[One-Shot ~ PG-13] Alternative Means
Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:01 pm
Title: Alternative Means
Continuity: Figurative Brotherhood
Length: One-shot
Pairings: 1xR
Prompt: None
Teaser: "You sound like a bad infomercial."
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5227951/13/ ... rotherhood
Disclaimer: GW = not mine.
Author's Note: All right, so this is a bit of a controversial topic so I really hope no one finds it offensive. From the moment I decided to write this, I was worried about the reaction, especially from male readers. Hoping this turns out ok. It's also a bit more serious than the rest of this one-shot series but I kept it as light as I could.
Figurative Brotherhood
by mistress amethyst une
Alternative Means
Brotection?When a Bro supplies another Bro with birth control.
--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 194
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a small token of appreciation from the Winner Conglomerate, a product their pharmaceutical companies had been working on for well over a decade.
"Consider this our thanks for helping us with the 'cougar' situation," grinned Quatre, obviously pleased with himself as he placed the pill bottle on Heero's desk. "We're thinking of marketing this to Preventer once it's finally patented. It comes in shots and pills. The shots are long-term, lasting a span of ninety days. The pills are a one for one deal."
Heero gave Quatre a confused stare.
"What does this have to do with me?" asked Heero, picking up the bottle to read the label.
"Miss Relena's on the pill, isn't she?"
"Hn."
"And if she doesn't take it everyday, it doesn't work, does it?"
"Hn."
"Side effects?"
"Sometimes, she gets nauseous," replied Heero, unable to make heads or tails of the label. There was nothing on the bottle to indicate its contents except the drug's name. What the heck was Preventol?
"And she tends to get moody," continued Heero, pausing to consider his answer as he wondered why Quatre would ask him such ridiculous questions. "I..."
The topic wasn't one Heero had ever imagined himself discussing, let alone with Quatre. Still, it seemed he had a captive audience that didn't intend on going anywhere anytime soon. He might as well finish what he started.
"I told her I wasn't opposed to wearing a condom," Heero bit out, finding that each word slipped out with relative difficulty. "She's- Well, she's- She doesn't like inconveniencing me. She likes doing things her way whenever she can even when it adversely affects her."
Heero took a deep breath, glad to have finished his sentences. It wasn't often that he found himself at a loss for words.
"You're holding the solution to that," beamed Quatre. "Just one dose six hours before the act and no more need for her to take that pill!"
"You sound like a bad infomercial."
"I'm rehearsing my sales pitch to Marshal Une," he shrugged.
"Your sales pitch for what? A birth control pill? And how am I solving Relena's pill problem by having her switch to your brand? It's just another pill. That doesn't seem-"
"It's not for her," said Quatre, pausing for a bit for dramatic effect. "It's for you."
"What?"
"It's engineered with male body chemistry in mind. Based on our tests, there are no side effects. It's a real breakthrough. Actually, I've tried it myself. It works well."
"Your idea of a good thank you gift is male birth control?" spat Heero, feeling a strange mix of annoyance and complete befuddlement.
"My idea of a good gift is solving a problem for you," replied Quatre, that well-meaning smile plastered on his face. "You want to help Miss Relena, don't you? This is one way of doing that. Dorothy told me to give you this option. Relena's never going to tell you about her problems on her own."
"Problems?"
"The nausea you mentioned," he sighed. "Dorothy will probably have my head on a silver platter for telling you this but..."
"But?"
"Miss Relena hasn't been well of late. She threw up on Dorothy during one of their lunches. I'm not blaming the drug but the amount of stress she's under makes it tough for her to deal with side effects."
Heero was mortified. How could Relena put herself through that and not tell him?
"She didn't want to worry you," continued Quatre, filling the uncomfortable silence as he observed the look of horror on his friend's face. "You know how she is. Anyway, Dorothy's having her warm up to the idea of having you taking Preventol. Miss Relena's the sort of woman who likes solving her own problems so I suggest you wait until she brings it up with you."
"Make her think it's her own idea?"
"Precisely."
"How are you sure she'll buy into this?" asked Heero, his tone doing nothing to hide his doubt.
"Dorothy's very convincing."
"Hn."
"Anyway, I'll leave the Preventol with you. Taking it is easy enough. One pill six hours befor the act. I'm sure you can handle this, Heero. I have to go in awhile so anything else you want to say?"
Heero couldn't help but ask then. The question had been tugging at him ever since Relena's nausea had been brought up.
"When she threw up... Do you think- Could it have been something else? Not a side effect but a failure of her birth control methods?"
"You're wondering if she could be pregnant?"
Heero nodded. Quatre noted that his beads of sweat were beginning to form on the perfect soldier's brow. Talk about being in the hot seat...
"She's not," Quatre reassured him. "That was the first thing on Dorothy's mind after the vomiting incident. She bought Miss Relena a pregnancy test and the results were negative."
