Atonement Chapter 2: Rude Awakening
Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2003 12:54 am
Title: Atonement: To Love, Protect, and Forgive
Author: Kenhime
Genre: Drama/Romance/Action
Disclaimer: -_- I don?t own Gundam Wing, but I do own the new characters in the story.
Summary: What is atonement? For five young men who bloodstained their hands for peace, they can't find the answer. In AC 197, one vengeful man strips Heero away his certainties and the girl he loves, leaving him to search for the answer to atonement.
Author?s Note: This one was hard to write because of the focus on the characters. I hope you?ll be able to understand what I?m trying to say about the characters.
Chapter 2: Rude Awakening
?It was you...? Heero murmured, realization dawning on his face. ?You?re behind all this... What are you doing??
?Do I need to remind you, Heero?? The curved lines on his face deepened. ?You seem to have forgotten my sister and me for two years.?
?You...where??
?When you killed my sister...leaving me with so much misery that I almost died of sickness,? he interjected casually, absently flicking his bangs away from his eyes. ?For two years, I lived in Earth?s hellhole known as America. I stole food and if I couldn?t, I killed and ate flesh, whether it was a rat or a human...?
?Don?t...don?t say anymore,? the other uttered, his fists clenched so tightly that the stretched skin on his knuckles turned a deathly white. Akito enjoyed his suffering and continued on.
?But I survived. I survived with the hatred for you and the promise of vengeance,? he took out an aristocratic gun and twirled it playfully with his fingers, spots of light reflecting off the golden veins engraved on the gun. ?I went to the top of one of the most influential mafias in a matter of weeks. I supplied those five-hundred Serpents to Mariemeiya?s Army. The weapons, the power?they are all mine. I did this?just for this day to arrive when I can finally send you to hell!?
?I can understand why you want to avenge your sister?s death. I can?t deny the truth of what happened that day, Akito. But this revenge is only for me,? Heero hoarsely spoke. The grin slid from Akito?s face and he glared.
?No,? he spat contemptuously. ?My revenge isn?t for you alone. It?s everything you have! Those you hold dear, those you speak with! The universe that you created with your stained hands...a universe without my sister?only that could equal the sin you committed!?
?Then it wouldn?t be revenge?it would just be slaughter! If Yukino had wanted revenge, she wouldn?t want this!? Growling, the enraged Akito threw the gun at the former soldier?s face. Heero didn?t bother to dodge and felt the hard object hit his face, leaving a steam of blood at his temple.
?You have no right to speak my sister?s name, or even about slaughter, you who had taken many lives.? He bit his lip in rage so hard that his lip bled. Carelessly wiping off the blood from his mouth, Akito pointed a finger at Heero. ?Try and speak her name again. Try and I?ll send more than enough missiles to destroy five thriving colonies.? Heero looked down at the ground, silenced. Akito looked away from the pitiful man; he couldn?t stand to look at him for so long. The silence continued until the red-haired man was calm again.
?Six days...After six days, my ?Earthly Justice? will begin. My sister loved the quiet. So that?s why I?m going to keep this battle personal and quick. Five other people?those who want revenge from the Gundam pilots just as I do?and I will fight you in Antarctica. If you have any complaints, I can gladly destroy a colony and make those complaints their concern.? With a sadistic smile, Akito turned around and began to walk away. Heero wrenched his eyes from the ground and yelled.
?Tell me, Akito! Is there any other way than fighting you to atone for my crime? Answer me!? The red-headed man stopped in mid-stride.
?No, but you can suffer,? and he left the forlorn sinner to his anguished reflections.
~~~***~~~
Sighing, Trowa leaned his head against the wall, his arms crossing over his chest. He had contacted Quatre and found some startling information: all the former Gundam pilots were being attacked. It wasn?t surprising by then that she would show up. What was worse that he had trouble hiding all this from his sister. It was only a few hours ago since his reunion with his childhood friend, if you could really call her that...
?Seven years pass... And now you are no longer the traveler looking for a home. Now you are no longer without a name... But are you no longer without a past??
?After so long...why are you here, Midii Une?? Trowa avoided her question.
?I?m here to make you remember.? Then a bitter, painful smile crept up her face. ?And I?m here to make you suffer.?
He replied softly, ?What...have I done??
?You killed me.? The cold words cut through the air like a knife and Trowa could almost see the dullness in her wintry eyes in the distance between them. ?And this empty corpse wants to have its vengeance.?
There was a long pause before he answered. ?You?ve got the wrong guy. I?m not Nanashi, the one you seek vengeance from. I am, until my death, Trowa Barton.?
?Alas...It does not matter to me, for you are still the same person, with or without a name.? Before the young man could reply, she took out a small mechanical device from her side pocket of the suit, placing on her flat palm, the same smile playing on her lips. ?A small device as this, Trowa...can cause a so much damage, don?t you think? One press of the small red button self-destructs the Serpent, causing a large enough explosion to engulf you, me, and your dear sister, in an inferno. In fact, it could damage the colony as well.? Trowa narrowed his eyes.
