Gundam Wing Commentary: Pink Lemos and Kamikazee

[Ard Rhys]

I hope to post all 49 episode plus Endless Waltz. This is a fan translation of the Japanese version, so it's not exactly like the English version. Me, my alter ego Lil Washu, and my buddy Michiru will be doing the commentary. Remember: I like all these characters, but I like to tease them on occaision!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Bandai does! They own everything!

Gundam Wing: Episode 1-
The Meteor the Girl Saw
a.k.a
Pink Lemos and Kamikazee



Narrator: Generations ago, with a great dream for the future humankind departed from planet earth, seeking a life on space colonies. But as time went by, the World Federation brought the colonies under its control one after another using its overwhelming military power in the name of peace and justice. After Colony, Year 195. The beginning of Operation Meteor. It was a secret operation by a few colonies which tried to stand against the Federation. The operation was to secretly smuggle specially camouflaged combat weapons onto the earth. However, the operation had been detected by Federation leaders.

Auska: Trying to smuggle in weapons the size of sky scrapers. That's subtle
Michiru: Like a sledgehammer.


The meteor the girl saw


(Observation satellite)
Soldier1: Slight gravity shift was observed between Lagrange Point A-X and G-Y. The object will reach the earth's atmosphere in 600 seconds.
Soldier2: Not just one, huh?
Soldier1: Right. The radar reports five metal objects approaching earth.
Soldier2: Report this to Lt. Zechs, just in case. I'm sure they're just pieces of an old satellite or something, though
Lil Washu: (as Soldier 2) Of course satellites aren't made of Gundaniam...
Michiru: (as Soldier 1) I'll go tell Lt. Zechs about the plot device falling to Earth!.
Soldier1: Roger!


(Space ship just outside of earth's atmosphere)
Soldier: Lt. Zechs, a report just came in. It's regarding some falling meteors.
Zechs: The crews on the observation satellite must all be blind. If they were meteors, how could they all be on the earth re-entry level?
Asuka: No, they were just looking at the dirty magazine with your nude photographs on the centerfold.
Soldier: So, it's just as headquarters warned us...
Zechs: Yes. This must be the colonies' Operation M. How many of those can our radar locate?
Soldier: Just one--the one which will be falling somewhere in the Eartern Eurasia.
Zechs: Well, one should be enough for now.
Zechs: There is no reason for mercenaries in the front like us to be overworked for meaningless honour.
Soldier: That's a very frank statement, Sir.
Zechs: As I always say... I'm just a soldier.
Lil Washu:(as Zechss) And a nude model.


(Gundam 01)
Heero: Right on schedule. Seven minutes to re-entry.
Heero: [an alarm goes off] A commercial shuttle...?


(Commercial shuttle)
Female radio voice: Darlian-sama, this shuttle will re-enter the atmosphere momentarily. Please stay in your seat and keep your seatbelt fastened for your safety.
Mr. Darlian: What's wrong Relena? You don't want to go back to earth?
Relena: No, I don't.
Michiru:(as Relena) I want to stay here and rape Heero
Mr. Darlian: It's my job, you know. I feel bad about taking you from one place to another.
Relena: Father, please make a longer commitment next time.
Relena: [spots bright object outside shuttle window] Father, what's that?


(Gundam 01)
Heero: The target's relative speed: 01545. Auto Lock: On. An obstacle to re-entry must be shot down.
Heero: [another alarm goes off] A patrol craft?


(Zechs' ship)
Soldier 1: We've got it. I'll put it on the monitor.
Zechs: Just as I thought. This is the so-called 'egg of war', which might cause a lot of trouble in the future.
Asuka: Like fooling around with you baby sister?
Soldier 2: Operation M?
Zechs: There's a commercial shuttle in front of it. I guess we'll let the fighter go for now.
Soldier 1: Do you think it'll shoot down the shuttle?
Zechs: That fighter must know we're behind him. There's no way it'll attack the shuttle. This is, after all, a secret mission for them.
Lil Washu: Besides Heero screws up everytime her tries to kill Relena, so there's nothing to worry about!

