A Night At The Opera, part five {Chapter 22}

[dd]

Tessa & Sousuke moments. Trumped by Kaname & Sousuke moments.
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The walk to the train had been uneventful. The train ride went smooth. The stroll from the train to Tessa's apartment went without incident.

Most of the time, Tessa and Sousuke were both silent. They were tired, They were doing a lot of thinking. There certainly had been a lot to think about.

Tessa remembered the things that had led up to her date with Sousuke. The fax. The condom. The misunderstandings and explanations. The homework papers. The confrontation with Kaname. The shooting contest and its unexpected results.

She also remembered her feelings throughout it all. She recalled the excitement and apprehension she had felt during the days preceding her date. She reminisced over her extensive preparations, material and mental.

Tessa smiled while she was remembered the fun parts of the day. Teasing Sousuke. The way Sousuke looked when he first stopped by her apartment. Surprising herself with her own vamp routine. The pleasant breakfast. Discovering Kaname in the tackle shop. The good times at Fish-On Ouzenj. The risque moments at that same establishment. Her happiness in the shower. Sousuke's reaction to her evening dress. The stroll to the opera. The opera itself. Sousuke's galantry and protectiveness towards her and towards the elderly women. The feeling of freedom when she left the opera house and went for a stroll in the park. Watching Sousuke fight for her in the park. Getting to throw that grenade. Bringing ice cream to the orphans. Watching Sousuke with the children. In some ways, it was the best of days.

There were things that brought a frown to her face as well. Those were less pleasant to remember, but it was probably good that she did so. She felt some guilt in the way that she acted towards Sousuke, knowing that it made him uncomfortable, and feeling as if she somehow betrayed Kaname's trust. She shocked herself with some of the things she was willing to do to get Sousuke's attention and approval. She struggled with herself, trying to decide just what she wanted from him. The memories of the opera house would always be a mixed bag, too. How could they not? The guards' initial actions led her to question her faith in public servants. Sousuke's disappearence with the guards had her very concerned for him. His actions against the rude patron were flattering and disturbing at the same time. The time with the gangsters was a blur, and she didn't know if she ever wanted things to come into clearer focus.

True, she had done what was necessary to survive, and for a time had done it without Sousuke. She had banded together with Kaname and Kyouko when she needed to. She had seen things that were horrific. In the name of personal survival, she had done things that were terrible. She shivered thinking how many times she had come close to death. In some ways, this was the worst of days.

She sighed, thinking about Sousuke. He was certainly high maintenance! She could understand Kaname's attraction to him, and her frustrations as well. He certainly had a way of creating havoc. But, he was remarkable in his ability to deal with crises that arose from other peoples' actions. He would be too good to be true if he outgrew the former. He would be a nightmare needing to be dealt with if he ever lost the latter.

What did she want from him? Had she gotten everything she needed? Or, had this time with him made her hope for even more? She knew it would be difficult separating her thoughts from her emotions. She needed time to examine both, unbiased. This day was supposed to answer her questions!!!

What did she want tonight? Part of her just wanted to forget everything and go to bed. Part of her wanted a sweet kiss good night. There were places in her heart crying out for romantic kisses, even though she knew they were highly unlikely. There was even a slow burning part that wanted more...much more.

What did Sousuke want?

*************************************************************

Tessa looked like she was deeply in thought.

That was enough to make Sousuke think. What did Tessa think about their date? Had he done what she expected? Had he done it well? Did she expect something more? Would she tell him what it was, or would he be at great risk of failure, left to his own devices? Could he do whatever it was she wanted and still be true to himself...or Kaname?

He had done the things that Kaname told him to do. He had followed Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin's advice. He had heeded Melissa's warnings. He had totally ignored Kurz. And he had followed his own heart as best as he could understand it. He had seen Tessa smile. She had laughed. There were hugs. He had been surprised by quick kisses. What did it all mean? What were his own feelings? His thoughts continually drifted back to Kaname.

The obvious comparisons came of thir own accord, before he was ready to tackle that subject. There were so many things that were different. But there were striking similarities as well.

