[FIC] One Scoop or Two? (part 1)

[dd]

?Wow! You must really be in a good mood, Kaname!? Kyouko was walking through the hall with a group of friends.

?No. Not a good mood.? Kaname tossed her hair and smiled knowingly.

?Come on! You?re smiling. I heard you whistling. You must be in a really good mood!? Ryo spoke with the utmost of certainty.

?Sorry. Wrong. Not a really good mood.? Kaname?s trade mark laugh carried down the passageway.

?You KNOW you can?t fool us, Kaname. We can read you like a book. You are in a really really good mood!? Maya glared at her friend, daring her to contradict her.

?Off by a mile. Not a really really good mood. If there was a book on me, I?d let you all study it.? Kaname had a smile for everyone one she passed, even Mizuke. Her laughter grew louder when she saw the look on Mizuke?s face.

All of her friends stopped, hands on their hips, as kaname continued to stroll down the hall like a queen. She turned, faced them, and brushed her hands together. ?I am in a great mood today!

The three girls looked at each other in disbelief. They couldn?t remember the last time Kaname had used the word ?great.?

?Despite Sousuke?? Kyouko asked, camera ready. That question would test how good Kaname?s mood really was.

?Because of Sousuke.? Kaname replied, refusing to tell them anything more. They would have to wait. It would be good for their character.


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Kaname was not always in such an exalted state of mind. In fact, not too many days ago, it seemed as if a black cloud was following her everywhere she went.

The first sign of impending doom came at the train station. Shirai cornered her and asked her for a date. He wouldn?t take no for an answer. Eventually, like a bad penny, the otaku side of Sousuke returned. In typical Sagara fashion, he ?convinced? the amorous boob to leave her alone. When he claimed that his threats towards Shirai and his entire family were only a joke, she had simply scowled in disbelief and said ?Uh huh.?

Shirai begged Kaname to change her mind, saying he was more than willing to dump his girlfriend.

Naturally, Mizuke---the girlfriend---was listening around the corner.

Over lunch, Kaname had a premonition that she was being watched. Not too much later, the girls had told her that someone was writing nasty graffitti about her on the boys? room wall.

That had been bad enough.

When she was told that Sousuke knew about the threat, she rightly feared the worst. Braving the foul and disgusting depths of the boys? domain, she discovered her self-assigned protector flushing Shirai?s head down the toilet.

Sousuke, nonchalant---or simply clueless---told her that she was in the wrong room. The girls? room was next door.

Oooooooh! She had had the urge to hospitalize him then and there.

A girl?s voice did indeed yell out, but it was Mizuke, not Kaname. She had come to rescue her ?darling? Shirai, but he unceremoniously dumped her then and there---in the boys? room---in front of witnesses.

In retrospect, that scene brought a smile to Kaname?s face. It was SO perfect. At the time, however, she was intent on beating some common sense into the head of one particular numbskull. Sousuke thought it would be a great idea to interrogate Mizuke, looking for leads about the vile rumors being spread. Kaname plastered him against the door with a textbook swing of her halisen.

She couldn?t help grinning. Sousuke might be the reason she was in such a good mood now, but that didn?t make the memory any less satisfying. Especially when she though just how annoyed she was when she saw how utterly useless he was when he was tied up in knots by Shinji?s stupid virtual girl dating simulation game. He is such an otaku!

It looked as if Sousuke was going to ruin Golden Week for her. Everywhere she went, he followed, trying to look as if he were not with her. The newspaper with the eye hole cut out was much too much! She smacked him good, angry that he couldn?t simply stand with her. Then, things took a turn for the worse.

Crying, Mizuke walked by while they were waiting for the train home. She was placing large orders for food, charging it all to Shirai?s credit card. Sousuke almost earned himself a boot right onto the tarin tracks when he wondered out loud if the calls meant Mizuke was hosting a meeting of terrorists.

Even now that question made her skin crawl. How could anyone be so stupid!!! How could some one be so utterly oblivious, pilot an Arm Slave, and NOT be the best member of the other side? Mithril should lay in ruins by now!

?Snap out of it, Kaname. Remember, Sousuke is the cause of your good mood.? She didn?t like talking to herself---but, if it worked?.

Mizuke decide that Sousuke would go out with her, so that her friends wouldn?t know she had been tossed aside like yesterday?s trash. By her warped logic, it was Kaname?s and Sousuke?s fault.

?What a dolt. Anyone could see that it was Sousuke?s fault. The big idiot!?

Well, it DID show that he had a kind heart. Either that, or he would take orders fron ANYONE. Geez! Or, he was intent on learning why he had chased away that damn Virtual girl. What a nutcase.

Of course, since she couldn?t bring Sousuke back to her parent?s house to ?train? him, Mizuke invited herself over to Kaname?s apartment to spend the night.

It should have been hilarious. Sousuke was such a dyed-in-the wool otaku, that Mizuke had a devil of a time trying to teach him how to act like a normal guy. Instead, Kaname found herself getting more ands more irritated. Persistent nerdiness lost its charm REAL fast.

