Explanations, part one {Chapter 5}

[dd]

The low down? Kurz plays Sousuke like a violin. Sousuke, babes, and a condom? Kurz is in heaven!

There's soul searching for Sousuke, and flashbacks of time with Kaname. Kurz takes a try at being helpful...Tessa learns the error of her ways...Melissa gets the scoop.
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The van drove steadily down the highway, keeping pace with the flow of traffic. Kurz was in no rush, as the Mithril helicopter had been delayed by bad weather south of their current position. Relaxed, with an unfortunate amount of time at hand, he ran through his current options:

1) Whistle. Check, and make it a cheerful tune.
2) Gulp down an overly sweet carbonated beverage. Check, make certain to stop whistling first.
3) Harrass Sousuke. Check, and CheckMATE!!!

"So, Sousuke...I hear you had an interesting visitor Wednesday night?"

"Which...? I would not call the visit interesting" Sousuke said sourly, in no mood to go over the events of THAT night.

After chuckling, Kurz said dramatically "I certainly would consider a pretty girl interesting, Sousuke. You can't tell me you weren't even the smallest bit excited..."

"How could you know about my visitors? Has the story become common knowledge?" Sousuke suddenly felt very cold inside.

"Relax... R e l a x x x x...one of the survey team members let slip to me that he had been worried when Tessa left the final site and headed off unguarded. I suggested that someone might hear about the slip if he didn't give me more details, and he let me know she was going to check up on a certain Sergeant." Kurz took a quick sip of soda, and continued after his eyes had suddenly opened rather widely. "Vistiors, Sousuke? As in 'more than one visitor'? More than one...woman...vistor, Sousuke?" A brief moment of silence was followed by "Tessa and...Kanaaaaame?"

Sousuke looked out the passenger window at nothing in particular. "SOUSUKE! You DOG, you!!! Tell me more. Tell me Evereeeeething!"

The smile on Kurz' face would have given pause to the Cheshire Cat. Sousuke felt an unease not out of place in a canary held by a cat's paw.

"There is nothing to tell. Events occured. Events beyond my control. Talking will not change the past. I am no doubt here now because of what happened, and I do not wish to speak of it."

Kurz, his thoughts sly but his face bland, took a moment to ready a hook. He knew something of the mission, and doubted Sousuke's apparent misadventure could have anything to do with it. "Sousuke, let's take a moment to be serious here. I am your squad member, am I not?"

"That is correct"

"And information important to the operation of the squad is important to each squad member, isn't it?" Kurz asked seriously.

"Also correct."

Time to set the hook. "Sousuke, if something you did has prompted the upcoming mission, it is your professional responsibility to let Melissa and me know...the information may be important in judging mission parameters."

Sousuke paused, thinking. "Again, reasonable. When we reach our destination, I shall brief you and Sergeant Major Mao!"

Uh, oh. This one might throw the hook. Better reel it in fast! "I really don't recommend exposing too many mistakes to Melissa...you certainly don't want her to lose confidence in you, right? Why don't you tell everything to good ole Sergeant Weber, and I will help you decide what is best to tell the Sergeant Major." No one could possibly sound more affable than Kurz did at that moment.

"I will not lie. I will not hide anything from a superior. We should not risk angering our superiors, or risk losing their trust!"

"Down boy, down!!! We won't tell any lies. I'm only saying we should select out the important points. A good briefing is high on meat and low on fat, right? We're just trimming away the fat...."

"I see. That makes sense. How should we proceed?"

Kurz made certain to keep the elation he felt out of his voice. "Start from the beginning, Sousuke, and leave nothing out!"

Kurz didn't know whether he was happier because of the humerous side of the tale he was hearing, or because his serious passenger had shown signs of true emotions during his recounting of events. His glee was about to reach another level:

"...and I might have been able to defuse the situation to everyone's satisfaction if it had not been for the condom..." Sousuke continued.

A red flag waved in front of a bull is a minor stimulus compared to THAT word from THAT mouth to THAT ear. The van swerved slightly as Kurz jerked involuntarily in his seat. "WhooooooHoooooo! Sousuke! SOUUUUUSSSSKKKAYYYYYYYYY!!!"

The person owning that name closed his eyes a brief moment, and said nothing.

"Oh yeh! The great and mighty hero, bullets cannot touch him...maniacs cannot stop him...explosions cannot harm him...done in by a lowly heh heh condom. OK, Sousuke, SPILL THE BEANS!!! Let's hear the lowdown on the Trojan War..."

Sousuke, in his best clinical fashion, provided the details. Kurz, as might be expected was disappointed, but also very much amused. "Sousuke, my friend, you are truly a terror. You have a siamese twin, and his name is Trouble. You would probably be safer in a jungle full of enemies than you are in that school!!!"

Kurz had meant it as a joke, but it was no laughing matter to Sousuke. "You may well be correct. And you may not be the only one who has come to that conclusion."

