Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2002 3:21 pm
In the Silence 3
The baby was cradled in his arms and blood warm on his face when Wufei hit his knees, legs weak from relief, disbelief, and something of a mix in between. He couldn't force his eyes away from David, lying limp and broken in a rapidly expanding prison of the same blood that marked him. The baby was alive, but the troubled man was not. Despite his efforts he had been unable to salvage the situation further. Sally Po had never lost a victim, much less a kidnapper. He had. The first time he attempted to talk anyone down, he lost the person. And everyone in here would have the imprint of his death forever embedded in their minds.
When Relena reached him, it was to gently take the baby from him and place her in the arms of her weeping mother. Then, she was kneeling in front of him, concern evident in her eyes. Concern for him, which he didn't need. Smoothing his face out, he nodded once to her before forcing himself to his feet. His legs wobbled faintly, an irritating revelation of his as of yet unsteady state. Now would certainly not be the time to fall apart.
"Wufei..."
His jaw tightened reflexively. He did not need her pity. She could save it for the baby, or the man who lay dead not even three feet away.
"We will need to wait now, as will all those who witnessed this," he told her evenly, giving no indication that he had heard the invitation to weaken where she could see it.
Relena looked to the huddle of people murmuring amongst themselves. They looked too shocked yet to even move from where they had gathered earlier. Her compassion went out to them, because now they would have to endure the endless queries of the authorities. Nevertheless, there was nothing that could be done about it. It had to happen while it was still easy for them to recall. She could understand, but that did not mean she liked it.
Yet, what bothered her most was Wufei's apparent lack of sympathy. That, and the way he had deliberately shut her out. She didn't expect him to consider her a close friend, but she had at least thought they could share this. The dismay, the shock, the vivid reality of it that would never leave. He had saved the child, but lost the man, and if for only a second, she had seen that torment reflected in his eyes.
Looking at him now, the proud set of his shoulders, the elegant lift of his chin, and the lack of inflection on his face, she knew he would admit to nothing. He would pretend as if it didn't bother him, and there was little choice but to go along with that. She didn't know him well enough to pry without the outcome offending him, or possibly even hurting him. If he allowed anything to touch him that closely...
Some of what she was thinking must have shown on her face, for Wufei misread it by replying, "There isn't another option."
Touching the tips of her fingers to her forehead and holding in a sigh, she nodded. "I know."
That was all. No fight, no probe.
Mistrusting that, Wufei continued to watch her. She pulled her hand away, and all he could see was quiet resignation and a firm determination that came from a place it couldn't be beaten back into. Her expression relaxed, and she offered him a practiced smile. Slightly put off by that, he shifted his gaze from her face, touching briefly on the mother and child before coming back to her.
What was he supposed to make of that, her obvious ability to pull her emotions in and become the collected woman she was now? A woman. Even before this, he had thought of her as a girl playing at a woman's political games, with her all-encompassing smiles and light questions meant to lay a foundation for companionable friendship, nothing more. But she wasn't. She knew exactly what she was doing, and what was more, she did it well.
He was disconcerted by this realization for no discernable reason. He couldn't explain the way his view shifted, how he looked at her and saw a completely different person. So he didn't try. He pushed it away and found something else to occupy his mind. It wasn't as if there was a lack of things pulling at his attention. He was very good at forgetting what he didn't want to explore.
Relena couldn't shake the feeling that Wufei was looking at her as if she were some sort of puzzle to take apart and reassemble into a fashion that made more sense. Maybe she didn't fit into any of the carefully made grooves he had created, but it wasn't as if it mattered to her. There were more important things to be taken care of.
It didn't matter that she felt like sitting alone and letting her hurt over this spill out. This time was no different from the others. People needed her to be strong and so she would. She would smile and reassure them of things she could really have no assurance of at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wufei was the last to leave the private office the authorities had secured for questioning, and he was the longest one in. Left with nothing to do but wait, Relena had settled across the hall, forcing herself to stand though her legs wanted desperately to give out on her. When the door opened, her head jerked up to see him. His tie was loosened to a sloppy, limp stretch of cloth trailing listlessly across the dark blazer draped over his arms. In his face there was nothing for her to read. If his eyes were drawn just the slightest bit tighter at the corners, it had to be the lighting. And if his mouth was set thinner than usual, it had to be her imagination.
