Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2002 3:24 pm
In the Silence 4
It was warm here.
Instinctively, Relena turned into the heat.
Reaching over her shoulder to pull the blanket higher, she was startled to realize that the weight across her torso wasn't a blanket. It was an arm. Unused to having anyone sleeping next to her, she slid her hand lower and cupped the shirt-clad elbow. This was a man's arm, of that there was no doubt. Reality invaded then, stealing the warmth and reminding her of how she came to be in a bed with a man with whom she certainly wasn't on intimate terms.
By rule she wasn't a coward, but she wished with nearly everything that when she opened her eyes he would still be asleep. It would be easier to disentangle herself and slip into the bathroom before she faced him. It was humbling, and more than a little embarrassing to realize that she would rather head off a room filled with angry representatives than witness the look on Wufei's face when it came to him that he had fallen asleep in the same bed as her.
Ruefully, she conceded as well, that she wanted at least a night and a morning to pull herself together because of how she had fallen apart in front of him. Years before even, when she had been younger and had depended on Heero so much for her strength, she had never gone to pieces on him. Some pride was there even in the most bleak of moments, balm on a wound, or steel in a backbone. Right now, it was neither. It was raw and stinging and she only wanted to be alone.
Issuing a short sigh, she told herself the only thing that would hide her was covering her head with a sheet, not closing her eyes. Beside that, the most important thing here was not her injured feelings. It was a dead man and emotionally scarred people.
Soon there would be preparations for a press conference where she would offer her sympathy and propose they work to strengthen security so that walking into air terminals, grocery stores, even day cares with a gun wasn't so easy. After, she would make it happen. That was what she did.
That was balm on a wound. Sitting idly by had never been right for her. Not when youth had taken her recklessly down paths better left alone, and certainly not now, when position gave her the ammunition to do what needed to be done.
Avoidance wasn't something she allowed either, and she was using the gloss to hide behind so that being human wouldn't enter into it. Much like, she thought with sudden clarity as she opened her eyes, Wufei.
He was watching her.
A quick, startled thrill leapt into her throat, where it throbbed painfully. Rather than look away as she wanted, she returned his silent study, finding something uneasy in it. His face was still, and his eyes dark, but steady with a sort of intense fix that made her want to squirm. It was as if he were taking her apart and piecing her back together again. Not unlike the way he had looked at her before. Only in this, there was something different she couldn't grasp.
Every part of him warned against not getting up and leaving her now that it was clear she was capable of being alone. They were close enough that he could feel the press of her breasts against his chest, the curve of her hip turned into his, and the slim length of her leg anchored beneath him. It was unbearably warm here, enough that he could feel the beginnings of sweat slip down his spine. He could smell her hair. Her fingers were still around his elbow, and he could feel the heat of them through the fabric. He wasn't shallow, but he was human, and parts of his body did not always act as he instructed them to.
Nothing had ever been so lowering as the knowledge that he could control everything except his desire. Some would consider it proof of their virility, but Wufei often found it a nuisance. Especially now. Relena wasn't a woman he could afford to feel this way for. It was unexpected, yes, but he could find many ways to explain it away. The intensity of the situation they had found themselves in not so long ago, the fact that she was undeniably attractive and lying so close to him, or simply that he had offered her comfort and she had accepted.
Some part of him challenged that, taunted. He had never woken up to find himself nearly in pain because he wanted his wife. Yet, he had been young and they had never slept in the same bed. Sally Po had never raised even a passing interest in him. He considered her, however, as a friend and thought of her as almost another man. Relena certainly was not a man. Their proximity could testify to that.
"You didn't have to stay."
Her quiet comment jerked him to the present.
"You were distraught," he answered dismissively, working furiously to put his thoughts back together. He should have left before she woke up. He never should have watched her while she slept, guilty in the knowledge that his regard for her had taken another path entirely.
Something flashed in her eyes. Deceptively mild, she answered evenly, "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you."
"You weren't when I found you crying," he challenged, finding this conversation easier to focus on.
