Vignette 2
Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2003 2:37 am
Still trying to rise above my banal descriptions and massive repetition problem. Meh. This may or may not be considered linked to the first bit, I?m not writing it to follow that in particular. Still just making scenes?
* * *
Heero paced about his apartment. There was nothing for him to do here. Often he didn?t sleep much at night because he didn?t need it. It had been suggested to him once that he try to go out and have some fun. Fun was elusive for him. There was no time for fun when you are an assassin. Now that he was no longer an assassin in name did not make him any different in his thought patterns. But he had accepted it for so long it didn?t occur to him to think that this was a bad way to be. Outside forces always sought to mold him. He had always taken orders, and completed missions with grim single mindedness and ruthless efficiency. The cycle of his life had been such. There was no room to be selfish in a world like that, it was burned out of you by the demands of others.
That?s a lie. His mind yelled at him. You are extremely selfish. . . just think of Re-
?NO!? He yelled it out and the close walls of his small apartment absorbed it. He had wanted a small apartment because it was easier to fortify. Plus there was no need. He barely spent any time there. All that lay out were some gun parts and computer equipment, otherwise it looked just the same as the day he moved in.
You?re skirting the issue. The damn voice in his head taunted him. She is your weakness. She is the mission you didn?t complete because you didn?t want to. She embodies everything you desire. . .
?Shut up.? He whispered it to himself. It was crazy to think this way. He had been a good soldier during the war and killing or not killing Relena had been a strategic decision on his part. In the long run it had paid off. All the more to trust his emotions, as he always claimed he did.
Trust your emotions, bah. You don?t even know what they are. Especially when it comes to her. This was pointless. Yet, his awake time always sent him back to this topic. It is what kept him up at night, what drove him mad when his hormones acted up. The first time he had dreamed about Relena she had been threatened by some unseen force and he couldn?t save her. He had doubled his surveillance of her the next week. After that he had dreamed about her running towards him, only to be shot before his eyes. He started personally guarding her exclusively after that. After that he had dreamed. . . no he wouldn?t think of that. Unbidden, stray images from that night floated in front of his mind?s eyes. . . Relena?s lips, Relena?s skin, Relena?s hair swirling around her body as she stripped off her. . . Told you you didn?t know what your emotions are. Heh.
?Fine.? He would admit it to himself. At this time, so late at night it was really early morning, he would tell the truth. He wanted Relena. He wanted her, heart and soul and body. To use and love and protect he would take up the sword again, so to speak, if only she would gift that to him. But all he could do was look. She was not his to take, or even to ask. As a figure on the world stage she needed strength, and how could his weakness ever feed her strength?
His phone rang. Picking it up, he made no gesture to say hello. He ran a hand through his messy hair impatiently. Grimacing, he noticed how greasy it was. He should take a shower after he finished this call. Anyone calling would know that he was there if he had picked it up in the first place, so the silence continued. A hesitant voice haltingly crackled over the ether. ?Heero?? It was Relena. Checking the glowing clock on the microwave in the small kitchenette he noted the time. 1:34am. Why would she call now? What had happened? Alarm settled in quickly, but he asked no questions. ?I, er, heard a noise and I?d prefer not to be alone. Please come over.? She sounded so small. Inside his chest his heart contracted painfully at the thought of her not being safe.
?I?ll be right over.? He hung up without waiting for her answer. Grabbing his guns, yet forgetting his coat, he slipped on some shoes and left his apartment. No shower tonight apparently.
Relena met him at the door of her fairly large house. Heero saw her wide eyes, rimmed with the tired smudges of one who hadn?t slept in a while. She tried to smile, and almost succeeded. When it came to Heero she never quite managed to fake her emotions as well as she could in front of others. He had often had that effect on people. No one could hide emotions better than he could, why should they pretend? Everything about her looked to be meticulously taken care of, as if she had been doing nothing but carefully presenting a perfect image. Something was very wrong.
