"Delicate--2"
Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 9:37 am
Sorry I posted it in the wrong showcase. Hopefully it'll be happier here in it's natural environment.
?Delicate: 2?
By
Daniele_Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standard disclaimer applies.
This story is something to show the sensitive side to Heero. Hopefully it?ll have worked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night had changed everything. She felt so dead inside, and her stomach churned groggily when she thought of anything. Tears clouded her eyes as she remembered how she had felt to be with child, and how it was torn from her in so little time. No one had known. Someone had watched her, it had to be that. A stranger, someone who was out to hurt her and the one she had protected inside her womb for mere weeks, had entered her home and hurt her. And she did nothing but bleed for him. Instead of protecting herself and her baby, she let someone take it away without fighting, without a struggle. If she hadn?t been so full of her thoughts it would?ve been obvious that there was someone in that room with her.
What hurt her most was the fact that she hadn?t told anyone, yet she was so happy to be with child, mind the morning sickness. She had fallen into a kind of maternal trance when by herself. She admired posters with mothers and children on them, gazed at photos of baby furniture when no one was watching?supposed to be, she corrected herself silently. She was content, all too comfortable, with the change.
Her hand went to her bandaged stomach, feeling a throbbing sensation as she applied a little pressure to it. She felt the stitches through the material and with each stroke she made gave her a small itch of pain. Her baby, gone. Killed by some stranger. She didn?t need a doctor to know the truth, nor did she need someone to tell her the other bad news she was waiting for. That she couldn?t bear a child ever again. She knew it was coming, anticipated the bitter words as they thought them. She knew it was what they were going to say, Heero or Duo or even some stranger for a doctor. Why hadn?t anyone come to see her to deliver the horrible news to her yet? She knew they were out there, biding their time. The baby was gone, and she would never be able to have the same comfort, the same warmth that came with nurturing touches and constant realization that there was a little someone resting inside of her womb, waiting and anticipating the real world she knew she?and perhaps Heero as well?could provide.
The pain was getting too hard to bear.
She realized she was still staring at the pink rose, and brought her hand up from her stomach to open, and then read, the note for what seemed like the fifteenth time. The petals were soft from underneath her fingertips, like fine silk, and she picked it up to rest it by her face, then read the note again. Relena, I love you and I?m sorry. HY.
He still loves me, her mind mused. Like she could forget those words leaving his lips before that night. It mattered not when he uttered them or if he ever would again. Those words had never left her since they were addressed to her. Her heart lightened at the thought of his declaration to her. He still loves me.
The baby was his. There were no others it could have been. First it had been simple: She invited him to stay with her in that large, too large for one person, suite on L3; he hadn?t said a word, but didn?t move otherwise; she kissed him gently, he kissed back; she led him into her room, he followed; sweet surrender, they made love most of the night. It had been the most intense event of her entire life. And nothing ruined her mood for the next four weeks.
Heero had avoided the confrontational situation, and was assigned elsewhere for a couple of weeks on a private matter by Une. It was her understanding that he hadn?t asked for it, but they thought it best to leave it between them. No one knew her secret, though. She needed to be sure, wanted to sort her feelings out about it. When she was planning on telling him was another thing. Noin never asked questions, though Relena knew she had been close to, and would?ve wanted nothing more than to splay her thoughts out over the table for her sister. Milliardo never made the connection, and Relena was sure that had been Noin?s doing. No one ever suspected.
Now everything was different, and she hadn?t even seen a single person to tell her the truth. Did no one want to see her in this state? It did hurt to move, but she was not dead, and even though she felt dead inside. She had wanted this baby, his baby. Knowing that Heero had a part in this made her feel so much better. She was sure he had his doubts about everything that had happened, and she had wanted to tell him so much. Her heart ached to tell him everything that had happened. The past four weeks had been bliss, but something was keeping her from telling him. Perhaps the looks of contentment they had shared had something to do with it. All she knew was that she wanted to speak with him now, not then.
What if he didn?t believe her? Could she convince him that there had been no one else, that there could never be anyone else? Could he learn to love her, knowing that she didn?t fight to save herself? The thought of his cold eyes at this time, staring through her hatefully, made the tears fall harder. When had she started to cry?