(Gundam 01 and Zechs ship enter the earth's atmosphere)
Heero: Damn, the Federation's here... There's no choice then...
Soldier: We're also re-entering the Earth's atmosphere.
Heero: This is it. This is the earth. [types in some commands on a control panel]
Soldier 1: The fighter has changed its course!
Zechs: That's suicidal!
Asuka: ::nods head:: That's right!
Soldier 2: Trying to burn itself up so they can conceal their secret -- could that be it?
Soldier 2: But the object is accelerating its speed! I think it's trying to get away from us!
Soldier 1: Impossible! No spacecraft could endure the heat of re-entry at that speed.
Zechs: No, it could. It looks like our enemy possesses some advanced technology.
ALL: Duh!
Michiru pulls out The Magical Sledgehammer of Smiting Power(tm): Aren't WHACK you WHACK the WHACK stater WHACK of WHACK the WHACK freaking WHACK obvious!
Asuka: (as Zechs) Ow, Michiru! That hurt!::rubs head::

(commercial shuttle)
Relena: That object is also re-entering the atmosphere.
Mr. Darlian: Operation Meteor?
Relena: Eh?


(Gundam 01 and Zechs ship)
Soldier 1: Lt. Zechs, is this...?!
Soldier 2: So this is the secret weapon of the colonies...
Soldier 1: It looks like a bird.
Asuka: (as Soldier 1) No it's a plane!
Michiru: (as Soldier 2) No! It's Kamikazee Man!::Heroic music plays::
Soldier 2: We're reaching aero-dynamic cruising altitude. We can attack the fighter now.
Soldier 1: OK.
Soldier 2: Let's fire a warning shot.
Zechs: No, it won't listen to any warnings. Just shoot it down!
Lil Washu: (as Zechs) Besides, he's like that too miuch!
Soldier 1: Lt. Zechs?!
Zechs: At first I thought it was smuggling a weapon onto earth but it looks like it turned out to be the secret weapon itself.
Heero: I can run away... Is that a carrier also? It must be carrying at least three Mobile Suits. It's changing its speed to intercept me! Change in orders are required. I'm shooting down that enemy ship!
Soldier 1: Lt. Zechs, the enemy fighter reversed its course and is coming this way!
Zechs: Is the Leo repaired?
Soldier 2: Yes, but are you trying to destroy that fighter with a Mobile Suit?
Zechs: Yes.
Asuka: (as Zechs) I need to show the audience the ultimate power of the Gundam and prove a point that I'm a kick-ass pilot!
Michiru: ::holds sledgehammer menacingly::
Asuka: (as Zechs) :eyes get all teary and big:: I love you, Michiru?
Michiru: That's better.
Soldier 2: Then, isn't Aries more suitable than Leo? Aries is much faster and it is made for air battle.
Zechs: My Leo is fast enough. Besides, I should pay some respect to our brave enemy.
Soldier 2: Lt. Zechs, as soon as the Aries' are ready, we'll despatch them to join you.
Zechs: Roger. [spots MS] What? Above me? [fires at it]
Heero: Problem in the left engine? Damn it! [blasts past Zechs towards earth]
Soldier 2: That was great, Lt. Zechs.
Zechs: Is that it? Is he finished?
Lil Washu: Of cours not, you baka! It's a Gundam for cryin' out loud!
Soldier 1: Sir, should we take you in, or should we chase that fighter in our Aries?
Zechs: Let it go down. We'll investigate on the ground. It'll be a great opportunity for us to find out what this Operation M is all about.
Soldier 1: Don't you think it'll self-destruct, though?
Zechs: No one wants to die up here, without seeing the beauty of earth.
Asuka: Except good ol' Self Destructo Boy ::Music for American Pie starts::
Michiru: A little fan service, eh?
[the gundam transforms]

Soldier 2: It transformed into a Mobile Suit?
Soldier 1: Lt. Zechs, do you know what type of Mobile Suit that is?
Zechs: No... I can't believe anyone beside the Federation and the OZ having the technology to build such an advanced Mobile Suit.
Asuka: More wonderful foreshadowing
Soldier 3: Sir, let us take care of it.
Zechs: Do it.

[the two Aries fires at the Gundam, nothing happens]

Zechs: What strength... It can't be...
Soldier 3: It's turning around!
Soldier 4: Never mind that! Keep firing!

