Hole in My Heart
Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2003 7:53 am
Hole in My Heart
Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN.
Current mood: the same...which is actually called moody and at the same time very word-ish. Expressing my feelings through words. First fanfic, so don't laugh.
I don't know why I never told you I loved you. All I know is that I'm scared of myself, of revealing my scars, pains and feelings. Will you love me after I have stripped myself, leaving my true self naked? I must not show you. You must not see. But I know it will happen in the future. You must not live, your eyes must not live, for they are the only eyes that can pierce a human through the heart. I know that killing you is the only way I will ever remain invincible, and at the same time, leave a scar. But what is that scar? It is only another added to my collection, your dead body an addition to the thousands I have killed with my bare hands, my gun, or my Gundam.
I sit quietly, your bodyguard, loading my gun, watching over you as you sleep. You do not know the turmoil in my mind. You are ever innocent. Pure and innocent. Two things I never was when I became the Perfect Soldier. Why do I hesitate to tell you I love you? I wonder as I release the safety catch of the gun, pulling it downwards. I know the answer. It is because I am scared. No, terrified, in fact.
I am being foolish. I have been in the face of danger, proven my courage a thousand times, and now...I am afraid of baring my scarred soul to you. That was why I hesitated, Relena, from pulling the trigger. But now, I have made up my mind. You need to die. You have to see the truth: the real me. I will never bare my soul to the world. I will not show them.
But you haven't seen it yet. I know you love me. You have not seen my soul. Will you love me after this? The answer, I know, is no. You are too innocent to be stained with me. I will kill you. I will kill you to save you from me, to save myself from giving away my true soul. I almost smirk as you bolt up in bed, your bright blue pools of eyes staring into the darkness. "Heero," she says softly.
My heart almost melts. But it does not. I raise the gun, and I watch as your eyes widen. "Why?" she asks softly.
Oh, Relena. I want to tell you so, my mind sighs. But it must not be. We are not meant to be. Me, a cold-blooded soldier, and you, an innocent soul. Your blue eyes remain soft as they travel from my gun to my face. I feel her scrutiny, and I feel her love developing into...understanding? I am shocked. She understands.
"I see." Two words, with so much power. She raises her head. She is prepared to die. Her eyes tell me so. She knows I cannot give her my soul. She is ready to die. Her love is still there. My love is still there. I do not hate her. She does not hate me. She understands me. A rare gift. She closes her eyes.
"Relena." They snap open, engulfing me in drowning blue. Her name is enough. She knows. She understands. She loves me. I love her. It is enough. I feel the weight lift from my shoulders. And instead, the weight presses on my gun, causing it to drop and clatter to the floor.
"I love you."
I bare my soul. She smiles. It does not hurt. It is a relief. I will only bare my soul to her. I love her. And I cried on her shoulder that night. Your death will not leave a scar on my soul...it will leave a hole in my heart.
The End
---------------------
Sob! No laughing, please! It's my first fanfic, so be kind. I was feeling kinda depressed today. So I just wrote this.
<img src="http://kurokioku.net/quiz/live/poem.gif" border="0"><br><br>
this is my way to live<br>
<a href="http://kurokioku.net/quiz/live/" target="_blank">What about yours?</a><br>
made by <a href="mailto:raven0n@hotmail.com">rav-chan</a></p>
Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN.
Current mood: the same...which is actually called moody and at the same time very word-ish. Expressing my feelings through words. First fanfic, so don't laugh.
I don't know why I never told you I loved you. All I know is that I'm scared of myself, of revealing my scars, pains and feelings. Will you love me after I have stripped myself, leaving my true self naked? I must not show you. You must not see. But I know it will happen in the future. You must not live, your eyes must not live, for they are the only eyes that can pierce a human through the heart. I know that killing you is the only way I will ever remain invincible, and at the same time, leave a scar. But what is that scar? It is only another added to my collection, your dead body an addition to the thousands I have killed with my bare hands, my gun, or my Gundam.
I sit quietly, your bodyguard, loading my gun, watching over you as you sleep. You do not know the turmoil in my mind. You are ever innocent. Pure and innocent. Two things I never was when I became the Perfect Soldier. Why do I hesitate to tell you I love you? I wonder as I release the safety catch of the gun, pulling it downwards. I know the answer. It is because I am scared. No, terrified, in fact.
I am being foolish. I have been in the face of danger, proven my courage a thousand times, and now...I am afraid of baring my scarred soul to you. That was why I hesitated, Relena, from pulling the trigger. But now, I have made up my mind. You need to die. You have to see the truth: the real me. I will never bare my soul to the world. I will not show them.
But you haven't seen it yet. I know you love me. You have not seen my soul. Will you love me after this? The answer, I know, is no. You are too innocent to be stained with me. I will kill you. I will kill you to save you from me, to save myself from giving away my true soul. I almost smirk as you bolt up in bed, your bright blue pools of eyes staring into the darkness. "Heero," she says softly.
My heart almost melts. But it does not. I raise the gun, and I watch as your eyes widen. "Why?" she asks softly.
Oh, Relena. I want to tell you so, my mind sighs. But it must not be. We are not meant to be. Me, a cold-blooded soldier, and you, an innocent soul. Your blue eyes remain soft as they travel from my gun to my face. I feel her scrutiny, and I feel her love developing into...understanding? I am shocked. She understands.
"I see." Two words, with so much power. She raises her head. She is prepared to die. Her eyes tell me so. She knows I cannot give her my soul. She is ready to die. Her love is still there. My love is still there. I do not hate her. She does not hate me. She understands me. A rare gift. She closes her eyes.
"Relena." They snap open, engulfing me in drowning blue. Her name is enough. She knows. She understands. She loves me. I love her. It is enough. I feel the weight lift from my shoulders. And instead, the weight presses on my gun, causing it to drop and clatter to the floor.
"I love you."
I bare my soul. She smiles. It does not hurt. It is a relief. I will only bare my soul to her. I love her. And I cried on her shoulder that night. Your death will not leave a scar on my soul...it will leave a hole in my heart.
The End
---------------------
Sob! No laughing, please! It's my first fanfic, so be kind. I was feeling kinda depressed today. So I just wrote this.
<img src="http://kurokioku.net/quiz/live/poem.gif" border="0"><br><br>
this is my way to live<br>
<a href="http://kurokioku.net/quiz/live/" target="_blank">What about yours?</a><br>
made by <a href="mailto:raven0n@hotmail.com">rav-chan</a></p>
so...beautiful! i loved it! i am so glad Heero decided not to kill Relena then it would be a real tragedy! not bad for a first fic! keep up the good work! 