Heero heaved a sigh of relief, and immediately regretted it. Quatre gave him an appraising look, the kind that made you think he knew exactly what was on your mind.
"From what Dorothy told me, Miss Relena was relieved, too. No need to feel guilty. We're all young, and there's plenty of time for children later."
Damned empath.
"Anyway, I really should be going," declared Quatre, frowning as he observed the time on his watch. "I have half an hour before the pill kicks in, and Dorothy doesn't like to be kept waiting a second longer than necessary. Good luck, Heero."
"Hn," he grunted as Quatre walked out the door, leaving him alone with the Preventol.
Heero picked up the bottle, looking at the label but no longer really seeing it. Relena had made herself ill for his sake, felt the stress of a pregnancy scare while he remained oblivious. She protected him from her own anguish even when he had made it his purpose to protect her. Why?
A knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. Her voice called out to him...
"Heero?"
He quickly tucked the Preventol away in his desk drawer.
"Come in."
She entered his office, looking mildly apprehensive as she took her seat before him.
"I have something to ask you," she said, a slight blush coloring her cheeks as she spoke. "It's all right if you refuse. I would understand. I mean-"
He didn't really hear or understand the rest of what she mumbled. He didn't need to. It was then that he knew for sure that he would do anything for her. Anything she asked. The woman he loved put everyone else above herself. It was only right that she have at least one person willing to go above and beyond for her.
He caught the tail end of her short speech, knowing she had probably spent hours rehearsing what she had just told him.
"...and I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk to Quatre about that product. Again, it's all right if you don't think it's a viable option. I also have my doubts and-"
"I'll talk to Quatre."
"Are you sure?" she asked, surprised by the conviction in his answer.
"It sounds promising. I don't see why not."
For the first time since she entered his office, she smiled.
"I should probably tell you the specifics then," she sighed. "Dorothy has Quatre use it, and she said it doesn't affect performance at all. You take it six-"
Heero sat through her entire explanation, a slight smile on his face as he feigned ignorance and calculated what time was exactly six hours before the start of his afternoon break.
===============================================
One-shot done.
And on an additional note, in Star Trek fanon, part of the medical package is birth control for both males and females. It comes in the form of shots that render them infertile for a certain period of time. It prevents unwanted pregnancies that would interfere with an extended service term. Process is completely reversible should the individual decide s/he wants kids. The way I see it, if it's good enough for Starfleet, it's good enough for Preventer.
Continuity: Figurative Brotherhood
Length: One-shot
Pairings: 1xR
Prompt: None
Teaser: "You sound like a bad infomercial."
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5227951/13/ ... rotherhood
Disclaimer: GW = not mine.
Author's Note: All right, so this is a bit of a controversial topic so I really hope no one finds it offensive. From the moment I decided to write this, I was worried about the reaction, especially from male readers. Hoping this turns out ok. It's also a bit more serious than the rest of this one-shot series but I kept it as light as I could.
Figurative Brotherhood
by mistress amethyst une
Alternative Means
Brotection?When a Bro supplies another Bro with birth control.
--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 194
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a small token of appreciation from the Winner Conglomerate, a product their pharmaceutical companies had been working on for well over a decade.
"Consider this our thanks for helping us with the 'cougar' situation," grinned Quatre, obviously pleased with himself as he placed the pill bottle on Heero's desk. "We're thinking of marketing this to Preventer once it's finally patented. It comes in shots and pills. The shots are long-term, lasting a span of ninety days. The pills are a one for one deal."
Heero gave Quatre a confused stare.
"What does this have to do with me?" asked Heero, picking up the bottle to read the label.
"Miss Relena's on the pill, isn't she?"
"Hn."
"And if she doesn't take it everyday, it doesn't work, does it?"
"Hn."
"Side effects?"
"Sometimes, she gets nauseous," replied Heero, unable to make heads or tails of the label. There was nothing on the bottle to indicate its contents except the drug's name. What the heck was Preventol?
"And she tends to get moody," continued Heero, pausing to consider his answer as he wondered why Quatre would ask him such ridiculous questions. "I..."
The topic wasn't one Heero had ever imagined himself discussing, let alone with Quatre. Still, it seemed he had a captive audience that didn't intend on going anywhere anytime soon. He might as well finish what he started.
"I told her I wasn't opposed to wearing a condom," Heero bit out, finding that each word slipped out with relative difficulty. "She's- Well, she's- She doesn't like inconveniencing me. She likes doing things her way whenever she can even when it adversely affects her."
Heero took a deep breath, glad to have finished his sentences. It wasn't often that he found himself at a loss for words.
"You're holding the solution to that," beamed Quatre. "Just one dose six hours before the act and no more need for her to take that pill!"
"You sound like a bad infomercial."