"They're letting us go to our hotel, and leave in the morning as was planned," he told her, as he unthinkingly took her by the elbow to lead her down the hall. His tone was flat, closed, like the slam of a door hiding whatever might be behind the words.
Rather than comment, she only nodded. It wasn't anything she didn't already know. The officer who had questioned her had said as much as he exchanged her for Wufei. Out of deference for their positions, they were allowing them to return to Earth come morning. They had the addresses and numbers they needed should any more questions arise. Usually, treatment such as this bothered her. In this case, she was grateful for it. She only wanted to leave now.
Wufei had the presence of mind to grab their bags as they passed back through the lobby. Neither looked toward the blocked off area where a forensic team still worked diligently to gather what information they needed. It was clear enough to both of them. They didn't need science to tell them what their eyes had seen and their minds would not forget.
Relena tried to find amusement in the fact that her luggage had no doubt made it to the hotel before her, but she couldn't muster the urge past weariness. She only wanted to take a shower, as if that would wash away everything, and crawl into a bed where she could sleep a few short hours. That would be a while in coming, however, especially since she intended to offer that privilege to Wufei first. Unless he got them separate rooms. At this moment, she was really beyond caring so long as she had a place she could go to where she could shed the illusion of poise she wore like second skin.
He looked at Relena once before they slid into a waiting taxi. After giving the destination in a short, abrupt tone that spoke of how little tolerance he held, he leaned back and closed his eyes. He wanted to rub at them in an attempt to rid them of the grainy feel, but he didn't. He left his hands lying in his lap, and recalled what it felt like to be on the other side of the table.
The officers hadn't been particularly disagreeable. He was well aware that they could have made the situation even more intolerable than it already was. It was only his own insecurity. Some felt that the Preventers were simply another measure of control wrought by former Alliance officers and retired Gundam Pilots that had no right asserting themselves that way. So he had imagined that the officers looked at him, took his failure for what it was, and confirmed that.
"You did what you could, Wufei. When people want to die, I've learned there is nothing you can do to keep them from it."
Relena's soft comment prompted him to open his eyes and regard her silently.
"I don't need your pity, Relena," he informed her quietly.
She looked at him then, a blatant study of his face that didn't bother to hide its intent. "I don't imagine you do."
It wasn't a compliment. It was more like she found him lacking in sense, foolish because he wouldn't accept her rationalizing what happened. The plain truth was, it was his responsibility. He took control of the situation, intent on ending it with everyone leaving that building alive, and failed. He was not, however, going to argue that with her.
It was more than frustrating. It was a paralyzing drowning he could rail against all he wanted, but it was only like treading water against a current stronger than he was. As it had been when he watched his colony die, as it had been when he held his dying wife in his arms, willing her to live.
"What time is it?" Relena asked without preamble, pulling him away from his memories.
"After midnight."
She nodded, her shoulders lowering as if she had permission to be human now. "No wonder I'm so tired."
There was more to it than that. He didn't know if she was trying to convince herself or both of them. The sudden vulnerability in the wake of her calm unsettled him. He wasn't good with comfort. He didn't know how to tell her what she needed to hear because it would be a lie. Had this been Sally Po he would have ridiculed her, would have told her how weak and useless she was being. This was Relena, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her the same.
The interior of the taxi was small enough that she could have reached out and touched him. It was the widening gap between them that made the distance feel endless. There was no excuse for disappointment then, no reason why it should bother her that he would rather forget than share. It was probably better to let it go. No, she knew it was. But knowing and doing where two different things.
Drawing a hand across her eyes, she told herself that she was simply tired. The time since landing and leaving had been a long, draining process and even the former Queen of the World had to bend to silly human emotions now and then.
