Authoresses Note: OK, I think an explanation is in order for anyone that never saw Episode Zero or just doesn?t have the first clue as to what happened between Wufei and his ?wife?.
Basically, the two hate each other at first sight, because he?s a study geek and she?s a tomboy. They fight constantly, only to eat their own words later when forces attack the colony and Meilan runs out to fight. Wufei follows her, on the explanation that only a coward would let his wife die.
A battle ensues, and, basically, Meilan gets hurt pretty bad. Now knowing how much he cares about here, Wufei takes her back to this meadow that they?re always hanging out in, where they talk sweetly for a few minutes, and then ? don?t you know ? she decides to go and die on him then.
It?s really well done and sweet. Without sounding like a walking advertisement for Gundam Wing products, you should really go and get it, ?cause true blue Gundam Wing fans are missin? out.
Anyway, Wufei rules!!!! ^^
***Part Two of Taking Time: All This Damned Rain Won?t Let Me See Her Eyes ***
It?s funny.
How can you barely tolerate someone one moment, and then love them the next?
It?s amazing in a way, simply fascinating.
You feel like something has been ripped out of you, like you?re no longer yourself, like your heart, and I don?t normally get very mushy over the ?power of the heart? and stuff like that, because it?s really honor that dominates everything ? but yes, your heart was just ripped out from your chest, beaten to a bloody pulp and then put back in your chest, awaiting the only thing that can heal it ? time.
Except then you realize that all this stuff about time healing the heart is all just a hoax, a clever coping device designed by people just as devastated as you. Because time is nothing, really.
Can you say what time is?
And the helplessness?I couldn?t do anything, even though, under normal circumstances, I can do everything.
It?s like the sun shouldn?t keep rising ? doesn?t the sun know what?s happened? Doesn?t it know what the world has just lost? Why do people keep walking around, acting normal? It?s like everyone around you is walking clockwise, and you?re walking counter-clockwise, and you feel like an idiot, but at the same they?ll all idiots because she always used to walk counter-clockwise just like you.
It?s like everyone should just sit back and die, because there?s no point in life anymore.
But I?m a fighter. I don?t let someone kick me in the groin and get away with it.
I obliterate the enemy.
I am a fighter ? I fight with justice, honor, and a strong sense of purpose ? when I get up enough motivation to see through all the persuasive fog, that is.
As I rode the car down a particularly desolate stretch of road it started to rain, and hard, with the drops pounding relentlessly against the windshield. I wondered at Duo?s standing out there all wet and everything, and couldn?t help but smile. I?m not sure why I smiled, because I don?t particularly enjoy getting my fellow comrades soaked and miserable.
But it felt kind of good, in the sense that I could finally get him back for the last couple years of Wu-Chan and that constant damned grin. Besides, all virtues and things considered, I was probably doing him a favor. I didn?t want to visualize him losing Hilde, but it was possible, and I wanted him to not do it under the frayed conditions that had me trapped.
Funny. When had I become a preacher?
Oh, yes. I?ve BEEN a preacher my entire life, with the justice and the honor and all. I keep forgetting that. It?s my role, to preach my own sense of preaching.
I think I?m okay with that.
After a while, the rain reminded me of another thing, of a different incident altogether.
It was after the war, after we?d been at odds with each other in the office for a while, constantly bickering about the role of women in the media and how I was so narrow-minded, even though, as I argued, I wasn?t, and maybe narrow-mindedness comes from the accusation of narrow-mindedness. Which I didn?t really get at the time, and I don?t think she did either, but it shut both of us up for a while.
Then the most amazing thing happened.
She smiled.
At the time I wanted to kill myself or do something radical along those lines, because I was getting so sappy that a smile could haunt me like that, which, under normal circumstances, would have never been even remotely possible. But I couldn?t help it. And I was starting to think that maybe I overrated normal circumstances anyway.
She was talking with Noin at the time, the two of them in the corridor outside my office. ?I?m glad you?re going on the undercover job instead of me.? She told her friend. ??Cause, I don?t want to tell my superiors or anything, but I don?t really have a place to hide the gun at the moment. Unless they want it back all red.?
I exited my office at just the right moment to see her wrap up the punch line. She topped it off with a wry smile, her rosebud lips pulling up into an amused expression. I didn?t really get the joke at the time ? slow, yes ? but she seemed very happy about it, very?pure.
Meilan had always been pure.
