Hollow Girl: Ghost 4

[raine_yuy]

<font face="century gothic">disclaimer: someday, if the god of death be willing, maybe i'll own GW. but for now, all i can do is wish upon a star. hehe.

note: Chapter 4! hmmm...no more mentions of Relena's ummm...past sex life. hehe. It didn't go well with a lot of people. But just to clarify, just because she slept with those men does NOT make her a slut. Geesh, what did you expect? A woman can't live like a freakin hermit now can she? lol. She's a normal woman with normal urges and whatnot. Stupid Heero wasn't there when she acted upon those absolutely normal and human urges. Therefore, Relena was just being a normal hot blooded young woman. There.








Just as Relena settled behind her desk, the door opened and Heero walked in unannounced. It would probably be considered over- reacting if she lost her head over such small things as propriety, but Relena had to restrain herself from violent urges.

"I thought we had already discussed what we had to?"

He headed straight for her desk, his strides purposeful and determined. "We were interrupted by Duo before we finished our discussion."

"You mean your interrogation."

"Call it what you like."

There was simply no way out of it. There was no one more stubborn nor one track-minded than Heero Yuy.

"Very well. What do you want?"

"Their personalities, hobbies, anything."

Silence followed as Relena pushed her chair back to turn to the massive glass-windows that stood behind her. They served as the window to the outside world, without the catastrophic four corner walls that was the structure of most of the kingdom's rooms. She touched a hand against the glass; reaching for something she could not put a name to but that tempted her beyond reason.

"Relena?" Heero's voice penetrated the barrier in her mind where dreams and fantasies hid behind in shame. For a moment, she saw the glass where her hand rested shatter into a million pieces, cutting into her skin and making her hand bleed. The droplets of blood fell but did not touch the ground, evaporating into thin air before it could reach the floor. She shook her head as if to shake away the image, curious yet terrified at the mind games she played by herself.

"Relena?" What was wrong with her? Heero resisted the urge to step closer.

"I can't tell you." She finally answered in a small voice.

"You have to. We've already discussed this."

"But I can't."

"Relena." There was a note of violence in his tone, her name became a harsh sound.

She whirled around, her face a mask of shadows. "I can't tell you because there is nothing to tell. I didn't know them. Not one of them. All I knew were their names."

"You can't tell me anything at all?"

"The computer will do a better job than I ever will." Sarcasm laced her voice. She turned back to the window.

"Why?"

She knew what he was asking, but she was reluctant to give her honesty. Lies were safer. Lies were loyal soldiers that would always be there to protect her. But lies also required a certain strength she simply could not summon. The weakness further mocked her by crawling through her stomach. No, she did not have strength for lies today.

"Because I did not wish to know them. That, and the fact that I simply didn't care. Whoever they were, whatever they did, I never wondered about," Her eyes reflected the dark green of the water laid out before her window and encompassed the surroundings. They became deep and haunting, where the whirlpool caught the shadows and drowned them. "I knew in the light of day, it wouldn't matter. They would simply be warm bodies to wake up to in the morning when I simply can't handle the cold. It seems that I have discovered a secret. You don't have to be a soldier to become hollow inside." <i>No, you simply have to love once.</i>

"I see."

Relena smiled in sadness. " I don't think you do." <i>What do you know of love Perfect Soldier?</i>

"Don't assume too much." <i>What do you know of my emotions Peacecraft?</i>

She bowed her head and leaned her forehead on the glass, sighing wearily. "I'd like to get back to work if that's all you need."

"You should rest." Heero insisted stubbornly.

<i>Don't mock me with your false concern.</i> "I'm fine. What I should be doing is finishing these paper works."

"Your health should be more important than some papers that needs signing."

"These papers that are more important than my health are papers that helps keep this peace you and the others made possible. Rest will come later."

She felt heat crept up her back and resisted the urge to run as her instinct reacted to Heero's proximity. A hand rested on her shoulder. "You're so damn unselfish it makes me sick."

She couldn't help but flinch. Disgust coated his words. "I don't understand."

"No, you wouldn't. You never think about what you do. Never think about what you give or what it costs you." The hand on her shoulder dropped away, leaving her more desolate than ever. "How long since you thought about what you wanted?"

He started for the door. Relena's hand clenched into a fist. "Heero."

"Yeah?" He paused at the threshold.

"Wherever you were the past three years, did you ever find peace?"

An eye for an eye. Heero hesitated before muttering, "The war was over. There were no weapons, no blood, and no corpses. There were no righteous people, and lost soldiers. It was as close to peace as a soldier can get without being dead."

The door closed with a soft click.



Darkness had taken over the day. Only the tapping of fingers on keyboards echoed through the basement, where every technologies available to mankind resided. Heero raced through the net and used back doors to open the files on the names Relena had given him. He was well aware that the informations he gathered were useless but he believed in caution. It was as close to a religion as he would ever have. The door to the elevator opened just as Heero released the safety on his gun. Quatre stepped out with his hands held up before him to show that he had no weapon.

"Hey Heero. Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I just thought that you may need some help."

Heero frowned in suspicion. "I think I can handle a little computer work Quatre. What did you really come down here for?"

Quatre sighed in surrender. Honesty had always been his weakness. Lying had always been a disaster for him. "How is she?" He walked toward another computer, pretending interest in the blank screen.

"Why don't you ask her yourself? She's probably still working in her office."

Quatre looked up and turned to Heero, whose fingers ceased to tap. "What? She should be resting by now."

"Don't tell me. Tell her." Heero answered sardonically.

