BLACK AND WHITE chapter 2
Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2003 5:15 pm
Well, here's the second part which is all I have written so far of it. I'll post up the next chapter whenever I finally write it out...which might not be for a while. My muse is cranky and pushes me around a lot so I can never dictate to it, it's the other way around. (^^;;)
Belinda
====================================================
BLACK AND WHITE
PG-13
Chapter 2: Confessions of the Soul
"Isuzu-san!? Hatsuharu-san and Isuzu-san are going out?!"
The sudden and loud exclamation had Hatsuharu lifting his head to find Tohru staring at him in absolute shock, eyes wide and mouth parted in a little 'o' of surprise. He was a bit astonished himself to realize that she didn't know until he remembered that it would be highly unusual if she had. After all, he and Rin had decided early on to keep their relationship hidden from everyone the best they could so that Akito would be less likely to find out and try to put a stop to it in his usual unpleasant way. The only person Hatsuharu had told was Yuki and that was only when he and Rin had broken up the first time and he had needed to tell at least one person what had happened. Of course Yuki would never reveal a secret told in confidentiality to anyone else, so the reason for Tohru's shock over the news was clear. And it was just as obvious that Hatsuharu would have to go back to the very beginning to explain things.
"Were." He blew out a breath and gave her a tiny lopsided smile. "Past tense."
"Ah!" Tohru's eyes widened in horror, thinking she'd made him feel worse with her terrible choice in words. She bowed rapidly in apology. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"
"No, it's okay," he said calmly to the bowing girl who was looking up at him uncertainly. "Really. It's not your fault you didn't know, so being that surprised is only natural. It's probably a good thing because it means we were successful at keeping it a secret. For the most part."
"It's supposed to be a secret?!" Tohru looked distressed. "If no one's supposed to know, then perhaps I shouldn't be told anymore either."
"It probably doesn't matter so much since we're not together anymore." He gave her a bland look. "And you did promise not to tell anyone if I didn't want you to, didn't you?"
"Of course," she said quickly, nodding her head vigorously. "It's not my secret to tell and Mother always said that the lowest of the low are those that go around blabbing about other people's secrets." She fisted her hands, the appearance of staunch sternness and determination. "So Hatsuharu-san doesn't have to worry! I'll do whatever I can to prove that I can keep this a secret. I'll even write it in blood or tattoo it on my body if I have to, just like Mother used to do. Yes, that's right! Whatever I have to do!"
Blood? Tattoo? Hatsuharu looked at her blankly, wondering what kind of mother it was that she'd had. Part of him was afraid to ask, so he didn't. Instead, sensing the conversation was about to derail again, he drew it back on course.
"That's alright," he told her. "Your word is enough." Besides, Yuki and Kyou would never forgive him if he made her do something like that and would, undoubtedly, try to kill him. Though, picturing their faces if something like that were to actually happen was amusing. But he cleared his throat, serious expression on his face. "I do, however, feel like I should apologize to you again. It seems you're the one who's always getting hurt because of my problems."
"Eh?" Tohru was quite clearly confused.
"Remember a while back when I went into Black mode and wrecked the classroom?" His mouth turned down. "Lucky Kyou was there to stop me before I hurt you anymore than I had."
"Ah." Tohru clearly recalled that day when she had tried to step in somehow and Hatsuharu had grabbed her by her upper arm just before Kyou had knocked him away. Apparently, the matter was still bothering him and she hastened to reassure him. "I was fine. Really. I wasn't hurt at all."
"But you could have been," Hatsuharu pointed out, regret weaving through him. "I was out of control then and anything that might have happened to you would have been my fault. As it was, I bruised your arm and must have scared you." He bowed his head. "I'm sorry."
"Oh, no!" She waved her hands frantically at his action. "Don't apologize, please! There's nothing to be sorry over. Really!" She shook her head. "And I wasn't scared, so don't concern yourself on my account." Her head tilted thoughtfully. "Actually, I was more worried about Hatsuharu-san back then than anyone else."
A corner of his lips tugged upwards. "How very like Honda-san," he said absently, almost to himself. But then his faint smile died. "Even so, I shouldn't have involved anyone else in my problems." He shook his head in remembered frustration. "I was just so angry and upset when we broke up, I lost control. And I shouldn't have."