No matter what had happened, she was always brutally honest with herself and me. Yes, she hated me at the beginning, and she was honest about that. But even when we were constantly at war about the meaning of justice, she still found ways to smile at the simplest things, these wonderful smiles that, even though I hated her, made me feel warm inside.
And, as I watched Sally smile, I could almost see Meilan there, too.
The smile was the first thing that enchanted me. The second thing was stupid on my part, an impulse that I irrationally acted upon.
Sally?s hair had been let out that day, on Noin?s urging that she just wanted to ?see what it was like?. Without those tight braids determining the strict expression of her face, with the gold falling lightly around her ears and framing her face, she just gave me such a generally happy expression that I had to see if it was even real. Could someone really be that much of an optimist?
I had to know.
Slowly, I began to pass by. Sally was still at odds with me, and Noin favored Sally, so neither of them said a greeting. And, at first, I tried to seem firmly detached from all that was happening around me, like my mind was too busy drowning in the endless paperwork (Une seems to enjoy piling on) to even notice what was going on.
But there was her hair, just lying there. And Meilan had had hair just that long, only it had been much more dark. But the silkiness was there, the wonderful cascading flow, and something in me told me I just had to see what it was like before the chance got by me.
And I?d never gotten the chance to run my hands through Meilan?s hair.
I, slowly, and with some hesitance, reached my hand up and kneaded a thread of her hair through my hand, relishing the smoothness of it and observing how the frayed edges curled around my fingers.
Noin was the first to notice. She blinked, raised an eyebrow, and asked, ?Wufei, what are you doing??
I said nothing, but slowly began to sneak my hand back through from whence it came. For some reason, I had forgotten that Sally was still there ? weird, yes, that I should have the disillusion that it?s only her hair and me and Noin ? but she was still there, and she made me quite aware of that fact as she turned to face me. Me with my hands still in her hair.
We stared at each other for a long moment. Black to powerful blue, as blue as the heart of a flame.
Of course, I didn?t think that at the time. It was just black to blue.
I was stupid. I?m still stupid. I?m trying to become non-stupid.
Maybe I?ll actually accomplish that someday.
Then, even as I stared at her, and she stared at me, she put her hand on my own, and helped it find it?s way out of that flowing river of gold. I wanted to do so much at that moment ? I wanted to embrace her, to thank her for always being so positive and sweet and beautiful ? but I had no words ? and so I allowed her to just simply put my hand back where it belonged, at my side.
Sally turned back to Noin, and smiled again. ?So,? She began, engaging Noin in conversation again, except that now Noin was very bewildered and kept sending me shocked glances, ?You?re jet setting off to Europe for the mission, correct??
I took the hint, and walked away.
Looking back, it?s almost amusing how confused I was. By the simple action of feeling her hair, basic instincts were aroused in me ? that moment where I had wanted to embrace her ? it kept haunting me. I couldn?t understand why I would be as foolish to have these feelings, and so I tried harder and harder to shove them away, to get back to what I had always been about, the ?honorable work to keep justice true and pure?.
But she was always smiling. And laughing. And just generally being a happy person, who, despite what may happen, would always counter life with a careless shrug and a decisive action that was always the perfect thing to do in the pressure of the moment.
And no matter what I did, I began to feel that that was more pure than justice could ever hope to be.
She treated me differently, as well. Instead of countering my snide remarks about women with a snide remark about men, she would give me one of those infamous careless shrugs and say, ?If you say so, Wufei.?
On the whole, she was just nicer. Or, maybe, she had always been nicer, and I had just been too damned ignorant to take notice.
Whatever the case, we learned to tolerate each other.
Then there was Duo.
For a long time now, I?ve tried to fathom what goes on in that braided baka?s mind.
I?m still absolutely clueless.
But what I can say is, while he can be so senselessly cheerful you just want to throw up, he never gives up the fight, and has his own very strong sense of justice and purpose, however different that may be from my own. His masquerades as the God of Death seem to be a way to channel the mutual confusion that surrounds every fighter ? who is our enemy? Why do we fight? Do we fight justly?
Though, I don?t understand why falsely professing to be a God helps any of that in any way, shape, or form.
In any case, Hilde, Sally, and Noin had become a very close-knit group after the war, and they wanted to get together for ?some dinner and a movie?. Not one to be left behind, Duo firmly said he was going.
?You might get bored with a gaggle of girls talking about?um, girl stuff.? Hilde pointed out, setting down the phone.
I cannot remember where we were at the time ? I think Duo had taken the ?liberty of visiting his good ?ol pal? at his ?good ?ol pal?s wonderfully small yet horrid apartment?.
