Christmas Cake (part four)

[dd]

?Why did I do it? Why did I buy that card? Because I was too afraid to ask him face to face!?

Kaname forced herself to sit back down at her desk. Class would be starting in a few moments. Her legs definitely didn?t feel like sitting, though. Nervous energy made her muscles twitch. Her mind kept whispering ?we have to find that card.?

She?d looked everywhere. Inside things. Under things. Even on top of things.

No luck. She had even embarrassed herself at one point, sniffing around like a dog, trying to find some trace of perfume. The look on the janitor?s face left no doubt about his unprofessional psychiatric opinion.

?Why me? Why do these things always happen to me?? She felt like tugging on her hair. ?Sousuke. He?s why this always happens to me.?

She could get another card. If she didn?t change her mind. That wasn?t the major problem, even though she didn?t know if she could work up this much courage again. No. The problem would not be if the card never turned up. She could live with that. It would be worse if Sousuke found the card, and simply ignored it? blew it up? or didn?t have the common courtesy to respond. She could even live with that?Sousuke might not, but she would.

Kaname was worried that someone other than Sousuke might have found the card. Found it, and opened it. She shivered, biting her lip. What if someone Xeroxed it and plastered it all over school?.or all over town? She would just die! Or, if some kind-hearted soul decided to read the card over the intercom? What would Misuki do with it? The music club? The Gundam fans?

She slammed both fists down on the desk top. Her Bonta-Kun eraser flew off, hit the floor, and bounced out of sight.

?Kaname, are you OK?? Ren?s eyes were a calming thing, like a smooth surfaced lake on a balmy day.

?Ren. Hi. It?s not a problem.? Even the brief feeling of relaxation she had felt evaporated. She clenched her hands tight again. ?It?s not a problem.? That was Sousuke-speak. ?I can?t believe the school turned down our request for a New Year?s party.?

?I see. That was certainly a disappointment, wasn?t it.? Kaname knew that Ren didn?t buy that excuse. But, her friend was too considerate to probe any further. ?Where?s Sousuke? He?s usually the first one back in class after a break, going through his usual routines. Either that, or he?s not too far from your side.?

Kaname swallowed hard. Sousuke?s name was the last one that she wanted to hear on anyone?s lips at that moment. She knew she must be blushing. Part of her kept insisting that someone could read her mind.

?AH HAH HAH HA HAH? the Principal may have assigned to assist the contractors again. They still haven?t patched up the hole he made in the furnace room. At least the building engineer won?t sneak a TV in there again? or if he does, he won?t be playing any more war movies.?

Ren simply smiled.

Kaname began worrying again. This time it was about Sousuke. The word ?disappointment? started off like a snowball rolling down hill? it threatened to turn into an ice boulder or an avalanche. What if Sousuke had found the card, and was disappointed in her aggressiveness or assumptions? What if that military freak had reported his finding to headquarters, and Tessa ordered him back to the submarine for Christmas Eve? Could that be why he wasn?t in class yet? Was he trying to avoid her? Might he have even left for the day??

She took out her textbook and turned it to the page for the day?s assignment. Sighing, she began to read, attempting to distract herself. It didn?t work. Her eyes froze on one word. ?Cardinal.? As in ?Cardinal Sin.? That word had ?card? in it.

And sin.

She accidentally crumpled one page. She covertly glanced from side to side, wondering if anyone was staring at her. Not too many days ago, Sousuke had shown her the image in a thermal scope. Heat sources stood out like sore thumbs. She felt like that now. Someone must see how hot she was glowing.

?What does it really matter what some otaku does, any way?? She silently asked herself the question in a very nonchalant manner. ?I was probably more concerned about his feelings after all. It must be tough growing up in so many countries, never having a place to call home. It was merely a way to show him that he?s not alone. Hmmppff.?

On one shoulder, the figurative Shoulder Angel shook her head, looking over at the Devil perched on Kaname?s other shoulder. ?You buy that line??

?Hell no!?

Kaname jumped. Her conscience was having nothing to do with her lame attempt. It mattered. It mattered more than she wanted to admit sometimes. She had learned that back on March 14, ?White Day.? Back on Valentine?s day, she had left chocolates in Sousuke?s locker with a cryptic note. An operative skilled in cryptography should not have any difficulty deciphering it. He should have known that the gift was from her. Even as big idiot and a jerk would have understood the significance.