?No. That?s not how it was?.? Luckily, no one was around that could hear Kaname. For a moment, she thought that she remembered being somewhat jealous when Mizuke was practicing saying ?I love you? to Sousuke.

Kaname couldn?t help but break out into laughter. It had been aggravating watching Sousuke pretend to be Shirai, real time. Now, with the buffer of time, it seemed so funny. As hard as he tried, he couldn?t keep military stuff out of his conversation. She started choking when she remembered him comparing Mizuke?s value to a spy satellite!

She began to shudder. Sousuke?s voice was better in her memory than it had been in the karaoke place---but, it was still horrendous. She would NEVER be able to listen to any of those songs again.

She clenched and unclenched her fists. A military movie. He chose a military movie for them all to see. On a supposed date!!! Not only that, he stood up and shouted at the screen, upset at how everything was so inaccurate. There had been an explosion of soda and popcorn when she clobbered him from here to Thursday with the halisen. Mizuke had no explanation why Kaname was beating up on her boyfriend.

?Easy, Kaname?.? She had needed to employ additional behavior mdofication on Sousuke when he was about to go Medieval on a UFO catcher that refused to let him win a stuffed animal.

Things continued on a down hill plunge. They all ran into Shirai and a girl in the park. Everyone pretty much knew that Mizuke was lying at that point. She blurted out his name, after all. While the girls were busy watching that soap opera unfold, Sousuke had decide on having another uber-otaku moment. Angry at seeing Shirai there unexpectedly, he shot him with a rubber bullet!!!

?Go, please give me strength?.?

Then again, if SHE had had a gun, she would have used it soon enough. Manami, Shouko, and Madoka used the oldest ploy in the book. If Mizuke and Sousuke were truly boyfriend and girlfried, there should be no problem in getting them to kiss.

?Just like a damn episode of Love Hina. I don?t know if I would have shot Sousuke or those damn brats?.?

She didn?t want to picture the next part. So, naturally, her perverse mind replayed it again and again, from various angles?.at high speed and slo mo?with close ups and freeze frame. Sousuke swept Mizuke into his arms and kissed her.

?Bastard!? No. Relax. Remember, Sousuke is the cause of your good mood.

Mikzuke ran off crying. Kaname explained to the girls in no uncertain terms just what kind of moron Sousuke was. Sousuke ended up sitting in the lake. He should have stayed there.

When she fainally relented---seing just how na?ve and childlike Sousuke was---his head had come rather close to his. She thought he might be about to kiss her. Not that she was excited or receptive or anything. She only sounded nervous.

And then that clueless military misfit asked her if she was ill---because her face was red. He thought it might be a circulatory problem.

?Baku!?

The memories of that incident should have stopped with her stomping away from Sousuke. Unfortunately, Mizuke was up to her old tricks.


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Kaname remembered how angry she had been. She was caught completely by surprise. Who in their right mind would have expected that?

After watching Sousuke walk off towards his domecile---not feeling any hint of regret or anything---she had returned home to get some dinner ready. When the doorbell rang, she ran to open the door, simply because she didn?t want to keep anyone waiting. It was NOT because she hoped to see Sousuke standing there. Absolutely not!

It wasn?t Sousuke. It wasn?t one man. It was six men, each pushing a large dolly. ?Miss Kaname Chidori?? A mangy emaciated man with halitosis made it a point to exhale right into her face.

?Yes?? On retrospect, she should have simply close the door and bolted it

?We have your delivery. Will that be cash or charge?? Everybody stared at her intensely.

?Excuse me??

?Cash or credit card. For your order. You need to pay us before we can finish the delivery.? The man looked at one of his comrades and mouthed the words ?dumb broad.?

?Order??

?Geez. It?s always the ones with blue hair. The order. Kaname Chidori called up and asked to have two dozen crfates of fresh squid delivered to this address. You said you are Kaname Chidori. This is your order. O?.. R?.. D?.. E?.. R.? The men were all laughing behind their hands.

?But, it must have been someone else. I didn?t order this.?

?Mary, mother of God. Just like my wife. She yells at me for forgetting where I put the remote, but SHE forgets where she left the kids. Listen, missy, we have other deliveries to make. I have the bill here. If you pay us, we?ll help wheel it into your apartment for you.? The man was obviously getting angry.

?I didn?t place the order. It was a crank call. I am not paying.? She closed the door. She had a sneaking suspicion she knew what had happened. Mizuke. She was afraid to get back at Sousuke, so she was taking it out on her. That was ANOTHER one she owed a certain scar-faced sergeant. Just because he had rescued her from a bunch of wacko scientists and mercenaries did NOT mean that he wouldn?t get what?s coming to him.

Things should have ended there. She heard a series of loud thumps. When she put her ear to the door, she heard one of the men curse.

?SHIT! I?m not hauling that stinky crap back onto the truck and into the shop. You should all do what I did. Dump it here. We can bill the bitch.? They did exactly that. The hallway was cluttered with leaking crates of squid.