Duo would not have that. ?What, you mean, complaining about men? That?s it, I have to go. The other sex has to have some sort of a defense there.?
I interrupted. ?Then we are most certainly a lost cause.?
?You?re going to get bored.? Hilde insisted.
?Hiiiiiiiiillllldddddddeeeeeeee?.okay, fine. I?ll bring Wufei.?
?I am under no command to go. It?ll just be you and Hilde?s friends.? I said, disgusted at the idea.
?Too bad. You don?t have a life, so you have to go.?
Who can argue against logic like that?
Before I knew what was happening, we had reservations at the Old Italian restaurant on 5th Street.
We were lucky, because it was one of the coolest places in town, located at the top of a skyscraper-like place with a wonderful view. It was especially nice, because, after dinner, we could treat ourselves to the dance floor or just lounge around.
Notice the ?we?.
Very soon, I was left wondering how this, in any way, added to my quality of life. Although in the beginning we laughed and talked as one group, and things were none too bad, very soon we?d diversified into our own little couples. Noin and Sally started talking endlessly about all the girl things Hilde had taken such lengths to warn Duo about, while Hilde, cheated out of her chance to talk about those very girl things, still ended up very busy, except it was Duo in the corner with the charm that killed her chances of a girl?s night out.
I sat myself on one of the couches facing the gigantic windows that fixated practically the entire wall, and I could not be moved. The view was amazing, for one thing, for I looked down onto an array of city-lights, a sea of black and gold, and, for another, I was tired. I?d spent the entire night before on a murder case involving an important politician.
Not like that was any excuse. I was beginning to get weaker ? just like I am now ? during the war; I would have weeks without sleep, endlessly battling in the vastness of space.
?Hey. Got room for two??
As soon as I looked towards the voice, I was treated to another one of her heart-wrenching smiles.
Damn.
I shrugged carelessly. ?I do not care.?
It was a lie, of course, because there was nothing I cared about more. But I couldn?t tell her that. And I was too tired to come up with some excuse to send her packing. And, at any rate, there was a small part of me that wanted her there, that wanted her smile and her pretty laugh and her way of always seeing things as a cup half-full.
?I?ll take that as a yes, then.? She said, moving past me to get to the other end of the couch.
It was one of those really saggy couches that practically swallows you at first, drowning you in all it?s cushiony comfort, so when she sat down I could feel her weight flow over towards me. ?Whoa?weird couch.? She commented, mimicking my exact thoughts.
I looked over to the back of the room; a question suddenly making it?s way through the confines of my mind. ?Where?s Noin?? I asked, turning back to Sally with a skeptical expression. ?I would think that you would be with her.?
Sally shrugged a careless shrug just like the one I had made moments before. ?She got a call from you-know-who.?
Now that I was looking directly at her, I saw the dress she was wearing, and before I could properly screen my thoughts, I was thinking about just how very nice she looked. And she did, with a bikini-top black dress that hugged her hips smartly, and just generally looked wonderful on her. Over dinner Noin had convinced her to try something a little bit different than her standard braids, and the two had taken a short bathroom break to fix her hair into a high ponytail. I didn?t like that as much as her hair long and loose and flowing down to her waist, but it still looked great.
And then there was another thought. That SHE was the one making the clothes and hair look great, that they were merely accessories to the cause, and that, god, she was so beautiful, inside and out.
?Who? Milliardo??
She nodded, and accepted a glass of wine from a passing servant. ?Yeah.? Absently twirling it in her hand, she continued, ?I don?t know what?s going on between the two of them, but they need to get it under wraps or something. I don?t know how much more Noin can take.?
?Noin should just say she loves him and get the damn thing over with.? I commented, leaning further back into the couch.
Something flashed in Sally?s eyes as she sipped her wine and heard my comment. I tried to figure out what it was ? pity? Hatred? Anger? Ignorance? At the moment, of course, I settled with ignorance.
?What makes you think she hasn?t? In so many ways she has, time and time again. Things aren?t always as simple as you think they are, Wufei.?
?Maybe they are. Maybe you complicate them.?
For a moment there, she looked ready for murder, downing the rest of the wine in one gulp and glaring at me. I did my best to not cower under the power of this woman?s gaze, found that it was ultimately useless, and made a pathetic shrug, turning away. In a desperate attempt to forget this flailing conservation, I drowned myself in the quiet reflection of this place?s atmosphere.
