Losing Grip: Smile
Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2003 6:56 pm
Losing Grip: Smile
Rating: R
The Engrish Spy
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. They are property of Bandai and Sunrise. I also do not own the song Smile. It is by a group called Olive who is a great Trip Hop group that have been featured in many movies and an episode of Popular.
The room, it smelled nice. It smelled of sunshine, roses, and her. The sheets were warm and soft, like cotton. I was warm, warmer then I had ever been in all my life. I felt warmer then the day Relena held me in her arms after the Mariemaia coup d? ete. I was content to lounge here in this warmth, in this blissful peace. There was movement next to me but I ignored it off. I was too satisfied with this warmth to move. I was enjoying myself, a pleasure I never let myself have. A pleasure that I think the gods denied me from birth. Though I did not believe in gods.
---------------------------------
Smile, you'll steal away my soul
Smile, I'll hide away and cry
My mind's made up
I will shudder to see your eyes
Smile no doubt I'll keep my pride
But It may be hard to find
---------------------------------
I hear a voice but I ignore it. I feel more shifting but I ignore it again. I just snuggled deeper into the warmth. Oh it was blissful. I was in heaven and I wanted to enjoy it before I was taken away from it.
It was as if I had been given a taste of heaven that I could only reach once and I wanted to savour it to the full extent.
?Heero,? a voice called out to me.
I ignored it and snuggled in closer to the warmth.
?You are a blanket hog,? the voice hissed and then yanked away some of the warmth near my body.
I found myself rousing and then growled, ?No I?m not.?
There was giggling that sounded like the bells of fairies. I opened my eyes slowly only to be greeted to a bright yellow glow that engulfed the room. I cursed in Japanese, and my ears registered another giggle. It was quiet familiar to me but I could not place the owner of the giggling.
---------------------------------
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
But more regret
Painted on with empathy
---------------------------------
I flipped onto my back and placed my right arm over my already closed eyes. Where was I? I could not tell because I had been blinded but wherever I was it was not hostile. I also tried to move my legs but found I could not. I could feel another pair tangled in them. Sighing I tried to open my eyes again only to double blinded, for at the angle I was in the light directly hit me in the eye. I cursed again but stopped when my chest began to tingle and a small silky hand began to trace patterns on my skin.
---------------------------------
Smile, don't complicate my time
Smile don't ask me if I'm fine
My world blown down
There is nothing that words can say
Smile, no doubt I'll keep my pride
But it may be hard to find
---------------------------------
It then left my chest for my neck and then my face. The hand began to brush away the hair that seemed to be in disarray on my forehead. I sighed and let the hand continue its ministrations. Again I felt things come into place. I felt as if I belonged. I felt as if this was the thing, which I should let everything else go and continue on like this. However fear began to build up in heart. What if this was a dream? Maybe that was the reason why I could not open my eyes. Maybe Relena had killed me and that I would wake in hell where I would be a soulless man. It was not like I was not one all ready. Just look at my deeds over the years.
?Heero,? the voice soothed and then I felt soft and tiny kisses left against my skin.
?What,? I managed to croak.
?Wake up,? the soft voice stated.
?No,? I growled and then flipped onto my side.
?Yes,? the voice protested in response.
?Why?? I asked flipping back onto my back.
?Cause the maids are going to be here any moment and I don?t want you to get caught,? the voice hissed.
?This is only a dream anyways let me savour it just a little longer,? I mumbled and then nuzzled closer to the person in the bed.
The person was most defiantly a woman and was warm. So warm, so soft and smelled of lavender and honey. It was as if she was in my bed. I sighed and nuzzled even closer trying to capture that scent before the dream left me.
---------------------------------
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
But more regret
Painted on with empathy
---------------------------------
I have to admit, this was the first time that I had ever dreamed this vivid before. It was also strange that this was the first dream of its kind. I normally do not dream, in fact I rarely even sleep as deep as I was now. I could function for days with out sleep yet I did not know what caused me to sleep this deeply and dream this clearly.
