Cowboy Bebop: Living a Dream-- Prologue
Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2003 1:19 am
Uh...I saw the series and knew I had to let Faye get in a little more time...she's too young to be abandoned at the end of a series...and Jet as well...he's too awkward and nice to let go of...(heehee).
Living a Dream
Prologue: Mourning a Cowboy
By Sabriel Aerran
He had talked of his own past very little. I think he preferred to forget it. Perhaps that is what brought us together. We weren?t really living. Not REALLY.
He still lived in the past, and me...I searched for mine. The time we all spent together was a dream...a nightmare... we would never awake from.
That was what made him so indestructible.
He taught me so much; so much about giving. How many people had he reached out to in his lifetime...and...why?
Why would anyone want to take that risk? The risk of getting hurt by someone else...because you were stupid enough to trust them with your life...your heart...your soul...?
He never told me...and I don?t have any answers...not really...
All I know is...I was cared for. Maybe it was one brief moment, but it was MY moment...and now it?s faded in the recesses of my memories...heh, what little ones I have left...
God, what a mess.
Jet can?t get over it. He just stands there, staring out at the stars...I think Jet loved Spike far more than I ever could.
The most horrible thing about all this is that...I feel...so helpless...
Should I have interfered? Would that have helped? Could I have saved them both?
Shouldn?t I be dead too? I cheated death once...a long time ago...
Oh, man. My face is numb now, the many tears I?ve cried burning out the feeling in my cheeks. And no matter how much I cry, it won?t bring him back.
Is this what he felt like, watching Julia die?
Somehow, I don?t believe my small love for him could ever compare to his...unfathomable love for her. Especially since I only realized that I loved him in that moment.
In MY moment.
No.
It isn?t the same.
That?s why it should have been me.
Not Julia.
Not Spike.
Me.
The only one who was already dead to begin with.
Me...
Now I?m alone...
As alone as I was before....
I remember a movie I once watched when I was very young. A movie about a girl who was swept up in a tornado and flew over a rainbow into a colorful land called Oz because she dreamed of finding a place where she better belonged; a place of dreams. A home.
That girl is me. I am that girl. I went in search of my home as well. I looked for my family....
Never realized I?d been with them the whole time. Edd, Jet,...Spike...even Ein. I?d been living with my family for so long and never saw them.
I traveled to my own Oz, a place as foreign as my dreams. Earth. The home I had long thought lost. When I finally reached my destination, I had simply traveled in a circle of empty conclusions...and I reacted just as the young girl did. All I wanted was to get back to my family. To see the people who had made for me a new home...
Only, when I clicked the heels of my ruby slippers, I found that the family I had lived with was gone, dead, or lost in grief.
I was so naive to think it would all end happily. I was weak to give in to my girlish hope...
And I just can?t believe they?re gone...
I wish...but wishing is for dreamers. And I have no dreams left. They died with him...
Just as I awoke.
********************
Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop is not mine (gosh-dan'git!)
Living a Dream
Prologue: Mourning a Cowboy
By Sabriel Aerran
He had talked of his own past very little. I think he preferred to forget it. Perhaps that is what brought us together. We weren?t really living. Not REALLY.
He still lived in the past, and me...I searched for mine. The time we all spent together was a dream...a nightmare... we would never awake from.
That was what made him so indestructible.
He taught me so much; so much about giving. How many people had he reached out to in his lifetime...and...why?
Why would anyone want to take that risk? The risk of getting hurt by someone else...because you were stupid enough to trust them with your life...your heart...your soul...?
He never told me...and I don?t have any answers...not really...
All I know is...I was cared for. Maybe it was one brief moment, but it was MY moment...and now it?s faded in the recesses of my memories...heh, what little ones I have left...
God, what a mess.
Jet can?t get over it. He just stands there, staring out at the stars...I think Jet loved Spike far more than I ever could.
The most horrible thing about all this is that...I feel...so helpless...
Should I have interfered? Would that have helped? Could I have saved them both?
Shouldn?t I be dead too? I cheated death once...a long time ago...
Oh, man. My face is numb now, the many tears I?ve cried burning out the feeling in my cheeks. And no matter how much I cry, it won?t bring him back.
Is this what he felt like, watching Julia die?
Somehow, I don?t believe my small love for him could ever compare to his...unfathomable love for her. Especially since I only realized that I loved him in that moment.
In MY moment.
No.
It isn?t the same.
That?s why it should have been me.
Not Julia.
Not Spike.
Me.
The only one who was already dead to begin with.
Me...
Now I?m alone...
As alone as I was before....
I remember a movie I once watched when I was very young. A movie about a girl who was swept up in a tornado and flew over a rainbow into a colorful land called Oz because she dreamed of finding a place where she better belonged; a place of dreams. A home.
That girl is me. I am that girl. I went in search of my home as well. I looked for my family....
Never realized I?d been with them the whole time. Edd, Jet,...Spike...even Ein. I?d been living with my family for so long and never saw them.
I traveled to my own Oz, a place as foreign as my dreams. Earth. The home I had long thought lost. When I finally reached my destination, I had simply traveled in a circle of empty conclusions...and I reacted just as the young girl did. All I wanted was to get back to my family. To see the people who had made for me a new home...
Only, when I clicked the heels of my ruby slippers, I found that the family I had lived with was gone, dead, or lost in grief.
I was so naive to think it would all end happily. I was weak to give in to my girlish hope...
And I just can?t believe they?re gone...
I wish...but wishing is for dreamers. And I have no dreams left. They died with him...
Just as I awoke.
********************
Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop is not mine (gosh-dan'git!)