?The music they play here is bad.? I said at last, commenting about the awful saxophone they were blasting over the speakers.
To my surprise, as I turned back to look at Sally, her expression softened and she gave me one of her damned true-blue smiles. ?Uh-huh.? She nodded, and, to my even further surprise, reached her hand across the short distance between us and patted my hand that lay uselessly at my side. ?It?s some attempt to recover jazz, I think. But they?re doing it entirely wrong.?
I raised an eyebrow. ?Jazz??
That certainly got her attention. Withdrawing her hand to mockingly thump her chest in shocking awe, she shook her sadly and told me quite firmly, ?I can?t believe you don?t know what jazz is!?
I shrugged.
?Jazz is only the greatest music genre ever created. My god. You can defeat twenty enemies at one time, and yet you don?t know jazz? Damn, that?s bad, Wufei, that?s real bad.?
I shot her a scrutinizing look, but very slowly it turned into the same air of mocking that became her. ?I?m underprivileged.? I offered weakly, wishing I were better at this game.
Before I was sure of what was happening, she had gotten to her feet, and retaken my hand. Pulling me to my feet, she said in a no-nonsense-tone, ?We can?t have that. Come, I?ll just have to teach you.?
I really had no control. Very soon she had bid a disgruntled Duo and Hilde goodnight, said that she was culturing me, and dragged me to her car.
Then we went to her apartment.
I really had no control.
Sally had a three-room place at the very top of a suburban apartment house, room three forty-two, level two. I thought it looked decent enough, but Sally herself had only sighs and excuses about the dirty towel on the kitchen floor, and the leaky sink, and the way the one rug was fraying at it?s ends, and man she was just really sorry that the entire place looked more suited for a busy five person family that didn?t have an inch of time for cleaning.
For a moment, as she was so busy touring me around the place and pointing out all the bad points, I thought that she?d forgotten why we?d come.
Honestly, I wasn?t sure why I?d come, other than there was something amazing about her smile and the way she was constantly laughing and god her hair was so silky smooth, and I may have been a little drunk, and then there was also something about ?real? jazz in there somewhere.
At last, as I stumbled over to the couch and took a seat, she made her way to a stereo sitting on the floor near by. Right next to this stereo was a rather large and rather high collection of cds, which she instantly set to sorting through.
As she kneeled on the floor and sorted, shaking her head at certain titles and nodding in agreement to others, she informed me, ?You know, jazz is the best dancing music there is, as far as I?m concerned.?
I raised an eyebrow, and pushed down an impulse to question the value of her concern. ?Dancing??
?Don?t tell me you don?t know what that is. I?m good, Wufei, but I?m not a miracle worker.?
?No?I think I?m cultured enough to know that.? I replied. ?But I?m not a very good dancer. I don?t see the?the attraction.?
?Hmm.? For a moment she took on a skeptical look, and busied herself more in the hunt for this jazz music rather the hunt for the two of us maintaining a decent conservation ? which, may I add, as of then had never been done ? but very soon, even as she discarded yet another cd back to the stack from whence it came, she had returned to the art of talking.
?The attraction? What do you mean? The attraction between men and women, or the attraction between people and the dance??
I frowned, considering my reply for a long time. At last, ?Both.?
Before I had prepared myself, she had turned to face me and smiled another of those sweet smiles that just melted me inside. ?Oh, come on, Wufei. Like you?ve never been in love or anything.?
I felt myself redden. ?Maybe I haven?t.?
?I doubt it.? She returned, and, also, at the same time, returned to her sorting and searching. ?You seem like a wounded animal all the time.?
I sat up straighter very quickly. ?What?? I demanded, but before I could get the rest of my interrogation out, she had interrupted with a booming, ?AHA, I?VE GOT IT!? And so there was nothing more to be said on the matter.
She placed the cd in the stereo, punched a few buttons, stood up, and fairly soon a beautiful piece of musical work was wafting it?s way up off the machinery to my ears. Although it was not, admittedly, my favorite style of music, there was something undeniably catchy and beautiful about the flow. Besides, when I thought about it, I didn?t like music anyway, but I tolerated this.
Yes, it had the same sort of elegant flow and happiness that I could always capture in Sally?s face, Sally?s pleasantly refreshing and beautiful face that always made me feel like a new, impressionable day was on the rise.
And I wondered if I was becoming obsessed, that a mere smile of a woman?s ? a woman?s! ? could torture me like this.