Snorting in self-derision and self-inflicted amusement, she finally gave in to the weariness and sank into the cushioned seat. Let Wufei make of that what he would. She couldn't be perfectly poised all of the time.
Relena was weary. He was weary. They were all weary. Falling into sleep would be only a temporary escape, however. Tomorrow he would have to stand up under another interrogation from his superior. He knew what she would say. That he was reckless, that he had shoved his way into a situation he was not fully trained for and had no business taking control of. He would tell her it was true, but that given a choice, he would do the same. What else could he do?
The taxi slowed, and Relena let Wufei take care of the tab. She paid little attention to the lobby as they walked to the front desk, offered no smile or greeting to the people they passed, and made no attempt to initiate a conversation with Wufei. She let him relay their reservations to the desk clerk as well, not caring that she was allowing him to take care of everything. At this point, she was tired and only wanted to get to her room. Tomorrow she would prove that she was quite capable of being an adult with no help from him.
It turned out they had adjoining rooms, and that their luggage was already in them. It didn't look as if she needed to worry about allowing Wufei the first shower after all. Before, it hadn't mattered. Now she thought she would gladly have fought him for the right to stand under a numbing hot spray.
Wufei said nothing to her in the elevator and she was grateful. She didn't feel like being kind, or making an attempt to draw him out. It surprised her how much she wanted to be alone. She needed the excuse to be completely selfish now and she couldn't do that if he was with her.
Rather than give her the card key, Wufei opened the door himself and stepped inside. While she watched, he swept the room, going so far as to look in the shower and check under the bed. She wanted to laugh and tell him he was being ridiculous, that no one could possibly know what room she was in, but it caught in her throat and she said nothing instead.
Nodding to her once, he unlocked the door separating their rooms. "Don't lock this."
Relena turned her back on him. In her mind, he was already gone.
He did the same with his room. It wasn't as much precaution as it was simply something to do. Finding nothing, expecting nothing, he looked to the bed only to realize he wasn't tired now. Sleep was far away. He was alone in this room and it seemed too big to him. He had wanted to be by himself, but now he was wondering if that was a mistake. Ridiculous. He needed nothing from anyone, least of all Relena Darlian.
To keep from thinking about it, possibly from changing his mind, he forced himself to lay out the clothing and toiletries he would need for tomorrow. It was only one night, but it was going to be a very long one.
Mechanically, Relena reached down and removed her shoes. Out of habit, she placed them at the foot of her bed and then only stood there, staring at the neatly made spread. She could unpack and find a nightgown. She could gather her shampoo and soap to take the shower she wanted so badly. She did neither, however. Instead, she sank onto the mattress and stared at the carpet.
It began to blur. Her skin burned and her hands shook when she pressed them to her face. Her fingers came away damp. She stared at them with an odd sort of detachment, aware on another level that her entire body had begun to tremble. Why was she crying? The baby lived. Perhaps the man hadn't deserved death, but it was his choice. Nothing could change that now, least of all weeping.
The door between their rooms opened.
She wanted to tell him to go away. Instead, she said, "It won't stop. I don't know why, it just won't."
He stared at her, unmoving, and she thought she saw a ripples of fear break the surface of his smooth expression. Chang Wufei, Preventer, ex-Gundam pilot, was afraid of something as harmless as a woman's tears? It struck her then as humorous, and she laughed. Only it came out as a strangled half-sob, and it was as if that one single hitch gave permission for more to come, until she was outright sobbing and couldn't seem to stop.
Clutching her stomach, she tried to motion him away. He was witnessing her humiliation, and she doubted he would ever let her forget it. She had lost it, proven she was nothing but a weak-willed women after how well she had held up under pressure. Funny, that she would break down now, with nothing threatening her and nothing to fear.
"Dammit, woman," she heard him hiss, and the bed dipped next to her.
"Go away," she ordered him, the words coming out so strangled she could hardly understand them herself.