Sousuke had felt an awakening around Kaname. She had turned keys and opened locks he had never known were there. But Tessa took the locks away, and helped him see even further inside himself. No doubt, that step taken, Kaname might advance things even further. Where would it all end? Did he owe anything to either of them. Was there a debt involved?

His time with Tessa had been very pleasant. He had enjoyed a day where he was treated as if he were special just the way he was. He never realized just how powerful something like that could be. Just the same, he didn't know if he was ready for something like that on a more permanent basis. Not because of the way Kaname treated him, and the way he felt about her. More because of the entire life he had lived...the things that had been done and said to him...the things that had been expected of him...the things he had done to himself.

Some things took time.

This was not a mission. And he realized that emotions and feelings were not like facts, plot coordinates, and probabilities. However, he still might be able to apply similar methods in analysis. He could take things away, and see what effect that action might have on his life. He could add things, and see how that might effect the the outcome.

There were four major combinations. Kaname AND Tessa. Kaname, but not Tessa. Tessa, but not Kaname. Neither Kaname NOR Tessa.

He tried to picture how his life might be in each of those instances. There were definite benefits to being chased by two special young women. If one eventually won his heart, he would be very fortunate indeed. But if one of them lost their heart in the process, could he be happy?

Continuing on with Kaname would be pleasant. He might feel some degree of sadness for Tessa, but the two of them did not yet have anywhere near the level of closeness he shared with Kaname. He had done what he could with Tessa, and had not walked away untouched or unimpressed. But, he had the power to keep things from getting more complicated.

He thought about life without Kaname. That life might indeed come. He had once foolishly asked the people in the Statistics & Probability Division to print him out the percentages regarding teenage romances. The numbers were bleak. They offered scant assurances. But, what did numbers mean? He had made a similar mistake once, asking about the probabilities of life and death on early missions. He was still alive, despite what the numbers had said. In any case, Kaname might be gone from his life some day, by choice or by act of God.

He could survive without her. He had, after all, done just that for most of his days. And if she were gone, he could see Tessa filling the void in his heart. He was not certain whether what because of what Tessa was herself...or whether it might be that she was some form of consolation prize. The former might be a wonderful thing to consider some day. The latter would be unfair to both of them.

Life without either was not comfortable to consider right now, but it would not necesarily be empty and hopeless. Quite the contrary. Both girls had showed him that there were things he wanted, that he may not have happened upon on his own. Things he might find with one or the other, and not someone else. And both had helped him carry his thoughts one step further, causing him to address the possibility that there were further things to explore, that neither of them was suited for.

Life was no simpler, in some ways, even though some things had become sharper in focus. Possibly, things were more complicated than ever before. But, Sousuke was now ready to accept uncertainty as a part of life...something to view as a challenge...not something that spoke of weakness or misfortune. His reactions when he saw Kaname again would certainly be telling.

His choices were difficult. But the potential benefits were great. There were risks inherent in growing up. There were rewards as well.

*************************************************************

Both Sousuke's and Tessa's hearts were beating quickly when they reached her door. The time for thought was gone. It was a matter of doing or not doing. Kismet.

"I had a wonderful day Sousuke. And a wonderful evening. Thank you so very much." Tessa's heart was in her eyes, and it fluttered like a frightened bird. "I hope you enjoyed yourself too. I hope it wasn't just a formality."

"It was not a formality, Tessa. To be honest...it had started out that way. It did not end that way. You made me feel things I have never felt before, and wonder if I will ever feel again. I should thank you as well."

They both stood quiet for a few moments, the silence awkward between them. "I---" "I---" They both tried to break the silence at the same time, smiling when they realized that they were both filled with mixed emotions. They both waited for the other to speak, smiling at that as well.

Souske starfted to speak, but Tessa put a finger to his mouth, stopping him. She then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and turned to hurry in her door, leaving things at that.

"Tessa, please. Wait. There is something I would like to do."

Tessa stood still, shivering ever so slightly. She didn't turn until Souske put his hands on both of her shoulders, and gently turned her about.
He looked down into her eyes a moment, not knowing what he wanted to see...not knowing what Tessa might see. We bent over and kissed her forehead tenderly, for a few moments. This was not about love, or about romance. It was about warm feelings nonetheless.