"Broke up?" Tohru was puzzled again. "Back then?"
"Yeah." Hatsuharu gave a slow nod. "That was the first time. This is the second."
"I see," she said, eyes wide, though she obviously still confused.
Hatsuharu smiled half-heartedly at her. "I can explain if you want to hear it."
Tohru's expression was soft as she nodded. "I said so already that, if Hatsuharu-san doesn't mind, I'd like to listen."
Hatsuharu sighed, tilting his head back to lean against the tree. "Rin and I, we grew up together. It's hard to remember a time when she wasn't there. I think I've always loved her and I thought that she felt the same." His eyes grew distant, remembering. "It seemed natural for the two of us to start going out together and I'm positive the both of us were happy back then. But then Akito found out." His countenance hardened. "And Rin was hospitalized."
Tohru gasped, the sound drawing his attention.
"Don't look so worried," he told her, voice calm and certain. "It was a while ago and she's better now. Full recovery." His expression grew distant again. "But it was right after she was hospitalized that she broke up with me. It was painful." His lips twisted, recalling how he'd felt. "And it was the reason for my classroom rampage that ended up getting you hurt."
Tohru was shaking her head. "I said I wasn't hurt. A little bruise is nothing." She looked at him earnestly, wide-eyed in her determination to make Hatsuharu see, once and for all, that he shouldn't concern himself this much over such a small incident. "I get injured much worse on my own. Sometimes so badly that even Hatori-san has to be called. Like the time I ran into the wall of the stairwell and fell down the steps and Hatori-san came over when Shigure-san called him because I twisted my ankle." She nodded solemnly. "So it's very obvious that Hatsuharu-san didn't do anything as bad as what I do by myself."
"Ah, well." He swallowed, repressing the urge to clear his throat once more. He didn't want her to think that he was getting sick again. "I see," was all he said, a faint smile returning to his lips. Then he frowned, wanting to get back to his explanation only to realize that he'd lost the thread of the conversation again. "Anyway, where was I?"
"Classroom rampage," Tohru offered helpfully.
"Ah, that's right." He blinked. "Well, after that, I did some thinking about why she broke up with me. She told me it was because she didn't want me anymore but, after I had time to calm down, I remembered that she has a habit of saying hurtful things. Especially when she thinks that it's for someone's own good."
Tohru cocked her head to the side. "Then Isuzu-san was trying to protect Hatsuharu-san?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "That's the conclusion I eventually came to. I confronted her about it and we argued." He sighed. "Rin's not really the type to admit her nicer intentions easily. But I've known her a long time and I figured out after thinking so much about it that she broke up with me when she was hospitalized because she was hoping to prevent something similar from happening to me. So she tried to push me away, doing what she thought was best, even though it must have been painful to her."
"Isuzu-san's really a wonderful person then," Tohru commented softly.
"Yeah," he agreed, "she is." Then he closed his eyes. "And I didn't want to lose her. So, despite her protests, I was persistent and kept pursuing her no matter what arguments she brought up. I thought that part of the reason we'd broken up in the first place was because I was so lax in our relationship before so I was determined to do things differently this time, to show her that it wasn't something I'd walk away so easily from. And I kept after her until she gave in. We got back together and," he smiled sadly, "for a while, we were happy again. Or so I thought."
When silence descended fell between them again, as Hatsuharu seemed to settle back into a morose and brooding mood, Tohru shifted nervously as she gazed at his closed profile. The subject was obviously painful to him and she didn't want to press him about the details if he wasn't ready to reveal them. But, just as she was about to reassure him that he needn't continue on, he spoke up.
"She fell in love with someone else."
"Eh?!" Her eyes widened in shock.
Hatsuharu gave a slow nod. "After we broke up the first time, she started spending time with someone else. Because he's older and wiser, supposedly, he would be the one to know if there was any way for us to be together. But while she was searching for that way, she got closer to him." His lips turned down. "She told me that she hadn't meant to fall in love with him, but that it just happened. That, when I went chasing after with my new resolution, her emotions became confused until she thought that it would be best to try and get our relationship back the way it used to be." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "Obviously, it didn't work out like she thought it would." His fists clenched angrily. "But she put up with trying to make a go of our relationship for as long as she could, keeping her meetings with him a secret until she just couldn't take it anymore." He nearly snarled. "Then she told me everything and broke up with me. Again." Rage boiled in him. "And now she's with him!"