Wufei had never felt so helpless in all his entire life. Relena had turned into a weeping mess of a woman, and he didn't know the first thing about offering comfort. It was damned humbling to find that he was more terrified of listening to her cry than he had been facing David. She had done so well, been so calm throughout it all, that he had been certain she could handle it.
It was obvious she wasn't. And he wanted to shame her into stopping, but he couldn't say the words.
He reached out hesitantly, touching her arm. She jerked away, curling inward and huddling over, falling into a rocking motion that was both pitiful and wrenching to watch.
"Leave me alone!" He barely understood her. The meaning was clear enough, however, and he wanted nothing more than to obey them. Being a bastard had never bothered him before. Had this been Sally, he would have told her to get a grip on herself and then walked away.
Instead, he took a breath and reached for her again, this time tightening his hold when she would have pulled away.
It wasn't working. She couldn't pull herself back together, and Wufei's clumsy attempt at comfort wasn't helping. He wasn't supposed to care that she was hurting; he was supposed to tell her how useless she was being and then leave. It was apparent she was far from understanding him. But right now she only wanted him to go away.
He didn't leave. She found herself in the circle of his arms, pinned between his thighs, her cheek half resting beneath his chin.
"Stop fighting me," he snapped, and she felt the muscles in his arms tense where she gripped them.
This was stupid of him. She didn't want him here, and he was being a fool by not listening. A smarter man would have taken that and run. Perhaps he was lacking in intelligence then, because he only held her tighter rather than letting her go.
This was Wufei. She couldn't let him help her like this. Yet she could feel herself relaxing, turning into the heat of his body, the solid comfort he offered. He was here. She hadn't asked for him to be; he had made his own choice. And she didn't have to feel guilty for taking advantage of that. She didn't.
Exhaustion overtook her in a single move. All the fight drained from her so that she lay limp against him. Unprepared for it, he was almost driven off balance. Now what? The crying had given way to hiccups, and looking down at her, he could see her eyes were closed.
"I told you to go away," she mumbled between hiccups.
He sighed. "I don't take orders from you."
No, she thought sleepily, he would take orders from very few people.
"You're sleepy."
"I'm not weak, Wufei. I don't know why I cried."
Silence. Then, "I didn't say you were weak, Relena."
"But you were thinking it," she yawned.
It almost made him want to laugh. Out of all the things he had been thinking, that wasn't one of them.
Relena was surprised to find she felt safe here, comforted, and most of all, that she didn't want him to leave. She kept waiting for him to make a disparaging comment, or for herself to remember where they were, who they were, and push him away. But neither happened. No rebuke was forthcoming; his arms didn't leave her, they lowered her to the bed, stirring panic. Panic that left her when he only settled her against him.
His eyes were dark and unreadable when she lifted her own to meet them.
"Got to sleep. I don't want you to have nightmares and wake everyone up by screaming," he told her roughly.
"I can't," she countered, fighting the heaviness in her eyelids, the lethargy in her limbs. It wasn't a good idea to sleep with him next to her. Only because he was a man, not because she didn't trust him.
"Be quiet."
She sighed. "I don't think I like you very much at times, Wufei."
He smiled faintly at that.
Relena found that he looked less severe when he did that, almost pleasant.
She was tired, she realized... And it couldn't hurt to sleep for just a few hours.
Wufei watched her eyes close, watched as she relaxed into sleep, a part of him foolishly wondering if it was only because he was here.
"Don't be stupid," he muttered, brushing her hair from her face. She looked more like the girl she had once been. That was deceiving, however, and he would do better to remember that.
Shifting, he tried to get comfortable. With her laying on his arm, it was beginning to fall asleep. But he could not deny that this was pleasant. He was not going to lie to himself.