The white room was cold and unforgiving, which suited her reflections. There came a sound from across the room, and Relena jumped, hurrying to wipe her tears away. ?Relena, I?m coming in.? It was Heero. Her heart raced inside her ribcage and she tried to pinpoint the emotion she was feeling. Before she had the time she had taken advantage of earlier to figure this out, it was gone when the door opened, revealing a very calm-looking Heero Yuy. When he shut the door behind him, she knew he was being a bit too calm for her own benefit. ?How are you feeling?? Relena blinked very slightly and was thankful for the subtleness in his voice. But she knew she couldn?t run from the nagging feeling in her gut.
?I don?t know. Better than I was. Who did the surgery?? Heero seemed a little perturbed by her change of the subject, but decided to let it go. He walked toward her and sat down on the hospital bed, resting across from her with an air of tension.
?I started it, Sally finished it. We were lucky you made it to the emergency room.? Her hand wanted to reach out for his, but she knew his actions were reluctant. He wanted answers, and right now she needed to provide them, but her words needed to be thought out more carefully. ?I was?worried.? Okay, she thought. That was forced. If he was thinking about the baby or not, she needed to get it out into the open before they cracked.
?The baby was yours. If you ever had any doubts, please lay them to rest now.? Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but they had sunk in. His eyes seemed to soften in understanding and realization as she got the green light to come closer to him. A smile graced her lips as her hand touched his. ?As if I could keep from thinking about you with a piece of you inside of me.? Her eyes began to redden as her thoughts got the better of her. She made a promise to cry later in order to stop the tears, and her hopes were fulfilled. ?Sorry, I?m a little emotional right now. I was hoping no one would find out like this. I was,? she tried to arrange her body so she could move to sit up, but Heero?s hand on her shoulder stopped her.
?Don?t move or you?ll stretch the stitches.? He paused and waited for her to lie back again. She complied reluctantly. ?Why didn?t you tell anyone?? His hand came up to brush a stray hair to the side of her forehead. He hadn?t slept for awhile?since he had intercepted the emergency call the night before. And here he was at three in the afternoon when she finally woke up. Duo hadn?t tried to drill him for questions as he thought would happen. Apparently the thought of the physical state Relena was in made Duo reassert himself. Being in love himself he knew what he should and should not pry about. He should?ve noticed the signs first. The soda crackers, the sickness she claimed was just nerves but he ignored only because he trusted her judgment; they were all a fa?ade he hadn?t seen through, and he regretted the action.
?I was afraid of the reaction. You, Milliardo, Lucrezia, I didn?t want to keep anyone out. I was?? She dug in deep for the words to describe the feeling, but only found one. ??Scared. I was afraid of the reactions I would get. What if you hadn?t wanted the baby or didn?t want me because I would tie you down. If Milliardo had found out, he would?ve tried to kill you I just know, and--? She stopped when Heero?s finger touched her lips gently.
?You were afraid I wouldn?t love you anymore because you were pregnant?? She was unable to speak. She was afraid he would hate her. She feared his reaction, not anyone else?s; that is why she never told him. Why was it clear now and not earlier? He was so close now, his eyes mere inches from hers, and she saw his lips out of the corner of her eye. She was afraid he would become cold to her.
But his eyes were soft. They weren?t hateful as she had feared and it was at that point she understood that he was sad because she didn?t trust him enough to tell him. Saying nothing was the better choice at this point. He wanted to say something, but was holding back. Why wasn?t he saying anything? Was he afraid as well? Did she betray his trust beyond repair? Just the thought of him stepping away from her made her sick to her stomach. ?You should?ve told me, Relena. Telling me should?ve been your first priority. You let me believe nothing was wrong and I could?ve been there to protect you.? She craved his warmth as his finger came to rest beside her.
?I didn?t want to burden you with a life-changing choice. I know you understand this. ? Heero sighed. She wouldn?t make excuses for him. The truth fell out of her mouth like a second nature; she couldn?t lie to him. He deserved the truth from her because she wanted the same in return. It was out in the open now and she craved the pressure to tell the truth; it made her feel honest again. All of the pressure was releasing itself in the only way she knew how, and she was finally seeing clearly. He knew this, too.