?It?s too easy for you to kill me like that.?
?Don?t think of me as low as to do such a thing,? her calm voice hinting at anger. ?Even a worthless girl like me has her honor. It was only a threat to force you into receiving my revenge.?
?What do you have planned for me??
?Death,? she answered sweetly, as if giving him a present, with sadistic amusement lit in her eyes. ?I want to kill you with my own hands and hear you scream in agony, just like how I died. In seven days, serpent against Serpent in the heart of space, we will find where we stand?me, the avenger above you, the one who deserves the justice. If not?? She threw the destruct button in the air and deftly caught it. ?Then the things that you have found will be lost.? Leaving the words hanging in the air, she turned away and returned to the cockpit, placing the helmet on her head once again.
The mobile suit started up, the heat boosters flaring up. The hot wind was so strong that it even slightly blew the stiff shock of hair that hung over Trowa?s face as he stood solitary on the ground. A large military shuttle flew overhead and the MS entered its cargo ramp. Seconds later, just as the weapon had entered, it was gone.
?Hey?? he turned to the sound of Catherine?s breathless voice, his eyebrow raised in question. She furrowed her brow worriedly, ?Are you all right??
His eyes were unreadable. ?Let?s go to the Preventers.?
Now, it?s been almost four hours since they?ve arrived at Headquarters and his sister had been relentlessly questioning him of the mysterious pilot?s appearance and of many other things. However, he didn?t give her the answers she wanted and Catherine gave up on her interrogation. With a sigh and a sad smile, she squeezed his arm and left the room to his own thoughts.
Trowa had never thought of Midii Une much since he had left her?she was just a girl he met in his path for only a fleeting moment. To him, she had fulfilled her job and went back to her home, while he had to search for his own home. Ironic that in the end, he had found what he had searched for and she had lost what she tried to protect.
He wondered now... How would he be able to fight her? He treated her just like he would treat those of his kind?the kind of people that were torn and miserable from war. His old belief ?anyone who attacks me is my enemy? was long discarded. He had learned that although they were enemy soldiers, they were human and he had slain many of them. It was the raw fact that he had to face. And after going through so much, the former soldier had lost his desire to consider anyone ?enemies? or even fight. He knew that the other Gundam pilots felt the same. But currently, with the sudden attacks, it seemed like there were people avenging against the five boys. With all they had suffered, what would they do now? The answer seemed too far to reach even for the likes of the intelligent young man.
?Trowa??
He glanced up at the call of his name and found the deep grey eyes of Catherine. Unlike the icy grey he clashed with earlier, warmth and concern radiated from those meaningful eyes. Suddenly, his mouth curved into a rare smile. How he could have been so stupid, he admonished himself. The answer was right there, in front of him. She opened her mouth to inquire him, but he unexpectedly grasped her hands and spoke.
?I?m not going to die, Catherine. I?m not going to kill her, either.?
?What do?? Trowa continued on.
?But my life of fighting will not end here. Believe in me when I say this: I will fight to protect you and I will fight to save her. Perhaps by then, I will be able to put my past to rest.? Confusion clouded her eyes, but she blinked away her questions and smiled back, just happy to see him find what he needed. There were no words to be said for now. When she embraced him, she didn?t see his small and rare smile.
~~~***~~~
When did I begin to believe in the God of Death...? So long ago...
The life monitor beeped monotonously, shrilly cutting through the stillness. Its screen dimly lit up the two faces in the darkness.
?I don?t believe in God, because I?ve never seen a miracle, but I believe in Death because I?ve seen lots of dead people!?
I hated war; I hated all this suffering and death...
Cloudy amethyst eyes watched her pale face as she breathed in small steady intervals, her chest barely rising to inhale.
?If they want war so much, why don't the people who like it fight each other and leave us alone!?
War gave birth to orphans like me.
A calloused hand grasped her limp one and lifted her palm to touch his cheek.
?It's just by chance that I'm still alive. I might as well be the one to do the dirty jobs...?
A worthless person like me should do the dirty work...but I lost what I cherished...
A tear trailed down his cheek and slid to the side of Hilde?s hand.
?Sister Helen!?
And then I realize that I didn?t believe in the God of Death?I was the God of Death, whose fingers touches those who will die.
His hand shook slightly, his fingers pressing her hand. He looked away from her, his long bangs brushing softly against the hands on his cheek.
?I run and I hide, but I never lie!?
I?ve never lied to you, but I?ve always hid these feelings inside of me, always running away from them.
Duo gently placed Hilde?s hand down and picked up the duffel bag lying on the floor at his side. The chair scraped harshly against the tiled floor as he pushed it back and stood up. He smiled as his fingers gently pushed away the tendrils of dark hair from her sleeping face.
?Goodbye, Hilde. It was nice knowing you.? He turned away to the door, his hand resting on the doorknob. He could feel his feet become lead, his heart wanting to go back. He turned the doorknob. And that was when he heard a tired and coarse voice break through his despair, one that he wanted to hear so much again.
?Duo??