Relena felt her face heat at the mention of the way he had found her. Wufei had never claimed to have manners, and the more she was around him the less she wondered if he possessed any. She was humiliated enough without having him steal the last scrap of dignity from her. And if relief was there as anger filled the strange air that had developed between them, she didn't consider it.
"Anyone with manners would have knocked before entering," she fired back, her tone gaining strength. Debate was as much a part of her world as eating and sleeping.
"The door was open."
Relena wasn't certain whether it was the truth in the statement, or the way he delivered it as if it ended the argument that bothered her more.
"That still didn't give you the right to enter," she countered with less conviction, resisting the strong urge to be childish and push him away.
It had to be that she was tired. She never would have let him bait her like this otherwise.
It hardly helped the situation that he merely grunted and eyed her down the length of his nose like a patiently superior professor. Rather, it made her want to laugh. The absurdity of lying here with him, in a darkened room, arguing like a couple of teenagers was not lost on her now. In retrospect, it was probably a normal reaction to lack of sleep and stress.
"I think you had better go now, Wufei," but she ruined it by smiling, and shifting.
At the sudden widening of her eyes and the small "oh", he issued a short curse and was not at all pleased to find himself coloring under her gaze. Arguing with her should have curbed his need, not heightened it.
"It doesn't mean anything," he snapped out tersely, even less pleased by the strain in his tone.
The sharp flash of heat hit quickly. The sensitivity it left in its wake was almost frightening in its severity. Every part of her was suddenly alert and alive in a way she hadn't known possible. As if the slightest brush of his fingers on her skin would send a shock of jumbled signals to her already confused mind. She may not have been experienced in this sort of thing, but she knew answering need when she felt it; and understood exactly what it meant.
The temper in response to his admission came as a surprise because of it.
"It doesn't mean anything?" She repeated slowly. What did he mean, that any hundreds of women could produce the same response?
"That is what I said," he answered, something close to caution lurking around the edge.
"Oh. I see. This is normal for you. It's only because I happen to be a warm body lying next to you?" Was that her, sounding so incensed?
Wufei didn't understand her reaction. He had expected it to be what she wanted to hear, given her appalled reaction to the discovery of his very obvious arousal. She seemed upset that he claimed it was nothing, rather than relieved. The woman didn't make sense.
"Don't be foolish, Relena."
Foolish? Not only was that patronizing, but it was complete avoidance.
"Foolish? Why is it foolish for me to want to know if this is just your normal reaction to all women?"
"Dammit, what are you driving at?" He exploded, his patience shredded. Being in this position was not comfortable. It was painful. And her prolonging it for whatever ridiculous reason she had was not making it any better.
"I want to know if you want me!" And as soon as the words left her mouth, she flushed so hot, she was certain he could see it even in the dark.
"Relena..." His tone was suddenly quiet, subdued, and the way he was looking at her... She shivered and nearly pulled away.
He shouldn't be feeling this for her. He knew it. Knowing that changed nothing, however, and he wasn't in the habit of lying.
"Yes."
She didn't know why her mouth felt dry, or why it was that her body turned to him of its own volition when his fingers pressed into the small of her back. She almost couldn't stand the way he was looking at her, as if he could strip away everything with only his eyes. It was not unlike that short moment when fear first gripped you, and your legs went weak and your arms limp. She ached everywhere. She wanted to arch into him, she wanted him to touch her, she wanted him to complete her. Most of all, she wanted to run away.
It felt too right, too natural. Men and women were meant to fit together, she knew, it wasn't any big secret. It wasn't as if they were the first, or the last.
"You're afraid," he murmured. Leaving was the only option. He had no right to take this from her.
"No," she stunned him by answering steadily, "you are."
He almost snapped at her. The knowledge that she was right was all that held him back. It was the reason this was not going to happen.
"I'm leaving, Relena. It's wrong of me to stay."
"How like a man, to make the decision as if there weren't two involved."
