Also, unlike the previous part, this chapter is full of angst. I hope it will answer some of your questions, though. Enjoy!!
...REVIEW!!!!!
Somewhere Out There
By Andrea Sinisterra
Angst/Tragedy
Rated R
Part 2
***
Relena knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was her fault the moment she found her gone.
***
That day (a Tuesday morning) started out on the wrong foot. The moment her eyes opened to the first rays of light, she knew something was going to happen... something bad. Like a burden on her heart. She laid in bed long moments, looking at the framed photo of her, Victoria, and Heero that the old man had taken during a hot summer a few years back. A smile crossed her lips; she really liked it; it was like a moment of wonder frozen in time... her family.
The brief moment of peace that the picture gave her left a moment later, as the feeling from moments before returned with a flash. Doom; the word kept bothering her mind. Lingering, as if waiting for disgrace and pain. The feeling was with her from the moment she left the bed, through shower, breakfast, and to the moment she went to see her daughter.
It surprised her, it really did-- her unconscious need to see her and Heero. What was going on with her? The last time she felt this way was when Milliardo was chosen as the head of White Fang, and her need to see him and talk to him...
The feeling doubled and then tripled, when she and Victoria settled inside the limousine, their chat easy-going and flippant, even though Relena felt as if her life would end at the end of the road.
<i>You're being silly,</i> she kept telling herself, <i>you're just nervous because of the Christmas dinner preparations.</i>
How she wished it were only that.
She hated herself, now, for ignoring her fear. Hated herself more than anything and anyone in the world; hated herself for being stupid and selfish, for ever drinking that night on her birthday... if she had never drunk, then the morning light wouldn't have ever bothered her, and she wouldn't have been stupid about it, and the curtains...
It was really silly. It was all because of some stupid curtains.
And if she didn't go to Hell, she would commit herself to an internal one until the day she died.
It was early in the afternoon, around two or so, the moment her life changed forever. If only she had listened to her fears, if only she hadn't wanted those damn curtains, if only Heero had been with her... if only...
Later in her life, she would learn that everything happens for reasons that are meant to be, even if people don't understand them.
Her pace was brisk; from the moment she left the store till the moment she hurried inside the limousine, Victoria's hand in her left one, and her shopping bags in her other. She was so scared of everything, of hurrying inside the security and comfort of her car, that she didn't bother to wait for the chauffeur to walk around the car and open her door, she didn't even think twice.
She should have found it weird when the car started, the black plastic window sealed and the chauffeur not asking her destination. She really should have found it strange, when the vehicle never stopped, so she didn't find it strange that maybe there were no stop signs and red lights on the way to the Manor. So intent was she on the sleeping girl on her lap.
She did find herself, however, with her heart in her throat when the door flew open, a man in black pressing a cold cloth to her nose and mouth; the sound of her daughter's screams etched on her mind and the feeling of her grabs and kicks forever imprinted on her skin when she was grabbed and taken away from her side.
Darkness beckoned her, and she found herself slipping into it, her eyes closing on the sight of her daughter's tear stained face before the door slammed shut.
***
Heero knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was his fault the moment he opened that door.
***
He knew something was off. It was sort of an itch he got whenever he felt something big was about to happen. It had happened countless times during the war, and again when he proposed to Relena and before she told him she was pregnant. Like a foresight of something near and life-changing.
It all started with Relena's attitude the moment she left their bed. It was like she didn't see him, didn't even acknowledge his presence. She was distracted, utterly distracted, and that scared him. To unconsciously ignore things around her was something that really confused him; she had always been so alert, so attentive about things that were usually trivial to other people.
Breakfast was a quiet affair consisting of a greeting and small talk between Pagan and Victoria, Relena in her world and he thinking about her. Their breakfasts were usually chitchat, gossiping, and sharing schedules, but today, nothing passed across the table except the bread and butter.