Sousuke stepped back and spoke very quietly. "It was a wonderful night. I cannot say that it will ever lead to what you might want. But I would not wish this night away."

"Thank you" was all that Tessa had time to whisper before the door opened.

Melissa stood in the door.

"I had hoped to find the two of you out here naked, too eager to make it through the door." That was certainly a mood breaker. "Oh...did I interupt a special moment?" She raised an eyebrow. Both Tessa and Sousuke blushed. "I was sent here to make certain that Tessa did not spend time in this apartment at night...unwatched. But, I will gladly accept the key to YOUR apartment Sousuke, if you want to stay here instead!"

Both Tessa and Sousuke were angry. Sousuke, because it ruined a gesture he had made. Tessa, because it stole away the moments that followed something special.

Sosuke struck first, emboldened by his anger. "I must say, Sgt. Major Mao...you are becoming more and more like Sgt. Weber every day. Soon, I will not be able to tell either of you apart. Except for the chest area!" Sousuke was gratified by the shock and anger he saw on Melissa's face.

That earned Sousuke a hug from Tessa. A hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

It was Tessa's turn. "Things will be interesting this time Sgt. major. There shall be no competition, but I will be in an M6...and you will be naked. I will chase you around the base. If you survive, you may consider yourself in my doghouse. If you are destroyed, I will consider you forgiven. Are we agreed?!" No one there was certain whether or not Tessa was joking. Not even Tessa.

"Uh--" Melissa said.

"Uh?" Sousuke said. "Uh!!!"

Tessa and Sousuke looked at each other...Sousuke smiled...Tessa laughed

When they stopped, they turned and saw Melissa's face. That started the smile and the laughter all over again. Melissa closed the door, hard. More laughter.

"It would not be right for me to stay, Tessa."

"I know, Sousuke. I'm like you. I'm not entirely certain what I really want. But I wouldn't trade this day for anything."

Tessa went to her room. Sousuke went home.

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Kaname had sent Kyouko home alone after making certain she would be okay. She had assured Kaname that she would be. Kaname gave her a hug, and thanked her, close to tears.

Kaname had then gone shopping for a number of things she needed. There was something she felt compelled to do, and she knew just how she wanted to approach things. She was frightened...there might very well be a lot on the line tonight. But, she would go through with it. Better now than later. She would show up on the news. Her picture would be on the cover of a magazine. Sousuke would find out anyway.

When she was finished shopping, she went home for a quick shower and a change of clothes. She than went to Sousuke's apartment.

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When Sousuke first caught sight of his door, he had mixed feelings. Strong feelings. There had been someone he had missed at times throughout the day. That same person was someone he had not been mentally or emotionally prepared to see just yet, after his last moments with Tessa.

Kaname was sitting outside of his door, waiting. From the distance, he could not tell if she were awake or asleep. He recalled a traumatic time in his life, a time of great loss in his homeland. When he had returned, Kaname had been waiting outside his door, a blue dolphin keychain dangling from her hand.

His step was measured, very quite. Still, Kaname did not need to look up to know Sousuke was there. "Sousuke." That was all that she said.

"Kaname. Is there something wrong?" He was puzzled and somewhat concerned. Suddenly, his discomfort over Tessa vanished.

"There may be. May I come in and speak with you?" Her voice was very flat, but held hints of both fear and hope.

"Certainly. Any time. Always."

"Thank you, Sousuke."

When Kaname stood up, Sousuke found himself catching his breath. It was the second time today he had been stunned by the majesty of the female form. Kaname was wearing a blouse that had rivaled Tessa's early outfit.

There were two major differences. Make that three. She was significantly better endowed than Tessa: while her neckline might not be any more revealing than Tessa's had been, there was certainly more to reveal. In contrast, there was clearly something that Kaname lacked, that Tessa had had. Sousuke had a difficult time thinking the word, so he thought out the letters: b...r...a...

What was Kaname doing? Had she gone out like this, and something happened she was concerned about? Was there something she expected from him? Why would that be a problem?

Kaname watched Sousuke's expression. At any other time, she would have been very gratified, if she didn't keel over with embarrassment.