Kurz, sensing the anguish in Sousuke's voice, offered true condolensces during the remainder of their drive. He couldn't be certain if Sousuke heard a single word he said.

*************************************************************

The helicopter arrived at the designated coordinates at the expected time. The subsequent flight had been smooth, mechanically. However, for Sousuke, the trip was anything but smooth, mentally.

The events of the fateful day ran through his memory, not as recrimination, but as a means to set the stage for further thoughts. Sousuke was adept at adapting to changes in his combat environment, but he was poorly equiped to deal with changes within himself. He was confused to the point of being uncertain of himself, and that was something that he felt must not continue. An uncertain soldier is a soldier at greater risk. And a soldier at greater risk might be an unacceptable danger to his mission and his fellow soldiers. He would need to talk to someone, and soon. Not only for his own sake, but for the sake of others.

There was something else he must find opportunity to do. He must explain things in detail to Captain Testarossa. Some of what she had said was invariably true. His explanation might not change those truths, and might not change his fate, but he was was too honest to allow her misconceptions to continue, whether or not they would influence her decisions. To say nothing would be the same thing as being an accomplice to a lie! And, he admitted to himself, he did not want her to think unfavorably of him. She had been so angry, that she must be very unhappy with his performance on that mission. And her anger had been so quick in its growth, that she must have had serious misgivings about him for some time now. He felt uncomfortable, wondering what she must think of his personal judgement as well as his professional performance.

For some reason he was unaware of, Sousuke's thoughts turned next to the concept of friendship. In his youngest days, friendship and family had meant something good, but he no longer had a clear memory of the why and the how of it all. Simply a subtle and distant warmth. In later days, days he could all too vividly remember, family meant the people you fought with, and friends were simply those who fought the same enemies you fought. Family and friends often meant people who would join you briefly and then leave. Family and friends who remained by your side often meant people you could soon lose...and often would lose. It was never a matter of choice. It was a matter of fact, and of destiny. And by those definitions, so many people could be your family or friends, that no one person seemed to have any more emotional value than another. No one was irreplaceable. No one had been especially important to him personally.

Even now, as a member of Mithril, choice and destiny were something beyond his control. But something felt different. He thought of his relationship with Sgt. Weber and Sgt. Major Mao. He respected both immeasurably, even though there were certain things he greatly disapproved of. He trusted their judgement, at least in professional matters. He had no doubt whatsoever regarding their willingness to cover his back in battle. But...he found himself thinking that he did not wish to disappoint them, not just their rank. He found himself realizing that he did not want to lose them, knowing that their loss would leave a void. These newer feelings had grown stronger, or at had at least become more evident, ever since he had reported to that school. Ever since he had started protecting Kaname.

Kaname. He pictured her now, with a sigh. She was another matter altogether. She could be a spring breeze one moment, and a violent storm the next. He was learning what to expect, at least in some situations...but she had the amazing talent to continually surprise him. He even felt the beginning of a grin when he thought that. Good and bad. Yin and Yang. What effect was she having on his life? What effect was he having on her life? What did he want from her? How did it all factor into his understanding of friendship? What type of things did people find beyond friendship....

His thoughts eventually completed their circle, and he considered Captain Testarossa in a different light. He had accepted her as his commander on sight, with no consideration given to her gender or her age. The results of her decisons were mostly positive. Her scope of knowledge was admirably broad. She was a good leader. She was physically limited, but never let that stop her. He had never doubted her in any way until those days with A21, when her judgement and performance had wavered briefly. And the recent events made him recall her attitude towards him in his apartment, the night she and Kaname had been abducted. She had been casual. She had made simple requests of him that he had seen as confusing and discomforting. And Kurz had repeatedly baited him about the her orders to shut off the hearing sensors of the AS, without ever giving him sufficient clues of what he thought was going on, but leading him to believe it was not a professional matter. And that recent night at his apartment, the night of the misunderstandings: her reasons for visiting him...had they had anything to do with friendhip?

Sousuke had no difficulty accepting that his squadmates could be his friends. But Captain Testarossa? His commanding officer? Was she even permitted to be his friend? For what reasons might she want him for a friend?

Sousuke's explanations of himself and to himself took time, and great effort. It was new to him, in some regards...but one must learn the skills necessary to best carry out his or her mission, correct? And Sousuke had assigned himself an important mission: there were people he needed to speak to...things he needed to understand...and he must be prepared.

*************************************************************
The loud engine noise of the airborne Globemaster made Sousuke glad he had remembered to pack earplugs. Snug within the passenger webbing of the transport plane, he glanced briefly at the equipment pallet, and seeing nothing that offered a hint of the upcoming mission, swiftly changed his view to the group of soldiers situated closer to the front of the aircraft. Kurz was there, obviously laughing, arms waving in great circles or slashing akimbo, as he told some great tale. Sousuke envied him his ability to entertain a crowd, as a fish might envy a bird for its ability to fly. But he knew enough to understand Kurz had his kingdom, and he had his own.

