Losing Grip: Papercut
Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2003 1:20 pm
Losing Grip: Papercut
By: Engrish Spy
Rating R
Notes: This takes place in between chapter two and three. First Person and it seems crazy at first but remember you are in the mind of a crazy person.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.
It?s so cold. Why is it so cold? Why do I feel like I should not be here? Why do I fear the darkness? Why do I fear me? Why do I fear him?
Too dark, too cold, too forgetful. Trip, I trip and fall. I try to get up but a heavy weight keeps me down. What is stopping me? Why am I trapped? I want my mother. I want my brother. I want him. Who is him?
Who is this man who haunts my dream? No their not dreams there more like nightmares. Nightmares which are too bright to be considered nightmares but scare me none the less.
Scar?s, he left marks. I ask again who he is. No replies. I am pulled even father into the heavy darkness. I am lost. I am troubled. I am not the person I used to be. Who was me? Who am I?
----------------------------------------
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here?s not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia?s all I got left
I don?t know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed / but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It?s like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it?s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me / right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
He is watching me. Again who is he? What does he want with me? Why does he watch me? Why does he make me feel dirty? Why is he sad? Nobody should be sad. I?m not sad, or am I?
Fight. Why? I do not know. I do not fight. I have not been able to fight in so long. I never felt the need to fight. I give up to easy. Did I ever fight in my life? Why do I have to be this way? I feel forgetful and lost. I am so lost.
Cold, lost, tired, upset and sad. I am not sad. Yes I am. What do I know any ways. Feelings are meaningless to me and to him. Who is him? How should I know? I only know that I am dead.
Cold, lost, tired, upset, sad and dead. I am dead. I am an empty shell. I have no life. I am that shell. I have no body. I have no soul.
----------------------------------------
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
Fighting. I hear fighting. What is it about? I hear something, but what is it. I have no clue what to do. Cold, dark, lost.
What do you want? I want what you want? What is that? It is him? Who is him? Who is him? He is your creator? Do you mean God? No I mean the person who created me? Who are you? I do not know myself? What do you mean you do not know who you are? Do you even know who you are? No but that is not the point? It is a point that should be made. I do not know what you are talking about? LEAVE ME ALONE.
Do you want a name? NO! I will give you a name. My name is GWEN! I saw blood after that.
----------------------------------------
I know I?ve got a face in me
points out all the mistakes to me
You?ve got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia?s probably worse
I don?t know what set me off first but I know what I can?t stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can?t add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it?s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin
----------------------------------------
I killed her; I killed the thing inside my head. Why am I still her? Wait what is that. It looks to be an angel. Yes an angel. Yes I think I should call him Satarel. The keeper of untold knowledge, but I can only speak in French. He will be my silent angel of the night. He might be able to unlock this gate.
She giggles. Why does she giggle? I would never giggle. Giggling is for the week. I am not week. I am strong. Then why are you still here? If you had the power to be strong why can you not escape this personal hell you have created?
This is not hell this is my sanctuary. I am queen here. I am me. Then what is me? I am a person. No you are only a husk for a soul. I am me.
----------------------------------------
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
Why do you hate me? I do not hate you, you hate yourself. What do you mean by that? I mean that you love too much that it disgusts you. You are disgusted by the fact that you can love a man so much that you would let him rape you. What do you mean? You are a whore. You are a dirty little whore. You are his dirty little whore. You like being his whore. You crave this feeling that he gives you. It gives you his undivided attention in a sick twisted way. No, no, no, no, no, NO!
----------------------------------------
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
Why do I need him so? Why does he haunt me? Who is he? I tell him stories, and cuddle with him. He reminds me of my father. He is warm, so warm. He talks to me when I?m not awake. Again who is he? He smells of warm electricity and oil. Smells that remind me of space. Smells that remind me of him. Who is he? Why do I feel the need to cry? I will never cry again. I will never feel sad again. I will never smile. I need to take care of myself and only myself. I will only fight for me and me alone. I am alone in this world.