?I?m so sorry Heero.? She looked like she was going to break. As if she would smash into a thousand pieces as he watched, like a mirror shattering. ?I lied to you about seeing something, but I had to have someone here.? Pulling him inside her dark house she pulled herself against him and began to cry. Not knowing what else to do, he wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. He felt as if there was something he was forgetting about today. Then it came to him all in a rush. This was the anniversary of her father?s death. It was only a few years ago, after all. No one would guess how it still haunted her. They were both so young. His hand clutched at her head, pushing her into his chest. The feeling of her hair flowing and tangling about his hand made him so aware of her just as her tears soaking through his shirt did. When the shaking of her body subsided, Relena pulled away and ran off. Heero stood in the doorway, confused as to what to do or say. He thought about just leaving.
When she returned, eyes red but no longer frantic, Relena offered Heero a clean shirt. ?I know it?s one of my dress shirts, but it?s large and it?s clean.? He looked down and realized that she actually thought he minded the wet feeling covering his chest. Ultimately he accepted the offered shirt because he thought it would make her feel better. Her smile made him sure he had made the right decision. ?You must think me terribly weak. . . and I don?t blame you. I am weak sometimes. Promise you won?t tell?? Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she forced the smile. With a gasp, she found herself embraced by Heero.
?Never say you?re weak. You?re just human.? He didn?t know if the words were for him or for her, but it was what he felt was true in that moment and he needed to say it. After a moment, he realized he was still holding her. Even in the state she was in, he couldn?t help but think of her proximity. How pliant she was, so soft in places he wasn?t. Suddenly he found himself all too aware of her breasts pressed against him. He swallowed hard, and dropped his arms from around her as if she had live current running through her.
?I?m sorry.? He began to walk towards the door, but jerked after taking a step. She had grabbed his shirt from behind. Without a word she began to walk somewhere, Heero in tow. They walked through the house in this manner: Relena striding forward purposefully, Heero walking backwards with a bemused expression. They passed through shadowed rooms that cast terrible image on walls and only slowly revealed the knowledge to Heero that Relena probably spent just as much time alone in her house as he did in his apartment. They only stopped when they reached the one room that had a light on. It was a small lamp on her bedside table. A book lay open near it. A glass of water made strange forms swirl on its pages. Relena closed the curtains to her windows. When she turned back to Heero, she had the same look on her face that she wore when doing her toughest negotiating.
?Never, ever, be sorry Heero.? She stripped off his over shirt, his belt, and after some effort of getting him to lift his feet she also got his shoes. ?Now get into that bed right now.? Bemused, he did as she said; he placed his gun on her open book like some strange sort of bookmark as he climbed beneath the covers. She disappeared a moment and then returned clad in her nightgown. She got into bed next to him as he pulled out a bear from beneath him. It was familiar somehow. Relena blushed. Then he remembered the bear. A sly smile spread across his face.
?So I?m to replace the bear tonight?? She nodded. She wrapped her arms around him as they both tried to get comfortable. He forced away all the clamoring of his frustrated body so that he could concentrate on just being present for Relena, which is what he assumed she wanted. Eventually her breathing became even and it softly blew stray strands of her hair onto his cheek. So vulnerable.
He wished he could fall asleep beside her every night, but somehow he felt that only tonight was special. He would allow himself this, and then he had to get control of himself again. They both had too much to accomplish before either could indulge in something so decadent as a personal relationship. Maybe you?re wrong. You?re always selfish when it comes to her. You know you won?t be able to stick to that if she has any more episodes like this. You?ll never last against your emotions. He pushed the annoying voice in his mind aside. He would win, and when it was the right time, then he would no longer be constrained. ?I love you Relena.? Heero whispered into her hair.
As he stirred a little to get comfortable, her arms wound around him all the tighter and her leg brushed over his. . . . only to move back and forth over him a bit before pulling her closer to him. Blushing, Heero hoped to everything holy that she wouldn?t wake up right then because he sure would not be able to explain. Heero prayed for sleep to come swiftly.