He was scared by her attitude, but it all crashed and burned the moment she hugged Victoria and then kissed him, out of the blue, as if she were afraid they would disappear. He tried asking her if she was okay, if something was wrong-- anything to get her to tell him what was bothering her. But she just smiled and shook her head, kissing him tenderly as she called Miles, the chauffeur, telling him to get the car ready. He had wanted to go with her, but she wouldn't let him, telling him she and Victoria wanted the day for themselves, for a small girl-chat and that he shouldn't come in the way of the Peacecraft-Yuy women.
He knew something was wrong. Which was why he hated himself for not stopping her.
Unconsciously, the moment she left in the limousine, he checked his wristwatch, telling him it was a little after noon...
The hours had come and gone in a flash that he couldn't seem to catch, so lost was he on her face and her actions of that morning. It was a quarter to five, and he had never felt so out of whack than how he felt during those hours. He had waited; maybe they went shopping for something else, a thought that didn't surprise him in the least. Maybe they had gone for some ice cream...
He really hated himself for not going with them. He should have insisted, stopped her from going...
They found the black sleek vehicle abandoned just beyond the city limits, dusty from mud and dirt, and with flat tires. He saw as the other Preventers went for the front seats, his mind intent on the passenger compartment, where he knew he would find answers to the clot in his throat.
And he did, but the mysteries overflowed the answers he got.
He didn't linger on the voice of one of his colleagues stating the death of David Miles, his fear overpowering him from further comprehension other than the state of his wife and daughter.
Time didn't exist... it didn't elapse... it ceased its flow. He did linger then, his mind and focus reduced to the sight of Relena, his wife, the mother of his only child, lying in a heap of pale limbs, her hair strewn across her face, barely moving with her uneven breathing, plastered to her cheeks with long since dried tears. His attention was, however, not on her face, but on the thorns in her clothes and the bruises in her skin.
Instead of anger, fear boiled his blood, feeding a rising anger that will soon be unleashed on whoever dared speak to him.
He didn't pay attention to the sound of the ambulance; the sirens were automatically ignored, and so were the pleas of the EMS team. He was forced aside, and when he started fighting back, landing punches anywhere, several Preventers were required to push him to the ground, and then sedate him.
A tear of rage escaped his eye, unnoticed. He desperately tried to catch what was being said around him, rushed murmurs from the Preventers, mumbled orders from the paramedics, deeply concerned voices above his head; the pressure was overbearing; his eyesight was failing and so was his hearing... but no one would say that Heero Yuy went without a fight.
***
She didn't know how many minutes or hours or days had gone by, and at first, she didn't even remember what had happened. Later on, she would treasure those moments of ignorance. The place was as foreign to her as any comprehension of any chemical composition. The sounds, the lights, the bed... it felt like she was being presented as the last piece of work at a multimillionaire's art exposition.
She felt exposed. And as that thought crossed her mind, the memories flashed to her head in a rush of pain and dread. For some reason, the memories came in flashes, as if the memories were cut into pieces, and she had to play them one by one... walking to the store; getting into the car; watching Victoria sleep; the man in black; Victoria's crying face...
When the remembrance of her daughter's frantic attempts to grab her came to her, on instinct she reached to rub hands over her arms... a vane attempt because her hands were tied to the bed.
A sob of desperation choked her throat; she jerked her hands, trying to free them of their leather binds. She wanted someone, needed someone with her. She wanted comfort, wanted love, wanted company... she wanted her daughter back. Her eyes were blood-shot as they roamed the room, searching, looking for help, or someone who could give her answers... She started crying, the tears endlessly falling, even though she could barely feel them. Her body was numb from the shock of her situation; she could barely 'feel' herself anymore. She wanted Heero. Her cold and tired body collapsed on the bed with the realization that the person she most wanted to see was not with her.
Her fear, her loss, her loneliness overwhelmed her: it was just too much for her. In her misery, pain, and self-hate, Relena finally snapped.
Throughout the long white rows of silent rooms and halls, an echoing scream shattered the peace.
TBC...
<Crawling from under the bed> You like? Hehehe.... I love angst. :-? OOHH!! Isn't my new avatar drop-dead sweet??
Okay. See you on Chapter 3!!!
Great angst.
Elyn Yuy