She had been about to call the Meat Shop and lodge a complaint. But, she had a better idea.

She called Sousuke.


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?Sousuke, thank you for making it over here so quickly.? She must have sounded frantic. Sousuke had made if over rather quickly. Still, he had the nerve not to be sweaty or short of breath. For a moment she caught her breath. She was getting paranoid. She had actually wondered if Sousuke camped out on her roof at night.

She resolved to take a look after he left.

?It is not a problem. The hall way is filled with crates. That is an unacceptable hazard. A terrorist or mugger would have plentiful places to hide.?

?Yes. Whatever you say, Sousuke. That?s not why I called you. It?s what?s in the crates?? Kaname stopped when Sousuke turned and headed back into the hallway.

?It?s squid, Kaname.? He put on the jacket he was carrying and turned around and prepared to leave.

?Sousuke, where?? What was he doing?

?I have identified the contents for you, Kaname. It was not too difficult. I will ask Tessa to send over a book on invertebrates. You will be up to speed in no time. You are a bright girl. I need to return to my home work.?

?Sousuke, I KNEW they were squid!? Kaname felt her hackles rising. ?That?s NOT why I asked you over.?

?I would not be embarrassed Kaname. I will not inform anybody of your deficiency. Except Tessa, when I ask for that book.?

?SOUSUKE!!!? Kaname looked around. Damn! The halisen was in her bedroom. ?The delivery men told me it was squid!?

?I see. You really should have trusted them. They likely had a work order, or perhaps packed the crates themselves. It would have saved me a trip over.?

?Ooooooh! Sousuke. Stay right there. If you move, I will hurt you.? Kaname ran off, returning seconds later with her paper fan.

?Uh?..? Sousuke looked at her hand, then at her face. ?You said you would hurt me if I moved?.?

?Yes. Damned if you do?? SMACK! ?Damned if you don?t.? WHACK! ?Let me try and get this through your thick Sousuke skull of yours. I know what is in the boxes. I knew what was in the boxes.? Kaname finally wised up. THIS was the kind of thinking a class representative should be able to do. ?It?s about a conspiracy, Sousuke.?

That made all the difference in the world. Sousuke?s look went from clueless to stern, almost immediately. He closed the door, took out his pistol, and removed a transceiver from his pocket. He also took out a bolo; a combat knife; two grenades; a taser; an exploding pen; and a garrotte. Kaname stopped him before he started on the pockets on the other side.

?At ease, soldier!? Kaname voice was deep and loud. Out of reflex, Sousuke spread his legs apart and put his hands behind his back. Kaname smiled. If only she still had her old whistle.

?Kaname, if there is a danger?.? Sousuke was not about to stay at ease for long. Not if he thought Kaname was at risk.

?It?s not that type of conspiracy. It was Mizuke.? Kaname tried hard not to growl.

?Uh?? Sousuke looked around the room.

?What are you doing, Sousuke?? Kaname was NOT in the mood for an otakufest. Far from it!

?I was searching for the nearest large container of water. We are not in proximity to the lake.?

?It?s OK, Sousuke.? Kaname smiled. She had him worried. Or at least cautious. Good. ?I?ve forgotten all about that incident.?

?I see. Then it is not a problem.? Sousuke looked pensive. ?Does that mean that your circulatory problem had normalized? One can never be too cautious with physical imperfections.?

?I?m fine, Sousuke.? Kaname grabbed hold of the nearby chair. That was the one way she could keep from picking up the halisen.

?It could have been a neurological disorder, instead. I discussed your case with various physicians at the Mithril base. It is nothing to be shamed of. Mental illness is nobody?s fault. That might explain why you threw me into the water.?

?It?. is?. not?. a?. mental?. disorder!? She followed Sousuke?s eyes. They were watching her hands. Her hands were twitching uncontrollably as she fought not to grab her paper fan. She knew what he must be thinking.

?Kaname, are you still upset because I put my lips on Mizuke?s?? Sousuke looked perplexed.

Kaname froze. She went cold from her head to her toes, just like a giant ice sickle. Figurative cracks formed in her feet and spread upward. She felt as if she shattered into a thousand pieces.

?No. Of course not. Why should I? That didn?t mean anything to me. I was just worried about Mizuke.? Kaname felt herself blushing. God save him if he mentions anything about a circulatory problem again!

?I see. Is that the conspiracy? We are conspiring behind Miss Inaba?s back? Do you wish for me to become better at putting my mouth on hers, so that she is not disappointed the next time we agree to help her deceive her friends?? Sousuke began to sweat. ?Uh? did you... uh... call me here to help me practice?? Kaname helped him study everything else.

Kaname was ice again. She felt warmth replacing the chill. Soon, it felt as if the ice were turning directly into steam. Her face was on fire.

?Chidori, should I get a doctor?? Sousuke looked concern. ?Your coloration. It is a drastic change. Perhaps it is something hormonal?.?

