December 20

[wicked]

Disclaimer: I do not own nor would I pretend to own Gundam Wing. However I am the proud owner of ChapStick's Flava-Craze chapstick in the yummy Grape Craze flavor. ^_^

AN: Um, dunno what this is but it needed to be written. Heh. Um, yeah. Have fun! Now shoo!

December 20
by Wicked Child

?Oh the weather outside is frightful but the fire inside is so delightful,? Relena sang softly as she placed two more ornate glass ornaments on her Christmas tree. She stood back to scrutinize her handiwork, losing her place in the song and finding that humming would be sufficient enough for the words she didn?t quite remember. ?I seem to be neglecting the bottom half of the tree.? Grabbing a few more ornaments Relena crouched down and began decorating the lower half of the tree with the same precision as she had used for the entire upper half.

The fire crackled behind her, warming the small room and filling it with old memories of Christmas?s long ago shared with her parents. While placing an old fragile ornament carved out of crystal in the shape of the Sanq castle Relena felt the tears threaten. It had been a present to her when she was a small child by her father for his little princess. At the time she had not known that the ornament was a crystal miniature of her home that wasn?t truly hers, in mind at least.

?And this, my little princess is for you,? Mr. Dorlian handed his seven year old daughter the castle ornament with a bittersweet smile on his face.

?Oh father it?s wonderful. I finally get my own castle!? Relena kissed her father and ran into the living room where their nine foot Christmas tree rested. She placed it where her seven year old arms would reach and stood back to admire her new castle. ?I love it father!?

?I?m glad you like it Relena. Perhaps one day, when there is no conflict between the colonies and earth you?ll be able to have your own castle.?

She had thought her father had been playing with her. Years later she had understood his words and the bittersweet smile that graced his lips that day.

?Oh father, you sacrificed so much for me. Both of you did. I can only hope that I have made you proud and followed in both of your footsteps.? She wiped the tear away and turned her attention toward the fire that need stoking.

?I?ve brought you some warm cider Miss Relena.? Pagan set the tray down on a nearby table away from the decorations. ?The tree looks lovely.?

?Thank you Pagan,? she said smiling. ?This always was my favorite part wasn?t it??

?It was only second to the opening of gifts. If I remember correctly you preferred watching others open their gifts instead of concentrating on your own; always afraid that they wouldn?t like what you bought them.?

?I like to please Pagan. And some people in this world are very hard to please no matter how hard I try.?

The old retainer walked over to his adult charge and placed a hand on her shoulder. ?It is not your job to please everyone my dear. You have to focus on yourself from time to time no matter how selfish it may seem.?

Relena embraced the only remaining member of her family. ?Thank you Pagan. It?s easier said than done when that?s all I?ve done for most of my life.?

The retainer embraced the young woman back. Not long after he felt her body shaking, racked with silent sobs. His arms tightened around her, holding back his own tears.

?Miss Relena, there?s no need to cry. This is a time to celebrate your life, your family, and your loved ones.?

Relena had a rebuttal to this comment but it was muffled by Pagan?s shoulder. She gentely pulled away and said, ?A time to celebrate my life? What life Pagan? All I ever do anymore is play referee between a bunch of stiff necked, soulless, supposedly noble politicians. I get no satisfaction in that. I don?t have a life. I never see the few friends I did have, if I can even call them friends. My only social outings are balls, business dinners, speeches, appearances, and openings of this new library or a memorial to this dead idiot. I?m twenty-five years old Pagan and I?ve never been kissed. Not once! I have no life.

?You say it?s a time to celebrate my family. You?re my only family Pagan. And I thank God every day that you?re still with me because only He knows what would happen if I were to lose you.?

?You have a brother Miss Relena.?

?Milliardo? You call that a brother? When has he ever been the big brother for me? When? He is related to me merely by chance. Do you realize that I have not heard from him since Mariemaia?s failed coup? No he is no family member of mine.

?My loved ones? There has only been one loved one and he doesn?t give a damn. Why in God?s name would I want to celebrate that?? Relena?s hands balled into fists, her nails cutting into her skin but not enough to draw blood. ?The only things I celebrate year after year Pagan are you, the fact that we have avoided war time and time again for the past nine years, and the fact that despite everything I am alive.?

She sniffled, reminding the retainer of the little girl the dejected woman was once.

?I am sorry you feel that way Miss Relena. You are far more important than you realize.?

?You?re wrong Pagan. I know I?m important. The trick is knowing to whom I?m important.? She walked over to the sofa, abandoning her Christmas tree decorating. With a sigh she amended, ?I?m sorry Pagan. I don?t know what came over me. I suppose this has been bottling up inside me for some time now for whatever reason and you received the brunt of it all. Please forgive me??

?Miss Relena there is nothing you could do that would require forgiveness. Well there are some things but we?ll leave foolish men out of it.?

?Thank you Pagan. I truly wouldn?t know what to do without you.? Relena lied down, taking a cup if warm cider along. ?I think I?m going to just lie here and watch the fire. I?ll go to bed soon enough.?

?If that is what you wish Miss Relena. I will see you in the morning.?

?Good night Pagan. And thank you, thank you ever so much.?

?You?re welcome my dear.? Pagan left the room, worried but keeping his mouth shut. Only time would tell when the woman who had given her heart to the people, would no longer have any heart left to give.

Two o?clock in the morning found Relena in a restless sleep on the sofa, shivering from the cold seeping in the old home. Dark blue eyes watched from the corner of the room. The fire had gone out several hours before, but Relena had been stubborn and stayed on the sofa for reasons unknown. Even in her restless sleep Relena was stubborn. Couldn?t she see that her sleep was restless because she was freezing?