Anger bubbled up inside him, a volatile and painful thing craving a release and he might have turned to aim a bone-crushing punch at the tree he was leaning against if he hadn't been so suddenly startled by the soft touch on his bare arm. The contact had his head whirling until he was caught in a gentle wide-eyed gaze of the girl whose presence he had forgotten as his explanation had degenerated into a tirade. Suddenly feeling ashamed, he looked away from her.
"Sorry," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to go off like that."
Amazingly she laughed, the pleasant sound wafting through the forest as he looked back at her in surprise. Her expression was gentle and, from the twinkling of her eyes, it was obvious that she wasn't as troubled by his outburst as he had supposed. More than likely, it was bothering him more than her.
"Ah, I'm sorry," she said, stifling her laughter. "It's rude of me to laugh when Hatsuharu-san is trying to apologize so seriously."
"No, I don't mind," he said with a slight shake of his head. "But can I ask why?" he questioned curiously.
"Because it's nothing much to apologize over." She smiled at him. "Kyou- kun and Yuki-kun are much, much worse." Then her eyes widened comically. "Oh! But please don't tell them I said that. I don't want to hurt their feelings."
Unexpectedly, a chuckle of his own escaped from his throat as he felt himself relax to a degree he hadn't thought possible given the situation. It really was amazing, he marveled, how he felt more comfortable now that he'd gotten that off of his chest and told someone else. He knew it didn't solve everything, felt the pain that was still weighing on his heart, but it was better than it had been before, even if only a little. Grateful for the bit of relief, he turned to her.
"Don't worry. I won't breathe a word of it to anyone." He gave her a warm smile. "Thank you. Thank you very much."
"Eh?" She blinked. "I didn't do anything."
"Yes," he nodded, "you did. You listened. And to me, that's a lot."
Tohru blushed. "It's nothing really. I'm sure Hatsuharu-san would have done the same."
Thinking of how Kyou and Yuki were still working up, in their roundabout way, to admitting their feelings to themselves and to her, Hatsuharu slid her a glance. "Well, I don't know how much help I'll be but, if you ever need to speak to anyone about your relationship problems, I can return the favor."
"Me?" she laughed in delight. "That's impossible. To have a relationship, there needs to be someone to have it with." She shook her head. "There's no one interested in me like that."
He stared. "You seriously think that?"
"Of course." Her expression turned quizzical at the way he was staring at her. "Why wouldn't I?"
He frowned. "Why do you think no one would be interested in you?"
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?"
"Maybe you could explain it to me," he said blandly. "That is, if it's not too much trouble."
"Of course not," she anxiously assured. But it was something she had to think about. She tapped her chin with a finger, wondering what to say. "Well, there are a lot of reasons, I think. I'm not very smart, for one thing. And I'm not very pretty either, not like most of the girls at school. Also, I'm very clumsy, terrible at sports, and always running into things, even when they're not moving. Then there's the way I tend to blow little problems out of proportion which probably bothers everyone but they're too nice to say anything about it." She sighed morosely. "The only things I'm good at are cleaning and cooking."
She stiffened and flushed suddenly, casting a glance in his direction to find him gazing at her intently with an expression she couldn't define. She squirmed uncomfortably when she realized that, while she'd kept talking, she'd forgotten he was there! She hadn't meant to say things like that, as if she were complaining. After the emotional turmoil he'd just been through, he didn't need her burdening him with her own problems.
"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, embarrassed. "I shouldn't have said those things."
"They were your true feelings, weren't they?" he asked mildly.
"Well," her fingers fiddled with the hem of her skirt, "yes."
"And do you think people should apologize when they tell the truth?"
Tohru shook her head silently.
"Then there's nothing you should apologize for, either."
She gave him an embarrassed and shy smile.
"But," he added, "you're wrong." His look was sure. "I'm positive that there are guys interested in you. I can think of two in particular."
"Who?" she asked, curious.
"Ah, well." Much as the odd love triangle needed a push, it wasn't his place to reveal who the participants of it were. "I can't say."
"Is that so?" Her expression turned doubtful. "Excuse me for saying so, but I really think Hatsuharu must be mistaken about this." She smiled. "But it was a wonderful thing to say."
"Hmmm."