When they walked into the apartment, Sosuke swept his arm towards the couch, directing Kaname towards her usual perch. She stood while he sat down. She then knelt by his feet, and bowed her head.

"Kaname...what?" Sousuke was growing more concerned by the moment.

Not looking up, Kaname pulled items out of the bag she brought with her. Sousuke fought to keep his eyes on the items, not Kaname.

A single taiyaki, a fish-shaped pastry filled with red bean paste.

A pair of opera glasses.

A small carton of ice cream.

Kaname was silent, waiting to see if Sousuke would arrive at the truth on his own. To Sousuke's credit, it did not take long.

"I see. Kaname, was it you in the mouse costume?" Kaname nodded her head without looking up.

"Was it your voice I heard at the tackle shop?" Kaname nodded her head again.

"It was you chasing the fisherman at Fish-On Ouzenji?" Another nod.

"And your blouse...that is a response to what Tessa wore today?" A final
nod.

"I see." Sousuke did not know what to think. He did not know what Kaname must expect him to feel. His emotions were mixed, but he found that he was not angry. He looked at Kaname, and he forgot the problems of the day momentarily. He had truly missed her. He hadn't realized just how much until that very moment.

He could leave her on her knees like that. He could walk away and turn his back on her. He could express the displeasure that he felt. It was true that such things might teach her something---leave a lasting impression on her. Sousuke was not interested in playing games, however. He was not always certain what he wanted...but at that moment, he knew that what he felt was right.

Sousuke went to stand directly in front of Kaname. "Look up at me now, Kaname." His voice was rough...in part as a response to the seriousness that she projected, and in part because the the swell of emotion he felt in his throat.

Kaname looked up, not certain what she would see. Sousuke was looking down at her, neither frowning nor smiling. There was neither pleasure or displeasure evident on his lips. What was he thinking?

Sousuke knelt down in front of Kaname, putting himself at the same level as her. He took her chin in his hand, and made certain her eyes were on the same plane as his own. "You should never put yourself below me, Kaname. You are a wonderful person, and you mean too much to me for that. And if you ever find me putting myself above you, then---and only then---I invite you to lesson me with your halisen." He sat quietly after that, waiting for her response.

Kaname looked torn. She wanted to fall into Sousuke's arms after hearing what he said. She did not deserve that. She might not deserve him. Her eyes welled up, and tears streamed down her face. She remained silent.

Sousuke had faced many obstacles this day. He had walked for too long a period of time on the thin line bewteen life and death, faced with predicaments that required strength and certainty. But at that moment...at that very time...he felt unsure, helpless. What could he do or say that would make things right.

It was not a matter of right or wrong, he realized. It was a matter of truth. The truth had been staring him in the eyes for a long time, but he had not been pushed far enough to see it. He had come close earlier today, but not far enough. Until now. He still was not certain of the depth of the word, but he would have time to discover that later.

A lie was a simple thing to understand. Not speaking a truth was a different thing. At that moment...to Sosuke...they seemed one and the same.

Whatever the outcome, he must do this. Kaname must hear what he had to say. He needed to hear the very same words in his own ears for validation.

Sousuke gently wiped away Kaname's tears and looked into her eyes. His look froze her.

"I love you, Kaname" Sousuke said.

He knew that those were the words that he had most wanted to say. He was glad he said them. Being who he was, he felt compelled to continue. "I know you are often angry with me Kaname, disappointed with what I do. I may never be able to change...but I will try, for you."

Kaname remained silent. Her lip quivered.

Sousuke could have dealt with any reaction, good or bad. The quiet unnerved him, made him uncertain.

Suddenly, Kaname lurched forward, knocking Sousuke to the ground, clinging to him as if he were the last thing that kept her from drowning. She remained silent. Sousuke could feel the warmth of her tears running down his own face. He could feel her body heaving against him as she sobbed. Eventually she stopped crying.

Kaname pushed herself up to a sitting position. When Sousuke tried to rise, she prevented him, pushing her hand against his chest and keeping him on the floor.

