(99 Ways) Belated Realizations
Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2003 3:32 am
Belated Realizations
Written By: SimplyTurquoise
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, what I do lay claim to is the organization of the words strung together to form this ficlet.
**
Love.
How does one define it?
Affection, attachment, devotion, fondness, adoration, yearning--- the list went on, but how did one truly define the word love?
It was so complex in nature; so different from everything he had ever learned. It was a word some used loosely--- others used sparingly. Where someone could say ?I love you? to a completely different meaning of ?How I love the winter snow? a word that could be used for a multitude of phrases.
Heero could remember faintly the love he felt for distant person he no longer remembered, as he was too young, it was a feeling that seemed to wrap warmly about him like a winter coat or even a roaring fire. But it was so much different from the way he felt now.
But was it love?
He wasn?t sure. The only surety he possessed on the topic was the complex variety of emotions he did feel for her.
He liked her--- something that was said to be a completely altogether different feeling, or at least that?s what he?d been told by his ever-constant companion. But it didn?t stop Duo from urging that he was indeed in love with her, and his hesitance was nothing more than his fear from commitment and lack of social skills.
And he wanted to believe him--- truly wanted to believe that he loved her, this woman that had been the very reason he had stayed alive for so long--- could that be proof of his love as well?
Yet how was it--- this woman who stood in front of millions talking of peace, her words capturing the hearts of all those who listened.
Her speeches, the warmth that seemed radiate off her being just seemed to win them over--- had convinced the majority of them that her ideals were the way to everlasting peace, to a universal agreement between all people no matter the difference of one?s culture.
It had taken years--- even in the middle of her teenage years where she should have been hanging out with friends, going out to party, socializing with people her age and not diplomats where she was made to negotiate peace between two battling nations. She had lost a part of her childhood--- something she never would be able to obtain.
And most of all, through everything, she had stayed by his side as well.
After threats of his killing her, after time after time of his ignoring her, giving her the cold shoulder and dislodging her views of peace--- she stood by his side. Her warm eyes looking upon him in an affection he didn?t understand, couldn?t quite grasp at the time.
Until now.
She loved him--- he understood that.
Or at least she had loved him.
But---
It had been no more than a month ago--- another threat in his midst as he stood in constant watch of Relena. Protecting her from the small percentage that still wanted to overthrow her power despite her no longer ruling.
There were very few who did not understand the influential power she still held, and so it was a twenty-four seven watch over her--- something he, surprising himself, was more than willing to take up the job.
Over the years, he had begun to understand the soft looks that seemed meant for only him when she looked his way--- and he knew deep down that he even liked the way she would look at him when she thought no one watching.
But the look she expressed to only him started to ebb away after a time as one of Relena?s constant suitors seemed to finally crack through the barrier of steal she kept about her heart. Somehow, to Heero?s own shock the suitor had wormed his way into her heart--- and it was none other than one of Heero?s only friends.
Quatre Winner--- one of the five gundam pilots who had fought alongside him.
Never in his life had he ever thought that him of all people would go after Relena--- after all the insinuating rumors of him and Dorothy, even the rumor of Quatre being in love with another of the Gundam pilots, Trowa, but as it was they had turned out to be lies.
So it was, with a shock and a rather large mental slap in the face that Heero saw the announcements of Relena and Quatre being an item.
Oh, in the past months Quatre had been a bit warmer towards the Vice Foreign Minister--- had taken her out to dinner and met up with her at political parties where all those with influential power would gather. But it wasn?t anything new, Quatre was after all in charge of Winner Enterprise, and was fortune to great sums of money that instantly put him into greater power than even some of the smaller political offices that were held.
Money after all, can gain such influence among those with power.
Except Heero thought nothing of it, they were friends, traveled in the same social circles, and had very much in common with one another. Of course they were good friends.
So how was it, that he didn?t read the signs?
Didn?t he notice the soft glow in Relena?s eyes slowly turn to a less interested look to one that was just friendly?
But he hadn?t.
He had been blind.
Something that tore at him every waking hour and every minute his eyes landed upon the two of them together.
Because it was his own fault--- had he not been so blind to the look usually resigned for him now being directed at Quatre, and a very similar look in his eyes as well, he might very well have stopped the whole thing from every happening.
But Heero was never truly taught about the feeling of love, only that it was a feeling that made one weak and was therefore to be avoided at all costs. Which was hardly difficult for him at the time as love had never been a part of his life.