He turned around, eyes wide in surprise and panic. Hilde?s midnight blue eyes blinked sleepily at him, her hand trembling to reach for him. At once, the duffel bag was left forgotten on the floor and Duo was at her side again. He scolded himself for not leaving before she woke, but inside his guilty conscience, he was grateful he didn?t. She tapped her fingers on the bed control, her eyes asking him to prop her up. He did what she wanted him to do and gently lifted her up into sitting position. She raised her head from the pillows, her mouth opening to speak more.
?Shh...? he brought a finger to her cracked lips. She lowered her eyelids and leaned back on her pillow. Her fingers closed around Duo?s hand firmly. Duo smiled with bittersweet.
She knew.
?Let me go, Hilde,? he murmured, his loving eyes pleading her.
Her response was barely heard. ?No. I?m not letting you run away...?
?It was fun being with you. For awhile, I forgot who I really am...? he chuckled a little. ?But I can?t let you get hurt anymore than you already are.?
?Don?t...don?t run away!? she snapped, her cheeks flushed in anger. He was startled. ?Why?why do you hide? Can?t you see that I don?t care about this kind of pain? Those men came after me...because of revenge.? She closed her eyes. ?Duo, you can?t escape from reality anymore. You have to face it?face penitence.?
He stuttered out, ?A-atone? I?m...I?m the God of Death. I?ve killed and people died around me. There?s no penitence for the God of Death, only death and misery.?
He was in denial.
Her gaze hardened as she ruthlessly brought him to the truth. ?You were never the God of Death. You were Duo Maxwell, a young boy who killed so many people.?
Tears flood the wide pools of violet. Years of disillusion slipped him by, leaving him suddenly bereft. He arched forward, a sob bursting from his throat. His words were a jumbled mess, a mirror to the chaos raging in his mind and soul.
?Why did so many people die? If I didn?t steal that mobile suit, I could?ve died happily along with them. If I didn?t become a stowaway in the Sweepers ship, I could?ve just been a worthless orphan. I loved life. I loved people. And I prayed to God everyday that I wouldn?t have to take another life or He wouldn?t take one either. But there was never a God, Hilde, because he never answered my prayers.?
?I...I wanted so much to have the power of life and death, so I could keep those I love from dying and those I hate from living. But as one by one, people died by my hands, and I realize I wasn?t changing anything. I was just making more orphans like me and more hatred like the one I felt. I don?t know who I am. Am I a believer of God, carrying a cross, or am I a believer of Death, carrying a scythe? How can I give back the life I stole from them?? Hilde?s eyes softened in sympathy. She cradled his head in her lap, stroking the long brown strands of his hair.
She had only one word as the answer. ?Live.?
He looked up at her, puzzled. ?What??
?Live,? the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile. ?For those who died, keep on living. As you continue to live, atone by giving back life. God of Death was never with me. Only you, the person I?ve loved. So don?t run away?from these realities and truths, from me, and from yourself.?
?I...? He closed his eyes.
The truth is painful. But it is the time for me to find it. That?s the only path I can take now. To rest these demons in me, to be with her, and to wake up from this peaceful dream, only to realize that it was real after all.
?I won?t run away.? With much effort, he grinned shakily.
Hilde smiled wider. ?Just remember...that I?ll always be with you. You?ve protected me before.? She hugged him closer to her chest, a tear slipping down her cheek as she whispered the promise into the night.
?Let me protect you now.?
~~~***~~~
The coffee was black and strong, the steam rising out of the mug to swirl in the cold air. Relena leaned her head down to the hot mug, basking in the warm, comforting mist. With her eyes closed, she felt the quiet blanket over her as she waited on the black couch. Her Arabian friend tapped his finger steadily on the desk, the ever-present anxiety on his face.
?Where could he be?? Quatre asked, frowning.
?He?ll be here. Don?t worry, Quatre.? She smiled slightly. ?At least he didn?t catch us on the way back.?
?Still, we haven?t seen him for five hours. It?s past nine now.? He brought a hand over his eyes. ?Miss Relena, earlier at the hospital, my Heart of Space was in pain. I haven?t felt that since the time of war. Something?s terribly wrong...I can feel it.?
Before Relena could express her concern, the door clicked open. It was Heero. A breath got caught in her throat as she saw him, alarmed at the sight. He slumped forward in defeat, his Prussian blue eyes dull and lifeless. True to Quatre?s words, she admitted to herself reluctantly, something had happened. As she slowly stood up from her seat, he stumbled in.
?He?? Quatre began, but Relena?s small hand gesture stopped him. She glanced at him briefly and slightly shook her head. Heero tripped and almost fell as he reached her, but with swift grace, Relena caught him. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern when she noticed a line of crimson on the side of his face. With Quatre?s help, she had him sit on the black leather couch. She reached for a tissue box and with a jumble of the soft paper in a hand, she gently dabbed the blood away from his pale cheek.
?Wha...Yu...? he murmured something incoherent.
?Heero?? she questioned softly, as she leaned closer to decipher what he was saying.