He knew she loved to hear the truth, no matter how hurtful or beautiful, because she hated lies. She had lived for so long under the blanket of dishonesty that it had become her umbilicus. There were times, granted, when she wanted to hear the general story and nothing else, and she wouldn?t mind a few lies to cover a small story which needed no explanations. So he sighed, and caressed her cheek. He had been worried that the pain would go away, but it wouldn?t last forever. She knew what she had done. A few years ago he would?ve left her in the dark and walked away, but now he knew that would do more damage than necessary.
?Nevertheless you wouldn?t have been in that danger if it hadn?t been for me.?
??And the guilt trip was another thing that occurred to me. It wasn?t something I anticipated, the attack. How did they know, though? No one, not even you knew.? The door opened, as if on cue. In walked a dead man, someone who wasn?t supposed to live through the Eve Wars. How he ended up entering her room was beyond her, and her voice almost left her.
Doctor J.
?I can answer that one. No use letting Heero have the sole responsibility of telling you the news.? Her eye twitched involuntarily, but she remained silent, wary, as the man before her began his explanation. Did it matter how he got here or matter how Heero had come to contact him in a situation like this? Maybe it would later. In the meantime, she let him just be. ?First, I must deliver the news concerning your status.? Relena stared blankly at the man, waiting for the inevitable news she had been dreading since she had thought of it. Her hand was empty; Heero wasn?t used to public displays of affection. She understood, but that didn?t mean she wasn?t hurt. ?The offspring did not survive the attack. As for how they found out, well...did you take any pregnancy tests??
?I took three.?
?There you go--?
?There is no way anybody could have known. I determined the results at work. New trash compactors, remember?? Relena looked at Heero and after a moment, her eyes widened. She brought her hand up to cover her eyes as her face suddenly flushed red. Heero realized what she was thinking and a small blush reached his cheeks. Doctor J seemed surprised at the thought at first, but he smiled rather widely.
?Well, that should tell us how they base their conclusions unless it was obvious by observation alone?? Doctor J began to chuckle. This made Relena?s face redden even more. ?Interesting. You two must?ve put on quite a show.? When Relena?s silence became uncomfortable, Heero sent a glare to his former instructor.
?That?s enough.?
?I?m surprised that you two would allow your emotions to control your action, especially you, Heero.?
?I said that?s enough.?
?Very well. No mean to pry. Your personal business is your own, but never forget your purpose. This group is too dangerous to take lightly. The Peacecraft family, as you said, needs to be protected from being wiped out. The least you can do is keep your hormones in check until this is taken care of.? Heero was almost near seething when Doctor J finished that sentence. Relena?s hand rested on his arm, and her grip seemed to keep him in check, to the doctor?s surprise. ?I will need to speak to you as soon as possible on the matter, Heero.? Relena suddenly felt her face pale drastically as the man walked toward the door. She had to speak now or she?d fall apart on the spot.
?Doctor J, I want to know if I can still bear children.? Her heart clenched and her grip tightened on Heero?s arm. This was so important to her. She wouldn?t be able to go another minute without knowing this fact. It was inevitable that he would say no, but she didn?t want to go another minute. The man stopped as though trying to delay himself. Perhaps he wanted to make her squirm in her seat; it was working.
?Yes, you are able.? Relena stared quietly as if trying to register what he had said. After all the mental games she had played with herself, it was hard to believe that she was still able to bear children. ?Though, to bear any children from now on means you would have to be extremely careful during those nine months. One tumble to the ground at any stage could cause a miscarriage.? Her brow furrowed. It was still possible to have a child, but there was so much she couldn?t bear to happen if they tried again. She nodded in comprehension and swallowed her tears.
?I understand?thank you for telling me, Doctor J.?
?Don?t thank me just yet. I haven?t said anything you could appreciate yet.? And with that the man left the room as quietly as he entered. Relena only squeezed Heero?s arm harder and watched as he turned toward her. Tears began to stream down her face and he brushed them away without a second thought.