The more he was with her, the less he understood. This had implications he didn't need, and was certain she could not afford. It would never be a matter of spending the night with her and then returning to life like normal. Not for him. If she could, then it was only another reason why this was wrong. He took few things lightly, least of all sex. Simply because his hormones dictated it, did not mean he had to follow.
"This isn't a simple matter, Relena, and I'll thank you not to treat it as such," he reprimanded.
She laughed in his face. "Don't patronize me, Wufei. I'm not a child."
Relena prayed he didn't hear how loudly her heart was hammering, or that he didn't see past her pretense of calm. Maybe she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she was scared. Maybe she should have taken his reluctance for someone who wasn't ready to commit, not that he wanted to protect her. She didn't think he would hurt her. She trusted him. Maybe, she was a fool after all.
"No," he agreed, and it was a compliment, not an observation.
He wanted to touch her. There wasn't a time he could think of that he had ever wanted it as badly as this. The smooth skin at the base of her throat was exposed. He could see her pulse fluttering, betraying her, and he wanted to press his lips there, bury himself in the fragrance of her hair, feel her skin slick against his own. It took everything he had not to. She had all but invited him to love her, and only a fool turned an invitation like that aside.
"Then I will be a fool," he whispered, closing his eyes.
"What?" He heard her ask.
Instead of answering, he pulled away from her. Before she could protest, he was on his feet, back turned.
"It's better if I leave."
She rose to her elbows, watched him disappear past the door that separated their rooms, and wished she could grab something and throw it at the space where he had stood. He hadn't asked her what she wanted. Only left her burning and expected her to accept it. Accept that he had rejected her so easily.
It hurt.
"What did you expect? You practically threw yourself at him, like you threw yourself at Heero, and made yourself look like a whore," she taunted, face hot, eyes stinging.
It would have been easier to give into self pity and curl up on the bed, wetting the pillow with her tears. Instead, she forced herself to get up, ignoring the ache that sat low in her stomach, and went to take the shower she should have taken hours ago.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Breathing deeply, Wufei slumped against the closed door, pressing his hand briefly to the erection that still strained against the confines of his pants. There were dozens of reason why he could have walked back into the room, and dozens why he shouldn't.
"Dammit... if I did the right thing, then why do I feel so sick?" He muttered, rubbing at his eyes.
The clock across the room read 4:00 AM. He doubted even after he stood under a cold shower for a half an hour and effectively rid himself of his arousal, that he would be able to sleep. Not with Relena laying a thin wall away. Not when his thoughts weren't likely to quiet. So it was hardly remarkable he lay in bed a short hour later reading a book where the words blurred together, forming a gibberish he made little effort to decipher.
Allowing himself the luxury of a sigh, he looked to the ceiling.
"You're laughing, aren't you Meiran?" He knew she was. This was just the sort of thing she would have found amusing. His failure always had been an endless source for her.
His eyes swept shut.
Wufei knew he had walked from Relena's room a coward. He hadn't looked at her face because he had been afraid of what he would find there. Hurt would have made him stay, and it would have been a mistake. They barely knew one another, and sleeping together was a far cry from having a slightly friendly conversation on a shuttle. There was no doubt he wanted her, but that wasn't enough. She wasn't in a position to have an affair. Not when he was certain she had never had one before.
It was better she hate him for refusing, than she hate him for accepting.
"You're rationalizing," he told himself, irritated.
He was. It didn't change the fact, however, that taking advantage of Relena's inexperience would have meant more responsibility than he needed.
It was better this way.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Relena sat in the circle of her blankets, braiding her damp hair. The lights were low, and her things were draped carelessly across a chair, but she wasn't going to worry about straightening them now. It ridiculous to feel this bruised. It wasn't as if she hadn't been rejected before. Never on this basic of a level, but it was the same. Either Wufei didn't want her as much as he claimed, or her lack of experience scared him away.
Had it been so obvious?
Twisting the rubber band on the end of her hair, she snapped it once in vague irritation.