Yet, it became apparent that the two were becoming much closer--- and Heero could at that point feel a hard clenching around his heart that seemed to tug endlessly as he thought of the two of them together.
What was he to do?
He knew--- knew that he didn?t like the situation one bit, that Relena could not be with Quatre, just like none of the other suitors could be with her as well because they couldn?t possibly be meant for one another. She was too good for them--- too good for them all.
Despite it, he did want her to be happy--- and it was then he came upon the only solution he could think of. The only idea that seemed to ease the tension building within his chest.
Even if he didn?t know how deeply he liked Relena, no matter how much he was unsure of what the meaning of love was, and whether or not he was indeed in love with her like she had been with him.
It was then, at that moment a month ago--- Heero, climbing through her window in a somewhat desperate manner, as his solution had just come upon him no more than an hour ago.
Stumbling a bit, but quieter than a mouse (a talent that which Heero possessed) he came tip towing away from her window towards the dark lump laying directly in the middle of her bed--- her sheets covering the lower half of her form while the long locks of her golden hair strewed about her head in a long tangling mass urging Heero to run his hands through the strands of blonde hair.
Heero, quietly touch the ends of her hair with the tips of his fingers before losing his nerve and quickly taking the digits away as if he had committed some crime against the balance of nature itself.
But the rustle of his clothing, hardly making a sound, seemed to wake her instantly. Too used to early waking calls and a bit more sensitive to the sounds of people coming into her bedroom, as it wasn?t such an uncommon event in her household.
Turning to look at Relena he was surprised to see her wide-awake eyes staring at him, the thought of those eyes seeing past his barriers flitted across his mind. Moving slowly, by balancing her weight on her arms, she pushed herself into a sitting position--- a loss of modesty as she wore something akin to a rather large shirt, which proved to show nothing more than the idea of curves.
Confusion seemed to flash across her face as Heero?s unannounced entrance hadn?t been a regular occurrence for quite a long while, leaning closer Relena whispered in a quiet voice, ?Heero, what are you doing here at-? she flicked her eyes to the soft glow of her alarm clock before centering her eyes once again upon his own, ?three in the morning? Has a threat been-?
But Heero chose to shake his head, stopping her mid-sentence as there was no need to worry her of anyone coming to terrorize her like in the past.
?I?? he paused briefly as he wondered at his stupidity for not thinking ahead, having no idea how to go about with his solution. But it was a minor inconvenience as he was prone to be blunt about most situations, so taking to the edge of her bed while reaching out to grasp the nearest hand he asked her in his usual monotonous voices, ??I think the two of us should be married.?
There, he said it.
At this point, Heero expected a very excited girl to jump into the embrace of his arms in enjoyment at his newly made statement.
What he hadn?t expected was the words that came out of her mouth after the initial shock of his statement that the two of them should be married.
?I can?t.?
The question was instant, the words tumbling out of his mouth, ?Why not??
And it was, with a sad sort of pitying look sent his way that Relena lifted the opposite hand he was holding, a flash upon one of her fingers in the soft glow of the moonlight.
An engagement ring--- the shock, though surprisingly kept from his face, must have registered as he quickly dropped her hand, the soft sound of her voice apologizing as she told him how Quatre had asked her to marry him not two days before.
The previous clenching on his heart came full force back as the realization of the situation seemed to take affect--- and quickly turning away while ignoring the soft pleas of his name from Relena he quickly strode his way across her room and out the window he had climbed up only a quarter of an hour before.
How quickly his hope had died within the instance of two words strung together to refuse a proposal he couldn?t even fathom her denying.
Didn?t she love him?
So it had been, and so it was, as he stood hidden among the rafters of the church remembering the details behind his being there--- his eyes roaming about the church as he watched the ceremony between the two take place. The cheers nearing the end of the ceremony filling St. John?s with shouts, echoing loudly as the words ??and I pronounce you, Husband and Wife?. And it was there that Heero finally came to a conclusion that was too late in the making.
He was in love with Relena.
And he was too late.
**
Authors Note: I hope I gave enough justification as to Relena saying ?no? as I remember somewhat distantly about Relena having to say ?yes? to Heero if he ever proposes, but as she was an already taken woman, she couldn?t possibly say ?yes? to him. So I do hope this counts for the challenge. Anyways, I do hope (third time I?ve used that word) you enjoyed this. And please Review?
Written By: SimplyTurquoise
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, what I do lay claim to is the organization of the words strung together to form this ficlet.