[The Gundam destroys one of the Aries]

Heero: [laughs madly] One more to go!
Lil Washu: I just love Heero's maniacal laugh!
Asuka: ok that's one...

[The other aries is also destroyed]

Zechs: Two Aries' with one shot! Very interesting! [Zechs' Leo approaches the Gundam and grabs it, sending them both crashing into the ocean]

Soldier 1: Lt, Zechs, are you alright?
Zechs: Yeah. Don't worry. I did what I had to.
Soldier 1: We have analysed the data from the combat. Considering the strength of the outer armour, it has to be made of Gundanium alloy.
ALL: DUH!
Zechs: So..., that's a Gundam... [The Leo and the Gundam plunges into the ocean] Even if the Mobile Suit survives the impact of hitting the water, anyone inside could not.
Asuka: More foreshadowing, anyone?
Soldier 1: Sir, an aircraft carrier from the Federation Marine down there is asking us if it should go ahead and start searching for the downed Mobile Suit.
Zechs: Let them go ahead. Tell them the treasure sunk around point J-A-P in East Asia.
Soldier 1: Yes, sir.
Zechs: 'If it should go ahead and start searching for it'...? I don't think there's any bright future left for the Federation Armed Forces anymore.


Commercial break


(at the space port)
Reporters: Mr. Darlian, what did you discuss at the Colonial Summit this time? What is the Allied Colonies' demands on the Federation? Give us a comment, Mr. Vice Minister. Everyone is anxious to know if they will declare war on earth. Please tell us something, Mr. Darlian!
Official person: Welcome back, Mr. Darlian. A car from the Defence Department is waiting outside. Please follow us.
Mr. Darlian: So soon? That's not convenient. I have to prepare a birthday party for my daughter this afternoon.
Official person: We have prepared another car for your daughter, too.
Relena: Please don't worry about me. I know how to get home.
Official person: Let's go then. General Septem is anxious to see you.

[Relena leaves alone]
ALL: ::singing:: I'm a barbie girl. In a barbie world...

(at a promendade by the ocean)
Relena: 'Father, you don't care about my birthday, do you?' And I'd run away..., if this was a movie. Damn military planes... If there wasn't such things, this place would be an ordinary, peaceful spaceport... Well, time to go home. [spots someone on the beach below]
Relena: A man? [rushes down to him] A spacesuit... Is he a soldier? I'd better call someone!
Asuka: Now begins Heero's torture.
Michiru: I didn't know you were anti-Relena.
Asuka: I'm not. I'm just statisfying all those bakas in the anti-Relena camp.
Michiru: Ah...you scared me for a minute.
Lil Washu: Me too.

(at the opera)
ALL: AHHHH! IT'S THE MARK OF CTULU! EVIL EYEBROWS AWAY!!!!!!!!!
Treize: You lost three Mobile Suits?
Zechs: [on monitor] Yes.
Treize: It doesn't sound like something you would allow to happen. It'll cost me hours of headaches to come up with an excuse to explain to the Federation leaders...
Asuka: (as Zechs) Why don't you just kill them all?
Lil Washu: Shhh! You'll give everything away! 'Sides, you don't want to make Michiru angry, do you?
Asuka: (as Zechs) Eep...
Zechs: The enemy turned out to be a Mobile Suit made of Gundanium alloy.
Treize: What?
Michiru: Sheesh...Didn't you notice what the show is called?
Asuka: It's Ctulu taking control.
Michiru: That explains it.
Zechs: If it was actually built on a colony...
Treize: If you and I had been with OZ from the beginning I'm sure such a mess would never have occurred.
Lil Washu: If you guys had been with OZ from the beginning, you would've been like 7 or something.
Asuka: Remember, in this world you can rule the world at the age of 9. Just look at Mariemaia.
Lil Washu: Touche.
Zechs: So, do you think it's a Gundam..?
Asuka: No, it's the tooth fairy.
Treize: What else could it be? The Federation should have paid closer attention to each colony.
Michiru: Damn those nudes of Zechs!
Zechs: The Federation Marine is trying to recover the downed Mobile Suit.
Treize: I'll tell them we'll take care of it. I'll also send you a special under-sea unit. You'll be in charge.
Zechs: Yes, sir.
Treize: As you know, time is of the essence. I don't want to provoke the Federation leaders unnecessarily.
Zechs: I'm aware of that, Sir.