---------------------------------
There's nothing left, there's nothing left
---------------------------------
?Heero, you need to get up,? the voice called to me.
?Why?? I mumble.
?Cause I have to go to work and you have to go back to the moon,? she said with a sigh.
?I?m on the moon right now,? I said softly and then I turned again. It was such a surreal feeling to be doing this in a dream, even though dreams are the surreal.
?You?re on Earth, in my room. Remember what we did last night,? the voice stated playfully.
Flashes crossed my mind as I continued to keep my eyes closed in attempts to hold on to this blissful dream. I could see pale skin flushed from passion. I could remember the tingling sensation across my skin as pale hand traced the length of my body. I could hear my name cried out and I remembered the four words that escaped from my mouth as I climaxed. I love you Relena.
---------------------------------
Smile, you'll steal away my soul
Smile, I'll hide away and cry
there?s nothing left
Handed down your legacy
---------------------------------
My eyes shot open in shock and my body rose from the bed with a start. Sitting up completely I was greeted to the site of a blotchy, naked blonde. She was grasping the white sheet close to her skin and was hiding her face by looking down at the sheets. She was now occupied with playing with the duvet around her feet.
?What happened?? was all that I was able to mutter.
I noticed that she had begun to tear up again. I cursed myself inwardly and then cast my eyes towards the blanket as well.
?You came here last night with a gun,? she said through her silent tears.
?Was it to kill you?? I asked, the incident seemingly escaping my mind.
She shook her head, ?but I wish you had.?
I sighed and then looked towards the crying Relena. She clutched the white sheet to her chest even tighter. What was I to do? I just could not embrace this girl. I caused her too many problems. What she was not just a girl, she was a woman. A woman who was nearing her twenty fifth birthday in a matter of weeks.
?Why did I come to Earth?? I asked her.
She stopped cry enough to raise her head. She did not look at me but she looked towards the wall.
?You wanted me to kill you. You wanted me to kill you so I could go on and be strong. But I couldn?t. I couldn?t kill the only man I have ever been in love with. No matter what he has done to me? Whether it was beat me, ignore me, spit on me, rape me, and even kill me. I could never live with that on my conscience,? she said quietly.
---------------------------------
Smile, you'll steal away my soul
Smile, I'll hide away and cry
there?s nothing left
Handed down your legacy
Smile, no doubt I'll keep my pride
but it may be hard to find
---------------------------------
I nodded and then got out of the bed and began to search for my clothing. It was a mistake to be here. I was only going to hurt Relena further. I was also regretting saying those four words last night. I was trying to atone for my previous actions but I only made it worse.
?Did you mean what you said last night?? I heard her ask softly.
I did not answer for I feared that I was breaking her heart by standing up out of the bed. She did not make a noise and took my silence as a no. I was already breaking her heart.
I had my boxers on when I head the bathroom door shut and the lock click. My heart began to race. What could she be doing in there? Could she be going to kill herself? Why would she do that?
I ran to the door and knocked on it sharply. There was no reply. I repeated my actions and still there was no answer. I then broke down the door. I looked to see if the razor was gone but it was still in its place on the vanity. I then noticed the steam coming from the shower. I looked into see Relena on the floor. She was huddled in a corner clutching her body in the foetal position. I climbed into the shower and put my arms around her, for I was afraid that she might regress back into the shell she had developed over a year ago. I sat there and rocked her. I rocked her till the shower began to run cold. She just cried and I began to cry with her.
---------------------------------
If only you had tried
Going to leave it far behind
It may be hard to find
If only you had tried
Going to leave it far behind
---------------------------------
TBC?.
A/N: Ok so this is not the end for this torrid couple. Yes I plan many more hardships for these guys because I have to admit this is a song fic saga that I have enjoyed writing for. I can always find songs that relate to Heero and Relena or fit in with this story line. Black and White will be updated soon. I have plans for a Trowa appearance quite soon.