He hadn't held a woman this way since Meiran, and with her, it had only been that one time, while she lay dying. He hadn't been any better at offering her what she needed then than he was now with Relena. Still, he stayed. She was sleeping now, and he could leave. But he didn't. He closed his eyes instead, and slept with her.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Jannbond on 2002-08-23 16:23 ]</font>
The baby was cradled in his arms and blood warm on his face when Wufei hit his knees, legs weak from relief, disbelief, and something of a mix in between. He couldn't force his eyes away from David, lying limp and broken in a rapidly expanding prison of the same blood that marked him. The baby was alive, but the troubled man was not. Despite his efforts he had been unable to salvage the situation further. Sally Po had never lost a victim, much less a kidnapper. He had. The first time he attempted to talk anyone down, he lost the person. And everyone in here would have the imprint of his death forever embedded in their minds.
When Relena reached him, it was to gently take the baby from him and place her in the arms of her weeping mother. Then, she was kneeling in front of him, concern evident in her eyes. Concern for him, which he didn't need. Smoothing his face out, he nodded once to her before forcing himself to his feet. His legs wobbled faintly, an irritating revelation of his as of yet unsteady state. Now would certainly not be the time to fall apart.
"Wufei..."
His jaw tightened reflexively. He did not need her pity. She could save it for the baby, or the man who lay dead not even three feet away.
"We will need to wait now, as will all those who witnessed this," he told her evenly, giving no indication that he had heard the invitation to weaken where she could see it.
Relena looked to the huddle of people murmuring amongst themselves. They looked too shocked yet to even move from where they had gathered earlier. Her compassion went out to them, because now they would have to endure the endless queries of the authorities. Nevertheless, there was nothing that could be done about it. It had to happen while it was still easy for them to recall. She could understand, but that did not mean she liked it.
Yet, what bothered her most was Wufei's apparent lack of sympathy. That, and the way he had deliberately shut her out. She didn't expect him to consider her a close friend, but she had at least thought they could share this. The dismay, the shock, the vivid reality of it that would never leave. He had saved the child, but lost the man, and if for only a second, she had seen that torment reflected in his eyes.
Looking at him now, the proud set of his shoulders, the elegant lift of his chin, and the lack of inflection on his face, she knew he would admit to nothing. He would pretend as if it didn't bother him, and there was little choice but to go along with that. She didn't know him well enough to pry without the outcome offending him, or possibly even hurting him. If he allowed anything to touch him that closely...
Some of what she was thinking must have shown on her face, for Wufei misread it by replying, "There isn't another option."
Touching the tips of her fingers to her forehead and holding in a sigh, she nodded. "I know."
That was all. No fight, no probe.
Mistrusting that, Wufei continued to watch her. She pulled her hand away, and all he could see was quiet resignation and a firm determination that came from a place it couldn't be beaten back into. Her expression relaxed, and she offered him a practiced smile. Slightly put off by that, he shifted his gaze from her face, touching briefly on the mother and child before coming back to her.
What was he supposed to make of that, her obvious ability to pull her emotions in and become the collected woman she was now? A woman. Even before this, he had thought of her as a girl playing at a woman's political games, with her all-encompassing smiles and light questions meant to lay a foundation for companionable friendship, nothing more. But she wasn't. She knew exactly what she was doing, and what was more, she did it well.
He was disconcerted by this realization for no discernable reason. He couldn't explain the way his view shifted, how he looked at her and saw a completely different person. So he didn't try. He pushed it away and found something else to occupy his mind. It wasn't as if there was a lack of things pulling at his attention. He was very good at forgetting what he didn't want to explore.
Relena couldn't shake the feeling that Wufei was looking at her as if she were some sort of puzzle to take apart and reassemble into a fashion that made more sense. Maybe she didn't fit into any of the carefully made grooves he had created, but it wasn't as if it mattered to her. There were more important things to be taken care of.
It didn't matter that she felt like sitting alone and letting her hurt over this spill out. This time was no different from the others. People needed her to be strong and so she would. She would smile and reassure them of things she could really have no assurance of at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wufei was the last to leave the private office the authorities had secured for questioning, and he was the longest one in. Left with nothing to do but wait, Relena had settled across the hall, forcing herself to stand though her legs wanted desperately to give out on her. When the door opened, her head jerked up to see him. His tie was loosened to a sloppy, limp stretch of cloth trailing listlessly across the dark blazer draped over his arms. In his face there was nothing for her to read. If his eyes were drawn just the slightest bit tighter at the corners, it had to be the lighting. And if his mouth was set thinner than usual, it had to be her imagination.