?What...do I do, Yukino?? His eyes were blank and lifeless, the usual intensity and strength in the Prussian blue all lost. Frowning, she gently laid him across the couch and closed his eyes.
She took Heero?s hand in hers, her azure eyes clouded with sadness. ?It?s not over yet, isn?t it?? Quatre silently stood by, his eyes cast down to the floor. They knew the answer.
No, it wasn?t over. In fact, it had only begun.
The image of a defeated Heero was more than Quatre could bear. While Quatre led the Gundam pilots in battle, it was Heero who taught them. He was the perfect image of an honorable soldier, never doubting his power and decisions. The former Sandrock pilot looked up to the Perfect Soldier, and to see him so overcome was like seeing no hope at all.
?Quatre, could you leave the office?? Her voice broke through his thoughts and he looked up at her, startled. Then, he smiled gratefully. He wanted very much to leave the room.
?Sure. I?m going to go get some coffee then.?
?Thank you.? He was in the middle of turning the knob when he paused in mid-thought. He realized suddenly.
Heero?s hope lied within Relena.
He locked gazes with Relena and an understanding that needed no words passed between the two of them. She made a nod and he let out a relieved sigh. With a hopeful smile, he opened the door and stepped out of the room, leaving the two in their solitude and solace.
~~~***~~~
Walking numbly forward in the carnage and burnt remains of a city, Heero kept on questioning himself, his eyes staring dully at the gun that was gripped so tightly in his hand. He said he would not have to kill anymore...but now, he has to take up arms against a person he had no desire to fight with.
He hated it.
No, he hated himself for being so confused and lost.
Carrying the name of the famous old peacemaker, Heero had a strong sense of direction and goal. For a boy who had no identity, it was a great gift and responsibility at the same time. He knew where he would go and would stop at nothing to get there, and had succeeded. He had no regrets of ending the war, and he by then had gained an appreciation for his life. He was capable of leading his own life, free from war.
But the appearance of Akito Asayuki further opened the door to uncertainties. He has helped the universe gain peace, but he had taken life in compensation. His beliefs and his feelings conflicted with each other; his beliefs told him to live and on the other hand, he felt he had an obligation to receive death from Akito.
In the midst of his thoughts, he tripped on an object and almost fell over if he hadn?t had the soldier?s grace to steady himself. He turned his head to glance at the intruding object, but his eyes widened, aghast to find a very familiar teddy bear lodged in the snow. Yet he couldn?t bring himself to pick up the stuffed animal. It was a symbol of peace and he was far from the right to have it. He was covered in blood and he held the symbol of death, a black gun. A shadow, once again, appeared in his line of vision and he glanced up. Strands of golden hair brushed his cheek as soft as silk as she passed him by, her slender figure pale and bright in the dim surroundings. His eyes followed her graceful footsteps, murmuring more to himself than her.
?Relena?? He began to chase after her, his hand reached out to touch her shoulder. ?What are you doing here? Relena!? When he finally caught her attention, she turned around and revealed to be...Yukino. He stumbled back as Yukino?s cold stare struck him ruthlessly.
?Yukino!? he sat up from the couch, panting hard as he returned back to reality. He must be going mad to hallucinate so much. Yukino?s phantom haunted him everywhere now.
What do you want me to do? He asked her. Nothing came out of the question.
?Heero??
He felt her hand warm his and turned to look at her. Her eyes were questioning him, confused and melancholy. But he couldn?t tell her, not now. There was no use in giving her the weight of his pain because she didn?t deserve it.
?I...? He wanted to say that he was okay, but those words died away in his throat. She wouldn?t believe it. Sighing, he slumped down on the couch, staring at the white ceiling with unseeing eyes.
That blank look in his eyes pained Relena, but she gathered strength within herself. Questions filled her mind, but she held them back. What he needed was comfort to his haunted dreams and a smile. There was time for him to tell her later. For now, let him rest.
And let me be with you... she silently added.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Stretches arms wide* Whew...that was a long one, everyone. It took me two weeks to edit, and that was without my beta-reader. I decided to post it up on a couple reasons, being 1) my beta-reader is incredibly busy nowadays and I didn?t want to bug her 2) After the completion of You Only Came, I was terribly behind 3) I?ve edited this part so many times that I?m anxious to publish it.
For anyone who's curious, those quotes in the Duo/Hilde section were actually a translation from Duo's part in Episode Zero. I give credit to Gundamwing.net for the translation.
So there you have it, folks. Please kindly review and tell me what you felt about this part. I was quite attached to this chapter.
As for the reviewers of Prologue and Chapter 1, I?m glad to receive such positive feedback. The next few chapters will die down, so there won?t be much action scenes until chapter seven and eight. To make you the readers ponder a bit, think about theme of this story. ^_^ I felt a lot to write about this particular theme.
Fierysable - ^^;; Gomen for posting without your beta-reading. I just couldn?t wait. Don?t worry though; I?ll need your help in the later chapters, especially the action scenes.
The Black Rose ? Ha! I passed the cursed Chapter 1! ^_^ I remember that I stopped at Chapter 1 for the original version. But I got this one through! Yay!