Looking at her, it was patently obvious to him that she was going to be stubborn about clinging to her own views on this particular subject. He stayed silent on the matter because, truthfully, he wasn't sure how to tell her that she had her own brand of appeal to the opposite sex, though it would probably take a lot of effort since, given the right circumstances he was sure, she could give him a run for his money in the stubbornness department. Besides, no matter what he said, she probably wouldn't believe him anyway. He, of all people, was familiar with how difficult low self- esteem was to get over since he still wasn't quite there himself. Still, he thought it could be solved if one of them, either Yuki or Kyou, would make their move and wondered why it was taking them so long to figure things out. They were being terribly slow about this and he was the one who, born under the sign of the cow, was supposed to be the inept one. Of course, considering how miserably his attempts at a relationship had failed, he didn't think he was exactly the right person to be casting stones at how others tried to run theirs. It was probably best left alone for now.
But it was getting late and he knew that he'd monopolized her time enough. If she didn't get back to the house soon, she'd raise a lot of questions and that wasn't a something he wanted to put her through, not after how patiently she had listened to him when she had no reason to do so. It was best to send her on her way.
"It's getting late," he told her. "And you probably need time to make dinner so you'd better go."
"Yes," she said, noticing how the sky was starting to darken a little. "I should but," she looked at him, "what about Hatsuharu-san?"
"What about me?"
"Isn't Hatsuharu-san going to go home, too?"
"Ah." He blinked. "I will. Eventually."
Tohru frowned. "Why not come back the house with me? Have dinner with us?"
"That's probably not a good idea." He shook his head.
"Why?" Then, sure that he was worried about being an inconvenience, she rushed to assure him that, "I can just as easily make dinner for another person. It's no trouble, really."
"No." He frowned. "It's not a good idea for me to be around him right now."
"Who?" she asked, confused.
He blinked. "I told you already."
"Told me what?"
She had no idea what he was talking about but she was getting a bad feeling and started to nervously fiddle with the hem of her skirt again. As for Hatsuharu, he grimaced as he replayed their conversation in his mind and realized that, no, he hadn't told her. He shot her a glance, a bit wary, wondering how she'd take the news. Though he found it hard to believe himself, he thought it best to just get it over with and tell her.
"The one Rin's in love with," he said to her, "is Shigure-sensei."
Belinda
====================================================
BLACK AND WHITE
PG-13
Chapter 2: Confessions of the Soul
"Isuzu-san!? Hatsuharu-san and Isuzu-san are going out?!"
The sudden and loud exclamation had Hatsuharu lifting his head to find Tohru staring at him in absolute shock, eyes wide and mouth parted in a little 'o' of surprise. He was a bit astonished himself to realize that she didn't know until he remembered that it would be highly unusual if she had. After all, he and Rin had decided early on to keep their relationship hidden from everyone the best they could so that Akito would be less likely to find out and try to put a stop to it in his usual unpleasant way. The only person Hatsuharu had told was Yuki and that was only when he and Rin had broken up the first time and he had needed to tell at least one person what had happened. Of course Yuki would never reveal a secret told in confidentiality to anyone else, so the reason for Tohru's shock over the news was clear. And it was just as obvious that Hatsuharu would have to go back to the very beginning to explain things.
"Were." He blew out a breath and gave her a tiny lopsided smile. "Past tense."
"Ah!" Tohru's eyes widened in horror, thinking she'd made him feel worse with her terrible choice in words. She bowed rapidly in apology. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"
"No, it's okay," he said calmly to the bowing girl who was looking up at him uncertainly. "Really. It's not your fault you didn't know, so being that surprised is only natural. It's probably a good thing because it means we were successful at keeping it a secret. For the most part."
"It's supposed to be a secret?!" Tohru looked distressed. "If no one's supposed to know, then perhaps I shouldn't be told anymore either."
"It probably doesn't matter so much since we're not together anymore." He gave her a bland look. "And you did promise not to tell anyone if I didn't want you to, didn't you?"
"Of course," she said quickly, nodding her head vigorously. "It's not my secret to tell and Mother always said that the lowest of the low are those that go around blabbing about other people's secrets." She fisted her hands, the appearance of staunch sternness and determination. "So Hatsuharu-san doesn't have to worry! I'll do whatever I can to prove that I can keep this a secret. I'll even write it in blood or tattoo it on my body if I have to, just like Mother used to do. Yes, that's right! Whatever I have to do!"