Yet, the music also always found a way to maintain a resigned intelligence, a knowledgeable opinion that though life was good, it wasn?t perfect, and it had all it?s damned kinks. Just like Sally. And yeah, at the time I was certain I was drunk, thinking all this whimsical thoughts that were so unbecoming to me, more like Quatre?s thing. But now I think I may have just been drunk on her.
?Do you like it?? She asked earnestly, sending me a look of hopeful whimsy.
I nodded solemnly. ?Silly woman. Of course. It is beautiful. Not my? ?thing??but, regardless, it is beautiful.?
I almost added, just as beautiful as you, but, fortunately, caught myself.
She smiled. ?So, you want to dance, then??
Oh, no. I had not been thinking of that. But then again, how could I have missed that? Naturally, she had had a meaning to her explanation of how jazz was the perfect dance music. I was trapped, yet again. I really, really, did not have any control now.
?Here?? I asked weakly.
She looked all around the room, and then back to me. I got the message. Where else?
?Fine, woman.? I said, defiantly adding the last word on to see if it got her angry and if it got me off the hook.
No such thing. She looked at me blankly, and then, don?t you know, went and smiled again.
She can deny it up and down that she?s a peaceful creature, but right then I doubted it. Her method of hunt and capture was relentless, and, unfortunately, perfect. I was lost, completely lost, thanks to her optimistic smiling ways.
With a sigh, I stood up and strode over to her, holding out my hands for her to take. After chuckling, and taking them in her own, she quickly set to guiding me and giving directions.
It was a very humbling experience, but, nevertheless, an enjoyable one, with the music cascading around just like her hair could, and the lights slowly dimmed, and the two of us talking in low voices while I feebly attempted to move my feet under her command. I made a lot of mistakes, and actually stepped on her toes twice. But she always, after wincing slightly, flashed a smile and then a grin, her eyes twinkling, and went on to fix my crucial balancing waver.
Finally, I could move in tune to the beat alongside her. We danced for a long time this way, and though neither of us kept track of the time, for some reason I?m sure that it was at least an hour or so.
I can?t really explain it. It was like there was one realm ? the apartment and the dirty laundry on the floor she had apologized for and the kitchen door to the right and the cd collection lying haphazardly on the floor and the music and Sally and me ? and then, in the other, there was the music, and there was us.
?Okay, now, take this hand,? She squeezed the right handed one, ?and put it on my hip.?
I blinked. ?Am I allowed to do that??
?It?s a part of the pose. It?s standard. Don?t worry. Really. I?m giving my permission.?
With a great deal of hesitation, I removed my one hand from hers and stretched it out to her hip, placing it there very gently. She chuckled at my modesty, but nodded in very obvious approval, and said, ?Okay, now, I?ll put my free hand on your shoulder.? And she did so, with just as much careful care as I had done with her hip.
In this new position, we leaned in to each other considerably more. I could smell her perfume now, sweet like lilacs, sweet and free like the meadow that Meilan had passed away in.
Meilan had never worn perfume, for she had considered it below her tomboy image. But it had never mattered, because after she had spent a day in the meadow, the scent of the flowers had attached itself to her, and then the house would smell like it for the rest of the week. I could almost see the small hut of a house we had been granted, as I danced with Sally ? right down to the open kitchen window right above the sink that always looked out onto the meadow, to the mobile designs she always kept spread across the kitchen counter.
I had never minded that scent. It had pervaded the air of the house like a wonderful obsession, and I had enjoyed it.
It was like I enjoyed dancing with Sally now, the same way her perfume hung in the air, like a?like a wonderful obsession.
?I can?t believe we?re doing this.? Sally said, and my visions of that hut faded away, to be replaced by reality.
I raised an eyebrow. ?Doing what??
Her smile drew upwards almost quizzically, like she wasn?t quite sure what to say, or even what she had just said. ?Oh, I don?t know?dancing, I guess. We?ve been doing it for a while.?
?Do you want to stop??
For some reason, the idea hurt.
?No. Unless you do.? I said, in a sense placing the spotlight on her.
She, too, seemed scandalized at the idea.
?I don?t.? She replied with a long sigh, but it wasn?t an annoyed sigh, it was a pleased sigh.
Yes, we were very close now, what with her perfume, and her body heat, and the pounding of her heart. I found myself treasuring every moment, and I had a sudden thought that god, I don?t want this to stop, I think I would die if it did, no, it couldn?t stop.
?You?re enjoying it??
Silly question.