Sousuke fell back over the chair? tripped over an ottoman? crashed to the ground at the foot of an end table? pulled off the cloth coverlet? and had the full contents of the vase spill down over him. Water again.

Looking at the halisen in her hand, Kaname DID indeed begin to question her sanity. Why had she called him?


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When Kaname calmed down---and Sousuke dried off---she managed to explain the situation to Sousuke. It took some doing. He was stuck on the motivational aspect of things. He had no idea why Mizuke would do such a thing. It was the whole teenage dating void again.

Once they had Mizuke?s plan figured out, Kaname moved on to her idea. At first, Sousuke was reluctant to play along.

?Kaname, you have told me in the past that revenge is not the answer. You also explained that you were fed up with ?otaku nonsense.? And, I was told to just let girls be girls. Are you changing the rules??

?No, Sousuke. Those are the rules for YOU. There are a different set of rules for ME.? She grumbled seeing the resultatnt look on his face. ?Get over it!? she groused.

?It is not a problem. I must record this in my log book.? Sousuke wrote down ?More Notes On Kaname Chidori,? ?duplicity,? ?double-standard,? ?and had started on ?emotional lability? when the young lady in question threw the book off the balcony. ?I hope no one finds that book, Kaname. That is where I wrote down the confidences you told me, so I could always keep my story straight.?

Sousuke soon went over the balcony after the book.

?I do not think that it is proper for a Specialist to become involved in a matter of petty vengeance.? Sousuke had said when he made his way back up to the room.

?Really?? Kaname asked. She had her book out now. She wrote down ?petty? and ?fifty lashes, large fan.?

?Yes. Legal issues aside, the mission would require more than two people, and?.?

?Thank you Sousuke! You are absolutely correct. It is SO nice having a military consultant on my side!? She smiled at the look on his face.

?But??

?If that?s all you arte willing to contribute, so be it. If you don?t want to help me in my hour of need, I will try to understand.? She fought to keep a smile off of her face. This should be like taking candy from a baby.

?But??

?It is my mistake. I thought you were my friend. I won?t make that mistake again.? She coughed to cover a laugh.

?But??

?I?ll probably get caught by the police doing this on my own. Those stories of police brutality are likely nothing more than an urban legend.? She coughed again.

?But??

?And Lord knows the type of people who will be in the holding cell.? Unable to keep from grinning, she turned her head away. She began to shiver intentionally. Sousuke might think she was about to cry.

?I?ll be so vulnerable out there. I?ll be easy prey. If the police don?t get me, some terrorist group might.? That out to bait the hook.

?But??

?Or, I might end up getting shot by Mizuke?s father. I can see the headlines now. Of course, I doubt Tessa would blame you Sousuke. Not even if she finds out I was caught on a clumsy commando raid.? That should serve to jerk the line, setting the hook.

Sousuke gave in. On one condition---he would be calling the shots, not Kaname. She acquiesced. He then called the safe house. Kurz and Melissa were in town, providing back-up in case the remnants of any cell that Gauron had put together might decide to pay Kaname a visit.

Melissa, of course, was dead set about professionals taking part in any such nonsense. ?It is NOT our business,? she had said. ?Can you imagine Mithril?s cover being blown over something like this??

Kurz, by means of comparison, was gung ho. ?I see you realize what side your bread is buttered on, Sousuke old pal. You KNOW you need the ole Weber charm and good luck. Just like Melissa KNOWS she wants me. I?ll?? The line went dead for a while. When contact was re-established, Kurz could barely articulate his willingness to join the team. Melissa decided to go along to keep everyone else out of trouble---and out of the media.

?It will cost, Sousuke. Big time.? Even now, Melissa was a true mercenary at heart. ?Five cases of bear. One dozen cans of crab.? There was a pause. ?And a night of steamy sex.? Sousuke heard Kurz moan in the back ground.

?Uh??

?What is it Sousuke?? Kaname looked concerned.

?Five cases of beer?? Sousuke said, sweating.

?Tell her to consider it a gift,? Kaname said magnanimously.

?Twelve cans of crab?? Sousuke said, swallowing.

?That too,? Kaname said with a brusque wave of her hand.

?Uh??

?What else, Sousuke?? Kaname figured it was something similar. Probably a number of packs of cigarettes.

?Uh??

?SOUSUKE??

?Uh??

?SOUSUKE!!!?

?Here? I? uh? ask Sgt. Major Mao?? Sousuke could not get himself to speak the words.

Sousuke watched Kaname?s color change. Pink became salmon became scarlet became deepest crimson.

?S-S-Sex?? she stuttered. Then she sighed. ?O! You don?t mean you want to have sex with him.? Her smile vanished. ?ME? HIM???? Kaname dropped the phone.

Naturally, Melissa had only been joking. Hearing Kaname?s response was worth more than the beer and the canned crab. The two Mithril operatives would come over to Kaname?s apartment for the planning session.

Mizuke was going to learn not to mess with Kaname Chidori.