Quatre's shoulders dropped in advanced defeat. Relena was never one to take orders from anybody. Not even from someone who simply cared. Suddenly, Quatre became conscious of the abrupt silence. The tapping on the keyboards ceased to be. He looked up to find Heero's unwavering scrutiny focused solely on him.

"You love her." Heero deadpanned.

Quatre lowered his gaze, lest Heero saw the pain and shame in its depths. But neither were lies an option. "Yes. I always have. I suppose I always will."

"You're a soldier Quatre. Why don't you fight?"

"Because this is a losing battle. For me anyway." He sighed and softly admitted, "And the war had already been won."

Heero tore his gaze away from Quatre. The tapping resumed in a much furious pace.

"She needs you Heero."

For a moment, the tapping slowed, then resumed its pace as Heero stated in a harsh tone, "She never needed anyone. She never will."

"You're wrong. She never needed anyone because nobody thought she did."

"Leave it alone Quatre."

"She's not the same anymore you know." Quatre replied as he headed for the elevator.

"I know." Heero muttered softly.

Quatre nodded and left.

The tapping stopped abruptly. Heero stared into space. "She's dead."



Relena sat before her dresser, brushing her hair methodically and studying her reflection. Her nightgown hung down her body, pronouncing her slender built. She turned her gaze to a cold metal door that had replaced her balcony. Heero and his precautions. There were no other windows or openings inside her bedroom other than the balcony. And now it was sealed by an unyielding wall of metal. The feeling of oppression brought back the memories of childhood when she had loathed closed-up spaces. A knock on the door interrupted her erratic musings.

"Relena. May I come in?" Milliardo's voice penetrated the barrier of the door.

"Of course."

The door opened to allow her brother in. He was still dressed in formal.

"How are you?" He said this while perusing her features.

"I'm fine. There was no need for you to check on me." She came to her full height to stand before him, thus proving that she could stand on her own without falling on her face.

"I wanted to."

"Well, now you have."

The cold dismissal grazed harshly against an open wound. "Stop it, Relena. You're not invincible," His voice hardened. "And neither am I."

She flinched, knowing she had pushed too far. "I'm sorry."

The simple apology drained all the hurt and anger out of Milliardo, leaving him with nothing but exposed gentleness he would never normally allow. Gentleness had no place in the world of broken-winged angels and lost survivors.

"Relena." He stepped forward to reach for her, only to have her retreat.

"What do you see in me brother?"

Milliardo halted and frowned in surprise at the question. "What do you mean?"

"When you look at me, what do you see?" She repeated patiently.

Milliardo started forward once again until Relena felt the solid wall that prevented further retreat. Milliardo lifted a hand to a soft cheek, caressing it with cautious tenderness.

"Sometimes when I look at you, I can't help but alter time. I can't help but see you in my mind as a little girl. A little girl who smiled carelessly, who laughed without restraint, cried when she fell and hurt her knees, who believed in fairytales and monsters under the bed. A little girl who's innocence was untouched. Then I blink and reality stand before me. And I see you. Relena Peacecraft, former queen and present Vice Foreign Minister. A girl who grew up too fast. I see a young woman who can stand alone with the weight of the world on her shoulders. A young woman whose whole life is dedicated to others, who would pay the devil with her very soul if only peace would exist forever, whose eyes grow dimmer with every shadow she hides." Milliardo's eyes became bright gems of broken diamonds.

"When I look at you, I see our father imprisoned in your eyes, weeping in regret for the fate he helped chose for us."

The tightening in her chest was the closest she came to feeling anything for a long time. How cold she must seem, how hard and cold-blooded. She turned her cheek away from Milliardo's touch.

"I needed to know. Because when I look at my own reflection, there's nothing there to see." A mocking laughter escaped her before she could control it. "I thought maybe I was going crazy; seeing a ghost instead of me."

"It's just the stress. You should get some rest now." Milliardo soothed in a small voice. He was tired too. Too much emotions in one night. He headed for the door. "Goodnight, Relena."

"Goodnight, Milliardo." So tired. How do you begin reclaiming your humanity?

[RyanEX2000]

Now,to make sure that there are no misunderstandings,my intention is not to piss off anyone OK.

My remark in the previous chapter was based on Relena's actions.You say she is a normal girl with normal urges,all well and good.But SIX!!And none lasting more than a MONTH :-? .Kinda odd.

Well,now that thats out of the way.The little verbal sparring between the two was interesting.Neither giving way.Quatre's little talk with Heero and Rels talk with Zechs gives an insight to what appears to be the four main players in this little fic of yours.So when's Noin gonna give Rel that little speech of yours??

[raine_yuy]

<font face="century gothic">

lol. i meant that lightly. i wasn't at all offended. in fact, i loved the comments about how Relena acted so promiscuous. it's good to have those reactions from fics. makes it more interesting that way. hehe. sorry if i sounded iffed. i love your comments!

[Kiyoko]

Yay, another great chapter! I loved Heero and Relena's little verbal sparring match! Don't take the whole six guys things seriously. You're story shows a side of reality many wish would stay in the shadows forever, but the truth can never hide from the light. Please keep going, this fic is very interesting.

[AngelOfDeath]

I like it so far. The font is a little harsh on my eyes, but maybe I just need new glasses. Meh.

[RDP]

"You're so damn unselfish it makes me sick."

Argh! :x Heero is so mean to Lena, but he does have a point. She cares more about the world and peace than herself. :-?

Quatre sighed in surrender. Honesty had always been his weakness. Lying had always been a disaster for him.

Aww...poor Quatre. But I always liked that part of him. Honest and kind.

Please continue!