Losing Grip: Don't Dream It's Over
Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2003 12:47 pm
Losing Grip: Don?t Dream It?s Over
Engrish Spy
Rating R
Disclaimer: Do not own The Song Don't Dream it's over or Gundam Wing
A/N: I stole a scene from Evangelion and used it for Heero?s madness or Heero?s decent into madness.
To say I felt nothing for a woman who had followed me since my arrival on Earth would be a lie and a good one to pull off but I never could. To say that I was madly in love with her at first sight would also be a lie. What I felt for Relena started out as bitter hatred much like Quatre and Dorothy?s relationship and ended with both of us broken but I was able to say I loved her. I gave her what made her happy and for the first time in my life I was happy saying those four words.
I do not mean that in the perverted sense. Yes I was having sex at the time, so my body was in a state of physical happiness but I was in a state of mental happiness. It was if I had found home. I told Duo this over the phone, and he just scoffed and then muttered ?It?s about fucking time?. I never saw what was coming next.
-------------------------------
There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
there?s a battle ahead, many battles are lost
but you'll never see the end of the road
while you're travelling with me
-------------------------------
I was not present when they buried her. Her brother was out for my blood and I did not want to have to fight her brother at the funeral. You see like Relena, I was also tired of my life, but I would have to live, for her. She always wanted to see the best for me.
Quatre told me it was a beautiful memorial service. They had ordered lilies and roses in many colours. Dorothy was the one to give the eulogy at the appropriate time. She of course had been Relena?s first and longest friend. She was laid to rest in the Peacecraft plot and on the marker of where she was placed in the wall read ?Relena Dorlian ? Peacecraft, Dove of Peace, Righter of Wrongs, Queen of our hearts?. Quatre had a way of describing them to me, yet I really did not pay attention. I cared less about the actual ceremony and more about myself. I was selfish in think how would I go on. How would I go on?
-------------------------------
Hey now, hey now
don?t dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
they come, they come
to build a wall between us
we know they won't win
-------------------------------
I remember walking back into the room that was the staging ground for the sex we engaged in. I saw a sleeping Relena and thought nothing of it. What I did not notice was the empty pill bottle that was clutched tightly in her hands. I did not see the few spilt pills on the floor. I only thought she was sleeping. I left the room and went back to my work.
It was about six at night when I entered the room. I felt a shiver past over my skin as I walked in. I was never one to shiver for an unknown reason. I noticed that Relena had been in the same position I had left a few short hours ago. At that moment I knew something was awry. I moved quickly to the bed and noticed the empty pill bottle had rolled from her hand onto the pillow beside her. I then looked at her. Her eyes were wide open and staring off into space. I also noticed the horrible stench of human excrement?s that I had come to associate with human death.
I backed away from the body in horror. For the first time in my life I was scared of the corpse in front of me. What had happened? What did she do? Why do I feel as if I have lost the only thing in my life? Why did this happen to me again? I never wanted to kill her literally. I never wanted her to die first. I wanted to die before her.
-------------------------------
Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page
-------------------------------
I avoided every one after her death. I went back to the moon and did what I was told to do. I felt like the doll I had been back in the war. I was just a doll again. I did my job and that was my function. Oh how I wished for death. Oh the taste of it would be quiet a change from this mundanity that I had set up for myself. Why did I fear her so? Why did I not give her my heart sooner? Why did I have to kill her twice? I am a killer till death.
-------------------------------
Hey now, hey now
don?t dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
they come, they come
to build a wall between us
we know they won't win
-------------------------------
I slowly began my decent into the perfect solider mold. I hid from the world. One the first anniversary of her death, Quatre tried to contact me, but I ignored it. On the fifth they tried to contact me again. I ignored and continued my descent into my dark madness. By the seventh, I was already in a mental institute. I was gone from the world. I was a mindless man who was ready to kill himself whenever he got a chance. I had visitors but they dwindled as the years passed on. Duo would come every once and awhile to check up on me, to see if I had made any progress. I never did.
-------------------------------
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
and I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
only the shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief
-------------------------------
By the tenth anniversary, I fell deeper into my delusional dream. I had stolen a doll from another patient and had started to call it Relena. I would stroke and coo at the doll. I would tell it I loved it more then life itself and that I would protect it no mater what the cost. Whatever the cost?
-------------------------------
Hey now, hey now
don?t dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
they come, they come
to build a wall between us
don?t ever let them win
-------------------------------
TBC?
