Losing Grip: Hello
Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2003 2:19 pm
Losing Grip: Hello
The Engrish Spy
Rating R
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. MBF and Wicked can vouch for that. Though for some crazy reason I?m under the influence of the Zero system and in a Mobile Suit but that?s just their crazy imaginations?I also don?t own the song Hello by Evanescence, which has the most kick ass album I have heard in a long time.
Time seems to pass quickly as I sit here at my desk. How many years have past since I last was able to play? How many years have I spent behind this desk as a prisoner? How many days have I felt so lost? How many times have I longed for him? How many minuets does he spend thinking of me? I was at a lost as what to do with myself. Then I would think of him. I would think about Heero and what he thought of me.
I remember asking my adoptive mother once what true love was. She replied that it was like being in a huge space port with millions of people speeding off to destinations unknown. She continued to speak in that calm voice I vaguely remember. She said that you would spot your true love across the crowed concourse and your eyes would meet. The people around you would continue to speed off and speed up and you would just slow down as if you had all the time in the world. I never believe in that story.
When I got older I remember asking Quatre what he thought true love was. He was one of the only Gundam Pilots that I really kept in touch with after the war, aside from Duo and Hilde. He laughed and then produced a plethora of pictures from his pockets. I was handed one to look over. There was a blonde haired child with light blue eyes, smiling back at unknown people. He told me that was his and Dorothy?s oldest. She was the result of a rendezvous that was unexpected by both because of their war-torn past. He then told me the day Dorothy had told him that she was pregnant was like falling in love with her over again, even though they were still bitter enemies. That was what true love was to him. A connection to the other person. I flushed my connection down the drain the day I had it ripped from my body. I hate myself?
----------------------------------------
Playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I?m your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
----------------------------------------
I do not remember much about Heero comforting me that day in the shower. I just remember being cold and then warm. Even though he said those words I longed to hear, I could not take it. I was broken and no matter what he said he could not fix me. Nobody could fix me. I was broken, and I did not want to go on anymore.
----------------------------------------
If I smile and don't believe
soon I know I?ll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me I?m not broken
hello I?m the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
----------------------------------------
I remember him putting me back in the bed that we had shared the night before. As much as he wanted to join me, he had things to take care of. I nodded and then shut my eyes in attempts to sleep. He left a whispered kiss on my forehead. As soon as the door was shut I pulled the little bottle of pills I kept in my night table in a hidden compartment that was supposed to be for a weapon in case my room was breached. I refused to keep one there, even though I was not under the Peacecraft name.
As I fingered the bottle in contemplation, I began to wonder why I had even taken the position in life that I had. Why had I distanced myself from people, friends, and enemies? What I was doing with my life at twenty four? I came to the relisation that I was just too tired. I was not going to go on living, Even though the man who uttered those words that I longed to hear, who had caused me so much grief in the past nine years was wanting me to live. He wanted me to live for the simple fact that if I did not he would have no real purpose in this world.
?I have worn out my purpose?
----------------------------------------
Suddenly I know I?m not sleeping
hello I?m still here
all that's left of yesterday
----------------------------------------
TBC?
The Engrish Spy
Rating R
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. MBF and Wicked can vouch for that. Though for some crazy reason I?m under the influence of the Zero system and in a Mobile Suit but that?s just their crazy imaginations?I also don?t own the song Hello by Evanescence, which has the most kick ass album I have heard in a long time.
Time seems to pass quickly as I sit here at my desk. How many years have past since I last was able to play? How many years have I spent behind this desk as a prisoner? How many days have I felt so lost? How many times have I longed for him? How many minuets does he spend thinking of me? I was at a lost as what to do with myself. Then I would think of him. I would think about Heero and what he thought of me.
I remember asking my adoptive mother once what true love was. She replied that it was like being in a huge space port with millions of people speeding off to destinations unknown. She continued to speak in that calm voice I vaguely remember. She said that you would spot your true love across the crowed concourse and your eyes would meet. The people around you would continue to speed off and speed up and you would just slow down as if you had all the time in the world. I never believe in that story.
When I got older I remember asking Quatre what he thought true love was. He was one of the only Gundam Pilots that I really kept in touch with after the war, aside from Duo and Hilde. He laughed and then produced a plethora of pictures from his pockets. I was handed one to look over. There was a blonde haired child with light blue eyes, smiling back at unknown people. He told me that was his and Dorothy?s oldest. She was the result of a rendezvous that was unexpected by both because of their war-torn past. He then told me the day Dorothy had told him that she was pregnant was like falling in love with her over again, even though they were still bitter enemies. That was what true love was to him. A connection to the other person. I flushed my connection down the drain the day I had it ripped from my body. I hate myself?
----------------------------------------
Playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I?m your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
----------------------------------------
I do not remember much about Heero comforting me that day in the shower. I just remember being cold and then warm. Even though he said those words I longed to hear, I could not take it. I was broken and no matter what he said he could not fix me. Nobody could fix me. I was broken, and I did not want to go on anymore.
----------------------------------------
If I smile and don't believe
soon I know I?ll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me I?m not broken
hello I?m the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
----------------------------------------
I remember him putting me back in the bed that we had shared the night before. As much as he wanted to join me, he had things to take care of. I nodded and then shut my eyes in attempts to sleep. He left a whispered kiss on my forehead. As soon as the door was shut I pulled the little bottle of pills I kept in my night table in a hidden compartment that was supposed to be for a weapon in case my room was breached. I refused to keep one there, even though I was not under the Peacecraft name.
As I fingered the bottle in contemplation, I began to wonder why I had even taken the position in life that I had. Why had I distanced myself from people, friends, and enemies? What I was doing with my life at twenty four? I came to the relisation that I was just too tired. I was not going to go on living, Even though the man who uttered those words that I longed to hear, who had caused me so much grief in the past nine years was wanting me to live. He wanted me to live for the simple fact that if I did not he would have no real purpose in this world.
?I have worn out my purpose?
----------------------------------------
Suddenly I know I?m not sleeping
hello I?m still here
all that's left of yesterday
----------------------------------------
TBC?
NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just when things were going to well!...sorta...