Author: Kenhime
Genre: Drama/Romance/Action
Disclaimer: -_- I don?t own Gundam Wing, but I do own the new characters in the story.
Summary: What is atonement? For five young men who bloodstained their hands for peace, they can't find the answer. In AC 197, one vengeful man strips Heero away his certainties and the girl he loves, leaving him to search for the answer to atonement.
Author?s Note: This one was hard to write because of the focus on the characters. I hope you?ll be able to understand what I?m trying to say about the characters.
Chapter 2: Rude Awakening
?It was you...? Heero murmured, realization dawning on his face. ?You?re behind all this... What are you doing??
?Do I need to remind you, Heero?? The curved lines on his face deepened. ?You seem to have forgotten my sister and me for two years.?
?You...where??
?When you killed my sister...leaving me with so much misery that I almost died of sickness,? he interjected casually, absently flicking his bangs away from his eyes. ?For two years, I lived in Earth?s hellhole known as America. I stole food and if I couldn?t, I killed and ate flesh, whether it was a rat or a human...?
?Don?t...don?t say anymore,? the other uttered, his fists clenched so tightly that the stretched skin on his knuckles turned a deathly white. Akito enjoyed his suffering and continued on.
?But I survived. I survived with the hatred for you and the promise of vengeance,? he took out an aristocratic gun and twirled it playfully with his fingers, spots of light reflecting off the golden veins engraved on the gun. ?I went to the top of one of the most influential mafias in a matter of weeks. I supplied those five-hundred Serpents to Mariemeiya?s Army. The weapons, the power?they are all mine. I did this?just for this day to arrive when I can finally send you to hell!?
?I can understand why you want to avenge your sister?s death. I can?t deny the truth of what happened that day, Akito. But this revenge is only for me,? Heero hoarsely spoke. The grin slid from Akito?s face and he glared.
?No,? he spat contemptuously. ?My revenge isn?t for you alone. It?s everything you have! Those you hold dear, those you speak with! The universe that you created with your stained hands...a universe without my sister?only that could equal the sin you committed!?
?Then it wouldn?t be revenge?it would just be slaughter! If Yukino had wanted revenge, she wouldn?t want this!? Growling, the enraged Akito threw the gun at the former soldier?s face. Heero didn?t bother to dodge and felt the hard object hit his face, leaving a steam of blood at his temple.
?You have no right to speak my sister?s name, or even about slaughter, you who had taken many lives.? He bit his lip in rage so hard that his lip bled. Carelessly wiping off the blood from his mouth, Akito pointed a finger at Heero. ?Try and speak her name again. Try and I?ll send more than enough missiles to destroy five thriving colonies.? Heero looked down at the ground, silenced. Akito looked away from the pitiful man; he couldn?t stand to look at him for so long. The silence continued until the red-haired man was calm again.
?Six days...After six days, my ?Earthly Justice? will begin. My sister loved the quiet. So that?s why I?m going to keep this battle personal and quick. Five other people?those who want revenge from the Gundam pilots just as I do?and I will fight you in Antarctica. If you have any complaints, I can gladly destroy a colony and make those complaints their concern.? With a sadistic smile, Akito turned around and began to walk away. Heero wrenched his eyes from the ground and yelled.
?Tell me, Akito! Is there any other way than fighting you to atone for my crime? Answer me!? The red-headed man stopped in mid-stride.
?No, but you can suffer,? and he left the forlorn sinner to his anguished reflections.
~~~***~~~
Sighing, Trowa leaned his head against the wall, his arms crossing over his chest. He had contacted Quatre and found some startling information: all the former Gundam pilots were being attacked. It wasn?t surprising by then that she would show up. What was worse that he had trouble hiding all this from his sister. It was only a few hours ago since his reunion with his childhood friend, if you could really call her that...
?Seven years pass... And now you are no longer the traveler looking for a home. Now you are no longer without a name... But are you no longer without a past??
?After so long...why are you here, Midii Une?? Trowa avoided her question.
?I?m here to make you remember.? Then a bitter, painful smile crept up her face. ?And I?m here to make you suffer.?
He replied softly, ?What...have I done??
?You killed me.? The cold words cut through the air like a knife and Trowa could almost see the dullness in her wintry eyes in the distance between them. ?And this empty corpse wants to have its vengeance.?
There was a long pause before he answered. ?You?ve got the wrong guy. I?m not Nanashi, the one you seek vengeance from. I am, until my death, Trowa Barton.?
?Alas...It does not matter to me, for you are still the same person, with or without a name.? Before the young man could reply, she took out a small mechanical device from her side pocket of the suit, placing on her flat palm, the same smile playing on her lips. ?A small device as this, Trowa...can cause a so much damage, don?t you think? One press of the small red button self-destructs the Serpent, causing a large enough explosion to engulf you, me, and your dear sister, in an inferno. In fact, it could damage the colony as well.? Trowa narrowed his eyes.
?It?s too easy for you to kill me like that.?