"They're letting us go to our hotel, and leave in the morning as was planned," he told her, as he unthinkingly took her by the elbow to lead her down the hall. His tone was flat, closed, like the slam of a door hiding whatever might be behind the words.
Rather than comment, she only nodded. It wasn't anything she didn't already know. The officer who had questioned her had said as much as he exchanged her for Wufei. Out of deference for their positions, they were allowing them to return to Earth come morning. They had the addresses and numbers they needed should any more questions arise. Usually, treatment such as this bothered her. In this case, she was grateful for it. She only wanted to leave now.
Wufei had the presence of mind to grab their bags as they passed back through the lobby. Neither looked toward the blocked off area where a forensic team still worked diligently to gather what information they needed. It was clear enough to both of them. They didn't need science to tell them what their eyes had seen and their minds would not forget.
Relena tried to find amusement in the fact that her luggage had no doubt made it to the hotel before her, but she couldn't muster the urge past weariness. She only wanted to take a shower, as if that would wash away everything, and crawl into a bed where she could sleep a few short hours. That would be a while in coming, however, especially since she intended to offer that privilege to Wufei first. Unless he got them separate rooms. At this moment, she was really beyond caring so long as she had a place she could go to where she could shed the illusion of poise she wore like second skin.
He looked at Relena once before they slid into a waiting taxi. After giving the destination in a short, abrupt tone that spoke of how little tolerance he held, he leaned back and closed his eyes. He wanted to rub at them in an attempt to rid them of the grainy feel, but he didn't. He left his hands lying in his lap, and recalled what it felt like to be on the other side of the table.
The officers hadn't been particularly disagreeable. He was well aware that they could have made the situation even more intolerable than it already was. It was only his own insecurity. Some felt that the Preventers were simply another measure of control wrought by former Alliance officers and retired Gundam Pilots that had no right asserting themselves that way. So he had imagined that the officers looked at him, took his failure for what it was, and confirmed that.
"You did what you could, Wufei. When people want to die, I've learned there is nothing you can do to keep them from it."
Relena's soft comment prompted him to open his eyes and regard her silently.
"I don't need your pity, Relena," he informed her quietly.
She looked at him then, a blatant study of his face that didn't bother to hide its intent. "I don't imagine you do."
It wasn't a compliment. It was more like she found him lacking in sense, foolish because he wouldn't accept her rationalizing what happened. The plain truth was, it was his responsibility. He took control of the situation, intent on ending it with everyone leaving that building alive, and failed. He was not, however, going to argue that with her.
It was more than frustrating. It was a paralyzing drowning he could rail against all he wanted, but it was only like treading water against a current stronger than he was. As it had been when he watched his colony die, as it had been when he held his dying wife in his arms, willing her to live.
"What time is it?" Relena asked without preamble, pulling him away from his memories.
"After midnight."
She nodded, her shoulders lowering as if she had permission to be human now. "No wonder I'm so tired."
There was more to it than that. He didn't know if she was trying to convince herself or both of them. The sudden vulnerability in the wake of her calm unsettled him. He wasn't good with comfort. He didn't know how to tell her what she needed to hear because it would be a lie. Had this been Sally Po he would have ridiculed her, would have told her how weak and useless she was being. This was Relena, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her the same.
The interior of the taxi was small enough that she could have reached out and touched him. It was the widening gap between them that made the distance feel endless. There was no excuse for disappointment then, no reason why it should bother her that he would rather forget than share. It was probably better to let it go. No, she knew it was. But knowing and doing where two different things.
Drawing a hand across her eyes, she told herself that she was simply tired. The time since landing and leaving had been a long, draining process and even the former Queen of the World had to bend to silly human emotions now and then.