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It was like night and day. In school, Sousuke was a total disaster, and Kaname was master of all she surveyed. But, put stealthy clothes on Sousuke---blacken his face with make-up---and put a weapon in his hand, and he becomes a god. In contrast, Kaname becomes a fish out of water.

Throughout the entire operation, she spent more time watching Sousuke than she did paying attention to her surroundings. Melissa, as sharp as ever, caught on fairly soon. Kurz, ever the egotist or optomist, merely thought that she found him sexually intimidating.

Sousuke was confident. Everything he did had a purpose. One thing led seamlessly into another. His ability to react on the fly was nothing short of phenomenal. Kaname began to understand why someone his age was so highly valued by Mithril. The simple things he did on that comical little adventure impressed her more than all that he had done after climbing into an RK-92. She didn?t want to think about that now. Not today.

Kaname learned that the otaku things Sousuke spouted often contained great wisdom. ?The preparation for a military operation is often much more important than the actual execution of the plan.? That statement was proven many times over that night. It didn?t hurt that the three Mithril soldiers were in a league of there own---but, it was the utter simplicity and daring panache of the planning that made the difference.

Unnoticed, Sousuke slipped into the Inaba household during dinner? reconnoitered? recorded conversations? planned the best ways of entrance and egress? and planted a timer attached to a harmless-looking cannister of gas.

Melissa had wanted to use a knock out agent, but Sousuke would not agree to that plan. ?That would be an attack on their persons. They have done nothing to deserve that.? Kaname was of a mind to argue, but didn?t. There was a breath-taking nobility in the way the young soldier had stood up for the rights of people who had no meaning to him, simply because it was the right thing to do. ?Absolute power corrupts absolutely,? he had quoted to her once. It annoyed her at the time. Now, she was impressed by his restraint.

Kurz sided with Sousuke. His young companion?s plan had a number of things going for it. There would be no assault on persons. There would be no irreparable damage to the home. It gave him a great opportunity to be on center stage again, if only for a little while. He gave a brief illustration, and Kaname had a flashback, remembering the day that Kurz had affected an accent and pretended to be a foreigner needing Kyouko?s and her assistance.

No shots were fired.

No bombs went off.

No exotic equipment left the safe house.

No watches were synchronized.

None of those were needed.

The delay of a few hours proved worthwhile. A simple white Mithril van was brought to the lettering shop. An appropriate sign and logo were airbrushed on its sides. Instructions called into a knowledgeable document and license maker led to the creation of the necessary fake I.D. and Industry Alert.

?It?s ethyl-methyl-poly-vinyl-chloro-dextro-craminate,? Kurz had told Mizuke?s father. ?We have had word of a tanker truck accident to the east. If you smell anything in your house, evacuate immediately, then head west. Call this number when you are at least two miles away.? The spiel had the man sweating. Mizuke and her mother hugged each other, frightened by what they are hearing. ?Do not try to rescue pets or belongings,? Kurz added. ?Sufficient expose can lead to permanent pulmonary damage and impotence.? That last comment had the man considering the benefit of going on their family vacation immediately.

The act was perfect. Kurz even had a small sample of the gas that Sousuke had smuggled into the house. ?This is a very similar compound. It is similar in smell, but harmless in this small amount. Here, everybody take a whiff.?

Kurz? act earned him a kiss on the cheek from Kaname, who had been listening to every word in a second Mithril van. He was on cloud nine for exactly ten seconds.

?Well, Weber. You made one tragic error.? Melissa?s look was very intense. Kurz gulped.

?Sis, it was perfect. I?? The long-haired blond tried to think of anything he slipped up on.

?That?s right. That?s my point exactly. You CAN do something right. Now, I?m going to expect that again in the future!? No one could tell whether or not Melissa was joking.

Melissa handed a wad of bills to Sousuke. Kaname did likewise. ?I had faith in you,? Sousuke said. ?I do not like to bet; but, it was an order.?

Melissa smiled.

Kurz pouted. Then, his giant grin returned. ?So, how about sharing you winning with Kurzeroo? After all, none of this would be possible with out the one and only.?

?Sorry. I cannot. Orders, again.? Sousuke?s deadpan delivery had Melissa in stitches.

At the appointed hour, Melissa flicked a switch, sending out a quick pulsed signal. The receiver on the device Sousuke planted received the signal? released a powerful spring? and punctured the gas canister. Moments later, screaming could be heard on the microphones Sousuke had left behind. Soon, the family car came barreling out of the driveway, knocking down a mailbox and sending a group of full garbage cans careening down the street.

It was time to get to work. The three soldiers dumped the crates of squid on the front steps, across the foyer, and throughout the adjoining kitchen. Kaname kept one crate for her own personal use.

Squid found their way into Mizuke?s futon.

Purses and pockets ovrtflowed with a bounty of squid..

With some work, minced squid added an avantgarde character to perfumes, body rinses, and shampoo.

