Duo Tells What He Knows... A column
Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2003 3:48 pm
Okay, guys, it's time for me to stop being shy! I'm listening to Kare Kano music now and I want to do something! Yeah! 
...Or not...
Anyway, this was on ff.net for awhile... I've just been hesitating to post it here. So... here it is, my first humor fic from awhile back. Warning: pointless silliness ahead. No plot whatsoever.
"Duo Tells What He Knows", a column written by Duo Maxwell and edited by Heero Yuy.
DUO THE SMART GUY!
You have questions, and Duo sort of has the answers! And if he doesn't, Heero punches him! These are the 5 most frequently asked questions that Duo gets in his inbox.
Question #1:
What continent in the Cinq Kingdom located on, and in which area?
Duo's answer:
That's a good question; actually it's in the southern portion of Europe. It sits below the country of France. Any objections, Heero?
Heero's remarks:
No, actually that was quite accurate, Maxwell. You might not do so bad after all.
Question #2:
What caused Col. Une's split personalities to form?
Duo's answer:
Well, if you ask me, Une was a total psycho in the first place when she tried to fire on the colonies. But she has this thing for Treize and she thought he wanted her to kill people and be tough. But then she found out that he really just wanted her to "be graceful" so she switched and tried to work to pacify the colonies. In the end, though, she just ended up stuck in the middle, which probably isn't a bad thing.
Heero's remarks:
Yeah, that's pretty much the sum of it. I'm impressed, that's two in a row.
Question #3:
Is Quatre... you know...?
Duo's answer:
I don't understand the question...
Heero's remarks:
The question was is Quatre gay. *punch* No, Quatre isn't a homosexual, he's... well, you know the guy at a party that's nice enough but doesn't get any of the jokes? That's Quatre. He's an incredibly intelligent strategist, but sometimes lacks common sense.
Duo's remarks:
Oh... now I get it!
Heero's remarks:
Yeah, yeah...
Question #4:
What is the nature of Hilde and your relationship?
Duo's answer:
Um... I plead the 5th...
Heero's remarks:
The 5th amendment of the constitution of the United States of America is no longer in use since ESUN was formed, idiot. *punch* You now would plead the 21st. As for you and Hilde, what kind of question is that? Why is it in this column?
Question #5:
Okay, then, what is the nature of Heero and Relena's relationship?
Duo's answer:
Heh heh, now this is a good question! The truth is, nobody really knows what's going on in Heero's head, so how is it that we determine what his thought's are? Well, mostly by his incoherent actions. You know, when he does stuff he doesn't realized he's doing until he's already done it. Like when he saved her from the school falling on her head or acted as a human shield with the random bits of Libra debris were crashing on the ship or-
Heero's remarks:
*ahem* That's enough, Duo.
Duo's question:
I'm going to get punched, aren't I?
Heero's answer:
*punch**punch**punch* Does that answer your question, Smart Guy?
~END
Okay, I told you guys that this was pointless. But hey, you never know what'll interest some people... *gulps as she presses the Submit key*
Here goes... (gosh this fic is useless, I shouldn't do this...)
*click*
Too late...
...Or not...Anyway, this was on ff.net for awhile... I've just been hesitating to post it here. So... here it is, my first humor fic from awhile back. Warning: pointless silliness ahead. No plot whatsoever.
"Duo Tells What He Knows", a column written by Duo Maxwell and edited by Heero Yuy.
DUO THE SMART GUY!
You have questions, and Duo sort of has the answers! And if he doesn't, Heero punches him! These are the 5 most frequently asked questions that Duo gets in his inbox.
Question #1:
What continent in the Cinq Kingdom located on, and in which area?
Duo's answer:
That's a good question; actually it's in the southern portion of Europe. It sits below the country of France. Any objections, Heero?
Heero's remarks:
No, actually that was quite accurate, Maxwell. You might not do so bad after all.
Question #2:
What caused Col. Une's split personalities to form?
Duo's answer:
Well, if you ask me, Une was a total psycho in the first place when she tried to fire on the colonies. But she has this thing for Treize and she thought he wanted her to kill people and be tough. But then she found out that he really just wanted her to "be graceful" so she switched and tried to work to pacify the colonies. In the end, though, she just ended up stuck in the middle, which probably isn't a bad thing.
Heero's remarks:
Yeah, that's pretty much the sum of it. I'm impressed, that's two in a row.
Question #3:
Is Quatre... you know...?
Duo's answer:
I don't understand the question...
Heero's remarks:
The question was is Quatre gay. *punch* No, Quatre isn't a homosexual, he's... well, you know the guy at a party that's nice enough but doesn't get any of the jokes? That's Quatre. He's an incredibly intelligent strategist, but sometimes lacks common sense.
Duo's remarks:
Oh... now I get it!
Heero's remarks:
Yeah, yeah...
Question #4:
What is the nature of Hilde and your relationship?
Duo's answer:
Um... I plead the 5th...
Heero's remarks:
The 5th amendment of the constitution of the United States of America is no longer in use since ESUN was formed, idiot. *punch* You now would plead the 21st. As for you and Hilde, what kind of question is that? Why is it in this column?
Question #5:
Okay, then, what is the nature of Heero and Relena's relationship?
Duo's answer:
Heh heh, now this is a good question! The truth is, nobody really knows what's going on in Heero's head, so how is it that we determine what his thought's are? Well, mostly by his incoherent actions. You know, when he does stuff he doesn't realized he's doing until he's already done it. Like when he saved her from the school falling on her head or acted as a human shield with the random bits of Libra debris were crashing on the ship or-
Heero's remarks:
*ahem* That's enough, Duo.
Duo's question:
I'm going to get punched, aren't I?
Heero's answer:
*punch**punch**punch* Does that answer your question, Smart Guy?
~END
Okay, I told you guys that this was pointless. But hey, you never know what'll interest some people... *gulps as she presses the Submit key*
Here goes... (gosh this fic is useless, I shouldn't do this...)
*click*
Too late...
