Serendipity 9/12 by Coley_Merrin
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 7:14 pm
Hello All!
Jen asked me to post the next part of her story on the forum while she was here on Monday. She sends everyone tons of thanks for the reviews and feedback she's gotten so far on the fic. She also sends a huge hug to Miaka for beta-reading! '
So, without further ado... Chapter 9
***
Relena woke still feeling the aftereffects of her worry session. She shook her head, trying to chase away the doubting feelings. Perhaps they had moved too fast. Maybe Heero needed a little space. Lauren was already up it seemed. She belted her robe before entering the kitchen.
"Good morning," she said cheerfully.
"Relena!" Lauren shouted, leaving Heero's side to give Relena a hug.
"Good morning, Heero." The man who had been looking at her as she hugged the girl turned away without a word and Relena felt her heart freeze in her chest. It just couldn't be.
"Good morning," he said finally, his voice not cold, but not friendly either. "If you have your things together we can take you home after breakfast."
"But!" Lauren started, quelled by a look.
"All right," Relena said softly. "Thank you."
He nodded in her direction, and she fled.
***
Letting her go was perhaps the hardest thing he had ever done. He knew somewhat instinctively that he had hurt her badly, knew that he himself was hurting, but yet the fact that he had "saved" Lauren from any grief was juggling its way through the back of his mind. Had he truly saved her from anything? Could it really be possible that he had over reacted? He ached to be closer to Relena, wanted it as much as he wanted Lauren, but he just couldn't be sure of his situation. Part of his mind reasoned he could try for a relationship in a year or two, when he was more settled with Lauren and they were fully bonded, but somehow he knew that in a couple of years Relena would be so far out of his reach that he couldn't even begin to touch her. She was right here, right now, just now taking out her bags. He could reach for her and kiss her and all that was off between them would be right again. It was impossible. Every time he tried to reach for her he pulled back, and every time he pulled back he was surer that he was doing the correct thing.
He took her suitcase to her door for her, pausing as she did before she went inside. He had told her no questions until after, and she had taken that to heart, but somehow he wished that she would ask him now. He wanted her to ask him why he had kissed her in the kitchen, why he had wanted to dance with her, why he had pulled away. The look on her face that implied she was going to ask him a question faded and he knew it was the end. If she didn't ask, he couldn't tell, and it left them in a position that neither wanted to be in.
"I'll see you soon," he said, turning halfway, still expecting her to call him back.
"All right. Thank you for having me, Heero." The words were so soft, he thought, and it amazed him that she meant them. "Goodbye."
He didn't answer her. Goodbye was final, and it meant an end. He had ended their relationship himself, but there was still an odd bit of hope somewhere that told him that goodbye was the last thing he wanted to say. It ate at him that she had said it. But had she truly meant it as he feared? What could he possible do about it? except wait?
***
*The next weeks did not allow her to dwell on Heero. The New Year brought new paperwork, and she was pleased to ring in the New Year by herself. Lauren had called her several days after Christmas to thank her for coming, and to chat excitedly, and a bit nervously, about her new school. It had been pleasant, the girl hopefully suggesting they see each other soon. There had been little for Relena to say but that she hoped their schedules allowed it. It had satisfied Lauren but left Relena feeling slightly anxious. It was not in her power to know Heero's wishes and so she felt as if she were making an excuse for their...misunderstanding.
Duo was the first person she recognized on her first trip to the Preventer building. He had chosen an office near the entrance for the same reason Heero had chosen one to the rear- peple. Duo for the love of them, and Heero for the need to stay away. Duo had a wave and a sympathetic look for her as she passed by. He was not the watchdog and
one of their most productive workers for nothing.
She had been contemplating seeing Heero for as long as she'd known about the trip. Even now she debated it with herself, but it was clear that if she sought him out she'd want to ask questions and it was likely to downhill from there. It was not the kind of conversation she wanted to have in the middle of a work day. It was best to be patient,
though her whole stance screamed for confrontation.