It took little experimentation to learn that shoes make excellent squid-holders.

Leaving the room, Kaname caught sight of Mizuke?s extensive collection of stuffed animals. They looked so lonely. They looked so bored. Before heading back downstairs, she gave each one a squid.

Kurz, of course, had the final contribution. He left a note on the kitchen floor:


HARKEN!


Alert the politicians

The plunder of our Great Mother the sea must cease

Further trespassing and violation will lead to tragedy

Fish-eaters repent!


THE TIME IS AT HAND!!!


The letterhead on the note read 'New Squid Militia.'

The name signed was ?Nick Pollotta.? That latter came from Sousuke. He had read a fiction book titled ?That Darn Squid God.? The story, depicting the Duterian Empire?s attempt to usher in the return of that malevolent entity, was an entertaining read in the vein of Sherlock Holmes adventures and other Victorian tales. It was penned by Nick Pollotta.

Of course, Mizuke would eventually realize the truth---especially since Kaname left an open phone book on her bed, the number of the Meat Shop circled with lipstick. She wondered if the irksome girl would ever admit her role in things to her distraught parents.

As the van pulled away, Kaname noted that the neighborhood cats would have a very pleasant evening. Every feline within ten city blocks was on a bee-line for Mizuke's house.


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?SOUSUKE!!!? Kaname was yelling and waving across the quad. ?Sousuke, over here!!!?

Hearing his name, Sousuke walked over, keeping a sharp eye on everyone walking near Kaname.

?I?ve been looking for you, Sousuke!!!? The look on her face was rather intense. Sousuke misinterpreted her piercing stare.H

?Uh?.?

?Sousuke??

?I?.?

?SOUSUKE????

?Errr??

?SOUSUKE!!!?

?I apologize, Kaname.? Sousuke bowed. His gaze left her face, looking back to the school. A long plume of smoke snaked its way skyward.

?What happened?? Kaname didn?t frown. She did not reach for her fan. In fact, she hadn?t even brought the halisen with her.

?A boy was acting rather strangely. I watched him from concealment. When he thought no one was looking, he placed something in your locker.? Sousuke was sweating.

?So you blew it up?? Kaname?s face was still angelic.

?Yes.?

?O, that?s OK.? She smiled.

?Uh? OK? You didn?t know? Then it must have been the other thing??

?Other thing, Sousuke?? Kaname kept seeing the look on Mizuke?s face in her head. It was such a wonderful day.

?Yes. Again, I apologize.?

?Why??

?The ball field.?

?What about the ball field, Sousuke?? Kaname looked in that direction. A huge cloud of dust dulled the look of the late afternoon sun.

?I do not believe you with have your softball match tomorrow.? Sousuke kicked at the dirt with his shoe.

?O?? Kaname tossed her hair. She undid her bow and refashioned it.

?There was a man with a shovel and a bag of large objects. He was digging in the dirt, and planting those items.?

?Those were the bases, Sousuke. I told you that before.? Kaname took out her mirror and checked her lipstick.

?Yes. But, this was a different man. I had not known he was the new grounds-keeper until after the grenade.?

?I see.? Kaname pulled one of her stockings up a bit.

?He should be out of the hospital in time for next week?s game.?

?It?s not a problem, Sousuke.? Kaname chuckled, thinking about a house full of squid. She wished she could have been a fly on the wall.

?You did not know that either??

?What else did you do, Sousuke?? Kaname wasn?t angry. Until he finished with his confession, they couldn?t leave.

?Uh?.?

?Sousuke??

?Ummm?.?

?It?s OK, Sousuke.?

?A large box arrived with your name on it. Nothing else.? Sousuke was twiddling his fingers. Kaname smiled. She?d never seen that normal gesture done by him before.

?Yes, it was for the front of the school. Part of the beautification project paid by this year?s fund raisers.? She had spent a lot of time and energy organizing bake sales, magazine drives, sports pledges, and the likes.

?It was ticking, Kaname.?

?Of course. It is a large clock.? The fancy artifice would be erected at the groundbreaking ceremony next week. It should become one of the most talked about neighborhood attractions.

?Was a clock, Kaname.? He looked over near the loading bay. A number of fire trucks were there. The arcing spray of water creating a miniature rainbow.

?Exploded that too?? Kaname checked her nails.

Sousuke just nodded his head.

?OK, now that you got all that off your chest, its time for ice cream.? She patted her purse with her hand.

?Ice cream, Kaname??

?Yes. My treat.? She smiled and started walking. She stopped when Sousuke remained standing.

?It is not too long before dinner time, Kaname. Why would you wish to go for ice cream? It is low in nutritive value.?

?For fun, Sousuke!? There was a touch of steel in her voice.

?Fun, Kaname??

Kaname squared her shoulders. Did he mean ?What does the word Fun mean?? or ?Why would ice cream be fun?? Neither one exactly fit her idea of the perfect mood.

?You DO know what fun is, don?t you Sousuke??

?Uh??