?Yes. I honestly didn?t think I would, but there?s something very?nice.? Stupid word. ?I cannot explain it. There?s the music, and it?s beautiful, and then there?s this thing where everything?s sort of stopped?? I myself stopped now, suddenly feeling horribly wishy-washy and weak.
?The music is beautiful??
As she asked the question, there was a little giggle to accompany the waver in her voice, and her eyes sparkled, and there was her perfume, and the music, and the soft drum beats of her heart.
I cannot explain what came over me then.
?Yes. The music is beautiful, and the motions we are making are beautiful, and your place is beautiful?and?and??
Her heart was beating so strongly. And she was looking at me so happily.
Could such optimism really be true?
??and you?re beautiful??
I removed my hand from her hip, and, before she could question me, I moved it to her cheek. Something flashed in her eyes then, but I had no question about it this time.
And, as meadows of sweet lilac scent and happiness and beautiful smiles and flowing hair and darkness all around and elegant music and the wonderful obsession all flashed in my own eyes, I leaned in, and she leaned forward, and our lips met in a sweet kiss that I did not want to end, just as I did not want the dance to end, and I did not want Meilan to end, and I wanted so many things, but god knows that you can only give and take so much in this short life, and I was taking something truly pure and beautiful at that moment.
When that kiss finally ended to my subtle dismay, her reaction was quickly to burrow herself in another kiss. And we kept kissing, and the music kept playing, and the shadows threw dark designs over our two bodies as they became one, finally to lay down in sweet exhaustion on white sheets.
It was a wonderful night, yes.
But the morning was not all that wonderful. Without the jazz music somehow invading our souls, our conversation was sketchy, automatic, and almost embarrassedly predictable. Neither of us were very sure about what had happened, or we were scared, or something along those lines.
Admittedly, I was definitely scared. In the same night, I?d lost my virginity, and my tough-boy image.
So, after a rough breakfast of toast, I bid Sally a quick goodbye. It was a word goodbye, not a kiss goodbye, and then I left.
And then we rarely talked at the office, like we had made some sort of mutual pact that, yes, we were professionals playing professional roles, and that what had happened to us one night was very unprofessional, but hey, we were probably drunk, and we could still be friends, right?
That was what I told myself at the time, anyway, that was my denial, my justification. Now that I think back, and remember looks and expressions made by Sally during certain intervals in the workday, I?m thinking differently. Besides that fact, there were my own thoughts, my own hidden passions for her smile and her laughs and her no-nonsense business of smartly getting right to the point during times of trouble.
We found so many ways to distance ourselves. Time and time again, every time the ice had begun to thaw, or even to slowly break, one of us would blow cold air and everything would freeze up again. This act was usually committed by, naturally, me, but I can find a scapegoat in the solemn fact that she was also partial to snide last remarks or careless shrugs in response to a joke.
Yet, it was almost like something would not us have our way.
I don?t believe in fate, but if I did, I would most certainly say that was it. Except, then I would be admitting that I do believe in it, so I won?t say that.
Oh, damn. I already did.
Spring had finally begun to thaw away at the winter chill when the next thing happened, however somber it may be. I had spent a good week or so undercover, trying to understand a cult?s purpose, and relay that to Lady Une. Finally, I labeled it useless, and returned a defeated man to my office, where that very gracious Lady promptly burrowed me in paperwork.
I was almost halfway through when a knock came to my door. I raised an eyebrow for the skeptical look that next became my face, and said, sighing, ?Come in.?
To my surprise, it was Lady Une who strode in then, aptly neat and punctually prim as usual, with her hair in her buns rather than long down, as unusually. That was always the first sign that she was pissed off ? when her hair was in her tight buns and there was something strict about her expression, almost like, simply be her hairdo, her eyes had a glint and she could take the whole damn world on, if need be.
I was too annoyed at my drowning in signs and names and cute little white stationary to really care about that, however. ?What is it?? I asked snappishly, going back to a form and quickly scribbling my signature in black ink.
?Wufei, for god?s sakes get your face out of all that paperwork. Who assigned you all that, anyway??
I snorted, and grabbed the next sheet from the pile. ?You.? I said pointedly, dully refusing to look up.
She snorted in return, and next the tone of her voice was even more sadistic than was a match for me. ?No, it was the geniuses at Programming, I bet. Don?t use me as a scapegoat.?
I looked up finally, raising an eyebrow, as if to ask, well, woman, go on, what are you doing in here? Her superior level in accordance to mine was not an issue for me at that time ? she was only a woman, after all.
