Blissful Ignorance

Title:Stick

Author:Melville?s Best Friend

Category: Best Comedy




?What now??

He sighed. ?Put the keys in the ignition and turn.?

?Which way??

?What??

?Which way do I turn the key??

He cupped his face in his hands. ?The only way it WILL turn.?

?It?s not starting.?

?Put your foot on the clutch.?

?It?s on the clutch.?

?That?s the break.?

?Then which one?s the clutch??

?The one to your left?FAR left.?

?Oh. Okay?.Now what??

?Put your foot on the break.?

?But my foot?s on the clutch??

?OTHER. Your OTHER foot on the break.?

?My right foot??

He whimpered. ?Yes. Your right foot.?

?Okay?Now what??

?Start the car.?

The engine started, and they sat as she looked incredibly pleased.

?Yes!!!! I?m on my way!!!! Wooo!?

He slammed his head on the dashboard.

?You have to put the car in gear and drive.?

?How do I go about doing that??

?Release the parking break.?

She moaned as the lever wouldn?t budge.

?It?s stuck.?

?No it?s not. You can do this.?

She grunted as the lever wouldn?t budge.

?It?s not moving.?

?If you can?t release the parking break, then I?m not going to teach you how to drive this.?

She grabbed it with both hands and tugged. The car died as her foot left the clutch.

?Oops?.Well?The break?s off?.That?s good!!!?

?We?re going back?we?re going back?AAAAAHHHHHH??START THE CAR AND PRESS THE BREAK!!!! START THE CAR AND PRESS THE BREAK!!!!?

She did as she was told, and looked at him.

?See? Nothing to worry about. Everything?s under control. Now?which one is the gear button??

?The lever in the middle of the car.?

???..?

?Not the dashboard, Relena. The MIDDLE of the car?.Right beside you.?

?Nifty! What now??

?First?.Second?.Third?.Fourth?.Fifth?Reverse.?

?Okay?I want reverse??

?Do you plan on driving into the garage??

?Not immediately.?

?Then, yes. Reverse. Keep your foot on the?Too late.?

?Blast it! It died!?

?You can?t take your foot off the clutch.?

?The heck I can?t!!!!?

?I?m leaving.?

?Get in this car and teach me how to drive or I?ll kill you.?

?Mission denied.?

?I?ll never touch you again.?

????

?Yes, Mr. Yuy, that includes sex. Now get in.?

?Hn.?

?Now?.Keep the clutch on?.and?..in reverse?right??

?Yeah.?

?Okay??

?Now?Slowly release the break, and we?ll start to AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NOT THE GAS! Take your foot off the gas!!!!!?

?Weeeeeee!!!! Blast it!?

?You CAN?T take your foot off the clutch!!!?

?I didn?t!!!?

?I did nothing to deserve this??

?Okay?.One more time??

?We?re in the middle of the road?I suggest you hurry.?

?I?m goin?, I?m goin???

?Truck??

?Which one?s the??

?TRUCK?.?

?Turn on the??

?T-R-U-C-K!!!!!!?

?There we go! See? I got it started!!!!?


BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.


?Curse that Doppler effect. Freaks me out every time?

?Relena?Get out of the car.?

?No. I?m driving.?

He sighed.

?Keep your foot on the clutch when you change gears??

?I?m still in reverse?Ok?.Now I want to go forward?what do I do??

?Keep your foot on the clutch.?

?Duh.?

?Move the stick to first.?

??K.?

?Slowly press the gas, and keep your foot on the clutch?but ease up on that??

?On what??

?The clutch.?

?While slowly pushing on the gas??

?Yes.?

Lurch.

Stop.

Lurch.

Stop.

Lurch.

Stop.


??..Okay- SLOWLY press the gas?SLOWLY lift the clutch.?

?When do I get to change gears??

?When you master going five miles an hour.?

Lurch.

Stop.

Lurch.

Stop.

Kadunaa dunka dunnn?..

?It died.?

?You took your foot off the clutch.?

?Wasn?t my fault.?

He looked at his watch.

?One more time??

?Good?Slow, though, Relena.?

?Ha! Ten miles an hour. Thank you, thank you. I?m pimpin? now!!!?

Hunah hunah woooooopst.

?DARN IT ALL TO HELL!?

?Foot on the-?