Rating: R
The Engrish Spy
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. They are property of Bandai and Sunrise. I also do not own the song Smile. It is by a group called Olive who is a great Trip Hop group that have been featured in many movies and an episode of Popular.
The room, it smelled nice. It smelled of sunshine, roses, and her. The sheets were warm and soft, like cotton. I was warm, warmer then I had ever been in all my life. I felt warmer then the day Relena held me in her arms after the Mariemaia coup d? ete. I was content to lounge here in this warmth, in this blissful peace. There was movement next to me but I ignored it off. I was too satisfied with this warmth to move. I was enjoying myself, a pleasure I never let myself have. A pleasure that I think the gods denied me from birth. Though I did not believe in gods.
---------------------------------
Smile, you'll steal away my soul
Smile, I'll hide away and cry
My mind's made up
I will shudder to see your eyes
Smile no doubt I'll keep my pride
But It may be hard to find
---------------------------------
I hear a voice but I ignore it. I feel more shifting but I ignore it again. I just snuggled deeper into the warmth. Oh it was blissful. I was in heaven and I wanted to enjoy it before I was taken away from it.
It was as if I had been given a taste of heaven that I could only reach once and I wanted to savour it to the full extent.
?Heero,? a voice called out to me.
I ignored it and snuggled in closer to the warmth.
?You are a blanket hog,? the voice hissed and then yanked away some of the warmth near my body.
I found myself rousing and then growled, ?No I?m not.?
There was giggling that sounded like the bells of fairies. I opened my eyes slowly only to be greeted to a bright yellow glow that engulfed the room. I cursed in Japanese, and my ears registered another giggle. It was quiet familiar to me but I could not place the owner of the giggling.
---------------------------------
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
But more regret
Painted on with empathy
---------------------------------
I flipped onto my back and placed my right arm over my already closed eyes. Where was I? I could not tell because I had been blinded but wherever I was it was not hostile. I also tried to move my legs but found I could not. I could feel another pair tangled in them. Sighing I tried to open my eyes again only to double blinded, for at the angle I was in the light directly hit me in the eye. I cursed again but stopped when my chest began to tingle and a small silky hand began to trace patterns on my skin.
---------------------------------
Smile, don't complicate my time
Smile don't ask me if I'm fine
My world blown down
There is nothing that words can say
Smile, no doubt I'll keep my pride
But it may be hard to find
---------------------------------
It then left my chest for my neck and then my face. The hand began to brush away the hair that seemed to be in disarray on my forehead. I sighed and let the hand continue its ministrations. Again I felt things come into place. I felt as if I belonged. I felt as if this was the thing, which I should let everything else go and continue on like this. However fear began to build up in heart. What if this was a dream? Maybe that was the reason why I could not open my eyes. Maybe Relena had killed me and that I would wake in hell where I would be a soulless man. It was not like I was not one all ready. Just look at my deeds over the years.
?Heero,? the voice soothed and then I felt soft and tiny kisses left against my skin.
?What,? I managed to croak.
?Wake up,? the soft voice stated.
?No,? I growled and then flipped onto my side.
?Yes,? the voice protested in response.
?Why?? I asked flipping back onto my back.
?Cause the maids are going to be here any moment and I don?t want you to get caught,? the voice hissed.
?This is only a dream anyways let me savour it just a little longer,? I mumbled and then nuzzled closer to the person in the bed.
The person was most defiantly a woman and was warm. So warm, so soft and smelled of lavender and honey. It was as if she was in my bed. I sighed and nuzzled even closer trying to capture that scent before the dream left me.
---------------------------------
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
But more regret
Painted on with empathy
---------------------------------
I have to admit, this was the first time that I had ever dreamed this vivid before. It was also strange that this was the first dream of its kind. I normally do not dream, in fact I rarely even sleep as deep as I was now. I could function for days with out sleep yet I did not know what caused me to sleep this deeply and dream this clearly.