Blood? Tattoo? Hatsuharu looked at her blankly, wondering what kind of mother it was that she'd had. Part of him was afraid to ask, so he didn't. Instead, sensing the conversation was about to derail again, he drew it back on course.
"That's alright," he told her. "Your word is enough." Besides, Yuki and Kyou would never forgive him if he made her do something like that and would, undoubtedly, try to kill him. Though, picturing their faces if something like that were to actually happen was amusing. But he cleared his throat, serious expression on his face. "I do, however, feel like I should apologize to you again. It seems you're the one who's always getting hurt because of my problems."
"Eh?" Tohru was quite clearly confused.
"Remember a while back when I went into Black mode and wrecked the classroom?" His mouth turned down. "Lucky Kyou was there to stop me before I hurt you anymore than I had."
"Ah." Tohru clearly recalled that day when she had tried to step in somehow and Hatsuharu had grabbed her by her upper arm just before Kyou had knocked him away. Apparently, the matter was still bothering him and she hastened to reassure him. "I was fine. Really. I wasn't hurt at all."
"But you could have been," Hatsuharu pointed out, regret weaving through him. "I was out of control then and anything that might have happened to you would have been my fault. As it was, I bruised your arm and must have scared you." He bowed his head. "I'm sorry."
"Oh, no!" She waved her hands frantically at his action. "Don't apologize, please! There's nothing to be sorry over. Really!" She shook her head. "And I wasn't scared, so don't concern yourself on my account." Her head tilted thoughtfully. "Actually, I was more worried about Hatsuharu-san back then than anyone else."
A corner of his lips tugged upwards. "How very like Honda-san," he said absently, almost to himself. But then his faint smile died. "Even so, I shouldn't have involved anyone else in my problems." He shook his head in remembered frustration. "I was just so angry and upset when we broke up, I lost control. And I shouldn't have."
"Broke up?" Tohru was puzzled again. "Back then?"
"Yeah." Hatsuharu gave a slow nod. "That was the first time. This is the second."
"I see," she said, eyes wide, though she obviously still confused.
Hatsuharu smiled half-heartedly at her. "I can explain if you want to hear it."
Tohru's expression was soft as she nodded. "I said so already that, if Hatsuharu-san doesn't mind, I'd like to listen."
Hatsuharu sighed, tilting his head back to lean against the tree. "Rin and I, we grew up together. It's hard to remember a time when she wasn't there. I think I've always loved her and I thought that she felt the same." His eyes grew distant, remembering. "It seemed natural for the two of us to start going out together and I'm positive the both of us were happy back then. But then Akito found out." His countenance hardened. "And Rin was hospitalized."
Tohru gasped, the sound drawing his attention.
"Don't look so worried," he told her, voice calm and certain. "It was a while ago and she's better now. Full recovery." His expression grew distant again. "But it was right after she was hospitalized that she broke up with me. It was painful." His lips twisted, recalling how he'd felt. "And it was the reason for my classroom rampage that ended up getting you hurt."
Tohru was shaking her head. "I said I wasn't hurt. A little bruise is nothing." She looked at him earnestly, wide-eyed in her determination to make Hatsuharu see, once and for all, that he shouldn't concern himself this much over such a small incident. "I get injured much worse on my own. Sometimes so badly that even Hatori-san has to be called. Like the time I ran into the wall of the stairwell and fell down the steps and Hatori-san came over when Shigure-san called him because I twisted my ankle." She nodded solemnly. "So it's very obvious that Hatsuharu-san didn't do anything as bad as what I do by myself."
"Ah, well." He swallowed, repressing the urge to clear his throat once more. He didn't want her to think that he was getting sick again. "I see," was all he said, a faint smile returning to his lips. Then he frowned, wanting to get back to his explanation only to realize that he'd lost the thread of the conversation again. "Anyway, where was I?"
"Classroom rampage," Tohru offered helpfully.
"Ah, that's right." He blinked. "Well, after that, I did some thinking about why she broke up with me. She told me it was because she didn't want me anymore but, after I had time to calm down, I remembered that she has a habit of saying hurtful things. Especially when she thinks that it's for someone's own good."