?I KNOW!!!!?

Fizza Fizzaa Whooooooommmm??chunka chunka chunka?.

?Okay?How do I change gears??

?Stop going this fast?You?ll need to change if you go that?Do you HEAR the sound the car?s making??

Eeeeeeppppppppppppaaaaaaa screetch??Kadunk.

?So??

?Change. Gears.?

?Hello? How??

?Put your foot on the clutch?and move the stick to second.?

?To what??

?Second. TWO.?

?It?s not moving??

?DOWN. You have to move it straight down.?

?Check?.Hey look! Twenty!!!?

?Yeah.?

?Okay?Now??

?Now?.Now what??

?Tuneskees??

?You are not listening to the radio going twenty miles an hour in a parking lot.?

?Ooh!!!! Mandy Moore!!!?

?Turn it off.?

?Ah! I don?t like these breaks!?

THUD.

?Okay, ow.?

?Blasted break system??

?You hit it too hard.?

?There?. wasabird.?

?That wasn?t a bird, that was a twig, and even if there is a bird, I just slammed my head into your window, and I?m about to get mad.?

?It WAS a bird, and your problem. Not mine.?

?Why did you buy this??

?So I could look sexy while driving down the?AHHHHHHH!!!! Tree!!!!?

Kudunka dunka dunka dunk.

???.?

???..?

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK.

?Get your head off the horn and drive.?

?No. I?m done. You take the car. Here. Happy birthday. I?m gonna get that Hummer I saw?I?ll be pimp-tight in that.?

?Fine. Move.?

?You?re much better than I am.?

?It would be very hard not to be.?

?Hardee har har.?

Zoom?.Zoooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm??

?Do you like it??

?No I don?t.?

?What? Why? You drive it so well!?

?My hands.?

?What about them??

?I don?t like having both hands busy with the car.?

????.You?ve lost me.?

?I?d rather be preoccupied with whomever?s in the adjacent seat.?

??.Ooooohhhhh?..?

?Hn.?

?This was fun. I think I?ll try it again one day.?

?I hear Duo?s a great teacher.?

?Yeah right. You just want me to kill him.?

??..No comment.?

?Tuneskees??

?No.?

Click.

?I wanna be with you! If only for a night!!! To be the one who?s in your arms to hold you tight!!!!!?

?????

Huduh wunuh wooo?..

?Why?d you turn it off??

?To shut you off, too.?

?Oh?Heero??

?Shh?.No one?s watching??

?You PLANNED this!?

??..No comment.?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Okay, so my brother taught me to drive a stickshift and I TOTALLY identify. I eventually starting riding the clutch and decided stickshifts weren't for me. Besides, I like to eat while i drive sometimes. Hee hee. great story. I love straight dialogue for humor fics!

Oooooo, u gotta LoVe stickshift. :-? Mandy Moore suits Relena, just visualize her singing: "Only Hope." Perfect fit if I do say so myself! This ficcy made my stomach hurt from laughter. A toast, to the manic world of driving!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's why I'm so glad I will be learning automatic... nicely done!

Ah, the hilarity!! I loved the ultimatum at the beginning!

?I?ll never touch you again.?

????

?Yes, Mr. Yuy, that includes sex. Now get in.?

Well, that certainly got his attention...

I remember learning how to drive... Ah, the memories... Well, I certainly didn't have someone to distract me but it was still an interesting experience.

Great job!!!

Damn those clutches :x I can totally relate, though, even after I learned how to manuevour a car....... *shudders* Never driving with my dad on the passenger seat, ever!

Nice job!! And Hilariou, as always

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

'nuff said.

Morrighan wrote: Ah, the hilarity!! I loved the ultimatum at the beginning!

?I?ll never touch you again.?

????

?Yes, Mr. Yuy, that includes sex. Now get in.?

Well, that certainly got his attention...

I remember learning how to drive... Ah, the memories... Well, I certainly didn't have someone to distract me but it was still an interesting experience.

Great job!!!

That always seems to be her trump card for getting Heero to do anything.
Well I learned to drive a stick before I drove an automatic so it is not a problem for me. :razz:
Excuse me while I duck. *ducks as varoius pointed objects and rotten friuts zing overhead*
This was perfect. I'm saveing this one for the next time I get home after some idiot driver does something monumentally stupid right in front of me.