As her business was concluded she wanted to run and fast. Every minute she was in the building knowing that Heero was somewhere inside made her jittery. She was not rude to the people she passed, just letting people think she had somewhere to be. She did but the place was home, and the greatest feature there was that Heero was not.
Her heart froze as the man half hidden in front of her turned. Heero stared back at her with a look that was not far from shock, not far from pain, and then entirely closed off. There were no greetings, there needed to be none. The atmosphere between them was not one of dislike, but instead wary, forgiving, accepting what was.
"How are you?" she asked, the small smile that her lips naturally took not reaching her eyes. If her eyes tried to smile they would weep, and she had been that route already.
"Fine." He, for a moment, loss the guarded look, and attempted troubled. "You did so much to help this along..."
A strangled laugh escaped before she could help it, and she held up her hand to stop him from babbling out something that would only hurt them both worse. She had the nerve then, and where she got the strength she didn't know, to meet his eyes and it made them both pause in shock, the heat of it.
"There hasn't been one thing that I haven't wanted to do. Don't make it sound as though you're in my debt, Heero, because I can't take it right now."
His answer, if he been able to formulate one, was interrupted by one of the older, founding advisors of the organization who spotted the two.
"How's the little miss?" he asked Heero after exchanging pleasant hello's.
"Doing well," Heero said, his face lighting up as it did when talking about Lauren. "She's enjoying her new school and putting on some weight."
"Good for her. You planning on giving her a mother and some brothers and sisters soon?"
The room, holding many people they knew and many whom had worked with Heero for the past few years, ground to a halt. They were... curious. In the first months that Heero had actually worked out of the building, the atmosphere surrounding his arrivals had been somewhere south of tense. The secretaries carried out his requests as though they were life and death in their urgency, and of course they thought that they were, given the rumors running rampant that Heero was as liable to shoot people as he was to give orders. This wore off after a while as they saw that he was just another person and not a raging madman. If he noticed the fact that people actually told him hello, felt brave enough to offer him coffee, didn't hide when he came around, and didn't look at Duo and the others in awe for being brave enough to speak to him, he never showed it. So they didn't expect a raging temper, but what he did or did not answer was of great interest to them all.
"That's the plan," the man who had everyone's gaze replied. There was no one fainting or exclaiming, but if there were sets of widened eyes and furtive whispers, he would be the last to know.
Heero could not look at her now. He had not been avoiding her. In fact he would say he had been almost cheerful for the past week. Almost. Lauren had been successfully entered in school. Everything seemed to be going along normally... except that the question forefront in his mind was "why?" Was it convenience or had he merely gotten cold feet? It wasn't as if she could say his politeness to her was an aberration, because he was polite to most people. But this... this was different.
She would find the courage some day. That open, curious, look that had ended their conversation had given her the courage to make it outside without breaking. Her hand clenched almost able to feel the warmth of his fingers in hers.
***
The office in front of her was not unfamiliar. It was the office of Wufei Chang, and had always been in the recent memory of the building. His working partner, Sally Po, had been given her own office, both of them given respect for their experience and position. They had held up the pretense of two offices for a good long time, until someone noticed that Sally's computer was more often occupied by a displaced secretary, and Wufei's second computer was occupied by Sally. After a while someone, no one was quite sure who though it was suspected to be Duo, attached a post-it note to Wufei's door so the plaque read Po-Chang. This had fallen off after a while and it had become somewhat of a tradition, that the first person to get to the note after it had given up and fallen off got to design the next one. There was a constant flow of doodles and jokes on it, a veritable message board, one that the two occupants of the office, each snug with their own desk and within easy discussion range of each other, didn't mind.
Relena smiled to see that the current paper was filled with holly leaves and champagne glasses for the holidays. Some random person had taped some confetti in the middle of the "o" in Po. Wufei's greeting grunt granted her access after her knock.