* * *
GD OOCness! :x How I hate it! I need to make Heero meaner. Maybe my next one will be evil and slightly less innocent. What do you peeps think? Maybe something before Endless Waltz, but after the war... there's an idea....
* * *
Heero paced about his apartment. There was nothing for him to do here. Often he didn?t sleep much at night because he didn?t need it. It had been suggested to him once that he try to go out and have some fun. Fun was elusive for him. There was no time for fun when you are an assassin. Now that he was no longer an assassin in name did not make him any different in his thought patterns. But he had accepted it for so long it didn?t occur to him to think that this was a bad way to be. Outside forces always sought to mold him. He had always taken orders, and completed missions with grim single mindedness and ruthless efficiency. The cycle of his life had been such. There was no room to be selfish in a world like that, it was burned out of you by the demands of others.
That?s a lie. His mind yelled at him. You are extremely selfish. . . just think of Re-
?NO!? He yelled it out and the close walls of his small apartment absorbed it. He had wanted a small apartment because it was easier to fortify. Plus there was no need. He barely spent any time there. All that lay out were some gun parts and computer equipment, otherwise it looked just the same as the day he moved in.
You?re skirting the issue. The damn voice in his head taunted him. She is your weakness. She is the mission you didn?t complete because you didn?t want to. She embodies everything you desire. . .
?Shut up.? He whispered it to himself. It was crazy to think this way. He had been a good soldier during the war and killing or not killing Relena had been a strategic decision on his part. In the long run it had paid off. All the more to trust his emotions, as he always claimed he did.
Trust your emotions, bah. You don?t even know what they are. Especially when it comes to her. This was pointless. Yet, his awake time always sent him back to this topic. It is what kept him up at night, what drove him mad when his hormones acted up. The first time he had dreamed about Relena she had been threatened by some unseen force and he couldn?t save her. He had doubled his surveillance of her the next week. After that he had dreamed about her running towards him, only to be shot before his eyes. He started personally guarding her exclusively after that. After that he had dreamed. . . no he wouldn?t think of that. Unbidden, stray images from that night floated in front of his mind?s eyes. . . Relena?s lips, Relena?s skin, Relena?s hair swirling around her body as she stripped off her. . . Told you you didn?t know what your emotions are. Heh.
?Fine.? He would admit it to himself. At this time, so late at night it was really early morning, he would tell the truth. He wanted Relena. He wanted her, heart and soul and body. To use and love and protect he would take up the sword again, so to speak, if only she would gift that to him. But all he could do was look. She was not his to take, or even to ask. As a figure on the world stage she needed strength, and how could his weakness ever feed her strength?
His phone rang. Picking it up, he made no gesture to say hello. He ran a hand through his messy hair impatiently. Grimacing, he noticed how greasy it was. He should take a shower after he finished this call. Anyone calling would know that he was there if he had picked it up in the first place, so the silence continued. A hesitant voice haltingly crackled over the ether. ?Heero?? It was Relena. Checking the glowing clock on the microwave in the small kitchenette he noted the time. 1:34am. Why would she call now? What had happened? Alarm settled in quickly, but he asked no questions. ?I, er, heard a noise and I?d prefer not to be alone. Please come over.? She sounded so small. Inside his chest his heart contracted painfully at the thought of her not being safe.
?I?ll be right over.? He hung up without waiting for her answer. Grabbing his guns, yet forgetting his coat, he slipped on some shoes and left his apartment. No shower tonight apparently.
Relena met him at the door of her fairly large house. Heero saw her wide eyes, rimmed with the tired smudges of one who hadn?t slept in a while. She tried to smile, and almost succeeded. When it came to Heero she never quite managed to fake her emotions as well as she could in front of others. He had often had that effect on people. No one could hide emotions better than he could, why should they pretend? Everything about her looked to be meticulously taken care of, as if she had been doing nothing but carefully presenting a perfect image. Something was very wrong.