?Everybody has something they think is fun!? Kaname nodded her head. ?Even otakus.?

?I??

?Sousuke. Tell me something you think is fun. And don?t mention books, movies, or anything to do with weapons or warfare.? Kaname checked her watch. They did have homework to do, after all.

?Ummm??

?NOW, SOLDIER!? Kaname?s hands went to her hips. Her face grew cloudy.

?Errr? I? uh? being around you is fun, I think.? Sousuke couldn?t bring himself to make eye contact with Kaname.

Kaname was speechless. Her mouth fell open. Her chest rose and fell with deep fast respirations. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. Warmth came to her cheeks, then spread everywhere else.

?Are you alright, Kaname?? Sousuke looked concerned.

?Uh?? Kaname felt as if she was floating, with no attachment to the ground.

?Kaname.?

?Ummm?? The breeze had never felt so good.

?KANAME!!!? Sousuke?s shout broke Kaname?s reverie.

?Yes. Let?s go get that ice cream, Sousuke. You HAVE had ice cream before, haven?t you?? Kaname began humming a happy little tune.

?I have tasted it before. On occasion, the commanders would buy some for the submarine crew. I did not understand the relevance of it. Sgt. Major Mao ordered me to try some.?

Kaname stopped dead in her tracks.

?Kaname? Are you OK?? Sousuke thought about asking about her circulatory problem. He decided not to. Kaname seemed very self-conscious about it.

?You don?t understand the ?relevance??? Kaname?s voice carried an accent of total disbelief.

?No.?

?Dessert doesn?t have to have any special meaning, Sousuke. It is not supposed to have great nutritional value. It?s all about the taste, silly!? Kaname felt as if she were lecturing the first alien to land on earth.

?I have not placed much importance on taste, Kaname. Food serves a purpose. It fuels the body. It keeps one alive. The flavor of protein bars is not to my disliking.?

?That?s terrible, Sousuke!? Kaname was shocked. She realized that Sousuke was different. She kept finding out just how different each and every day.

?It is not a problem. When I was very young, and on my own, I had to eat what I could find. After meals of raw rat, dog, rotten fruit, and moldy refuse, I learned not to pay attention to taste. It is a useful skill to have in the military.?

Kaname put her hand over her mouth. ?Garbage??

Sousuke nodded.

She started swaying on her feet. ?DOG??

Sousuke nodded again.

She put her hand to her forehead. ?R-A-T-?-?-??

?Yes. Most often they were dead.?

Kaname fell to the ground. ?I had no idea. I?m s-s-sorry, Sousuke.? She fondly remembered her childhood. She had seen a rat once, on a family trip to the city. It had glared at her from a pile of garbage. At the time, it was the most horrible thing she had ever seen. She cringed thinking about the words ?most often.? This was not a conversation she wanted to have on the way to ice cream.

Sousuke gave Kaname a hand up. He promised himself to take Kaname to a doctor after ice cream. He might have something to correct Kaname?s obvious anemia.

?Well, enough about the past. You?re with Kaname Chidori now. Who better to teach you about good taste?? She wasn?t thinking. She had meant it as a joke.

Sousuke didn?t answer.

?First, I will explain ice cream to you, since you don?t seem to know anything about it!? Kaname sat Sousuke down on a bench and assumed an authoritative pose.

?That is incorrect, Kaname.?

?What?? Kaname was caught off guard. Sousuke had said he had never really eaten ice cream.

?I have come across reference to ice cream in the past. A flavored ice concoction was popular in China, thousands of years ago. ?

?Uh?? Kaname was stunned. Sousuke couldn?t possibly do it---he couldn?t turn ice cream into something otaku!

?In 500 B.C., the ancient Greeks refreshed themselves with a mixture of snow from Mount Olympus, mixed with fruit juices.?

?I?? Kaname felt her face redden again, for a different reason.

?Alexander the Great would motivate his soldiers with a similar treat one hundred and fifty years later. He had large trenches dug and filled with ice. The ice was flavored with honey and nectar.?

?Errr?? The vessels at Kaname?s temples were throbbing. Her vision blurred slightly.

?Nero sent runners to the mountains of the Alpennines for snow in the first century B.C. That was before Rome burned, of course." He skpped ahead a number of centuries.

"King Charles I of England paid the man who brought the recipe for ice cream to his nation a large stipend to keep it a royal prerogative. He was beheaded soon after that. I do not know if there was a connection.? Sousuke rubbed his chin.

?I?? Kaname clenched her teeth.

?In World War II, the American armed forces competed furiously with each other, to see who could outdo the other by serving ice cream to the troops.? Sousuke paused to cough. ?Of course, soldiers are never happy. The Americans had more ice cream than they knew what to do with. The British gave their troops beer rations. Each group of men was envious of the other.?

?Sous---? Kaname was shaking.

?In addition, I once read a book called ?The Ice Cream War.?? Kaname?s eyes narrowed at that last word. ?It was about a little know conflict during the first World war. A small German expeditionary force in Tanzania, led by Colonel von Lettow-Vorbeck, defeated a vastly larger joint British and Indian landing force. The Germans were aided by millions of angry bees whose hives had been destroyed by gunfire.?