(at a political meeting)
Treize: I'm sorry I'm late.
Venty: Colonel Treize, is it true that one of your men lost 3 Mobile Suits when his freighter re-entered the atmosphere?
Treize: Yes. Is that a big problem?
Asuka: (as Septum) Naw. No biggie.
Septem: You wasted three of our precious Mobile Suits for just one spy!
Treize: But because of that, we successfully prevented the enemy's conspiracy.
Lil Washu: Or so you think...MUAHAHAHA!!!
Septem: I'm not talking about the result right now! What do you think about this waste of precious resources of the Federation?
Treize: Precious resources? Excuse me, but do these 'resources' you're talking about include military personnel as well or do they simply refer to Mobile Suits?
ALL: ouch.
Someone: Damn you! Don't be smart to me!
Someone 2: Now, now... Colonel Treize, next time, be more careful.
Treize: Yes, sir.
Michiru: (as Trieze) ::grumbling under breath::: I'll show you careful...
Someone 3: Now, let's move to todays agenda: How to prevent the colonies from forming a New Alliance.
Treize: After all these peaceful years, the Federation Armed Forces of today knows nothing about war. No doubt only one organization can determine the future of earth. Only OZ could...
ALL: ::singing horribly:: We're of to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of OZ.
Asuka: Who is the Wizard of OZ anyway?
Michiru: It's Trieze

(At the beach)
Relena: He's still a child... [Heero wakes up and stands up, covering his face] Don't move. An ambulance is coming.
Heero: Did you see it?
Relena: What?
Asuka:(as Heero) My "little soldier"
Ambulance personell: Hey, in here!

[Heero presses a button on his space suit, nothing happens. Hits the button, and it explodes, but not enough to damage anyone]
ALL: Look at who you're dealing with!
Ambulance personell: Hurry, this way! You... [The personell prompty gets 'neutralised' by Heero]

[Heero hijacks the ambulance and takes off...]

Relena: I am... I'm Relena Darlian. And you're...?

Lil Washu: ( as Heero) Bond... James Bond...
Asuka: Is she talking to herself?
Michiru: Yup.
Asuka: Damn LSD.
(OZ base near Guam)
Soldier: What the...?! Enemy attack? [base gets demolished]
Duo: This is Duo. Primary mission completed. Now I might as well play around with these guys for a bit longer!
Lil Washu: ::Drools:: my shinigami....

(Dover space port)
MS 1:This is the Space Port. We're under attack!
MS 2: A surprise attack? Who the hell is it? [a Red/Orange MS appears]
MS 1: I have no idea.
Michiru: (as Trowa) Suprise! Happy Birthday!
Trowa: Well, now that they've seen me... I have no choice. I thought destroying the spaceport was enough... But now I have to destroy you all. [does so] Battle record: No. 001. Recorder... let's just say Trowa for now.


(The Arabian desert)
MS 1: Are you sure this is the area where the enemy fighter fell?
MS 2: Yes.
MS 1: I don't see anything.
MS 1: What the..? What's happening?
MS 2:It's the enemy! Enemy attack! [a ton of enemy MSs appear]
MS 1: Are we surrounded? It was a trap!
MS 2: Commander!
MS 1: What?! [spots the Gundam]
Quatre: Drop your weapons and surrender. I have no intention of harming you.
ALL: sure...we really believe you...
MS 1: Fire! Fire! [The Gundam hacks them up]
Quatre: This is Quatre. The Commander's Suit has been destroyed. I told you to surrender...
Michiru: They never listen do they? Damned random henchmen!

(Base in eastern China)
[not much left of the base after the Gundam is finished]
Wufei: I'm Fu Wei. I won't hide or run away until I win this game.