Tohru cocked her head to the side. "Then Isuzu-san was trying to protect Hatsuharu-san?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "That's the conclusion I eventually came to. I confronted her about it and we argued." He sighed. "Rin's not really the type to admit her nicer intentions easily. But I've known her a long time and I figured out after thinking so much about it that she broke up with me when she was hospitalized because she was hoping to prevent something similar from happening to me. So she tried to push me away, doing what she thought was best, even though it must have been painful to her."
"Isuzu-san's really a wonderful person then," Tohru commented softly.
"Yeah," he agreed, "she is." Then he closed his eyes. "And I didn't want to lose her. So, despite her protests, I was persistent and kept pursuing her no matter what arguments she brought up. I thought that part of the reason we'd broken up in the first place was because I was so lax in our relationship before so I was determined to do things differently this time, to show her that it wasn't something I'd walk away so easily from. And I kept after her until she gave in. We got back together and," he smiled sadly, "for a while, we were happy again. Or so I thought."
When silence descended fell between them again, as Hatsuharu seemed to settle back into a morose and brooding mood, Tohru shifted nervously as she gazed at his closed profile. The subject was obviously painful to him and she didn't want to press him about the details if he wasn't ready to reveal them. But, just as she was about to reassure him that he needn't continue on, he spoke up.
"She fell in love with someone else."
"Eh?!" Her eyes widened in shock.
Hatsuharu gave a slow nod. "After we broke up the first time, she started spending time with someone else. Because he's older and wiser, supposedly, he would be the one to know if there was any way for us to be together. But while she was searching for that way, she got closer to him." His lips turned down. "She told me that she hadn't meant to fall in love with him, but that it just happened. That, when I went chasing after with my new resolution, her emotions became confused until she thought that it would be best to try and get our relationship back the way it used to be." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "Obviously, it didn't work out like she thought it would." His fists clenched angrily. "But she put up with trying to make a go of our relationship for as long as she could, keeping her meetings with him a secret until she just couldn't take it anymore." He nearly snarled. "Then she told me everything and broke up with me. Again." Rage boiled in him. "And now she's with him!"
Anger bubbled up inside him, a volatile and painful thing craving a release and he might have turned to aim a bone-crushing punch at the tree he was leaning against if he hadn't been so suddenly startled by the soft touch on his bare arm. The contact had his head whirling until he was caught in a gentle wide-eyed gaze of the girl whose presence he had forgotten as his explanation had degenerated into a tirade. Suddenly feeling ashamed, he looked away from her.
"Sorry," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to go off like that."
Amazingly she laughed, the pleasant sound wafting through the forest as he looked back at her in surprise. Her expression was gentle and, from the twinkling of her eyes, it was obvious that she wasn't as troubled by his outburst as he had supposed. More than likely, it was bothering him more than her.
"Ah, I'm sorry," she said, stifling her laughter. "It's rude of me to laugh when Hatsuharu-san is trying to apologize so seriously."
"No, I don't mind," he said with a slight shake of his head. "But can I ask why?" he questioned curiously.
"Because it's nothing much to apologize over." She smiled at him. "Kyou- kun and Yuki-kun are much, much worse." Then her eyes widened comically. "Oh! But please don't tell them I said that. I don't want to hurt their feelings."
Unexpectedly, a chuckle of his own escaped from his throat as he felt himself relax to a degree he hadn't thought possible given the situation. It really was amazing, he marveled, how he felt more comfortable now that he'd gotten that off of his chest and told someone else. He knew it didn't solve everything, felt the pain that was still weighing on his heart, but it was better than it had been before, even if only a little. Grateful for the bit of relief, he turned to her.
"Don't worry. I won't breathe a word of it to anyone." He gave her a warm smile. "Thank you. Thank you very much."
"Eh?" She blinked. "I didn't do anything."
"Yes," he nodded, "you did. You listened. And to me, that's a lot."
Tohru blushed. "It's nothing really. I'm sure Hatsuharu-san would have done the same."
Thinking of how Kyou and Yuki were still working up, in their roundabout way, to admitting their feelings to themselves and to her, Hatsuharu slid her a glance. "Well, I don't know how much help I'll be but, if you ever need to speak to anyone about your relationship problems, I can return the favor."
"Me?" she laughed in delight. "That's impossible. To have a relationship, there needs to be someone to have it with." She shook her head. "There's no one interested in me like that."