Kurz occasionally glanced towards Sousuke as he talked, and the latter hoped that the tales being told had nothing to do with a young sergeant, an equally young captain, and their civilian acquaintance. He quickly put the thought from his mind, as he wriggled into the most comfortable position possible, closed his eyes, and attempted to find what rest he could. Even at his young age, Sousuke had long since learned to take opportunities when they presented themselves, and the long flight was a golden opportunity to catch up on some sleep. He was physically tired from the journey so far, and he was mentally tired from his attempts at self examination.

The young soldier fell asleep almost instantly, but it was not a deep sleep at first, and not a comfortable sleep. Sousuke generally treasured sleep as a time when there was no demand on his senses, no expectations of success, and no need for heightened awareness or utmost vigilance. Sousuke treasured sleep for its emptiness...and for its calm and numbing embrace.

This was not one of the rare times when Sousuke actually dreamed...it was more a time when his sleep was too shallow to drown his swimming thoughts. His mind drifted back to his apartment...to the night that seemed likely to turn his world upside down...or return it from whence it came...depending on the perspective of the moment:


"Sousuke...what was SHE doing here?!!!" Kaname asked, cooking spoon in hand, and a dangerous frown furrowing her brows.

"Captain Testarossa had been in town on duty, and wanted to check up on me. She also wanted to offer explanation for recent actions that had proven purposely unclear to me. In addition, she sought insight into my mission priorities."

Her frown softening, Kaname asked "Sousuke...was it about the fax?"

While Sousuke did not move in body, the look in his eyes told Kaname that he was caught off guard. "Kaname. How did you know about the fax? If you had been told of the Captain's intentions, why were you surprised to see her? I do not understand...."

Aware of the spoon in her hand, Kaname decided to change the arena. "Let's cook the food Sousuke, before it gets too late. We can continue our conversation at the table. I understand that you have an important question, and I have some questions of my own. I would like to ask you a favor, Sousuke."

"A favor?"

"Yes, a big favor. I beg for permission to ask any question I want, with a promise that you will answer, and answer truthfully. In return, I offer you the same privilege. Will you do that for me?"

"Kaname...."

"Sousuke...please..." Kaname's plea was calm and steady, and Sousuke knew that he walked barefoot on the edge of a razor. This obviously meant a lot to Kaname...but he would have to open himself up. He would be vulnerable. And if he refused her, he would hurt her, and perhaps close some doors he wished to remain open.

"Yes, Kaname...I will give you my promise." Kaname's expression brightened, but remained serious, not playful. "And I trust this is no game...as I do not intend to approach it as such. I have great trust in you, Kaname."

"Thank you Souske. Thank you. I realize what I am asking. And I have great faith in you too. I know I don't always show it, Sousuke, but I am growing to trust you with more than just my life. I just want that trust to be justified, " she said. She quietly added "and I don't want the opportunity to end."

After they were done with preparation, Kaname served Sousuke a dish of seafood and noodles, a bowl of spiced fruit, and a cup of hot tea. She served herself the same. They both started to eat in silence, neither certain who should be the first to speak.

"Sergeant Major Mao would want to be here now," Sousuke offered, for the moment uncomfortable with the silence. "Yes, even though there is no beer."

"Meslissa? Sousuke...?"

"She is quite fond of crab" Sousuke explained.

"Ahhh...I hope you are talking about the food, Sousuke!" Kaname laughed, attempting to force a more cheerful mood, inwardly cringing at the sound of her joke.

"Yes, certainly. What else would I be referring too? Oh, yes, I see. Kaname, I was not talking about you." Somehow sensing her need, he thought a moment, assessed the possibilities, and made his own effort. "This time," he added.

"Sousuke Sagara!!! Did you ever...Sousuke, did you just make a joke?!!"

"I am sorry Miss Chidori, that is classified information," he said somewhat sternly. Sousuke slowly and deliberately stared at Kaname, and crossed his arms across his chest. "Most...definitely...classified." Sousuke like to be in control.

"I see. Does the word of a professional soldier mean so little then?" Kaname asked, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Sousuke, I am disappointed in you!" She turned her back on him, and he could not see her smile.

"My word? Kaname..."

"Yes, you make me a solemn promise, eat my generous gift of food, and promptly forget that promise!"

"Promise...?" Sousuke asked, firmly stuck in her web. She too liked to be in command. And this was well within her realm of experience.

"You see...you see...You forgot already!!!" She stood, still facing away from him, her face now in her hands.

"Please, Kaname! I do not understand. I have no intention to hurt you. Just explain my mistake, and I will correct it." He was concerned, but not frantic...nowhere near a total loss of control.

"Y-You PROMISED me Sousuke that you would answer any question...but the first thing I ask, you hide behind Classified Information." Her face was still hidden from view.

"Ah...but I did not mean...I swear to you Kaname, I will not use Classified status as an excuse not to answer." Sousuke was obviously honest in his intent.