?SOUSUKE!!!? Kaname kicked Sousuke in the shins. ?This is about having fun today, not stupid stuff that happened before we were even born!? She kicked him again. ?Fun, Sousuke.? Another kick, harder than the last. ?Do you understand? Fun!? One more kick. ?My treat.?

Sousuke didn?t know what to say. Reflexively, he simply said ?Thank you, Kaname.? It was the correct answer. Kaname?s smile returned, then blossomed.

?You know, you can really be sweet when you put your mind to it.? Kaname patted Sousuke on the cheek.

?Thank you Kaname.? If it worked once, why not use it again?

Kaname blushed.

?OK, where was I? Forgetting any possible military references?.? Kaname?s look suggested grievous harm is Sousuke did otherwise. ?Let me tell you about ice cream. It is simply one of the most wonderful creations known to man. It is sooooo creamy?.? Kaname closed her eyes, looking ready to swoon.

?I must apologize, Kaname. I do not wish you to go misinformed. Current ice cream is not made with actual cream. It consists of 10-16% milk fat; 9-12% milk solids other than fat; 12-16% sweeteners, usually a combination of sucrose or glucose-based corn syrup; 0.2-0.5% stabilizers and emulsifiers, such as agar ; and 55-64% water, which comes from milk and other ingredients. About 50% of the actual volume of the food stuff is air incorporated during the whipping process. Frozen custard contains egg yolk as well. Ice milk has less than 10% milk fat. Sherbert has only 1-2% milk fat and a greater amount of sweetener. Sorbet contains fruit puree and no milk products.? Sousuke managed to get that all out with a single breath.

Kaname wasn?t angry. She was too stunned to be angry. Sousuke did not eat ice cream, but sounded as if he had a PhD in icecreamology. ?How??

?After Sgt. Major Mao?s order, I did extensive research. I trust her judgment implicitly. I wished to find out what ingredients made ice cream a valuable resource for the warrior. Sadly, I found none. It is the only faulty command I can attribute to her.?

Sousuke?? Kaname spoke little above a whisper.

?Yes??

?Do me a favor?? Her voice grew a little louder.

?Kaname??

?DON?T SAY ANOTHER WORD UNTIL I ASK YOU TO!? She was only a decibel or two shy of shouting.

?Yes, Kaname!? Sousuke stiffened and snapped off a salute.

?Sousuke?.? Kaname spoke quietly again, moving her finger, beckoning Sousuke to come closer.

?Kaname??

?NO SALUTING!!!? Kaname looked ready to bite.

?By your command.?

?Oooooooooh!? Kaname grabbed Sousuke by the collar. ?Didn?t I tell you ?DON?T SAY ANOTHER WORD???

?Y---? Sousuke wisely stayed quiet.

After that, Kaname settled down and began to describe the wonders of ice cream. The coolness. The creaminess. The many amazing flavors. She told him about the place that ice cream had in her heart---everything that was good and right and pure.

?No doubt it was ice cream that is responsible for me being as sweet as I am today.? She looked at Sousuke expectantly. When he didn?t say anything she stomped her foot and said ?Hmmmpppfff! Some gentleman you are.?

Sousuke shook his head, opened his mouth, and pointed with his finger.

?O, that?s right. You have my permission to speak, Sousuke.? Kaname swept her hand out, a truly generous gesture.

Sousuke remained silent.

?Sousuke?? The generosity evaporated.

Sousuke kept quiet.

?SOUSUKE!? Kaname was quite willing to share her anger.

?Thank you, Kaname.? That had worked before. He couldn?t think of anything else at that moment.

?For what?? Kaname looked very cross.

Sousuke?s battlefield experience came to his rescue then. The ?Fog of Dealing With a Teenage Girl? was not that different than the ?Fog of war.?

If cannon fire was insufficient?

Try missiles!

If rocket fire didn?t bring the enemy down?

Call in an air strike!

Etc.

?Yes, Kaname.? It worked. Bullseye.

Kaname smiled.

While they walked to the JR line, Kaname still had a smile on her face. On the ride to Ikebukuro Station, that smile never left her face for a moment. Strolling to Ice Cream City, the smile remained. That was Kaname?s record for smile endurance around Sousuke.

For a while, Kaname even took hold of Sousuke?s arm.

Sousuke looked somewhat confused, but he kept quiet. He let Kaname do as she pleased. It was a miraculous day. He was learning.


***********************************************************

End of part 1

[Perfect Soldier]

Dear god, sousuke does have some common sense to just do as Kaname says. Yay Sousuke!!! As for the squid, that was just great. I loved reading that banner. Nice work, dd. You've really been a machine lately. Geez.

Zero

[Eienvine]

Kind of fun! I hope to see the next chapter up soon. Oh, and I agree- the squid part was HILARIOUS.