All Along - Ch. 4 -

[HiFreak]

Agree with the others, more is certainly needed.

Although you really had me there, I though it was going to be one of those 'Heero dies" fics, not that it's bad, just that I like him alive.
Heero and Relena together.

[SerenityDeath]

I agree with them its good. we need more story!

[takisha16]

I understand how you keep ending them like that!
Sure it's super cruel but it makes the stories so much more interesting!
I knew Heero could not have died!
I mean....he's Heero for goodness sake!
Ok, so they are now locked up in a room together!
Creepy guy!
I seriously had the chills reading about his laugh!
It certainly does sound twisted enough!

[amulak]

This is like the best line ever:

?Heero?? she whispered into the darkness.



?What??

?a groan came from the other side of the room.

I started cracking up even though it was all tense and cliffhangery- gah! update again soon, please!

[Aeris_Eithne]

I love the story, too, or else I wouldn't comment!

However, since editing is my life, I'd like to give you some constructive (read: encouraging!) criticism.

One thing people keep mentioning are the cliffhangers; they actually have me a bit perturbed. Honestly, everything I've read so far could have been part of one chapter. It's jarring to read it this way, all disjointed... When you're reading a good story, you don't want to be interrupted. I wouldn't actually call the method you're employing "cliffhangers" so much as "speed bumps." Personally, I'm getting tired of being jostled around! My point is, once you've got us in the action, keep us there. There's no reason to chop your story up this much. I would create some transitions between these chapters and join them together.

Other than that, this is awesome writing. It's rare to find a fan fic with good, solid writing that makes you want to keep going. Most action stories seem to get so bogged down in details, but you've got just the right amount of detail and suspense. I'm hooked!