And, honestly, I still find her an annoying woman.
But my skeptical expression faltered as I saw a sudden glint in her eyes, just like Sally?s. It must be a very damnedly vexing trait of woman?s, to make you shiver with a simple look into their crystal eyes. The glint ? it was sadness, yes, a slimmer of absolute and utter sadness.
?Wufei, there has been an attack on Colony L-5.?
I felt my breath suck in. Well, I told myself, maybe it wasn?t that bad, maybe there was just a bomb threat in some snob reclusive hotel or something. The leadership on that colony of mine has become stupidly jumpy activism, at any rate, nothing to get to riled up over.
Except the unwavering Lady of the once noble Sir Treize had flashed sadness in her eyes.
Some genius had set a bomb off in L5?s weather control. Normally, that wouldn?t be too bad, but by chance the bomb had knocked several systems off line, and started some others ? mainly, the buttons that triggered electrical storms had been clicked on, and then stuck on. The whole colony was engulfed in the storm, which started to set off various fires.
I?m not sure if I even heard the word ?fire?. All I know is that I saw Lady Une?s lips moving, and the meaning of it registered in my brain ? and then I saw Meilan?s precious meadow afire, and all my goddamned professional shield just dropped, and I was out of my chair, pushing Lady Une aside, and running in a blind, absolute panic out the door and around the corner, not about to stop running until I had the first flight out of here to my beloved colony.
She had fought so hard, only for some freak thing to destroy it all.
As I ran down the corridors, my feet thumping against the white tiles, I stopped for nothing, for no man.
Noin was talking to a scientist and seemed very disappointed about something. I ran past her, and she looked up briefly to give me a quizzical expression. Milliardo, or, rather, Zechs, had stopped by for some reason, and was walking out of an office. I fairly knocked him down as I ran past.
Assistants and medical observers and command operatives alike all watched the crazed Chang run past, his face expressionless. I didn?t care ? I kept seeing the flowers of that beautiful field all ablaze, passing into the lavender sky as ashes. And I saw HER, I saw Meilan?s ashes rise besides them, burning up and up into an unforgiving new night.
Assistants and medical observers and command operatives alike all watched the crazed Chang run past. Neither of them had the guts of a glare or the attention of an attentive gaze to even make me comprehend slowing, until I turned a corner and ran right into another body.
Damn. It was her.
I lay sprawled on the floor, humbled. But I wouldn?t let her see that.
?You baka woman. Watch where you?re going.? I said snappishly, getting to my feet.
She frowned at me, and set to collecting some papers of hers that had spread upon the floor on impact. On her knees, and only glancing up at me every now and then for a glare, she snorted.
?YOU were the one running. Even school children know not to run. What are you so excited about??
?When I see how that is any business of yours, I will inform you, Miss Poe.? With that, I began to walk away, not even bothering to look over my shoulder.
But it was a walk, not a run.
Fortunately, my collision had somehow knocked me back into the logical mobility of awareness. Chances were the meadow had not gotten smoked, right? And, besides, I shouldn?t only be worried about that. People had probably gotten killed, unjustly so.
But people can run ? the meadow can?t move an inch.
Heh.
It?s a meadow, an inanimate object.
Heh.
NO, her spirit resides in it, just as it does in Nakatu. She IS it ? she IS Nakatu, and she is the meadow, and I can?t ever forget that, because she?ll never be dead, her will to fight is too damned strong for her to ever die.
And then, a hand was on my arm, soft and caring, willing my attention back to Sally. Surprised, I turned to look at her over my shoulder, and found that her eyes were staring up into mine, projecting that same sadness visible on Lady Une earlier. It must be a trait of woman?s, I thought to myself, but then also thought that I?d never seen Meilan sad, not sad like that.
She nudged a piece of paper into my hand, smiling weakly. Raising an eyebrow, I brought it up to the light, and saw that it was a report on L5 ? with all the same information Une had just relayed to me in the office. Except that there was something here that Une had not told me ? the list of casualities.
And it was high. Too high.
I hissed in my next breath, but managed to control my anger, shaking my head and pushing the paper back to Sally.
?You?re going there, aren?t you?? She asked, almost sadly.
?Hmph. You are an annoying woman.? I replied, as coldly as I could manage, wishing desperately that she would stop confusing me with her smiles and her kindness.
Then I left. But I should have checked the look in her eyes. If I had, I would have noted the supreme determination, and the profound caring, all locked far away in eyes burning like a flame, eyes burning like the heart of a flame.