He didn?t say anything.

Not a single word.

It had hurt, but she was patient. When ?White Day? rolled around, the favor was never returned. No chocolate. No flowers. Not even a single heartfelt comment. She had been crushed. Even if the boy doesn?t have the same feelings as the girl who took the risk, it was considered common decency to reciprocate.

She never would have guessed that she would hurt that much.

Of course, she felt much better after she had eventually worked herself into a huff? knocked on Sousuke?s door? and sent him half way across the apartment with her softball bat. When he was able to speak, he told her that he had never read her note. He hadn?t even known there was chocolate. As usual, he had resorted to demolition work.

She almost strangled him.

But, she actually smiled when she left, knowing that he hadn?t simply blown her off.

Kaname actually smiled now, too. She could only imagine how much her actions must confuse Sousuke sometimes. Good. He deserved it, the total moron! She pictured him tied in a knot like a pretzel. But what if that type of behavior actually made her seem overly moody or uncaring? Couldn?t he just see through all that and realize that she was upset because she wanted more from him?

Sousuke, see something that wasn?t written in a military manual or tattooed to his hand? Kaname?s heart sank. All of the uncertainty and self doubt was tying HER into a knot.

Maybe she should just forget about everything. Even if Sousuke had found the card, she could explain to him that she had made a mistake. There was no sense in rushing things. Obviously she still had a lot of things to think through.

Kaname looked over at the Christmas Cake sitting on the teacher?s desk. ?You can?t have your cake and eat it too, girl? she mumbled under her breath. Those words came to life for her, whistling for her undivided attention.

?Right now, even though it?s scary, you?re actually excited about the uncertainty. There?s a chance he?ll say yes. Things might even turn out just how you dreamed. You can?t wait to hear his answer, despite what you tell yourself. The look in his eyes. You want to see the look in his eyes when he gives you his decision. But, to enjoy all that for real, he has to say ?yes.? Right??

Unconsciously, Kaname nodded slightly.

?But, even if he does say ?yes,? things will change. The uncertainty will be gone. Your own feelings won?t be a secret to him any more. And, your friends would likely find out. What would they think? Would it change your special relationship with Kyouko, Ryo, Ren, and Maya? Can you see yourself thought of as ?Sousuke?s girl.? Would you have to start wearing camouflage skirts and blouses??

Kaname shook her head.

She would most definitely draw the line at camouflage.

Unless they were alone. She?d wear camouflage and train herself to salute if it made him pay more attention to her.

?Is she really that desperate?? The Shoulder Angel had her doubts.

The Shoulder Devil smiled impishly and saluted. ?Remember the bikini??

?Touche.? The Shoulder angel turned a bright shade of crimson.

Kaname rubbed her eyes. She really should consider whether she was ready to do anything that might change her neatly ordered life so drastically. She stopped. How could she have even considered using those words? Her life had been one big ball of uncertainty since Sousuke made his way to Jindai.

No. She knew the gist of her point was true enough. Was she really ready to take such a risk? Either way, her world would be different. Her hopes and dreams might be shattered. Or, she might set sail down a raging river of discovery. And THEN her hopes and dreams might be shattered.

?Stop being such a pessimist!? She though peevishly. Things might also turn out better than she had any right to hope for.

?Kaname.?

Her arms shot forward unexpectedly. Her textbook slid half way across the floor. She banged one knee against the bottom of her desk. How could she have been so out of it? How could that otaku move so quietly?

Sousuke was sitting at the desk in front of Kaname.

His face was exceedingly stern, even for him.

The card was in his hand.

[Magsnus]

HAHAHAHAA
Wow, this one is great, so great...im laughing myself into the hospital anytime soon.
The sholder angels are to good to be true

Is she really that desperate?? The Shoulder Angel had her doubts.

The Shoulder Devil smiled impishly and saluted. ?Remember the bikini??

?Touche.? The Shoulder angel turned a bright shade of crimson.

Its priceless

This has been the best chapter so far, hope the rest (and may there be many more) are as great as this one!
Keep up the great work

With regards
Magsnus

[Perfect Soldier]

*Is on edge of her seat* Gah!!! I do hope you update really soon, dd, things are just getting soooooooooooo good right now. This fic is going wonderfully.

Zero