----------------------------------------
The face inside is right beneath my skin
the face inside is right beneath my skin
the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
There is no sun in my world.
-- Relena I?m asking you as a friend.
There was no joy in my world.
-- So how was your day?
Why did he haunt me?
-- What?s it like to be a woman?
Why did I have to love him?
-- I need to know if I look as if I could seduce you.
Why did he not love me?
-- Do I frighten you?
Yes you do, you frighten me whoever you are.
----------------------------------------
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
----------------------------------------
Never was a fighter, never was a lover, and never was anything at all. I am nobody. I am worthless. I am a sad excuse.
?I like a good book, and a hot bath. I like big fluffy dogs and curling up near a fire on a cold winter day. I like to ride a horse and jump the gate even though I know it?s dangerous. I like daisies and roses. I love the colour blue. I love pasta and Thai. I have one brother, a sister in law and a little niece that is cute as a button. I want to get married in a church in a long white gown to the man who will treat me like a princess. Not like I was the queen of the world, a man who would treasure my thoughts and love me unconditionally for the rest of my life. And I would return that love to the best of my ability. ?
Did I say this? Did I tell him my inner most secrets. Why did I tell him? What is this from?
----------------------------------------
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
----------------------------------------
I finally can feel. I hurt. My heart feels shattered yet there is still a child. A child that will not hide and let me through. I am still trapped, I feel trapped. I want to be free. I need to be free. Staying in here will only allow me to remember and I do not want that. I wish to be free, free of him. Who is him?
----------------------------------------
The sun
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I feel the light betray me
----------------------------------------
The child asked him his name. As he spoke he looked me in the eyes. He said I knew it. The way he said it triggered something. Triggered something that I knew. I knew I had one name on the tip of my mind as he looked at me. I knew who he was now and I did not want him near me. He caused me pain. I wanted to be free but it was not him who I wanted to free me. I hate you Heero Yuy.
----------------------------------------
The sun
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
I feel the light betray me
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
----------------------------------------
By: Engrish Spy
Rating R
Notes: This takes place in between chapter two and three. First Person and it seems crazy at first but remember you are in the mind of a crazy person.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.
It?s so cold. Why is it so cold? Why do I feel like I should not be here? Why do I fear the darkness? Why do I fear me? Why do I fear him?
Too dark, too cold, too forgetful. Trip, I trip and fall. I try to get up but a heavy weight keeps me down. What is stopping me? Why am I trapped? I want my mother. I want my brother. I want him. Who is him?
Who is this man who haunts my dream? No their not dreams there more like nightmares. Nightmares which are too bright to be considered nightmares but scare me none the less.
Scar?s, he left marks. I ask again who he is. No replies. I am pulled even father into the heavy darkness. I am lost. I am troubled. I am not the person I used to be. Who was me? Who am I?
----------------------------------------
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here?s not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia?s all I got left
I don?t know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed / but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It?s like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it?s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me / right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
He is watching me. Again who is he? What does he want with me? Why does he watch me? Why does he make me feel dirty? Why is he sad? Nobody should be sad. I?m not sad, or am I?
Fight. Why? I do not know. I do not fight. I have not been able to fight in so long. I never felt the need to fight. I give up to easy. Did I ever fight in my life? Why do I have to be this way? I feel forgetful and lost. I am so lost.
Cold, lost, tired, upset and sad. I am not sad. Yes I am. What do I know any ways. Feelings are meaningless to me and to him. Who is him? How should I know? I only know that I am dead.
Cold, lost, tired, upset, sad and dead. I am dead. I am an empty shell. I have no life. I am that shell. I have no body. I have no soul.
----------------------------------------
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
Fighting. I hear fighting. What is it about? I hear something, but what is it. I have no clue what to do. Cold, dark, lost.
What do you want? I want what you want? What is that? It is him? Who is him? Who is him? He is your creator? Do you mean God? No I mean the person who created me? Who are you? I do not know myself? What do you mean you do not know who you are? Do you even know who you are? No but that is not the point? It is a point that should be made. I do not know what you are talking about? LEAVE ME ALONE.