---------------------------------
There's nothing left, there's nothing left
---------------------------------
?Heero, you need to get up,? the voice called to me.
?Why?? I mumble.
?Cause I have to go to work and you have to go back to the moon,? she said with a sigh.
?I?m on the moon right now,? I said softly and then I turned again. It was such a surreal feeling to be doing this in a dream, even though dreams are the surreal.
?You?re on Earth, in my room. Remember what we did last night,? the voice stated playfully.
Flashes crossed my mind as I continued to keep my eyes closed in attempts to hold on to this blissful dream. I could see pale skin flushed from passion. I could remember the tingling sensation across my skin as pale hand traced the length of my body. I could hear my name cried out and I remembered the four words that escaped from my mouth as I climaxed. I love you Relena.
---------------------------------
Smile, you'll steal away my soul
Smile, I'll hide away and cry
there?s nothing left
Handed down your legacy
---------------------------------
My eyes shot open in shock and my body rose from the bed with a start. Sitting up completely I was greeted to the site of a blotchy, naked blonde. She was grasping the white sheet close to her skin and was hiding her face by looking down at the sheets. She was now occupied with playing with the duvet around her feet.
?What happened?? was all that I was able to mutter.
I noticed that she had begun to tear up again. I cursed myself inwardly and then cast my eyes towards the blanket as well.
?You came here last night with a gun,? she said through her silent tears.
?Was it to kill you?? I asked, the incident seemingly escaping my mind.
She shook her head, ?but I wish you had.?
I sighed and then looked towards the crying Relena. She clutched the white sheet to her chest even tighter. What was I to do? I just could not embrace this girl. I caused her too many problems. What she was not just a girl, she was a woman. A woman who was nearing her twenty fifth birthday in a matter of weeks.
?Why did I come to Earth?? I asked her.
She stopped cry enough to raise her head. She did not look at me but she looked towards the wall.
?You wanted me to kill you. You wanted me to kill you so I could go on and be strong. But I couldn?t. I couldn?t kill the only man I have ever been in love with. No matter what he has done to me? Whether it was beat me, ignore me, spit on me, rape me, and even kill me. I could never live with that on my conscience,? she said quietly.
---------------------------------
Smile, you'll steal away my soul
Smile, I'll hide away and cry
there?s nothing left
Handed down your legacy
Smile, no doubt I'll keep my pride
but it may be hard to find
---------------------------------
I nodded and then got out of the bed and began to search for my clothing. It was a mistake to be here. I was only going to hurt Relena further. I was also regretting saying those four words last night. I was trying to atone for my previous actions but I only made it worse.
?Did you mean what you said last night?? I heard her ask softly.
I did not answer for I feared that I was breaking her heart by standing up out of the bed. She did not make a noise and took my silence as a no. I was already breaking her heart.
I had my boxers on when I head the bathroom door shut and the lock click. My heart began to race. What could she be doing in there? Could she be going to kill herself? Why would she do that?
I ran to the door and knocked on it sharply. There was no reply. I repeated my actions and still there was no answer. I then broke down the door. I looked to see if the razor was gone but it was still in its place on the vanity. I then noticed the steam coming from the shower. I looked into see Relena on the floor. She was huddled in a corner clutching her body in the foetal position. I climbed into the shower and put my arms around her, for I was afraid that she might regress back into the shell she had developed over a year ago. I sat there and rocked her. I rocked her till the shower began to run cold. She just cried and I began to cry with her.
---------------------------------
If only you had tried
Going to leave it far behind
It may be hard to find
If only you had tried
Going to leave it far behind
---------------------------------
TBC?.
A/N: Ok so this is not the end for this torrid couple. Yes I plan many more hardships for these guys because I have to admit this is a song fic saga that I have enjoyed writing for. I can always find songs that relate to Heero and Relena or fit in with this story line. Black and White will be updated soon. I have plans for a Trowa appearance quite soon.
Yuy better fix that problem soon or else... HE NEEDS TO TELL RELENA THE TRUTH!!