It wasn't her fault she had never had the opportunity to have sex. Her life had been one whirlwind of responsibility since the end of the war. Responsibility she had willingly accepted, but that had gotten in the way of her social life. The few dates she went on hadn't produced much more than a passing interest. There were far more important things in life than having sex just for the sake of having it.
Groaning, she threw herself back on her pillow. Was that what he had thought? That she wanted to sleep with him just to sleep with him? If that had been the case, she would have slept with the last man she dated, or the one before that. Wufei was infuriating, but there was something about him that pulled at her. Or maybe it was just plain, physical attraction. Still...
Maybe her regard for him had changed when she watched him calmly trying to talk the terrorist down, or when, despite his discomfort, he had held her while she cried. Or perhaps it was that he didn't treat her any differently from the other people he knew. There was no deference to her position, no indication that she was any better than anyone else. That, was what had been missing from the previous dates. And probably a large reason why the thought of being with those men had turned her off.
She laughed. She couldn't help it. "You make no sense, Relena. You want a man because he'll treat you badly, not because he'll treat you like a princess."
It didn't matter. After tomorrow they would go back to their respective worlds and she doubted she would see him again for a long while.
Tomorrow, she would keep her poise and treat him as a friend.
That was, if she could fall asleep soon enough for tomorrow to come.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wufei looked cross when he appeared in the doorway between their rooms the next morning after making a point of knocking loudly. In the process of separating her clean clothing from her dirty clothing, Relena raised her head and offered him a practiced smile. It felt strained around the edges, and probably no more effective, but she doubted he noticed. He looked as if he hadn't slept any more than she had. There was little satisfaction in that.
"Are you ready?" He demanded impatiently.
"Almost." She returned calmly.
"We have to make the taxi by 11:00."
"Yes, I know."
If it was possible, her lack of reaction annoyed him more than if she had been cool with him. Instead, she was acting as if the night before hadn't happened at all, leaving him wondering if he wasn't managing it as well as he had thought. Not, he reminded himself, that it mattered. It was better that she was handling this like an adult because it made it easier to get past. After he saw her to her destination and they became busy with their usual lives, none of it would even touch them again.
It was hardly as if they had actually slept together.
"I'm ready."
Nodding curtly, he slipped his one bag over his shoulder and grasped the larger of hers. The last one was extremely heavy.
Raising an eyebrow, he inquired, "Did you pack your life into this one?"
She offered him a half-smile. "Work."
"You take it with you when you vacation?"
"Don't you?"
Yes, he did. His work went with him everywhere. It always did, as last night had so aptly displayed. That they would understand each other on this meant more than he had expected.
"Yes, I do."
"Well..." And she trailed off, accepting his unspoken offer of allowing her to leave the room first.
She was wearing ivory slacks and a pink sweater. They were her colors, he noted, that mixture of cool and soft. It gave her aristocracy and then softened the edges. And had last night not taken place, he never would have noticed.
Relena saw what she didn't want to. The way the white of his shirt stood on in sharp contrast to the olive of his skin. The way his slacks molded over a trim waist and slim hips. The way he smelled when he walked next to her, a hint of cologne eclipsed by that darker scent that belonged to him only. It was the one that lingered on her pillows.
"This trip won't take as long," he noted almost to himself as they boarded the elevator.
"I'm sure it pleases you to note that."
He looked straight at her then, in that way he had of seeing one thing to the exclusion of all else. She felt a thrill sweep down her back.
Then, completely throwing her off guard, he smiled. "Think that if you want."
The tiny elevator suddenly wasn't big enough, and she had to fight the urge to settle into the corner furthest from him.
"I don't understand you, Wufei," she murmured, watching him.
He shrugged. "You don't need to."
He didn't want her to.
"No, I probably don't," she agreed in a way that had his eyes narrowing.
Yes, the shorter the trip the better for them both.
------------------------------------------
I was trying for realisim in this chapter. I'm not sure if I made it or not. ^^; Do I get brownie points for trying though?