Do you want a name? NO! I will give you a name. My name is GWEN! I saw blood after that.
----------------------------------------
I know I?ve got a face in me
points out all the mistakes to me
You?ve got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia?s probably worse
I don?t know what set me off first but I know what I can?t stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can?t add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it?s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin
----------------------------------------
I killed her; I killed the thing inside my head. Why am I still her? Wait what is that. It looks to be an angel. Yes an angel. Yes I think I should call him Satarel. The keeper of untold knowledge, but I can only speak in French. He will be my silent angel of the night. He might be able to unlock this gate.
She giggles. Why does she giggle? I would never giggle. Giggling is for the week. I am not week. I am strong. Then why are you still here? If you had the power to be strong why can you not escape this personal hell you have created?
This is not hell this is my sanctuary. I am queen here. I am me. Then what is me? I am a person. No you are only a husk for a soul. I am me.
----------------------------------------
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
Why do you hate me? I do not hate you, you hate yourself. What do you mean by that? I mean that you love too much that it disgusts you. You are disgusted by the fact that you can love a man so much that you would let him rape you. What do you mean? You are a whore. You are a dirty little whore. You are his dirty little whore. You like being his whore. You crave this feeling that he gives you. It gives you his undivided attention in a sick twisted way. No, no, no, no, no, NO!
----------------------------------------
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
Why do I need him so? Why does he haunt me? Who is he? I tell him stories, and cuddle with him. He reminds me of my father. He is warm, so warm. He talks to me when I?m not awake. Again who is he? He smells of warm electricity and oil. Smells that remind me of space. Smells that remind me of him. Who is he? Why do I feel the need to cry? I will never cry again. I will never feel sad again. I will never smile. I need to take care of myself and only myself. I will only fight for me and me alone. I am alone in this world.
----------------------------------------
The face inside is right beneath my skin
the face inside is right beneath my skin
the face inside is right beneath my skin
----------------------------------------
There is no sun in my world.
-- Relena I?m asking you as a friend.
There was no joy in my world.
-- So how was your day?
Why did he haunt me?
-- What?s it like to be a woman?
Why did I have to love him?
-- I need to know if I look as if I could seduce you.
Why did he not love me?
-- Do I frighten you?
Yes you do, you frighten me whoever you are.
----------------------------------------
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
----------------------------------------
Never was a fighter, never was a lover, and never was anything at all. I am nobody. I am worthless. I am a sad excuse.
?I like a good book, and a hot bath. I like big fluffy dogs and curling up near a fire on a cold winter day. I like to ride a horse and jump the gate even though I know it?s dangerous. I like daisies and roses. I love the colour blue. I love pasta and Thai. I have one brother, a sister in law and a little niece that is cute as a button. I want to get married in a church in a long white gown to the man who will treat me like a princess. Not like I was the queen of the world, a man who would treasure my thoughts and love me unconditionally for the rest of my life. And I would return that love to the best of my ability. ?
Did I say this? Did I tell him my inner most secrets. Why did I tell him? What is this from?
----------------------------------------
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
----------------------------------------
I finally can feel. I hurt. My heart feels shattered yet there is still a child. A child that will not hide and let me through. I am still trapped, I feel trapped. I want to be free. I need to be free. Staying in here will only allow me to remember and I do not want that. I wish to be free, free of him. Who is him?
----------------------------------------
The sun
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I feel the light betray me
----------------------------------------
The child asked him his name. As he spoke he looked me in the eyes. He said I knew it. The way he said it triggered something. Triggered something that I knew. I knew I had one name on the tip of my mind as he looked at me. I knew who he was now and I did not want him near me. He caused me pain. I wanted to be free but it was not him who I wanted to free me. I hate you Heero Yuy.
----------------------------------------
The sun
It?s like I?m / paranoid lookin? over my back
It?s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
I feel the light betray me
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
It?s like I / can?t stop what I?m hearing within
----------------------------------------