He stared. "You seriously think that?"
"Of course." Her expression turned quizzical at the way he was staring at her. "Why wouldn't I?"
He frowned. "Why do you think no one would be interested in you?"
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?"
"Maybe you could explain it to me," he said blandly. "That is, if it's not too much trouble."
"Of course not," she anxiously assured. But it was something she had to think about. She tapped her chin with a finger, wondering what to say. "Well, there are a lot of reasons, I think. I'm not very smart, for one thing. And I'm not very pretty either, not like most of the girls at school. Also, I'm very clumsy, terrible at sports, and always running into things, even when they're not moving. Then there's the way I tend to blow little problems out of proportion which probably bothers everyone but they're too nice to say anything about it." She sighed morosely. "The only things I'm good at are cleaning and cooking."
She stiffened and flushed suddenly, casting a glance in his direction to find him gazing at her intently with an expression she couldn't define. She squirmed uncomfortably when she realized that, while she'd kept talking, she'd forgotten he was there! She hadn't meant to say things like that, as if she were complaining. After the emotional turmoil he'd just been through, he didn't need her burdening him with her own problems.
"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, embarrassed. "I shouldn't have said those things."
"They were your true feelings, weren't they?" he asked mildly.
"Well," her fingers fiddled with the hem of her skirt, "yes."
"And do you think people should apologize when they tell the truth?"
Tohru shook her head silently.
"Then there's nothing you should apologize for, either."
She gave him an embarrassed and shy smile.
"But," he added, "you're wrong." His look was sure. "I'm positive that there are guys interested in you. I can think of two in particular."
"Who?" she asked, curious.
"Ah, well." Much as the odd love triangle needed a push, it wasn't his place to reveal who the participants of it were. "I can't say."
"Is that so?" Her expression turned doubtful. "Excuse me for saying so, but I really think Hatsuharu must be mistaken about this." She smiled. "But it was a wonderful thing to say."
"Hmmm."
Looking at her, it was patently obvious to him that she was going to be stubborn about clinging to her own views on this particular subject. He stayed silent on the matter because, truthfully, he wasn't sure how to tell her that she had her own brand of appeal to the opposite sex, though it would probably take a lot of effort since, given the right circumstances he was sure, she could give him a run for his money in the stubbornness department. Besides, no matter what he said, she probably wouldn't believe him anyway. He, of all people, was familiar with how difficult low self- esteem was to get over since he still wasn't quite there himself. Still, he thought it could be solved if one of them, either Yuki or Kyou, would make their move and wondered why it was taking them so long to figure things out. They were being terribly slow about this and he was the one who, born under the sign of the cow, was supposed to be the inept one. Of course, considering how miserably his attempts at a relationship had failed, he didn't think he was exactly the right person to be casting stones at how others tried to run theirs. It was probably best left alone for now.
But it was getting late and he knew that he'd monopolized her time enough. If she didn't get back to the house soon, she'd raise a lot of questions and that wasn't a something he wanted to put her through, not after how patiently she had listened to him when she had no reason to do so. It was best to send her on her way.
"It's getting late," he told her. "And you probably need time to make dinner so you'd better go."
"Yes," she said, noticing how the sky was starting to darken a little. "I should but," she looked at him, "what about Hatsuharu-san?"
"What about me?"
"Isn't Hatsuharu-san going to go home, too?"
"Ah." He blinked. "I will. Eventually."
Tohru frowned. "Why not come back the house with me? Have dinner with us?"
"That's probably not a good idea." He shook his head.
"Why?" Then, sure that he was worried about being an inconvenience, she rushed to assure him that, "I can just as easily make dinner for another person. It's no trouble, really."
"No." He frowned. "It's not a good idea for me to be around him right now."
"Who?" she asked, confused.
He blinked. "I told you already."
"Told me what?"
She had no idea what he was talking about but she was getting a bad feeling and started to nervously fiddle with the hem of her skirt again. As for Hatsuharu, he grimaced as he replayed their conversation in his mind and realized that, no, he hadn't told her. He shot her a glance, a bit wary, wondering how she'd take the news. Though he found it hard to believe himself, he thought it best to just get it over with and tell her.
"The one Rin's in love with," he said to her, "is Shigure-sensei."
to Rin.