It was warm here.
Instinctively, Relena turned into the heat.
Reaching over her shoulder to pull the blanket higher, she was startled to realize that the weight across her torso wasn't a blanket. It was an arm. Unused to having anyone sleeping next to her, she slid her hand lower and cupped the shirt-clad elbow. This was a man's arm, of that there was no doubt. Reality invaded then, stealing the warmth and reminding her of how she came to be in a bed with a man with whom she certainly wasn't on intimate terms.
By rule she wasn't a coward, but she wished with nearly everything that when she opened her eyes he would still be asleep. It would be easier to disentangle herself and slip into the bathroom before she faced him. It was humbling, and more than a little embarrassing to realize that she would rather head off a room filled with angry representatives than witness the look on Wufei's face when it came to him that he had fallen asleep in the same bed as her.
Ruefully, she conceded as well, that she wanted at least a night and a morning to pull herself together because of how she had fallen apart in front of him. Years before even, when she had been younger and had depended on Heero so much for her strength, she had never gone to pieces on him. Some pride was there even in the most bleak of moments, balm on a wound, or steel in a backbone. Right now, it was neither. It was raw and stinging and she only wanted to be alone.
Issuing a short sigh, she told herself the only thing that would hide her was covering her head with a sheet, not closing her eyes. Beside that, the most important thing here was not her injured feelings. It was a dead man and emotionally scarred people.
Soon there would be preparations for a press conference where she would offer her sympathy and propose they work to strengthen security so that walking into air terminals, grocery stores, even day cares with a gun wasn't so easy. After, she would make it happen. That was what she did.
That was balm on a wound. Sitting idly by had never been right for her. Not when youth had taken her recklessly down paths better left alone, and certainly not now, when position gave her the ammunition to do what needed to be done.
Avoidance wasn't something she allowed either, and she was using the gloss to hide behind so that being human wouldn't enter into it. Much like, she thought with sudden clarity as she opened her eyes, Wufei.
He was watching her.
A quick, startled thrill leapt into her throat, where it throbbed painfully. Rather than look away as she wanted, she returned his silent study, finding something uneasy in it. His face was still, and his eyes dark, but steady with a sort of intense fix that made her want to squirm. It was as if he were taking her apart and piecing her back together again. Not unlike the way he had looked at her before. Only in this, there was something different she couldn't grasp.
Every part of him warned against not getting up and leaving her now that it was clear she was capable of being alone. They were close enough that he could feel the press of her breasts against his chest, the curve of her hip turned into his, and the slim length of her leg anchored beneath him. It was unbearably warm here, enough that he could feel the beginnings of sweat slip down his spine. He could smell her hair. Her fingers were still around his elbow, and he could feel the heat of them through the fabric. He wasn't shallow, but he was human, and parts of his body did not always act as he instructed them to.
Nothing had ever been so lowering as the knowledge that he could control everything except his desire. Some would consider it proof of their virility, but Wufei often found it a nuisance. Especially now. Relena wasn't a woman he could afford to feel this way for. It was unexpected, yes, but he could find many ways to explain it away. The intensity of the situation they had found themselves in not so long ago, the fact that she was undeniably attractive and lying so close to him, or simply that he had offered her comfort and she had accepted.
Some part of him challenged that, taunted. He had never woken up to find himself nearly in pain because he wanted his wife. Yet, he had been young and they had never slept in the same bed. Sally Po had never raised even a passing interest in him. He considered her, however, as a friend and thought of her as almost another man. Relena certainly was not a man. Their proximity could testify to that.
"You didn't have to stay."
Her quiet comment jerked him to the present.
"You were distraught," he answered dismissively, working furiously to put his thoughts back together. He should have left before she woke up. He never should have watched her while she slept, guilty in the knowledge that his regard for her had taken another path entirely.
Something flashed in her eyes. Deceptively mild, she answered evenly, "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you."
"You weren't when I found you crying," he challenged, finding this conversation easier to focus on.