**
Love.
How does one define it?
Affection, attachment, devotion, fondness, adoration, yearning--- the list went on, but how did one truly define the word love?
It was so complex in nature; so different from everything he had ever learned. It was a word some used loosely--- others used sparingly. Where someone could say ?I love you? to a completely different meaning of ?How I love the winter snow? a word that could be used for a multitude of phrases.
Heero could remember faintly the love he felt for distant person he no longer remembered, as he was too young, it was a feeling that seemed to wrap warmly about him like a winter coat or even a roaring fire. But it was so much different from the way he felt now.
But was it love?
He wasn?t sure. The only surety he possessed on the topic was the complex variety of emotions he did feel for her.
He liked her--- something that was said to be a completely altogether different feeling, or at least that?s what he?d been told by his ever-constant companion. But it didn?t stop Duo from urging that he was indeed in love with her, and his hesitance was nothing more than his fear from commitment and lack of social skills.
And he wanted to believe him--- truly wanted to believe that he loved her, this woman that had been the very reason he had stayed alive for so long--- could that be proof of his love as well?
Yet how was it--- this woman who stood in front of millions talking of peace, her words capturing the hearts of all those who listened.
Her speeches, the warmth that seemed radiate off her being just seemed to win them over--- had convinced the majority of them that her ideals were the way to everlasting peace, to a universal agreement between all people no matter the difference of one?s culture.
It had taken years--- even in the middle of her teenage years where she should have been hanging out with friends, going out to party, socializing with people her age and not diplomats where she was made to negotiate peace between two battling nations. She had lost a part of her childhood--- something she never would be able to obtain.
And most of all, through everything, she had stayed by his side as well.
After threats of his killing her, after time after time of his ignoring her, giving her the cold shoulder and dislodging her views of peace--- she stood by his side. Her warm eyes looking upon him in an affection he didn?t understand, couldn?t quite grasp at the time.
Until now.
She loved him--- he understood that.
Or at least she had loved him.
But---
It had been no more than a month ago--- another threat in his midst as he stood in constant watch of Relena. Protecting her from the small percentage that still wanted to overthrow her power despite her no longer ruling.
There were very few who did not understand the influential power she still held, and so it was a twenty-four seven watch over her--- something he, surprising himself, was more than willing to take up the job.
Over the years, he had begun to understand the soft looks that seemed meant for only him when she looked his way--- and he knew deep down that he even liked the way she would look at him when she thought no one watching.
But the look she expressed to only him started to ebb away after a time as one of Relena?s constant suitors seemed to finally crack through the barrier of steal she kept about her heart. Somehow, to Heero?s own shock the suitor had wormed his way into her heart--- and it was none other than one of Heero?s only friends.
Quatre Winner--- one of the five gundam pilots who had fought alongside him.
Never in his life had he ever thought that him of all people would go after Relena--- after all the insinuating rumors of him and Dorothy, even the rumor of Quatre being in love with another of the Gundam pilots, Trowa, but as it was they had turned out to be lies.
So it was, with a shock and a rather large mental slap in the face that Heero saw the announcements of Relena and Quatre being an item.
Oh, in the past months Quatre had been a bit warmer towards the Vice Foreign Minister--- had taken her out to dinner and met up with her at political parties where all those with influential power would gather. But it wasn?t anything new, Quatre was after all in charge of Winner Enterprise, and was fortune to great sums of money that instantly put him into greater power than even some of the smaller political offices that were held.
Money after all, can gain such influence among those with power.
Except Heero thought nothing of it, they were friends, traveled in the same social circles, and had very much in common with one another. Of course they were good friends.
So how was it, that he didn?t read the signs?
Didn?t he notice the soft glow in Relena?s eyes slowly turn to a less interested look to one that was just friendly?
But he hadn?t.
He had been blind.
Something that tore at him every waking hour and every minute his eyes landed upon the two of them together.
Because it was his own fault--- had he not been so blind to the look usually resigned for him now being directed at Quatre, and a very similar look in his eyes as well, he might very well have stopped the whole thing from every happening.
But Heero was never truly taught about the feeling of love, only that it was a feeling that made one weak and was therefore to be avoided at all costs. Which was hardly difficult for him at the time as love had never been a part of his life.
Yet, it became apparent that the two were becoming much closer--- and Heero could at that point feel a hard clenching around his heart that seemed to tug endlessly as he thought of the two of them together.