?Will we ever be happy again, Heero??
?Delicate: 2?
By
Daniele_Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standard disclaimer applies.
This story is something to show the sensitive side to Heero. Hopefully it?ll have worked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night had changed everything. She felt so dead inside, and her stomach churned groggily when she thought of anything. Tears clouded her eyes as she remembered how she had felt to be with child, and how it was torn from her in so little time. No one had known. Someone had watched her, it had to be that. A stranger, someone who was out to hurt her and the one she had protected inside her womb for mere weeks, had entered her home and hurt her. And she did nothing but bleed for him. Instead of protecting herself and her baby, she let someone take it away without fighting, without a struggle. If she hadn?t been so full of her thoughts it would?ve been obvious that there was someone in that room with her.
What hurt her most was the fact that she hadn?t told anyone, yet she was so happy to be with child, mind the morning sickness. She had fallen into a kind of maternal trance when by herself. She admired posters with mothers and children on them, gazed at photos of baby furniture when no one was watching?supposed to be, she corrected herself silently. She was content, all too comfortable, with the change.
Her hand went to her bandaged stomach, feeling a throbbing sensation as she applied a little pressure to it. She felt the stitches through the material and with each stroke she made gave her a small itch of pain. Her baby, gone. Killed by some stranger. She didn?t need a doctor to know the truth, nor did she need someone to tell her the other bad news she was waiting for. That she couldn?t bear a child ever again. She knew it was coming, anticipated the bitter words as they thought them. She knew it was what they were going to say, Heero or Duo or even some stranger for a doctor. Why hadn?t anyone come to see her to deliver the horrible news to her yet? She knew they were out there, biding their time. The baby was gone, and she would never be able to have the same comfort, the same warmth that came with nurturing touches and constant realization that there was a little someone resting inside of her womb, waiting and anticipating the real world she knew she?and perhaps Heero as well?could provide.
The pain was getting too hard to bear.
She realized she was still staring at the pink rose, and brought her hand up from her stomach to open, and then read, the note for what seemed like the fifteenth time. The petals were soft from underneath her fingertips, like fine silk, and she picked it up to rest it by her face, then read the note again. Relena, I love you and I?m sorry. HY.
He still loves me, her mind mused. Like she could forget those words leaving his lips before that night. It mattered not when he uttered them or if he ever would again. Those words had never left her since they were addressed to her. Her heart lightened at the thought of his declaration to her. He still loves me.
The baby was his. There were no others it could have been. First it had been simple: She invited him to stay with her in that large, too large for one person, suite on L3; he hadn?t said a word, but didn?t move otherwise; she kissed him gently, he kissed back; she led him into her room, he followed; sweet surrender, they made love most of the night. It had been the most intense event of her entire life. And nothing ruined her mood for the next four weeks.
Heero had avoided the confrontational situation, and was assigned elsewhere for a couple of weeks on a private matter by Une. It was her understanding that he hadn?t asked for it, but they thought it best to leave it between them. No one knew her secret, though. She needed to be sure, wanted to sort her feelings out about it. When she was planning on telling him was another thing. Noin never asked questions, though Relena knew she had been close to, and would?ve wanted nothing more than to splay her thoughts out over the table for her sister. Milliardo never made the connection, and Relena was sure that had been Noin?s doing. No one ever suspected.
Now everything was different, and she hadn?t even seen a single person to tell her the truth. Did no one want to see her in this state? It did hurt to move, but she was not dead, and even though she felt dead inside. She had wanted this baby, his baby. Knowing that Heero had a part in this made her feel so much better. She was sure he had his doubts about everything that had happened, and she had wanted to tell him so much. Her heart ached to tell him everything that had happened. The past four weeks had been bliss, but something was keeping her from telling him. Perhaps the looks of contentment they had shared had something to do with it. All she knew was that she wanted to speak with him now, not then.
What if he didn?t believe her? Could she convince him that there had been no one else, that there could never be anyone else? Could he learn to love her, knowing that she didn?t fight to save herself? The thought of his cold eyes at this time, staring through her hatefully, made the tears fall harder. When had she started to cry?
