Ask Heero (A Real Advice Column)

[wicked]

Gun over spoon. But I like sharp pointy objects. A lot. But I suppose if a kid can get arrested for having even a toy gun that looks real, a gun with bullets shouldn't be too hard to get ahold of. Did I say with? Oh silly me, I meant without. Really.

Miroku, I know all about the goat story. My sister wrote it, the freak. I mean look what kind of questions she bothers Heero with!! I don't know where she gets it. Honestly.

And sis, the duck never got ran over by anyone. It, with the help of it's two fellow hissing gang members ran over the elephant with a tricycle!! And all the while the chicken watched, taking notes.

Heero, forget about Relena's good qualities! Let's hear about her bad qualities! Dorothy and I have some plans.... I mean, I'm just curious to know what you really think about that princess.

~Wicked

[Heero]

Well Miroku, with all the war talk, the Uninted States aren't on good terms with many people right now. But to my knowledge, yes, they are on good terms.
My favorite Qualities of Relena would be her strong spirit, her leadership qualities, and her body.
My least favorite qualities would be her leadership qualities when we are in an argument. She always get her way! And her stong spirit that she uses to stubbornly get her way. But I still like her body. I just wish she would give in and let me get a pet cyote. I'll work her down. Besides, I actually have the cyote secretly in captivity in the garage. She'll never know.
But if Dorothy (and you) know what's best, I wouldn't touch Relena. Didn't Dorothy get the idea after I blew up her house?
And you can all go "Haooy" yourselves.

[Melville's Best Friend]

Besides, I actually have the cyote secretly in captivity in the garage.

First new question: What on Bob's sweet face is a cyote?

*runs off to try and find one on GOOGLE*

And why would you want one?

Why not Bob? Why doesn't everyone just...want Bob? ^__^ He's a cute Bobbart, and I luuuuuuv heeeuhm.

And sis, good. I'm glad it really wasn't me. After the panther with no legs jumped on me from a tree (how did it get there?), the animal rights activists who thought it was a coat and threw paint on me have been following me around like spam on a holiday.

I didn't want to have to go to court...

Again.

Oh, and, Heero.

Which is a better death for Dr. J? (I mean, the man's just creepy and weird and overall lookin' like a streaker who's also an opossom molester)

• 1) Death by rabid squirls
  2) Death by Wicked and her minions of the night
  3) Death by a toaster
  4) Death by a Brittany Spears album
  5) Death by a gang of hissing ducks with HUGE TEETH

And for you, cake or death?

I had three questions. Wow. That's fun. ^__^

Oh, and, Heero...

And you can all go "Haooy" yourselves.

Yeah, haooying cannot be done that way. Nor is it capitolized. If I could have sex with myself, that would be very strange and probably make me want to cry.

You, however, and your infatuation with certain "bodies" can haooy Relena. ^__^

Haooy away, Heero.

Haooy away.

[SimplyTurquoise]

Why doesn't everyone just...want Bob?

whose Bob?

it's been awhile but... well... I couldn't resist you see!!!! And he deserved it (rationalize w/ me people!!!) and... he's gross... and watches stuff that involves dirty harry potter and dirty lotr... it's not right... do you remember the 'educational magazines'... yes... well...

I kind--- sorta--- did something to his precious locker at school. I mean... he shouldn't just leave his locer code laying around in his notebook in his backpack, stashed in his room... it's so out in the open that... anwyays... to get to the point... my friends and I put up pictures of *cough* lovely pictures of everybody's favorite teen guy stars... y'know--- the hottest guys seen in music/movies/and overall good looking bachelors.

I'm jealous of his locker... whether or not he likes it or not... Did I mention, that two other guys share his locker... they should all love our work... little hearts of my brother's initials and well.. yea

I dont' feel guilty.. should I? I mean... it is a sister's right to terroize ones brother, isn't it?!!?

[wicked]

*shocked* Who's Bob?!?! Dear God, it's the apocolypse! Someone doens't know who Bob is. Sacrelige!!! Bob is Bob! Bobbart!!! Long live and love Bob!!!!!

Bob is someone very near and dear to my sister's heart. He's special. More than anyone can know.

ST, beware my sister. I don't know what she might do.

But dear God, I'm so very happy I'm not your brother, or sister for that matter! Ha! It'd be even better if you got some bishi's in there with hearts and his initials. HA! Now that I'd pay to see. But only about a penny. I'm broke.