Snorting in self-derision and self-inflicted amusement, she finally gave in to the weariness and sank into the cushioned seat. Let Wufei make of that what he would. She couldn't be perfectly poised all of the time.
Relena was weary. He was weary. They were all weary. Falling into sleep would be only a temporary escape, however. Tomorrow he would have to stand up under another interrogation from his superior. He knew what she would say. That he was reckless, that he had shoved his way into a situation he was not fully trained for and had no business taking control of. He would tell her it was true, but that given a choice, he would do the same. What else could he do?
The taxi slowed, and Relena let Wufei take care of the tab. She paid little attention to the lobby as they walked to the front desk, offered no smile or greeting to the people they passed, and made no attempt to initiate a conversation with Wufei. She let him relay their reservations to the desk clerk as well, not caring that she was allowing him to take care of everything. At this point, she was tired and only wanted to get to her room. Tomorrow she would prove that she was quite capable of being an adult with no help from him.
It turned out they had adjoining rooms, and that their luggage was already in them. It didn't look as if she needed to worry about allowing Wufei the first shower after all. Before, it hadn't mattered. Now she thought she would gladly have fought him for the right to stand under a numbing hot spray.
Wufei said nothing to her in the elevator and she was grateful. She didn't feel like being kind, or making an attempt to draw him out. It surprised her how much she wanted to be alone. She needed the excuse to be completely selfish now and she couldn't do that if he was with her.
Rather than give her the card key, Wufei opened the door himself and stepped inside. While she watched, he swept the room, going so far as to look in the shower and check under the bed. She wanted to laugh and tell him he was being ridiculous, that no one could possibly know what room she was in, but it caught in her throat and she said nothing instead.
Nodding to her once, he unlocked the door separating their rooms. "Don't lock this."
Relena turned her back on him. In her mind, he was already gone.
He did the same with his room. It wasn't as much precaution as it was simply something to do. Finding nothing, expecting nothing, he looked to the bed only to realize he wasn't tired now. Sleep was far away. He was alone in this room and it seemed too big to him. He had wanted to be by himself, but now he was wondering if that was a mistake. Ridiculous. He needed nothing from anyone, least of all Relena Darlian.
To keep from thinking about it, possibly from changing his mind, he forced himself to lay out the clothing and toiletries he would need for tomorrow. It was only one night, but it was going to be a very long one.
Mechanically, Relena reached down and removed her shoes. Out of habit, she placed them at the foot of her bed and then only stood there, staring at the neatly made spread. She could unpack and find a nightgown. She could gather her shampoo and soap to take the shower she wanted so badly. She did neither, however. Instead, she sank onto the mattress and stared at the carpet.
It began to blur. Her skin burned and her hands shook when she pressed them to her face. Her fingers came away damp. She stared at them with an odd sort of detachment, aware on another level that her entire body had begun to tremble. Why was she crying? The baby lived. Perhaps the man hadn't deserved death, but it was his choice. Nothing could change that now, least of all weeping.
The door between their rooms opened.
She wanted to tell him to go away. Instead, she said, "It won't stop. I don't know why, it just won't."
He stared at her, unmoving, and she thought she saw a ripples of fear break the surface of his smooth expression. Chang Wufei, Preventer, ex-Gundam pilot, was afraid of something as harmless as a woman's tears? It struck her then as humorous, and she laughed. Only it came out as a strangled half-sob, and it was as if that one single hitch gave permission for more to come, until she was outright sobbing and couldn't seem to stop.
Clutching her stomach, she tried to motion him away. He was witnessing her humiliation, and she doubted he would ever let her forget it. She had lost it, proven she was nothing but a weak-willed women after how well she had held up under pressure. Funny, that she would break down now, with nothing threatening her and nothing to fear.
"Dammit, woman," she heard him hiss, and the bed dipped next to her.
"Go away," she ordered him, the words coming out so strangled she could hardly understand them herself.