?Don?t think of me as low as to do such a thing,? her calm voice hinting at anger. ?Even a worthless girl like me has her honor. It was only a threat to force you into receiving my revenge.?
?What do you have planned for me??
?Death,? she answered sweetly, as if giving him a present, with sadistic amusement lit in her eyes. ?I want to kill you with my own hands and hear you scream in agony, just like how I died. In seven days, serpent against Serpent in the heart of space, we will find where we stand?me, the avenger above you, the one who deserves the justice. If not?? She threw the destruct button in the air and deftly caught it. ?Then the things that you have found will be lost.? Leaving the words hanging in the air, she turned away and returned to the cockpit, placing the helmet on her head once again.
The mobile suit started up, the heat boosters flaring up. The hot wind was so strong that it even slightly blew the stiff shock of hair that hung over Trowa?s face as he stood solitary on the ground. A large military shuttle flew overhead and the MS entered its cargo ramp. Seconds later, just as the weapon had entered, it was gone.
?Hey?? he turned to the sound of Catherine?s breathless voice, his eyebrow raised in question. She furrowed her brow worriedly, ?Are you all right??
His eyes were unreadable. ?Let?s go to the Preventers.?
Now, it?s been almost four hours since they?ve arrived at Headquarters and his sister had been relentlessly questioning him of the mysterious pilot?s appearance and of many other things. However, he didn?t give her the answers she wanted and Catherine gave up on her interrogation. With a sigh and a sad smile, she squeezed his arm and left the room to his own thoughts.
Trowa had never thought of Midii Une much since he had left her?she was just a girl he met in his path for only a fleeting moment. To him, she had fulfilled her job and went back to her home, while he had to search for his own home. Ironic that in the end, he had found what he had searched for and she had lost what she tried to protect.
He wondered now... How would he be able to fight her? He treated her just like he would treat those of his kind?the kind of people that were torn and miserable from war. His old belief ?anyone who attacks me is my enemy? was long discarded. He had learned that although they were enemy soldiers, they were human and he had slain many of them. It was the raw fact that he had to face. And after going through so much, the former soldier had lost his desire to consider anyone ?enemies? or even fight. He knew that the other Gundam pilots felt the same. But currently, with the sudden attacks, it seemed like there were people avenging against the five boys. With all they had suffered, what would they do now? The answer seemed too far to reach even for the likes of the intelligent young man.
?Trowa??
He glanced up at the call of his name and found the deep grey eyes of Catherine. Unlike the icy grey he clashed with earlier, warmth and concern radiated from those meaningful eyes. Suddenly, his mouth curved into a rare smile. How he could have been so stupid, he admonished himself. The answer was right there, in front of him. She opened her mouth to inquire him, but he unexpectedly grasped her hands and spoke.
?I?m not going to die, Catherine. I?m not going to kill her, either.?
?What do?? Trowa continued on.
?But my life of fighting will not end here. Believe in me when I say this: I will fight to protect you and I will fight to save her. Perhaps by then, I will be able to put my past to rest.? Confusion clouded her eyes, but she blinked away her questions and smiled back, just happy to see him find what he needed. There were no words to be said for now. When she embraced him, she didn?t see his small and rare smile.
~~~***~~~
When did I begin to believe in the God of Death...? So long ago...
The life monitor beeped monotonously, shrilly cutting through the stillness. Its screen dimly lit up the two faces in the darkness.
?I don?t believe in God, because I?ve never seen a miracle, but I believe in Death because I?ve seen lots of dead people!?
I hated war; I hated all this suffering and death...
Cloudy amethyst eyes watched her pale face as she breathed in small steady intervals, her chest barely rising to inhale.
?If they want war so much, why don't the people who like it fight each other and leave us alone!?
War gave birth to orphans like me.
A calloused hand grasped her limp one and lifted her palm to touch his cheek.
?It's just by chance that I'm still alive. I might as well be the one to do the dirty jobs...?
A worthless person like me should do the dirty work...but I lost what I cherished...
A tear trailed down his cheek and slid to the side of Hilde?s hand.
?Sister Helen!?
And then I realize that I didn?t believe in the God of Death?I was the God of Death, whose fingers touches those who will die.
His hand shook slightly, his fingers pressing her hand. He looked away from her, his long bangs brushing softly against the hands on his cheek.
?I run and I hide, but I never lie!?
I?ve never lied to you, but I?ve always hid these feelings inside of me, always running away from them.
Duo gently placed Hilde?s hand down and picked up the duffel bag lying on the floor at his side. The chair scraped harshly against the tiled floor as he pushed it back and stood up. He smiled as his fingers gently pushed away the tendrils of dark hair from her sleeping face.
?Goodbye, Hilde. It was nice knowing you.? He turned away to the door, his hand resting on the doorknob. He could feel his feet become lead, his heart wanting to go back. He turned the doorknob. And that was when he heard a tired and coarse voice break through his despair, one that he wanted to hear so much again.
?Duo??