"Hi!" Sally said with a smile. "Long time no see."
"Hi. It has been a while hasn't it."
Sally pursed her lips slight, studying the pale politician. She opened her mouth but was beaten to the punch.
"'Could you go get us some coffee, Wufei'?" Wufei asked himself in a halfway passable imitation of his partner. "'Just take a long time in getting it because there are girly things we need to discuss. Thanks so much!' So long..."
The two women stared at the now closed door.
"He's too perceptive sometimes," Sally remarked wryly. "I'll get him for that girly comment later. What brings you here?"
"Lady Une has had something things she's wanted to discuss with me, and today is the first free day I've had in a week. I thought I'd stop by and say hello."
"What's wrong?"
Relena sighed. "I envy your relationship, Sally. You two are so easy with each other."
"He might tell you differently. You spent Christmas with Heero, I heard. Doesn't that give some hope?"
Relena laughed, a sound that echoed harshly, even to her ears. "No, in fact it wiped it out entirely."
She went on to tell Sally the finer points of the week. Sally was speechless after Relena had finished. It was then that Wufei returned, handing each woman their desired type of coffee. Sally nodded as he visually asked her permission to return to his desk.
"Is there some requirement that the gundam pilots had to be stubborn and hurtful?" Sally asked him.
"We had to be stubborn if we wanted to get anything done and survive. Hurtful?" he snorted. "Talked to Quatre lately? That's not one of his descriptions. What's Heero done now?"
No one answered.
"Sally wouldn't know this since she hasn't wandered that way, but Heero's been buried in his office for the past week. He stalks past me when he gets here and is off like he's never been before the second his shift is over. He's definitely got something rattling around upstairs."
"I'm such a fool," Relena whispered.
Wufei regarded her with shrewd eyes. "Why? Because you love the kid and want to be with your stubborn, hurtful pilot? That doesn't make you a fool, just a wishful thinker."
"A wishful thinker?" Sally said incredulously. "Are those supposed to be words of encouragement?"
"You know what I mean." They scowled at each other.
"No, I think you're right, Wufei. It was wishful thinking that he would need me, or want me like I did him. There's really no other way to put it."
"His actions seem to tell a different story," Wufei pointed out.
"What his actions say is that he is wholly, and completely devoted to his little girl. There is simply no arguing with that. There's no begging or pleading to be had. If that's his decision then I will respect it. Perhaps he wants to bond further with her himself, and that is certainly his right. She is his, and he is certainly his own man." She smiled, albeit slightly tinged with pain. "I won't fall apart. It doesn't change my feelings for either of them, it simply is."
"You won't fight for it?"
"If there's one thing that I know of Heero it's that he must make up his own mind. We have fought for so much, have had those moments of happiness. I cannot go to him, crawl to him, as if he were my lord granting me a boon. If he doesn't want this for all of us, there's no use."
"But what if he does and it would jar him into..."
"Jar Heero? No, when he turned me away his mind was set. It has to be his decision. I can't even tell what I want now. Hopefully time will show me. Life continues."
"But it's not easy."
"I don't think I ever expected it to be."
***
Lauren was now a week into her school year. Everything seemed to be going so well. Heero stared at the paper in his hands. He had to print it out to really believe it, and now it sat like a death sentence, eerily grinning at him. The paper floated to the desk to settle as he realized his hands were shaking. He had to stand, he had to... His hands were braced on the desk, his head hanging and his eyes wide. After the first few seconds his heart had taken a few frantic beats and was now roaring in his ears. The painful pressure in his throat began to burn. If he didn't know any better he would think he might pass out, but his grip on himself was a little stronger than that.
"'One Rachel Bentley gave birth to a full term baby girl, given the name Lauren Mya Bentley. The child's father and paternal extended family are deceased. Rachel Bentley's parents now reside in..."' He paused again, not believing what he was reading.