Kaname turned around, a large grin on her face. "Thank you Sergeant Sagara...GOTCHA!!!" She laughed, and Sousuke was dumbfounded at first, but soon thereafter felt somewhat sheepish.

He thought a moment, and then a few moments more, and Kaname wisely gave him all the time he needed to come up with a response. Sousuke coughed, and feigned laryngitis, but Kaname said "I am not buying it, Sergeant! Nice try. Didn't know you had it in you." Kaname truly was surprised, and not just a little pleased. Was there a side to Sousuke she hadn't seen before, or was he merely trying to follow her lead like a seasoned combatant? Sousuke, for his part, was uncertain if his actions were effective, or seemed sincere.

"No...No...I just had something in my throat..." Sousuke started, unconsciously trying to erase his prior actions, but Kaname quickly interjected "SOUSUKE, don't even go there, not after what happened ealier!!!" Kaname laughed, and Souske even grinned , but so quickly that Kaname could not be certain it wasn't a mirage.

Kaname did not want the light-hearted banter to stop, but she could tell that her mention of things that had happened before Tessa's arrival had brought Sousuke's mood back to earth. And it was just as well, if she was going to get answers to her questions. "More Tea?" She asked. "No, Thank you" Sousuke replied.

"You asked about the fax Souske...I should explain. And then, I will be ready for your questions." She took a sip of tea, then continued "I found the fax in with your Algebra homework."

"You read a mission document directed to me?" Sousuke was still a soldier, and he needed to know how discrete Kaname could be expected to be.

"Not intentionally. No, I mean I did not think it was a fax. I thought it might be a note. A note to me, since I am the one who checks your homework every morning." She blushed slightly, and lowerered her eyes.

"Kaname, why would I send you a note? If there was something we could discuss in public, I would not hesitate to speak with you. And if it were privileged information, I would not put it on paper."

"I know Sousuke, believe me I know. I had just...hoped...it might be something else. I was caught off guard, and thought with my heart not my head." She looked up, her face sporting an expression Sousuke was uncertain how to decipher.

"Kaname?"

"I thought it might be a personal note, Sousuke. A note from you to me, expressing your feelings for me." She looked down again, and clasped her hands together in her lap.

"I see," Souske replied, and to his credit, he had some idea of what she meant. His subsequent thoughts were in part personal, and in part professional.

There was a period of quiet, after which Sousuke continued "Kaname. I am sorry."

"I understand, Sousuke. I did not me to trouble you. I know your duty is difficult enough...I never wanted to be a burden."

"You are no burden, Kaname. I have told you that before. And I have told you that when I was with you, I felt I could do anything. What I did not say, was that I do not feel that way with anyone else...and I have never felt that way before I came here."

He saw the glistening of moisture at the corner of Kaname's eyes, and saw her lift her chin ever so slightly. "I am sorry that I do not know how to behave. I am sorry that I do not know what I feel. If I was so uncertain of what to do in a military conflict, there would be no place for me in the field of battle, or even behind the lines. At the school, I look at others my age, and I...I..." His voice got slowly quieter until it was inaudible.

"I understand, Sousuke. I understand what it is like to be different...when I returned to this country, I felt like an outcast, and at times I would not have cared if my life had ended. And I understand what it is like to be a star in one show, but an understudy in another...when I was on that submarine, I felt alone and useless at first. Everything was so different, so new. And you, you seemed born of that place. You did things I could not imagine myself doing...you fought and returned, and you did so when older soldiers could not do the same. I couldn't imagine, then, that there was anything you couldn't do in that world."

"Kaname..."

"No, Sousuke, let me finish. When the time came, I was able to make a difference there. I know the school and everything else in city life is my base of operation, and my show...and I am certain you can make a difference here if you want to."

Sousuke sat, thinking quietly.

"Sousuke, may I ask a question now?"

"Yes."

"Sousuke...when we were at the school, and I asked you about regrets, were you being honest?" When Souske replied "Yes, Kaname," she flinched. "But I thought you were taking about my homework, which you had started off calling a mission."

"And...can I ask another question Sousuke?"

"Certainly, please continue." Sousuke did not find the answering of questions to be unpleasant.

"Sousuke...when Tessa was here...was she here for personal reasons? Did she say if she would be ending your mission here? Do you know why she was so angry?"

"Kaname, that was three questions..." Sousuke replied calmly.

"S o u s u k e!"

"My apologies. I am not entirely certain why she was angry. Her anger came after she saw you, and after she had...after she had remarked upon the condom in my hand...although at first, I did not get the impression that she was unhappy about THAT. Nonetheless, it was my mistake..."

"SOUSUKE!!!"

"Kaname, I did not carry it on purpose. When the doorbell rang, I did not think of it at all. May I continue? Thank you. She mentioned, as you heard, that she had hoped she did not ruin the mood. She said only to me, that you were attractive, I was reckless, and that she was disappointed, not surprised. She said she was concerned that I had gone too deep into cover, and she would have to consider whether to pull me out for your sake, my sake, and the mission's sake. She said she would discuss matters with Lt. Commander Kalidin."