ALL: INJUSTICE!!!
(Back on Zechs' ship)
Soldier 1: What's taking the under-sea unit so long? They say they'll be here in two hours.
Soldier 2: What? Are they having a break or something?
Asuka: So that's what they call it!
Zechs: Take it easy. That Mobile Suit's not going anywhere. Besides, this sea trench is very deep. It'll take quite some time for the Navy to search it anyway
Michiru: (as Zechs) Stupid Gavy.
Soldier 2: But...
Zechs: And, I have something interesting here.
Lil Washu: (as Zechs) ::unzips pants::
Soldier 2: This is...
Lil Washu: (as Zechs) Little Zechsy.
Zechs: Taken by an OZ spy aircraft. What do you think? It looks just like the one we fought the other day, doesn't it?
Soldier 1: So, there's another one?
Zechs: And that's not all. I just got this report: Two major OZ facilities, a Mobile Suit factory and a space port as well as a recovery unit like us looking for a fallen object have been destroyed by unknown enemy units.
Soldier 2: So, there are four more?
Zechs: And the one that fell down into the sea... Altogether, there are five.
Soldier 2: Five? Five Gundams?
Asuka: That's what he said, Genius
Zechs: I guess we were lucky. We seem to be the only ones who encountered a Gundam and are still alive.


(At Relena's school)
Friend 1: Well, isn't it a shame not to have Relena-sama around for the first day of the new semester?
Asuka: (as ALL) Naw..
Friend 2: It can't be helped. She just got home yesterday.
Friend 3: Isn't it nice, though? I wish I could go into space one day.
Friend 4: Well, a wealthy father -- that's all it takes.
Asuka: Daddy's girl...wait...she's my twin?
Michiru: Only in Eva/Gundam x over fics
Asuka:(looking dissappointed) oh..
Friend 1: By the way, tomorrow is Relena's birthday.
Friend 3: That's right. I wonder who's been invited to Relena's party this year?
Lil Washu: Heero
All friends: Relena-sama...
Relena: Good morning.
Michiru: (as Relena) stupid bitches...little do they know of my evil plan...MUAHAHAHA!!!

(In a lecture hall)
[Teacher enters with Heero in tow]
Relena: That boy...
ALL: Is damn sexy!
Teacher: Please quiet down. I would like to introduce you to a new friend.
Asuka: (as Teacher) I'd like to show you my little friend...
Heero: Heero Yuy. Nice to meet you.
Michiru: (as Heero) Not really...OMAE O KOROSU!!!!!!
Relena: That's him. That's the boy.
Asuka: (as Relena) That owes me for the good lovin' the other night!
Teacher: Heero-kun, why don't you sit next to Relena-san. If you have any questions, she will be glad to help you. Now let's start the class.
Relena: Nice to meet you, Heero-kun.
Heero: [purposefull ignoring]
Asuka: (as Relena) You trying to stiff me for earlier? Fine! I'll get my money by stalking you until I find out I have to listen to a bunch of old men talk about war!


(outside school)
Friend: Uh... Relena-sama...
Relena: This is for you. [hands Heero a birthday invitation card] I'm having a birthday party tomorrow. I hope you can come and join us.
All friends: [applauds]
Asuka: I really hate Relena's friends.
Heero: [rips it up in front of the stunned crowd, and drops it on the ground before leaving]
Relena: [chocked] It's... so cruel...
Heero: [wipes away tears from Relena's eyes]
Relena: [smiles]
Heero: [before he leaves:] I will kill you.
Asuka: That's one!
Michiru: one what?
Asuka: That's the first time he said I will kill you
Michiru: Ah
Lil Washu: (as Heero) What I mean is after I get freaky with you, you'll have thought you went to heaven...and hell.
Asuka: ::smacks Heero::
Lil Washu: ( as Heero) ::whimpers::
Relena: [wide eyed look] Who is this boy?
Asuka: Your love slave of course!
To be continued

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ok that was the first chapter, I'll try to get Ch.2 out by next week. Please comment!! If you're mad about character bashing, don't blame me. I warned you.

[tornin1/2]

you are soooo nice, this is exactly what i need.
tornin1/2

[Gundam Girl]

Hehehehe... Funny. I liked the part with the nude Zechs... Scary, but funny...

[silent muse]

hahahahaha! That was absolutely wonderful! I can wait to see the commentary for the next episode when Heero and Relena first meet Duo.

-muse-

[Chibi-sitter]

hahahahaha! That was absolutely wonderful! I can wait to see the commentary for the next episode when Heero and Relena first meet Duo.

-muse-

Oh that'd be cool! this was great, do I have to beg for more?
*on knees*more please

[bookworm]

There would be so much fun in the next ep. I can just feel it!