?I?m so sorry Heero.? She looked like she was going to break. As if she would smash into a thousand pieces as he watched, like a mirror shattering. ?I lied to you about seeing something, but I had to have someone here.? Pulling him inside her dark house she pulled herself against him and began to cry. Not knowing what else to do, he wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. He felt as if there was something he was forgetting about today. Then it came to him all in a rush. This was the anniversary of her father?s death. It was only a few years ago, after all. No one would guess how it still haunted her. They were both so young. His hand clutched at her head, pushing her into his chest. The feeling of her hair flowing and tangling about his hand made him so aware of her just as her tears soaking through his shirt did. When the shaking of her body subsided, Relena pulled away and ran off. Heero stood in the doorway, confused as to what to do or say. He thought about just leaving.
When she returned, eyes red but no longer frantic, Relena offered Heero a clean shirt. ?I know it?s one of my dress shirts, but it?s large and it?s clean.? He looked down and realized that she actually thought he minded the wet feeling covering his chest. Ultimately he accepted the offered shirt because he thought it would make her feel better. Her smile made him sure he had made the right decision. ?You must think me terribly weak. . . and I don?t blame you. I am weak sometimes. Promise you won?t tell?? Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she forced the smile. With a gasp, she found herself embraced by Heero.
?Never say you?re weak. You?re just human.? He didn?t know if the words were for him or for her, but it was what he felt was true in that moment and he needed to say it. After a moment, he realized he was still holding her. Even in the state she was in, he couldn?t help but think of her proximity. How pliant she was, so soft in places he wasn?t. Suddenly he found himself all too aware of her breasts pressed against him. He swallowed hard, and dropped his arms from around her as if she had live current running through her.
?I?m sorry.? He began to walk towards the door, but jerked after taking a step. She had grabbed his shirt from behind. Without a word she began to walk somewhere, Heero in tow. They walked through the house in this manner: Relena striding forward purposefully, Heero walking backwards with a bemused expression. They passed through shadowed rooms that cast terrible image on walls and only slowly revealed the knowledge to Heero that Relena probably spent just as much time alone in her house as he did in his apartment. They only stopped when they reached the one room that had a light on. It was a small lamp on her bedside table. A book lay open near it. A glass of water made strange forms swirl on its pages. Relena closed the curtains to her windows. When she turned back to Heero, she had the same look on her face that she wore when doing her toughest negotiating.
?Never, ever, be sorry Heero.? She stripped off his over shirt, his belt, and after some effort of getting him to lift his feet she also got his shoes. ?Now get into that bed right now.? Bemused, he did as she said; he placed his gun on her open book like some strange sort of bookmark as he climbed beneath the covers. She disappeared a moment and then returned clad in her nightgown. She got into bed next to him as he pulled out a bear from beneath him. It was familiar somehow. Relena blushed. Then he remembered the bear. A sly smile spread across his face.
?So I?m to replace the bear tonight?? She nodded. She wrapped her arms around him as they both tried to get comfortable. He forced away all the clamoring of his frustrated body so that he could concentrate on just being present for Relena, which is what he assumed she wanted. Eventually her breathing became even and it softly blew stray strands of her hair onto his cheek. So vulnerable.
He wished he could fall asleep beside her every night, but somehow he felt that only tonight was special. He would allow himself this, and then he had to get control of himself again. They both had too much to accomplish before either could indulge in something so decadent as a personal relationship. Maybe you?re wrong. You?re always selfish when it comes to her. You know you won?t be able to stick to that if she has any more episodes like this. You?ll never last against your emotions. He pushed the annoying voice in his mind aside. He would win, and when it was the right time, then he would no longer be constrained. ?I love you Relena.? Heero whispered into her hair.
As he stirred a little to get comfortable, her arms wound around him all the tighter and her leg brushed over his. . . . only to move back and forth over him a bit before pulling her closer to him. Blushing, Heero hoped to everything holy that she wouldn?t wake up right then because he sure would not be able to explain. Heero prayed for sleep to come swiftly.
* * *
GD OOCness! :x How I hate it! I need to make Heero meaner. Maybe my next one will be evil and slightly less innocent. What do you peeps think? Maybe something before Endless Waltz, but after the war... there's an idea....