Kaname's heart sank at first, followed by righteous anger, itself followed by the further capsizing of her heart. "I see. And Sousuke...how had she acted before she saw me?"

"She was smiling when she arrived, and she was dressed in very nice clothes, though I am not certain if they would have been what she wore during her site study. She also wore a rather pleasant perfume...I did not realize that I liked perfume," he missed the brief glare in Kaname's eyes, followed by calculation. "I am not entirely certain perfume is appropriate on a Captain, but she had made it a point to say she was not here as my commanding officer, but rather that she was here on a friendly visit, with the emphasis on the word friend. She apologized for the fax, saying it was a joke, and that she in part wanted to see what my reaction to her visit would be, and also wanted to give me opportunity to assess my thoughts and feelings about my mission here. She then..."

"Sousuke..." Kaname started to ask another question, but held off "No, please continue."

"She told me that I was an important member of Mithril, with many things that I could do well, and with many places I could be of use. She said that she and others had a difficult task deciding where I might best serve, and said that my feelings could play a decisive role, if there was a lack of consensus on their part."

"I see," Kaname said, in a somewjat solemn tone of voice. "I can understand her point. Sousuke, do you think they will let you continue this mission?"

"I do not know. I am not privileged to know all that they do, and I am not certain what will come of the Captain's report."

"Sousuke," Kaname asked in a quiet voice "Do you want to remain here?"

"Yes, Kaname." He did not elaborate.

She pushed herself away from the table. "Let me clean these things up while you relax. I really don't mind." Sousuke watched as she walked away. Did she want him to remain?

Sousuke was not certain the moment he realized that things had been quiet for too long. He looked to see where Kaname was, and what she was doing. Seeing her standing quietly in the corner of the kitchen space, he rose from his desk chair and walked over to her. She was trembling slightly. And when she turned to face him, he could see that she had been crying. "Sousuke" was the only word she spoke before wrapping her arms around him, and placing her head against his shoulder.

Sousuke stood unmoving for a moment, and then wrapped his arms around her, intent on comforting her. He let her be the first to speak, and waited sometime before she was ready.

"Sousuke...Sousuke, I'm scared."

"Kaname?"

"Sousuke, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry, Kaname. Why..."

"I...I haven't always treated you the way I should have, especially seeing what we had been through overseas. I haven't always shown you the kindness or patience you deserve, and I haven't given you the thanks you have earned. Can you forgive me?"

"Kaname, there is nothing to forgive. I..."

"But there is, Sousuke. I have been so very rough on you lately, and my mood swings would have confused anyone, and would have been a trial even for a Saint!"

"But Kaname, I..."

"No, Sousuke. LISTEN! It's my fault, not your fault. I have had a lot of trouble sorting out my feelings lately, and that is something new to me. I'm talking about my feelings for you, my faithful shadow. And I have been worried about the future, even before these last few days. When my mother died, I felt many things. I felt sorrow. I felt loss. But I also felt abandoned, silly as that might seem. It hurt me, Sousuke. And it scared me. I grieved, and I moved on, with the help of my family and friends. But I never loss the fear of abandonment. When I returned to this country, the people I once thought were friends...they turned on me Sousuke. They didn't just ignore me, they were mean, and spiteful, and I felt so alone. And when it was decided that I would stay here alone...I knew the reasons Sousuke, and I agreed with them. I even pushed for things to turn out that way, because I understood all too well the things that were good for each of us. But deep inside, part of me still felt abandoned."

She buried her head in his shoulder once more.

After another period of silence, and silent tears from Kaname, Sosusuke chose to restart the converstaion. "Kaname?"

"Yes?"

"Kaname, what is it you are frightened of? Abandonment? By whom? Me?"

"Yes, Sousuke...and yes, again. But not only you."

"Kaname?"

"Sousuke, what do you know about the Whispered?"

"I do not know anything more than you yourself told me, after you spoke with Captain Testarossa" Sousuke replied earnestly. "I would tell you all I knew, if there was more."

"Thank you," Kaname smile slightly, wiping away the last remaining tears. "Do you know what Mithril does with the Whispered? Why do they spend money, and send out valuable operatives, if they expect nothing in return? And what happens if the Whispered prove to be of no value. What happens after they DO prove to be valuable?"

"I am not certain, as my questions have not been fully answered, just as I was told I was not to know all there was to know about the lambda driver. It was made clear that it was not my place to ask the questions, and not my place to know the answers. I have guarded you. I have rescued others. The Captain is a Whispered. The designer of my AS was a Whispered. Takuma must have been a Whispered. And I know nothing more than that. I am sorry."

"Don't be, Sousuke, you are as much in the dark as I am. I am in danger because of what I am. You are in danger because you protect those like me. The only difference is that you can walk away from your duty if you choose, but I can never change what I am. I have to accept that Sousuke, as unfair as it might seem."