Lauren was not an orphan.
She had grandparents.
Jen asked me to post the next part of her story on the forum while she was here on Monday. She sends everyone tons of thanks for the reviews and feedback she's gotten so far on the fic. She also sends a huge hug to Miaka for beta-reading! '
So, without further ado... Chapter 9
***
Relena woke still feeling the aftereffects of her worry session. She shook her head, trying to chase away the doubting feelings. Perhaps they had moved too fast. Maybe Heero needed a little space. Lauren was already up it seemed. She belted her robe before entering the kitchen.
"Good morning," she said cheerfully.
"Relena!" Lauren shouted, leaving Heero's side to give Relena a hug.
"Good morning, Heero." The man who had been looking at her as she hugged the girl turned away without a word and Relena felt her heart freeze in her chest. It just couldn't be.
"Good morning," he said finally, his voice not cold, but not friendly either. "If you have your things together we can take you home after breakfast."
"But!" Lauren started, quelled by a look.
"All right," Relena said softly. "Thank you."
He nodded in her direction, and she fled.
***
Letting her go was perhaps the hardest thing he had ever done. He knew somewhat instinctively that he had hurt her badly, knew that he himself was hurting, but yet the fact that he had "saved" Lauren from any grief was juggling its way through the back of his mind. Had he truly saved her from anything? Could it really be possible that he had over reacted? He ached to be closer to Relena, wanted it as much as he wanted Lauren, but he just couldn't be sure of his situation. Part of his mind reasoned he could try for a relationship in a year or two, when he was more settled with Lauren and they were fully bonded, but somehow he knew that in a couple of years Relena would be so far out of his reach that he couldn't even begin to touch her. She was right here, right now, just now taking out her bags. He could reach for her and kiss her and all that was off between them would be right again. It was impossible. Every time he tried to reach for her he pulled back, and every time he pulled back he was surer that he was doing the correct thing.
He took her suitcase to her door for her, pausing as she did before she went inside. He had told her no questions until after, and she had taken that to heart, but somehow he wished that she would ask him now. He wanted her to ask him why he had kissed her in the kitchen, why he had wanted to dance with her, why he had pulled away. The look on her face that implied she was going to ask him a question faded and he knew it was the end. If she didn't ask, he couldn't tell, and it left them in a position that neither wanted to be in.
"I'll see you soon," he said, turning halfway, still expecting her to call him back.
"All right. Thank you for having me, Heero." The words were so soft, he thought, and it amazed him that she meant them. "Goodbye."
He didn't answer her. Goodbye was final, and it meant an end. He had ended their relationship himself, but there was still an odd bit of hope somewhere that told him that goodbye was the last thing he wanted to say. It ate at him that she had said it. But had she truly meant it as he feared? What could he possible do about it? except wait?
***
*The next weeks did not allow her to dwell on Heero. The New Year brought new paperwork, and she was pleased to ring in the New Year by herself. Lauren had called her several days after Christmas to thank her for coming, and to chat excitedly, and a bit nervously, about her new school. It had been pleasant, the girl hopefully suggesting they see each other soon. There had been little for Relena to say but that she hoped their schedules allowed it. It had satisfied Lauren but left Relena feeling slightly anxious. It was not in her power to know Heero's wishes and so she felt as if she were making an excuse for their...misunderstanding.
Duo was the first person she recognized on her first trip to the Preventer building. He had chosen an office near the entrance for the same reason Heero had chosen one to the rear- peple. Duo for the love of them, and Heero for the need to stay away. Duo had a wave and a sympathetic look for her as she passed by. He was not the watchdog and
one of their most productive workers for nothing.
She had been contemplating seeing Heero for as long as she'd known about the trip. Even now she debated it with herself, but it was clear that if she sought him out she'd want to ask questions and it was likely to downhill from there. It was not the kind of conversation she wanted to have in the middle of a work day. It was best to be patient,
though her whole stance screamed for confrontation.