Wufei had never felt so helpless in all his entire life. Relena had turned into a weeping mess of a woman, and he didn't know the first thing about offering comfort. It was damned humbling to find that he was more terrified of listening to her cry than he had been facing David. She had done so well, been so calm throughout it all, that he had been certain she could handle it.
It was obvious she wasn't. And he wanted to shame her into stopping, but he couldn't say the words.
He reached out hesitantly, touching her arm. She jerked away, curling inward and huddling over, falling into a rocking motion that was both pitiful and wrenching to watch.
"Leave me alone!" He barely understood her. The meaning was clear enough, however, and he wanted nothing more than to obey them. Being a bastard had never bothered him before. Had this been Sally, he would have told her to get a grip on herself and then walked away.
Instead, he took a breath and reached for her again, this time tightening his hold when she would have pulled away.
It wasn't working. She couldn't pull herself back together, and Wufei's clumsy attempt at comfort wasn't helping. He wasn't supposed to care that she was hurting; he was supposed to tell her how useless she was being and then leave. It was apparent she was far from understanding him. But right now she only wanted him to go away.
He didn't leave. She found herself in the circle of his arms, pinned between his thighs, her cheek half resting beneath his chin.
"Stop fighting me," he snapped, and she felt the muscles in his arms tense where she gripped them.
This was stupid of him. She didn't want him here, and he was being a fool by not listening. A smarter man would have taken that and run. Perhaps he was lacking in intelligence then, because he only held her tighter rather than letting her go.
This was Wufei. She couldn't let him help her like this. Yet she could feel herself relaxing, turning into the heat of his body, the solid comfort he offered. He was here. She hadn't asked for him to be; he had made his own choice. And she didn't have to feel guilty for taking advantage of that. She didn't.
Exhaustion overtook her in a single move. All the fight drained from her so that she lay limp against him. Unprepared for it, he was almost driven off balance. Now what? The crying had given way to hiccups, and looking down at her, he could see her eyes were closed.
"I told you to go away," she mumbled between hiccups.
He sighed. "I don't take orders from you."
No, she thought sleepily, he would take orders from very few people.
"You're sleepy."
"I'm not weak, Wufei. I don't know why I cried."
Silence. Then, "I didn't say you were weak, Relena."
"But you were thinking it," she yawned.
It almost made him want to laugh. Out of all the things he had been thinking, that wasn't one of them.
Relena was surprised to find she felt safe here, comforted, and most of all, that she didn't want him to leave. She kept waiting for him to make a disparaging comment, or for herself to remember where they were, who they were, and push him away. But neither happened. No rebuke was forthcoming; his arms didn't leave her, they lowered her to the bed, stirring panic. Panic that left her when he only settled her against him.
His eyes were dark and unreadable when she lifted her own to meet them.
"Got to sleep. I don't want you to have nightmares and wake everyone up by screaming," he told her roughly.
"I can't," she countered, fighting the heaviness in her eyelids, the lethargy in her limbs. It wasn't a good idea to sleep with him next to her. Only because he was a man, not because she didn't trust him.
"Be quiet."
She sighed. "I don't think I like you very much at times, Wufei."
He smiled faintly at that.
Relena found that he looked less severe when he did that, almost pleasant.
She was tired, she realized... And it couldn't hurt to sleep for just a few hours.
Wufei watched her eyes close, watched as she relaxed into sleep, a part of him foolishly wondering if it was only because he was here.
"Don't be stupid," he muttered, brushing her hair from her face. She looked more like the girl she had once been. That was deceiving, however, and he would do better to remember that.
Shifting, he tried to get comfortable. With her laying on his arm, it was beginning to fall asleep. But he could not deny that this was pleasant. He was not going to lie to himself.
He hadn't held a woman this way since Meiran, and with her, it had only been that one time, while she lay dying. He hadn't been any better at offering her what she needed then than he was now with Relena. Still, he stayed. She was sleeping now, and he could leave. But he didn't. He closed his eyes instead, and slept with her.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Jannbond on 2002-08-23 16:23 ]</font>