She paused, taking a moment to sigh, shuddering while she exhaled. " You are someone who was forced to grow up too fast, and missed so much along the way. I am someone who knows too much, too soon, and I am afraid that there will be many things that I will miss in the days to come. We're a pretty good pair, you and I. And I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or run away."

"I will do what I can for you Kaname, as long as it is permitted. I would give my life for you. You know that. But please do not run anywhere I cannot follow. That would only make my job more difficult...."

"Thank you. I mean that, Sousuke. Thank you so very much."

"It is not a problem."

The conversation continued a short while after that, but Sousuke did not replay those words as he finally reached the safety and comfort of sleep.

*************************************************************

The transfer to the the Tuatha De Danaan by means of the modified V22 went smoothly and quickly. When the aircraft was safely positioned, the bay doors closed and the submarine once more took its station in the mid level depths of the Arabian sea.

"Hey, Sousuke, you go check in with Melissa. I have something I neeeed to take care of, man, and I'll join you guys in a little bit. Later." Kurz headed off, whistling happily, ceasing when he was out of earshot.

Sousuke shouldered his travel bag, and headed off to do as Kurz had directed. The other soldiers brought in by the VTOL aircraft headed off on their own business. The pilots headed off to the canteen for coffee.


Kurz was in a serious mood. With a serious goal in mind. He knew that his actions might seem inappropriate in a military sense, but he was not overly concerned in that regard. One of the great things about being Kurz Weber was the ability to do things that other people would never attempt, and get away with things that other people would never be allowed to get away with. Reputation wasn't a badge to be worn...it was a tool to be exploited. It was also helpful being an ace Arm Slave pilot and the best Marksman in the organization...it's amazing what one can get away with when one's uncommonly useful. And handsome.

He stopped outside of Captain Testarossa's cabin. Good fortune had placed some of the bridge crew in the hallway, and they had informed him of Tessa's whereabouts. Kurz was glad she hadn't been on station, as he would not had been able to speak to her for an uncertain amount of time. With an unconscious flourish, he selected the appropriate knock...neither too tentative nor too presumptive...and announced his presence. After a few moments, the door opened, and Tessa looked out to see him standing there.

"Is there a reason you woke me, Sergeant Weber?" Tessa asked unhappily.

"Well Captain, pretty as you are, any more beauty sleep would be unfair to the other ladies!" Kurz had just the right smile ready to accompany that doggerel.

"I see, Sergeant. I trust you have a better reason. If not, I will find something useful for you to do before I once more attempt to get some rest."

"I do, Captain" Kurz said, in a tone so uncharacteristically serious that it caught Tessa' attention more than any words could have. "I certainly do."

"Please, come in then. I only ask that you keep things as short as possible."

They both sat down around the table in the center of the room. "Tea, Sergeant?"

The inner Kurz immediately thought of a reply: "I'll take any can or cans of beer that Melissa might have left behind." The outer Kurz said simply "No, but thanks for asking." Tessa fixed herself a cup, and sat back down.

"Please, Sergeant, tell me why you are here...."

"Sousuke."

"Sergeant Sagara?" Tessa asked.

"Yes. I understand that it is officially none of my business, Captain, but I know that you and Sousuke had a major misunderstanding."

"I see. How is it that you know this, Sergeant Weber? And if you know that it is none of your concern, then why have you come to speak to me about it?!" Tessa's voice sounded deceptively calm, but her posture left nothing to the imagination.

"No captain, it is not my official business to mention it, but it is very much my concern, both personally and professionally."

Tessa became slightly less rigid, saying "Continue, then."

"Captain, I personally think that Sousuke, Melissa, and I make up a fantastic team, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, I agree" Tessa said, smiling slightly for the first time, briefly remembering prior and private thoughts of the trio. Images passed before her eyes: Melissa as Porthos...Kurz as Aramis...and Sousuke as a mix of Athos and D'Artignan. She shook her head slightly when her own image appeared in the robe of a Cardinal. "But I doubt you came here to fish for compliments, Sergeant."

"Tessa," Kurz started, his sincerity at that moment causing him to forget formality, "The reason we are such a good team, and the reason we are a credit to this organization, is not just because we are three world class soldiers. We are a good team because we trust ourselves, we trust each other, and we trust our leaders. We are each a good part of a team, because we know ourselves, we know our talents, and we know our limitations. We don't sit around worrying any more than we can help, and we don't screw things up by thinking when we should be acting. And each one of us carries all of that with us when we join another team, or go out on our own."

"And this analysis of yours is leading where, Sergeant? What does all of this have to do with a misunderstanding I have, and how have you become privy to this mysterious mistake I have made?" Tessa pushed her cup aside, leaned back in her chair, and looked Kurz in the eyes.