Relena felt her face heat at the mention of the way he had found her. Wufei had never claimed to have manners, and the more she was around him the less she wondered if he possessed any. She was humiliated enough without having him steal the last scrap of dignity from her. And if relief was there as anger filled the strange air that had developed between them, she didn't consider it.
"Anyone with manners would have knocked before entering," she fired back, her tone gaining strength. Debate was as much a part of her world as eating and sleeping.
"The door was open."
Relena wasn't certain whether it was the truth in the statement, or the way he delivered it as if it ended the argument that bothered her more.
"That still didn't give you the right to enter," she countered with less conviction, resisting the strong urge to be childish and push him away.
It had to be that she was tired. She never would have let him bait her like this otherwise.
It hardly helped the situation that he merely grunted and eyed her down the length of his nose like a patiently superior professor. Rather, it made her want to laugh. The absurdity of lying here with him, in a darkened room, arguing like a couple of teenagers was not lost on her now. In retrospect, it was probably a normal reaction to lack of sleep and stress.
"I think you had better go now, Wufei," but she ruined it by smiling, and shifting.
At the sudden widening of her eyes and the small "oh", he issued a short curse and was not at all pleased to find himself coloring under her gaze. Arguing with her should have curbed his need, not heightened it.
"It doesn't mean anything," he snapped out tersely, even less pleased by the strain in his tone.
The sharp flash of heat hit quickly. The sensitivity it left in its wake was almost frightening in its severity. Every part of her was suddenly alert and alive in a way she hadn't known possible. As if the slightest brush of his fingers on her skin would send a shock of jumbled signals to her already confused mind. She may not have been experienced in this sort of thing, but she knew answering need when she felt it; and understood exactly what it meant.
The temper in response to his admission came as a surprise because of it.
"It doesn't mean anything?" She repeated slowly. What did he mean, that any hundreds of women could produce the same response?
"That is what I said," he answered, something close to caution lurking around the edge.
"Oh. I see. This is normal for you. It's only because I happen to be a warm body lying next to you?" Was that her, sounding so incensed?
Wufei didn't understand her reaction. He had expected it to be what she wanted to hear, given her appalled reaction to the discovery of his very obvious arousal. She seemed upset that he claimed it was nothing, rather than relieved. The woman didn't make sense.
"Don't be foolish, Relena."
Foolish? Not only was that patronizing, but it was complete avoidance.
"Foolish? Why is it foolish for me to want to know if this is just your normal reaction to all women?"
"Dammit, what are you driving at?" He exploded, his patience shredded. Being in this position was not comfortable. It was painful. And her prolonging it for whatever ridiculous reason she had was not making it any better.
"I want to know if you want me!" And as soon as the words left her mouth, she flushed so hot, she was certain he could see it even in the dark.
"Relena..." His tone was suddenly quiet, subdued, and the way he was looking at her... She shivered and nearly pulled away.
He shouldn't be feeling this for her. He knew it. Knowing that changed nothing, however, and he wasn't in the habit of lying.
"Yes."
She didn't know why her mouth felt dry, or why it was that her body turned to him of its own volition when his fingers pressed into the small of her back. She almost couldn't stand the way he was looking at her, as if he could strip away everything with only his eyes. It was not unlike that short moment when fear first gripped you, and your legs went weak and your arms limp. She ached everywhere. She wanted to arch into him, she wanted him to touch her, she wanted him to complete her. Most of all, she wanted to run away.
It felt too right, too natural. Men and women were meant to fit together, she knew, it wasn't any big secret. It wasn't as if they were the first, or the last.
"You're afraid," he murmured. Leaving was the only option. He had no right to take this from her.
"No," she stunned him by answering steadily, "you are."
He almost snapped at her. The knowledge that she was right was all that held him back. It was the reason this was not going to happen.
"I'm leaving, Relena. It's wrong of me to stay."
"How like a man, to make the decision as if there weren't two involved."