I fought hard. I fought damn hard, that?s what I did.
We all fought hard, throwing our honor and our purpose and our justice and ourselves into the fight, trading blow with blow, attack with attack, with only the absolute black all around as our reward. I know that life isn?t fair, as a rule, and that, as a fighter especially, it?s not supposed to be fair, but as I stood there, standing at the outskirts of her once glorious meadow, I couldn?t stop thinking that man, this really wasn?t fair, and that man, I can see where she died, right over there, and it?s smoking cinders.
Man, it?s just not fair. And I don?t even like that slang usage ? it?s stupid and overrated ? but MAN.
Tiredly, I slumped to the dirt ground, and hid my face in my hands, thinking, damn, it was all in vain. And, call it what you will, intuition or fighter?s instinct or whatever, but as I simply sat there, I could feel Sally?s presence even before there was the crunch of grass under her boots.
I knew the motions she would make before she committed them ? I knew she was going to sit besides me, and place her hand on the back of my neck, and then sigh a very tired sigh that sounded like a silent agreement to my plight.
?I?m sorry.? She said once she had gone through all my predictions, and I knew she was going to say that too. It wasn?t that she was predictable ? she was just so kind, that that was the only thing she could damned well do.
I sighed, pulling my face out of my hands and staring off into space. ?I am a weak man.? I said slowly, angrily knotting my hands into fists, ?I have just let a woman see me in sadness, and that is unforgivable. I cannot moan and groan and wallow in self-pity here.?
?Why not? I, myself, enjoy that.? Here, there was a sweet little chuckle that warmed and honored my soul. But then, she frowned, and returned to seriousness. ?It was your colony, Wufei. You each fought for a colony ? all five of you ? and this was your colony. The one you fought so hard to protect, the one that you poured your soul into defending. And, now, it?s nearly gone, just by some freak cult?s little escapade.?
Absently, I began to pluck at a blade of grass, folding it over and over again and making little cuts at it with my fingernails. ?You don?t have to be so blunt. Woman?s baka trait, I suppose.? I said, surprising myself with an ironic smile. Yes, women were blunt, and their eyes were too revealing.
?Heh.?
She surprised me once more by pulling me into a hug, placing her chin atop my head and stroked my hair, which had been let loose from it?s ponytail by my furious, pulse-pounding journey to get to my colony as soon as possible. The position felt awkward, wrong, as my head burrowed into her chest and she held me like I was a child. I hated it at the time, because she was the one being strong, and I was weak, and that wasn?t how things were supposed to be.
?What I don?t understand, though?? She began, weakly.
I nodded to show I was listening.
?What I don?t understand is why you came directly here, to this meadow. There are so many other places I thought you would have checked out first, but you came right here, and you stopped here.?
I made a very ?duh? observation. ?You followed me.?
?Yes.?
There was a long pause, where it was just her warm chest and her heart beat and her fingers running through my hair and the coldness of the air all around in contrast to her body. And I could still see this mental image, of Meilan laughing, of Meilan turning to me in the once happy meadow, not darkened by deranged fires as it was now, but blue and peaceful and just generally happy.
?Wufei?.it?s just that?.you looked?.you looked the saddest here.?
Which was when I finally was forced to acknowledge my weak ways, and spill out the whole sob story, while she held me and rocked me like the damned little baby I was. And, after a time, the rain came pouring down, this time without the electrical current, extinguishing the fires with its pounding, relentless drive.
It was still raining when we finally got up and left the meadow, still fellow officers, nothing more.
But we were fellow officers that loved each other.
Yes, strange that all that should come out of the confines of my mind merely when it started to rain, but I can?t help it. Every time the heavens cry I can totally recall the string of incidents that lead up to that one climatic moment, like I was watching a picture show or something like that.
And, just as I don?t mind my ways of preaching, I?m okay with that.
I drove down the road for a long while, entering others and exiting them all the same, the rain forever pounding down hard. Eventually, I reached the apartment building; in which was the apartment that Sally and I now share.
Except that there was one little problem.
A big black van had already parked itself in our particular driveway, the one for apartment 314, and, when I had finally found an alternative place to park, getting out of my car and going over to write down the other?s license plate, I saw the solemn Perfect Soldier looking out at me from the driver?s seat.
I thought, shit, here?s trouble, and ran over to give him the best chewing-out I could possibly supply.
Hell, it?s as much of my trademark as that braided baka?s damned constant grin.
Part Two of Taking Time
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Desert Bloom
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