Silence
Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2003 10:13 pm
Disclaimer: I don?t own crap.
Note: An old fic of mine. An author challenged me to write a short fic beginning with the words..."I dreamt i killed you last night..."
<i>I dreamt I killed you last night.</i>
But it was just a dream. The blood, the sound of a bullet fracturing your flesh. But it was just a dream, because you stand before me now. You lower your gaze and stare at the ground, as if you can find yourself there. Then you turn your back to face the tempestuous wind, forgetting my presence while you get lost in the empty silence. I wish I could offer you sound, but even more, I wish I could offer you love.
?What do you want from me?? There?s no innocence left. No honesty.
A shiver took hold of you and I watched you wrap an arm around yourself, for lack of anyone else to keep you warm.
?Nothing.?
Frustration made me grit my teeth, made me careless with demands.
?Nothing? You went to all the trouble of sending a note that says urgent just to get me to meet you and then you tell me that you wanted nothing from me??
I started to walk away, desperate to leave my fears behind. ?I don?t like anyone wasting my time.?
?No, I suppose you don?t.?
The soft sound made me halt in mid-step. There was something about your voice. Something that made my heart stopped beating. Wulfei and Duo would laugh at that. They would say that I didn?t have a heart to begin with. Quatre and Trowa would be too polite to offer a comment.
?Last chance, Relena. What do you want from me?? Anger is better than any other emotions. It?s okay to let your voice tremble with anger than with fear.
?I want closure.?
Perhaps I was wrong. Emptiness is even better than anger. Closure?
?What?s that suppose to mean?? What?s the matter with me? I never used to have any trouble with emptiness, but now it eluded me. Now that I needed it the most. Relena and I were vying for indifference.
I had no idea then that I was destined to lose the war.
?I?m leaving, and I wanted closure.?
Leaving? If my heart simply stopped beating before, now it was drained of all blood and all life. It just lied there inside my chest, a heavy weight of flesh. I wish I could reach in and show you what you?ve done to me. Show you how deadly a weapon love is.
?I see.?
?No, you don?t. You think I?m being a coward, running away from my responsibilities.?
How wrong you are. You?re the bravest woman I have ever met. Certainly braver than I am. You?re not afraid to love and be loved.
?Don?t pressume you know my thoughts. What do you mean by closure??
Finally, you turned and met my eyes. Endless blue water. I can?t count the times those eyes had drowned me. But then again, perhaps I had never stopped drowning.
?I just wanted to say goodbye.?
Such a simple word: goodbye. It was the world to me.
Was it possible to be paralysed with emptiness? I couldn?t move when you walked by me. The careless wind whipped your hair and brought it close to my lips, daring me to kiss it. Your cold scent surrounded my senses and almost choked me.
?Goodbye.?
Such a simple word. Such a hollow voice. I could have sworn our roles were changed and you became the soldier I was meant to be. And I stood there long after you were gone, choking on my tears. So, this is what it was like to be you. When I walked away with dead eyes, killed by your ideals.
<i>I dreamt I killed you last night.
And I cried for the silence I could not break.</i>
Note: An old fic of mine. An author challenged me to write a short fic beginning with the words..."I dreamt i killed you last night..."
<i>I dreamt I killed you last night.</i>
But it was just a dream. The blood, the sound of a bullet fracturing your flesh. But it was just a dream, because you stand before me now. You lower your gaze and stare at the ground, as if you can find yourself there. Then you turn your back to face the tempestuous wind, forgetting my presence while you get lost in the empty silence. I wish I could offer you sound, but even more, I wish I could offer you love.
?What do you want from me?? There?s no innocence left. No honesty.
A shiver took hold of you and I watched you wrap an arm around yourself, for lack of anyone else to keep you warm.
?Nothing.?
Frustration made me grit my teeth, made me careless with demands.
?Nothing? You went to all the trouble of sending a note that says urgent just to get me to meet you and then you tell me that you wanted nothing from me??
I started to walk away, desperate to leave my fears behind. ?I don?t like anyone wasting my time.?
?No, I suppose you don?t.?
The soft sound made me halt in mid-step. There was something about your voice. Something that made my heart stopped beating. Wulfei and Duo would laugh at that. They would say that I didn?t have a heart to begin with. Quatre and Trowa would be too polite to offer a comment.
?Last chance, Relena. What do you want from me?? Anger is better than any other emotions. It?s okay to let your voice tremble with anger than with fear.
?I want closure.?
Perhaps I was wrong. Emptiness is even better than anger. Closure?
?What?s that suppose to mean?? What?s the matter with me? I never used to have any trouble with emptiness, but now it eluded me. Now that I needed it the most. Relena and I were vying for indifference.
I had no idea then that I was destined to lose the war.
?I?m leaving, and I wanted closure.?
Leaving? If my heart simply stopped beating before, now it was drained of all blood and all life. It just lied there inside my chest, a heavy weight of flesh. I wish I could reach in and show you what you?ve done to me. Show you how deadly a weapon love is.
?I see.?
?No, you don?t. You think I?m being a coward, running away from my responsibilities.?
How wrong you are. You?re the bravest woman I have ever met. Certainly braver than I am. You?re not afraid to love and be loved.
?Don?t pressume you know my thoughts. What do you mean by closure??
Finally, you turned and met my eyes. Endless blue water. I can?t count the times those eyes had drowned me. But then again, perhaps I had never stopped drowning.
?I just wanted to say goodbye.?
Such a simple word: goodbye. It was the world to me.
Was it possible to be paralysed with emptiness? I couldn?t move when you walked by me. The careless wind whipped your hair and brought it close to my lips, daring me to kiss it. Your cold scent surrounded my senses and almost choked me.
?Goodbye.?
Such a simple word. Such a hollow voice. I could have sworn our roles were changed and you became the soldier I was meant to be. And I stood there long after you were gone, choking on my tears. So, this is what it was like to be you. When I walked away with dead eyes, killed by your ideals.
<i>I dreamt I killed you last night.
And I cried for the silence I could not break.</i>
figures.