The more he was with her, the less he understood. This had implications he didn't need, and was certain she could not afford. It would never be a matter of spending the night with her and then returning to life like normal. Not for him. If she could, then it was only another reason why this was wrong. He took few things lightly, least of all sex. Simply because his hormones dictated it, did not mean he had to follow.
"This isn't a simple matter, Relena, and I'll thank you not to treat it as such," he reprimanded.
She laughed in his face. "Don't patronize me, Wufei. I'm not a child."
Relena prayed he didn't hear how loudly her heart was hammering, or that he didn't see past her pretense of calm. Maybe she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she was scared. Maybe she should have taken his reluctance for someone who wasn't ready to commit, not that he wanted to protect her. She didn't think he would hurt her. She trusted him. Maybe, she was a fool after all.
"No," he agreed, and it was a compliment, not an observation.
He wanted to touch her. There wasn't a time he could think of that he had ever wanted it as badly as this. The smooth skin at the base of her throat was exposed. He could see her pulse fluttering, betraying her, and he wanted to press his lips there, bury himself in the fragrance of her hair, feel her skin slick against his own. It took everything he had not to. She had all but invited him to love her, and only a fool turned an invitation like that aside.
"Then I will be a fool," he whispered, closing his eyes.
"What?" He heard her ask.
Instead of answering, he pulled away from her. Before she could protest, he was on his feet, back turned.
"It's better if I leave."
She rose to her elbows, watched him disappear past the door that separated their rooms, and wished she could grab something and throw it at the space where he had stood. He hadn't asked her what she wanted. Only left her burning and expected her to accept it. Accept that he had rejected her so easily.
It hurt.
"What did you expect? You practically threw yourself at him, like you threw yourself at Heero, and made yourself look like a whore," she taunted, face hot, eyes stinging.
It would have been easier to give into self pity and curl up on the bed, wetting the pillow with her tears. Instead, she forced herself to get up, ignoring the ache that sat low in her stomach, and went to take the shower she should have taken hours ago.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Breathing deeply, Wufei slumped against the closed door, pressing his hand briefly to the erection that still strained against the confines of his pants. There were dozens of reason why he could have walked back into the room, and dozens why he shouldn't.
"Dammit... if I did the right thing, then why do I feel so sick?" He muttered, rubbing at his eyes.
The clock across the room read 4:00 AM. He doubted even after he stood under a cold shower for a half an hour and effectively rid himself of his arousal, that he would be able to sleep. Not with Relena laying a thin wall away. Not when his thoughts weren't likely to quiet. So it was hardly remarkable he lay in bed a short hour later reading a book where the words blurred together, forming a gibberish he made little effort to decipher.
Allowing himself the luxury of a sigh, he looked to the ceiling.
"You're laughing, aren't you Meiran?" He knew she was. This was just the sort of thing she would have found amusing. His failure always had been an endless source for her.
His eyes swept shut.
Wufei knew he had walked from Relena's room a coward. He hadn't looked at her face because he had been afraid of what he would find there. Hurt would have made him stay, and it would have been a mistake. They barely knew one another, and sleeping together was a far cry from having a slightly friendly conversation on a shuttle. There was no doubt he wanted her, but that wasn't enough. She wasn't in a position to have an affair. Not when he was certain she had never had one before.
It was better she hate him for refusing, than she hate him for accepting.
"You're rationalizing," he told himself, irritated.
He was. It didn't change the fact, however, that taking advantage of Relena's inexperience would have meant more responsibility than he needed.
It was better this way.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Relena sat in the circle of her blankets, braiding her damp hair. The lights were low, and her things were draped carelessly across a chair, but she wasn't going to worry about straightening them now. It ridiculous to feel this bruised. It wasn't as if she hadn't been rejected before. Never on this basic of a level, but it was the same. Either Wufei didn't want her as much as he claimed, or her lack of experience scared him away.
Had it been so obvious?
Twisting the rubber band on the end of her hair, she snapped it once in vague irritation.
