not a chance, kiddo.? She patted his cheek. ?I know you too well.?

?Annie kinda raised me,? Spike informed Julia, who hung on every word. ?She?s a cradle-robber.?

?Paying debts to your father,? Annie objected.

Julia waited for either of them to explain that particular phrase, but neither did, and so she kept quiet. Families weren?t her business. And Spike and Annie were the best family she?d seen in a long time. ?You did a good job,? she said instead.

Annie had to smile. A syndicate woman who was with Vicious, who had enough sex appeal to lure the entire Italian mafia, was polite as well ? and sincere, it seemed. ?Thanks. It?s something I?ve always been sorta sensitive about, ya know??

?I?m sure.? Julia wished her mother had felt that way. But the Mandirs had never been what one could call a wholesome family. ?Well.? She met Spike?s eyes, and the breath backed up in her lungs. She coughed, forcing it out. Her expression never wavered. ?You must be proud.?

?As proud as the guardian of a hoodlum can be. Now,? Annie said decisively, ?I need to close up, and no doubt you?ve both got places to be that don?t include a boring old lady?s store. Julia,? she said, sticking out her hand, ?it was nice to meet you.?

?It was a pleasure.? Laughing, Julia shook her head and bent over, hugging the shorter women. ?Have a good night, Annie.?

??Night, hon. ?Night, Spike.?

??Night, Annie.? Spike followed Julia outside, feeling the blast of humid air. He was still a little dazed. Seeing Julia talk to Annie like that, so naturally, so kindly? It was like living in a really good dream.

A dream. Julia turned around, and he saw her soft eyes, shining sapphires discreet beneath a tumble of melted gold bangs. When he looked at her, he thought of dreams.

?It?s getting a little late,? she said suddenly, startling Spike out of his reverie. ?I should probably get home and start getting ready.?

?Me too.? He ran a hand through his frizzed hair. ?Do you want me to walk you??

She grinned. ?Ganymede casino, remember, Spike??

He scoffed. ?Right. Ganymede casino. I?ll see you later then.? With Vicious.

Her thought had been the same. ?All right. Bye for now.?

?For now,? he agreed. As they each turned and walked in separate directions, he told himself not to look back.

He did anyway, and saw her eyes staring back at him. He smirked. She smiled.

And both walked on, laughing. They were at ease.

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Hey, all, I know this chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but hopefully the next part will be up to the usual length. Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!