"I'm rehearsing my sales pitch to Marshal Une," he shrugged.
"Your sales pitch for what? A birth control pill? And how am I solving Relena's pill problem by having her switch to your brand? It's just another pill. That doesn't seem-"
"It's not for her," said Quatre, pausing for a bit for dramatic effect. "It's for you."
"What?"
"It's engineered with male body chemistry in mind. Based on our tests, there are no side effects. It's a real breakthrough. Actually, I've tried it myself. It works well."
"Your idea of a good thank you gift is male birth control?" spat Heero, feeling a strange mix of annoyance and complete befuddlement.
"My idea of a good gift is solving a problem for you," replied Quatre, that well-meaning smile plastered on his face. "You want to help Miss Relena, don't you? This is one way of doing that. Dorothy told me to give you this option. Relena's never going to tell you about her problems on her own."
"Problems?"
"The nausea you mentioned," he sighed. "Dorothy will probably have my head on a silver platter for telling you this but..."
"But?"
"Miss Relena hasn't been well of late. She threw up on Dorothy during one of their lunches. I'm not blaming the drug but the amount of stress she's under makes it tough for her to deal with side effects."
Heero was mortified. How could Relena put herself through that and not tell him?
"She didn't want to worry you," continued Quatre, filling the uncomfortable silence as he observed the look of horror on his friend's face. "You know how she is. Anyway, Dorothy's having her warm up to the idea of having you taking Preventol. Miss Relena's the sort of woman who likes solving her own problems so I suggest you wait until she brings it up with you."
"Make her think it's her own idea?"
"Precisely."
"How are you sure she'll buy into this?" asked Heero, his tone doing nothing to hide his doubt.
"Dorothy's very convincing."
"Hn."
"Anyway, I'll leave the Preventol with you. Taking it is easy enough. One pill six hours befor the act. I'm sure you can handle this, Heero. I have to go in awhile so anything else you want to say?"
Heero couldn't help but ask then. The question had been tugging at him ever since Relena's nausea had been brought up.
"When she threw up... Do you think- Could it have been something else? Not a side effect but a failure of her birth control methods?"
"You're wondering if she could be pregnant?"
Heero nodded. Quatre noted that his beads of sweat were beginning to form on the perfect soldier's brow. Talk about being in the hot seat...
"She's not," Quatre reassured him. "That was the first thing on Dorothy's mind after the vomiting incident. She bought Miss Relena a pregnancy test and the results were negative."
Heero heaved a sigh of relief, and immediately regretted it. Quatre gave him an appraising look, the kind that made you think he knew exactly what was on your mind.
"From what Dorothy told me, Miss Relena was relieved, too. No need to feel guilty. We're all young, and there's plenty of time for children later."
Damned empath.
"Anyway, I really should be going," declared Quatre, frowning as he observed the time on his watch. "I have half an hour before the pill kicks in, and Dorothy doesn't like to be kept waiting a second longer than necessary. Good luck, Heero."
"Hn," he grunted as Quatre walked out the door, leaving him alone with the Preventol.
Heero picked up the bottle, looking at the label but no longer really seeing it. Relena had made herself ill for his sake, felt the stress of a pregnancy scare while he remained oblivious. She protected him from her own anguish even when he had made it his purpose to protect her. Why?
A knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. Her voice called out to him...
"Heero?"
He quickly tucked the Preventol away in his desk drawer.
"Come in."
She entered his office, looking mildly apprehensive as she took her seat before him.
"I have something to ask you," she said, a slight blush coloring her cheeks as she spoke. "It's all right if you refuse. I would understand. I mean-"
He didn't really hear or understand the rest of what she mumbled. He didn't need to. It was then that he knew for sure that he would do anything for her. Anything she asked. The woman he loved put everyone else above herself. It was only right that she have at least one person willing to go above and beyond for her.
He caught the tail end of her short speech, knowing she had probably spent hours rehearsing what she had just told him.
"...and I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk to Quatre about that product. Again, it's all right if you don't think it's a viable option. I also have my doubts and-"
"I'll talk to Quatre."
"Are you sure?" she asked, surprised by the conviction in his answer.
"It sounds promising. I don't see why not."
For the first time since she entered his office, she smiled.
"I should probably tell you the specifics then," she sighed. "Dorothy has Quatre use it, and she said it doesn't affect performance at all. You take it six-"
Heero sat through her entire explanation, a slight smile on his face as he feigned ignorance and calculated what time was exactly six hours before the start of his afternoon break.
===============================================
One-shot done.
And on an additional note, in Star Trek fanon, part of the medical package is birth control for both males and females. It comes in the form of shots that render them infertile for a certain period of time. It prevents unwanted pregnancies that would interfere with an extended service term. Process is completely reversible should the individual decide s/he wants kids. The way I see it, if it's good enough for Starfleet, it's good enough for Preventer.