If one's mother says she's ashamed of you, should you plan on staying away for as long as possible, including the upcoming holiday's?

~Wicked

[Miss Relena]

haooy??
Sounds interesting. Toooo bad you won't be seeing any of that any time soon, Heero...know why? That damn Cyote crapped in my shoes!!! It's not like you can hide a wild dog in my house. They DO make noise, and waking up at 4 am to the sounds of a wild animal breaking down a wall in your house is NOT pleasant. I had meetings that day. IMPORTAINT meetings. Instead, I spend my morning defending myself with a broom on top of my kitchen counter while a really hungry looking animal contemplated EATING ME ALIVE!!! No. No haooy for you for a LONGGGGG time. I need drywall put back up. Guess who is assigned to that mission...!!
Also, this advice thread...are YOU supposed to be giving the advice, because it seems you post...um...never? Not that these poor girls need your advice...that one took care of her brother in quite a creative way. Gives me ideas...
I am glad however, that you like my *ahem* body ^_^ Too bad you had to bring that rabid dog home...else you could have seen my new Fredric's of Hollywood purchase ^_^!
Have fun with the drywall and pillow bitting!:-P

Love,
Relena
P.S. Ok, I will admit the cyote was cute when it wasn't knawing my house apart...

[White Witch]

cyote

I thought it had an "o" in between the "c" and "y"...
I'm sooooooooo spelling-picky, aren't I?

...I was supposed to ask a question, but I think I forgot it now...

[Melville's Best Friend]

Relena-sama, NO!

You can't ban Heero from haooying you! I mean you CAN, but what fun will you have?

And anyway, Heero didn't do anything wrong.

So, yes, keeping a wild dog was bad.

But let's list the pros:

• 1) He has to rebuild your wall. Sweat-soaked Heero.
  2) I'm sorry, you're still reading? Number one shoulda' done it for you...
  3) If it tried to eat you, you'll have to be protected. CLOSELY.

And the cons...crap in your shoe and a broken wall.

Pros outweigh the cons!!!! ^___^

Now, Relena, about this "miss" buisness...Don't you prefer the sound MISSES so much better? What do YOU think, Heero?

And, Lena, don't do anything mean to him. He'll do something mean back to you...then you back to him...it'll be a HORRID CYCLE of UNNERVING events, and a dog is not worth fighting over.

Speaking of which...

I KNOW I didn't read that someone didn't know who Bob was.

And, seeing as how I didn't read that, I shan't say anything.

*glares*

Wicked: *hides ST*

MBF: That's what I thought.

[Heero]

MBF, Dr. J really isn't all the bad, he's a very well educated man, he's just what we call "not pretty". But I say death by toaster.

And I highly approve of Simply Turquoise's tampering towards her brother's locker. Keep up the good work, ST.

And if your mother says she's ashamed of you, just wait it out. She'll get out of her "grumpy mood" and forgive.

>>>UNLESS YOU ARE RELENA DO NOT READ THE UPCOMING MESSAGE<<<

Now Relena, Mission Drywall accepted. But I have to agree with MBF on this one. This just isn't right! Just look at Mr. Virtue's eyes, he's the strongest coyote in all of the northern contenents. He is very wise, courageous and so loyal.
But I have my priorities straight, so I got rid of Mr. Virtue the second I read the post. Does this mean I can earn back my privilages? I can even wear that fullbody spandex suit with the belt and headset. You know the one.


>>>NOW YOU MAY CONTINUE READING<<<

[Kaili Charmer]

~twitch twitch~ LOL!! Oh man heero, that was a lousy way to get some haooy...

Relena, why DO you have "miss" in front of your name? i thought you were married to heero..?

ST- That was AWESOME! I'm loving your locker story! I'm gonna have to plagiarize that idea sometime soon to a certain someone at school who pisses me off...hehehe...that okay?

Yeah, i don't know where Bob came into this conversation. is he sexy or what?

MBF- I don't think your pro #2 was valid. in order for the pros to outway the cons, i believe there should be hard evidence ~cough~picture~cough~ of pro #1 being valid...

Coyote...

and as for a question for Heero....eh...
have you ever seen Trogdoor? if so, and you know the link, mind posting it? because i forgot it...