As her business was concluded she wanted to run and fast. Every minute she was in the building knowing that Heero was somewhere inside made her jittery. She was not rude to the people she passed, just letting people think she had somewhere to be. She did but the place was home, and the greatest feature there was that Heero was not.
Her heart froze as the man half hidden in front of her turned. Heero stared back at her with a look that was not far from shock, not far from pain, and then entirely closed off. There were no greetings, there needed to be none. The atmosphere between them was not one of dislike, but instead wary, forgiving, accepting what was.
"How are you?" she asked, the small smile that her lips naturally took not reaching her eyes. If her eyes tried to smile they would weep, and she had been that route already.
"Fine." He, for a moment, loss the guarded look, and attempted troubled. "You did so much to help this along..."
A strangled laugh escaped before she could help it, and she held up her hand to stop him from babbling out something that would only hurt them both worse. She had the nerve then, and where she got the strength she didn't know, to meet his eyes and it made them both pause in shock, the heat of it.
"There hasn't been one thing that I haven't wanted to do. Don't make it sound as though you're in my debt, Heero, because I can't take it right now."
His answer, if he been able to formulate one, was interrupted by one of the older, founding advisors of the organization who spotted the two.
"How's the little miss?" he asked Heero after exchanging pleasant hello's.
"Doing well," Heero said, his face lighting up as it did when talking about Lauren. "She's enjoying her new school and putting on some weight."
"Good for her. You planning on giving her a mother and some brothers and sisters soon?"
The room, holding many people they knew and many whom had worked with Heero for the past few years, ground to a halt. They were... curious. In the first months that Heero had actually worked out of the building, the atmosphere surrounding his arrivals had been somewhere south of tense. The secretaries carried out his requests as though they were life and death in their urgency, and of course they thought that they were, given the rumors running rampant that Heero was as liable to shoot people as he was to give orders. This wore off after a while as they saw that he was just another person and not a raging madman. If he noticed the fact that people actually told him hello, felt brave enough to offer him coffee, didn't hide when he came around, and didn't look at Duo and the others in awe for being brave enough to speak to him, he never showed it. So they didn't expect a raging temper, but what he did or did not answer was of great interest to them all.
"That's the plan," the man who had everyone's gaze replied. There was no one fainting or exclaiming, but if there were sets of widened eyes and furtive whispers, he would be the last to know.
Heero could not look at her now. He had not been avoiding her. In fact he would say he had been almost cheerful for the past week. Almost. Lauren had been successfully entered in school. Everything seemed to be going along normally... except that the question forefront in his mind was "why?" Was it convenience or had he merely gotten cold feet? It wasn't as if she could say his politeness to her was an aberration, because he was polite to most people. But this... this was different.
She would find the courage some day. That open, curious, look that had ended their conversation had given her the courage to make it outside without breaking. Her hand clenched almost able to feel the warmth of his fingers in hers.
***
The office in front of her was not unfamiliar. It was the office of Wufei Chang, and had always been in the recent memory of the building. His working partner, Sally Po, had been given her own office, both of them given respect for their experience and position. They had held up the pretense of two offices for a good long time, until someone noticed that Sally's computer was more often occupied by a displaced secretary, and Wufei's second computer was occupied by Sally. After a while someone, no one was quite sure who though it was suspected to be Duo, attached a post-it note to Wufei's door so the plaque read Po-Chang. This had fallen off after a while and it had become somewhat of a tradition, that the first person to get to the note after it had given up and fallen off got to design the next one. There was a constant flow of doodles and jokes on it, a veritable message board, one that the two occupants of the office, each snug with their own desk and within easy discussion range of each other, didn't mind.
Relena smiled to see that the current paper was filled with holly leaves and champagne glasses for the holidays. Some random person had taped some confetti in the middle of the "o" in Po. Wufei's greeting grunt granted her access after her knock.