The white room was cold and unforgiving, which suited her reflections. There came a sound from across the room, and Relena jumped, hurrying to wipe her tears away. ?Relena, I?m coming in.? It was Heero. Her heart raced inside her ribcage and she tried to pinpoint the emotion she was feeling. Before she had the time she had taken advantage of earlier to figure this out, it was gone when the door opened, revealing a very calm-looking Heero Yuy. When he shut the door behind him, she knew he was being a bit too calm for her own benefit. ?How are you feeling?? Relena blinked very slightly and was thankful for the subtleness in his voice. But she knew she couldn?t run from the nagging feeling in her gut.
?I don?t know. Better than I was. Who did the surgery?? Heero seemed a little perturbed by her change of the subject, but decided to let it go. He walked toward her and sat down on the hospital bed, resting across from her with an air of tension.
?I started it, Sally finished it. We were lucky you made it to the emergency room.? Her hand wanted to reach out for his, but she knew his actions were reluctant. He wanted answers, and right now she needed to provide them, but her words needed to be thought out more carefully. ?I was?worried.? Okay, she thought. That was forced. If he was thinking about the baby or not, she needed to get it out into the open before they cracked.
?The baby was yours. If you ever had any doubts, please lay them to rest now.? Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but they had sunk in. His eyes seemed to soften in understanding and realization as she got the green light to come closer to him. A smile graced her lips as her hand touched his. ?As if I could keep from thinking about you with a piece of you inside of me.? Her eyes began to redden as her thoughts got the better of her. She made a promise to cry later in order to stop the tears, and her hopes were fulfilled. ?Sorry, I?m a little emotional right now. I was hoping no one would find out like this. I was,? she tried to arrange her body so she could move to sit up, but Heero?s hand on her shoulder stopped her.
?Don?t move or you?ll stretch the stitches.? He paused and waited for her to lie back again. She complied reluctantly. ?Why didn?t you tell anyone?? His hand came up to brush a stray hair to the side of her forehead. He hadn?t slept for awhile?since he had intercepted the emergency call the night before. And here he was at three in the afternoon when she finally woke up. Duo hadn?t tried to drill him for questions as he thought would happen. Apparently the thought of the physical state Relena was in made Duo reassert himself. Being in love himself he knew what he should and should not pry about. He should?ve noticed the signs first. The soda crackers, the sickness she claimed was just nerves but he ignored only because he trusted her judgment; they were all a fa?ade he hadn?t seen through, and he regretted the action.
?I was afraid of the reaction. You, Milliardo, Lucrezia, I didn?t want to keep anyone out. I was?? She dug in deep for the words to describe the feeling, but only found one. ??Scared. I was afraid of the reactions I would get. What if you hadn?t wanted the baby or didn?t want me because I would tie you down. If Milliardo had found out, he would?ve tried to kill you I just know, and--? She stopped when Heero?s finger touched her lips gently.
?You were afraid I wouldn?t love you anymore because you were pregnant?? She was unable to speak. She was afraid he would hate her. She feared his reaction, not anyone else?s; that is why she never told him. Why was it clear now and not earlier? He was so close now, his eyes mere inches from hers, and she saw his lips out of the corner of her eye. She was afraid he would become cold to her.
But his eyes were soft. They weren?t hateful as she had feared and it was at that point she understood that he was sad because she didn?t trust him enough to tell him. Saying nothing was the better choice at this point. He wanted to say something, but was holding back. Why wasn?t he saying anything? Was he afraid as well? Did she betray his trust beyond repair? Just the thought of him stepping away from her made her sick to her stomach. ?You should?ve told me, Relena. Telling me should?ve been your first priority. You let me believe nothing was wrong and I could?ve been there to protect you.? She craved his warmth as his finger came to rest beside her.
?I didn?t want to burden you with a life-changing choice. I know you understand this. ? Heero sighed. She wouldn?t make excuses for him. The truth fell out of her mouth like a second nature; she couldn?t lie to him. He deserved the truth from her because she wanted the same in return. It was out in the open now and she craved the pressure to tell the truth; it made her feel honest again. All of the pressure was releasing itself in the only way she knew how, and she was finally seeing clearly. He knew this, too.