It wasn't her fault she had never had the opportunity to have sex. Her life had been one whirlwind of responsibility since the end of the war. Responsibility she had willingly accepted, but that had gotten in the way of her social life. The few dates she went on hadn't produced much more than a passing interest. There were far more important things in life than having sex just for the sake of having it.
Groaning, she threw herself back on her pillow. Was that what he had thought? That she wanted to sleep with him just to sleep with him? If that had been the case, she would have slept with the last man she dated, or the one before that. Wufei was infuriating, but there was something about him that pulled at her. Or maybe it was just plain, physical attraction. Still...
Maybe her regard for him had changed when she watched him calmly trying to talk the terrorist down, or when, despite his discomfort, he had held her while she cried. Or perhaps it was that he didn't treat her any differently from the other people he knew. There was no deference to her position, no indication that she was any better than anyone else. That, was what had been missing from the previous dates. And probably a large reason why the thought of being with those men had turned her off.
She laughed. She couldn't help it. "You make no sense, Relena. You want a man because he'll treat you badly, not because he'll treat you like a princess."
It didn't matter. After tomorrow they would go back to their respective worlds and she doubted she would see him again for a long while.
Tomorrow, she would keep her poise and treat him as a friend.
That was, if she could fall asleep soon enough for tomorrow to come.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wufei looked cross when he appeared in the doorway between their rooms the next morning after making a point of knocking loudly. In the process of separating her clean clothing from her dirty clothing, Relena raised her head and offered him a practiced smile. It felt strained around the edges, and probably no more effective, but she doubted he noticed. He looked as if he hadn't slept any more than she had. There was little satisfaction in that.
"Are you ready?" He demanded impatiently.
"Almost." She returned calmly.
"We have to make the taxi by 11:00."
"Yes, I know."
If it was possible, her lack of reaction annoyed him more than if she had been cool with him. Instead, she was acting as if the night before hadn't happened at all, leaving him wondering if he wasn't managing it as well as he had thought. Not, he reminded himself, that it mattered. It was better that she was handling this like an adult because it made it easier to get past. After he saw her to her destination and they became busy with their usual lives, none of it would even touch them again.
It was hardly as if they had actually slept together.
"I'm ready."
Nodding curtly, he slipped his one bag over his shoulder and grasped the larger of hers. The last one was extremely heavy.
Raising an eyebrow, he inquired, "Did you pack your life into this one?"
She offered him a half-smile. "Work."
"You take it with you when you vacation?"
"Don't you?"
Yes, he did. His work went with him everywhere. It always did, as last night had so aptly displayed. That they would understand each other on this meant more than he had expected.
"Yes, I do."
"Well..." And she trailed off, accepting his unspoken offer of allowing her to leave the room first.
She was wearing ivory slacks and a pink sweater. They were her colors, he noted, that mixture of cool and soft. It gave her aristocracy and then softened the edges. And had last night not taken place, he never would have noticed.
Relena saw what she didn't want to. The way the white of his shirt stood on in sharp contrast to the olive of his skin. The way his slacks molded over a trim waist and slim hips. The way he smelled when he walked next to her, a hint of cologne eclipsed by that darker scent that belonged to him only. It was the one that lingered on her pillows.
"This trip won't take as long," he noted almost to himself as they boarded the elevator.
"I'm sure it pleases you to note that."
He looked straight at her then, in that way he had of seeing one thing to the exclusion of all else. She felt a thrill sweep down her back.
Then, completely throwing her off guard, he smiled. "Think that if you want."
The tiny elevator suddenly wasn't big enough, and she had to fight the urge to settle into the corner furthest from him.
"I don't understand you, Wufei," she murmured, watching him.
He shrugged. "You don't need to."
He didn't want her to.
"No, I probably don't," she agreed in a way that had his eyes narrowing.
Yes, the shorter the trip the better for them both.
------------------------------------------
I was trying for realisim in this chapter. I'm not sure if I made it or not. ^^; Do I get brownie points for trying though?