Engrish Spy
Rating R
Disclaimer: Do not own The Song Don't Dream it's over or Gundam Wing
A/N: I stole a scene from Evangelion and used it for Heero?s madness or Heero?s decent into madness.
To say I felt nothing for a woman who had followed me since my arrival on Earth would be a lie and a good one to pull off but I never could. To say that I was madly in love with her at first sight would also be a lie. What I felt for Relena started out as bitter hatred much like Quatre and Dorothy?s relationship and ended with both of us broken but I was able to say I loved her. I gave her what made her happy and for the first time in my life I was happy saying those four words.
I do not mean that in the perverted sense. Yes I was having sex at the time, so my body was in a state of physical happiness but I was in a state of mental happiness. It was if I had found home. I told Duo this over the phone, and he just scoffed and then muttered ?It?s about fucking time?. I never saw what was coming next.
-------------------------------
There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
there?s a battle ahead, many battles are lost
but you'll never see the end of the road
while you're travelling with me
-------------------------------
I was not present when they buried her. Her brother was out for my blood and I did not want to have to fight her brother at the funeral. You see like Relena, I was also tired of my life, but I would have to live, for her. She always wanted to see the best for me.
Quatre told me it was a beautiful memorial service. They had ordered lilies and roses in many colours. Dorothy was the one to give the eulogy at the appropriate time. She of course had been Relena?s first and longest friend. She was laid to rest in the Peacecraft plot and on the marker of where she was placed in the wall read ?Relena Dorlian ? Peacecraft, Dove of Peace, Righter of Wrongs, Queen of our hearts?. Quatre had a way of describing them to me, yet I really did not pay attention. I cared less about the actual ceremony and more about myself. I was selfish in think how would I go on. How would I go on?
-------------------------------
Hey now, hey now
don?t dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
they come, they come
to build a wall between us
we know they won't win
-------------------------------
I remember walking back into the room that was the staging ground for the sex we engaged in. I saw a sleeping Relena and thought nothing of it. What I did not notice was the empty pill bottle that was clutched tightly in her hands. I did not see the few spilt pills on the floor. I only thought she was sleeping. I left the room and went back to my work.
It was about six at night when I entered the room. I felt a shiver past over my skin as I walked in. I was never one to shiver for an unknown reason. I noticed that Relena had been in the same position I had left a few short hours ago. At that moment I knew something was awry. I moved quickly to the bed and noticed the empty pill bottle had rolled from her hand onto the pillow beside her. I then looked at her. Her eyes were wide open and staring off into space. I also noticed the horrible stench of human excrement?s that I had come to associate with human death.
I backed away from the body in horror. For the first time in my life I was scared of the corpse in front of me. What had happened? What did she do? Why do I feel as if I have lost the only thing in my life? Why did this happen to me again? I never wanted to kill her literally. I never wanted her to die first. I wanted to die before her.
-------------------------------
Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page
-------------------------------
I avoided every one after her death. I went back to the moon and did what I was told to do. I felt like the doll I had been back in the war. I was just a doll again. I did my job and that was my function. Oh how I wished for death. Oh the taste of it would be quiet a change from this mundanity that I had set up for myself. Why did I fear her so? Why did I not give her my heart sooner? Why did I have to kill her twice? I am a killer till death.
-------------------------------
Hey now, hey now
don?t dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
they come, they come
to build a wall between us
we know they won't win
-------------------------------
I slowly began my decent into the perfect solider mold. I hid from the world. One the first anniversary of her death, Quatre tried to contact me, but I ignored it. On the fifth they tried to contact me again. I ignored and continued my descent into my dark madness. By the seventh, I was already in a mental institute. I was gone from the world. I was a mindless man who was ready to kill himself whenever he got a chance. I had visitors but they dwindled as the years passed on. Duo would come every once and awhile to check up on me, to see if I had made any progress. I never did.
-------------------------------
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
and I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
only the shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief
-------------------------------
By the tenth anniversary, I fell deeper into my delusional dream. I had stolen a doll from another patient and had started to call it Relena. I would stroke and coo at the doll. I would tell it I loved it more then life itself and that I would protect it no mater what the cost. Whatever the cost?
-------------------------------
Hey now, hey now
don?t dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
they come, they come
to build a wall between us
don?t ever let them win
-------------------------------
TBC?