"You know me Captain, and you know how I like to tease Sousuke. Driving with him away from safe house, I had the golden opportunity to put him on the spot about something I heard about. In the interest of time, I will not tell you how I knew what to ask. Suffice it to say, I had been gifted with the divine knowledge that he been visited by a certain lady Captain." Kurz was savvy eenough not to say 'a certain lonely young Captain with a big time crush.' "Using my well known charm and taking advantage of Sousuke's patented gullibility, I was able to discover that there had been two lady visitors. I thought I had died and gone to heaven." Seeing Tessa's cross look, he quickly added "It was all in good fun Captain. I had no inkling of what had happened!"

"And," Tessa said, storm clouds brewing in her eyes, "You have come here to speak on Sergeant Sagara's and Miss Chidori's behalf?!" Kurz wanted to say that he really liked Kaname, but was rooting for Tessa...but this was neither the place nor the time.

"No, Captain...at least, only as a part of the overall picture. Tessa, I came here to bring the truth. I know your feelings are not my business...but they are my concern, just as Sousuke's well being is my concern." He paused a moment, trying to figure out how to continue, without seeming too personal, or too clinical. "I certainly realize you are my commanding officer, but I also hope you are my friend. I know how you feel personally about Sousuke, but I would never use that knowledge to manipulate you, and I have kept it in the strictest confidence." Well, he thought: he had told Melissa after drinking a little too much beer, but other than that he had been a good boy. Melissa was so zonked out, she might not even remember.

"I appreciate that Sergeant...it must have been hard." Tessa thought quietly for a moment and added "And I realize how hard this must be too. Please continue."

Kurz relayed to Tessa everything that Sousuke had told him, beginning with his receipt of the fax, and ending with her exit from Sousuke's apartment. He told of his concerns for Sousuke. He did not mention anything that took place after Tessa had left, but Sousuke had only been sketchy in his comments on those matters in any case.

Tessa had no trouble understanding the repercussions of that ill advised fax and all of the dominoes that had fallen thereafter. She had some thinking to do.

"Thank you, Sergeant Weber. You have done Mithril a good service. I shall follow your shining example."

"Captain, one more thing if I may. Seeing that you now recognize my brilliance and good judgement, I have a suggestion" Kurz said with a wicked gleam in his eye.

Against her better judgement, Tessa asked "And that is?"

"Well, you know that Machinist First Class Hofmeister was a talented and professional tattoo artist, right? I was thinking that it you were to get a tattoo of a fax on one hand, and a tattoo of a condom on the other, that might be a good way avoid this kind of happening in the future..."

"Dismissed, Sergeant!"


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At the moment Kurz had been refusing the offer of tea, Souske refused the offer of stronger drink. He had stowed his gear and headed over to Melissa's cabin, to see if there was any word yet of the upcoming mission.

"Where is Kurz, Sousuke? I was certain he would have followed you in here, tail wagging."

"He said he had something he had to do first, something important."

"Damn him. One of these days I am going to have to get him fixed. Or get him a collar and a leash. He thinks that anything he wants to do is important. No doubt he's hitting on the new supply clerk, or spreading some hot gossip with the support staff!" Melissa sighed, resigned to eternal nature of Sergeant Kurz Weber.

The word 'gossip' made Sousuke uncomfortable, and if Melissa had not serendipitously been looking at his face at the moment, she would not have noticed his brief grimace. "Sousuke, is something wrong?"

"Wrong, Sergeant Major?" Melissa knew Sousuke all too well. "No" meant 'no.' "Wrong? Sergeant Major" meant 'something other than no.' Most times, she would would just let things slide. But, as she was annoyed at Kurz and looking for something to do until he made his appearence, this would not be 'most times.'

"Wrong, Sousuke. As in 'not right.' As in 'what's bothering you, Sagara.'

"Sergeant major, I assure you...."

"Seargant!!!" Kurz had his way of playing Sousuke. Melissa had her own, and it was just as effective. "I am not talking to you as Melissa...I am talking at you and thinking for you as Sergeant Major Mao." She stood up, and told Sousuke to remain seated, both feet flat on the floor. She crumpled an empty beer can and threw it in the general vicinity of a full trash can. She placed her hands on her hips.

"OK, Sousuke, let's get this done before our wandering team mate gets here. First...did Sergeant Weber do something to disturb you?"

"No, Sergeant Major."

"Damn. Well, I still have plenty of reasons to kick his ass. Second, did Kaname do something to cause this problem?"

Sousuke paused to think before answering "No, not Kaname." Melissa took notice of the pause, the way a hawk takes notice of a young rabbit.

"Sousuke," Melissa asked in a more offhand manner, "what did Tessa do that's got you upset?"

"Uh--" Sousuke started, with no finish.

"Bullseye," Melissa thought. And one plus one: "Sousuke, what did Tessa do regarding Kaname that's got you so talkative?"

"Uh---" Sousuke repeated.

"Sergeant Sagara! One more 'Uh' and I will have the barber cut off every hair on your body! Now, let's hear it...!"