He turned around, eyes wide in surprise and panic. Hilde?s midnight blue eyes blinked sleepily at him, her hand trembling to reach for him. At once, the duffel bag was left forgotten on the floor and Duo was at her side again. He scolded himself for not leaving before she woke, but inside his guilty conscience, he was grateful he didn?t. She tapped her fingers on the bed control, her eyes asking him to prop her up. He did what she wanted him to do and gently lifted her up into sitting position. She raised her head from the pillows, her mouth opening to speak more.
?Shh...? he brought a finger to her cracked lips. She lowered her eyelids and leaned back on her pillow. Her fingers closed around Duo?s hand firmly. Duo smiled with bittersweet.
She knew.
?Let me go, Hilde,? he murmured, his loving eyes pleading her.
Her response was barely heard. ?No. I?m not letting you run away...?
?It was fun being with you. For awhile, I forgot who I really am...? he chuckled a little. ?But I can?t let you get hurt anymore than you already are.?
?Don?t...don?t run away!? she snapped, her cheeks flushed in anger. He was startled. ?Why?why do you hide? Can?t you see that I don?t care about this kind of pain? Those men came after me...because of revenge.? She closed her eyes. ?Duo, you can?t escape from reality anymore. You have to face it?face penitence.?
He stuttered out, ?A-atone? I?m...I?m the God of Death. I?ve killed and people died around me. There?s no penitence for the God of Death, only death and misery.?
He was in denial.
Her gaze hardened as she ruthlessly brought him to the truth. ?You were never the God of Death. You were Duo Maxwell, a young boy who killed so many people.?
Tears flood the wide pools of violet. Years of disillusion slipped him by, leaving him suddenly bereft. He arched forward, a sob bursting from his throat. His words were a jumbled mess, a mirror to the chaos raging in his mind and soul.
?Why did so many people die? If I didn?t steal that mobile suit, I could?ve died happily along with them. If I didn?t become a stowaway in the Sweepers ship, I could?ve just been a worthless orphan. I loved life. I loved people. And I prayed to God everyday that I wouldn?t have to take another life or He wouldn?t take one either. But there was never a God, Hilde, because he never answered my prayers.?
?I...I wanted so much to have the power of life and death, so I could keep those I love from dying and those I hate from living. But as one by one, people died by my hands, and I realize I wasn?t changing anything. I was just making more orphans like me and more hatred like the one I felt. I don?t know who I am. Am I a believer of God, carrying a cross, or am I a believer of Death, carrying a scythe? How can I give back the life I stole from them?? Hilde?s eyes softened in sympathy. She cradled his head in her lap, stroking the long brown strands of his hair.
She had only one word as the answer. ?Live.?
He looked up at her, puzzled. ?What??
?Live,? the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile. ?For those who died, keep on living. As you continue to live, atone by giving back life. God of Death was never with me. Only you, the person I?ve loved. So don?t run away?from these realities and truths, from me, and from yourself.?
?I...? He closed his eyes.
The truth is painful. But it is the time for me to find it. That?s the only path I can take now. To rest these demons in me, to be with her, and to wake up from this peaceful dream, only to realize that it was real after all.
?I won?t run away.? With much effort, he grinned shakily.
Hilde smiled wider. ?Just remember...that I?ll always be with you. You?ve protected me before.? She hugged him closer to her chest, a tear slipping down her cheek as she whispered the promise into the night.
?Let me protect you now.?
~~~***~~~
The coffee was black and strong, the steam rising out of the mug to swirl in the cold air. Relena leaned her head down to the hot mug, basking in the warm, comforting mist. With her eyes closed, she felt the quiet blanket over her as she waited on the black couch. Her Arabian friend tapped his finger steadily on the desk, the ever-present anxiety on his face.
?Where could he be?? Quatre asked, frowning.
?He?ll be here. Don?t worry, Quatre.? She smiled slightly. ?At least he didn?t catch us on the way back.?
?Still, we haven?t seen him for five hours. It?s past nine now.? He brought a hand over his eyes. ?Miss Relena, earlier at the hospital, my Heart of Space was in pain. I haven?t felt that since the time of war. Something?s terribly wrong...I can feel it.?
Before Relena could express her concern, the door clicked open. It was Heero. A breath got caught in her throat as she saw him, alarmed at the sight. He slumped forward in defeat, his Prussian blue eyes dull and lifeless. True to Quatre?s words, she admitted to herself reluctantly, something had happened. As she slowly stood up from her seat, he stumbled in.
?He?? Quatre began, but Relena?s small hand gesture stopped him. She glanced at him briefly and slightly shook her head. Heero tripped and almost fell as he reached her, but with swift grace, Relena caught him. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern when she noticed a line of crimson on the side of his face. With Quatre?s help, she had him sit on the black leather couch. She reached for a tissue box and with a jumble of the soft paper in a hand, she gently dabbed the blood away from his pale cheek.
?Wha...Yu...? he murmured something incoherent.
?Heero?? she questioned softly, as she leaned closer to decipher what he was saying.
?What...do I do, Yukino?? His eyes were blank and lifeless, the usual intensity and strength in the Prussian blue all lost. Frowning, she gently laid him across the couch and closed his eyes.