She wiped her tears away. She smiled. "Those were wonderful words, Sousuke. Wonderful. But, very foolish." Her smile deepened seeing the look on his face. "You made a rather large mistake!"

"Mistake?"

"Yes."

"Kaname?" Sousuke started to feel concerned.

"You sound confused..." Kaname's face was serious now.

"Uh--"

"Sousuke?"

"Uh--"

"SOUSUKE!!!"

"Yes, Kaname...very confused."

"Good!" Kaname said, smiling again. "I mean to keep you confused. That is a woman's prerogative. That, and being right. Always!"

"I see"

Kaname laughed. "I am very grateful that you said you would not hold yourself above me Sousuke. I however, will not promise the same thing!"

Sousuke was shocked. Was she going to take advantage of his honor by putting herself first?

"In fact, I WILL place myself above you. Just like THIS!!!" Kaname jumped on top of Sousuke, starting a long deep kiss. When they finally came up for air, it was Sousuke who was blushing.

Kaname stood up, brushed herself off, and went over to check her hair in a mirror. "Well, Sousuke...that's going to have to last you for a while!!!"

"Kaname?"

Kaname made certain that Sousuke saw her looking at her watch. "OK...it's been a while." She ran and tackled Sousuke, starting the process all over again.

When their emotions were finally spent, Sousuke and Kaname retired to the couch. They spoke about funny thing that happened that day. They spoke about the uncertainties each had dealt with. They touched briefly on certain frightening things, but did not dwell on them. There would be plenty of time in the future to discuss such things.

Kaname took hold of Sousuke's hand. "Sousuke...there is a very big favor I have to ask of you...I don't want you to take it the wrong way."

"Please, Kaname."

"Sousuke, may I please stay with you tonight?"

"Kaname...why..." Sousuke clearly looked uncomfortable.

"Sousuke...it's not THAT." Kaname shook her head. "I'm very afraid Souske. I don't want to be alone. I was afraid that I might lose you to Tessa, today. I was afraid I would lose you in that gunfight."

Kaname squeezed Sousuke's hand. " Your words meant so much to me tonight...but I am afraid that I might wake up and find that they were only a dream. It may seem silly, Sousuke...but if I wake up tonight, I want to be able to see that you are still there."

Sousuke did not need time to consider. There was no way he could refuse Kaname now.

"Kaname...would you please stay?"

Kaname smiled. "Hmmm...I'll have to think about this one for a moment!"

Sousuke was ready for her. "Oh...I see...perhaps another night, then. After all, it has been a very tiring day."

"SOUSUKE!!!"

"I would like you to stay."

"Fine...I will stay then...under one condition..." Kaname had an evil look in her eye.

"Condition...Kaname?"

"Yes."

"What condition?" Sousuke was getting a bad feeling.

"I want you to tell me how many times Tessa kissed you today, and if you kissed her."

"Uh--"

"Souske."

"Uh---"

"SOUSUKE!!!"

"Uh...let me see...I...it..." Kaname put a finger over Sousuke's lips, silencing him.

"I was just joking, Sousuke. After all, we are both very tired. We need to get some sleep."

Sousuke sighed, feeling very relieved.

"We'll talk about that over breakfast!!!"



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The man reported in. He was certain he had not been seen. While Kaname Chidori and her friend had been tailing Sousuke Sagara and the other potential Whispered---Teletha Testarossa---the man and his team had been tailing them.

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[Perfect Soldier]

... O.O This chapter had me in tears in the end. Please tell me this isn't the end of your fic. I would be so very very sad to hear that. This is one of the best FMP fics i've ever read. I loved it from the first chapter. Nice work so far... I mean... Great work... I mean... Damn. ^_^ so very happy you wrote this. I really want to read more.

Zero

[dd]

Thanks!

There's more, which I can post if folks like these. I have two ongoing branches: the contuation of this current day tale, and one 5-8 years down the road (which may or may not end up part of the same continuum). The former is stuck awaiting a complex series of battles to finish it up....it may be a while before I have the time and energy to get it right. The latter is in need of its final chapter, but that shouldn't take too long.

The ending of this chapter made it a good place to pause or stop.

Glad you enjoyed it all!