"Uh...I mean..." Sousuke needed a moment to frame his reply. "There was a misunderstanding, Sergeant Major. Actually...many misunderstandings."

"Let's hear them. Most important ones only. In order. Now." Melissa put out her smoke and pushed away a fresh beer. Sousuke had her full attention.

Sousuke dutifully listed the important events: "The Captain sent a fax. The fax said only two words, return and arranged. No other explanation was given. I thought I would have to quit the mission. I was confused, and returned to my earlier level of vigilance, and walked behind Kaname. She thought I was angry or upset. She tried to be nice to me, and told me to not make any plans, as she was going to cook me dinner. I mistakenly put the fax paper in with my Algebra homework. I was supposed to do Japanese History, but Kaname was kind enough to evaluate my Algebra any way. She found the fax. She came to cook dinner, even though I had no longer planned for her arrival. First, she wanted a tour, and then she started looking through my possessions." Souske stopped.

"There's more Sosuske. Don't leave anything important out. Keep going."

"Kaname found the condom..." Souske offered, and Melissa asked "Condom?"

"Yes, the condom that was with the standard teenage items I was given to assist in my mission...Ahh-I must apologize."

"Apologize?"

"When Kaname asked about the condom, I intended to tell her of our discussion so that she might understand. When I mentioned your name, she at first thought...."

"Sousuke," Melissa's eyes widened, and then narrowed considerably, "did you leave her with the proper impression?"

"Of course, Sergeant Major. The doorbell rang, and I went to answer. I forgot to put the condom away. Captain Testarossa was at the door, having left a survey assignment to check up on me. She wore nice clothes and perfume. She said the fax was in part a joke, and that she wanted to see my reaction. She said she had wanted me to give thought about my mission, and whether I had wanted to continue in that capacity. Kaname heard the doorbell. Tessa saw the condom. Tessa saw Kaname." Sousuke paused to catch his breath.

Melissa had already sifted through the story and picked out the key items: Sousuke. Sousuke's Apartment. Kaname. Tessa. And condom.
"Sousuke, what did Tessa do after that?"

"Captain Testarossa got angry. She said she was disappointed in my actions, and in my judgement. She said she was not surprised by what she thought I had done. The Captain said I might be in too deep, and that she might be forced to pull me out. She considered the possibility that my actions might endanger people, or jeopardize the mission. She said she would discuss matters with Lt. Commander Kalinin and inform me of their decision."

At first, Melissa just shook her head...then she grinned...then she burst out laughing. She took a quick pull of beer and said "Soususke, I'm sorry, I know this is no laughing matter. But you...you are really quite a terror!!!"

That's what Sergeant Weber said," Sousuke said with a sour expression.

"He did, did he? I suppose I will need to take steps to make certain he does not blab this information all over the sub. He is so useless!" She sat down again, took another sip of beer, and said "Sousuke, I thought you had better judgement than that. Why on earth did you tell that story to Kurz?"

"He made it sound like a good tactic. He said it would help me focus on making a detailed and efficient report to you. He was very convincing."

"I bet he was. I may be talking to the barber after all." Melissa stood again, and placed her arms across her chest. "OK, Sousuke, I can guess some of the things that are bothering you, but I need to get inside that mysterious head of yours."

"Sergeant Major?"

"Sousuke, we have a mission coming up. If you are to be involved, I need to know if you are ready."

"Of course I am ready. I will do my best to perform whatever role I am assigned."

"I understand your intentions, Sousuke. But we know what the road to Hell is paved with, don't we? I don't need to figure out how hard you are going to try. I need to know just how well I can expect you to perform. If you had a physical injury, I would send you to the ship's doctor. But we don't have a shrink on board, Sousuke. So it's my job to figure out if somethings bothering you, and if you are bothered enough to be at risk...and to be a risk."

"Uh--I understand."

"Sousuke, we've all been there before. We've all had things that threaten to keep us from playing our best game. You need to help me understand whether or not you can play on the team this time. And if I can't find the answer, I'll either need to enlist the help of someone who can, or I will be forced to recommend you be held in reserve."

"I understand."

"That reminds me, I have a message to pass along. You are to meet with Lt. Commander Kalinin, in his office, at 1500 hours. Perhaps his discussion with you will provide some answers."

At that moment, the door opened, and Kurz traipsed in happily. "Oh, I'm so brilliant, I'm such a great guy, oh I'm so brilliant, and...I...can't...tell...you...why...heh heh!" He walked over to his comrades. "Sousuke, how about a big hug. Melisssssa, how about a really big smooch...annnnywheeere you want?"

"Sousuke, Sergeant Weber and I have a few things to discuss" Melissa said, wrapping an arm painfully tight around Kurz' neck, and banging his head against the cabin wall. "Why don't you take the opportunity to clean up and relax before your meeting?" she added sweetly.

"I understand, Sergeant Major." The look he gave Kurz held no sympathy.

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