"Hi!" Sally said with a smile. "Long time no see."
"Hi. It has been a while hasn't it."
Sally pursed her lips slight, studying the pale politician. She opened her mouth but was beaten to the punch.
"'Could you go get us some coffee, Wufei'?" Wufei asked himself in a halfway passable imitation of his partner. "'Just take a long time in getting it because there are girly things we need to discuss. Thanks so much!' So long..."
The two women stared at the now closed door.
"He's too perceptive sometimes," Sally remarked wryly. "I'll get him for that girly comment later. What brings you here?"
"Lady Une has had something things she's wanted to discuss with me, and today is the first free day I've had in a week. I thought I'd stop by and say hello."
"What's wrong?"
Relena sighed. "I envy your relationship, Sally. You two are so easy with each other."
"He might tell you differently. You spent Christmas with Heero, I heard. Doesn't that give some hope?"
Relena laughed, a sound that echoed harshly, even to her ears. "No, in fact it wiped it out entirely."
She went on to tell Sally the finer points of the week. Sally was speechless after Relena had finished. It was then that Wufei returned, handing each woman their desired type of coffee. Sally nodded as he visually asked her permission to return to his desk.
"Is there some requirement that the gundam pilots had to be stubborn and hurtful?" Sally asked him.
"We had to be stubborn if we wanted to get anything done and survive. Hurtful?" he snorted. "Talked to Quatre lately? That's not one of his descriptions. What's Heero done now?"
No one answered.
"Sally wouldn't know this since she hasn't wandered that way, but Heero's been buried in his office for the past week. He stalks past me when he gets here and is off like he's never been before the second his shift is over. He's definitely got something rattling around upstairs."
"I'm such a fool," Relena whispered.
Wufei regarded her with shrewd eyes. "Why? Because you love the kid and want to be with your stubborn, hurtful pilot? That doesn't make you a fool, just a wishful thinker."
"A wishful thinker?" Sally said incredulously. "Are those supposed to be words of encouragement?"
"You know what I mean." They scowled at each other.
"No, I think you're right, Wufei. It was wishful thinking that he would need me, or want me like I did him. There's really no other way to put it."
"His actions seem to tell a different story," Wufei pointed out.
"What his actions say is that he is wholly, and completely devoted to his little girl. There is simply no arguing with that. There's no begging or pleading to be had. If that's his decision then I will respect it. Perhaps he wants to bond further with her himself, and that is certainly his right. She is his, and he is certainly his own man." She smiled, albeit slightly tinged with pain. "I won't fall apart. It doesn't change my feelings for either of them, it simply is."
"You won't fight for it?"
"If there's one thing that I know of Heero it's that he must make up his own mind. We have fought for so much, have had those moments of happiness. I cannot go to him, crawl to him, as if he were my lord granting me a boon. If he doesn't want this for all of us, there's no use."
"But what if he does and it would jar him into..."
"Jar Heero? No, when he turned me away his mind was set. It has to be his decision. I can't even tell what I want now. Hopefully time will show me. Life continues."
"But it's not easy."
"I don't think I ever expected it to be."
***
Lauren was now a week into her school year. Everything seemed to be going so well. Heero stared at the paper in his hands. He had to print it out to really believe it, and now it sat like a death sentence, eerily grinning at him. The paper floated to the desk to settle as he realized his hands were shaking. He had to stand, he had to... His hands were braced on the desk, his head hanging and his eyes wide. After the first few seconds his heart had taken a few frantic beats and was now roaring in his ears. The painful pressure in his throat began to burn. If he didn't know any better he would think he might pass out, but his grip on himself was a little stronger than that.
"'One Rachel Bentley gave birth to a full term baby girl, given the name Lauren Mya Bentley. The child's father and paternal extended family are deceased. Rachel Bentley's parents now reside in..."' He paused again, not believing what he was reading.
Lauren was not an orphan.
She had grandparents.