The blue eyes moved closer, examining the woman?s face. It had been years since he had seen her up close and he was saddened to see such a dramatic change. She was still as beautiful as ever, if only in his eyes. But she had lost the softness, the fragility she had once possessed. Her face, once so young and fresh, seemed hardened but without being menacing. She now resembled a woman who had given everything but received nothing in return. In some ways he reminded her of a widow who long lost the ability to love again.

The change brought a tear to his eye. He could only blame himself for this change. Had he given into his true desires the woman sleeping before him would look very much different. He lifted a calloused hand to her face, smoothing away a few strands of honey blonde hair. Once, long ago, he had kissed her head while she slept in an effort to see if that hair tasted as sweet as it looked.

Relena shifted and tried curling up further into a ball despite the fact that she had maneuvered herself into the tightest one her body could manage. Looking around he spotted a blanket on an ottoman only a few feet away. Quickly retrieving it, he placed it around her balled frame, tucking it underneath so as to insure her warmth.

Why didn?t he just carry her upstairs? She would be much warmer in her own bed rather than curled up like a kitten on the sofa.

Because Yuy, you?re only using that as an excuse to hold her in your arms. How pathetic can you get?

Would that really classify as pathetic? He did want to see her safe and warm in her own bed.

Yes but you want to see yourself next to her in that bed don?t you? You?re an idiot Yuy. You gave up that right years ago. Now you?ll use any excuse to get next to her just like you used any and every excuse to get away from her.

That wasn?t true though. He left because it was in her best interests. She didn?t need a distraction like him around.

Her best interests? What would you know of her best interests? You thought it would be in her best interest if you killed her. Remind me, how did that go?

He looked down at the sleeping woman only to see that she was still shivering. Dammit! He thought the blanket would be enough. He could always restart the fire but that might wake her and he didn?t want that.

Of course not Yuy. You?re nothing but a coward these days. Take the Wing Zero away and you?re nothing.

He tried to ignore the voice in his head, instead doing his best to concentrate on keeping the woman in front of him comfortable from the cold. Bodily contact was the only way to actually keep another person warm. Flesh on flesh was truly the best though. But he wasn?t about to undress himself or her due to a little chill. If he ever saw her nude it would be under much different circumstances.

Suddenly she stopped moving. He took a closer look and saw that she was still under slumber?s spell but had presently found some comfortable medium. How long it would last he did not know but he was thankful for that small mercy.

Several hours passed, he kept himself busy so long as he remained in the same room as she. At one point he thought he heard Relena call out his name but upon later reflection she was telling someone to, ??come here old boy.? Needless to say it hurt that he didn?t even seem to be present in her dreams anymore.

It was almost five-thirty when he decided that his time in the Dorlian household had expired. He needed to leave before Pagan walked in and stabbed him with the poker or butter knife. He turned to exit the way he came in when he heard her voice calling out to him.

?Why don?t you hold me? Why are you so afraid to touch me??

?Relena.?

But the woman remained encased in slumber. His heart began to beat faster.

?Why do you see me as some thing, inhuman??

His heart stopped. So he still did have a place in her dreams. Except instead of being happy, they were retelling old memories, painful memories from years ago. The conversation happened right before he left. It was their last time speaking to one another.

Tears began to fall silently from Relena?s face as her mind took her back to that night. He remembered it clearly. She had finally professed her love for him and it had made his own heart soar to finally hear the words he couldn?t say.

Couldn?t or wouldn?t?

And how had he reacted? Cruelly, heartless, cold and uncaring. He had treated her profession of love as if it were dirt. He had, in a sense, spit on her affections before walking out of her life.

?I love you Heero. But you don?t care do you? You never did.?

Unchecked tears fell from dark blue eyes as he left the Dorlian residence. They didn?t stop until hours later when he himself fell asleep, a headache the size of Libra attacking his brain.

Moments after he had left Relena opened her eyes, mindful of the dream she had had once again.

To the empty room she said, ?I love you Heero. I always have and I suppose I always will. You never did though did you?? She looked around the room, her eyes focusing on the long dead fire.

?I love you Heero, but I don?t care anymore.?

[Rose of Betrayal]

Whoa. But please, a more happier ending. I would like it if he came back and told her that he loved her too, but then again, she might not care anymore, so...yeah.

[Elyn Yuy]

So angsty...

Come on, it's nearly christmas!!!

Make a part 2!!!

Elyn Yuy

[Wingnut]

What she said, darn it. Make the next chapter like December 23rd or 24th. Something. This is right now too angsty to recieve my praise.

[bookworm]

Whatever they said.

[Elyn Yuy]

I didn't mean to get everyone on your tail, wicked...sorry!

gomen nasai.

nods wisely.

ok, enough with the nods wisely

Elyn Yuy

[Nausica?]

I say leave it. As much as I love my Disney endings, everything can't be that.

Angst comes at a damn close second to Disney endings, so I'm not minding it at all. Awesome work. You did a number on my eyes, Wicked!

* glomps *

* muah *


- Naus

[Andrea]

Well... here's from me. And all the angst in my life. I liked it. Regardless if it's Christmas or not. It was very good. Your word choice, the dialogue, the scenes... everything was put together magnificently.

Well done, hon. Excellent.

... Oh, and Merry Christmas! -Huggles!-

[Melville's Best Friend]

I think it was excellently written, and I don't care that you made it evil.

(evil= no haooy)

Because *I* can picture haooy in my mind. *wonderful grin*

I liked it, sis, and find it worthy of praise. ^______^

Now. We just have to talk about this lack of lemon you've been idolizing. *stern look*

*glomp*

~Me

[shadowcat]

i thought it was very VERY well written!! Nicely done as always Wicked!

-Shadow