He knew she loved to hear the truth, no matter how hurtful or beautiful, because she hated lies. She had lived for so long under the blanket of dishonesty that it had become her umbilicus. There were times, granted, when she wanted to hear the general story and nothing else, and she wouldn?t mind a few lies to cover a small story which needed no explanations. So he sighed, and caressed her cheek. He had been worried that the pain would go away, but it wouldn?t last forever. She knew what she had done. A few years ago he would?ve left her in the dark and walked away, but now he knew that would do more damage than necessary.
?Nevertheless you wouldn?t have been in that danger if it hadn?t been for me.?
??And the guilt trip was another thing that occurred to me. It wasn?t something I anticipated, the attack. How did they know, though? No one, not even you knew.? The door opened, as if on cue. In walked a dead man, someone who wasn?t supposed to live through the Eve Wars. How he ended up entering her room was beyond her, and her voice almost left her.
Doctor J.
?I can answer that one. No use letting Heero have the sole responsibility of telling you the news.? Her eye twitched involuntarily, but she remained silent, wary, as the man before her began his explanation. Did it matter how he got here or matter how Heero had come to contact him in a situation like this? Maybe it would later. In the meantime, she let him just be. ?First, I must deliver the news concerning your status.? Relena stared blankly at the man, waiting for the inevitable news she had been dreading since she had thought of it. Her hand was empty; Heero wasn?t used to public displays of affection. She understood, but that didn?t mean she wasn?t hurt. ?The offspring did not survive the attack. As for how they found out, well...did you take any pregnancy tests??
?I took three.?
?There you go--?
?There is no way anybody could have known. I determined the results at work. New trash compactors, remember?? Relena looked at Heero and after a moment, her eyes widened. She brought her hand up to cover her eyes as her face suddenly flushed red. Heero realized what she was thinking and a small blush reached his cheeks. Doctor J seemed surprised at the thought at first, but he smiled rather widely.
?Well, that should tell us how they base their conclusions unless it was obvious by observation alone?? Doctor J began to chuckle. This made Relena?s face redden even more. ?Interesting. You two must?ve put on quite a show.? When Relena?s silence became uncomfortable, Heero sent a glare to his former instructor.
?That?s enough.?
?I?m surprised that you two would allow your emotions to control your action, especially you, Heero.?
?I said that?s enough.?
?Very well. No mean to pry. Your personal business is your own, but never forget your purpose. This group is too dangerous to take lightly. The Peacecraft family, as you said, needs to be protected from being wiped out. The least you can do is keep your hormones in check until this is taken care of.? Heero was almost near seething when Doctor J finished that sentence. Relena?s hand rested on his arm, and her grip seemed to keep him in check, to the doctor?s surprise. ?I will need to speak to you as soon as possible on the matter, Heero.? Relena suddenly felt her face pale drastically as the man walked toward the door. She had to speak now or she?d fall apart on the spot.
?Doctor J, I want to know if I can still bear children.? Her heart clenched and her grip tightened on Heero?s arm. This was so important to her. She wouldn?t be able to go another minute without knowing this fact. It was inevitable that he would say no, but she didn?t want to go another minute. The man stopped as though trying to delay himself. Perhaps he wanted to make her squirm in her seat; it was working.
?Yes, you are able.? Relena stared quietly as if trying to register what he had said. After all the mental games she had played with herself, it was hard to believe that she was still able to bear children. ?Though, to bear any children from now on means you would have to be extremely careful during those nine months. One tumble to the ground at any stage could cause a miscarriage.? Her brow furrowed. It was still possible to have a child, but there was so much she couldn?t bear to happen if they tried again. She nodded in comprehension and swallowed her tears.
?I understand?thank you for telling me, Doctor J.?
?Don?t thank me just yet. I haven?t said anything you could appreciate yet.? And with that the man left the room as quietly as he entered. Relena only squeezed Heero?s arm harder and watched as he turned toward her. Tears began to stream down her face and he brushed them away without a second thought.
?Will we ever be happy again, Heero??