What was he to do?
He knew--- knew that he didn?t like the situation one bit, that Relena could not be with Quatre, just like none of the other suitors could be with her as well because they couldn?t possibly be meant for one another. She was too good for them--- too good for them all.
Despite it, he did want her to be happy--- and it was then he came upon the only solution he could think of. The only idea that seemed to ease the tension building within his chest.
Even if he didn?t know how deeply he liked Relena, no matter how much he was unsure of what the meaning of love was, and whether or not he was indeed in love with her like she had been with him.
It was then, at that moment a month ago--- Heero, climbing through her window in a somewhat desperate manner, as his solution had just come upon him no more than an hour ago.
Stumbling a bit, but quieter than a mouse (a talent that which Heero possessed) he came tip towing away from her window towards the dark lump laying directly in the middle of her bed--- her sheets covering the lower half of her form while the long locks of her golden hair strewed about her head in a long tangling mass urging Heero to run his hands through the strands of blonde hair.
Heero, quietly touch the ends of her hair with the tips of his fingers before losing his nerve and quickly taking the digits away as if he had committed some crime against the balance of nature itself.
But the rustle of his clothing, hardly making a sound, seemed to wake her instantly. Too used to early waking calls and a bit more sensitive to the sounds of people coming into her bedroom, as it wasn?t such an uncommon event in her household.
Turning to look at Relena he was surprised to see her wide-awake eyes staring at him, the thought of those eyes seeing past his barriers flitted across his mind. Moving slowly, by balancing her weight on her arms, she pushed herself into a sitting position--- a loss of modesty as she wore something akin to a rather large shirt, which proved to show nothing more than the idea of curves.
Confusion seemed to flash across her face as Heero?s unannounced entrance hadn?t been a regular occurrence for quite a long while, leaning closer Relena whispered in a quiet voice, ?Heero, what are you doing here at-? she flicked her eyes to the soft glow of her alarm clock before centering her eyes once again upon his own, ?three in the morning? Has a threat been-?
But Heero chose to shake his head, stopping her mid-sentence as there was no need to worry her of anyone coming to terrorize her like in the past.
?I?? he paused briefly as he wondered at his stupidity for not thinking ahead, having no idea how to go about with his solution. But it was a minor inconvenience as he was prone to be blunt about most situations, so taking to the edge of her bed while reaching out to grasp the nearest hand he asked her in his usual monotonous voices, ??I think the two of us should be married.?
There, he said it.
At this point, Heero expected a very excited girl to jump into the embrace of his arms in enjoyment at his newly made statement.
What he hadn?t expected was the words that came out of her mouth after the initial shock of his statement that the two of them should be married.
?I can?t.?
The question was instant, the words tumbling out of his mouth, ?Why not??
And it was, with a sad sort of pitying look sent his way that Relena lifted the opposite hand he was holding, a flash upon one of her fingers in the soft glow of the moonlight.
An engagement ring--- the shock, though surprisingly kept from his face, must have registered as he quickly dropped her hand, the soft sound of her voice apologizing as she told him how Quatre had asked her to marry him not two days before.
The previous clenching on his heart came full force back as the realization of the situation seemed to take affect--- and quickly turning away while ignoring the soft pleas of his name from Relena he quickly strode his way across her room and out the window he had climbed up only a quarter of an hour before.
How quickly his hope had died within the instance of two words strung together to refuse a proposal he couldn?t even fathom her denying.
Didn?t she love him?
So it had been, and so it was, as he stood hidden among the rafters of the church remembering the details behind his being there--- his eyes roaming about the church as he watched the ceremony between the two take place. The cheers nearing the end of the ceremony filling St. John?s with shouts, echoing loudly as the words ??and I pronounce you, Husband and Wife?. And it was there that Heero finally came to a conclusion that was too late in the making.
He was in love with Relena.
And he was too late.
**
Authors Note: I hope I gave enough justification as to Relena saying ?no? as I remember somewhat distantly about Relena having to say ?yes? to Heero if he ever proposes, but as she was an already taken woman, she couldn?t possibly say ?yes? to him. So I do hope this counts for the challenge. Anyways, I do hope (third time I?ve used that word) you enjoyed this. And please Review?
Awesome work. There are very few fics that give me this feeling. 
Anywho, jolly good story and I enjoyed reading it a lot! It's been forever since I've been here and this is certainly something to come back to! You have helped me realize how much I miss this place!