She took Heero?s hand in hers, her azure eyes clouded with sadness. ?It?s not over yet, isn?t it?? Quatre silently stood by, his eyes cast down to the floor. They knew the answer.
No, it wasn?t over. In fact, it had only begun.
The image of a defeated Heero was more than Quatre could bear. While Quatre led the Gundam pilots in battle, it was Heero who taught them. He was the perfect image of an honorable soldier, never doubting his power and decisions. The former Sandrock pilot looked up to the Perfect Soldier, and to see him so overcome was like seeing no hope at all.
?Quatre, could you leave the office?? Her voice broke through his thoughts and he looked up at her, startled. Then, he smiled gratefully. He wanted very much to leave the room.
?Sure. I?m going to go get some coffee then.?
?Thank you.? He was in the middle of turning the knob when he paused in mid-thought. He realized suddenly.
Heero?s hope lied within Relena.
He locked gazes with Relena and an understanding that needed no words passed between the two of them. She made a nod and he let out a relieved sigh. With a hopeful smile, he opened the door and stepped out of the room, leaving the two in their solitude and solace.
~~~***~~~
Walking numbly forward in the carnage and burnt remains of a city, Heero kept on questioning himself, his eyes staring dully at the gun that was gripped so tightly in his hand. He said he would not have to kill anymore...but now, he has to take up arms against a person he had no desire to fight with.
He hated it.
No, he hated himself for being so confused and lost.
Carrying the name of the famous old peacemaker, Heero had a strong sense of direction and goal. For a boy who had no identity, it was a great gift and responsibility at the same time. He knew where he would go and would stop at nothing to get there, and had succeeded. He had no regrets of ending the war, and he by then had gained an appreciation for his life. He was capable of leading his own life, free from war.
But the appearance of Akito Asayuki further opened the door to uncertainties. He has helped the universe gain peace, but he had taken life in compensation. His beliefs and his feelings conflicted with each other; his beliefs told him to live and on the other hand, he felt he had an obligation to receive death from Akito.
In the midst of his thoughts, he tripped on an object and almost fell over if he hadn?t had the soldier?s grace to steady himself. He turned his head to glance at the intruding object, but his eyes widened, aghast to find a very familiar teddy bear lodged in the snow. Yet he couldn?t bring himself to pick up the stuffed animal. It was a symbol of peace and he was far from the right to have it. He was covered in blood and he held the symbol of death, a black gun. A shadow, once again, appeared in his line of vision and he glanced up. Strands of golden hair brushed his cheek as soft as silk as she passed him by, her slender figure pale and bright in the dim surroundings. His eyes followed her graceful footsteps, murmuring more to himself than her.
?Relena?? He began to chase after her, his hand reached out to touch her shoulder. ?What are you doing here? Relena!? When he finally caught her attention, she turned around and revealed to be...Yukino. He stumbled back as Yukino?s cold stare struck him ruthlessly.
?Yukino!? he sat up from the couch, panting hard as he returned back to reality. He must be going mad to hallucinate so much. Yukino?s phantom haunted him everywhere now.
What do you want me to do? He asked her. Nothing came out of the question.
?Heero??
He felt her hand warm his and turned to look at her. Her eyes were questioning him, confused and melancholy. But he couldn?t tell her, not now. There was no use in giving her the weight of his pain because she didn?t deserve it.
?I...? He wanted to say that he was okay, but those words died away in his throat. She wouldn?t believe it. Sighing, he slumped down on the couch, staring at the white ceiling with unseeing eyes.
That blank look in his eyes pained Relena, but she gathered strength within herself. Questions filled her mind, but she held them back. What he needed was comfort to his haunted dreams and a smile. There was time for him to tell her later. For now, let him rest.
And let me be with you... she silently added.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Stretches arms wide* Whew...that was a long one, everyone. It took me two weeks to edit, and that was without my beta-reader. I decided to post it up on a couple reasons, being 1) my beta-reader is incredibly busy nowadays and I didn?t want to bug her 2) After the completion of You Only Came, I was terribly behind 3) I?ve edited this part so many times that I?m anxious to publish it.
For anyone who's curious, those quotes in the Duo/Hilde section were actually a translation from Duo's part in Episode Zero. I give credit to Gundamwing.net for the translation.
So there you have it, folks. Please kindly review and tell me what you felt about this part. I was quite attached to this chapter.
As for the reviewers of Prologue and Chapter 1, I?m glad to receive such positive feedback. The next few chapters will die down, so there won?t be much action scenes until chapter seven and eight. To make you the readers ponder a bit, think about theme of this story. ^_^ I felt a lot to write about this particular theme.
Fierysable - ^^;; Gomen for posting without your beta-reading. I just couldn?t wait. Don?t worry though; I?ll need your help in the later chapters, especially the action scenes.
The Black Rose ? Ha! I passed the cursed Chapter 1! ^_^ I remember that I stopped at Chapter 1 for the original version. But I got this one through! Yay!
Besides, your writing style is pretty cool. 